Chapter 4

Daisies Guard

I climb down from the tree and grin at Peeta and Haymitch. "What are you in the mood for Peeta? Would you like a squirrel, rabbit or maybe a broiled mockingjay?"

Haymitch tries to keep a straight face but his effort is not enthusiastic enough to be effective. "I think we should stick to a little hair of the dog myself." He offers me his pocket flask.

I raise it defiantly to Peeta and take a long draw. He is disapproving but confused by the way I am awake here. "Thanks Hay. Have a snort then come on. There are turkeys up on the ridge if we move fast. Peeta, you will have to stay here. We have to travel swift and silent."

He nods. I pull out a book of paper and some charcoal for him from my now empty game bag. "Draw something. I have missed seeing your visions."

He looks at me in amazement. I look at Haymitch and turn to begin our journey. He follows me, nearly as quiet as I am, but neither of us could match Gale in his natural stealth. Our breathing becomes labored as we ascend. The turkeys are still there, easy picking for Haymitch and I. He kills two and I kill four just to show off.

We gather our prizes. I sit down on a log and tuck all the birds in my game bag, liking the way it feels normal with such weight. "Haymitch have you done the math yet?"

He takes a seat next to me. "I don't know Katniss. His anger and jealousy say one thing while his words say something else."

"Then I guess you won't be making the plans this time. Least not until I catch you up." I look at him more clearly than I have in days.

"Welcome back sweetheart." He says and touches my cheek.

"He's here to kill me Hay. He's still playing, but he has a whole new weapon." I explain.

"I don't believe it. He will come around Katniss. It has only been a day and a few hours since his arrival. You are a lot to take in. Give it some time." He is calm but his close scrutiny tells me he is wondering if I am still slipping with the voices.

"I am not wrong. I am clear. There must be a victor Haymitch. You can't save us both any more. Pick Haymitch. Who will you mentor this time?" I smile and bring my knee up resting my palms on it and tuck my head there. "I am not crazy, but I will do exactly as you say. Long as you know that if you pick him, I won't fight. Actually, I won't fight at all unless you specifically tell me you pick me."

"Katniss, what are you telling me. Peeta would never hurt you. He saved you, remember?" Haymitch is shaking his head.

"Did he? Haymitch, think about it. If not for you, Plutarch and Dr. Aurelius, what did he save me for? Nightlock quick and painless or prolonged torture and a nasty public execution? He never did tell you where he'd been. Mutts were not just made of venom and torture. It is a lot more and therapy, drugs and pure hearts, don't fix it." I stand and gaze down at him waiting to see if he can make the leaps across the bridge and find me.

His sparkling gray eyes hide the battle in his mind. "The games are over. Snow is dead. Peeta is not here to hurt you."

"Snow may have been hideous, but he liked me. Even you didn't know that did you? He would not have let it end so easily. He would have known I got the message. He wanted me to know he cared in his twisted way. You believe me don't you Hay?" I feel polluted for explaining this sick thing between the late President Snow and I. Me killing him was his ultimate fantasy; especially knowing he would return the gift. In his mind this would have been a romantic tragedy that he would consider the decisive pleasure. I knew why Snow laughed that day. He thought it proved he'd won me. In his twisted mind, I loved him more than Peeta for that act.

"Katniss this is some strange thing your mind has done. It is not real. Peeta would not have been released. I don't think for a second he would hurt you. He would not be so filled with rage at me if he didn't want you. You can't live back there. Snow didn't send you a message. Our hunger games are over now. I don't have to choose things like that any more." His face watches me and I see he won't, rather than can't, understand.

I sigh. "Damned. Kinda thought you'd pick me again. Ok then. We ought to get back. I need a drink now."

I couldn't wait to get back to confusion. My heart finally gave up all will. Claudius Templesmith may as well have announced a feast. I broke inside thinking the man that loved me the most in my whole life might just be the one who smelled of blood and roses.

"Katniss, Please don't speak like this. You have made a mistake. He won't harm you. I don't like the way he's acted, but you are not thinking clearly."

I leaned in and kissed him. I try to smile and nod. "Bye Hay. See you soon."

He clasps my hand and his head shakes no. "Not yet sweetheart. Please stay a little bit longer with me. Enjoy your woods. We aren't even close to home yet." His eyes plead with me to talk to him a little longer. I turn my back and walk a few steps before I realize what I want more than confusion.

"If you kiss me again, I will try." I turn, waiting for him to walk across the distance. I look much more confidant then I am. I smile meanly and almost say I am joking.

His eyes soften and he takes a step then another. His face changes as he pulls me to him. He bends slowly and I realize there is real desire for me in his eyes. His pupils are wide and his lashes half cover his eyes. His arms slide around me and pull me off balance, at his mercy, as he closes his lips on mine. He feels pleasant and I have longed to be wanted so much, it sends sensation through me and I moan in the bliss of this moment.

The sound seems to feed his hunger and I have never been kissed like this from Peeta or Gale. I come up for air as he clamps me to his form, pressing us together in a way that makes me feel like I sizzle. I close my eyes and feel only the sensations of him. My nails dig into his shoulder as I feel his tongue probing my mouth and I beg for more. My breath comes in gulps and I know I must have fear all over my face. I am so awake I think my heart could explode.

"Think that might keep you with me a while longer sweetheart?" He looks at me with a smile that says he knows just exactly how he's affected me.

I try to say something. I suck air in my lungs and it takes all of it for the only word I manage to form. "Yes."

I want to stay up high here. I talk to Haymitch a little, but I discover he mostly wants to talk to me. He tells me how well I am doing.

I spend our time climbing down with the heavy bag silently trying to relive that kiss and feeling upside down. I want Peeta to go away and I want to go back to alone with Haymitch. I feel like things are beginning and I could maybe not have to be crazy forever.

Maybe I could come back from the games after all. Maybe life could exist. Maybe the Mockingjay and even the two Katniss Everdeens could be free. Maybe they could all be reborn from ashes and sorrow like the rebellious daisies that grow proudly covering the past full of death.