II.

I leaned against a column in the Chantry courtyard as I waited for the fellow and his two friends. I had previously watched Karl go in there and after wait an agonizing amount of time, I was starting to doubt that they were even coming. Was it foolish of me to think someone would even help me? Yes. I huffed, my face turning into a scowl. Why don't you just go ahead and see Karl? You do not want to keep him waiting for some unnecessary help. Deciding to agree with Justice, I clenched my staff tight and pushed myself away from the column and neared the entrance. As I was about to enter, I could hear muffled voices.

"—don't make my guards fight gangs in dark corners, but if you'd like to help, Hawke—"

"Shhht, Aveline. We're here. We'll save this conversation for later."

"Look, they're here. I knew they'd come. They want those maps, Justice," I muttered softly to myself. The leader's two companions was replaced by a femme: she had a strong build and red hair. She wore the guard uniform. I winced as I felt Justice flare a bit. They betrayed you! They brought a guard to arrest you—get out of here now! I attempted to inch out of sight but was too late; the leader had spotted me and waved, climbing the stairs with unexpected exuberance.

"Hope we didn't keep you waiting too long," he murmured in a low voice when he was in earshot. He smiled. "Anyway, ready to go?"

I felt irritated, though I noticed this was becoming increasingly common for me. First, he keeps me waiting—though that might be my fault because I was rather vague when I said 'meet me tonight'—but now he brought a guard along and was acting like nothing was wrong? My eyes flickered towards the guardswoman. "Who is she?"

He seemed rather confused. "That's Aveline," he responded.

I pursed my lips together into a thin line. "I don't mean that. Why did you bring a guard?"

He furrowed his eyebrows together. "Bethany was a tad too nervous and Varric said he couldn't make it." He motioned towards Aveline. "She's not a Templar. She won't throw you in the Gallows, if that's what you're worried about," he said, his tone serious.

I shook my head. "Whatever. Let's just get going. We can't afford to keep Karl waiting any longer. Oh, and I'll do the talking. Just make sure no Templars sneak up on us." I sucked in air and slipped inside the Chantry with the three following close behind. I turned around and glared at Hawke, quickly emphasizing already spoken words, "When we find Karl, just let me talk to him." He quickly nodded and we went on walking.

I rarely visited the Chantry. I saw few reasons to. After all, the Chantry and the Templars were closely linked and well, being an apostate… I'm sure they would not enjoy my presence. The seldom times I did come here though, I found it always to be rather quiet. Every word would bounce off the walls, giving a nice echo. On this night, it was much the same, but the atmosphere felt tenser. More uncanny. The tall walls loomed over us; their tall shadows cast from the highly place windows. Our shadows seemed to join in the mockery as they eerily stretched and twisted behind us. I felt a shiver creep down my spine but I tried my best to ignore it.

The three of us climbed the steps in absolute silence. I neared the right wing of the Chantry and felt my heart flutter. He stood with his back to me and his gaze fixed on something in front of him. My pace quickened and I reached out my hand to touch his shoulder tenderly, a motion I had often used for him alone.

"Anders, I know you too well. I knew you would never give up." The words came out flat and monotone. I felt my lips mouth his name but no sound came out; my throat was growing tight as my mind came to the conclusion that the impossible had happened.

Anders. Justice's prodding nature drew me out of my trance. I ran my tongue over my dry lips and exhaled a shaky breath. "What's wrong? Why are you talking like—" I began to say, my voice getting thick with emotion. I already knew the answer, but I didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be true. My hand gripped tighter on his shoulder, forcefully pulling him to face me.

Karl made no restraint as his body simply twisted with ease in my grip. His steel eyes gazed into mine but there was nothing in them. No life. Just… Nothing. My brown eyes broke away from his eyes to gawk at his forehead. Branded on it was the picture of the sun, the Chantry, the mage's symbol for Tranquil. Words poured out of his mouth but they were still as void of emotion as before. "I was too rebellious. Like you. The Templars knew I had to be… Made an example of."

"No!" I exclaimed. It was the only thing I could utter as I felt tears well up in my eyes and a tingling feeling come about my throat.

"How else will mages ever master themselves? You'll understand, Anders. As soon as the Templars teach you to control yourself. This is the apostate," Karl said.

