Oh my gosh! Im so sorry for not updating! :'( Ive been so busy its not even funny and Im REALLY SORRY to keep you people hanging and wanting more! I feel terrible! I promise I'll update faster in the future! Anyway, Ive noticed a problem with my list of disclaimers: all that stuff I made up myself, so I have no idea why Im calling them disclaimers. So I'll have to go back and fix them or something. HERE is a real disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANY OF JK ROWLING'S HARRY POTTER STUFF! And this is the stuff I DO own: the mud war, Wizard Monopoly, the Glue-Your-Legs-Together Curse, the ALCHEMIST'S ROCK (duh), Snake's knowledge of the hit song TiK ToK, and Don's...randomness...stupidness...whatever you want to call it. Okay, well, please read and REVIEW! ENJOY!
Chapter 13: Nick Sleighbell
At midnight one night, Harold screamed.
Don jerked awake, used to the routine by now. "Harold! Harold!" he yelled, taking the glass of ice cold water he had ready on his bedside table and thrusting it into Harold's face.
Coughing and spluttering, Harold sat up. "Can't you stop doing that?" he demanded, pushing his sopping wet hair out of his eyes.
"It's the only thing that will wake you up!" said Don.
"Yeah, right," Harold mumbled, taking the towel he had ready on his bedside table and mopping his head with it.
"What's the matter with you, Harold?" demanded Don. "This is the fifth time this week you've screamed at midnight!"
"It's not my fault!" Harold protested. "I keep having nightmares!" He grabbed his pillow and hugged it tight.
"I told you that window was dangerous!" Don clambered back into bed. "Look what it did to you! And you were only looking through it for like three nights!"
"Thanks for reminding me." Harold put the pillow back on the bed and laid down. He had taken Dunderbore's advice and stayed away from the Window of Air Heads, but now that he knew what his parents looked like, he kept having terrible nightmares of an evil laugh, a flash of green light, and their screaming faces before they collapsed to the ground.
When Heidi had come back from her vacation, she had personally yelled at Harold for five minutes straight for roaming the hallways at night. And then yelled for another five because they hadn't found out who Nick Sleighbell was. They continued to skim through books in the hopes of coming across his name, because Harold was sure he'd read it somewhere. But they could only do it during breaks now, since Harold had Quippish practice again.
Woody was driving the team into the ground. His theory was that if he forced them to practice harder then they could, then they would be perfect in the next match. Even the pounding rain couldn't put out the crazy fire in his eyes. Harold wasn't exactly all for it, but he knew Woody was right, sort of. The harder they trained, the better they would be for the next match, which was crucial if the Diffindors wanted to win the Quippish Cup. If they beat Snufflepuff, they would overtake Hisserin in the House Championship for the first time in seven years.
During the next practice, Woody blew his top. The Weezy twins were dive-bombing him and throwing globs of mud at the back of his head, trying to knock him off his broom.
"CUT IT OUT!" he roared at the twins, spitting mud from his mouth. "We have to make sure we're in tip top shape for the match! Snake's refereeing this time, and any goofing off will probably lose us the Cup!"
Gordy was so shocked that he forgot to brake, and smashed headlong into Woody. Woody toppled from his broom and landed in a giant puddle of mud with a loud splat! Jumping back up again, he grabbed a handful of the stuff and lobbed it at Gordy. It hit him right in the face.
"HEY!" choked Gordy. Ed dived for the ground, scooped up some mud, and threw it at Woody, who threw mud at Gordy, who threw mud at Ed. Angela threw a glob at Harold, but he ducked and it hit Alyssa instead. Alyssa plunged her hand in the puddle, looking like she wanted to kill someone. She pulled a giant glob out and threw it at Angela, who learned from her mistake and ducked. The mud glob soared over her head and hit Kaylee's ear. Harold grabbed some mud and threw it at Ed, but was knocked over by a giant glob from Gordy. Absolute mud-hell broke out as flying globs of liquidized dirt flew in all directions.
After a full five minutes of war, Woody finally remembered what he was supposed to be telling the team. "Wait! Stop! STOP!" he roared. Everyone froze; Angela had grabbed Ed's shirt and was ready to shove a handful of mud in his face.
"Snake's refereeing?" Harold gasped, as Angela let go of Ed's shirt and gave him an I'll get you later look.
"Yes," panted Woody, brushing the mud off his broom. "Which is why we have to drill, drill, drill for the rest of the -"
His watched started beeping the Star Wars theme song. Practice was over.
"- practice," he finished. "Okay, never mind, just don't start a mud war during the actual game, alright?"
