Chapter 7

Stercus accidit

The tray is placed gently in my lap. I look down at the offering and smile: burnt to char toast, runny half cooked egg, hard bacon, oats the consistency of vomit, and a stemmed glass of rippers white spirit with a separate cup of orange juice.

"Haymitch, you cooked for me?" I delightedly pick up the toast and close my eyes with relish. I could only eat bread if it was fixed like this. I dumped the oats on top of the egg, crumbled the bacon, poured a few drops of spirit on top and mashed it all together with my fork. I plop the goop onto the char bread and stuff my mouth with a huge bite, making appreciative noises.

Haymitch stands in the doorway grinning. Nobody would recognize him now. His face has laugh lines and his eyes sparked in merriment all the time. "Happy anniversary Sweetheart."

"A whole month?" I say in wonder.

"No spells for a whole month. We should celebrate." He says. His arms are crossed against his bared, except for a silly apron, chest. He wore long dark blue boxers that hung to his knees.

My eyes wandered from his face downward and back up to his eyes. "I need my medicine."

His eyes crinkle and he licks his lips, shaking his head at me. "For an innocent little girl, you have become most demanding Katniss. What would you do if I was not in the mood?"

"Take you to a real doctor. You would have to be at deaths door."

He laughs and takes off his apron. "What would you like to do after?" He grabs a bit of bacon from my plate and crunches it noisily.

"We could check on the memorial?" I say. I am happy to look at it every day; it means my job is done. I can still see the dead sometimes, but they don't overwhelm me anymore.

"I was thinking of something a little more exciting Katniss. I was thinking we should make our trip in to the capital. You know they want to see their mockingjay. You could see Annie. She has agreed to meet us there if you will agree." He says bursting with delight at his surprise.

"And the Baby?" I say eyes wide.

He teases me for a second shrugging as if he didn't know for sure. He takes pity on me and nods. "Mason Finn is making his debut. There is to be a ceremony in his father's memory. It would mean a lot to her if you could come. If we could. Johanna will be there, but I think she could use as many friends as possible. It would do her good to see that you have come back to life."

"What if Peeta shows up. I don't know. To many people." I say eyes fearful.

"Katniss, He has not surfaced. I think we need to accept that he has found some life for himself elsewhere. It has been eight months darling. I will never let him near you again. Not after what he did to Annie. We can't seal off from the world. If he wanted to harm you, he would have returned here." He takes a seat next to me as I finish up my breakfast.

He waits as I consider. He absently rubs my feet. I want to see the baby bad enough to try. "I think I can do it."

"Everyone knows. Everyone will not expect more than you can give." He lifts my tray and kisses me. I lean back on the bed, and feel his welcome weight ease on top of me.

"If he sees me on television, awake. He will come back." I say this with fear destroying Haymitch's good mood. "So long as he thinks I am just a shell, we have been safe."

His expression grows grim and now his eyes are fire, not light. "His only path to you is through me. It's a dead end for him, sweetheart."

I nod. "Sorry. I didn't mean to spoil the atmosphere."

He pulls me up. "Shower?"

The train is unnerving to me. It triggers so many memories. I stand at the window, watching the world go by, thinking to the past and wondering if my terror could be more now then it once was. Once, there was a boy who would die to protect me. Now a man stood in his place, who would kill to protect me, from the boy. I dwelled on the reminiscence of the boy on the roof, who said he didn't want to let them change him. I should have let him die in the stream. I should have shot him in the heart when they changed the rules. I should have swallowed the berries.

Haymitch seems to see my disposition and places his hands on my shoulders. "I remember the first time we rode this train. I was so lost, that I could no longer function. I was determined this would be my last year. I was going to watch the two of you die and make such a display they would have to address my infractions. Then your eyes and anger pierced my fog."

"You should have told us Haymitch. You should have told us not to win. The only winners are the ones who die at the cornucopia. From then on, the punishment increased. The last one standing was the one they tortured the longest." I say softly.

"Death was no solace either. They made things out of the dead." Haymitch said.

"I was the winner, wasn't I Haymitch?"

