A/N: I apologize for the long wait, but I needed some time to process the ending and really make sure what I was doing was what I wanted. Also, it's more painful than I anticipated - saying goodbye to this fic. I have loved writing it so much! But alas, even good things must come to an end. So, I hope you enjoy this last chapter and please let me know what you think!
—-
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this one's not pretend
And now you're beside me, and look how far we've come
So far we are, so close
Jon McLaughlin, So Close
—-
Chapter 40: The End
Juliet awoke with a start, from the dinging sound that signaled they needed to put on their seatbelts. She looked around, eyes burning, remembering where she was.
She was on the plane back to Miami. James was leaning his head against the window, staring out at the vast expanse of earth below. Her head had been resting snugly on his shoulder.
"What time is it?" she mumbled, and rubbed the blurriness from her eyes.
"Just after nine. We're gonna be landin' soon," he answered, and offered her a soft smile. "You look like ya slept well," he joked, and pointed to her face. Undoubtedly, she was covered in sleep-lines.
"I suppose I did," she agreed, and rubbed her hand more vigorously across her cheek.
"The whole plane knows ya snore now."
She shot him a fierce look. "I do not snore." But James merely shrugged, his eyes dancing in the yellow overhead reading light. She hoped to God he was kidding. "Anyway… I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"My shoulder must be like Ambien to ya."
Juliet laughed. He wasn't wrong. "I just meant… I hope it wasn't too rough of a flight."
He leaned his head back on the seat, turning it slightly to the side, towards her. "Wasn't too bad. Been through worse."
She tried reading any hidden truths behind his eyes, but found them to be fairly relaxed, and focused solely on her. It didn't erase the guilt, though. He'd been nervous when they'd boarded, and had bounced his knee and gripped the armrest hard, even long after they'd finished taking off. His face had been white as a sheet and his breathing ragged and forced.
When she'd pried his hand away from the armrest and settled her fingers between his, finally coaxing him into some semblance of relaxation, everything had grown fuzzy around the edges after that. She clearly had fallen asleep.
Before she could say anything else, the pilot came on the intercom. He explained that they were landing, and they needed to stow their trays and bring their seats back up into an upright position. When he was finished speaking, Juliet glanced over at James and saw sweat glistening at his temples.
He reached for her hand before she could even offer it, and squeezed tight.
—-
The airport was mostly deserted at this time of night. Most of the people there were headed towards the baggage claim, same as they were. The airport smelled of salt and stale air, tinged with disinfectant, but Juliet was happy to be there. She was even happier that James was there beside her, as he always should have been, upon arriving in her hometown.
They passed the newsstand shop where Rachel had bought her six different chocolate bars, when they came back from Tunisia. It gave her pause and she smiled faintly as they passed, suddenly missing her sister with an intensity she hadn't felt in months. She remembered how desperate Rachel had been to try and cheer Juliet up, and how she was convinced chocolate was the way to do it (or at least the start). Not only to try and give her everything she'd been missing on the island, but to try and cure her broken heart, too.
"You okay?" James asked her, his voice cutting through her reverie.
She blinked and turned to face him. "I'm fine." She kept walking, trailing her suitcase behind her - trying desperately not to let the memories of her agony drown her right in the middle of the terminal.
—-
They didn't have to wait long for James's suitcase, and easily claimed one of many cabs idling in front of the airport. The humidity, even at this time of night, was enough to make their skin dewy and cause James's shirt to stick to his lower back. It felt like they were back in the jungle, breathing in the lingering water droplets left over from an afternoon storm. He wondered if Juliet had ever needed to adjust to the tropical climate on the island, if this was where she came from.
They drove back to Rachel's in relative silence - James trying to tamp down on his nerves, and Juliet trying to convince herself, yet again, that this was, in fact, still a good idea. Though, it's far too late now, isn't it? she thought to herself.
James could tell, just by looking at her (and the way she kept avoiding looking at him) that she might be having second thoughts. The idea made him feel sick, like something slick and alive was undulating in his stomach.
He didn't know what to say to make this any easier on her. He didn't know what was going on inside her head, or where any of this sudden coldness was coming from. She'd just held his hand and slept on his shoulder on the plane. She'd smiled at him and comforted him, and everything seemed to be going well, all things considered.
In fact, he thought they'd come to a pretty solid understanding in L.A. He thought this past weekend had changed everything and made her love him again. But perhaps it was more complicated than that. He supposed he should have known it couldn't have been this easy. He was being idealistic and had his blinders on, and if this was going to work between them, he needed to face her discomfort, each and every time, head on.
If she let him.
"I'm nervous. 'Bout meetin' Rachel," he offered. A nugget of truth, unasked for. An olive branch, trying to bridge the gap between them. It felt sour, coming out of his mouth, but he was going to have to bite the bullet and try this newfound 'honesty' thing. For her.
His words must have broken the spell, because she turned to look at him, still looking like she was in a daze. "Oh?"
"Yeah… It's weird, I guess. I feel like I know her, but I don't. And she sure as hell don't know me, but I bet she thinks she does, a little." He didn't know if he was making sense, but it made sense to him. God only knew what Juliet told Rachel about him. When she was hurt, when she was angry… It probably wasn't anything good.
But for years, he'd heard stories from when the two of them were younger. He knew Rachel's favorite cake, favorite color, favorite band (because Juliet had steadfastly avoided all of their music) and he knew how much shit she'd been through, as she battled cancer.
And yet, he didn't know what she looked like. Whether she was tall or short, thick or thin, blonde or brunette. And so to him, she still felt very much like a stranger. But he needed this stranger to like him. He'd never been more dependent on hitting it off with someone. Because if Rachel didn't like him, or felt like he wasn't even worth occupying the same space as Juliet (which, he wasn't, but that was besides the point) then it would be over for him.
Juliet understood. She could read the anxiety on James's face, and the fact that he cared so much about making sure this went well made her bones feel warm. "She's going to love you. You're a lot more alike than I'd ever realized before."
James's eyes flickered with interest. "Yeah? How so?"
Juliet cocked her head to the side and chose her words carefully. "You're both stubborn. Fearless. Smart. The only language you speak is sarcasm." James laughed, and the sound helped her shoulders unclench, ever so slightly. "And you both love me, so. You have that in common too."
"Sure do," James sighed, and reached out his hand to hold hers. She turned her head and finally met his gaze. He held it there, as long as she'd let him. Her mouth pinched together and her eyes were wide. Maybe he wasn't the only one who was nervous, though perhaps for different reasons.
Moments passed, and she didn't say it back. He knew she loved him; her agreeing to bring him with her to Miami was action enough, but also he'd heard it himself while eavesdropping on her conversation with Rachel. But it occurred to him that as many times as he'd confessed his love for her in the last couple days, she had yet to say the words back to him. It made him ache, but he said nothing about it. She was already giving him more than he deserved.
She finally turned away to look out the window, and James tried to be understanding. This couldn't be easy for her, even though he desperately wanted it to be. She was bringing him home, to her corner of the country, to her space. It was there that she'd grieved him and everything he'd done to her. He couldn't fathom what was going through her head right now, but he clung harder to her, showing how grateful he was to be sitting here next to her at all.
