Merry (or Happy, for you British folks) Christmas
Happy Hanukkah (sp?)
Happy Kwanza
Happy 2010
Happy anything else you celebrate!
SCReWY DeWeY
CHAPTeR FIVe
Awkward Sitiuations
"Happy Marijuanika"
-My sisters boyfriend
Summer 1973 (Dewey is fourteen)
Dewey Potter was staying at her close personal friend, Larissa Jones house for the last two weeks of her summer vacation. Larissa owned a house in a suburb outside of New York, so when summer ended, they could go to school together, which would be more convenient for the Potters.
At least, that's what she told her mum.
In reality, she was living with her best friend and fellow fire elemental, Doon, at his crappy place in New York City. Doon was seventeen, and had his own place, so it made everything easier.
Dewey rolled over on the uncomfortable couch, she could feel the springs through the worn down cushion.
It was her third night in this shit-hole and she was loving it.
"Hey, Doon," She called out. "Do you own this place?"
"Nah," He said, reentering the room with two beers in his hand. "It's abandoned."
"Oh." She tentatively took the beer he handed her. "How does the electricity work, then?"
Doon rolled his eyes like it was obvious, "Magic. Duh."
"Er," Dewey used a beer opener to pop the top of the glass bottle, "I've never had beer before. Or any type alcoholic beverage."
"Really?" He scrunched his eyebrows together. "Hm, well, you don't have to."
"No, no," Dewey smirked at him. "I think I'm old enough to lose my beer virginity."
She raised the can to her lips hesitantly, and took a sip. The carbonated drink burned the inside of her mouth and she coughed, clamping a hand over her lips to she wouldn't spit it out.
Doon burst out laughing at her expense.
"Oh Merlin!" She cried, "It went up my nose! Ow, fuhhh- dude, this isn't funny! It really burns!"
Dewey freaked out for a little while before they both fell into silence.
After a few minutes, Doon spoke up. "Say beer can."
"Beer can," Dewey said. When they were bored, Doon would make her say things he thought sounded funny with a British accent.
He snickered, "Dude, when you say beer can in a British accent, it sounds like Bacon in Jamaican. Say banana."
"Banana."
He actually laughed, muttering under his breath. "Heh, buh-nuh-nuh."
"What?" She shoved his shoulder. "You say buh-nana. That's just...just..."
"Let's go on the roof," He suggested randomly, grabbing more beer bottles on his was out.
Swing...Smash.
Swing...Glass breaking
Swing...Metal clanking.
Swing..."Ow!"
"Sorry," Dewey giggled.
"I never. Never ever ever. Woulda thoughta you as a giggler," Doon slurred.
This made her giggle harder.
Surrounding Doon's abandoned house were several ware houses and storage homes. During the day, they walked through the city, snatching stuff from peoples stands and graffiti-ing walls.
At night, however, when everyone left the ware houses, they were alone for a half mile in each direction.
Dewey swung her golf club again, trying to hit the golf ball off of the top of her empty beer bottle, but only succeeded in smashing off the neck.
Doon swung at his and they heard a window of one of the ware houses break.
"Oh shit," Doon said through his chuckles, and Dewey was giggling harder than ever.
When she missed again, she through the club to the ground, "Only rich people play golf anyway!"
"Dewey, you are a rich person." He informed her, "I mean, you're British."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"I dunno...it gives off the air of richyness."
Dewey opened her mouth to protest, but then shrugged and put a fake Sherlock Holmes pipe in her mouth and blew on it. Bubbles came out. "I am pretty rich."
"And very British."
"Yes, that too."
"British people with posh British accents are rich, and British people with cockney British accents aren't rich."
"Riiiiiight," Dewey rolled her eyes. Then giggled some more.
"Merlins bawlin ballz, Dewey, you are such a light weight," Doon swung his club at empty air and stumbled forward.
"Not am I!" She frowned, "I mean...I not am! No, that's not quite right either...Whatever, i's my firstest time bein' drunk anyway so...shu'up!"
She flopped backwards and announced in a high-pitched and matter-o-fact voice, "Wine make me tipsy and beer makes me drunk!"
"You've never had wine!"
"I know," She said, "But my dad has and it makes him tipsy so it must make me tipsy too."