The team trudged back to the locker rooms to change. Harold's nerves were acting up. What if Snake tried to jinx him again? There was no way the team could win if their Looker was dangling from his broomstick.
He entered the Diffindor living room and found Don and Heidi playing monopoly. Monopoly was one of the only things that Heidi sucked at. Don kept saying that losing was good for her large ego.
"Don't talk to me right now," said Don. He was sitting cross-legged with his eyes squeezed shut and had his hands together as though he were praying. "UMMMMMMMM…" He opened his eyes and saw the look on Harold's face. "Whoa! You look terrible! What happened?"
While he was distracted, Heidi began switching all the pieces around on the board and putting his castles on her properties. Harold told both of them the news.
"Don't play!" said Heidi immediately.
"Pretend you have a broken neck!" Don suggested. Heidi glared at him. "What?" he whined.
"Don," said Heidi slowly, "if Harold pretended he had a broken neck, that would mean he would be dead." She said it as though telling him that one plus one equaled two.
Don stared at her. "Oh…oh yeah!" he exclaimed suddenly. "You don't wanna do that, then!" Heidi rolled her eyes.
"I have to play," said Harold. "If I don't, Diffindor would have to forfeit."
Don made a loud squeaking sound, and Harold and Heidi both turned to look at him. His lower lip was quivering, and all of a sudden, he threw his head back and howled, tears streaming out of his eyes.
"Don! DON!" yelped Heidi. "What the -"
"N-n-nooooo!" stammered Don, rocking backward and forward in his chair. "D-don't - forfeit! That - would be - b-b-bad!"
"Don, what -"
"WAAAA!"
"Don, its not such a big deal!"
"YES IT IS!"
"AARG!" roared Harold. "DON, SHUT UP!" He took the Monopoly board and threw it at Don. It hit him full in the face with a loud thwack! Don slumped down in his chair, unconscious.
"Harold!" choked Heidi. "You knocked him out!"
"Good." He sat back in his chair and tossed the Monopoly board to Heidi. "I win."
Suddenly, there was a loud, "EEEP!" Everyone jumped and turned to face the portrait hole, where they saw Nelson topple into the living room and face-plant into the rug. Harold noticed that his legs were squished together with an unnecessary amount of glue in between, and guessed that someone had put the Glue-Your-Legs-Together Curse on him.
While everyone else laughed their full heads off like a bunch of brainless, unsympathetic idiots, Heidi leaped up and immediately performed the counter curse. The glue disappeared and Nelson got to his feet, looking shaken.
"What happened?" Heidi demanded.
"I was in the library trying to learn about unicorns," sniffed Nelson, "when Snalfoy came out of nowhere and cursed me."
"Go to Professor McGummable and tattle on him!" cried Harold.
"No, I can't! Then I'll be a tattle tale!" Nelson buried his face in his sweater.
Heidi glared at the other Diffindors, who were clumsily stifling their laughter, and then turned back to Nelson. "You have to stand up to Snalfoy! Otherwise he'll keep cursing you when you're not expecting it and you'll look like a fool!"
"I already look like a fool, in case you haven't noticed," snapped Nelson. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to bed." He turned towards the dormitories, but then turned back to Harold, digging his hand in his pocket. "Here, I heard you collect these card things, right?" he asked, putting something in Harold's hand. "I already have him. 'Night." And with that he turned and stumbled up the staircase.
Harold examined the card, and his face fell. "It's Dunderbore. I've already got -" he broke off and gasped loudly.
"What? What?" Heidi cried.
"Sleighbell!" Harold jumped up and down with excitement. "Nick Sleighbell! I told you I've seen his name before, listen to this: 'Dunderbore is considered to be the greatest wizard of modern times. He is famous for defeating the Dark wizard Spindlewald in 1945, for discovering the twelve uses of dragons' blood, and for his work on alchemy with his partner, Nick Sleighbell!'"
Heidi smiled so big it looked like it hurt, and her eyes were wild with excitement. "Wait here!" she ordered, and ran up the stairs to the girls dormitories. At that moment, Don groaned and opened his eyes.
"Ow…my head hurts…what happened?" he rasped. Harold filled him in and finished just as Heidi hurried down the stairs and to their table, carrying an enormous book. She dropped it on the table, and the resulting clunk could've been heard down in the dungeons.
"In here!" she gasped, flipping through pages so fast it made Harold sick to watch. "I took this book out of the library for some light reading…I never guessed it could help!"
