Hello! Sorry it took so long to upload this chapter. I was extremely busy, and I went on vacation. I told you I have a life! Jeez! Anyway, here's the latest installment of Harold's life. Join him as he learns about Quippish, attends more classes, and does crazy things on Halloween. Disclaimers: I do not own Cheerios (well, actually, there's some in my house right now, but I dont own the Cheerios in the story), the Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand, Woody's teaching skills, the spell to make objects fly, Professor Dunderbore's theories about the floor, and Shrek's new personality. READ!
Chapter 10: Halloween at Pigzits
Snalfoy was shocked when he saw that Harold and Don were still at Pigzits the next day, looking exhausted but cheerful. Harold and Don had gotten over the shock and horrors of the previous night, and couldn't wait to have another adventure. Harold told Don about the mysterious package that seemed to move from Stringotts to Pigzits, and they spent lots of time betting on what would need so much protection. Since they didn't want to bet with money, they used Cheerios.
"I bet it's valuable or dangerous," said Don, pushing a small pile of Cheerios between him and Harold.
"Oh, yeah?" said Harold. "Well, I bet it's both!" And he poured out the rest of the Cheerios in the box and shoved the mound in front of Don.
Sadly, there was no clear victor, as they couldn't figure out what the object was without more clues.
Heidi and Nelson didn't care in the slightest what was under the trapdoor. All Nelson wanted to do was never go near the three headed cat again.
Heidi was now refusing to talk to Harold and Don, but she was such a bossy teacher's pet that they saw this as an additional benefit. All they wanted now was a way to get back at Snalfoy. And this way arrived in the mail about a week later.
As the owls flew into the Great Dining Room with their letters, almost everyone's attention was caught by a long, thin package, carried by six big screech owls. Harold watched it with interest, and was astonished when the owls dropped it into his plate of waffles. Another owl dropped a letter in his orange juice. Harold fished it out, shook off the clinging beverage, ripped open the envelope, and read:
DO NOT OPEN THIS PACKAGE AT THE TABLE!
Inside is your new Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand, and if you open it here, all the other students will see it, and Professor Dunderbore and I will get pulsing headaches if they all come whining to us because they didn't get one, too. So please do us a favor and open it in your dormitory. Olive Woody will meet you on the Quippish field at seven o' clock tonight for your first training session.
Professor M. McGummable
"YAHOOOOOO!" cried Harold, jumping up and down in his seat.
"What? What happened?" asked Don, bewildered. Harold gave him the letter. His eyes grew round as he read what it said.
"You got a Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand?" he breathed. "Lucky! I've never even touched one! Can I touch it up in the dormitory? Please?"
"Of course you can!" said Harold. "Come on, let's go now."
They hurried out of the Great Dining Room. They hadn't even made it halfway up the marble staircase when they found their way barred by Snalfoy, Krabby, and Boyle. Snalfoy yanked the package out of Harold's hands and felt it.
"That's a broomstick," he snapped, shoving the package back in Harold's arms.
"Well, no duh," said Harold. "You're pretty smart."
"I'll bet you'll get in trouble," Snalfoy snarled. "First years can't have broomsticks, don't you know the rules?"
"How many Cheerios?" asked Don, pulling handfuls out of his pocket. "I'll bet you all the ones I have he doesn't!"
Snalfoy stared at him.
"Hello, boys! You're not fighting, right?" said a voice. Professor Fitflick was coming up the staircase.
"Professor! Plodder got a broomstick!" Snalfoy blurted out.
"I can see that, Snalfoy," said Professor Fitflick. "Professor McGummable told me all about the special circumstances with you, Plodder. What model is it, again?"
"A Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand," said Harold, grinning broadly at the stunned look on Snalfoy's face. "And I'd like to thank you, Snalfoy," he said, facing him again. "Without you, I never would have got it." Without another word, he and Don strutted up the staircase, trying to hold in their laughter at Snalfoy's look of fury and confusion.
"It's true," said Harold, once they were out of earshot. "If Snalfoy hadn't stolen Nelson's You-Forgot-Reminder-Ball, I wouldn't have earned a spot on the team!"
"So now you think that this is a reward for violating the rules?" snapped a voice. Heidi was stomping up the stairs behind him, glaring at the package in Harold's hands.
"I thought you weren't talking to us!" said Harold.
"Yeah!" exclaimed Don. "Please don't stop now, we haven't had so much peace and quiet in ages!"
"Huh!" huffed Heidi. She pushed past them and marched away.