"Yes. His heart failed. But they were losing you as well. The impact of you throwing yourself against the glass, when your head was already…the capital was in chaos. They told me that you were failing and that they had retrieved him. I didn't put it together Katniss. I swear to you, I believed in the miraculous hope that the two of you were going to be a new era of victors. They could not get away with the things they demanded of the rest of us. You were both too loved. I dreamed of you and he having a life together. If I could only make that true, it meant everything I had survived was worth it. I am sorry for being so foolish, but I can't be sorry that you are here. I didn't save you. You have saved me." His words were calm and steady. I saw the sparkle of his tears reflected in the glass.

"The people won't like me now. They will be mad he and I are not living the fairytale. They won't understand. They will turn on you. Nothing they do, can sway me from you Haymitch." I turn in his arms, determined he understand.

"Perhaps if we could make a small announcement. Give them something to make them understand that they must accept. Marry me Katniss." He reaches in his pocket and there is a small box in his hand. It is old and tattered, almost shabby. The color is faded and the velvet is worn to pale fabric in places.

I open the box and find an old ring of modest design. A tiny sapphire is set into the eye of a gold bird. I look at him in wonder. "A mockingjay?"

"It belonged to my mother. I found it and hoped you might see it as a sign. I wasn't just a victor Katniss, I was the child of one. He gave that to her before he was reaped." He smiles. "His death protected her, but it didn't change my fate. Only you could. Please, give me the honor of calling you Mrs. Abernathy?"

I can see his emotions swelling his face with fear and expectation. I look again at the tiny ring. I remove it from the box and silently slip it on my finger. Unable to speak, I let this action be my answer.

He understood and I had not realized he was holding his breath until it burst from him, full of relief and he pulls me to him, sobbing his thanks. I hold him, clinging to him, knowing I was doing something that petrified me more than any action I had ever taken in my life. I was giving in to the pure terror of hope.

By the time we go through the tunnels to reach the capital, I have settled myself with the idea of changing my last name. I watch him as he interacts with other passengers and it is like seeing a glimpse of a new person. He tells jokes and people no longer laugh at him. Haymitch glows with humor, and it infects those around him.

The station is packed with people milling around and it is beginning to make me feel off, until I see the sweet face of Annie. She blinks at us then runs, little curly head bouncing in her arms. Mason Finn is as beautiful as his father. Annie cries as she sees the ring on my finger and congratulates us without asking a single question. Johanna is grinning and she slaps Haymitch on the back in a friendly way.

"You all knew?" I say amazed.

Annie bursts out laughing and nods. Johanna looks up at Haymitch and shrugs. "Thought he never was going to get a set and ask you."

"Haymitch Abernathy, you old dog. It's about time you showed up!" Plutarch Heavensbee is standing behind us looking at me with a sheepish grin.

I smile at him. "How are you, Plutarch."

"Wow, you look great. I was not betting on you the last time I laid eyes on you. Felt like a heel sending you off to hell with this disreputable devil." He gave me a big gushy hug as if we had always been good friends.

"I think you should have felt sorry for him." I say honestly, but everyone thinks I have made a joke.

"Where is Trinket? She was on her way here an hour ago." He asks annoyed.

"No idea, but lets head to our hotel and let her catch up. Katniss is tired and I am starving." Haymitch guides me through the crowd. I am thankful when finally Haymitch and I are settled into our rooms. I stare out the window at the bustling capital, knowing somewhere Gale must be among the important movers and shakers of this city. He had hit the floor running after the rebellion, never looking back to our woods. Never needing the strength they had once given us. He had always been too large and determined to be stuck in a hole, but he had scraped district twelve off his heart as easily as he'd turned from me. I called Tigris and ask her for an appointment. She arrived at my room within an hour.

"I thought you had forgotten me. They all have you know." She said entering my room looking more horrendous than ever.

"I have been sick." I say softly, hugging her.

"Yes. They said you had gone mad and could only speak to the dead. Did you see him? Did you see my Cinna?" She asks this question as if she has no doubt of my answer.

"I do. He comes to me frequently. He suggested I call you. He said you taught him everything he knew. I didn't realize before." I drop my eyes.

She smiled. "My grandson was not willing to ride my coat tails. He was rebellious even as a child. He scoffed at my extremes, but in his own way he followed my own tactics by the very way he refused to follow fashion. His adherence to that unadorned face, the rejection of all normal procedure, produced the same effect as my own. He stood out and he blazed in his masterpieces." She said with pride.

"I owe him everything. He set the world on fire. I owe you too." I can't fight back my tears. I can see from her clothing, she is not fairing well in this new land.

"Your words are payment enough. What may I do for you Mockingjay." She says gruffly.

