The last reaping

Peeta waits for us glaring and sullen. He finishes a sketch he is working on and flips the book I gave him closed. "How was your luck Miss Everdeen? Kill anything of note?"

I blink at the formal greeting. I glance at Haymitch and widen my eyes, hoping it is plain to him."Six turkeys. Thought we could give one to Sae, Keep two and maybe the other three for the collectors. They work hard and might like them. I will get you a squirrel next time." I reply casually. I will try if that's what Haymitch wants.

"You do seem better here. Did you have fun? I brought us all a picnic. If you're hungry." He lays orange cheese and apples on a spread then drags a container of sae's eggs, spiced and savory out of his pack. He's brought bean and curd sandwiches with garlic. I don't like them much, but I eat them to be polite.

Haymitch looks at me with pride as I sit and talk, like a normal person. He and I act like we hate each other, but I can't help but glance at him as I wish Peeta were not here. Peeta is not forthcoming on his activities since he was released although he does admit that he was there to see Finnick's child born.

"Annie had a baby?" I smile delighted.

He pulls out the sketchbook and shows me a picture of a baby with a seashell necklace. I hold the picture as he gives details of the event and how she had named the boy Mason Finn, beings Johanna had agreed to stay with her to protect them from the 'services' collecting him from an incapacitated person.

"Still stealing our children." I say disgusted.

"Well If Gale Hawthorne wins, maybe he can stop it." Peeta says.

"Wins what?" I ask.

"Big war hero, he's running for congress." Peeta blurts out though Haymitch is obviously waving him silent.

They both sit waiting for my reaction. "He would be good at it. I am glad he's happy. If you see him, tell him I …." Try to think of something to say. I couldn't send him my love or tell him I am doing fine. The dead don't get to say much. "Just say I am proud of him and I know it wasn't his fault."

I feel the rush of the confusion beginning. I lock onto Haymitch's eyes and I see the tears as he's realizing that I am about to fade away. I reach out and clasp his hand battling for control. Then the distance falls upon me and I don't say anymore.

"And in a moment she is taken again. You must be careful what you say. I see so little of her." His face is pure anguish as he straightens up and packs our things.

I like it here. I walk back to the place of the skulls and hear the calls of sorrow and pain, but Haymitch won't let me work today. He gives the collectors the turkeys and lets them know they are from me, that I had had a good day and wanted them all remembered. They smile and wave at me and I look at them and nod one time.

I go to my house for a while. Peeta follows me. Haymitch does not come and I am mad at him again. He hates my house. We never stay here.

Peeta looks around my house and his blue eyes remind me of Snow's. "Quite a theme you have going on here Katniss. You may have that old drunk fooled, but I know your just acting like this, to scare everyone and hope some bit of attention might trickle your way." Peeta says knocking one of my nooses down from it's place on the wall.

"I know why you're here." I say meeting his eyes.

"I am here because I love you Katniss, I want to make you my bride." He says in a way that feels like war.

"No thank you Peeta Mutt."

"Dear Miss Everdeen. I said make. Not ask. Make is better." He whispers softly.

I walk away and he grabs me. And his lips are mashing hard to my face and he is holding me by my hair, hurting me and laughing. I glare at him wanting to spit on him. "Haymitch will kill you if you hurt me. He killed the three who broke in here. They had me on the floor and he killed them."

"Good for him. I sent them for you. A calling card to reap your fear. Mr. Abernathy loves the Peeta Frosting and he won't believe you over me. I will pretend it's a mistake, deny it or kill him. Know what else Katniss, I am going to make it hurt. I want you to scream in pain. I will break you until you're my slave, to humiliate any way I want. You will beg me to kill you and as I do, you will confess your love for us." He kisses me on each eye and sniffs me as he shudders slightly. "Coriolanus always knew you loved him. He knew that you couldn't kill him. This is why he let me live, so you could have us both. He made me just for you Katniss,with all his love. All the mutts in the tunnels were part of us. Finnick Odair was delicious. He screamed in the end. Finnick tried so hard not to, but he screamed. His pretty green eyes closed and he begged. I can let you hear it if it gives you joy? Don't you let the old drunk take what's mine sweetheart. I want to be your first and only or I will damage you in ways you can't imagine."

I was going to be sick. I was afraid to faint. I was afraid.

