Playing possum

Chapter6

I am in bed but there is a delicious sensation that rouses me. I hold very still as I feel the lips return to my chest. His touch is so gentle I am astonished. His hands move over me and he whispers. "I wish you could be mine sweetheart." His hand moves from my stomach up to my breast then traces my neck returning downward. He moves his lips on my shoulders and my neck, cupping my small breast like it is as delicate as down fluff.

I hold very still waiting to see what he will do next. There is a hard lump, pressed into my hip. As he reaches across me it presses harder and it is obvious what the source of the uncomfortable bulge at my side is. He drinks and then reaches across me again to set the bottle down. The firmer contact with the part he considered not viewable for me, made my heart beat fast. I have secretly seen him in the shower, but never in this sort of condition.

Haymitch is looking at me and stops his movements. I breathe deeply and wiggle closer to him, making firm accidental contact with the bulge. A sigh escapes him. I wiggle around as if I am not quite happy until I am leaning heavily against his secret. My signals are on overdrive, exploring and touching him without using any fingers or eyes. I move just a tiny bit to better feel it with nerves not normally used to convey this sort of information.

"Katniss" he whispers.

I don't respond.

"Are you awake, Sweetheart?" he says louder.

I breathe deep and slow.

I wait for him to begin again. I hear him suck in his breath and let it out slowly. "I am sorry, my love. I don't know what I think I am doing. Forgive me." He kisses my breast once again and seems to take a moment, then I feel him carefully buttoning my top back and moving himself away. He rolls on his back and sighs. I lay still, waiting. I feel the bed shake as he sobs. I slit my eyes open and see he has his arm slung over his eyes.

I look down at the bulge in his pajamas and can clearly see the outline of his desire. I want to touch it, see it. But I know he won't let me. I pretend to be restless, as if I search for him. I snuggle up to him and drape myself on him, while accidentally putting my hand to rest on my most interesting new discovery.

His sobs stop instantly and his breath sucks in noisily. "Katniss?" He whispers with what sounds like horror. I sigh deeply as if I am having a pleasant dream. "Oh God Katniss." He whispers.

Very gently he lifts my hand and places it elsewhere. I kick my leg and move it right back. He curses. He lifts his head and seems to examine the situation and curses again. I move my hand and a shiver runs through him. He lifts my hand and holds it so it will not return to the position I prefer. There are more soft curses. I throw my leg over him, to the same effect. Now the bulge digs into my inner thigh. I like this game.

He lets go of my hand, moves my leg and I instantly return my hand. At this point I am having a hard time keeping my face completely placid. "Katniss. Katniss you need to let go of me."

I squeeze slightly and grin. I open my eyes and he is so unnerved he scoots over and falls from the bed. I peek over the side at him and grin. "Why do I have to stop touching you? You touched me?"

His face can't decide to be pale or blush. "I am sorry. Katniss, I have disgraced myself. I am without any excuse."

I smile. "What all have you done to me while I sleep Haymitch?"

"Oh Sweetheart, entirely too much." He shakes his head in pain. Pinching the bridge of his nose he leans forward his head and his face crumples into sorrow again.

I unbutton my pajamas again and open them. "Show me. Show me what you did Haymitch."

"That is not going to happen." He says.

"If it already has, what difference does it make? Am I not allowed to enjoy it? I think you enjoyed it."

A realization dawns on him. He leaps up and stares at me intensely. "Katniss? Is it you sweetheart?"

I smile "If you don't show me, I am going away again. I thought I was in heaven, but why stick around if I don't get to like it." I shrug as if I will do whatever he thinks will be best. Then I look down at him meaningfully. "I want to see you." I meet his eyes knowing I have gone to far. I teeter on escape, waiting to see what he will say.

"Katniss? I don't think that is…"

I frown. "You look at me all the time Haymitch. I don't even know what you look like."

He seems frozen. I shrug and roll over. "Bye Hay." I say softly.

"Katniss. Please. no." He moves onto the bed.

I roll over and look at him. "I am eighteen Haymitch. I am old enough to decide. I want someone who will be, nice to me. I want someone to love me. I want it to be you. You said you wish. I wish too."

