Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.

…

If he could turn back time, he would. He would turn back time to before he had confessed his feelings to Danny. Because he was afraid now. Afraid that he had forever lost his friend. His partner and confidante. He had made one reckless decision that might have cost him his best friend. He wasn't sure he could live with that mistake. He needed his Danny back. He just needed his friend back.

It had been barely 3 days. Three days since his heart had been broken to pieces. Three days since he had seen his partner. He wasn't quite sure if the ache in his chest was from his healing ribs or from his longing to see his partner. He suspects it was the latter. He missed his Danno so damn much.

He had made the colossal mistake of confessing to his best friend and... Maybe.. Maybe now, Danny never wanted to see him again. He winced at the thought. He couldn't lose his Danno. But it seemed like he already had.

Each time the door to his room opened, he hope it would be a certain specific loud-mouthed blonde. Each time, his heart was crushed when it was a nurse or doctor or his other teammates that walked in.

Never his Danno...

Danno...

The term suddenly felt forbidden on his lips.

More than a couple of times, he had reached out for his phone to text his partner, or to call Danny. He longed to hear Danny's voice. Even if it was to chastise him. But at the last moment, he would lose all courage and toss his phone aside. He wasn't ready to face the reality that he had irreversibly destroyed his friendship with Danny. That he had lost Danny.

Forever.

...

Faint, frantic voices floated above him. He struggled against the haze weighing above his head as he attempted to make sense of the distorted voices.

"Danny! Danny! Hey, you with me?"

His eyes peeled open slowly, the heaviness in his head threatening to bring him under yet again. He blinked wearily.

"Can you get up?"

He swallowed, nodding slightly. Firm hands grabbed his arm and shoulder, pulling him upright.

"You alright?" Concerned eyes analysed him as he attempted to get up onto his feet.

"Hey, easy. You okay."

"Yeah." He managed, nodding towards his couch.

His colleagues stood on either side of him, each holding onto him as they guided him to his couch.

He plummeted onto the couch with a muffled sigh. Leaning back, his eyes closed almost involuntarily as the room spun around him.

"Danny?" Chin called out in concern.

"We should probably get him to the ER." Kono worried.

"No..ER. M'okay." He voiced tiredly. "Jus..headache."

"How long?" Chin asked.

He shook his head, not knowing the answer to it. Time was a complete blur.

"Have you taken anything for it?"

He shook his head yet again.

"Have you had anything to eat?"

He nodded, whether his colleagues considered coffee as food was an entirely different issue.

"When was that?"

"A.. a while ago." He opened his eyes looking at his colleagues.

Chin furrowed his eyebrows, unconvinced. "I'm not sure you know what time or even day it is right now, Danny. You look a mess. Are you sure you're okay?"

He nodded. "Can y..you just get me some aspirin from the kitchen drawer."

Kono was swiftly on her feet and back by his side with the meds and water before he knew it.

He gratefully swallowed them. "Thanks." He voiced quietly. His mind clearing ever so slightly, he looked at Chin and Kono.

"What..what are you guys doing here?" He asked. All of a sudden, his chest seized in fear. He jolted forward. "Is it Steve? Is he okay? Did something happen? Is he alright?"

"Hey, stop. Nothing happened, okay. He's alright. He's fine. In fact, the doctors are saying he could be discharged within the week."

He heaved a sigh of relief. Swallowing the fear that had conquered his chest and attempting to slow his heart, he muttered, "Th..that's great news. He..Steve's doing okay." He said, tears prickling his eyes.

"Yeah." Chin said. "And you would know that if you were by his side."

He swallowed.

"Danny.. is everything okay?" Chin asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine."

"You're lying." Kono said.

He averted her eyes knowing she could read him almost just as well as Steve could. "Everything's fine."

"Really?" Kono asked, her tone overflowing with sarcasm. "Then why haven't we seen you at the hospital the last week? You would barely leave Steve's side when he was in a coma and now that he's awake... when you should really be by his side, you're not." Kono said.

He breathed yet funnily enough, he felt even more suffocated. "He's okay now. He doesn't need me. He probably never wants to see me again." His voice was a mere whisper.

"I don't understand.. wha.." Kono stopped mid-sentence, something seemingly clicking in her head. "Danny.. Did you tell him? Did you tell him that you love him? Did Steve.. Does Steve not feel the same way?"

He shook his head. "It's not that." He wished that was the case. Then he wouldn't be responsible for the hurt in his partner's eyes. He winced, his chest hurting as though his heart was literally breaking with the thought of his partner.

"Then what is it?" Kono asked. "Steve's not himself either.. What is going on?"

"You two shouldn't be here. Steve needs you guys by his side." He said.