"Your dad drinks wine?"
"I think I'm gonna puke," Dewey informed him, before leaning her head off the roof and puking. "That'll be stuck to the side of the house in the morning."
"I told you you shouldn't have taken that medicine!"
Dewey held up her hand and wagged her finger at him, faking a southern accent, "Ah have acid reflux, and Ah thought that mebbe if Ah took mah medicine, Ah wouldn't feel lahke Ah was gonnuh puke."
"I don't think it's good to take any medicines wiff alcohol," Doon told her. "You coulda like...died or somethin'. Maybe. Depends on the med'cine, I think."
"Didja know that I'm the screwy twin?" Dewey said.
Are all drunks this bad at continuing conversations about one thing, She wondered, Or is it just us?
"What d'you mean?"
"I mean my parents only wanted one son," She threw her arm over her face to block out the rays of the slowly rising sun. "That's purebloods for ya'. They say they're not prejudice, but they are. They hate me fer bein' a furr elemental."
"They probably do," Doon agreed. "My parents kicked me out an' ev'rything, You should run away tonight!"
"Doon, I hafta be at home to run away."
"Oh. Right."
Doon swung his golf club one last time but ended up tripping and swinging the club...
...right into Dewey's face.
1976
4:00am Sirius POV
I was laying in be getting my beauty sleep (psht, like I needed it) when I heard the door open and someone enter the dorm room.
The person started digging around in the stuff under my bed, and through my trunk. I slid open my curtains slightly and saw a silhouette shifting stuff around on the floor and, in my half-asleep state, I thought it would be a good idea to fight this person.
I grabbed him person around the waist and pulled him onto my bed, trying to pin him down beneath me, and then I'll wake one of the others to go get Dumbledore.
The thief and I wrestled for a minute more before I heard his head hit the headboard and I was pinned by him, "Ow! James, it's me!"
Wait, that wasn't a dude, that was Dewey!
"Dewey?"
"Who did you think it was, Voldemort?" She snorted, "Seriously, James..."
"Sirius," I told her. "Now get the hell off of me."
I felt her shift over so she was on the edge of the bed.
"What are you doing here?" I hissed.
"It's a secret." I rolled my eyes at her. She yelped when I grabbed her around the waist and we wrestled again before I pinned her.
"What are you doing here?" I reiterated. Dewey squirmed underneath me but I didn't let up. I really was curious, but mostly I just wanted to annoy her for waking me up so early. "Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No!"
"Fine then," I fell completely on top of her, "I guess I'll just go back to sleep then."
"Sirius," Dewey tried to shove me off. "You're - crushing – me. Can't – breath."
"If you can talk then you can breath," I reminded her. Finally, she agreed to tell me.
She put her arms behind her head and I sat up, straddling her stomach.
"I was looking for..." She pulled the map, which had been under my pillow, "This!"
Dewey tried to jump out from underneath me, but ended up letting the map fly somewhere outside of the hangings and hitting her head on the headboard again.
"How did you know about the map?" I'd kill James if he told her, we agreed that it would be our only all-marauder secret, because Dewey knew that rest.
"So it's a map!" Damn it, I just gave away the secret. She kept trying to flip us over. Eventually, she spat on my face, to try and distract me.
"Oh, Merlin, Dewey!" I wiped my cheek. "You have, like, acid spit!"
In my moment of weakness, she managed to flip us over again. I tried to shove her off of me, but she wouldn't budge.
"Sirius what're you-" Remus opened the bed hangings and then blushed furiously. "Oh, er, sorry."
"What?" I looked towards Dewey, before realizing what this might look like.
Dewey was straddling my waist, her hair messed up and during our struggling a few of the buttons on her shirt had come undone. She was in her uniform, and while I had tried to push her off I had put my hand on her upper thigh causing her skirt to rode up, and my hand was still there. And the fact that I was only in boxers didn't help.
Dewey shoved her fist in her mouth to stop her giggles and I drew back my hands like they'd been burned. Which they sort of had been, because Dewey was a fire elemental so she was always hot. In two ways.
Wait.
Wait, no. That was just...no. Just- just, scratch that.