"Katniss, I promised Peeta…."

I burst out laughing, sitting up to confront him in my horror of what he's just said.. "You promised Snow's Mutt that he could make my first time hurt? He said if I was good, he might let you keep what's left of me. He said Coriolanus loved you too and He would maybe let you have me, as a last broken gift. He's going to kill me Haymitch. That will be all I know of it. It means you promised me, that I have to die that way? He knew you would believe him. He said he made Peeta as a gift so I could have them both. He said, he ate Finnick and would let me listen to his final screams. All the Mutts were part of Snow and Peeta is part of him too. Want me to stick around for that? He wants to make me his bride, not his wife. Make me, is the main thing. Make me scream. Make me beg to die. You promised that for me, but you won't touch me, unless I am not in here? Do you think you will want me when he's finished? Dead or alive, I will be gone when he's finished. Have fun with that. "The confusion fills me and I roll over and stare at the wall.

I feel him turn me. I fight the confusion but the image of beautiful Finnick dieing alone in the dark, screaming, to let me kill Snow, and my failure to do it, pull me away.

"Katniss, Don't leave me. Katniss. Don't let it win. Sweetheart, please stay with me."

I try to fight but the other one says she will stay here for me. She will keep me safe. She will fight the Peeta mutt. I let her rise. The Haymitch voice gets softer and softer.

I feel him lift me and then he is devouring me and pushing her away with his kiss and I fight so the awareness will not go away. I scream inside and surface to breath Haymitch. I pull him to me and push his hand to the places he'd touched before. My breast rises with goosebumps as he wraps his hand around it and his head bends there and the chilled flesh in his hot mouth makes me whimper.

I hold his head there demanding he continue. "Please Haymitch, show me that I am worth more than pain. Is there more than pain? Is there ever something nice? Is everything blood and death and loss and pain for me? Can't I have just a little happy? Can't I pick just one thing for me, before I have to live my fate?"

He pulls back and he looks at me. His breath is deep and he closes his eyes as he blows out his breath. "Yes. Katniss. Yes, I will give you some thing nice. But I need to slow down. I don't want it to go by in a blink. Only if you stay awake. If you slip I will stop. No matter what, it isn't right, if you don't really understand. I love you, sweetheart. But, I won't go any farther than you want. You can stop me at any time." He smiles at me and his eyes are brimming.

I process what he's saying and I lung deeper into his arms. "Thank you."

"Katniss, If you give yourself to me in this way, I will never be able to let you go. You will be stuck with me? Do you understand what I am saying? I won't let you have Peeta while I live. You are giving him up? I know what you said, but you thought I was evil when we first came here. You may not remember, but you wanted to kill me too. You thought I was trying to hurt you then."

I looked at him as seriously as I could. "I was mad at you for letting them get Peeta. But now I know. Haymitch, he never came back from the first games. Only some of him did. He fought it so hard, but think about how many months we lived next door to each other and he never…wanted to be near me. They took him away all that time ago.. They hurt him while we were in that recovery center. I know it. I couldn't explain it on the train. It wasn't Gale that made him stop loving me. My Peeta died. It was my real punishment. The rest was just Snows version of a seduction. I could have saved them all if I had just understood that."

Haymitch nodded. "But he was there too. He did love you. He would have saved you above himself."

"Because Snow wanted him to die and protect me. I would have had to kill Peeta and Finn. All of them. The girl on fire who won the games twice. If you had not made the rebellion, I would have won Haymitch. Think how popular Snow would have been if he had won me? If he seemed to mend the shattered heart of the Mockingjay? If he controlled me, married me, and If I had just let it happen, they would all be alive. All the ones I have to find would have been my reward. He might have even let the Peeta mutt survive just to please me." I keep my eyes on him so he can see I know exactly what I am saying.

His eyes seem to go distant for a little bit. "He let you go into the games, without touching you. He said he had. I never understood it. I feared for you."

"Snow would not have allowed my purity to be tarnished. He ordered it I think. Even the big lie maybe? The other tributes would not want to hurt a pregnant girl as bad. I think I would have awakened, really pregnant. He could make me have his genetic child and everyone would love him for taking in poor selfless Peeta's unborn." I tell him carefully.

