Very Important please read;

Thank you to all who reviewed. You wowed me! But seriously, if you don't like something about my story either give me constructive criticism or if you can't be nice enough then don't say anything, because right now my muse has hit rock bottom and I don't know how much longer I will update. This could be the last chapter for a while or indefinitely. I'm sorry for all those who read and review my story. It is not your fault. Please enjoy this chapter and if you feel like it give me a review. Maybe your words can change my mind.

Disclaimer: No its not mine

Ziva woke to feel an arm wrapped around her waist. Her breathing picked up as she began to panic. She turned in the bed quickly to see Joshua lying beside her. She sighed and gently pried his fingers off of her.

Two weeks. Two weeks had gone by without word from Tony. She understood his anger, hell, she was angry at herself, but his absence was affecting Adara. Two weeks had changed a lot of things Adara was now living with her... Fiancé in a town house just twenty minutes from work.

She heard from Abby that Tony too had his job back and that was as far as their conversation went. Abby started asking questions that Ziva didn't want to answer, so she politely told Abby goodbye and hung up. She ended up not being able to sleep that night, due to the thoughts that were running through her head. She was honestly worried about work. She didn't have the strength to fight Tony, and she knew him well enough to know that there would be many fights and disapproving was pulled out of her thought when Adara started crying.

She yawned loudly and stretched. Just as she pushed back the covers, she felt Joshua's hand around her waist as he came to sit behind her, pulling her back against his chest."Why don't I go and get her?" he whispered in her ear as he pressed kisses down her neck. She tried not to flinch away from him, but he had to know he was crossing a line. He felt her tense up and pulled away but didn't pull his arms back.

"Do you expect us to be the only married couple to not have sex, Ziva? You're going to have to give in at some point." He brought his hand to her cheek and again she pulled away. "See. You cannot keep doing that. We will be married in less than four months, so I expect this," he looked her up and down, "to stop."

Ziva bit her lip. When she and Josh were little, he had always been a sweet kid and, as time went on, he had developed a crush on Ziva, but Ziva always saw him as a brother. She heard rumors that he had changed, but never truly believed them until now.

"No, I will go and get her. She needs to be fed." Ziva didn't bother glancing back at Josh as she walked out of their room and into Adara's room."You have been home for two weeks, and yet you won't let me touch the kid. She is our daughter, Zi," she heard him say and looked down at the baby who was now staring at her contently with the green eyes she got from her father.

"She will never be yours, just as I will never be yours," she whispered as she picked up her daughter

/

She walked into work that following Monday morning with bags under her eyes. "Have a busy night with your lover?" Tony hissed from his desk without looking sighed, but she didn't answer right away. She knew this was going to be hard.

"No," she finally answered.

"Oh," he said in mock understanding, "are you saving it for the big night?"Ziva looked up at him, too tired to fight with him right now.

"Even if that was the case, it would be none of your business."Tony looked in her eyes and saw as she scrambled to hide her emotions. But he was always good at seeing through her hard-ass ninja-self. He walked around his desk and came to stand in front of her behind hers. He brought a hand up to her cheek. She leaned into his touch, not flinching away like she did when Josh touched her like this.

"You know, you can tell me," he whispered.

"He is mad because I have not..." her voice trailed off, not knowing if Tony was the right person to entrust this information with.

"Get your hands off of my fiancé!" she heard Josh yell and both quickly jumped away from the other.

"Sorry, man. She looked upset and I thought I could help," Tony took a step closer.

"Well, from now on, stay away from my family."Ziva turned and hurriedly walked out the bull pen before either could carry on their hit the emergency switch the second she got in the elevator and went to the corner. She buried her head in between her knees. This wasn't supposed to be the way things turned out. She felt like she was leaving a piece of herself behind when she was with Joshua. You were supposed to marry the person you loved, right? So why was she making all the wrong choices?

She felt like she was betraying Tony in all this. Well, she knew she was betraying Tony, but she also knew the consequences if she didn't go through with this. She closed her eyes and let the hot tears hit her cheeks, not caring anymore. She remembered the words Tony was about to say to her when they were in the hospital. She remembered the look of confusion and hurt as she told him she didn't love him and that she would be taking his daughter away from him. She took another breath trying to get her emotions under control.