Five minutes had passed before he felt three distinct squeezes on his hand.
He knew what that meant. She may not be able to say the words aloud to him yet, but they were there. And she wanted him to know it.
—-
They stood outside Rachel's house as the taxi drove back up the street. He swallowed, staring at the small brick building, while the sounds of his heart thumping in his ears drowned out the crickets chirping in the bushes.
He was finally here. It all came down to this. He needed to make a good impression. Though he was only meeting his ex-girlfriend's sister, this was the closest he'd ever come to the commitment of meeting a girlfriend's parents, and he was convinced he was going to fuck this up somehow.
Juliet put her hand up on James's shoulder and squeezed once, reassuringly. She then moved to rest her fingers on his inner elbow and pulled him alongside her, into the house.
As soon as they walked through the door, Rachel sprung up from her place on the end of the couch. "I wasn't sleeping!" she announced, though it was evident that she was. Juliet giggled and made a beeline for her sister. "You're back!" Rachel cooed, and clung to Juliet tightly.
"I hope you don't mind, I found this drifter at the airport and told him he could sleep here," Juliet told her, her face completely blank and her thumb pointed at James. He cut her an incredulous look, and both sisters burst out laughing.
"Hey, any drifter that looks like that is welcomed in this house," Rachel retorted under her breath and gave him a flirty smile. This made James laugh, and all nervous energy fizzled away. Right out of the gate, Rachel seemed to be aiming to put him at ease, and for that he was grateful.
She was nothing like he expected her to be, though he wasn't really sure what he was expecting. She looked nothing like her sister, but it felt good, finally having this missing piece of the puzzle that made up Juliet. It made him feel even closer to her, somehow - finally meeting the sister who meant the world to her.
"How was the flight?" she asked, and pulled Juliet's suitcase into the hallway. She grabbed James's suitcase too, and set it along the opposite wall.
"Fine," Juliet responded, and set her purse on the credenza by the front door.
"'Course ya thought that - ya slept almost the whole time," James pointed out, and shot her a teasing grin. She returned it.
"I assume you must be James, then," Rachel joked, and it pulled Juliet back from the elated bubble she found herself in. Two of the three people she loved most in the world, finally meeting for the first time. Just like she'd always dreamed. It helped ease the anxiety that had been festering in the cab.
"Sorry. Yes. Rachel, James - James, Rachel." She waved her hand, casually introducing them as if they didn't already know who they were meeting.
"Ohhh, Rachel," James dragged out, putting out his hand for her to shake. He nodded, as if processing this information. "Thought you might be the other long-lost sister she kept goin' on about."
Rachel barked an amused laugh as she shook James's hand. "Nope, just the one! You sure you're not her other long-lost boyfriend? I hear she has quite a few of those."
Juliet felt her face burst into flame at the word: boyfriend. They hadn't exactly gone there yet. But James seemed unphased by the comment and flashed his dimples down at Rachel. "A few, you say?"
"We left the other one in L.A." Juliet interjected, without missing a beat. James shot her a surprised look. "What? Two can play at that game, Ford." They laughed lightly and she winked at him, reminding him she was kidding.
"Jules, why don't you go settle back in, get comfortable, and I'll give James a quick tour?" Rachel suggested. Juliet opened her mouth to protest, not seeing why she couldn't be the one to give him the tour, but the look in Rachel's eyes stopped her. She looked sobered up - all joking around was gone.
"Okay, sure," Juliet agreed. She gave James a quick, pursed smile and dragged her suitcase down the hall to her bedroom. She left his where it was, reminding him that he was still going to be on his own tonight.
Before he could break the rapidly-descending ice, Rachel started the tour. They moved from the living room to the kitchen and dining room, down the hall to where Julian and Juliet's bedrooms were. She showed him the hall bathroom, and then they ended the tour right back where they started. She pointed down the other hall, where her room was.
"Julian is sleeping with me tonight. I thought it would be easier that way, to keep him from bothering you tomorrow morning."
"Oh, I'm sure it'll be alright," he replied. He was starting to feel out of place, just as he feared he would. He didn't want to be a burden.
"He has school in the morning, so he'll be up early. He can watch cartoons with me in my room for a while, but when it's time for breakfast, all bets are off. So maybe sleep with some clothes on, if you don't already."
James felt the flush creep up his neck. "On it, Chief."
Rachel sighed through her nose and fixed him with a hard stare that hit him squarely in the chest. "Look. I know you and Juliet talked. About what happened. She told me." James nodded, and felt his eyes drift to the floor from the weight of his shame. "I can't say I understand everything that happened on that island, because I definitely don't. But I do understand the idea of pushing someone away when you think it's in their best interest. But lemme tell you - it was the wrong choice."
James pursed his lips and raised his gaze to meet hers. If he was going to get what was coming to him, the least he could do was take it like a man.
Rachel continued. "I guess I should say… it was the wrong choice for her. For me? Now that's a whole different story." She moved around the couch and sat down. James followed her, and sat diagonally from her on the edge of the pullout bed. "I don't know how I got through all those years without her. I really don't. I guess you don't realize how much someone does for you until they're not there to do it anymore. And when I thought she was dead?" she scoffed, her glistening eyes fixed on something on the ceiling. "I think my son saved me. Because without him, I'm not sure how I would have gone on. Our parents are dead, and losing the last family member I had left…."
James felt his throat tighten. "I can relate," he offered, and Rachel nodded sadly. She didn't know about James's history, but Juliet had hinted that his life had never been easy.
"I guess what I'm trying to say, before Juliet gets too nosy and comes back out here, is thank you. Thank you for giving her back to me. As much as I hate how you did it, and what it did to her, I'm grateful you tried, at least. To do what you thought was right."
James sucked in a quick breath. "I don't - I don't know what to say." And it was true. He expected her to be more angry at him than perhaps Juliet was. She'd only ever seen the ways in which James had made Juliet miserable, and none of the ways in which he'd made her happy. So getting Rachel's forgiveness, and her thanks, right off the bat? This was… unexpected.
He felt like an unbearable burden was lifted off his shoulders, and she hadn't even lifted a finger.
"She already told me how much she loves you. Do you love her the same way?" Rachel whispered, and James's heart skipped a beat, just thinking of the question. It was direct in a way he was starting to associate with Rachel's personality, and he liked it, even when it was at his own expense.
"Absolutely," he replied with unfiltered conviction.
Rachel nodded and smiled softly. "Then the least I can do is help you get her back, too." James didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. Then Rachel's smile faltered and she pointed a finger at him accusingly. "And don't you forget - I'm a teacher, and I can smell lies a mile away. So don't fuck this up again, you hear me? Because I will find a way to make your life a living hell if you do. Teachers are also very creative."
James snickered, though there was nothing funny about her threat, and locked his eyes on hers. "Trust me. If I fuck this up again, my life'll already be a livin' hell. No intervention needed."
Rachel nodded and smiled sadly. She believed him.
It was quiet for a moment, and then Juliet emerged from the bathroom, steam billowing out from behind her. Her hair was wet and curling, and she wore a pair of pajama shorts and an oversized t-shirt, with her arms crossed over her chest.