With no teachers or tattling students in sight, Harold and Don were able to run the rest of the way to Diffindor Tower. They raced up the stairs and into their dormitory, where Harold put the package on his bed and unwrapped it at last.
"Oh my God," whispered Don, as the broomstick rolled out of its wrappings.
Though Harold knew nothing about broomsticks, he knew that it looked magnificent. The handle was sleek and shiny, made of mahogany. It had a tail of straight, orderly twigs, and the words Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand were written in gold near the top.
"This is so not fair!" wailed Don. "Why can't I have a Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand?"
"Because you didn't score enough points with certain women," said Harold slyly. Don stared at him, horrified.
"Dude, that is so wrong in so many different ways," he groaned.
At quarter of seven, Harold carried the broomstick down the marble staircase and out onto the grounds. He had never seen the Quippish field before, and it was a magnificent sight. Hundreds of seats were raised in stands circling the perimeter of the field, high enough so the spectators could see all the action. Located at each end of the field were three tall poles with hoops on the end. For a moment Harold thought that they looked like the little plastic things that kids blew bubbles out of, except these hoops were no less than fifty feet high, and the plastic bubble sticks were about five inches high.
Harold didn't want to wait for Woody. He mounted his broom, kicked off from the ground, and rocketed high up in the air. His stomach dropped the higher and faster he went, but he didn't care. This broomstick seemed to read his mind as he flew, shooting off in any direction with the slightest touch. Harold whipped past the stands, then dived down, skimming the grass with the tips of his toes, then raced back up again and swirled through the goalposts and around their stands.
"Plodder! Hey! PLODDER!" yelled a voice. "Come down here!"
Harold, who was rocketing straight up into the clouds, just managed to hear him. He pulled back on his broom handle so hard that he flipped upside down and began to shoot backwards towards the ground. Faster and faster he went, cheering with joy. At the last second he pushed up on the handle and the Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand leveled out, his hair dragging through the grass, until it halted in midair. He let go and dropped to the ground. Fortunately, he only fell a couple inches. Unfortunately, he fell into a puddle of mud. SPLAT!
"ICK!" he cried, jumping up again.
"That was awesome!" howled Woody. "Where the hell did you learn how to fly like that? Isn't this only the second time you've ever flown a broom?"
"Yep," said Harold, trying to brush the mud off of himself.
Woody stared at him hungrily. He shook his head and said, "Wow. Okay. I'm going to teach you everything there is to know about Quippish. You ready?"
"I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready, ready, ready!" cried Harold, running in place. Woody stared at him again, this time with confusion.
"What?" said Harold. "It's from SpongeBob!"
"Who's SpongeBob?" said Woody curiously.
"Never mind," said Harold.
"Okay," said Woody, opening the crate at his feet that Harold hadn't seen before. "Are you ready?"
"I'm re - yes," said Harold. Woody nodded, sucking in a deep breath.
"There-are-seven-players-on-each-Quippish-team-three-Shooters-one-Blocker-two-Pounders-and-one-Looker-Shooters-take-a-ball-called-the-Quaddle-and-throw-it-into-one-of-those-hoops-the-Blocker-tries-to-stop-the-other-team's-Shooters-the-Pounders-have-bats-they-hit-balls-called-Spludgers-at-the-other-team's-players-and-the-Looker-has-to-avoid-all-the-chaos-and-search-for-the-Golden-Squish-whoever-team's-Looker-catches-the-Squish-first-earns-their-team-an-extra-one-thousand-five-hundred-points-and-the-game-ends-and-that-team-almost-always-wins!" He doubled over with his hand on his chest, gasping for air. After a few moments he straightened up again, smiling pleasantly. "Any questions?"
Harold's mind reeled. "Uh -"
"Great! I knew you'd have no trouble understanding!" said Woody happily. "Now we're going to do some practice. Get back in the air, and catch everything you see!"
Harold, still feeling dizzy with all the new information, zoomed back into the middle of the stadium. Woody took out a bag of golf balls and started chucking them all over the place. Harold raced up and down, left and right, catching every single one. Woody was ecstatic. He called Harold back to the ground and they piled the golf balls back into the bag.
"We're gonna win that Quippish Cup this year!" he cried. "You're a great Looker, Harold!"
Two more months passed. Harold couldn't believe it. Maybe it was because of having Quippish practices three days a week along with piles of homework every night. Pigzits felt more like his home than Pickle Drive ever had. Now that they had covered all the basics in his lessons, they were becoming more and more interesting.