"Well, that was awkward," Dewey giggled, patting my lower stomach and causing the muscles to tighten there. She raised an eyebrow. "Ickle Sirius came out to play?"
"No!" My face flushed darker red. "I just have my...wand in my pocket."
"So, you keep your wand in the pocket of your boxers while you sleep?"
"Yes," I nodded, "Yes I do, in fact I- will you just get off of me? You're making me uncomfortable."
"I dunno if 'uncomfortable' is the right word for what you're feeling right," Dewey grinned attractively. I mean. Mischievously. In an unattractive way. "But I suppose I'll be going now."
It took me a half an hour to realize that she had taken the map.
Damn that girl.
Lunch time Dewey's POV
Sirius had managed to avoid me all day, even with out his map. The map that I couldn't get to work, Merlin dammit!
I was in an empty classroom somewhere on the fourth floor when a girl and a guy walked in the room.
"Dewey Potter!" The girl yelled when she saw me. "Why, I haven't seen you in ages."
She had extremely long curly blonde hair, long legs, and misty blue eyes. She had a Hufflepuff tie and the uniformed shirt and skirt on, but white, knee-high converse that she had written on all over the fabric. Her hair was pulled into a side ponytail, and it reached her waist. On the top of her head sat a black beret.
"Do I know you?" I didn't recognize either of them.
She grinned and said, "Well, last time you saw me I was an average looking brunette but that was just an experiment. It's me, Pippin!"
"Pippin Harrison?" Last time I saw her, she was average height, medium length brown hair, and brown eyed. Oh, the confusion! "What were you experimenting?"
"I wanted to see if more people than him" she jabbed a thumb at her companion, "would talk to me like that," She shrugged, "So I walked around like that for a week. Using a spell I created, I might add!"
"Did more people talk to you?"
"Yep, but this," She ran a hand over her side, "Is much more fun."
"Well, Sirius talks to you," I pointed out, "So it's already more than him."
"Sirius doesn't talk to me around other people," Pippin said with a shrug. "He's popular."
"Well that's rude." What a dick! Seriously, Sirius? I looked at her friend and noticed his Slytherin tie.
"I'm Raymond Zabini," He introduced himself, "But call me Ray."
"I'm Dewey, call me Dewey," I told him, "So, you're a nice Slytherin?"
"Yeah," He gave me a small smile. "Also a gay Slytherin."
"Respect," I nodded. "Well, I'll talk to you guys in public. Just to see the reactions."
"Cool," Pippin said, "The outgoing Hufflepuff, the screwy Gryffindor, and the gay Slytherin. Talking. In public. I'm excited to see the look on your houses faces."
"Well then, let's go to lunch," I suggested. At least I won't have to sit with Sirius today, that would be awkward. I shoved The Marauders 'map' (AKA ratty piece of parchment) into my pocket.
"What table should we sit at?" Ray wondered aloud. "Not Slytherin."
"Definitely," I agreed, "I vote Hufflepuff."
"Hufflepuff will be nice to you guys, but Gryffindor will be funnier," Pippin pointed out.
"True."
When we arrived in the Great Hall, we sat at the Gryffindor table, away from James and his friends. Though The Marauders were always nice, the other guys gave me weird looks whenever I talked, like they thought I shouldn't have an opinion on whatever they talked about. And the girls would giggle at me and whisper, while looking at me, making it quite obvious that they were talking about me.
Everyone in the surrounding area stared at us, and I couldn't help but start to giggle. Soon after, Ray started to chuckle, and Pippin buried her face in her arms, putting her head on the table.
Our quite giggles turned into loud ones, and our loud giggles turned into hysterical laughter. Ray was borderline crying, and Pippin was practically banging her head on the table.
I fell sideways off the bench and ended up rolling under the table. Everyone around us stared even harder, making us laugh even harder, and we finally stopped, and I came out from under the table, and we stared at each other, and started laughing again.
Yup. This is the life.
a/n- this was supposed to be out on Christmas, but my super-huge Irish/American family came and never really left. So...HAPPY 2010!
Lulz, Dewey's first experience with alcohol, based on mine...no, I didn't get hit in the face with a golf club. Yes, it came out my nose. Thank Merlin I was only with one other person, not at a party...