"I don't think it's us he needs, Danny. It's you he needs." Chin said. "Did something happen? You can tell us, you know? Maybe we can help."

Danny leaned forward, burrowing his head into his hands. "Steve.. he.. he loves me." He said shakily, tears collecting in his hands.

He felt a firm hand on his shoulder. "That's great, brah. Isn't it?"

He shuddered as his silent tears turned into wretched sobs. His chest hurt from the pent up emotions.

It would have been great, really... If he weren't Danny Williams, the man incapable of being happy, that would have been the best thing to ever happen in his life.

Except.. he was Danny Williams. And although it had taken him well over thirty years to finally realise, he knew with full certainty now, that the universe could not see him happy. So having his partner love him back was possibly the worst thing because he couldn't reciprocate the feelings even though it was all he wanted to do.

He curled in on himself as the ache in his chest grew unbearable. He willed it to disappear. Yet, it only increased with every passing second.

Chin and Kono remained next to him. Solidarity in silence till his uncontrollable sobs finally subsided and his tears ran out. He breathed, his head spinning.

"Danny?" Chin was the first to speak. "You alright, brah?"

He nodded, unable to find his voice.

"You said Steve loves you." Kono said. "Then.. what is the problem? You love him too."

"Can't.." He heaved, his voice scratchy.

"Hm?"

"Ca..n't lov..e him.." He rasped. "I can't.. love Steve."

"Wh..what are you talking about?" Kono asked, confused." You love him. He loves you. What do you mean you can't love him?"

"I can't love him.. because if I do, I will lose him." He said, the tears which he thought had dried up slowly descended down his cheek. "I can't love him... because everyone.." he inhaled a shaky breath. "Everyone I love..leaves in the end. Steve almost died.. no no.. he actually did die for a few minutes.. His heart stopped. Because of me. I can't.. I can't lose him. I can't. I can't.." He muttered.

Chin and Kono were silenced by the confession, calculating the absurdity of Danny's words.

"I.. Danny? Are you listening to yourself?" Kono asked. "Do you realise how stupid you're being? Do you realise what you're doing?"

"Kono." Chin warned.

"Cuz. Are you hearing this?" Kono retorted. "It doesn't make any sense."

"I know what I'm doing. My partner.. the person I love the most in this world, I watched him dying right in front of me. My mind can't be more clear than this. I don't care if I'm being stupid. I'll do anything to keep Steve alive. Anything."

"Danny.." Chin sighed. "You're not..You're not thinking rationally at the moment. What you went through was traumatising. You almost lost Steve and you blame yourself for it. But it really wasn't your fault. You need time and maybe help too.. but you can't punish yourself this way.. you're not only punishing yourself. But Steve too. This isn't right."

"You don't understand, Chin... You won't understand.."

"i think I do." Chin said, his voice quiet. "I think I do, Danny. Malia. My wife.." Chin looked at his hands. "She died in my arms. She died because of me. She died only because I loved her so much. Because she was someone important to me. I think about it every single day. So I think I understand what it's like to lose someone you love more than yourself. You say I don't understand except I do. I know the fear, I know the self-loathing, the self-blame, the regrets.. I know it all. But you know what Danny? What I regret the most?"

Danny looked up at his colleague whom he'd rarely ever seen show any emotions but now had tears collecting in his eyes.

"What I regret most Danny, is not telling her earlier that I love her. I regret the time we wasted being apart. I regret how short our time together was because of my stubbornness. I don't regret marrying her, I regret not doing it earlier. Because every moment I spent with her was so precious and every second we weren't together was time wasted. I don't want you to have those same regrets one day. And trust me, if you don't grasp the happiness right in front of you right now, you will live to regret it."

Tears streamed down Danny's face. Chin was probably right. Maybe he would someday regret that he never told Steve the truth. Yet, what could he do? What could he do when the fear of losing Steve was much larger than those regrets.

"I can live with that." Danny voiced. "I can live with that."

"Danny." Chin voiced. "This isn't right."

"My mind is made. Please.. Steve cannot know this. He can't ever know that I love him the same way he loves me. He can't know." Danny said. Looking at Kono, he continued. "If he finds out, you'll never see me again."

"Danny, we can do you this favour. We can pretend not to see the love that the both of you have for each other. But can you?" Chin asked. "Can you hide your love for him?"

He knew it would be darn near impossible but he didn't have a choice now. He had to hide it.

Forever.

...

A/N: I know I am a few months overdue, but life's been pretty hectic what with finishing up my degree and settling into a new job. Plus, the muse went on a long vacation so there's that too. I really don't know if anyone is still interested in this story but I will try my best to finish it and update the soonest I can. Sorry for the wait and hope you enjoy it still. Take care everyone:)