Disclaimer: I do not own the Scott Pilgrim series or any of the characters mentioned in this story. All original characters and lines belong to Bryan Lee O'Malley. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity to persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental.
A/N: Okay… so here's the next chapter of the wedding story. Obviously, romance and drama are taking precedence, so I apologize if this one isn't QUITE as funny as the others. I promise, we're setting up good stuff. Secondly... my wife had a lot to do with Ramona's wedding vows, so a big thanks to her. And finally, in related news, I've managed to somehow convince Voice4TheMute himself to add a little guest writing to this story before it sees its conclusion. As to the nature of that writing, I'll leave that in the surprise bin, but just trust me… it's pretty cool. :-D So… without further ado… enjoy!
Scott and Ramona's Precious Little Wedding
Chapter 3
Lisa Miller (Status: Ready to continue the story now that she has another bottled water) walked back into the living room where Lily Pilgrim (Status: Can't wait to find out what happened next) still sat on the edge of her couch seat. Lisa handed her one of the water bottles she was carrying and then took her seat.
"Okay… now… where was I?" Lisa said.
"My dad was apparently about to beat down Aunt Knives?" Lily ventured.
"Oh yeah… guess I DID leave on a bit of a cliffhanger, didn't I?" Lisa said with a smile.
"Just a bit," Lily said with an annoyed look.
…
"Wait Sco…" 'Todd' (aka Knives Chau) managed to get out before she had to dodge out of the way of Scott's haymaker. Unfortunately, he continued the attack, and so she had to continue dodging.
"It's US you dolt!" 'Lucas' (aka Kim Pine) yelled, throwing her hands up in exasperation (Kim Pine Note: This is officially the worst party ever).
Scott wasn't paying attention to anything. He was in full attack mode, once again fighting for the love of his life, Ramona Flowers. He spun around and tried to deliver a back kick to 'Todd,' but she was more agile than the real ex ever could have been, ducking underneath and spinning around to Scott's back.
"Scott… it's me!" she yelled, trying to pull the wig off of her head (Knives Chau Note: What the hell is holding this on? Super glue?).
"Scott… stop it!" Ramona yelled from across the room.
He was in the zone though. Scott quickly turned and tried to deliver a roundhouse kick, but 'Todd' bent over backwards, effectively dodging the kick. It left her open though, and Scott grabbed her by the shirt and threw her. She rolled to the ground and bounced up.
"Guys… stop this right now!" 'Roxie' (aka Lisa Miller) said as she stepped in between Scott and 'Todd.'
Scott didn't miss a beat. He started swinging wildly at 'Roxie,' who blocked the first few punches he tried to deliver. Then, using his momentum against him, she quickly ducked underneath and arm and delivered a judo throw, taking Scott down and, at least for a moment, ending the threat.
…
"Aunt Lisa… you're doing it again," Lily said.
"Doing what?" Lisa asked innocently.
Lily arched an eyebrow at her aunt. "Judo? You know judo?"
Lisa avoided Lisa's glance. "Okay… okay…"
…
Scott didn't miss a beat. He started swinging wildly at 'Roxie,' who immediately screamed and began backing away, barely staying out of the way of his punches. Finally, 'Roxie' stopped short and put her hands out, trying to ward Scott away, but he simply grabbed her arm and whipped her around, sending her stumbling into the lone 'Katayanagi,' (aka Julie Powers) causing both to tumble to the floor.
'Roxie' looked down at the woman who had broken her fall. "Thank so much!"
"Get the XXXX off of me!" the 'Katayanagi' yelled as she shoved 'Roxie' off of her. (Lisa Miller Note: Really… I'm starting to get tired of these quotes… I might just have to start calling them by their real names)
Meanwhile, back in the fight, Scott was once again trying to fight with Knives, who was staying just one step ahead of him. Suddenly, 'Matthew' (aka Stacey Pilgrim) jumped on Scott's back, holding on for dear life.
"Wait little brother! It's us!" she yelled.
"You're no brother of mine, Patel!" Scott yelled as he swung around. Stacey lost her grip and tumbled to the floor. Scott prepared to finish her off with a punch when out of nowhere, Neil Nordegraf jumped to the rescue and tackled him to the ground! Scott struggled as Neil tried to calm him down.
"Dude! It's not the exes… it's the girls!"
"I know they're girls, but they're here to break me and Ramona up!" Scott yelled.
