Chapter eleven is up! Hip hip, HOORAY! Disclaimers: I do not own Harold's library book, Heidi's swearing problem, the Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand, Hagger's Dora the Explorer binoculars, Heidi's ability to produce purple flames, or the fork/Pigzits Express. (Haha, you're probably like "What?" You'll see!) Enjoy!

Chapter Eleven: Quippish

The weather turned very cold as November arrived. Every morning a light frost appeared on the grounds, coating the grass with what looked like sugar crystals. In addition to his other jobs, Hagger was now in charge of defrosting the broomsticks on the Quippish field. When Harold looked out the window in the Diffindor living room one day, he saw Hagger sitting on the broomsticks outside his hut while reading the Daily Wizard.

The Quippish season had also begun. Harold would be playing in his first match on Saturday: Diffindor versus Hisserin. If they managed to win, Diffindor would move up to second place in the House Championship.

No one but the Diffindor team had seen Harold play because Woody had decided that, as Harold was their secret weapon that they were about to unleash upon the school, he was to remain, well, a secret. But somehow, the news that he was the new Diffindor Looker leaked out, and Harold got nervous butterflies in his stomach whenever someone told him he'd be fantastic, or that they'd be running around on the ground holding up giant pillows so he wouldn't hurt himself too bad when he fell off his broom.

It was really lucky that Shrek hadn't stolen Heidi, and even luckier that Harold and Don were the ones who saved her, because now the three of them were best friends forever (hopefully). She was the only reason he managed to get through all his homework after practicing with Woody until way past midnight. She had also lent him Quippish Through the Ages, which turned out to be an awesome book.

Heidi had also been a bit more relaxed about breaking rules since her rescue on Halloween night, and that made her much nicer and a little less bossy. The day before the Quippish match the three of them were standing outside in the courtyard, freezing their butts off, when she conjured up a jar and filled it with bright purple flames. They put it on the ground behind their backs to get warm, and were standing there talking about what other movie characters might have turned evil when Snake crossed the yard. Harold saw that he was limping.

"Professor! Hey, PROFESSOR!" called Harold.

Snake whipped his head around and glared at him. "What now, Plodder?"

"Why are you limping?" Harold asked innocently.

"I'm not limping," snarled Snake, limping closer to the three of them.

"Yes you are," countered Don. "You're doing it right now!"

"Shut up, you idiots!" hissed Heidi.

"No swearing, Miss Grace," said Snake lazily. "Twenty points from Diffindor."

"Shut up is not a swear!" Heidi cried indignantly.

"It is in my book. Another twenty points from Diffindor."

Heidi opened her mouth, probably to say a real swear this time, but Harold covered it with his hand, and all that came out was, "Oo fuh-in bits!"

Snake stared at her, then turned to Harold again. "What's in your hand, Plodder?"

"Heidi's mouth," said Harold, his hand still clamped over Heidi's face.

"Not that hand, you idiot," snapped Snake. "Your other one."

It was Quippish Through the Ages. Harold held it out, and Snake snatched it.

"That's a library book!" he growled. "You can't those outside of the building, Plodder. Another twenty points from Diffindor."

It was a good thing Harold still had his hand over Heidi's mouth, because Heidi screeched, "WUH TUH FUH? DATS NADA ROO! OO FREEKIH MEH DAT UH, OO AS-HOE!"

Snake glared at her, but apparently his ears couldn't make out what she said. He limped away, clutching the book under his arm. Feeling it was safe to do so, Harold removed his hand, wiping Heidi's spit on her robes.

"Eww! Stop it!" she snapped. Glaring after Snake, she growled, "He just made that rule up!"

"Wonder why he's limping?" Harold thought aloud.

"I have no idea, but I hope his leg is really throbbing," snarled Don.

That night, the Diffindor living room was extremely noisy. Heidi chose a table next to the window and began to check Harold and Don's Charms homework. She would blow up and start ranting if they ever asked to copy her work, but they still got the right answers anyway.