When Harold and Don woke up to the smell of pumpkin pie, they couldn't wait to get to their Charms class. Professor Fitflick had announced that the students were ready to make objects fly. Everyone had been dying to try it ever since he had made Heidi's wand zoom around the classroom while she chased after it, screaming, "STOP IT! STOP IT! GIVE IT BACK!" When they were all settled in their seats, he paired them up for practice. Sean Shimmigan was Harold's partner, which was a good thing, because Nelson had been trying to get to Harold before anyone else. Fortunately, Sean was right next to him, so he grabbed him instead. However, Don was paired with Heidi Grace, and Harold could tell they were both extremely pissed about it.
"Make sure you do that cute little wrist movement we've been practicing!" squeaked Professor Fitflick. "Bounce three times, swirl your wand in the air, and jab! And for God's sake, say the words right, will you? If you don't - well, bad things will happen."
It wasn't as exciting as Harold expected. No matter how many times he and Sean bounced, swirled, jabbed, and said the magic words, the stupid feather stayed on the desk. Sean ended up getting so pissed off that he banged his wand on the feather and accidentally set it on fire. Harold had to blow on it for ten minutes while Sean screamed and ran to the other end of the room.
Don didn't seem to be having any good fortune either.
"Flutterbee Hoveree!" he yelled. His wrist movements looked like ones a conductor might use.
"Oh my God," groaned Heidi. "Stop it right now! You're embarrassing me! You're putting stress on the wrong syllables. It's Flutter-bee Hov-eree, not Flut-ter-bee Hov-er-ee! Jeez!"
"Well, sor-ree," snapped Don. "Fine. You do it then, smarty pants."
Heidi cracked her knuckles, bounced her wrist three times, swirled the wand, and jabbed it at the feather, saying, "Flutterbee Hoveree!"
The feather shot straight up towards the ceiling and stuck there. Professor Fitflick let out a whoop.
"Wow! That was great, Miss Grace!" he cried. "Was everyone watching that? Notice that some spells are influenced by the caster's - uh - moods," he added, glancing up at the feather. It was still stuck to the ceiling.
Don was in a bad mood by the end of the class.
"No wonder no one can stand her!" he yelled angrily as they made their way to their next class. "She's a bushy-haired, bucktoothed, long-nosed teacher's pet!"
Someone pushed passed Harold so fast he was knocked into the wall. It was Heidi. Harold was stunned to see tears running down her face.
"Don, you idiot!" he hissed. "I'll bet she heard you!"
"Ooh, another bet!" said Don, shoving his hands into his pockets. "How many Cheerios?"
Harold socked him in the stomach.
Heidi didn't come to the next class and wasn't seen all afternoon. While Harold and Don walked down to the Great Dining Room for the Halloween Feast, they eavesdropped on Penelope McGill telling her friend Lily that Heidi was crying in the girls bathroom, and threw wads of toilet paper soaked with her tears at anyone who dared to disturb her. Don was actually looking like he felt bad at this, but they stopped thinking about Heidi once they entered the Dining Room.
Hundreds of real live bats were fluttering around the room, occasionally swooping low over the tables and making all the girls (and some of the guys) scream. Colossal spider webs were stretched out across the windows, and the spiders inside them were swinging on their silk threads like it was a trapeze. Harold and Don sat down at the table, looking at the flickering jack-o-lanterns, when the food appeared. They all dug in.
They hadn't even finished the main course when Professor Quiddle came sprinting into the room, his arms flailing like windmills and his robes hanging off of one shoulder. When he reached the High Table, he crashed into it in front of Professor Dunderbore. The room fell silent as he spoke. "Ogre - in the dungeon - it looks like - looks like -" his eyes rolled, and he fainted.
There was an explosion of noise in the room. The younger kids were crying, the girls were screaming, Snalfoy was howling, "MOMMY!" while several Hisserins stared at him in astonishment. Even the sixth and seventh years looks terrified. Harold looked up at the High Table just in time to see Dunderbore conjuring an electric guitar out of thin air. He held it up against him, raised his arm, and strummed it with so much force that the glasses, plates, and silverware shook from the vibration of the sound.
Everyone howled and put their hands over their ears, looking up at Dunderbore. The room fell silent. Dunderbore grinned, slamming the guitar on the table with a loud clunk.
"Listen up, peeps!" he said loudly. "All prefects will escort their House to their dormitories while I lead the teachers to tackle the ogre!"
