I woke up and he was screaming.
I'd left him dreaming.
I roll over and shake him tightly, and whisper,
If they want you, then they're gonna have to fight me.
-Laura Marling, Night Terror.
My head was pounding, my body numb. I felt someone shaking me, trying to get me to wake up, and receiving no response. I could see nothing; the sounds of yelling were muffled. The black oblivion was pressing down, suffocating me. I pushed against it, testing its strength. It proved difficult to move. I gathered all my strength and heaved the cloud from my mind.
The concerned face of Remus hovered above mine.
"You were screaming again." He murmured.
I sighed sitting up and feeling my head spin. I noticed the empty bottle of port on the floor and shook my head sadly. I was becoming such an alcoholic.
"You gonna tell me what's wrong?" he continued. I shook my head slowly, trying to remember why it had been so hard to wake up and why I had been screaming. "You were screaming about ridding the world of the filth that did not deserve to live here." I took a shuddering breath as I realised who I had been the night before. I pushed away Remus' accusing face and stood up, walking slowly back to my dormitory, not noticing the disappointed look on his face.
I took a long shower and dressed in my robes, classes started in twenty minutes but I had potions first and Slughorn never minded how late I was. I trudged down to breakfast and slumped down at the table next to the marauders. I pilled croissants' and bacon onto my plate to help with my hangover. I looked to my right and found James looking at me. "What?" I mumbled.
"Your eating habits never cease to amaze me." He muttered sarcastically. I whacked him and continued eating. "So last night was fun." He chuckled, looking meaningfully in my direction, as if he was trying to tell me something.
"Yeah." I said uncertainly, "Got a killer hangover though." I continued awkwardly.
"Yeah, me too. I don't remember much about the whole night." He hinted.
Oh shit. It all came flooding back to me. I had kissed James. James potter. Jay, my best friend. James, who was desperately in love with Lily Evans. Oh I was so fucked.
"Yeah, me too." I laughed nervously. I stood up and grabbed the food off my plate. "I need to talk to you." I hissed in his ear.
James stood up abruptly and followed me telling the others we would catch up. I hoped we didn't look too suspicious, the last thing I needed was Sirius constantly teasing me about James and breaking my heart with his easy acceptance of the situation, well if he was actually talking to me.
I pulled James into a deserted corridor and turned to face him, ripping up bits of croissant and shoving them into my mouth.
"So about last night..." he started, looking down at his shoes.
"I think that we should forget it all happened. Yeah?" I blurted out.
He looked up at me and grimaced. "Yeah sounds good. I mean we were drunk so its not like it meant anything." He said rubbing the back of his neck.
"Yeah, exactly." I mumbled. "Forget this ever happened?" I held out my hand for him to shake.
"Never happened." he muttered.
I let out a sigh of relief and we walked to potions, awkwardly with about three feet between us at all times.
I was in transfiguration later that day that I finally got word from Sirius. He charmed a note to fly across the room to where I was sitting with Amelia.
We need to talk.
S.
I packed up my things slowly, waving at Amelia that I would catch her up. I walked slowly out of the classroom, looking around for Sirius. I felt myself being pulled around a corner and into a courtyard. Sirius sat down on the bench next to us and motioned for me to do as well.
"Why did you leave?" he said suddenly after a minute of silence.
I sighed, I really didn't want to have to explain myself to Sirius but I couldn't stand not talking to him.
"They wouldn't let me come back." I muttered.
"To Hogwarts?" he said
I nodded and watched him as he processed the information.
"So you value your education over staying with your family, with the people who love you?" he hissed. I flinched at the harshness of his voice.
"It's not as though they love me that much. They'd be glad to be rid of me. They have the golden child, Noah." I spat.
"I can't believe you just threw away what some people long for." He yelled, standing up.
"I'm sorry your home life was shit, Sirius but you have no right to judge mine on glimpses of what you saw." I shouted back, tears began rolling down my cheeks as I matched his movement.
"You had a fucking perfect life, Natalie. So don't even try to imagine mine." He said incredulously.
"Oh my god Sirius! You are so self absorbed. If you had even paid attention at all to me you would know what I'm talking about. At least your parents paid attention to you!" I was losing it and I could see he was too.
"Paid attention to me?" he roared, "you call beating me until I bled and hexing me into oblivion, attention?"
I felt horrible for laying the low blow but I was furious. "Your parents cared enough about you to make your life hell. Mine couldn't care less. The only reason they want me to come back is so their reputation isn't ruined." I whispered, venom lacing every single word. "Just back the fuck off Sirius." I turned and stalked down the corridor, wiping furiously at my cheeks to rid them of tears.
