I just wanted to say thank you for your reviews. I do appreciate them, especially when they are constructive. I wrote this a while ago, back in the day I was a big Bad Girls fan and it's nice that fiction about long finished programmes is still enjoyed! Anyway thanks again, we're not quite at the end just yet!
CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR
"Very punctual Miss Betts!" Karen stood on Yvonne's doorstep clad in a well-cut black skirt and a black top, which was held up by incredibly thin straps. The top was covered in very delicate flowers, and showed off Karen's tanned and toned arms perfectly.
"I wasn't sure what you were cooking, so I hope this is ok." Yvonne gratefully accepted the bottle of white wine.
"Sancerre? Very nice!" Yvonne drew Karen into the house and kissed her passionately, "and you look beautiful." Karen blushed slightly.
"Something smells nice."
"Smooth change of subject there!" Yvonne took Karen's hand and led her through the lounge into the kitchen, "I'll pop this one in the fridge for later, I've got something on the table in the ice bucket for now."
"Don't keep me in suspense Von, what's for dinner!"
"Well we've got melon and parma ham to start followed by breast of chicken with oyster mushrooms, scented with tarragon. Glass of champagne?"
"Wow, I feel spoilt."
"That's the general idea!" Yvonne poured Karen a glass of chilled champagne.
"Are we celebrating something?"
"Maybe, I feel like celebrating actually." Karen raised her eyebrows questioningly and Yvonne smiled. "The food is ok for a minute or two let's take our drinks outside." Karen acquiesced willingly, it was clear that Yvonne had meticulously planned the evening and she was perfectly happy to go along with whatever Yvonne had decided. They settled themselves on the decking which overlooked an extensive garden.
"I didn't have you down as the green-fingered type Yvonne, the garden looks great."
"It does and I wish I could take credit, but I can't."
"A gardener?"
"Yes a gardener, I did try after Charlie moved out but I nearly died! It's over half an acre, by the time I'd pulled out the weeds they'd started growing again where I'd started. It was very depressing and not rewarding in the slightest!" Karen chuckled she couldn't really see Yvonne in gardening gloves pruning the roses. She delicately sipped the crisp, sharp, perfectly chilled champagne, she could get used to this.
"Can I come in?" Nikki was making a determined effort to appear perfectly sober, thus succeeding only in making herself look decidedly tipsy, Helen pulled the edges of her gown closer together and stepped to the side letting Nikki in. "I've interrupted you?"
"No, no I was just about to have a bath that's all."
"If you're sure."
"Yes I've just got to go and check on something, take a seat." Helen dashed up the stairs into her bedroom.
"What's going on?" Mel hissed taking in the sight of Helen throwing her jeans and a T shirt on and realising that the evening was not going to plan.
"Nikki's here, she's had a bit to drink, I think something's happened."
"So you've got to sort it out?" Mel swung her legs off the bed and wrapped the sheet around her, she placed herself in front of Helen, "Helen?"
"It's ok, really look I'll go and sort her out then I'll be back. Can you…"
"I'll stay up here like a dirty little secret and watch Olivia."
"You know I don't think that of you."
"Of course you don't, go on." Helen lingered momentarily before heading back down the stairs to where Nikki was waiting for her.
"When did you start drinking?"
"That obvious? A while ago."
"Have you spoken to Frances?"
"No, but I have spoken to Neil Grayling. I told him about our relationship, he was not too happy. I offered my resignation." Nikki began to prowl around the room,
"Nikki no."
"He refused to accept it, so I still have a job, but no girlfriend."
"You don't know that, how can you know that if you haven't spoken to Frances and heard her explanation?"
"Devil's advocate again Helen? Frances and I we were never going to last, I fooled myself into thinking that we would, thinking I could change her. I succeeded only in changing myself. I don't doubt she slept with Colin, it sounds just like her. Even if she hadn't our relationship has been over for a while. I'm not here to talk about Frances though." Helen nodded silently, seeing Nikki was on a roll she thought it best not to interrupt her. Nikki sat down next to Helen on the sofa and took her hand, "I want to talk about you, well me and you to be specific."