"Thought I'd take a quick shower. Scrub the airport off me," she announced softly, and looked back and forth between James and Rachel, trying to read any remnants of their conversation on their faces. She saw nothing worth grasping onto.
"Feel better?" he asked, and she nodded.
"Well… I think I'm going to head to bed," Rachel announced. "Give you guys some privacy." She came around the couch to give Juliet one last small hug. "Goodnight," she told them, and nodded once to James.
The silence left behind was more uncomfortable than James had expected. Juliet leaned her shoulder against the wall, watching him. "Do you need to shower?" she asked, and rubbed her elbow absentmindedly.
He shook his head. "Nah. I'll grab one in the mornin'."
She nodded, and licked her lips nervously. He wondered what had changed. Why she was acting distant from him again. "Okay. Well… I guess this is goodnight then."
James's stomach sank, even when it shouldn't. But he said he would respect her boundaries, play by her rules, so he mumbled, "Night, Jules."
"Rachel showed you where my room is, just down the hall. Let me know if you need me." She turned to leave, but stopped at the sound of James's low snickering. "What?" she asked tentatively, turning back around to see what was so amusing.
The look he gave her tore her to pieces.
"You wanna be alone, and I get that. I do. But you also said to come get you if I need you?"
"Yeah, so?"
He snorted and gave a self-conscious shrug, suddenly feeling exposed, vulnerable. "So?" he repeated. "Maybe I need you."
For several long moments they stood there, at this unexpected stand-off. James wondered if perhaps he'd gone too far, but if she wanted his honesty, she was going to get it. Even if it wasn't pretty.
But then Juliet broke away from the wall. She walked over to his spot on the pullout bed, never breaking eye contact. She stood in front of him, in between his knees, and pulled his head against her sternum. She leaned over top of him and wrapped her arms around his head in a tender, understanding hug. He put his arms around her lower back and squeezed, terrified of the moment she'd decide to let go.
After a minute, she planted a kiss on the top of his head. "Goodnight, James," she whispered again, and he could feel her hot breath on his scalp. He sighed, knowing he had no choice but to let her go. She turned off the living room light and headed to her bedroom. He couldn't help but stare after her, missing the warmth of her body under his cheek. He clung to it, closed his eyes, and slipped under the blankets, trying to pretend she was still with him.
When Juliet got back to her bedroom, she clicked off the light and slid under the covers. She was trembling, and she had no idea why.
They needed space. She needed space. She needed to be able to process the fact that he was here, in her house, because he'd wanted to fight for her - for them. But also, she just felt like this was the right thing to do. She couldn't necessarily articulate why. Sleeping apart while they adjusted to this new normal was good for them. It was what she should do… Right? And not just jump in headfirst, and risk getting hurt again?
No one answered her question. The silence of the room hung heavily around her like a thick shroud, and she blinked miserably in the darkness. She wondered why none of this could be easy. (Though, it had never been easy - giving her heart to him. Not the first time, and certainly not now.)
She laid there for almost an hour, tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable spot. Perhaps she shouldn't have slept so long on the plane. (She blamed that as the reason she was wide awake, and not the fact that James was sleeping just down the hall from her.)
Her mind was racing. Indecision was tearing her apart. She'd set a boundary, and she needed to stick with it, she told herself. But she also longed to see him. She missed him. She missed his warmth and his arms, and the way he made her feel safe. She couldn't remember why she'd been so scared to let him all the way in. (Well, she could, but it hardly felt relevant now, when her misery was screaming out for her attention.)
With a deep sigh, she finally stood. Her feet were making the decision for her. As she'd done the last few nights, she crept down the hallway, seeking out James like a homing beacon. She found her way through the darkness, knowing the layout by heart, until she finally reached the edge of the living room.
It was as if he had been waiting for her. Wordlessly, he opened the covers. She couldn't see his face in the darkness, but she imagined there was a knowing twinkle reflected in his eyes. She only hesitated for a moment before she gave in, and slipped in beside him.
Though he'd only been in the bed for an hour, his smell permeated the sheets. It surrounded her as she snuggled in, and his warm, strong arms wrapped around her body. He pressed his chest against her back and nuzzled his face into her neck. He planted a kiss just below her ear and she shivered, which only made him hold her tighter. In turn, she turned and kissed the inside of his arm, sighing contentedly.
Now she was home. And all her worries and doubts melted away as she finally drifted off to sleep.
—-
When James awoke in the morning, Juliet was gone. He heard a rustle and opened his eyes wider, finding a young blonde boy staring down at him. Before James could get a good look, the boy was backing away, caught in the act.
"Hey there, squirt," James groaned. He sat up slowly, hoping not to scare off the kid. "You must be Julian."
The boy sat on the couch, still staring at James, wide-eyed but unafraid. "My mommy told me you're Juliet's friend."
James flinched at the word, sucking in a quick breath through his teeth. "Yeah. Somethin' like that," he agreed, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked around, hoping to find Juliet, but she was nowhere to be found. "Your aunt up yet?"
Julian shook his head. "No." He said nothing else for a moment, just looking James over - from his tousled bedhead to his feet poking out from the bottom of the blankets. "You sound funny. Like a cowboy. Do you have a horse?"
James laughed. He'd been called a cowboy many times, but he'd never been asked that question before. "No. But I like 'em."
"Do you know Sandy Cheeks?" Julian asked, and fiddled with one of the couch pillows. Surprisingly, James did know Sandy Cheeks. Back in L.A., he'd found himself watching Spongebob Squarepants randomly during the day, drunk off his ass and too lazy to change the channel.
"Yeah, I do," James grinned. "She's from Texas, ain't she?"
At the recognition, Julian's face bloomed from half-hearted curiosity to full-blown excitement. "Yeah! She sings a whole song about it!"
James couldn't remember there being a song. "Ya don't say?"
"Yeah! It's kinda sad though. She lives in the ocean but she misses Texas. She sings about wanting to go home. But Spongebob makes her feel better."
James's stomach seized, but years of practice helped him keep his face neutral. "Home's a good place to be," he agreed. He couldn't help but think of Juliet - stuck on the island, but longing to go home. To be here, with them.
"Where do you live? Are you from Texas?"
"Nah, I'm from Alabama. 'Bout halfway between here and Texas, I reckon."
Julian laughed. "Reckon," he repeated, imitating the accent.
"Alright kiddo, that's enough questions for James," Juliet said from the hallway. James leaned to the side and lifted his head, trying to see her. She was standing there in her messy bun and wrinkled pajamas, walking towards them with a cup of coffee in her hands.
"You're back!" Julian exclaimed, and rushed over to give her a hug. She hugged him the same way she'd hugged James last night - his cheek to her belly and her arm cradling his head. She held the other hand aloft, keeping her hot coffee away from him.
"I am," she agreed brightly, and pressed a loud kiss to his head. "And I missed you!" she added.
"You weren't gone so long this time," Julian pointed out, and pulled away from her. James watched her smile sadly down at him, and then met James's eyes from across the room.
"No. I suppose I wasn't."
"You missed breakfast! Mommy said I had to eat real quiet."