"Katniss when did you know all of this?"

"The district 12 dead, are not the only ones I see Hay. I see Prim and Rue too. I see Finnick and, and….my father sometimes. He told me about you, before you were a tribute. Peeta is Snow too Hay. You didn't notice the way he called me Miss Everdeen. He's dead but in Peeta. He's been there since before. The mutts are him too. They made a lot of them out of him. When I didn't kill him, he laughed. He thought I was saving him. He thought it meant I had …liked him. He always said we were alike. Me and him, not you and me." I look at Haymitch and shake my head.

Haymitch rubs the stubble on his chin. He does not really believe me.

"He's using everything you told him about me to prove to you, he should be taking care of me. He even said he would leave. He knew about the ones who you killed." I admit.

"That's impossible." Haymitch's eyes flash fear.

"Not if he sent them. You told him, I tried to kill you, but Haymitch. I never ran from you when I did it. I ran away from him. He had me by the hair and was kissing me and doing other things in a way that wasn't nice. I almost left forever last night. When you wouldn't hold me, nothing mattered. I knew before you let him have me, I had to finish my work. I wandered."

He looks down uncomfortably. "You didn't wander last night Katniss."

I watch him carefully. "How long have I been gone?"

His mouth tightened. He swallowed. "Peeta has been gone over a month Katniss. He was very upset when he saw you this way."

"It's never been that long."

"No. You have not spoken since you said... For sending him away." He looks guilty.

"I didn't want to know if you let him kill me. He will be back to take what he thinks belongs to him.. But I want, just one thing in my whole life to be my choice. I want you." I can't look at him. I am too ashamed that I am so broken; I have to beg someone to be with me.

He sighs. He stands up and takes off his undershirt then his hands slip in the waste band of his shorts and they slip to the floor.

I look at him naked, with him knowing that I look, for the first time. He smiles and laughs. "You look disappointed, sweetheart."

I blush. "It isn't like it was. It's like in the shower"

He looks down. "Fickle things. They don't stick around when they don't get what they want. And the image of you being harmed, true or not, created a little southern fade."

I lift my shirt and remove my shorts. I debate on the underwear. I leave it on for now. "Show me what you have been up to while I sleep. Was that the first time?"

His eyes look away and he shakes his head.

"How far?"

He lays down next to me and meets my eyes. "I have found bliss near you, fearing you would catch me. I have looked at you and dreamed of you, as I did the private thing, men who have no love must do. I have no privacy Katniss, so I have taken chances when I knew you would probably not find it mattered. I have not touched you in any way that would be more than what you awoke to. This night, I went too far. I have looked, and I have dreamed. I have wanted, but I have not hoped."

"Why tonight?"

"Because you were lost to me again, so deeply, I have mourned you like death. I have sung to you, kissed you, and washed your hair. I have done all the things that ever brought you back to me, but you were gone. Yet you were beside me and you breathed. I kept telling myself I would only look, but then, I just once, wanted to know your skin on my lips. Then as you moved to me with what I thought to be such innocent trust, I was shamed beyond reason." He says sadly.

"That's why you cried?"

He nods. "Are you angry?"

I shake my head no. "I am sad, that all those nights. I would have watched, so I would know what to do now."

I lay my hand on his stomach. "If I touch it, will it stir again?"

"Greatly." He says with his classic Haymitch smirk.

My hand roams lower and I question him with my eyes. He nods that it is ok. I use two fingers and very gently stroke him as if he is a pet. He sighs and I have an overwhelming desire to kiss him there and I bend my head to him and inhale his scent as my lips touch skin that feels exactly like petals, soft and delicate on my lips. The reaction only takes two heartbeats and he is stirred again.

He moans quietly, saying my name like a prayer and I am encouraged. I lift him to my lips again. This time I repeat what I awoke to him doing to my breast. I lick him and take his twitching flesh into my mouth, lost in how amazing he feels and tastes. There is more, and I cup the round hair covered division, surprised to feel the way they move. I linger here until he gently pulls me away and kisses me. I continue to touch him and explore him.