Harold was nervous about the match. He wanted to get his mind off of it, but no matter how hard he tried, the possibility of Snalfoy knocking him off his broom still lingered. Finally, he stood up.

"I'm going to get my Quippish book back," he said to Don and Heidi.

They exchanged a look. "Good luck," said Don.

Harold made his way to the staff room, thinking. If he asked for the book while a bunch of other teachers were watching, Snake couldn't refuse. He began to relax.

He arrived at the door and knocked. There was no answer, and no sound of feet approaching the door. He knocked again. Nothing.

What if Snake had left the book inside? Then he could just go in, grab it, and get out fast. Making up his mind, Harold pushed open the door - and a frightening scene met his eyes.

There were people inside the room: Snake and Filth. Snake had hoisted up his robes with Filth leaning towards him, and Harold was about to assume the impossible when he saw Snake's leg. It had three long gashes on one side, oozing blood, and Filth was leaning forward to apply bandages. Harold breathed a sigh of relief.

"Stupid animal," Snake was saying. "How the hell are you supposed to watch all three heads at once?"

"Um…excuse me," said Harold loudly. Snake jumped and whipped around, throwing his robes over his leg.

"PLODDER!" he snarled, his face full of fury.

"Hi," said Harold quickly, and cut to the chase. "Can I have my book back?"

"NO!" roared Snake. "GET OUT! GET OUT BEFORE I CURSE YOU!"

"Okay, okay!" said Harold. He turned and ran all the way back up to the Diffindor living room.

"Did you get it?" asked Don eagerly, when Harold had collapsed in an armchair, breathing heavily.

"No, I didn't get it," he said through gritted teeth. He told him and Heidi what he had seen in a low whisper.

"You know what this means," he concluded, excitement and fear churning in his stomach. "I'll bet he tried to get past the three-headed cat on Halloween! And that he let the troll in so the other teachers would be distracted!"

"How many Cheerios?" said Don. Heidi glared at him.

"No - he can't have!" she said. "I know he's a jerk, but he wouldn't try and steal something that Dunderbore was guarding!"

"Come on, Heidi," snapped Don. "You have to learn how to accept that some teachers are evil. I'm with Harold. But what's he trying to get? What's that cat thing guarding?"

Harold found it a little difficult to fall asleep that night. The same questions were buzzing around in his head, and so was the furious face of Snake when he had seen Harold in the doorway.

The Great Dining Room was filled with the smells of fresh eggs, sausages, pancakes, waffles, and fruit as the Diffindor team made its way to their seats. Everyone was chattering about the first Quippish match of the season.

"Come on, Harold, eat some breakfast," begged Heidi.

"No."

"But you have to! It's the first Quippish match of the season!"

"I'm aware of that," Harold growled.

"She's right, Harold," said Sean Shimmigan. "Lookers need their strength. After all, they're the ones who determine the whole game. They also get beat up a lot, too."

"Thanks for the advice, Sean," said Harold, watching Sean pour three different kinds of syrups onto his waffles. Heidi cut a piece of waffle with her fork and held it in front of Harold's face.

"Look, Harold, here comes the Pigzits Express, come on now, open the tunnel, come on -"

Harold swung his arm up and knocked the fork out of Heidi's hands. It sailed across the Great Dining Room and landed in Drake Snalfoy's hair.

By eleven o' clock, the whole entire school was out in the stands. Some were holding binoculars, because even though the stands were high, it was still hard to see what was going on.

Heidi, Don, Sean, Ian, and Nelson went up to the top row, holding up a sheet with words on it. It said Plodder for President, and the paint flashed different colors every five seconds.

Harold was in the locker room changing into his scarlet Quippish robes (Hisserin would be playing in green). Woody cleared his throat loudly for silence.

"Okay, people," he began. "This is it."

"This is it, this is it," said Ed Weezy.

"This is it, this is it, this is it!" chanted Gordy.

"The one -"

"We've all -"

"Been waiting for!"

