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Chapter 9 - Innocence

Mood: "Waking up to see that everything is okay, the first time in life and now it's so great"

I surveyed Renee. "Renee? What is it? Are you sick?"

"I don't know. I... ohhh!" she cried, clenching her stomach and pulling a knee down to support herself.

"What is it, Renee?" I panicked.

"I have cr…ohh!" she screamed again.

I stood there helplessly, trying to make sense of what was going on.

"What can I do?"

"Can you get me a…" Renee flinched as another jolt of pain hit her. I watched as she limped over to a sit, when I spotted a dark line running down her pants.

"RENEE!" I cried, terrified of the sight I was seeing. "You're bleeding!"

"Phone, Lucy. I need a phone." Her voice was shot.

"From where?" I couldn't stop panicking long enough to think.

"My bag." she cringed in pain.

I frantically dug through her bag when a thought came to me. "Wait, Renee you're not... you didn't get your test results back, did you?"

"Uh, yeah. They were fine. Just pass me my phone, please."

"Here." I handed her the phone. "Oh god Renee, you're drenched." I said realizing why that might be. "Y-your pregnant, aren't you?"

"Lucy, let me just make a phone call. Please"

"Dammit, Renee! Something could be seriously wrong with your and Jack's baby and you don't even care?" I cried, taking matters into my own hands.

"HELP!" I called.

Renee tried to shut me up but was in too much pain to speak again.

"Help!" I called again hoping someone would hear me. What the hell was wrong with her?

"Dammit Lucy, please...stop" Renee pleaded. I looked over my shoulder and gave Renee a nasty look, proceeding to run to a guard who was walking toward us.

"Sir!" I called.

"Ohhhh" I heard her moan again.

"Sir! Thank you! My...aunt she's... Well I think she's pregnant and she's bleeding" I explained frantically.

"I'll go call for help" he scampered off.

"AUNTY!" I had forgotten Mackenzie was witnessing the whole thing.

When I turned around, Renee was on the floor.

"Ma'am?"

My eyes flew open and fixed on the young man who had just shook me awake. He was way too young to be a nurse. Probably seventeen at the oldest. Intern? Possible.

"How is she?" I asked, concerned. "Was she…?"

"She's fine. You can go in now. The doctor wants to talk to you both." he ordered.

"Thanks."

I got up and walked forward. Truth was I wasn't ready to face Renee. Mentally, anyway. She had infuriated me. She could have died if it hadn't been for me. I thought. I walked to room 024 and opened the door.

I immediately locked eyes with the doctor who was sitting by a monitor, avoiding looking at Renee.

"What happened?" I asked the doctor. He held onto his grave look as he stared at a file of papers. "Is she ok?" I pressed, irritated.

I glanced at Renee, who shifted her gaze and focused on the blank wall. The doctor was still silent.

"Can you give me an answer?" I demanded. He looked up startled and stood up, lifting Renee's shirt in the process.

"Look at the monitor" he ordered.

I hesitantly walked over to the black and white screen and gazed at the area he was pointing too. "Whoa. Is that…?"

"A baby. Yes" he confirmed. I let out a sigh of relief and wandered my gaze back onto the screen, fascinated.

"It's so tiny" I murmured.

"That's because it's barely 10mm. She's three weeks along" he explain.

I looked over at Renee, whose face was sad and teary. She hadn't moved her gaze from the wall since I walked in.

"What's wrong with her?" I whispered in his ear. He turned the monitor screen off and collected his papers.

"I'm going to send in a nurse to check you over, Ms. Walker." he said as he stepped outside. "I'll leave you alone for a minute first" he added.

I looked over at Renee and walked to the side of the bed. I was so glad Kim came to get Mackenzie. I could sense this wasn't good.

"Renee?" I sighed.

Renee slowly turned and looked at me. I could see the pain and fear in her eyes.

"What's wrong? Are you still in pain?"

"No..." she answered. "Not the pain you think I'm in"

"Renee I'm sorry for freaking on you. I was just worried." I saw Renee close her eyes and sigh. "W...What is it?"

"Lucy... I..." She stopped.

I pulled myself up onto the bed beside Renee and pressed more gently this time. "Renee... you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know, Lucy...it's just..." She shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

I tried a different approach. "Have you told Jack?"

Renee shook her head. "No... No, I haven't told anyone."

"Whatever this is about, you can tell me," I tried to assure her. "I'm here for you, Renee. You know that."

Renee nodded slowly but kept her eyes focused on the white tiles of the hospital room floor. "I know."

"Renee, please look at me." When she looked up, I asked again. "What happened?"

