Writers Note: I hope all my fellow Canadian's out there had a wonderful Canada day! And I hope my American readers had a great 4th of July! I am now back from my vaca and ready to update for you guys! Thank you Marina for staying up day and night role playing this out with me! I meant ALOT! Also, Thank you Jade and Emma for taking the time to be my beta readers! And thanks to all of you for your wonderful comments! I love you guys! Okay, Enjoy!
Chapter 5 - Two Worlds
Mood: "Raise your head up, lift high the load. Take strength from those that need you"
CTU Headquarters
2009
Renee paced back and forth in Jack's office, waiting for someone to confirm that Lucy was alright. Jack had made Renee stay behind, feeling her emotional involvement may have a negative impact on the mission, which drove Renee crazy. Each time the office phone ran, Renee would frantically pick it up, hoping it was Jack or Chloe calling with an update for Lucy, but it was always a field agent debriefing her on Charles position, which she cared less about at this point. All she wanted was Lucy safe in her care.
"Ms. O'Brian, we'll take her from here."
Renee spun around, letting out a sigh of relief when she saw Lucy and the little girl walk into the building. She wanted so much to hug her and never let her go, promising that she would never let anything happen to her, but Renee knew she had to keep this strictly professional. However, she did want to do something for Lucy.
She heard the office phone ring, glad when she heard Jack's voice on the other end.
"Hey," he said, sweetly.
"Jack, thank God you're okay," she replied, relieved.
"Did Lucy arrive yet?"
"About five minutes ago."
"Have they taken her to medical?"
Renee knew what she had to do for her; she also knew it would take awhile to convince Jack.
"Um, Jack, I want to talk to you about that."
Silence followed.
"I want to be the one to debrief Lucy. I've been in her situation before; I understand what she's feeling." Renee tried to keep her tone even but knew Jack could hear the pleading in her voice.
"Renee, I don't think that's a good idea."
Of course he doesn't, she thought angrily.
"Jack," she whispered. "Why can't you just trust me for once?"
"I do trust you; I just don't think you talking to Lucy about this kind of situation is a good idea."
"Why not?" she lashed out, pissed off at how difficult he was being.
"Because, I don't think you can keep your personal feelings in the dark."
Renee was extremely irritated at how little trust he still had in her, even after all they'd been through.
"I'm not going to bring up my personal relation to her, Jack, if that's what you're afraid of," she snapped.
"I'm not so sure about that," he argued, trying to stay calm but getting just as irritated as Renee was.
"Jack," she whispered again, closing her eyes to hold back tears of frustration. "Please let me do this. I know what she's going through. Doctors can't help in the way someone who has experienced it can. They don't understand the pain and horror a person goes through when put in that situation. I do. I can reach out to her," she paused. "Please, Jack."
She heard him let out a long sigh, one that showed he was caving in. Renee had him wrapped around her finger − it just took time for him to give in.
"You have to promise me you won't mention anything about your connection to her."
"I won't, Jack."
"No, I need you to promise me."
"I promise," she murmured, remembering the day Jack made her promise to stay right by his side. The day they found president Hassan dead, his throat slit open. She was so happy this wasn't that kind of situation with Lucy.
"Thank you, Jack," she whispered.
"I'll be there in 15 minutes," Jack promised, hanging up the phone to prevent himself from changing his mind.
Renee looked through the glass door, and felt her heart breaking when she saw Lucy sitting on the floor with her arms around her knees, a blank but traumatized look on her face.
"Lucy?" She took a step towards the girl. "I'm Special Agent Renee Walker."
Lucy looked up, giving her a dirty look and placing her head on her hands.
Renee walked closer, careful not to scare her.
"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" she asked sweetly.
Lucy kept her head down, pretending she didn't hear her.
"Hun," Renee sighed. "I know you may not believe me, but I've been there. You're not alone."
Lucy looked up at her, confused by her statement. She wiped the tears away from her face and sighed.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Renee took a deep breath, knowing this conversation would turn more personal than her liking − than Jack's liking.
"I've been in your position before, more than once. I know how you feel."
Lucy was completely confused and shocked.
"W-what?"
"I know what it's like to feel alone, even helpless. I also know it helps to talk about it."