"What about Professor Quiddle?" yelled a student.
Dunderbore surveyed the unconscious teacher. "Uh…well, he'll be okay. Let's just leave him there. The coolness from the floor will seep into his veins and give him an overall state of peace."
Everyone stared at him.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked. "Come on! Go back to bed!"
Henry was in his element.
"Come on, Diffindor students!" he called down the table. "Follow me! I'll lead you to the dormitory!"
"Yeah, 'cause we always forget our way whenever there's a crisis," said Ed loudly. Harold and Don laughed. Henry glared at Ed.
"How could an ogre get in here?" asked Harold while they walked.
"No idea, they're supposed to be really stupid," said Don. "Someone must've let it in as a Halloween trick."
They had almost made it up the marble staircase when Harold stopped dead. "Don, what about Heidi?"
"What about her?" Don stopped too.
"She doesn't know an ogre got in!"
"You want to go rescue her, don't you?" groaned Don. "Fine, but Henry better not catch us or he'll tattle. He's such a teacher's pet."
They slipped into the shadows and followed the Snufflepuffs, who were going the opposite way, raced down a deserted hallway, and made their way towards the girls bathroom. Suddenly they heard footsteps.
"Oh my God! Henry!" hissed Don, yanking Harold behind a large stone statue of an elephant wearing a tutu. Harold peered around its thick arm and saw, not Henry, but Snake. He stomped down the hallway and disappeared.
"Shouldn't he be tackling the ogre with the other teachers?" said Don. Harold shrugged. They crept out from behind the elephant and continued their journey.
"I think he's going towards the third floor!" whispered Harold, but Don held out a hand to stop him.
"I smell ogre!" he exclaimed.
Harold inhaled deeply - and wished he hadn't. A disgusting smell reached his nose, almost like mud, body odor, and ogre gas mixed together.
And then they saw it. It was much taller than an ordinary human being, with olive green skin. Its ears stuck out at either side of its head, long and pointy. It wore a ripped, fabric tunic and a brown leather vest. It looked just like -
"Shrek!" cried Harold.
"Bless you," said Don.
"No, he looks just like Shrek! Doesn't he?"
"Who's Shrek?"
"He's in a few Shmuggle movies," said Harold impatiently. "But he's a good guy. At least, I thought he was."
The ogre peered inside a doorway. It scratched its head and thumped inside.
"Let's lock it in," said Don excitedly. "Look, the key is in the lock already. All we have to do is shut the door and turn the key!"
"Okay," Harold agreed. They raced towards the door, Harold praying with all his might that the ogre wasn't going to come back out. In one swift motion, he and Don pushed the door shut and turned the key.
"YIPEE!" they cried. They pelted back the way they came, but hadn't even exited the hallway when they heard a terrified shriek come from the room they had just locked.
"That's the girls bathroom!" wailed Don, his face white. "Heidi must be in there!"
"Come on!" roared Harold. They sprinted back to the door, unlocked it, pulled it open, and went inside.
Heidi Grace was pressed into the wall, looking terrified. Her mouth moved, but no sound came out. Finally she swallowed and gasped, "Shrek!"
"How do you know my name?" said the ogre incredulously.
"I KNEW IT!" yelled Harold, jabbing his finger into Don's side. "I told you that he looked like Shrek!"
Shrek turned around, spotting the two boys. "What are you doing here? This is a girls bathroom!"
"What are you doing here?" snapped Don. "You shouldn't be in here either! You shouldn't even be in the castle!"
"Someone let me in." said Shrek. "So I have a right to be here!"
"Who?" asked Harold suspiciously.
"Okay, I've had enough of this," said Heidi, getting her courage back. "I have to go do my homework now, so…" she started to edge around Shrek.
"No! Stay there!" Shrek growled, suddenly looking fierce. "The only place you're going is back to the swamp with me!"
"W-what?" stuttered Heidi. "Why?"
"I like you," leered Shrek. "You're coming back to be my little pet. We'll have lots of fun. You look like you can handle my games, not like those others. They would always break so easily. Donkey was the first. But they made a good snack afterwards." Shrek licked his lips. "I'm sure you won't break, though. And even if you do, it's no loss to me, right?"
Heidi screamed and tried to run, but he seized her around the neck and held her up. "Don't do that, missy," he soothed. "The more you struggle, the easier you break."