I could hear Hawke cough softly, murmuring something along the lines of there being Templars, but it meant nothing to me. I let Karl down. I failed him. The only thing that caused me joy in my life had suffered because of me. I could help refugees live a slightly longer life, but when it truly mattered to me, I couldn't do it. 'Karl, I'm sorry!' I wanted to call out so miserably. I wanted to throw myself at his feet and kiss his toes softly and whisper sweet memories and tell him it would be okay but… Even I couldn't do that. I was ready to resign. To throw myself on a blade and let myself die. Or perhaps just catch myself on fire! That would be more honorable than allowing people believe I allowed a Templar to strike me down. I was sure I had enough mana to do even something as simple as that.

But of course, Justice wouldn't allow it. I could hear, no, feel him, practically screaming at me. Telling me no, I couldn't do this. This wouldn't help any mage. If I just died now, mages would continue to be mistreated. I felt every fiber of him forcing me to let him have control and I gave up the fight. I let him have it. I was too tired, too defeated. I felt my eyes burn as the sensation of pure light was being radiated from them. And then—nothing. It was a gap in my memory, like every time this happened.

When Justice was satisfied—When I came to my senses, I could see Templars' corpses strewn across the floor. My staff's blade was completely crimson and glancing at my clothing, I could see there was blood splattered on that as well. I felt myself gagging. I would never get used to this.

"I—"

It was Karl's voice. I spun around, my expression sympathetic.

"Anders, what did you do?" His eyebrows were furrowed. I inhaled and swiftly moved up to him, clenching his hands in mine. His eyes seemed to twinkle slightly as he continued talking. "It's like… You brought a piece of the Fade into this world. I had already forgotten what it feels like."

"What did you do? Not the Fade part—the angry glowing bit," I heard Hawke say. He seemed to be trying to put some light-hearted humor in this situation. Instead of saying anything to him, I ignored him, keeping my eyes on Karl.

"It's like a gateway to the Fade inside you. Glowing like a beacon."

"I have some… Unique circumstances, yes," I said, dropping my voice to a whisper. "But Karl, what happened? How did they get you?" I clung to his hands desperately, feeling my mind flashback to the grandmother and her grandson earlier today. So is this how she felt? So desperate? If she were to let go, he would cease to be?

The corner of Karl's mouth tugged down into a frown. "The Templars here are far more vigilant than in Ferelden. They found a letter I was writing you…" He paused, shakily adding in, "You cannot imagine it, Anders. All the color, all the music in the world, gone."

I let go of his hands and instead wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him into a tight embrace. He eased up, slowly wrapping his arms around my neck and resting his head on my shoulder. I tilted my head towards him, softly cooing a "shh" sound into his ear.

Karl's lips brushed my neck gently. His voice came soft and sweet, comforting and soothing like during our many escapades at the Ferelden Circle. "I would gladly give up my magic, but this? I will never be whole again." I felt his face bury deeper into my neck and it suddenly felt wet. Was Karl crying? "Please, Anders, I beg you. Kill me! Before I forget again! I don't know how you brought it back, but it's fading…" He pulled back, staring into my eyes.

Normally, I would only recall seeing his devoted love for me, but now, all there was left was fear and brokenness. He wiped his swollen eyes with his sleeve but kept staring at me. He did not need to utter any more words because his expression said it all. "Karl, no…" I whispered.

"Maybe we can find a cure," Hawke meekly said, reminding me once more that I had brought companions along this mission.

Impossible, Justice bluntly said in my mind. I, of course, didn't need him telling me that. I glanced over to Hawke and replied, "Can you cure a beheading? The dreams of Tranquil mages are severed—there is nothing left of them to fix."

"I would rather die a mage than live as a Templar puppet," Karl whispered.

"My sister calls being Tranquil a fate worse than death. You should…Give him peace," Hawke added in, his tone sympathetic.

I felt the crying sensation well back up again as I gazed into Karl's eyes. "I got here too late. I'm sorry, Karl. I'm so sorry." I gazed at him one last time as I rethought of our times together. I cupped his cheek in my hand and started to lean forward to give him one last kiss.

His eyes widened slightly. "Now! It's fading… Why do you look at me like that?" His tone had regained its flatness.

We never had that kiss. I ended his life with no struggle, just a soft gasp as quickly turned on my heels, fleeing away from the body. Away from the man I loved. I could hear Justice's voice. You've learned why you can't wait too long. Many other mages will suffer the same fate if you dawdle around and don't take initiative. Now you've learned, yes? He went for a while before adding in a hurried statement. But it isn't your fault, Anders. There was nothing you could do to prevent this from occurring.

I ignored Hawke and Aveline as they called out my name, confused. I quickly returned to my clinic and locked it up and laid on the examination table, but knew that sleep would not fancy me tonight.