Juliet flashed a knowing look at James. She doubted that Julian had actually been quiet, but either way, clearly James had slept through it. "I'll eat breakfast with you tomorrow, baby," she told Julian, who brightened at her response.
"Julian! It's time to go! Grab your backpack!" Rachel called from deep in her room. She came out carrying a large bag of her own, and a travel coffee mug in the other hand. "Bye Jules, bye James," she said hurriedly, and gave Juliet a quick peck on the cheek before ushering Julian out the door. He barely had the chance to wave before the door was shutting behind him.
"Sorry, they're running late," Juliet noted, looking at the clock. "I think she was trying to give you as much time as possible to sleep in.
James sat back against the couch cushions behind the bed. "It's alright. I don't mind. I can get up earlier tomorrow."
"You might have to. I don't think either of us will be able to stop Julian from talking your ear off about Spongebob, now."
James chuckled. "He's a cute kid, that one."
Juliet sat on the edge of James's bed, set her coffee mug down on the table, and smiled down at her lap. "He is. He definitely is. So… how'd you sleep?" she asked, turning her attention back towards him.
He inhaled through his nose and took her hand. He waited for her to pull it away but she didn't. "Better'n I thought I would. You?"
She smirked, though he could tell she was trying to fight it. "Same."
"Where'd you go?"
"I had to pee. So I just… went back to my own bed. I didn't want to confuse Julian, seeing us together out here."
He nodded. "Probably for the best, I guess. Although… there's another thing we could do to prevent that too, ya know."
He gave her hand a little tug and his eyes darted to the hallway. She pursed her lips together in a firm line. "I'm not ready for that. Not yet."
"But, last night - "
"I know. I know how it sounds. I know I'm going back and forth, and I know it's confusing. It's confusing for me too. But…" she trailed off and sighed heavily. "I'll let you know when I'm ready, okay? I just need time, before we take this any further. Is that alright?" Her voice was so soft, so quiet. She was desperately trying to get him to understand. This wasn't about him. This was about her. And for reasons she couldn't necessarily explain to him, she felt like the moment she let him back into her bed would be the moment she let him back in to her heart. And she needed time before she did that again.
"I understand," he murmured, and brought her hand up to his lips. He placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles and then put her hand back down on the bed. "I love you, Juliet. I don't wanna ruin this. Not again. So I'll sleep out here for however long ya want me to, okay? You just let me know."
She smiled. She couldn't help it. "Thank you. I will."
He couldn't help but notice she hadn't said she loved him in return. But that was okay. When she did, it would mean something. He just needed to be patient, he told himself. He'd done it once before with her, he could do it again.
"So. What do you want to do today?" Juliet asked, and rubbed her thumb against the side of James's hand.
"Well, I thought about that last night a little bit. After you went to bed." He adjusted into a more comfortable position and leaned in towards her. "I like Rachel. She's - a real nice lady. And I wanna do somethin' for her - somethin' that says thanks, for lettin' me stay here and whatnot."
"What did you have in mind?"
"Well, for starters, I was thinkin' we steal the kid away for a bit after school. I dunno - take him somewhere fun. Give her some time to herself. Then, we come home and make some kinda nice dinner. It ain't much, but that's all I got."
Juliet grinned, and it lit James up inside. "I think it's perfect. She'll love that."
"Ya think so? It's not too simple?"
Juliet shook her head and placed a hand on James's rough cheek. "I think it's perfect," she reiterated again, running her thumb softly against his skin before pulling it away. "Rachel likes simple. Plus, it gives you time to get to know Julian. I do have one minor question about this so-called plan, though."
"Oh? What's that?"
Juliet pressed her lips into a thin line and arched an eyebrow at him. "What's this about 'us' cooking dinner?" she teased. She didn't see it coming when he knocked his pillow playfully into her shoulder, but her shrieking laughter was enough to set him completely ablaze.
—-
While Rachel and Julian were gone, Juliet and James got to work. After they'd properly showered (separately, of course) and had breakfast, they started by tidying up the house. Juliet threw a load of clothes in the washer, and James ran the vacuum. They worked in tandem until the house was spotless, and then they stopped for a light lunch.
After lunch, the pair pulled an old, unused dresser out of the garage and rearranged the clutter in the laundry room to make space for it. They cleaned it out, ensuring it was completely free of cobwebs, and stacked James's clothes inside. They weren't sure how long he'd be staying in the living room, but even then, she didn't have room for his stuff in her bedroom, and he couldn't live out of a suitcase forever.
They had about an hour to read and relax before Julian and Rachel got home and they were finally able to enact James's big plan.
Julian was thrilled to be going to Chuck E. Cheese, and on their way out, Rachel murmured to Juliet to be careful, that James might just take over as being Julian's new favorite person. And it was true. The whole ride there, Julian talked non-stop in a way that Juliet had never seen before. It was unexpected and a bit overwhelming, seeing Julian take to someone new so easily (and so quickly), but they had a fantastic time. Just as he knew they would.
They stopped by the grocery store on the way home and picked up the ingredients for one of the only meals James knew how to cook, lasagna, and made it home shortly after five. Juliet, taking over for Rachel, wrangled Julian into doing his homework, giving James the opportunity to have some space to cook dinner without Julian hovering.
They ate dinner a little later than usual, closer to seven; Rachel had taken a long bubble bath and had two glasses of wine before even sitting down to eat. She hadn't even noticed the time. "Maybe it's the wine talking, but Juliet if you don't lock this man down soon, I may just have to seduce him and steal him from you," Rachel giggled, and tossed back the rest of her wine without a care in the world.
"Rachel!" Juliet gasped, bright red, her gaze flicking first to Julian and then to James. Julian was playing with a monster truck at the table and not paying attention, and James looked more smug than Juliet had ever seen him. It didn't even matter that his face was also pinker than usual. He was delighted.
"What? You know I'm only joking!" Rachel rolled her eyes, but threw a conspiratorial wink towards James.
"Oh my God." Juliet pressed her hands against her face and groaned. She didn't know what was more important to consider here: that Rachel was throwing her to the wolves (and undoubtedly making James's ego unbearable) or… that it seemed like his plan had worked, and they were getting along really well. Better than she could have ever hoped for, really.
She focused on the latter.
She cleaned up after dinner ended, putting away the leftovers before rinsing the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher. She felt James's approach before she heard him - like a sixth sense. "Wish we'd had one 'a those," he sighed wistfully, nodding down at the dishwasher.
Juliet turned, still holding a plate in her hands. "Sure. Maybe. But… you always looked so handsome doing the dishes," she teased. She remembered the last time she'd seen him doing them, just before the gang returned. Things had been so simple then. They'd been so gloriously in love. Everything he did turned her on - even something as mundane as household chores.
James laughed lowly under his breath, clearly remembering his own version of those events. "You got a thing for men doin' chores, dontcha, Blondie?"
Her eyes sparkled wickedly as she set her focus back on her task. "Perhaps," she replied airily, causing James to laugh again.
Things got quiet between them, but not in an uncomfortable way. James made himself useful and wiped down the counters while she loaded the dishes, and it felt deliciously domestic. It felt… strange, but right.