I reached the seventh floor but found myself walking away from Gryffindor tower. I was missing herbology but I honestly couldn't care less. I sat down in the middle of the corridor and slowly rested my back and head against the floor. I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, mulling over the things Sirius had said. I knew I shouldn't have run away but the thought of not seeing my friends felt like a punch in the chest. Also, though I hated to admit it, the thought of not seeing Sirius made it hard to breath. The fact that he hated me felt like someone was strangling me. I had never fought with him before and I was full of self loathing at the thought that I had hurt him.
Nobody came looking for me, they had probably already seen Sirius and got the story from him and thought I was just sulking. "What the hell are you doing, Delano?" said a male voice from behind my head, interrupting my thoughts.
"Wondering why the fuck you are even talking to me, Snape." I spat, sitting up slowly and turning to face him.
He curled his lip, which made him look even greasier. "Now, now, Delano." He sneered. "No need for disrespect towards your betters."
I stood up, this is what I had been waiting for; a good fight, preferably with fists. "Excuse me?" I responded, "Since when has filthy blood been better than pure?"
His face went white as a ghost and I smirked triumphantly. "at least a half blood is better than a blood traitor." He hissed. I glared at him and he raised an eyebrow; challenging me to fight him.
I walked slowly and deliberately towards him and punched him in the nose. I felt both his nose and my knuckles crack on impact, the sound echoing throughout the corridor.
"I'll get you for that you stupid bitch" he cried, whipping out his wand.
I pulled mine and laughed mockingly at him. "I'd like to see you try." I scoffed.
"Densaugeo!" Snape shouted and I felt my teeth begin to lengthen rapidly.
Furious I shouted back at him, "Depulso!"
He flew backwards ten feet and fell to a heap on the floor. I reversed the effects his curse had on me and walked slowly over to him. I hoped he hadn't hit his head, because then I would have been in so much trouble. My rage had stopped and I leaned over him slightly to get a look at him. He sat up suddenly, sliding away from me and shouted one word; "Sectum sempra!"
The curse hit me in the chest and I felt it slice through me. Shock froze me in place as I looked down to see my shirt covered in blood that was rapidly pouring out of my chest, shoulders, arms and thighs. My knees gave way and I was engulfed in black.
oOo
James looked hurled his possessions around the marauders room, looking for the map. He had to find her; no one had seen her for hours. He heard his friends coming up the stairs and ran to the door. "Padfoot." He puffed, "Have you seen the map?" his friend glared at him and shoved a hand into his pocket, pulling out a blank piece of parchment. Not having time to worry about Sirius, James sprinted down the stairs, unfolding the map as he went. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He muttered, tapping the parchment with his wand. Black ink swirled across the page, marking out the corridors and room of Hogwarts. Finding a deserted corridor he spread the map in the floor and searched for her name. He found the small black dot labelled Natalie Delano on the seventh floor right next to Severus Snape. He sprinted to the corridor, whispering "Mischief managed" as he went, making the map blank once more. What the hell she was doing with Snape he had no idea, but he knew that it would not end in them hugging it out. He forced himself to go faster, whishing he could transform and make the journey in no time at all, but he was in the castle so no such thing could occur. He heard shouting as he neared the corridor and the firing of spells. He heard the unmistakable yell of Severus Snape and was able to distinguish two words; sectum sempra. His blood ran cold; he sprinted around the last corner in time to see her knees give way, blood covering her body. She was losing it too fast and he felt a surge of deep hatred for Severus Snape. It wasn't that he didn't loath him before, but now there was utter hatred for the pale, greasy Slytherin. He slid on his knees to a stop next to her, whipping out the two way mirror he always carried and yelled Sirius' name into it. The other boy appeared looking annoyed but James had no time for him, "Get the fuck down here right now, bring Moony and get Wormtail to go to Madame Pomfrey. Seventh floor corridor. Quickly. I fucking mean it Padfoot." He yelled.
He shoved the mirror back into his pocket and turned his attention to Natalie. Her face was deathly pale and he took off his robe, pressing it into her chest, attempting to stop the rapid flow of blood. "Fuck." He muttered. "Come on, Nat. Don't leave me. Fuck" He whispered into her ear. Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he felt her pulse weakening. She couldn't die on him, he reasoned. He wouldn't let her.
He watched as his best friend had her life drain slowly out of her. He took off his shirt and jumper to stop the bleeding in her arms. Memories flashed before his eyes; they were children, running around the lake they used to have in their backyard; James teaching her how to ride a broom; the kiss they shared the night before. His mind lingered on that moment, when their lips met. He had never felt anything like it, he had been nowhere near as drunk as she had been and he had known the consequences of his actions.
He looked back down at her face and felt her heart stutter in one final attempt to beat. He slowly pressed his lips to hers in a last kiss and felt his body convulse with sob as he heard the pounding feet of his friends and Madame Pomfrey coming a moment too late.
A/N: whoa intense chapter. Review! If it doesn't make sense then tell me, it's a bit crazy but completely necessary (: so yeah review? Make me happy!