Lucy put her head back on her lap, trying to fight the tears lingering in her eyes.
"So what if you have. Why do you care?" she said, harshly.
Renee looked away, scanning the room while thinking of the right words to say.
"Lucy, I…" she paused, forcing her gaze on the helpless girl in front of her, sucking in a breath to stay strong for her. "I care more than you know."
Lucy began to shake and Renee knew exactly why. She didn't say anything, mostly because she was scared to say the wrong thing.
"Where's Mackenzie?" The question had startled Renee.
"Um, she's with Jack. You don't have to worry about her. He has a granddaughter so he's good with kids," she stated, cracking a smile, thinking of how happy Jack was when he was with little Teri.
"Why can't she come up?" Lucy asked protectively.
"She can if you really want to see her, but first we have to make sure you're okay." She paused. "Uh, are you okay?" Renee tried to joke figuring Lucy wouldn't pick up on it.
To her surprise, she heard her let out a small giggle, and then watched as she lay her head down, beginning to sob uncontrollably.
Dammit, Renee thought, scolding herself for making the poor girl cry.
"Honey, don't cry. It's okay."
"H-how long does it t-take for the p-pain to go away?" she stammered. "I just want to be free."
"Hun, it can take awhile, especially mentally." The memories of her meltdown came rushing to her mind. It was right after she was fired from the FBI. The memories of Vladimir Laitanan's abuse, how she had kept it a secret for three years. Jack's dying eyes as he said his last goodbye, or so she thought.
She rolled down her sleeves, making sure they covered the scars of her weakness. She wouldn't let that happen to Lucy. If that meant staying with her day and night, comforting her or putting up with her anger, she would.
"I know you're a strong girl, Lucy. You can overcome this."
"I-I wish I could believe you."
They were both quiet for a long time.
"Why did you come to talk to me? I thought you said you were a special agent, not a nurse."
Shit, Renee thought. Please don't let her recognize me.
"No, I…" she paused, thinking of a way out of this. "I wanted to be the one to debrief you, since I understand what you're going through.
"Debrief?"
"Yeah. It's what we do after a field mission. It's just talking about what happened, really."
Renee prayed Lucy could trust her enough to at least tell her how the hell this even happened. She noticed that Lucy was hesitating so she went and sat beside her, folding her arms around her knees, copying her position.
"I know it may not seem like it will help, but you can trust me. I promise, I would never do anything to hurt you."
Lucy wrapped her arms around herself, as if to keep her from falling apart.
"H-how does this work? I just tell you what happened?"
Renee fiddled with her fingers. She was nervous of how this would turn out.
"Basically. Just start from the beginning. What was the last thing you remember before the…in…" Renee struggled to find the right words. "…before the incident?"
Lucy took a deep breath and began explaining the situation to the best of her ability.
"I-I remember getting into a fight with…" Lucy started to cry. "…with Sarah. My…my aunt." She took a deep breath. Renee knew this wasn't going to be easy.
"I ran away because I was angry. I went into a c-coffee shop and that's…" By this time Lucy was in the midst of sobs. "…when everything went black." She broke down in tears, unable to finish her explanation.
Renee wrapped her arms around Lucy's sobbing body, unsure of how she might react. Lucy began to roll her shoulders, forcing Renee to release her grip and pulled away from her but she eventually let herself slip back into the agent's arms, bawling into her chest.
"Honey, it's okay. You're safe here, I've got you." Renee was trying her best to comfort Lucy without seeming too needy herself.
"I-I don't have anyone." Lucy sobbed.
Those words brought her back to one of her darkest nights. The warehouse. Vlad's dead body lying on the floor. The bloody knife she'd used to end his life.
Renee had leaned over in her chair, sobbing and confessing that very same statement to Jack. She was shattered now, hating how much Lucy reminded her of herself.
She remembered the soft words that came from Jack's lips as well as she remembered her own name. Forever etched in her memory.
"You…You've got me." she repeated. "I know you may not know me, but I'm always here for you. No matter what."
She knew this conversation had turned into exactly what Jack feared it would. But that didn't last long. Renee was startled when Lucy ripped herself out of her arms.