"No… I mean they're THE girls!" Neil answered.
Scott stopped for a moment, confused. Then he saw. Knives finally managed to get her blonde wig off, revealing her trademark black bob. Lisa had pulled down her pigtails, revealing herself.
"But… but…" Scott stammered.
Convinced he was calmed down, Neil got up and helped Scott to his feet. Ramona walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. Despite the horrifying danger everyone had just been in, she couldn't help but giggle.
"Honey… I'm glad you're STILL willing to fight for me and all, but you defeated the exes. We're never gonna have to deal with that again," she said.
"But… isn't this distasteful?" Scott said as he looked around.
"Smartest thing you've said all night," Kim replied. Then, she took her skateboard and smacked it across Scott's back. He yelped. "THAT'S for being an idiot though," she snarled as she started to walk out.
"Don't forget we need to be there early tomorrow!" Ramona yelled after her.
"Yeah yeah yeah…" Kim answered as Lisa followed after her (Lisa Miller Note: Couldn't exactly let my ride leave without me…).
Ramona turned to Scott. "You know… it's almost midnight."
"Yeah?" Scott seemed puzzled.
"So… it's bad luck to see the bride on your wedding day," Ramona teased.
"I guess I should be going then?" Scott said.
"Yeah," Ramona answered. "And tomorrow… don't be late."
…
The next day was a whirlwind of activity, as all weddings are. The girls spent most of the day making sure they'd look their best. The guys… well… they got to sleep late (Kim Pine Note: Lucky XXXXXXXX…).
Kim and Lisa sat in the bridal suite, waiting for Ramona and Stacey. It was very pleasantly decorated. Two couches faced each other on opposite sides of the room, with plenty of room for everyone to move around. Kim glanced at the wedding dress, which Ramona would be wearing in a few short hours, draped over a chair at the edge of the room.
"You okay, Kim?" Lisa asked.
Kim scoffed. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You know why," Lisa answered.
"I thought we weren't going to talk about that," Kim threatened.
Lisa frowned. "The more I think about it, the more I think we shouldn't just keep this secret forever. We HAVE to tell her. Otherwise, we're being even more dishonest than we would have been before."
Kim shook her head. "I'm not going to be the one to ruin this day. I owe that to Ramona."
Just then, Ramona walked into the room, struggling with what looked like a giant shopping bag. "You don't owe me anything Kim… and you're not going to ruin today. Nothing will," she grunted as she pulled the bag into the room.
Kim's mouth was open, but no sound was coming out, and she was turning a deep shade of red. Lisa immediately changed the subject, certain that Ramona had only heard the last part.
"Hey Ramona. You ready for today?" she asked.
"I'm ready for it to be over," Ramona sighed. "Who knew this stuff was so stressful?"
"From what I can tell, only the people who've done it already," Kim found her voice. "It's just that no bride-to-be wants to listen. No offense or anything."
"So what's in the bag?" Lisa asked, trying to switch topics... and maybe eying the bag a little. (Lisa Miller Note: Hey… I know a shopping bag when I see it)
"This?" Ramona gestured to the bag with a smile. "It's my gift to you guys, but we can't look at them until Stacey gets here."
…
Scott Pilgrim (Status: Mere hours from being married… getting freakier) slowly woke up. He could barely make out the sound of a phone ringing. He groggily searched for the source of the ringing, but couldn't find it without getting out of bed. He waddled out to the living room, where the phone was sitting on the small table that used to be Kim's nightstand.
"Hello?" he mumbled as he flipped the phone open.
"Scott Pilgrim… I'm on my way to the church, and you had better be too, unless you want to be late for your own wedding day!" Stacey Pilgrim (Still the more together Pilgrim child… because we don't talk about Lawrence) said.
"Church… wedding…" Scott continued to mumble.
There was the sound of the phone being passed to someone else. "SCOTT XXXXXX PILGRIM! I did NOT spend hours on my hair just to sit there for an hour. You get your XXX to the church RIGHT NOW!" Julie Powers (Status: Even angry on the day of a wedding… she'll probably be angry on her OWN wedding day) yelled.
Scott's eyes shot open (Lisa Miller Note: Julie's voice will do that to you)(Julie Powers Note: Just be glad I said something. I'm the lone reason those two ended up together!). He quickly threw on some clothes and started the long run to the church.
