February 2010

Joe and I have been hanging out a lot. After filming Camp Rock 2, we stayed in touch more than ever. I wasn't filming or recording and Joe wasn't either. We were both free always and always ready to hang out. I have to admit when we were filming the first Camp Rock, I really liked him. Well at points. There were times where he would flirt with me constantly and make me feel like the only one, but I'd quickly find that I wasn't. But I was just a little girl who had no fame, fortune, glamour or anything that would attract a man like him.

But I was successful now. I had two movies under my belt and one on the way, two successful albums, and my own TV series. I felt more worthy than ever for him and I think that he felt that I was worthy too. But it was tricky. Joe had begun to replace the hole in my heart that I had for Selena. We had stopped talking and I really needed a best friend. Joe was a perfect substitute. He was funny and didn't get his feelings hurt easily. These feelings though… they couldn't be stopped. I started to fall for him, hard. Joe was coming over to my house for a sweet game of Grand Theft Auto. I was excited to see him, but I was now a little nervous around him.

"Hey Demz," he smiled that quirky little smirk of his that made me melt.

"Ready for me to kick your ass?"

"Oh really now? You are gonna kick my ass. I can't wait to see this happen." He hugged me, and it got awkward fast. I couldn't tell if I held on for too long or too shortly, but he could tell something was up. We went down to our basement game room and I turned on the game.

We played for a good two hours with laughing interjections and snack breaks. When we were both tired we just sat on the couch and Joe began to put his arm around me. I put my head on his arm and we sat there for what seemed an eternity.

"Joe?"

"Yeah," he started to move back from me a little, causing me to raise my head from his arm. I worked up every piece of courage I had and said

"We are perfect for each other. I love to laugh; you love to make me laugh. We both like to sing. We have all this publicity that we have to do, together. I mean we just are… perfect." Joe began to get awkward. I knew this was a bad idea.

"Um, I have to go." My heart sank.

"Just like that?"

"I promised Nick I'd be home to help him with a song, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Joe!"

"I'll call you tomorrow." He looked at me, and then turned swiftly away from me and walked off. I was sure it would be the last time that I'd ever see him.

It was another cold day in Chicago. I hated the cold. I began to miss L.A., Texas, and South America. More than anything I just wanted to be out of here. My mom called me last night to tell me what all my fans were doing.

"Demi, you will never believe this, but you're fans are drawing hearts on their wrists everyday in support of you." At first I was weary. In support? Wait what did they know. And secondly, I still had fans? I was in a treatment center for Pete's sake! Why would I still have fans?

"They are drawing hearts on their wrists? For me?"

"Yes! It's amazing! Its just like the little heart on your CDs, and guess what!"

"What?"

"Marrisa, Dallas, Jenna, and even myself got tattoos of it." I started to cry! I couldn't believe it! My mom got a tattoo and I STILL had fans. I knew that this journey was no longer for me, but for my family, friends, and fans.

I definitely had an extra pep in my step that day. The bipolar medicine that Dr. Gearing prescribed to me was really leveling me out. I noticed crazy improvement, though my emotions were still a little haywire from all the issues and problems I now had to face.

"Well look at you, with a smile on your face!" I looked up at Tami. This was the first time I was smiling on my own accord. Usually it was Lauren who was making me smile with her drama and princess-like behavior. I got a little embarrassed and tried to shade my smile, which ended up making me smile even more.

"Well, I was sent here to remind you that you had an appointment with Dr. Gearing today." I had forgotten.

I walked into her office and sat down.

"Demi, today I want us to live through the biggest low then up, you have ever had." This sounded painful.

"What do you mean exactly?"

"I mean sometimes with bipolar you have your biggest let down and biggest accomplishment right after another, so today I would like us to travel back in time and revisit some familiar feelings." Oh shit.