I walk into Dr. Sylvia Gearing's office once again. Our meetings have become very often recently. I didn't question it though. I was letting these people run my life because I honestly didn't want to anymore. I trusted these people. Sometimes I didn't even care if what they were doing was working. I was just glad to be away from it all. The pain, suffering, starvation and self-harm.

"Hello Demi, how are you today?" I was the same as always. Absent.

"Fine, thank you." She began to look ay me like there was something she had to get off her chest. Wasn't I the one in therapy? I started to get nervous. She could tell and quickly composed herself.

"Demi, I'm sure that you have noticed that our meetings have been more frequent lately." I nodded.

"Well, I came to a conclusion about a week ago and I needed to make sure I was completely correct before I told you. I've already talked to your parents and I used the information they told me about your character to help me further." I nodded again. I was seriously afraid now.

"Demi, you are bi-polar." My eyes widened. My heart began to pulse. It couldn't be true. No. I wasn't crazy. I just had an eating disorder. I wanted to fight back. I needed her to KNOW that I wasn't bi-polar. I wanted to prove to her that I was fine. It was just my eating habits. I just couldn't be.

Dr. Gearing noticed the pain on my face, so she began to explain further.

"The Bipolar disorder involves periods of elevated or irritable mood (mania), alternating with periods of depression. The "mood swings" between mania and depression can be very abrupt." I began to cry.

March 2010

I had been at Joe's house almost every day this week. I loved being with him, and as far as I could tell he loved being with me too. I was playing guitar on his bed, and he came behind me to guide my fingers on the guitar. He had done this many times, even when we weren't dating, but it always gave me butterflies. I slowly turned toward him, put down the guitar, and went in for a kiss. I noticed that he always liked to be teased before the actual making out began.

I got extremely close to his face. I was nearly inches from his mouth, than I pulled back and took off his glasses. He seemed annoyed, but he liked games. I then placed my hand on his thigh and went in to bite his lip. He just sat there. He usually liked me to start. When I finally went all the way in for a kiss he pulled me in tight. He was so passionate and I loved him for that. I had never been happier in all my life. He was all I wanted ever since I met him when I was 14. His smug smile, his arrogant cockiness, and his amazing sense of humor drew me to him more than every thing else. I fell on top of him while we were kissing. He quickly stopped himself as he always did when I made a move that was more than just kissing.

"Hey Demi, I want to talk to you about something." My heart was still beating from our intense make out I was definitely NOT in the mood to talk.

"Sure sweetie, what's up?"

"I noticed lately… I mean I've read all the articles that you've put out… and don't you think it's a little too much?"

"What's too much?" I replied a little too quickly. I started arming myself up to be on the defense, and Joe noticed.

"Just everything, like usually my relationships are a bit more private."

"Joe, you and your dad said that it was good to talk about a lot. It would be good to have our relationship out in the open and for all the press and such for the movie."

"Yeah I know, but like you're talking about 'love' and such." My heart sank.

"Are we not in love?" His eyes scanned my face to make sure that I was completely serious.

"Of course we are." He began to reach for my hand. I pulled away.

"Baby, you know I love you. It's just that I'm not used to it all. I mean we have a lot of pressure on us." He was right. It seemed like yesterday I was know as the girl who starred alongside the Jonas Brothers and now I was the girl who dated one of the Jonas Brothers."

May 2010

Joe had just gotten a new house. I was ecstatic because we could finally be alone with no interruptions. I went over to his house for dinner. He was the best boyfriend. He always made me dinner. I couldn't purge the food he made me. I always ate whatever he fed me, and felt good about eating it. He would point out how thin I was and seemed happy that he was filling me up. I was happy with whatever made him happy. I truly and deeply loved him. I rung the doorbell and Joe open the door. I noticed him fake a smile. I smiled back and went to kiss him. He didn't receive it well. He let me have a peck and that was it. What was wrong with him?

When I walked into the kitchen he already had dinner laid out on the table and he sat down immediately to eat. I was still standing. I was rather shocked. He hadn't even spoken a word to me and he usually pulled out my chair for me. i noticed him staring at me and I sat down. He quickly finished his plate. I honestly couldn't eat and he took my plate without even asking if I was finished.

"Wanna take a walk outside?"

"Sure, I'd love to have a tour of your new house." I took his hand and he very lightly grasped it.

Once we got outside, he turned to me and said,

"You know how I'm going to Africa next month?"

"Yeah, I'm going to miss you so much." I thought maybe he was bringing this up to invite me with him. It would be our first vacation together.

He deeply exhaled and said,

"Well, I think it would be a good time for a break." My heart dropped?

"What?"

"I just think that things moved to fast, and since we will be going on tour I think it will be better just to be friends."

I could barely stand up. Everything that meant anything to me anymore was gone. I seriously thought he was the love of my life, but I guess I was seriously wrong. I no longer wanted to live.