…
Stacey walked into the bridal suite, apparently having rushed down the hallway. "Am I late?" She looked around in confusion at Kim and Lisa, who still weren't in their dresses. "What are you guys doing?"
Kim smirked. "Let me guess… Scott told you when the wedding was."
"Yeah?" Stacey answered.
"We told him it was at 2, because we figured he'd be late. It's not until 4," Lisa said.
Stacey was about to grumble, but then Ramona stepped in through the other door. "Good… now we're all here, so I have something for all of you," she smiled as she walked over to the bag. She pulled out three bags, each with a star, but they were all different colors. The red one she handed to Kim, blue to Lisa, and green to Stacey.
"A purse with a star on it?" Lisa asked. "Well… I guess it'll be fun to coordinate outfits to match this."
"It's a subspace bag," Ramona explained. "You can put anything in there, and as the tag says, its capacity is unknown. I pretty much crammed everything I owned into my last one and still had space."
"Cool," Stacey said. "How does it work?"
"Basically, everything you put into it ends up in subspace, and you can take it out whenever you need it," Ramona said.
Blank stares from everyone in the room.
"You never know when you'll need something like that," Ramona continued. "It's just my way of thanking you guys. I never thought this day would even happen, let alone with someone as great as Scott, and I know all of you not only had something to do with getting me and him together and keeping us that way, but also in making him into the man he is today. I wanted to thank you all for that."
"Thanks Rammy," Kim said with a barely perceptible wince. Everyone else in the room nodded their agreement.
…
Wallace Wells (Status: Looking good in a tuxedo… not as good as he does without pants, but this is the best you can look with pants on) paced around in the foyer of the church with Neil Nordegraf and Stephen Stills (Wallace Wells Note: Also wearing tuxedos, but they don't look as good…)(Lisa Miller Note: I thought they looked great).
Suddenly, Scott Pilgrim burst into the room. He looked like he'd been running for hours. Wallace immediately grabbed him and started dragging him to the changing rooms.
"Glad to see you're finally here, Scott… now… you've got 10 minutes to get dressed," he said as he pulled Scott down the hallway.
"Wait… I have to do something," Scott said as he stopped.
"More important than getting married?" Wallace asked.
"I think so," Scott said. As Neil and Stephen Stills caught up with them, he cleared his throat. "I just wanted to say… thank you. You guys helped me at every turn to get to this point, and I hope you'll accept these tokens as my personal thanks to each of you." Scott then took a few small objects out of his pockets and handed one to each of his groomsmen. To Stephen Stills, he handed a guitar pick. To Neil, he gave a couch with the face of a dog. And to Wallace, a crinkled piece of paper with a phone number on it (Lisa Miller Note: Wait a minute…).
Stephen Stills looked at the guitar pick. "You just gave us the random crap you had in your pocket, didn't you?"
Scott smiled sheepishly. "Yeah…"
"Nice. Very nice," Wallace said with a hint of sarcasm. "Now get dressed!"
…
Scott ran down the aisle, passing rows of confused guests. The groomsmen and bridesmaids were already in place at the front of the church, white flowers all around them. Kim rolled her eyes as Scott jumped up on the stage and began straightening his tuxedo.
"I should have known, if anyone could be late when they were told to be here 2 hours early, it would be Scott Pilgrim," she muttered to Lisa, who was standing beside her.
Just a few seconds later, the bridal march started and the guests stood. Scott tried to see around the people to the back of the church, but found that even with his elevated position, he couldn't see through them. He saw the photographer… umm… he still couldn't remember his name, but he saw the photographer rush forward to take pictures. He could see Knives Chau sitting a few rows back, next to a handsome young man. Scott idly wondered who he was. Then, he looked at the people standing up at the front with him. His best man, Wallace Wells, flanked by his groomsmen Neil and Stephen. Across the stage, Kim Pine stood, looking slightly uncomfortable. To her right were Lisa Miller and Stacey, his sister.
Then, Wallace cleared his throat, trying to refocus Scott's attention elsewhere. Scott turned back to the crowd and froze as he saw Ramona.
She was absolutely beautiful (Kim Pine Note: Not something she ever had much difficulty with, I'd say), wearing a flowing white dress with a veil perched atop her pink hair (Ramona Flowers Note: In honor of the color it was when Scott and I met). Her bouquet of flowers matched the shade of her hair. As she reached the stage and started to walk up the small steps, her father held her arm and helped her up. After situating herself, she handed her bouquet to Kim. Scott was still mesmorized when she smiled at him.