"Ziver, I know you're in there," she heard Gibbs voice and decided to ignore him. "I can't help you until you let me in."

Ziva slid over so she could hit the button and, as the elevator came to a stop, she buried her head in between her knees once again.

She felt a hand on her back and she could sense the elevator going dark again. "You haven't made contact with any of us in the past couple of weeks and I need to know that you're okay."

Ziva looked at him, hoping he could not see the evidence of tears on her face. "I am fine, Gibbs," she lied.

He looked at her skeptically before giving her a light slap to the back of the head. "That was a nice try, but how 'bout we go with the truth this time?"

Ziva rested her chin on her knees as she spoke. "After I chose to stay in America, I found myself wanting the American life. You know, have two kids and a white house with a picket fence. But that life would not be a good life if it was not with someone I loved…"

"Well, you have Joshua," Gibbs pointed out.

"Yes, I have Joshua," she mumbled. Gibbs took a sip of his coffee and waited for her to carry on. "But, Gibbs?"

He looked at her and, for the first time in seven years, he saw a scared and confused girl instead of a kick-butt Mossad agent front that she usually put up. He put an arm around her shoulder and brought her to his chest.

"I do not want to marry him, but I have no choice. I could not stand up when it truly counted and now I am hurting more and more people. Adara is going to grow up in an environment I fought so hard to keep her out of. She is going to grow up to call the wrong man her father," she sobbed into Gibbs' chest.

"Sshh, it's okay." He kissed her cheek and ran a hand soothingly down her back, drawing circles, trying to calm her down.

/

Ziva ran a hand over her face as she walked out of the director's office. It was three in the morning and she hadn't found time to go home. She started down the stairs slowly, but soon her attention was on something else and she felt herself run into something. She smelt the familiar smell and jumped back.

Tony took a step down so he was on the step beneath her. "Hey," he said like it wasn't three in the morning and they weren't still at work.

"Hi," she said softly and for a moment she got lost in his eyes.

"So about earlier-" he started, but she stopped him.

Ziva shook her head. "Never should have happened. I understand."

"No that's not what I was going to say. I was gonna say you looked like you needed someone to talk to I didn't mean to get you in trouble," he apologized.

"No, it's fine. I understand you were just trying to help. He has a… temper problem," Ziva admitted and brought her hand up to his shoulder.

Tony seemed to understand. "If he ever hits you, I want to know." Ziva smiled at how protective he was over her and was just about to take a step down, when he grabbed her arm so she was pulled against his side. "I love you. I know you don't feel the same way, but I want you to know I'll be there on your wedding day and I'll come visit Adara in Israel. I want you to be happy."

He kissed her forehead, but noticed the tears that where now falling down her cheeks. He looked at her and then looked at the bull pen, making sure no one was watching. He wrapped his arms around her, as if trying to block the world from getting to her. She cried into his shoulder and he didn't ask questions.

"She will always be your daughter. You know that, right?" she whispered in his ear. "And Joshua will never be you. Not in my eyes or in your daughters. But I love Joshua and I am going to have a life with him."

She swallowed back her guile as she said the words. She didn't know if the empty feeling in her stomach was the feeling that came from letting Tony down, or from realization that she was actually starting to believe she loved Joshua. Either way, there was no getting around the truth.

She loved Tony. But why was she choosing to give all that up now?

She made her was down the steps but then turned back to Tony, "I'm being a bad mom. I know that's what you see and Tony promise me one thing."

Tony looked at her and could tell the battle she was fighting was not an easy one. "fight for custody. I have to leave Washington but fight to make Adara stay with you."

Tony stepped back down so he was facing her, "Ziva I don't have the money."

"I'll lone it to you."

"I can't take your money. But why do all this when you could just stay here am raise her with me." Tony questioned and as he looked at her he got his answer. There was more to this then meets the eye

I was told I would be coming home for four days during the next two weeks so if I decided to post it might be in between then. I am again sorry. It is not anyone's fault who reviewed nicely. Just the one who didn't. Thank you all