"Light reading?" choked Don, staring at the sheer thickness of the book, but Heidi shushed him and continued her frantic flipping. At last she cried, "GOT IT!"
"Got what?" demanded Harold. Heidi picked up the book as though it were nothing more than her report for Charms and pointed to a tiny sentence in the middle of the page.
"Nick Sleighbell," she whispered, "is the only known creator of the Alchemist's Rock!"
Harold and Don stared at her, and she rolled her eyes.
"Oh, come on, don't you get it? Look, read right here!" She pointed to another part of the page, and Harold and Don read:
The Alchemist's Rock is a legendary substance that most think as a myth, but is all too real. The rock will transform any metal into pure gold, and also produces the Juice of Life, which will make the drinker immortal. There have been many reports of Alchemist's Rocks over the centuries, but today the only known rock belongs to Mr. Nick Sleighbell, the famous alchemist and leader of his tribe, the Mubetutans (pronounced moo-beh-TOO-tans). Mr. Sleighbell celebrated his six hundred and fifty-sixth birthday last year, while his wife, Panini, celebrated her six hundred and fifty-eighth this past August.
"Don't you see?" Heidi demanded when they had both finished. "That cat thing must be guarding the Alchemist's Rock! And since Sleighbell and Dunderbore are both hippies, they must be friends! So Sleighbell must have asked Dunderbore to guard it for him, knowing that someone was after it, so it could be moved out of Stringotts!"
"His wife's name is Panini?" said Don incredulously. Harold and Heidi glared at him.
"Well jeez, no wonder Snake wants it!" Harold pointed out. "That thing can make you rich and immortal! Wow, he doesn't ask for much in life, does he?"
"His wife's name is Panini?" Don gaped at the page. Harold picked up the book, clobbered it against Don's skull, and handed it to Heidi.
"There, he should be unconscious again," said Harold. "And I've decided to play in that Quippish match. If I don't, the Hisserin team will think I'm a scaredy-cat. I'll show them."
The next day, Harold went down to the pitch with the rest of the team, knowing that Heidi and Don were afraid that they would never see him alive again. Woody's pep talk sounded like buzzing as he put on his robes and picked up his Cumulonimbus-Two-Thousand.
Meanwhile, Heidi and Don walked into the stands with Nelson, who kept asking why they had brought their wands to the match. They had been secretly practicing the Glue-Your-Legs-Together Curse to use on Snake if Harold's broomstick started acting like a demented bull again.
"Don't forget the incantation," Heidi whispered. "It's Glooy legos!"
"I know," snapped Don exasperatedly. "Quit nagging me!"
In the locker room, Woody grabbed Harold by the neck of his robes and pulled him into the corner.
"Harold, listen to me," he said seriously. "You'd better get the Squish early or Snake will start being extremely unfair to us and favor Snufflepuff and then we'll lose and it'll be your fault." he clapped Harold on the back. "No pressure or anything."
"Hey lookit!" cried Gordy. "Dunderbore is watching this time!"
"Dunderbore?" gasped Harold, running over to look. Gordy was right. There was no mistaking that braided silver beard and hippie tie dye robes. Harold grinned so big it hurt. There was no way Snake would lay a pinky finger on him while Dunderbore was there.
Maybe this was why Snake was looking so angry as the team marched onto the field. Don noticed too.
"Hey, Heidi…why does Snake look all pissed off?"
"Maybe it's because you're here, Weezy," sneered a voice. Don and Heidi whirled around, to see Snalfoy, Krabby, and Boyle taking the seats behind them.
"How long do you think Plodder will last on his broom this time, eh?" laughed Snalfoy, pulling a large stack of wizard coins out of his pocket. "Anyone wanna bet? Hmm?"
Don eyed the pile of coins enviously while Heidi stared unblinkingly at Harold, who was racing all over the pitch at a hundred miles an hour, searching for the Squish. The other team's Looker was trying to follow, but kept crashing into other players and the goalposts. His broom was no match for Harold's Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand.
Snalfoy seemed to realize that no one was paying attention to him, so he raised his voice. "You know what? I think I figured out how the Diffindor team picks their players. It's not about skill at all; it's about the people they feel sorry for. There's Plodder, who's got no parents, and the Weezy twins, who've got no money…Wrongbottom, why aren't you on the team? You've got no brain!"
Nelson stiffened and slowly turned around, his face full of fury. "Shut up, Snail-foy," he growled.
"Oh yeah! You tell him, Nelson!" said Don.
"DON! Look at Harold!" screamed Heidi suddenly.
"Uh? What? Where?" Don stared at the Quippish pitch, his eyes wild. Harold had suddenly dived sharply and was shooting towards the ground.