"Stare much?" she teased.
Scott couldn't answer, but luckily he didn't have to immediately, as the preacher, an older man dressed in black, began.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers in holy matrimony. If any man or woman should show just cause that they should not be joined, let them speak now or forever hold their peace," the preacher said.
Scott closed his eyes. In his mind, he could see 7 people having a distinct problem with this, but luckily, they weren't there. Instead, there was only silence before the preacher continued.
"Who gives this woman to be married?" the preacher inquired.
Ramona's father stepped up behind her. "I do," he said.
The preacher nodded his head as Ramona's father took her hand and placed it in Scott's hands. He then gave a small wink to Scott before walking back to his seat.
The preacher then addressed the small crowd. "Now… Scott and Ramona have requested to use their own written vows," he stated. Then he motioned for Ramona to begin.
…
Abruptly, Lisa got up from her seat and walked over to the dining room table. Lily rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"Again? Seriously, I think you could give a camel a run for its money with the water intake," Lily said.
"No… need tissue. You might too. The next few parts are kind of emotional," Lisa replied as she picked up a box of tissues and walked back to her seat. She handed a few to Lily.
…
"Scott," Ramona began, "when you came up to me at that party, I thought you were a dork. And when you ordered a box of CD's from my work with the sole intention of asking me out… I thought you were a stalker. But I'm glad I didn't keep thinking that. I mean… I did, a little. You're still a dork," she added with a smile. "But you're also caring, and compassionate, and all sorts of other things that I'd have never thought I wanted, and yet… I do. You fought for me and no one had ever done that before. You accepted me with all of my baggage, even when all I wanted to do was run away from you. And because of that… I don't want to run anymore. I want to be with you forever. That's why I'm here today… to be with you forever."
A few of the girls in the church sighed. The preacher then turned to Scott, who was still finding talking to be a difficult thing to do.
"Ramona… I…" he stammered. "I love you. I think I always have, ever since you skated through my dreams for the first time. And if I hadn't loved you, I don't think I could have done everything I did, and fought the exes. It was that love for you that got me through. And when you left… I learned that I don't want to live without you. It sucks. So… I know I've done all sorts of dumb stuff…" he said. Like sleeping with Kim a few weeks ago and sleeping with Lisa back when we were fighting the exes.
Ramona's face dropped. Kim and Lisa both looked at Scott with shocked faces, Kim more angry of the two. Scott seemed oblivious though, even to the silence that had come over the crowd.
"But you… you make me feel like I don't want to DO the dumb stuff anymore. I actually… want… to grow up for you," Scott continued. "I love you."
Then… silence. Ramona let her hands drop out of Scott's. "Good to know," she mumbled, looking at the floor.
Scott finally noticed something was up. He looked around the room at the horrified looks on the guest's faces. He glanced back to Kim, who looked like she was 2 seconds away from murdering him. Then Lisa, who looked hurt. Stacey, who was disapproving. Finally, he looked back at Ramona.
"Rammy?" he started.
"No," Ramona said, her voice uneven. "No more. That's the only thing… the ONLY thing… that could have changed this."
Then, with a rush, Ramona turned and ran down the stairs, up the aisle and out of the back doors of the church.
Scott looked around nervously. There were a lot of angry faces in the crowd now. He smiled nervously and seemed to be looking everywhere for some kind of help. "So… on to the reception?"
…
"My family really ISN'T good at that inner monologue stuff, huh?" Lily said, a look of embarrassment on her face.
"To say the least," Lisa agreed.
"But… if that's how the story ends… how am I here?" Lily asked, seemingly worried.
"Oh… don't worry… that isn't the end of the story. But as you can see, I'm out of water again, so it'll have to hold you for a minute while I go get more," Lisa said as she stood up, gesturing to her empty bottle.
"Seriously, I think you may actually drink too MUCH water," Lily remarked.
"Only when I'm remembering stressful things," Lisa answered.
…
The cat's out of the bag, due to Scott's lack of inner monologue ability (Kim Pine Note: Just great…). So… what happens next in the story of Scott and Ramona? Will they ever get married? (Lily Pilgrim Note: I certainly hope so… I like to think Mom is actually… you know… Mom) Stay tuned for the next part of our story!