"Say listen. I got an idea," James said suddenly. He tossed the folded dishrag onto the counter.
Juliet turned her head to face him. "Hmm?"
He bit his lip for just a second, but it was enough to clue Juliet in that whatever he was going to say was important. She leaned in almost instinctively, intrigued. "How's about I take ya on a date?" he asked quietly. It was so sincere, it rendered her temporarily speechless. "Our first real date."
"But… we've been on dates before," she replied, slightly confused. "On the island."
He waved a hand in the air, brushing her off. "Not real ones. Not, you know, ones out in public."
Juliet straightened. "Those weren't real dates to you?"
James's eyes widened and he held up his hands. "Look, they were. They are. But it was all we had. Now? Now I can, ya know… do all the stuff with ya I never got the chance to do before. Plus… we're startin' over, ain't we? Shouldn't we… I dunno… act like it?"
Juliet immediately thought of their sleeping arrangements. How, despite having slept together hundreds of times, she was hesitant to bring him into her room. Behind closed doors. Intimacy, she knew, would lead to her heart, and though they'd had sex just days ago, it hadn't been for the same reason then. It didn't count.
Now, he was meeting her where she was. She wanted a fresh start between them, and he was offering it to her. All on his own.
It moved her in a way she couldn't dwell on for too long. She didn't want to break down crying in the middle of the kitchen. She didn't want to cry at all anymore, in fact.
Jokingly, to direct the attention away from her astonishment, she said, "I don't put out on the first date, you know."
James laughed, and it seemed the job was done. "Guess I'll just have to take ya out on more then, huh?" he murmured, and ran his hand along her bare bicep. It gave her goosebumps, and she had to pull away before he saw them. When she did, he added, "That breakfast date count?" He looked absolutely salacious as he leaned towards her, deepening his dimples as if they were her kryptonite. As if, if he looked cute enough, it would sway her answer.
"Some things never change," she sighed, and poured soap into the dishwasher before closing it up. He would do anything to get into her pants, she thought. It made her blush furiously, and a wide grin broke across her face. She didn't mind.
"Some things never will," James replied, though he lacked his previous jovial tone. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the side of her head before leaving her alone in the kitchen, their exhausting day finally over.
—-
The next day, James borrowed Juliet's car. He said he had some errands to run and wanted to do them privately. She agreed, albeit begrudgingly and with an almost painful curiosity, and waited on pins and needles for him to get home. He made her stay in her bedroom when he brought everything inside, citing that it was a secret and she shouldn't 'spoil the fun.'
The following day, she caught James and Rachel whispering privately in the kitchen after she emerged from her shower. She stumbled to a stop upon finding them, and they'd immediately stopped talking. Later, Rachel claimed they had been 'planning Julian's birthday party,' but refused to share any of the details they'd supposedly discussed.
Juliet wasn't an idiot. But she was perfectly happy letting them treat her like one. If it meant some big surprise for their date on Saturday night, then so be it.
Each night leading up to the date, Juliet found she couldn't fall asleep knowing how close James was. She'd sneak into his bed, he'd wrap her up in his arms, and she'd leave every morning before Julian woke up for school. It was an unspoken agreement between them now. That neither wanted to sleep without the other ever again.
During the day, James would do what he could to help Rachel around the house while she was at work. He repaired the hole in the fence, took her car to be serviced while she borrowed Juliet's (because Juliet wasn't familiar enough with that make and model to fix it herself), and even cooked dinner again on Friday night.
Rachel couldn't speak more highly of James, especially in private with Juliet. And Juliet was proud of him, too. He'd earned every ounce of praise he was getting. Plus, she could tell he was doing it for the right reasons; he was really trying. He wanted to make up for what he'd done. He beat himself up constantly for it, and this was the only way he knew how, to try and tip the scales. Would it ever erase the past? No. And they both knew that. But it was his effort that mattered.
He was nowhere close to being the same man she'd tased in a jungle once upon a time. He'd blossomed into something more, and Juliet couldn't help but wonder if his love for her had had anything to do with that.
—-
Saturday night finally rolled around, and Juliet's entire body vibrated with a nervous, excited energy. Rachel had left an hour ago, saying she was taking Julian to his friend's house, but she wasn't back yet. James, who'd claimed yet another errand, wasn't back either. It was already five o'clock - she wasn't sure what time they were supposed to be leaving, but she was hungry. She hoped he'd be back soon.
With nothing better to do, she examined her reflection in the floor length mirror in her bedroom. James refused to tell her what they were doing, so she wasn't sure what to wear. She'd decided for a black maxi dress with a low, v-shaped neckline, a chunky blue necklace, and a dark blue denim jacket with sandals. If it ended up being a nicer place, she'd ditch the jacket. But she didn't want to look too fancy, either. God forbid he was taking her bowling, or something.
Suddenly, she heard a knock at the door. It jolted her, and she looked around her bedroom. It took her a moment to remember that no one was home, but then she pursed her lips and went to answer it. She expected a neighbor, or perhaps even a delivery man, but what she found instead shocked her down to her toes.
James stood, dressed in dark jeans and a charcoal grey button up shirt, rolled up to the elbows. His shaggy hair was brushed back from his face, which was now completely clean-shaven, and he smelled divine. The breeze blew the scent into the house and Juliet almost fainted in the doorway, just at the sight of him.
He was gorgeous.
"James," she breathed, and looked him over one more time for good measure. It took her a moment to recognize the flowers that he pulled out from where they'd been tucked behind his back. Yellow, white, and pale pink flowers overflowed in a bouquet bigger than her head. They looked so similar to the ones he'd gotten for her birthday, back in 1974, that it took her breath away.
"These're for you," he crooned happily, and put the flowers into her stunned, outstretched hands.
"They're beautiful," she whispered, her gaze flicking back and forth between him and the flowers. "You didn't have to do this…"
"I know," he shrugged. "But I wanted to. This is our first date after all, ain't it? I always bring a lady flowers on the first date. Especially the ladies I like."
She wanted so badly to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him, but she restrained herself. It seemed important to James that they play the part. After all, if it hadn't, he wouldn't be picking her up like this.
She went inside and put the flowers in a vase. Then, she grabbed her purse and strode out into the early evening sunshine. "Where are we going?" she asked.
"Oh ya know, out."
Juliet couldn't help but laugh at his obscurity. "Are we at least eating first? I'm starving."
They buckled into Juliet's car, James at the steering wheel. He shot her a chastising look. "Yes, we're goin' to eat. But are you always this huffy on a first date, woman?"
She grinned and rolled her eyes. He really wasn't kidding. But it was nice, she supposed. It felt real - this fresh start - and his commitment to it was moving. "I like your car, James," she responded instead, running her hands along the faux wood interior. If he wanted her to play pretend, she'd play pretend.
Then James said something unexpected as he rolled the windows down, cracking them slightly. "Thanks. It's my ex-girlfriend's."
Her laughter echoed down the street as they left their neighborhood behind.
—-
It would seem their evening would start at a fancy Italian restaurant. They had reservations for 5:30, and were seated shortly after their arrival. It was taking getting used to, but soon Juliet got into the rhythm of the game they were playing.