A soft whimper escaped Renee's lips. "You...you were right." A tear slid down her cheek as she said the words. She crossed her arms lightly over her stomach. "I...I had a..." She couldn't finish.

I tried not to gasp in shock as the meaning behind Renee's words hit me. The whole truth she couldn't bring herself to say.

"Oh, Renee..." I covered my mouth with my hand and tried to keep from sobbing. "I'm so sorry..."

Renee said nothing and shifted her gaze back to the floor.

I wanted to ask how she could have had a miscarriage when she was still pregnant but decided she may need some space first. "Do you want a moment alone?" I asked sadly.

Renee rolled over and looked me in the eyes, gently placing her hand on my shoulders. "Just long enough for you to get something to eat."

"Renee don't worry about me, I'm fine. I want to make sure you are."

"Just go, honey. Get some food. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"Okay" I agreed and left the room.

I walked down the long white halls of the hospital, peeping into different rooms and conversations as I walked by. The cafeteria was on the third floor. I made my way to the elevator and walked inside. I jumped when the door shot back open and the young doctor walked through the door.

I awkwardly moved over to the corner as the door closed and the elevator began to move.

"I'm sorry about what happened," he spoke.

Was he talking about the baby or my experiences?

I gave him a confused look.

"The…Your aunt?" he cleared.

The elevator doors opened and we both stepped out.

"Oh…"

We continued to walk down the hall when I turned around, blocking the doorway.

"What happened?" I asked. "I don't understand. I mean, she's still pregnant."

He looked down at his watch and sighed. "I'm on my break now. Care for lunch?"

I froze. Was that a general question or did he just ask me out?

"What I mean is, would you like to get a bite to eat while I explain?" he must have seen my petrified look.

"Uh, sure." I agreed awkwardly.

I stood back as he ordered his food. "You ordering?" he said, snapping me out of my daze. I looked at the food disgusted. It all looked like a bunch of gloop.

"Uh, I'm not hungry actually" I mumbled. "But I'll have a decaf, please."

He looked at me stunned.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You drink coffee? What are you, like fourteen?"

"Sixteen, actually. And it's decaf. Free of caffeine" I said sarcastically

He passed me the cup and we headed to a table. "Besides, you're not much older than me. Seventeen?"

"I'll be at the end of next month."

I stared at him, a little dazed. He had blue-green eyes and light brown hair. He looked about 5'8 and was neatly shaven.

Cute

"What?" he asked. I sat back flushed.

Did I say that out loud?

"N…nothing. So what happened?"

He sat back in his chair and took a slurp of his soup. "Renee had two sacs." he began.

I sipped my drink and looked up. "Twins?"

"Yes and no."

'What do you mean?"

"She had two sacs but one wasn't developed. It happens sometimes in older women." he explained.

"So…she didn't lose a baby?"

"Technically, no. There was nothing there to begin with. Her body automatically reacted and got rid of it. To make room for the growing fetus." he explained. "But it can affect her the same as if she did lose one."

I leaned over, put my elbows down on the table and rested my head on my hands.

"So, all that pain and blood was from an undeveloped fetus?"

"Yes. Her body would react the same way as if it were a miscarriage."

I slid my fingers through my hair and held my hand to my neck.

"What can I do to help her?" I sighed.

"Give her some time, I guess. It's still a traumatizing experience, and in her mind she lost a life."

"The other baby is healthy though, right?"

"As far as I know, yes."

I slouched back in the seat and let out a loud sigh, blowing the strand of loose hair away from my face. I tried to think of a way to make this even the slightest bit easier for her. I looked up at him and got an idea.

"How high up are you in this hospital?"

He coughed on a mouthful of liquid and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Sorry?" he choked.

"Your rank or whatever it's called here in a hospital. What can you do?"

"I'm just an intern. I'm working for the summer for CO-OP." he said.

"Hmm. I need you to work the ultrasound monitor for me.''

He choked on another mouthful of soup, so I took it away until I finished my request.

"Excuse me?"

"I have to get Renee to see the baby. Once she does, I know she'll be okay."

"But I don't have clearance."

I looked around to see if anyone was listening in on our conversation. "So, sneak" I said, keeping my voice low.

"I can't just go against the rules."

"Oh, come on. It's not that big a deal." I grinned at him. "And I can sense you like a little trouble now and then."

He kept quiet, but after a moment of staring him down I knew I had him.

"Fine."

We both walked back to room 024.

