Sirius,
Stop doing that. Stupid hints about secrets drive me crazy, and the only way I could possibly get through this summer alive (and YES, I AM BEING COMPLETELY LITERAL HERE) is to have all my wits about me.
Oh, and the easiest way to get past this is with Polyjuice Potion. Goyle figured that one out, in the first week.
Severus
Sev,
Really? Someone as thick skulled as Goyle could figure that out, while Jamesie can't? It's either a miracle, or it's the fact that SLYTHERINS ARE EVIL AND DON'T MIND DOING STUPID THINGS!
Most sincerely on a caffeine high,
Sirius
Sirius,
Wow, YOU on a COFFEE HIGH?
I am, completely, irrevocably, terribly, most definitely, GLAD that I am not there.
Also, I cannot believe you are still on the subject.
I hope Potter whacks some sense into you.
Severus
Sev,
I did not say I was on a coffee high. I said CAFFEINE. The rest of the boys decided it would be fun to spend a week acting entirely like Muggles, and we are all a bit crazy, especially after we learned about soda pop.
Who knew eight ounces could cause such damage?
Sirius
Sirius,
I will refrain from asking. You probably managed to kill 75% of all your brain cells five weeks before school starts. You may have wanted to ask a Muggleborn to help you out on the world.
Severus
Sev,
Hmm, you're probably right. Maybe we should have asked Lily if she could babysit us…but nah, that would have been no fun. Some things you just have to experience on your own.
By the way, don't you live near Lily? Do you guys hang out a lot? You've got two months completely without James to screw things up for you.
Sirius
Sir,
I think you are mistaken. Yon Potter never lets his ladylove stay for more than three days without his companionship. After all, Madame Lily might get the impression there is a better companion in her neighbor than the Gryffindor who fancies her.
Severus
Severus,
That's not fair! You can't shorten my name to something like 'Sir'! It would ruin my reputation! People might think I decided to be Sirius about things!
Sirius
Sirius,
What people? These are private letters; no one is going to read them. And if you are writing to me with a three-letter name, it is completely legal to do the same. Turnabout is fair play.
Severus
Sev,
Fine, if that's the way your gonna play, then so be it.
I've noticed something. During school, you and I wrote in the time period of no more than eight hours. Now, it is taking you days to write back. Isn't summer supposed to be when you have more time on your hands? What's going on here?
Rus
So it's going to be Rus instead of Sir?
There are three reasons that it's been taking me longer to write to you:
The letters don't pester me.
I rarely have time to write, there are…things going on, and I have a job.
If I am caught with anything even pertaining to magic…well, things get nasty pretty quickly.
Don't blame me for it, blame my father.
Severus
Sev,
And you yell at me for stupid hints that drive people crazy? Do your parents have Petunia-Syndrome or something? Are they abusive? Something is definitely wrong, and no one can help you if you don't let them. Trust me, I will write Lily with my concerns.
Rus
Rus,
Are you really psychic, or just playing guessing games?
What the hell is Petunia-Syndrome?
Feel free to write to Lily, if you can even get the words down. Whether she writes anything back or not, I can't guarantee.
Don't bother trying to help. I am refusing it now. You will be a lot happier that way, and so will I, and trust me, I am trying to help you, right now. Go live in your own corner of life, and stay out of hell, whether it is your own or someone else's.
Severus
Sev,
I wrote to Lily. She said something to the effect of: "Severus's life is his own, and either way, I am pretty sure that you are someone that he would not like to spill all of his deep secrets to."
Petunia-Syndrome is based on Lily's Muggle sister. Whenever she writes letters to Lily, it is always about what a freak that she and her friends are. So Petunia-Syndrome is when Muggles can't stand the knowledge that there are wizards who can do awesomer stuff than they can, so they think that all of us are freakazoids.
Rus
Rus,
It figures. On a lighter note, school is two weeks away. Have you gotten all of your things for this year?
Severus
Sev,
Let's see…
"Werewolves, Anamangi, and Other Such Transformations" by Selena Malfoy
"The Book of the Invisible, Disappearing, and Seen by Only a Few" by Richard Nott
Fireworks
"The Journal of Nuisance Spells Cast Most Honorably by True Pranksters" by Alexander Bones
Various pranking materials
Yes, I think that I have everything I need this year.
Never a Dull Moment,
Sirius
One more chapter? Two? I'm not quite sure yet.
Sad, it is almost over. Temporary friendship, then permanent enemies. If only there could be another way.
Wow, that sounded overdramatic.