She asked typical first date questions - what does he do for a living, does he have any siblings, and, with the hint of a smile, if he'd been anywhere exotic recently. He answered honestly, that he was between jobs (she was too, how interesting), didn't have any siblings, and yes, in fact, he had been (how funny, so had she!).
They ordered wine and talked about Rachel and Julian. They talked about her research, in which he didn't even have to feign interest - he truly wanted to know what she was hoping to get back into soon - and about their hobbies. Over rich, authentic pasta dinners they discussed books, movies, politics (she pretended to vomit when he mentioned he voted Republican and he pretended to ask for the check when he found out she was a Democrat) and even something as mundane as the weather.
She was absolutely charmed by him, and having a fabulous time, and they weren't even close to being done with their evening yet, he'd said.
(A small voice in the back of her mind reminded her that this was why he was such a successful conman, once upon a time. If this was the kind of treatment he gave women on a date, she probably would have given him all her money, too.) She was ashamed to have thought it, but it was true nonetheless.
James paid for the meal, of course, though she'd all but begged him to let them go dutch. He'd refused her on the grounds of it being traditional first date behavior that the man pays. She let him, begrudgingly, and they left the restaurant with their arms linked.
It was a short walk to a slightly run down movie theater that usually played classic movies. It caught her by surprise - that this was where he was taking her - as opposed to one of the newer, upscale theaters that played new releases. But once they sat down in their seats, she discovered why.
The lights went down and James leaned over, whispering in her ear, "Figured it's been a while since ya saw this one." She narrowed her eyes at him in confusion, but then the opening credits began to roll for Casablanca.
She drew in a sharp breath, leaning forward slightly in disbelief. She looked over at him, and then back at the screen. "How did you do this?" she all but hissed.
He smirked and entwined his rough fingers through her smooth ones. "People'll do all kindsa stuff for money, sweetheart. Don't you worry about it."
Juliet's throat felt tight. It was true, she hadn't seen this movie in a while. Not since their last anniversary. The last one before… well. Before. "I can't believe you did this," she whispered, even though they were the only ones in the theater. He merely smiled, shrugged one shoulder, and nodded his head back to the screen. She was positively buzzing with shock, but she followed his lead and settled in to watch the movie.
She wanted to kiss him. God, did she want to. But James merely held her hand. And when he needed to shift positions in the old chair, he slung his arm around her shoulders instead. She took every opportunity to snuggle into him - she wanted to be as close as he'd let her be. But she found herself not fully watching the movie. Instead, she remembered the last time they'd watched it together, in their bed on the island. How hot his kisses were on her mouth, how warm his hands had been as they'd slid up her shirt.
She was convinced she wasn't going to make it through this date without breaking this charade.
By the time the movie ended, Juliet was in agony. She pressed her legs firmly together, hoping to ward off the growing need there. But he was making it so damn hard. He smelled fantastic, he looked phenomenal, and he wasn't even trying to hit on her. Why did that seem to make it ten times worse?
She was grateful when the lights came on and she could stand. She smiled down at him broadly, and asked, "Where to now?" She kind of hoped he'd say home. She needed a cold shower after this.
But instead, he looked at his watch. "We got fifteen minutes before the place closes. I think we can make it."
"What place?" she asked, as he took her hand in his.
"You'll see," he responded secretively, and led her out of the theater.
They walked only a couple blocks before they arrived at a popular ice cream place, one that she hadn't been to in ages. One that, coincidentally, was her favorite.
"Did Rachel put you up to this?" she gasped, already getting excited. The neon lights glowed in the darkness, and the place was still fairly populated, despite the late hour.
"She's your sister, right?" he joked, and chuckled before leading her inside. "Nah. Never met her." Juliet rolled her eyes and giggled under her breath. At least she understood now what they'd been whispering about.
They ordered their ice cream cones; James opting for a mint chip and Juliet for a chocolate chip cookie dough. They found a table to sit outside, and huddled in close together. The air was much chillier than it had been earlier, but Juliet didn't mind. The ice cream (and sitting so close to James) was proving to be worth it.
"I love ice cream," Juliet moaned, and James gave her a wicked grin.
"I like watchin' you eat ice cream," he responded, earning him a light slap on his shoulder. He angled his cone in such a way, attempting to avoid her, that he got a little bit of it on his nose. She was half tempted to lick it off, but he noticed and wiped it away on his napkin. (Lucky napkin.)
He seemed to notice her staring, because he swallowed and leaned away slightly. As if he needed to physically pull himself from the temptation. She had to admit, he was taking this 'first date' thing really far.
"Wanna play a game?" he offered instead. Talking, he figured, would keep him distracted enough.
"What kind of game?" she asked, giving her cone a long, exaggerated lick. He turned away, clenching the fist that wasn't holding his cone.
"I dunno. Gotten to know you pretty well tonight, I'd say. Usually, when I wanna know someone, I play a little game called 'Never Have I Ever.'"
Juliet almost dropped her cone. "You can't be serious," she shrieked. First the flowers, then Casablanca, now this? If he did one more sweet, nostalgic thing, her heart very well might just explode out of her body.
"'Course I am," he said, and started eating his cone. "Best way I know how, to get to the real grit of a woman."
Juliet started munching on her cone, thinking. She couldn't deny it had been fun - acting - up until now. But where was he going with this game? He already knew everything there was to know about her.
"But we don't have anything to drink," she offered.
He merely shrugged. "Eat your ice cream, then. We go til they're gone."
She nodded in agreement. They were already almost gone anyway. "Okay. I'll start." She wondered where she should go with this. Was this meant to be silly and playful, or serious and heartfelt? She tried to truly put herself in the mindset of someone on a first date, but it was hard. She hadn't been on one in so long. "Hmm… Never have I ever… eaten food off another person. In bed."
James barked a laugh that startled the couple near them. He didn't even bother apologizing; he just wiped his eyes and swallowed the rest of his laughter. "That's a good one," he answered softly, and took a tiny bite of his cone. "Right out the gate… damn…" He shook his head, still grinning broadly. "Okay then. Never have I ever ruined a holiday meal by cookin' more than I could handle."
She smacked his shoulder again. "Hey! No fair!" she complained, and the couple at the other table stood and left, clearly annoyed. She took a bite, and with her mouth full informed him, "That's cheating, James, and you know it."
He grinned wickedly. "Your turn."
She sighed. "Okay… well, if that's how we're playing it…" She had a thousand responses, but they all involved her, too. She couldn't say hooked up at a party, skinny dipped in the ocean, had sex in the back of a van… Shit, she thought. She wasn't sure what memory to pull from.
But then she remembered. "Never have I ever painted my girlfriend's toenails." She smirked, like she'd won something, but he just ate his ice cream, obliging her.
"Never have I ever fallen in love with my best friend," he said suddenly, causing the playful smile to slide off Juliet's face.
They both took a bite, finishing off their cones. It felt significant somehow. That that was their last question.
"You'll have to tell me that story sometime," she said airily once she swallowed. He nodded, but said nothing in response.
"One last thing of the evenin'... you up for it?"
