Xigbar glanced up sharply from where he was polishing his guns, and that is not an euphemism for anything. (Yeah, right.)

"Someone's been firing powerful guns," he muttered, his sniper senses tingling. "And it wasn't me!" With that, he picked up his Sharpshooter and headed towards the source of commotion while hanging from the ceiling, just because he could.

When he reached Naught's Skyway, where his snipey senses were leading him, he saw absolutely nothing. "Could my snipey senses have misled me?" He wondered aloud, then quickly dismissed the thought.

"As if."

"Ciaossu."

"Wha-?" A huge silhouette on the wall shifted. Xigbar followed it with his one eye, noting where it tapered down to... a tiny baby in a smart fedora and black suit.

"I repeat. Wha?"

The baby stared at him with its terrifyingly black soulless face-pits. Xigbar was miffed that the baby had two huge eyes. It was as if the world was mocking him. All the worlds.

"How'd you get in the castle, kid?"

"I don't know," the kid said dispassionately. "I woke up, and I was here." Xigbar spotted the tiny CZ75 1ST he was toting.

"That was you?" He gestured with his Sharpshooter. "You were the one firing those shots?" Ordinarily he wouldn't even entertain the thought of a baby wielding a gun, but he could believe anything of this one. He gave him the creeps. It was probably something to do with the weird shadow.

"No," the kid said, and Xigbar relaxed. The kid had probably just picked up the gun from somewhere. What had he been thinking? Of course a kid wouldn't be able to-

"I haven't found anyone to shoot since I woke up here," he continued, and Xigbar's relief was short-lived as his hopes were dashed violently to the rocks like a paper boat in a class 12 hurricane.

"Okay, kid." Xigbar made sure not to let any of the unease he was feeling show. "We should figure out how to get you home." The baby sniffed, tugging his fedora brim lower to cast a shadow further over his eyes.

"I don't take orders, least of all from someone named Bigrax."

"... What." Xigbar gaped at him. How the fuck did he know about the nickname Axel and Demyx had coined?

"It's on your nametag." Like his Superior before him, Xigbar glanced down to find a neat bronze nametag pinned to his standard-issue leather coat, with the name BIGRAX engraved clear as Axel's hair.

"As if, kid," Xigbar shot back when he remembered to close his mouth. "The name's Xigbar. Shouldn't you be sitting at a playground bench waiting for your mama?"

"Maman has more pressing concerns and far too many mouths to feed," the baby levelled a stare at him with the soul-sucking black holes he had for eyes. "I am more than capable of taking care of myself."

The way he said it, Xigbar believed him. He stared back at the baby, feeling whatever was left of his heart slowly draining as they locked eye(s). Xigbar was constantly having to switch gazes with each eye, and he was aware that this was making him look extremely shifty to the extreme - wait, wrong character. These were rather unfair odds, and Xigbar inwardly cursed the day Terra had put his eye out and handicapped him forever in staring contests.

Suddenly there was a muffled boom, and the baby was enveloped in a cloud of pink smoke.

When the Marluxia-coloured smoke cleared, Xigbar's eye widened as he caught sight of the shadow again on the wall... this time leading to a tall man actually proportionate to his silhouette.

"Holy fuck," Xigbar said before he could stop himself.

"Your name is Boring?"

BANG.

The once-baby blew the top of his semi-automatic's smoking barrel and crushed his metal nametag in one fist.

"The name is Reborn." The pistol transformed into a tiny green chameleon and the man rubbed its head affectionately with one finger. "Isn't that right, Leon?" The chameleon purred in response. How it was able to do so remains a mystery to all crazy cat ladies to this day.

The basement trio were, predictably, in the basement. Or as the Organization referred to it, Nothing's Call. Vexen was busy with his experiments, Lexaeus with yet another puzzle, and Zexion with one of his lexicons. All of a sudden, a corridor of darkness opened in the ceiling and a spray of arrows peppered the room, shattering the test tubes and ripping the lexicon apart. Vexen gazed in horror at his ruined worktop.

"Xigbar!"

Xigbar jumped in and out of wormholes at random intervals, firing his guns in every direction. That wasn't unusual in the slightest. The odd thing was that he was in his underwear and there was a bright flame burning on his forehead.

"Xigbar, why are you half-naked?" Zexion demanded. "And why is your head on fire? Have you been drinking with Axel again?" Xigbar cartwheeled past him into yet another wormhole.

"Mess with boring old farts with my dying will!"

Meanwhile

Xemnas' head snapped up. "Did you hear that?" Xanxus ignored him in favour of shooting at the walls some more. Xemnas sighed and poured himself another shot of tequila.