"Put -"

"Your hands -"

"Together for -"

"OLIVE WOODY'S YEARLY BEGINNING-OF-THE-QUIPPISH-SEASON-SPEECH!" they cried simultaneously. Everyone clapped and whistled.

"Shut up, you two!" snapped Woody, his face slightly red. "Diffindor has never had a better team. We'd better win this year, or I'll drown everyone in the showers after the match that cost us the cup!"

Everyone stared at him. Even Ed and Gordy were lost for words.

"So, no pressure or anything," Woody said brightly. "Let's go."

Harold followed the rest of the team out into the stadium. Three-quarters of the stadium was cheering and chanting, "DIFFINDOR! DIFFINDOR!" at the top of their voices. The other quarter was giving them death looks and clearly screeching, "HISSERIN! HISSERIN!" but no matter how loudly they yelled, they couldn't be heard. Harold grinned.

Madam Hoops, the referee, was standing in the middle of the stadium with her broom in her hand.

"Now, I want all of you to behave yourselves," she growled. Harold saw she was glaring at Mark Splint, the Hisserin Captain, in particular. "Just play the game. Don't try to settle grudges, start grudges, or kill anyone. Got it?"

"AWWW!" moaned the Hisserins.

"Mount your brooms!" ordered Madam Hoops.

Harold jumped onto his Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand, feeling braver from the sound of, "DIFFINDOR! DIFFINDOR!" coming from all sides.

Madam Hoops blew her whistle. The fifteen brooms rose up in the air, and they were off.

"Aaaand the Quaddle is taken immediately by the hot Shooter Angela Johanson - wow, look at the way her hair blows in the breeze, quite attractive if you ask me -"

"GORDON!"

"Sorry, Professor."

Apparently, the twins' friend Steve Gordon was commentating, closely monitored by Professor McGummable.

"And look at her go up there, wow, nice pass to Alyssa Skimmet, she's pretty hot, too - sorry, Professor - oh, back to Johanson - no, the Hisserins take possession, Hisserin Captain Mark Splint takes the Quaddle and - wow, he sucks at flying - and oh no, he's gonna sc- oops, never mind, excellent move by Diffindor Blocker Woody, he's pretty good at this stuff, Kaylee Dell takes the Quaddle, dives around Splint - good one! - there she goes, racing up the pitch, wow, lots of hot girls on the Diffindor team - sorry, Professor! Jeez! - aw, crud, got hit in the head by a Spludger, and the Hisserins take the Quaddle, and - stopped by a Spludger, nice aim from Ed Weezy - no, Gordy - no - oh, who cares, nice aim from the Diffindor Pounder, and Johanson back in possession, look at her go, up the pitch, dodges a Spludger - come on, Angela! - she shoots…SHE SCORES!"

An earsplitting roar came from the Diffindor supporters, while the Hisserins, who seemed to realize that verbal abuse wasn't going to work out, all gave the finger to Angela Johanson.

"S'cuse me, come on now…s'cuse me…COULDJA MOVE, ALREADY?"

"Hagger!"

Don and Heidi squeezed together to give Hagger room to sit. He pushed his way through the crowd, ignoring the annoyed yells to get out of the way.

"Bin watchin' from me hut," he said, dropping onto the bench. "But I can hardly see anything! S'not the same as watchin' up close. Any sign of the Squish yet?"

"Nope," said Don. "Harold's not doing much of anything right now."

"He's keeping outta trouble," growled Hagger, peering through a giant pair of Dora the Explorer binoculars.

Harold was circling the pitch, keeping out of sight, out of mind. This was part of Woody's game plan. But there was no sign of the Squish.

Harold had done a few loops and corkscrews in the air when Angelica had scored, but now it was down to business. Once he thought he had seen the Squish, but it was just a reflection off of one of the Weezy's watches, and once a Spludger had decided to try and bash his head in, but Harold had swerved sharply to the left and shot higher up to avoid it.

"Nice, Harold!" said Ed, smashing the Spludger towards the Hisserin players.