More? How could there possibly be more? "Sure," she replied, and followed his lead. He led her in the opposite direction of the theater, but perpendicular to the ice cream shop. They walked a few blocks before she realized where they were going. She honestly should have known he'd take her to the beach.
When they arrived, it was practically deserted. They could see people in the distance, enjoying the solitude the dark beach provided, but their little section was uninhabited.
Juliet picked up her sandals in one hand, and followed James down almost to the ocean's edge. It was hard to believe that in the daytime, the water was crystal clear and as blue as the morning sky. Now, it was pitch black, its hue bleeding into the inky night sky above. She could see very few stars out, and just as she'd told James once upon a time while camping on another beach, thousands of miles away - Miami was not the place for stargazing. (It felt like another lifetime ago.)
"Do you do this kind of thing for all your first dates?" she asked him, slipping her hand through his. She couldn't help it.
He looked over at her, his expression impassive. "I did what I had to, to impress 'em," he admitted. She almost couldn't hear him; he'd said it so softly. But she squeezed his hand. She knew what he meant. "But… this is different."
"I'm sure it is," she agreed. "You've changed, I hear."
"Ehh… maybe." He hung his head, suddenly unable to look at her. They found a place to sit and sat with their knees up, side by side. She leaned into him, if only because the breeze coming off the ocean (combined with the ice cream in her belly) was making her cold. "I dunno if I ever told ya, but I used to love the beach."
"Used to?"
He shrugged. "Yeah. Then I lived on one for a while, and it kinda changed my mind a bit." She inhaled deeply through her nose. Remembering.
"That's interesting… I lived on one for a little while too."
"Ya don't say?" he said, but he didn't look at her. She didn't blame him. For a moment, she regretted bringing it up. But then he said something else. "Well, after a little bit'a time, it became my favorite place again. I think I fell in love on a beach. Hard to say. So. Now I only take girls I love to 'em."
"James…" she whispered, and tried angling her head to get him to look at her.
"You're right – kinda heavy for a first date, ain't it?"
She was quiet for a moment. Contemplative. Then she asked, "Can you tell me the story?"
"What story? Of me livin' on the beach? You don't wanna hear that, trust me."
She shook her head and slipped her hand into his. "No, not that one. The one where you fell in love on a beach."
He pursed his lips and ducked his head once more, before lifting it and staring out at the dark ocean. "It's hard to say, really. When it happened. It ain't like one minute I wasn't in love and the next I was. But there's key moments, ya know? That just… stick out." She waited for him to finish, not wanting to break the spell. She wasn't sure she was breathing. "First time, was at this bonfire thing, see? She was just… damn she was gorgeous. I thought I was hung up on this one girl, but then… I realized that night, maybe I wasn't anymore."
Juliet felt her heart slamming in her chest. She remembered that night - how he'd run off after the fireworks started. She had no idea that was when all this started.
Terrified that speaking would make him clam up, she said nothing. He continued. "There were other times after that, ya know, that really made me into this girl. We hooked up, which - probably was a mistake but ya know, that sticks with you. And then she told me she was into me at Christmas but we didn't do nothin' 'bout it til a few weeks later when I finally just confronted her, and got her to agree to go out with me." He finally turned to her and flashed her a devious smile. "Don't know how I managed to swing that."
"Me either," Juliet mumbled, but thankfully James ignored the playful jab.
"But there was this one time… we were celebratin' a friend's birthday, and we were out on the beach, lookin' up at the stars. I told her some stuff, some personal stuff, and she just… she accepted me for who I was, despite everything I'd done, and just… she made me wanna be better. She made me wanna do anything and everything to keep her safe." He sighed. "Maybe I already loved her then, maybe it was just heavy 'like,' but man… nothin' was the same after that day. I just wanted to be worthy of her, ya know?"
Juliet's head spun with his confession. She remembered that night. Jin's birthday. How happy they'd been, snuggled up in their sleeping bags. How safe he'd made her feel.
"That sounds… What a beautiful thing to say, James. She sounds like the luckiest girl in the world, to be loved by you." And it occurred to her then - no matter everything he'd put her through, no matter the jealousy and the drama and the lying and the fighting - she meant every word of that. She was incredibly lucky to be loved by him.
"Yeah, well. Don't think she'd agree if ya told her that."
"James – " Juliet started to argue, but it was as if he could sense it. He didn't want the pretending to end.
"Let's play another game."
"Another one?"
"Yeah. Last one wasn't really workin'; plus, we're outta stuff to eat."
She pursed her lips, wondering if she should continue with this charade or not. She could almost feel him pulling away from her - like he'd said too much, and he knew it. She didn't want him to feel vulnerable, but she was grateful he'd shared that with her.
"Okay. How about Truth or Dare?" she suggested. After all - they'd only have one first date, wouldn't they? She could tell he needed this. For whatever reason, he needed her to understand that he needed this.
He smiled at her and nodded. "I like your style," he agreed. "You go first. Truth or Dare?"
"Truth." She wasn't sure what kind of dares he'd suggest on a chilly public beach, and she didn't want to find out.
He licked his lips and tossed his hair out of his eyes. He seemed to be weighing his options. "Okay." He swallowed. "I told you my story. Now I wanna hear yours."
"Mine?"
"Yeah. Yours. I assume you been in love before?"
Juliet smiled demurely. "I have."
"So - tell me. Pick your favorite fella and tell me how it happened."
Juliet couldn't help herself, she laughed and answered, "Well, he was my boss, and I was his research assistant…"
"Not that one!" he howled, and shoved her playfully to the side. She caught herself from leaning over into the sand, and rocketed back, barrelling into him, laughing hysterically.
"Okay! Okay. I'll be serious. I'll play. So… my favorite… Hmm… well - I'll be honest. He was kind of an asshole. For a while. But I guess… it would seem it started a little later for me, than it did for him. But he's a very loving man, even though he tries to hide it. I… well, I was a little more guarded."
"When'd ya know?" he asked softly, growing serious.
She thought about it. It actually hadn't been something she'd ever considered before. But it was hard to remember a time when she didn't love him. Her love was so all-encompassing, it filled her chest and tainted her memories, making it hard to recall when it 'happened.' "I guess… around Halloween time. It's my favorite time of year and I was just so excited to be doing spooky things. He did them with me, and I started - I don't know - almost craving his presence. He'd been really sweet to me for my birthday, and in the weeks following, I just realized how much I enjoyed being with him. But I think I started seeing him as more sometime around then."
"What about - ya know - when it got more serious?"
She smiled. "Around Christmas time, I'd say. For New Year's Eve we swam out in the ocean at midnight, and it felt… magical. But our first Valentine's Day… that was a wonderful day. He cared so much, you know? About making it nice for me, even though I didn't care much about the holiday. But he tried. And all I'd ever wanted from him was that - I wanted him to care, to try his best, and he did that. He always did that with me. Made every effort to make sure I knew how much he cared about me."
James looked sad, almost wistful. Juliet didn't want to see him like that, so she switched gears. "Anyway, that's my story. Your turn."
"Ya gotta ask the question." Juliet felt a laugh bubble up from her belly. He'd always gotten on her about that.
