Chapter 16

Raphael woke up with Katherine still buried into his side. He looked at the clock on the TV and concluded that they must have slept through the entire day and into the next night. He didn't want to move, but found that he felt stiff and sore, he also had to use the bathroom. He moved hoping not to wake her, but she woke up anyway.

"Ow." She said as she stretched. She sat up and looked at him her eyes narrowed. "Donatello." She growled.

She rolled off the couch and looked herself over. Satisfied that she wasn't drenched again she looked back at him, anger rolling around in her eyes. He swallowed.

"Thank you for keeping the nightmares away Raphael." She said as she caressed his cheek. She straightened and walked to the door.

"Where are you going?" He asked trying to grab at her hand.

"Have to go to the bathroom, then me and Donatello are going to have a little chat." She growled striding out the door.

"Poor Donny." Raphael said standing up and stretching all of the kinks out of his muscles. At least she wasn't mad at him.

He frowned. He had kissed her and she had kissed him back. Did that mean they were...something now? He didn't know how this stuff worked. Hell he never thought he would ever actually kiss a woman let alone be able to have some sort of relationship with one. Damn, now what? He asked himself. Well first things first. He headed to his room to change and go to the bathroom.

Donatello looked up from his laptop as Katherine strode in. She was furious. He sighed inwardly and closed the laptop. He opened his mouth to talk, but she cut him off. "You had no right." She growled softly.

"Kath..."

"No Donatello, I'm talking right now and you are going to listen very carefully." She said in a voice with all the warmth and colour of the arctic.

Donatello's mouth snapped shut. He swallowed. It was bad enough seeing her fury directed towards Leonardo, it was even worse having it directed at him.

"You had no right to have Raphael drug me. You have no idea the reasons I was doing what I was doing." She said as she walked over to his bed. She looked at him, shoulders slumping. "I know you were worried. I don't blame you for doing what you did, and I know I haven't told you why going to sleep scares me so much, and it is not something I want to talk about. If our roles were reversed I probably would have done the same thing, but all you had to do was ask, I may have been willing to try the sleeping pills. So next time, ask." She said gently as she moved to walk away.

"Katherine, wait...please." He pleaded with her. She looked at him over her shoulder, her white hair a silken mass that trailed down to the middle of her back.

"I'm sorry." He said to her. She turned around and walked back to his bed sitting down at his side. "You're right, I didn't have the right, but...I know it's all my fault." He whispered as despair rolled through him. She had been fine until he was shot. Until she had risked everything to bring him back.

She studied him intently. "What will it take for you to get it through your head that none of this is your fault? If I don't blame you for anything, you cannot blame yourself." She said to him. He shook his head. "I see." She assessed him. She gently reached out and touched his cheek. Awareness ripped through him. His entire focus narrowed and blazed with the realization that his whole world existed only for her and because of her. He pulled her forward and kissed her. Finally she gently pulled away and looked into his eyes. "You are worth whatever price was paid." She said softly as she stood and quietly left his room.

She had tasted like the sweetest honey and at that moment he realized she was right. It was selfish he knew, but he would pay any price to be able to kiss her again.

A few moments later Leonardo strode in followed by Raphael and Michelangelo. Donatello grimaced. It felt like family meeting time. He glared at his oldest brother. He was not in the mood to hear whatever his brother had to say, and it didn't look like either Raphael or Michelangelo were in the mood either.

"What the hell is this all about Leo?" Raphael growled at him.

"You guys don't seem to get it do you?" Leonardo growled back.

"Get what Leo?" Raphael asked. "Get that you are seriously beginning to piss me off!" Raphael yelled.

Leonardo closed his eyes a look of defeat crossing over his face. "Don't you get it Raph?" Leonardo pleaded for understanding. "It's too much. We can't ever ask her to give up so much. We would be asking her to give up her friends her family, her career, and any chance she would ever have of having a family of her own. Don't you see, we can't ask her to give up everything. It's too selfish."

"It isn't our choice to make Leo" Donatello told his brother gently as he finally understood what had devastated his brother. "It was never our choice to make."

"And how long before she regrets the choice she makes? How long before she realizes that the price for being with one of us isn't worth it? How long before she finally hates us for taking away everything?" Leonardo asked his voice cracking with emotion.

"Leo, it is her life, her choice, and she is right. We have choice and we have to live with the consequences of our decisions. She's a smart woman Leo." Donatello told his desperate brother.

"But she's so young Donny." Leonardo said. "She's too young to be making this sort of decision."

"As far as I'm aware Leo, there isn't a time limit." Donatello pointed out.

Leonardo frowned. "Then why does it feel like there is?" He asked as he strode to the door, opened it and closed it gently behind him.

"Okay, does anyone else know what is going on?" Michelangelo asked in confusion. Donatello thoughtfully looked at the closed door.