"Hisserin in possession," Steve was saying. "That Shooter sure is good at dodging - dodged a Spludger, dodged a Diffindor Shooter, and two Weezys - must get the practice from dodging girls - Professor, lighten up! - wait - was that the Squish?"

Harold saw it. He dived, hearing the gasps and cheers from the Diffindor supporters. The Hisserin Looker Terry Piggs had seen it too - they were neck and neck - only a few more feet - he stretched out a hand -

WHAMMO! Screams of abuse exploded from the Diffindor supporters as Mark Splint braked right in front of Harold, who swerved sharply to avoid smashing into him. Now his broom spun round and round like a top with Harold holding on for dear life.

"FOUL!" roared the Diffindors.

Madam Hoops awarded the Diffindor team a free shot at the goalposts, yelling incoherent lectures at Mark Splint.

"WHAT THE FU -" Don slammed his hand over Heidi's mouth.

"I'm wi' Heidi!" roared Hagger, jumping up off the bench. "Splint coulda killed 'im!"

"What?" cried Nelson.

"Calm down, Nelson, Hagger's just upset," soothed Heidi, once Don had taken his hand off of her face.

Steve Gordon was finding it a bit hard not to take sides.

"Well then, after that disgusting ape got what he deserved -"

"Gordon!"

"Sorry - I mean, after that butt-scratching monkey -"

"Gordon, I'm warning you -"

"Alright, alright! Jeez! Splint nearly kills the Diffindor Looker -" Nelson began to cry - "which could happen in any Quippish match with the Hisserins, I guess, so, moving on…"

Harold was just recovering from the episode when it happened. His broom gave a sudden lurch. He just managed to grab the handle with his hands, and tightened his grip with his knees. What was that?

It happened again, feeling as though it was trying to buck him off. But Cumulonimbus Two-Thousands didn't just decide to buck their riders off. It would've said so in the product description! Harold tried to turn back towards the Diffindor goalposts so he could get Woody to call a time out, when he realized that he had no control over his broomstick whatsoever. He couldn't turn it, direct it, make it do loops, corkscrews, or anything. Harold held on as tightly as he could while the broom zigzagged through the air, every now and then making violent, jerky movements that bounced Harold's butt in the air.

Steve was completely oblivious to Harold's predicament, along with everyone else in the stadium.

"Hisserin in possession - Splint has the Quaddle again - passes Skimmet - passes Dell - yes! Hit in the face by a Spludger, hope he got a concussion - yes, I'm sorry, Professor - aw, come on! He scored!"

"BOOOOO!" roared the Diffindor supporters, while a faint cheer rose from the Hisserins. No one seemed to realize that Harold was having issues with his broom. It carried him up and pretty much isolated him from the game.

"Eh?" said Hagger suddenly. "What's Harold doin'? Looks like he lost control of his broom, but he can't have…."

Suddenly, everyone in the stands were gasping and pointing up at Harold. His broom has started rolling over and over like a dog falling down a hill, and Harold could just manage to hold on. Then the crowd screamed as the broom gave a hard jerk and Harold was thrown off, but still managed to hold on with one hand.

"Did that ape Splint do something to it when he blocked him?" whispered Sean angrily.

"No kid could to that ter a Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand," said Hagger, still staring up at Harold. "That's powerful dark magic, that is."

Heidi wrestled the binoculars from Hagger ("Hey!") and frantically began scanning the crowd.

"What are you looking for?" said Don.

"I knew it!" moaned Heidi. "That bast-" Don covered her mouth again.

"What? What?" he gasped. "And try to tell me without swearing, please!"

"Snake!" snapped Heidi, once he removed his hand. "He's jinxing the broom!" She held out the binoculars, and Don peered through them. Snake was staring up at Harold while muttering nonstop under his breath.

"What do we do?" he cried.

"I'll take care of it," said Heidi. "Leave him to me." Without another word, she jumped out of her seat and hurried away. Don took the binoculars and stared up at Harold. His broom was vibrating so hard that it was almost impossible for him to hold on. Everyone in the stands had their attention fixed on him, so when Mark Splint seized the Quaddle and scored five times, no one noticed.