"Okay. Truth or dare."
James's eyes sparkled. "Truth."
Juliet pulled back, just slightly. She wanted to see the look in his eyes when she asked her next question. "Tell me a secret. Something I don't already know."
"That ain't a question," James argued, but something flashed in his eyes. There was something there. He'd thought of something.
"Okay. Can you tell me a secret, please?"
She felt him go still. His shoulder slumped, and he looked up at the sky and swallowed, as if seeking strength. Almost an entire minute went by before he finally responded, so softly she had to lean in to hear him. "That girl I was tellin' you about? I was gonna ask her to marry me. Had a ring an' everything. Hid it under the floorboards in our house."
Juliet felt her bones ache with how tightly she tensed her body. She began to tremble, and it wasn't from the cold. "You… you what?" she breathed, sucking down quick, rapid breaths. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Surely, he was talking about someone else? Certainly she'd know if he'd hid something in their house? Wouldn't she?
"Yeah… I ordered it a few months before we broke up. Just… couldn't find the right time I guess. Too late now, I s'pose." He looked out at the ocean again, like he couldn't bear to look at her. But that wasn't fair. She needed to see into his eyes, so she reached up and tilted his face. His eyes were sparkling with regret.
"I… I don't know what to say…"
"Nothin' you can say."
An uncomfortable quiet passed between them, stretching out for God only knew how long. Juliet tried and failed, repeatedly, to wrap her mind around what James had told her.
Would that have changed anything? Would she have reacted the way she did, about Kate? Would she have ever left him behind, no matter what he said?
It felt unreal. She half-wondered why he wasn't asking her now. He'd said it was too late; did that mean he didn't want to marry her anymore? But no - a voice inside Juliet's head reminded her: no matter how much fun they'd had tonight, and over the last week, it still didn't erase what he'd done. He must think that, too.
Despite all that, Juliet ached to put him at ease. He looked completely tortured, sitting there, gritting his teeth and staring out at the ocean. She needed him to know she understood. She needed him to realize it wasn't too late for them.
"For the record," she started, and she waited until he was looking at her again before finishing. "If you would have asked her, she would have said yes." Her words seemed to shock him, and she could see the way his spine straightened and his eyes brightened. It made her inexplicably happy to see him not look so defeated. "Maybe someday, you'll get another shot," she offered, and nudged her shoulder playfully against his.
Just because she'd been ready then, didn't mean she was ready now. He seemed to understand.
"Truth or dare," he asked her.
"Truth," she replied confidently.
"Wanna be my girlfriend, Juliet?"
They both knew what the answer was. Once upon a time, she'd agreed to be his girlfriend while sitting on the beach. The irony was not lost on either of them that he was asking her this now, here, once again.
"Absolutely," she agreed, and leaned in close. His face was so close to hers, she could smell the minty ice cream on his breath. "Truth or dare?" she whispered.
"Dare," he responded just as easily as she had.
There was only one dare she could think of. The one she needed, desperately, in this moment and for the rest of her life. "I dare you to kiss me, James."
His mouth was on hers before the shape of his name had even left her lips. His kisses were hot and hard and exploratory, and she met him stroke for stroke. They wove their hands in each other's hair, clawing and pulling at one another like they couldn't get enough. Because they couldn't. Sure, they'd kissed in L.A., but they'd been tinged with something negative - whether that be loss, or regret, or goodbye. Their kiss now encapsulated their desperate need for the other, like they'd die if not for the strength their lips provided the other.
It took several long, aching moments before finally Juliet pulled away. She was shaking with need for him, and it was time to go.
"I love you, James. I love you so much," she said, and gave him the kind of smile James had been dreaming about for months. Despite the low light, her face lit up like it was under a spotlight - like she was a sunrise and a new day was dawning. From her glistening blue eyes to her wide, unfettered smile, she seemed to be lit from within by an incandescent glow, beaming at him and him alone.
For the first time in over two months, Juliet felt a true, radical shift inside her body. It was as if the fault lines of her heartbreak were mending themselves back together. There would always be a scar there, like the cracks in a porcelain vase glued back together, but she no longer felt the large, gaping maw of pain left behind by their break up.
She felt free. Free of pain, free of jealousy, but perhaps most importantly, free of the island and its grasp on her.
Instead of remembering the turmoil and danger, she now only recalled the memories that made up her and James's relationship.
Dancing around their living room. Reading books side by side on the couch. Playing Battleship. Their holiday traditions. Him washing her hair in the shower. Camping under the stars. Sneaking visits to the security office, or him to the motor pool. Lying in bed at night, just staring into each other's eyes.
Everything. Just… everything.
A sob rocketed out of her, making her hiccup. "Take me home," she whispered, and he did. He grabbed her hand and they walked steadfastly back to the car. His hand on hers was like a vice, but it kept her anchored. Because she was certain if she stopped holding his hand, she would float away.
He explained on the ride home that Rachel and Julian were spending the night at Beth's house. He'd arranged for them to have privacy, just in case. He hadn't had any expectations, but it was always good to be prepared. (Worst case scenario, they came home fighting, and he didn't want Rachel to see that, either).
She had the car door opened before he'd even put the car in park. Her hands shook with the effort of putting the keys in the lock of the front door, and it took three tries before she finally got it open.
He was right behind her, and was only just barely able to close the door behind them before her hands were on his chest, pushing him into it. Her kiss was a strange mix of both tender longing and aching desperation. She pulled his head down to hers while simultaneously shoving him hard into the door, gloriously knocking the air from his lungs.
When he put his hands against the backs of her thighs, he leaned forward, allowing her to jump into his arms and wrap her legs around his midsection. She dragged her teeth against his bottom lip and whined, "Take me to bed, James."
He gripped her tightly and walked towards her room, doing his best to avoid the furniture. She kicked off her sandals in the hallway and tossed her jean jacket on the floor. She then wrapped her arms back around his neck, weaving her fingers through his silky hair. She tugged softly, and a low groan escaped his lips.
Everything about this felt right. She was not only letting him back into her bed, but no doubt, after this, he'd be back in her room permanently. In fact, she didn't want to be apart from him ever again.
He kissed her neck and whispered he loved her, over and over and over again. And when they finally made it to her bedroom, and she kicked the door shut behind them, she knew with absolute certainty that this was it. It was going to work this time. Nothing, and no one, would ever stand in their way again. He'd truly saved her, in more ways than one, and for that she would be forever grateful, no matter the cost.
And James, who was lowering her down onto the bed, had his own startling realization. He finally knew the answer to the question he'd asked himself last weekend. He'd wondered if he'd associate her with sunsets and endings forever, but in fact, it was quite the opposite in a way. Now, he'd never be able to look at the sunrise again without thinking of her - of the possibility of new beginnings, even when something had previously ended.
But she was always going to be a representation of finality to him. She was his soulmate, and to him, she was forever. Their love would survive anything. And for once in his life, he felt like he might just be worthy of being her hero after all.
—-
You and me, we've both got sins
And I don't care about where you've been
Don't be sad and don't explain
This is where we start again
Goo Goo Dolls, Come to Me
—-