"That's what they all say!" she yelled. "After you have your information, I'm useless. You don't care! You don't even know me!"
"I do care! I…" How do I tell her? What if she doesn't believe me? Renee took a deep breath. She was already in too deep.
"I know you more than you know," she confessed.
Lucy then began to remember who Renee was. She kicked herself for not realizing sooner but she was so distraught that she completely forgot about her research.
"Y-you're the redhead… from the cemetery." She stood up, backing away defensively. "Why were you there?"
Dammit, she knows.
"What cemetery?" Renee bluffed.
"The cemetery in Toronto. You were there. And on the plane! You were stalking me!" Lucy shouted frantically. "W-what do you want?" she cried.
Dammit, Renee why did you do that? She chided herself for going against Jack, and proving him right once again. She knew she couldn't lie anymore.
"I was supposed to be protecting you, but…" a single tear slipped, running down her cheek and down her neck. "I failed," she whispered, looking anywhere but in the girl's eyes.
"Protecting me? Why?" Lucy demanded. "Why do you care so much?"
"Because…" Renee walked away, looking down through the window as she tried to gather her thoughts.
Jack will hate me for this…
"…because I knew your parents. Subjectively."
"What are you talking about?" Lucy asked, confused. "You live here, don't you? How the hell could you know my parents?"
Renee knew she had no choice but to tell Lucy the truth, deciding not to disclose her exact relation to the girl.
"Your parents and I… were related. Uh, distant cousins." she fibbed.
Lucy shook her head. "You're crazy! Where's Mackenzie?" Lucy screeched, wanting to get her and Mackenzie as far away from this place as possible.
"She's here. Just wait, let me explain. I promise I'm not crazy." Although Jack may think otherwise.
She reached into her back pocket, pulling out a photo and passing it to Lucy.
"This may help explain," she sighed, watching as Lucy took the picture.
"H-how did you get this?"
"I told you, I knew your parents." she paused, moving closer to the child. "Can you trust me now?" Renee begged.
"You didn't get this from them. You got this from the newspaper article." she stated. "You were stalking me."
"NO!" Annoyance crept into Renee's voice. "I told you, I was there to protect you! Honestly, I have better things to do than stalk you. I have a family! I know you're upset, but keep the paranoid exclamations to a minimum! Geez!" Realizing she'd lost her temper, she sank back in horror. "I-I'm so sorry, Lucy. I don't…"
"I want out of here! Where's Mackenzie?" Lucy screamed, hoping someone below would hear her.
Anger flashed through Renee's eyes.
"You know what? I'm done," she said, throwing her arms up in mock surrender. "When you want answers, and feel ready to take that bastard down, let me know. Until then, goodbye." She felt horrible for coming down on her like that, but she was heartbroken that Lucy trusted her even less than Jack did. She wanted to be right for once, show Jack she could make the right decision. Lucy was proving her wrong like everyone else.
"Wait…" Lucy called out. "How do you think I'm supposed to react to this kind of information, huh? I was just put through hell! My aunt was murdered, Mackenzie was probably assaulted and I-I…" Lucy fell down to her knees, bawling into her hands.
Renee just stood by the door frame, unsure of what to do. If she walked over to Lucy, she might lash out again, so she stayed where she was, waiting for Lucy to say something.
"I have nowhere to go," Lucy cried.
Renee stepped forward, bending down to meet Lucy's sad gaze.
"Honey, I'm sorry. I just…" she closed her eyes, holding back tears. "I hate that I failed you. You have me. And even though you may think I'm crazy, that's okay, because God knows I'm not exactly normal either." Renee saw Lucy release a small smile. One that made Renee's heart melt. "I promise, Mackenzie is safe," she added.
Lucy calmed down, descending from sobbing to a soft cry.
"Can I see her?" she whispered.
"I'll go get her," Renee said, as she opened the door and walked out of the office.
Lucy looked out the big window, watching as Renee walked to another room.
Could it really be? Are we related? How does that even make sense? My parents didn't have cousins. None that I knew of, anyway. Should I trust her? Lucy thought to herself. Her thoughts vanished when she saw Renee carrying a tiny blond girl though the office door.