"Stop. You are getting me too aroused to think." He says.

I look at him disappointed. I don't know how to say what I want. "I want to see you, when that private thing happens."

He smiles. He closes his eyes for a moment then takes a deep breath. His eyes open full of mischief. "Ladies first my sweetestheart."

He lays me back and his hands follow a string of places that make me shiver. He kisses me and licks me until I can't think of anything that I want more, than to please him and allow him to touch me, however he wishes.

He runs his hands up and down my thighs, not put off by my melted flesh, but kissing it as if it were beautiful, like I once was. I watch him, as he seems to avoid the place I want him to touch the most. When his hand barely bumps me where my underwear have grown damp, I shudder and arch for him to do it again.

His hand slowly slides into my panties and he rests his finger against that place and I groan in near pain because his finger moves so slowly. I am becoming desperate for more pressure and quicker rhythm. He takes my underwear off and slides them down over my hips. I arch my lower half six inches off the bed, to give him ease.

He moves me around and spreads my legs. He smiles at me as he leans down between my legs and his fingers move from the place that screamed for more, to the opening I wanted him to fill so much. His touch is so slight, that it only teases me more. He circles me with his fingers then to my delight he blows on the area. His hot mouth opens and his tongue begins to move in ways that make me feel like my bow must when I knock an arrow to the string. Each stroke sends shivers all over me and I can't seem to stop making ridiculously pathetic whimpers.

I have become lost in the sensations of him and when he inserts a finger into me and strokes me inside as well, my breath stops as something begins to make my stomach spasm. There is a moment, that I would be willing to die for need of something building, then my legs can no longer stay still. I am startled by what looks to me like a death shudder. I don't know what is happening, but I lose control of my muscles as my back arches and my muscles that wrap around his finger begin to pulse.

I release the breath that has hung in my body for too long and my face scrunches up as my toes curl. The bow is drawn, full of unused energy without a target. His rhythm increased as each stroke seems to shoot me with a need to fall. I balance in this strange zone between need and release. I don't know what to expect and I have no idea how to move on.

"It is all right Katniss. Don't be afraid. Let me give you joy. Don't' be embarrassed. Your beautiful and this is all I have ever wanted to give you. Let it happen. I need to see your ecstasy. Share your bliss with me Katniss. Show me I can make you happy. Cry for me Katniss." He inserts two fingers. The stretching feels so pleasurable and painful I sound like someone near fatality and impairment.

And when the private thing I had never felt, finally fell, I screamed his name in fear, trust and thankfulness. All my twitching parts began to fire in coiled rocking pleasure. I never saw Haymitch. My eyes tightly closed, unable to stop the embarrassing things I shout to him, but as he spoke sweetness and adoration, I could hear he was smiling.

I wondered if I could survive the event, but as I came down from my flight of Haymitch, worship of him filled me and I leaned up on my elbows to see his rather smug face. "Haymitch you jerk! You could have done that to me all this time, and you made me suffer?" I am still gulping for air but I feel alive and I almost feel well.

The smile widens, and in new habitat, reaches his gray eyes. "I haven't even started yet sweetheart." He purred in his snottiest Haymitch voice.

He lay on top of me kissing me and thanking me for making him so happy. "But I haven't made you happy yet."

All of his movements stop, he tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I have never seen his face devoid of sarcasm, sorrow, anger and bitterness. "If we stop this moment Katniss, I could die happy. I have just had the greatest pleasure I have ever known. You showed me, that I can give you delight. I dreamed of you for so long, but feared you would only find disgust in me. You just made me the happiest man in the world." He murmured his love to me and I was unable to comprehend how quickly his words brought me to desperate need of him again.

He rubbed his own engorged need upon my wet mound and I was near screaming again when he shifted himself to my entrance. "There will be some discomfort now. Please don't be afraid. I am in control and if it is too much for you I will stop at once." He kissed me and I wiggled beneath him, wanting him more than I could stand.