"Wait, maybe I should go in first and ease her into it. She's still fragile"

"Good idea." he agreed

I twisted the doorknob and stepped inside. "You keep watch,"

Renee was leaned over the bed. Her face was in her hands and I could see her body shaking. I didn't have anything planned to say to her. One wrong word and I could damage her permanently. I closed the door as quietly as possible and tiptoed over to join her on the bed.

"Renee?" I whispered.

She sniffled and turned to face me. Her eyes were puffy and fire red. She must have been crying the whole time I was gone. I felt bad for leaving her.

I placed my arm around her back and pulled her closer. "Talk to me" I begged.

I felt her turn into my chest, slamming her face into my shoulder as she cried her eyes out.

"Awww, Renee. Don't cry. Listen, I know what happened." I tried to comfort her. "The intern told me. Renee it's not that bad. There was nothing to lose."

She let me go and looked down at her hands. I gently tucked my hands under hers and held them tight. "Renee, there was nothing there. Nothing died; it's not your fault. It's just nature."

"It must be me. Something wrong with me. That's why it happened." she mumbled.

"Renee, listen. It was an empty sac. It happens. But you have a perfectly healthy child inside you that's growing. That's what you should be thinking about. Not something that didn't exist."

"What if something happens to this one?" she choked between sobs, placing her hand over her stomach.

"You can't think like that, Renee. Remember what you told me when I first moved in? Fight fire with fire. You have to be strong. And besides, this baby is both a Bauer and a Walker. Can't get much tougher than that."

I saw the smallest turn of her lip form and I beamed. Did that really work?

"I've just lost so much over the years."

Guess not.

"Look, I know the feeling of losing things. I get it. But in this case, you really didn't lose anything. Nothing was there to lose, Renee. You have to stop blaming yourself."

"But…"

"Lie down." I ordered.

"What?"

"Lie down" I repeated.

"Why?"

"Just do it. Trust me."

Renee scooted over and lied back down on the bed with a puzzled look on her face.

"Stay there." I headed towards the door.

"Okay, come in now." I ordered him, pulling his shirt to get him in quicker.

"Lucy, what's going on?"

"Just stay there, Renee." I ordered, turning back to the intern. "Okay, do your magic"

I watched as he headed over to the monitor. I walked over to Renee and sat on the edge of the bed.

"He's going to show you your baby." I said calmly.

"No, Lucy, I…"

"Shh," I stopped her. "You're doing this."

"But I…"

"Renee, are you telling me you don't want to see your own kid?"

"It's not that I don't want to, Lucy." she whispered. "I'm afraid."

I reached out for her hand. "Don't be. Ready?"

Renee closed her eyes and exhaled. She nodded.

I watched as he placed the jelly on her stomach and slowly moved the sensor over her womb.

"See?" he pointed out.

Renee turned her head and the second she did, tears welled up in her eyes.

"That's...?"

"A baby. Yes" I repeated the doctor's words and we both giggled.

"It's so..."

"Tiny? I know!" I interrupted again.

Renee gave me a funny look.

"Sorry, a little excited." I admitted. I directed my next question at the doctor. "Can we tell if it's a girl or boy yet?"

"No, not yet. It's still too small to tell, but soon we should be able to." He smiled. I smiled back.

I glanced back at Renee, who was staring at the both of us.

"Am I missing something here?" she smiled.

I flushed "Uh, nothing."

Renee laid her head back on the pillow and sighed, glancing back at the screen. "This isn't a dream, right?"

I leaned over and gave her a little pinch on the arm.

"Hey!" she protested. "What was that for?"

"Guess you're not dreaming," I said with a wink.

She smiled.

'Well, I better turn this off before I get in trouble." The doctor decided

"Right, thanks so much for doing this. Has Renee been checked over?"

"Yes, Lucy, I have," Renee answered for him. "And I've been cleared."

I got off the bed and helped Renee stand back on her feet. I was startled when she pulled me into a tight hug and placed a kiss on me cheek.

"Thank you." she murmured.

"Anytime" I hugged back.

We headed to the door and Renee stepped out. I went to follow when I felt a tug on my arm.

"Will I see you around here again?" I heard him ask.

I honestly didn't want to come back here but I knew what his question really meant. I smiled and felt my face turn red.

"We'll see."

"Great!"

"I'm Lucy." I said, pulling my hand out.

"Jamison." He shook my hand. "But you can call me Jamey."

I felt Renee eyeing us and could hear her foot tapping as she waited.

"See you later." I said, running off to catch up to Renee.

She gave me a grave look as if I had hid a secret from her.

"What?" I asked.

Renee just looked at me and then bumped my hip. "You know what." she smiled.