"PUT HER DOWN!" roared Don. He ran forward and kicked Shrek in the leg as hard as he could. The ogre roared. Fortunately, he dropped Heidi. Unfortunately, he dropped her onto the hard tile floor. She wasn't knocked out, but looked extremely dizzy.
"I suppose I could have more than one pet," he snarled, ripping a sink off of the wall. "I'll just take all of you! And everyone else I see on the way out!"
He threw the sink at Don, who dove to the side and just missed getting knocked out. Roaring, he grabbed another one and advanced on Harold.
At this time, Harold got a very brave (and very stupid) idea. He ran towards Shrek, took a flying leap, and landed on his back. Shrek whirled around and around, trying to look at him, and started jerking all over the place. Harold's wand was flying in every direction, and eventually lodged itself in Shrek's ear.
The ogre howled with pain; throwing Harold off, he raised the sink and prepared to smash him.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Don whip out his wand, bounce his wrist three times, swirl it in the air, and jab it at the sink, yelling, "FLUTTERBEE HOVEREE!"
The sink shot out of Shrek's hands and into the air. It hovered above his head for a few seconds, and then came down on his skull with a deafening crack! The ogre swayed side to side, and finally slumped down onto the floor hard enough to shake the whole castle.
"Did you - kill it?" said Heidi shakily, getting to her feet. Don ran over to support her.
"I wish," Harold muttered. "I think he's just knocked out."
"I thought you said Shrek was a good guy!" growled Don.
"He was!" said Heidi. "I don't know what happened to him - maybe he's sick, or something."
Harold bent down and pulled his wand out of Shrek's ear. Crusty yellow stuff was smeared on the end.
"Yuck! Ogre ear wax!"
He wiped it on the ogre's tunic.
The door suddenly banged open, and Professors McGummable, Snake, and Quiddle hurried into the room. They must've heard the ogre's roars and the crashes of the sinks. Quiddle sank onto the nearest toilet seat, whimpering.
While Snake examined the ogre, McGummable stalked over to the first years, looking furious. Hopes of winning one thousand points for Diffindor faded from Harold's mind.
"What the hell were you thinking of?" she hissed. "You should be safe in your dormitory, not tackling an ogre! You're first years! You could've been killed!"
Snake glared at Harold. Harold looked at his feet.
A small voice came out of the shadows.
"Professor - they went looking for me."
"Miss Grace!"
Heidi walked unsteadily towards Professor McGummable.
"I went searching for the ogre because - well - I saw the movie Shrek, and I thought he would be - um - nice."
Don stared at Harold, his mouth hanging open. Heidi was telling a downright lie to a teacher?
"If they hadn't found me, Shr - the ogre would've taken me. He was threatening to take me back to his swamp and -" she shuddered. "Anyway, Harold shoved his wand in its ear and Don knocked it out with a sink. They didn't have time to go for help."
Harold and Don were nodding humbly like a couple of bobble heads.
"Well…in that case…" Professor McGummable seemed to be lost for words. She swallowed and turned to Heidi. "Miss Grace, don't you realize how stupid you've been? Ogres aren't nice. They're mean. Movies aren't real. Understand?"
"Yes, Professor." Heidi hung her head.
"Five points will be taken from Diffindor for your idiocy. Go back to your dormitory."
Heidi left the room. Professor McGummable faced Harold and Don.
"I guess I have to congratulate you. Not many first years could knock out an ogre. You will each receive five points, and Professor Dunderbore will be informed of this. You can go now."
They hurried out of the bathroom and didn't speak at all until they were two floors up. Harold was breathing deeply, cherishing the fresh air after the smell of the ogre.
"What a rip-off!" Don said suddenly. "We save Heidi from being killed and eaten, knock out an evil ogre, and we only get ten points?"
"Five points. Heidi lost some." Harold corrected.
"Five points!" Don repeated indignantly.
"Well, I'm never watching that movie again," said Harold, shuddering.
They had reached the Fat Cat.
"Yarn ball," said Don, and the portrait swung open. The living room was packed with people finishing the feast. Heidi, however, was standing alone by the doorway, waiting for them. There was a very embarrassing pause. Then, they all said, "Thanks," while looking down at their feet, and hurried off to get food.
But from that moment on, Heidi Grace became their friend. There are some things you can't share without liking each other, and knocking out Shrek the ogre was one of them.
So didja like it? Huh? Didja? Yes, Shrek is now evil. Maybe I should start writing horror stories now...I like being evil! }:D Mwahahaha! Now review, or I'll give Shrek a call and tell him that there's a lot of tasty children waiting for him...