"Please Haymitch, hurry. I need you. I can't stand it." I frantically try to guide him into me and he still pauses, taunting my need with languid kisses on my neck and suckles in my ear. He bites my ear hard and I am letting out an involuntary squeal when he slams into me and I feel my girlhood pop into womanhood as I gasp in both pain and delicious joy. I had not expected him to thrust his whole length into me at one time. I expected slow, painful, prolonged torture as he slowly tore me apart bit by bit.. My eyes open wide at the sensation of his warmth filling me.

"I think you have done that before." I gasp. He had distracted me by biting my ear and the pain of his entry had almost been an afterthought.

"Perhaps a time or two. Let me know when you feel ready for me to move. I will try not to have a heart attack as you learn to accommodate me. The pleasure of you could kill a man Katniss." His breath is labored as he reaches down stroking my bowstring and I soon am moving against his hand. He's beginning to ease in and out of me. He's so gentle at first but I am near that flight again and I pull him into me begging him to break me if it will give me the paradise of his gift of bliss.

He is covered in sweat and his movement is beginning to have a shudder. He sobs as if in anguish, "please Katniss, I am lost. Take your pleasure."

Something about the pain of want on his face charges my need and the convulsions begin within me and I feel like I may squeeze the life out of him as I gasp his name. Unable to have hoped this could occur again, I am swept into the heat, at last, truly the girl on fire. I look up and he throws his head back. What began as a low moan, humming from his throat in a deep nasal pitch, becomes the sound of a siren as his mouth opens, eyes rolled in the back of his head and his body shaking as if he would come apart before my eyes. His reaction scares me at first and I flash the horror of him really having a heart attack. I feel his warm seed flow into me and I quake with delight and wonder as he collapses on me as if he's become an invalid. He trembles and grunts as I realize he's still in pleasure.

"Your beautiful Haymitch. You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." I say in his ear, nipping his lobe as I smile.

When he, at last, can prop himself onto his elbows, he says nothing but at least ten years have melted from his face. There is a light in his eyes I have never seen and he kisses me on the forehead. "Stay with me Katniss. Nothing before this moment matters, now that we have tomorrow."

I cry and smile. The voices are quiet and all I hear is his breathing as he cries too. The tears of the broken are eclipsed by the joyful tears of those on the road to life.

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Author notes- more like dribble….

Ok this is probably the last happy ending - lol – no pun unsung.

I wanted to write a hot – first encounter with out it being the body part name game -no throbbing manhood or C words -but sweet and loveable while somewhat off beat? Hehehe.

Katniss would – in my mind – not know more than whispered basics. I know that I had never seen a man part in desire and was fascinated – shocked – embarrassed and so dang curious. I wanted to convey that he was utterly beyond his ability to be perfectly innocent in his care of her – despite his noble effort. I hope it seemed more like he was a naughty boy who took responsibility for his lonely sad little steps over his self-imposed boundaries, and not like Chester the Molester. (alone, with her out to lunch, he could have done anything he felt like and who would have even questioned him – nobody cared about her and she was just too crazy to be believed - so all the boundaries of wearing swim trunks and 'your little areas' were for her dignity, not due to his lack of adoration. )

So not my first lemony scene - but please let me know what you think -is it hot? To detailed? To long, to short, to body partless, to dull? I know it will be fun to read out loud to some of the slightly prudilicious class - hehehe.

Next assignment after (tragically flawed character development is – villain. Will have to transform Haymitch into the bad guy - using this story to experiment with that a bit -I know I love Peeta too but -for me Hay is the good guy – so had to practice.

I will be glad to get to pick a non-Hay story -4 to go then I am so doing some Crowley from Supernatural and other stuff. She said she would wear us out on our 'base' character, so pick one we liked - I would be screaming if I had picked Strider at this point –there are 4 lord of the ringers in the class now –lol. I am only HG. I am tired of the Harry Potter lady who motivates her Snape with cruelty in every scene too – phhhh – movie does interfere with my concept of Snape – hehe Alan Rickman made Snape a hottie…lol.

Anyway let me know what you think -I really appreciate reviews.

Yes because of this scene and the end -I have to bump the content rating up to M -sorry.

I do appreciate constructive critique – especially from any of you Grammar Gods out there - I live with teens and tend to pick up the third person progressive and passive voice errors -among other poor writing habits - you won't offend me! Red ink is love!