"It ain't nothing we haven't heard before Mikey." Raphael growled. "I don't know what the hell Leo's problem is, but if I want to ask Kitten out, then I am going to ask her out, and Leo ain't going to stop me."

Michelangelo and Donatello looked at him in shock. "What?" Raphael asked his brothers.

"Not if I ask her first Raph." Michelangelo threatened.

"Yeah you just try it Mikey." Raphael retorted.

Donatello cut in."You ever think about having kids Raph?"

"I...what?" Raphael asked in confusion.

"Kids, ever think about having any?" Donatello asked again.

"Donny, I never even thought about being able to go out with a woman, why would I think about havin' kids?"

"Well, possible woman in your life, now think about it." Donatello prodded.

Raphael frowned. "But we can't have kids." He pointed out to his brother.

"I know Raph, but think about if you could. Would you want to have kids with Katherine?" Donatello prodded his brother who frowned as if he couldn't quite wrap his head around the concept.

"I don't know Donny, I mean, I don't know if I'd even want to have kids. I mean, I'm selfish and hot tempered, I don't think I'd be a good father." He said shaking his head. "Leo'd make a good fath...oh shit." He said as understanding hit him.

"Yeah, that sums it up rather well." Donatello said grimly.

"I'm still confused." Michelangelo cut in.

"Don't you see Mikey, something must have happened that Leo realized that he loves Katherine so much, that he wants the whole package deal. He wants the marriage, the children and the house with the little white picket fence. But the most important part is that he realized that he wants to be a father. He wants to have children with Katherine, which is a biological impossibility. So he is telling us all to back off because he doesn't want her to hate him or one of us for taking away her chance of having all of those things." Donatello told Michelangelo.

Michelangelo was silent as he digested this information. "Poor Leo, we could never marry her, we live in a sewer, and it isn't even like we can just adopt either." He said soberly.

"That is why he said she is too young to be making this kind of decision, because she's only 21. I mean in a few months we're going to be turning 26 and she just turned 21 right before she came here. There's an almost 5 year gap between our ages." Donatello pointed out.

Raphael frowned. "So you know, huh Donny?" Raphael asked him.

"What, that we are all in love with Katherine? Yeah I know, took a while to figure out. Actually I'm surprised that you noticed Raph." Donatello told him.

"I didn't, knuckle-head over there pointed it out to me." Raphael said motioning towards Michelangelo.

Donatello looked at Michelangelo and nodded. Even though everyone considered him the genius, sometimes he had a hard time figuring out the way his brother's thought. Michelangelo however could be quite astute in that regard.

"So now what Donny?" Raphael asked.

Donatello shook his head. He had kissed her this morning, but he knew Katherine was an extremely affectionate person. She tended to have little regard for personal space and boundaries. She had frequently hugged, held hands, and had fallen asleep on all of them. "We let Katherine choose." Donatello told his brothers softly.

Leonardo watched the flames flicker in the grate. He was sitting alone in the very corner of the darkened library. He wasn't sure why, but he was essentially hiding from everyone.

He wished he could continue to be angry at his brother's, angry at them for being so selfish, but there was a huge part of himself that had the same desire, so he could not fault them.

There was a part of him that wished she had never stumbled into his life, showed him what he could never have. He had never thought about where all of Raphael's rage had come from, but now he understood. He understood what Raphael had understood and what he had never thought about; that they were lonely, and that there was never going to be anyone to fill that loneliness.

Leonardo frowned. But Raphael's temper had gotten better. He was still quick to anger, but he was more controlled. Leonardo's frown deepened. Actually they had all changed in some way. Donatello was more social, more confident, Michelangelo was more serious, less prone to joking. He did joke, could joke, still had fun, but there was a new level of maturity that hung about him now.

Katherine had changed him as well. She had made him know himself better. And as miserable as he was at the moment, he would never give up having known her. She had brought happiness back into their lives, she had given them hope for something... more.

So the question he now had to answer for himself was: Was willing to stand back and let one of his brothers have her?

He looked up as Katherine walked into the library. He wondered if she was looking for him. She looked at the fire, the reflecting flames dancing across her face. She sat down in one of the wing chairs that was sitting by the fire.

He wasn't sure if he should announce his presence or not. She didn't look as if she wanted any company, and he realized he couldn't really blame her. His brothers and even himself were a lot to handle. Even April had problems dealing with all of them at times.

She looked like she was deep in thought. She stood up and looked at a card in her hand. It must have been the Tarot card of The Hanged Man. She tossed it into the fire, then strode to the door. "Don't stay up too late Leonardo." She said as she gently closed the door behind her.

Leonardo looked at the door in shock. She hadn't even glanced his way. How had she even known he was in here?

Katherine looked at the sleeping figure outside her door. He had only been there for about half an hour, but had fallen into a heavy doze. She knew he would wake himself up in a few moments.