" If you are very good, I might let you live. I might let dear Abernathy have whatever's left of you. A last broken gift for him as well. It took so very much to break my Mr. Abernathy when he was young and beautiful. I loved him too." Peeta smirks.

I kick him as hard as I can and spin to my table and grab a glass bowl and crash it onto his head. I dash from my house screaming. I run to Haymitch and I am so hysterical I can't even tell him what's happened.

Haymitch runs from me to check on Peeta and finds him bleeding and sobbing that I tried to kill him after demanding to know what he wanted. He said that he wanted to marry me and I went crazy.

Haymitch is disgusted with me and I just stare at the floor. I did't have any wounds on me and Peeta had a huge bruise on his shin and a cut head. When they were done talking about me I stood up and bent over Peeta. "You ever come at me again and I will finish you off. Little bump on your head was a warning. Leave Peeta Mutt. I don't love you and I never will. I didn't kill you, but I can. I do see you Coriolanus. I believe you. Leave. Love me, hate me. leave. There is nothing left of me for you to hurt. Leave, or I will kill you and eat you, just like you did Finn."

"Katniss!" Haymitch said appalled.

I look at him and suck my breath in, lurching ragged as if the world is winding down in spurts and shivers. I started drinking right then. Katniss Everdeen is put in bed by a very disgusted friend and a very sly fiend.

When Haymitch came to bed, I try to take my place but he rolls over, away from me. "Haymitch. Pick me. Help me. Please Haymitch. Please. " I whisper with all my heart. He snores.

I lay in the dark next to Haymitch watching the divide sweep him away from me, as if a boat was pulled away from my island, leaving me forever to be marooned. The evil Peeta wind would win. Haymitch could not see the storm.

Tears roll onto my pillow disappearing as I shiver and try to press myself to him. I needed Haymitch's warmth, knowing it was as all that could keep me here, once my work was finished. He did not wake. He had chosen.

I didn't know how long Peeta would play. He might kill me tomorrow. I had to convince Haymitch somehow or I had to finish my work fast. I had to do the thing they required of me. I had to finish before he took me.

He would make it hurt. I could do it with out the pain. I would have to work more to hurry up and finish. Beings Haymitch had picked his tribute. I had to accept it. My games are over. Peeta proved it to me, how just a simple lie, could win the game.

I didn't have to wait for Peeta to kill me. My gift to me would be to cheat him rather than beat him. I could not fight again. I made Haymitch mad. He was ready to be rid of me and I didn't hate him for picking Peeta. I promised not to fight.

I sigh and crawl off the bed. I open the door and step softly into the hall. My work is easier at night. The collectors left their wagon and the flags out at night. I could write the names and they could find them. I looked down at me and decided I needed more cloths. I put on a tee shirt and longer shorts over my pajamas. I didn't want to embarrass Haymitch.

The stars are brilliant, but the night isn't quiet. The night is full of the voices. At night I don't have to hunt, they can be seen. My audience turns to me and I nod. "It has begun. I will be with you soon and so we have to work faster. If you have a message for the living I will take it, but I know you hate me and always will. I deserve it. But I don't know how long it will be before he kills me, so I can't speak to you all this time. I am sorry."

I look up. Some faces smile, while others are filled with hatred. It doesn't matter now. I don't uncover them with the care I normally use. I have to work faster now. It seems endless and I am so sleepy. There are cuts all over me and once again I am filthy. But Peeta comes just before dawn and I hide from him until he goes to tell Haymitch there are flags everywhere, but he can't find me.

My filth makes a good camouflage and I cover myself in the ashes to make it harder for him to see me. When dawn comes it doesn't work as well. The collectors look at my sea of flags and it bothers them that I have made so much work for them in just one night. I don't stop. I can't see them now, but I can still hear them.

Haymitch frowns at me, livid and snarling. "Katniss." He never calls me that name in that way unless I am hurting him. I don't want to hear his hurt so I turn away just like he turned from me last night. He won't come to me unless I am hurt. I am hurt, but I am too dirty for him to notice it. I had cut myself on the burnt broken glass.

"Damned it where are your shoes. Come to me at once Katniss or I swear you will be chained this time." His voice has that deadly calm to it.

I don't look at him, but I comply. He marches me back to the house.

"You promised me Katniss…" He says. I can hardly keep up with him. My feet are full of glass.