"Oh my God!" yelled Snalfoy. "Weezy, you just got lucky! Plodder obviously saw some money on the ground!"
"GRAAAAAR!" roared Don, and dived at Snalfoy. Nelson cracked his knuckles and tackled Krabby and Boyle simultaneously.
"Go, Harold, go!" screeched Heidi, waving her arms over her head.
In the air, Snake turned around on his broomstick just in time to swerve out of the way. The next second, the scarlet blur that was Harold pulled out of his dive, his hand held high. The audience erupted with cheers.
"Don! DON! He did it! We won! Diffindor in the lead!" shrieked Heidi, jumping up and down like she had a burst of caffeine and hugging a random person in the row in front.
Harold landed and leaped off his broom, grinning like crazy. He was still alive and had won the game in less than five minutes - it had to be a record. He was surrounded by bunches and bunches of screaming girls, all begging for his autograph. Then he felt someone poke him in the back; he jumped looked up at Dunderbore's goofy smile.
"Hi Harold!" he yelled loudly. "I'm glad you won! And you stopped stalking that window! Good job! Winning Quippish matches is a lot more fun than stalking windows, Harold, trust me." And with that he winked and bounced away.
Harold left the locker room a little while later so he could take his broomstick back to the shed. He was so happy that he'd won the match without dying first. Snake could take his broomstick and (well, let's keep it PG, shall we?)
Speaking of Snake…
A hooded figure walked swiftly down the castle steps and into the Big Scary Forest, clearly not wanting to be seen. Harold's excitement over his big win faded. Why the heck was Snake sneaking into the forest while everyone else was eating dinner? Something fishy was going on here. Harold jumped on his Cumulonimbus Two-Thousand and flew silently into the trees. He heard voices, and dipped onto a branch where he was hidden from sight, but could still eavesdrop.
"S-S-Samuel," stammered Quiddle's voice. "Why w-would you want t-t-to meet here of a-all places?"
"Oh, I wanted to keep this secret," Snake said silkily. "Students aren't supposed to find out about the Alchemist's Rock, after all."
Quiddle mumbled something too quiet for Harold to catch. He leaned forward.
"Did you find out how to get by that stupid monster of Hagger's yet?"
"B-but Samuel…I…it's not s-stupid!"
"You don't want me as your enemy, Quiddle," Snake growled, stepping closer to the terrified professor.
"I-I-I don't know w-what -"
"Stop being an idiot. You know perfectly well what I mean. You idiot."
An owl hooted right above Harold's head, and he jumped, almost falling out of the tree. He recovered himself just in time to hear Snake say "-your little magical mystery. I'm waiting. TiK ToK on the clock, and Snake don't got what he wants, yo -"
"W-w-what?" Quiddle stammered.
"Nevermind," said Snake quickly. "We'll talk again soon to decide where your loyalties lie." And with that he turned around and swept out of Harold's sight. Quiddle stood alone, leaning up against a tree for support, his face white as a ghost.
"Harold, where have you been?" cried Heidi, who had been waiting with Don in the entrance hall.
"YAY HAROLD! WE WON!" roared Don, jumping up and down. "I gave Snalfoy a black eye and Nelson almost destroyed Krabby and Boyle…who knew he had such great fighting abilities? He got knocked unconscious, but he did a lot of damage on those two trolls…c'mon, Ed and Gordy stole some food from the kitchen, we're having a party with party stuff and yummy desserts and happy screaming -"
"Never mind that, come with me!" Harold grabbed their arms, pulled them into an empty classroom, and told them everything he heard.
"We were right! It is an Alchemist's Rock, and Snake asked Quiddle if he had found out how to get past Puffy yet, and said something about Quiddle's 'magical mystery', I guess there's other stuff guarding the rock, and Snake probably needs to know how to break the Defense Against the Dark Arts enchantment -"
"Wait, wait," cried Heidi. "Does this mean the rock is only safe as long as Quiddle can stand up to Snake?"
Don groaned. "It'll be gone by next Tuesday." He grinned uneasily at Heidi and Harold. "But at least you won the Quippish match, right?"
Heidi and Harold punched him in the face, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.
Hey again! How was it? Please review! A LOT A LOT A FREEKIN LOT! quote from one of my weirdo guy friends xD And again IM SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN LIKE 3 MONTHS! I promise I will be faster this time! And we're almost reaching the end of the book! Huzzahh! REVIEW, OR ILL SEND SNAKE TO SING TIK TOK TO YOU! RAWR!