"I need a new stylist. Will you consider the position?"

"I have no team child. His crew returned, to found their own salons. You would be smarter to seek one of them. I hear they are doing quite well in his shadow." She says this carefully, but I can hear the bitterness that she tries to keep hidden.

"He did not ask me to contact them. He knew, only you could find in me, what he did. I am pleased for the chance to remind them. Hire who you wish. The stylist of the mockingjay would return you to fashion. Especially beings I am to be married soon." I smile.

She purses her lips and her eyes are hard. "You will marry the mentor?"

I nod. I hold out my ring for her inspection. She smiles. "I was this ones stylist you know."

"Haymitch?" I asked confused, remembering the horrid costumes.

"God no. His father. His real father. He won by not winning. He laughed as he died. It was a terrible scandal. There was an alliance. The four of them drew straws. He and two of the girls, hung themselves. The one who got the short straw was the one who they had to call victor. That was when they banned your song. The one about the tree." She speaks softly.

"wow. That is just so…." I am interrupted by a knock on the door.

Haymitch comes out of the bedroom, opens the door without thinking and Effie jumps into his arms, kissing him with such enthusiasm I am a little embarrassed. "Haymitch, you look fantastic, what have you been up to? Have you had some work done?"

I smile as Haymitch tries to gently disentangle himself from her. Effie finally realizes I am here and her face falls, but recovers quickly in typical Effie style. "My goodness. This is a big, big, big surprise!" She flicks her eyes to Tigress, stiffens slightly and steps into the room. "How good to see you. Tigress, it has been too long."

I hold out my arms to her and she and I smile and kiss air, like old fashioned capital dolls did before that world changed. I laugh at the gesture. "You have gone purple?"

"Well, pink is too flashy, this is more mature and subtle." She says with conviction.

"I will let you all catch up. I will be here early in the morning Katniss. It was lovely to see you Effie…..Haymitch." She gracefully bows to Haymitch and skitters out the door.

"What was she doing here." Effie asked in a disapproving tone.

"I have asked her to be my new stylist." I say not missing the look of horror she shoots Haymitch.

"Oh honey…" She scrunches up her face as she tries to think of the right way to discourage my trust of the elderly woman. "She is really not capable any longer. You should speak to Flavious."

"Tigress is a special friend of Katniss, Effie." Haymitch says mildly.

"How can you be mean to Cinna'a grandmother Effie?" I ask innocently.

"What on earth are you talking about. Did that old cat tell you that?" Effie has her hands on her hips as if she is going to yell.

"Cinna told me. He asked me to call her." I say looking her in the eye.

Her face goes perfectly blank. She plasters her fake smile to her lips and eyes wide, turns back to Haymitch. "Of course he did dear. Oh Haymitch, I had heard. I just didn't realize. I thought she was beginning to…."

"I am just fine Effie. I just have some left over things that….He says mulberry would have been better. You should tone the Plum Passion down with nutmeg and ginger clothing. Your still to old capital and he wants you to let Tigress do your real hair for my wedding. No wig, he insists." I repeat the whisper in my ear.

Effie's face looks like she has swallowed a bug. "wedding?" she looks at me with no idea what I could be talking about.

"Effie, I feel the need for a stroll in the park, would you mind accompanying me? Katniss, take a bubble bath and relax, I will be back in a bit, we are meeting Annie for dinner in a couple of hours." Haymitch asks sweetly.

She glances at me, a shadow on her face. "I suppose."

I stand at the window, watching them stroll arm in arm. I feel like I am intruding, but my curiosity is too strong, to look away. I see her anger and I realize, there was more between her and Haymitch then she ever meant for anyone to know. I feel guilty for not understanding that her constant dislike for him, was similar to my own.

They seat themselves on a bench and she cries. He comforts her. I wish I knew what he was saying, but I can tell he is not making her day with his words. She stands up and slaps him and leaves in a huff. I see him lean forward, elbows on knees. He sits there watching the swans glide across the pond. I can tell he is upset too, but don't know what to do about what I have seen.

"They were with each other a long time, Katniss. They are habit, not love. Her hurt feelings will pass quickly." Cinna stands beside me. I smile at him and he reaches out to me with his ghostly hand. "You are about to have a visitor. Be kind to him." He whispers and fades.

The soft knock startles me. I open the door and look into the eyes of a Congressman.