In the shower he is rough and he washes my hair quickly and scrubs me hard, hurting me until I close my eyes and can't stand it any longer. I whimper as he scrubs the burnt skin. I don't react as he makes me sit while he picks the shards of glass out of my feet, hands and knees. He realized I have two deep wounds and then he sits and cries for a while. He doesn't make any noise but his shoulders shake as he sits in the bloody swirling water.

I watch him cry but I know he will cry more soon. He will cry when Peeta makes my tears real. He will cry if I do it for him and don't let Peeta carry out Snow's special game. I stand up and hand him his razor. He knocks it out of my hand and shoves me out of the shower. I stand there, head down and sick. I watch as the tears of Haymitch are reflected by that girl who has to leave him so soon. She does not peek at him as he washes her blood off. She has no hope of anything but ugly. She waits for him to realize the bread baking in the kitchen smells like roses.

My cloths are clean and food sits on my plate. Haymitch holds a spoon of something to my face and I look at him and turn my head from his angry eyes. He pulls my face firmly back toward him and I open my mouth to take the bite. I gag but try to chew it. I gag again knowing who fixed it.

The voice sounds like how that boy who loved me once did. His words are gentle, but I know he is just trying to fool Haymitch. "I can't understand how she thinks that Haymitch. If I wanted to kill her, I wouldn't have saved her after she killed Coin. I shouldn't have told her that the first time we were alone. She asked me why I came back. I told her it was because I loved her. I told her I wanted to marry her someday when she was well. I told her I would never push her to say yes, but I just thought if she knew. If she could understand. I don't care that she doesn't look the same anymore. I don't either. But I can't marry her like this. It wouldn't be right."

Haymitch nods. "What was she like just before she attacked you?"

Peeta shrugs. "She seemed like in the meadow until I answered her. Then she seemed not to even be there, just like this. The next thing I knew she was running at me and then you came. I am sorry, I just didn't expect it."

"Well I didn't expect it when she did it to me either. Maybe it would be better if you leave. You seem to be making her go back, instead of helping Peeta. I don't know what to say." He looks at my eyes and wipes my mouth with a napkin. "Swallow Katniss."

I gag, but swallow it. He nods and lets me have a cup with spirits in it. I guzzle the drink shaking. He hands me two Morphling pills and I hold them. I plead with my eyes for him to see me.

"I don't want to leave Haymitch. You need help. I love her too. I just want to help." Peeta's face crumples as he fights the tears he is faking.

"I know you do. But I have not had to feed her like this for months. If you really love her, go away for a while. Let us start over. I will remind her of who you are. I will convince her Peeta. If there is no improvement, I will call you right back. Please. At least let me eliminate your presence as a possibility of her lost ground." Haymitch is so exhausted.

I am careful not to respond. Please let him leave. Peeta sighs. "If you say so Haymitch. I will go for a while. But I will be back. I want her well too."

"It doesn't mean for long. I think it may just be the shock of your arrival. If I can just get her back to where she was, then make your return something to look forward to, like a reward. Then we can see. Peeta she's deadly fast in that mode. I think we were just lucky you got away with a bump. I can't watch her and have to protect you.." Haymitch takes the pills out of my hand and taps my lips with his finger. He puts the pills on my tongue as I open my mouth then hands me more spirits to wash the pills down.

I hold the glass out to him. He sees me trembling. He takes the glass and fills it half way up. I drink it in four swallows. I hold it out for more. "In a while. Not too fast with your pills."

I hold the glass out to him again, insisting.

He takes the glass from me and sets it on the table. "No."

He stands up and hugs Peeta. "Thank you Peeta. I am so sorry I don't have better news. I can't explain why she is gaining ground here with me, but we will get it figured out."

Peeta winks at me. " I will be back as soon as you call Haymitch. Take care of her. I love her so much and would do anything…."

"I know you would." They broke apart. Peeta wore more tears like shiny capital beads.

"There is a train out tomorrow. I think I will go back to Annie's." He says as if the weight of the world were on his shoulder.

He sees Peeta to the door and I can almost breath when he finally returns. He eases himself into his chair, exhausted and hopeless. He takes my hand. He looks in my eyes and whispers more to himself. "There sweetheart, are you happy now? I sent him away for you."

I throw my arms around him and bury my face in his neck. "I love you Haymitch."