"For God's sake, Heidi, hurry up!" whispered Don, as Harold's broom floated higher and higher up.

Heidi had managed to plow through the spectators all the way across to where Snake sat. She was so focused on her task that she didn't even stop to apologize for knocking Professor Quiddle into Professor Fitflick, who was sitting in front of him. Finally, Heidi crouched down behind Snake and whipped out her wand. She whispered a few choice words, and the bright purple flames shot out the end and onto the hem of Snake's robes.

It didn't take long for Snake to realize that he was on fire. "AAAARRRG!" he roared, stamping on the flames. Heidi reached out to scoop them into a jar, but withdrew her hand, smirking. She would let Snake deal with it.

Harold was screaming, "I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE!" over and over when he suddenly realized that his broom had stopped shaking. Hardly daring to believe it, Harold heaved himself back on and shot around the pitch. The crowd cheered.

"Nelson, stop crying! You can look!" shouted Don. Nelson had been wailing into Hagger's jacket for the past five minutes.

Harold was racing towards the ground when the crowd saw him hold his stomach, as though he were about to throw up. He collapsed on all fours in the grass, heaving, until he spit something gold into his hands. He stared at it in astonishment, instinctively closing his fingers around the little winged ball. Even though it was made of metal, it felt like it was made of rubber.

When Harold squeezed the Squish, it emitted the loud sound of a foghorn. Everyone in the stands whipped around to look at him. Then the Diffindors let out a roar of victory.

"DIFFINDOR WINS!" yelled Steve Gordon.

"No fair! He didn't catch it! He almost swallowed it!" howled Splint indignantly, but it didn't matter - Harold hadn't broken any rules. The score was one hundred and seventy points to sixty. Harold didn't hear any of these details, though, for he was in Hagger's hut with Don and Heidi, drinking a cup of hot chocolate.

"It was Snake, Harold!" said Don. "Heidi and I saw him! He was staring at you and muttering, he didn't even blink!"

"That's crap," said Hagger. He had been completely oblivious to Don and Heidi's urgent conversation, even though he was right next to them. "Snake would never do something like that!"

Harold, Don, and Heidi stared at each other, debating. Finally, Harold decided to tell him everything.

"I caught Snake red-handed, Hagger!" announced Harold. "He tried to get past that three-headed cat on Halloween! He let Shrek in, so no one would interrupt him! It either scratched him or bit him, though, 'cause I saw him putting bandages on his leg while he was in the staff room!"

"What were yeh doin' in the staff room?" said Hagger incredulously. "An' how do yeh know about Puffy?"

"Puffy?"

"Yes, Puffy. He's mine. Someone gave him to me for my birthday, so I decided I would use it to guard the -" he broke off.

"What? Guard the what?" said Harold eagerly.

"Now, that's none of yer bees guts!" snapped Hagger.

"But Snake's trying to steal it!" yelled Harold impatiently.

"I told yeh, that's crap!" Hagger said again. "Snake's a Pigzits teacher, he'd never go against Dunderbore."

"Oh yeah?" snarled Heidi. "Then tell me why he just tried to kill Harold!"

She seemed to have changed her mind about Snake being evil.

"I've read about jinxes, Hagger, you have to keep eye contact! And Snake wasn't blinking at all!"

"Yer wrong, okay?" said Hagger, standing up. "Now, don' ask me why Harold's broom started actin' like a bull. I have no idear why that happened. Snake would never try to kill any student. And stop interfering with things that don't concern yeh! You forget that cat, and what it's guardin', that's between Dunderbore and Nick Sleighbell!"

"Nick Sleighbell?" said Harold excitedly. "Is he related to Santa Claus? He's involved with all this too?"

Hagger looked like he wanted to kill someone.

I had fun with this chappie! Now REVIEW, or I'll send someone to jinx you, too! Mwa ha ha! }:D