She had snuck past him a few moments earlier after she had decided to make sure Leonardo was alright. He had been playing least in sight all day and she had wondered if he was okay. She had found him in the library. She had sat down on the chair by the fire, wondering if she should intrude on his thoughts. He had obviously not wanted any company otherwise he wouldn't have been sitting alone in the darkened room. She had decided to leave him alone and if he wanted to talk, he could come and find her. She had sat on the stupid Tarot card and had decided to toss it into the fire. She was curious if it would stay gone, or if it would magically reappear again.

She turned her attention back to Raphael. She feared sleep. It had been a relief to have slept for nearly 36 hours straight, but she didn't wanted to drug herself every single night. And if she didn't sleep, or rather if she slept, Raphael would not sleep.

She closed her eyes. It wasn't the first time she had ever had the dream, but it was the first time that it had been that real, that vivid, that complete. She had always only seen the end, but not the very ending. She had always remembered the running, the sound of the horses pursuing her and the crash of the sea against unforgiving cliffs. But she had always woken up when she had hit the edge of the cliffs and tried to turn back, now she had seen the entirety of the dream. She knew that it had been her, but not her. She knew it was more memory than dream, but the creature at the end, the one who had killed her, she had no idea if that was real or just part of her own imagination giving a horrible image to the one who had killed her, thrown her into the sea, where the waters had tried to drown her, even in this life.

In her nightmare she had been Kaethryn. She had felt all of the pain, fear, shame and anger that Kaethryn had, and yet she knew that Raphael was there. She couldn't see him, but she knew he was watching, knew it was he who had pulled her back from the icy depths of the crashing sea. Her simple, easy, sane and rational life had suddenly gotten harder, less sane, and completely irrational.

But she knew she had to sleep, and so did he. She knelt down and touched his shoulder lightly.

He opened his eyes, fully awake and alert. She stared into his concerned honey brown eyes. "Let's go to sleep Raphael. You promised that even if I had a nightmare you would at least be there to share it with me." She whispered helping him to his feet.

She took his hand, opened the door and closed it gently behind her. She let go of his hand and crawled into bed. She curled up into a little ball facing away from him. She heard the scrape of a chair.

"Come to bed Raphael, I'm not going to have you staring at me all night like some stalker." She said softly and wished her voice would return to normal. Everything that came out of her mouth now sounded like a husky, sex-filled invitation.

She felt the mattress give under his weight as he slipped beneath the covers. She rolled into him, snuggled in close and closed her eyes. He wrapped his arm around her.

"You're going to kill me, you know that right?" Raphael's husky voice sounded in her ear.

She swallowed. His voice always had the ability to pull things tight in her belly. She wanted him. She wanted to touch him, kiss him, make love with him, but the problem was that until she figured out which brother was the one who was truly in her heart, she couldn't engage in any sort of physical relationship with any of them.

"I know." She whispered.

Raphael tipped her head up and kissed her before she could protest. She broke away from their kiss. "Raphael..." She began. Donatello had kissed her earlier today and she couldn't kiss two different men in the same day. Her morality meter just couldn't handle that, but it was too late now.

"It's okay Kitten, I'm here." He whispered as a wave of guilt ran through her.

"Thank you." She said softly instead. She needed to sort out her feelings. But she was too tired at the moment and being in Raphael's arms was like coming home to be where she belonged. She pulled at the ties of his mask and wrapped them around her fingers. She buried herself in his chest, closed her eyes, and went to sleep.

Raphael looked at the woman curled up in his arms. He was tired, but he was unable to sleep. With her pressed against him he was hard pressed to control himself. He wanted to ask her to be his, to go out with him, but something was stopping him.

"Damn you Leo." He whispered the curse to his older brother. The problem was that once a question was asked it could not be unasked, could not be unheard, could not be un-thought. He looked at her pale face reflected in the moonlight.

Possessiveness burned through him. He wanted her. He knew this, knew he was jealous of his other brothers getting near her, but now the possessiveness had turned more animalistic, more territorial, more primal. It didn't matter that he could try to fight with himself, but he wanted what he wanted.

He had never thought about children, or even having kids. There was no point, it was biologically impossible. And he had told Donatello the truth, he thought he would make a terrible father, but he would never know, could never even try, and this thought hurt him more than he ever thought could be possible. But unlike Leonardo, he was a selfish bastard, and he wanted her, because a life with her was better than one without her.

"I love you Katherine." He whispered into her ear. "So how do I convince you to stay with me?" He asked her sleeping figure.

A/N For anyone shouting at the computer for Katherine to just hurry up and pick Raph already and seriously wondering what her problem is, there is a reason she is having issues, but I guess you will just have to keep reading to find out!

*evil laugh* mmmwwahahahah!

please please read and review!