"Me and you?"
"Helen you must know how I feel about you? I'm pretty sure it's written across my face every time I see you, you're all I think about. I tried with Frances I really did, I wanted it to work but since you came into my life there was no chance I could be happy with Frances. In some way I don't blame her for what she did with Colin because she could obviously see that my feelings for you were more than just friendship." Nikki was aware that her words were beginning to run away but she did nothing to rein them in it felt too good to be finally saying what she wanted to. The expression on Helen's face however was enough to stop Nikki's avalanche of thoughts and feelings.
"Why are you telling me this now? Things with Frances haven't worked out so I'll do will I?" Helen stood, her hands on her hips. Nikki tried to desperately work through the alcohol haze, she'd thought what she had been saying was very romantic and honest. How was Helen misconstruing her words?
"No you're not hearing me Helen."
"I am Nikki, I've given you opportunities to tell me how you feel.."
"Opportunities, plural? When?"
"Ok, maybe just one opportunity then at my birthday but still you've had a chance Nikki."
"And that's it is it? One chance, I didn't take it so bollocks to any chance of anything?"
"I'm with Mel." Helen's words were spoken quietly, but she might as well have shouted them from the rooftop of Supersavers. They hit Nikki forcibly, making her feel as though she had been punched in the stomach. Mel! She had completely forgotten about her, in her joy at working through her own feelings, because of her despair at the collapse of her relationship with Frances she had utterly forgotten about the beauty from Ireland.
"I can't move!" Yvonne laughed and sat next to Karen who had laid herself out on the sofa in mock anguish at her full state, "I haven't had such a beautiful meal in a long time."
"I'm glad I came up to scratch."
"Well you do in the kitchen." Karen pulled herself into a sitting position and wrapped her arms around Yvonne's neck, "there are however a few things we still need to check."
"Oh?"
"Whether your breakfast is as good as your dinner." She moved forward and kissed Yvonne, though Yvonne returned the kiss Karen felt something was wrong. "What's the matter, I thought.."
"Does this not faze you at all?"
"Not really."
"So two months ago if someone had said this is where we would be it wouldn't have bothered you. I'm just finding it strange." Karen removed her arms from around Yvonne's neck and shuffled back slightly on sofa,
"Strange? You know how to make a girl feel good."
"Karen! I had no idea what was going to happen to me when Charlie left. The thought of meeting someone new terrified me."
"Yvonne Atkins, terrified?"
"I know. I'm a hard bitch supposedly, scared of nothing and no one."
"I know that you're not really."
"Do you? I hope you do Karen because at the moment I feel really lost."
"Do you know what is strange Von, you say you feel lost, but I feel as if I've been found." The pained expression on Yvonne's face, touched Karen. She had never seen Yvonne like this before and she felt privileged. "I don't know where this is going but I'll do whatever I can to make it easier for you. And if you just want to be friends then I respect that."
"Friends is good." Karen's heart dropped, but she tried to keep the disappointment she felt from clouding her face. Yvonne grinned broadly, "it's not enough though. Especially when you have that lovely overnight bag in the car!"
"How did you know about that?" Karen covered up her crimson face with her hands, "I feel stupid now!" Yvonne laughed and took Karen's hands away holding them gently between her own.
"I watched you from the window, you got your bag out, put it back then got it out again. Sweet really. So where were you planning on sleeping?"
"Yvonne! Stop it!" Karen pushed Yvonne back on the sofa, sitting astride her, "you'll have to pay now!"
"I was counting on it!"
Mel sat on the stairs, listening intently. It had gone very quiet since Helen had said they were together, she was desperate to know what was happening. Nikki lifted her head out of her hands,
"I forgot." She laughed hollowly, "can you believe that? What an idiot, I actually forgot about Mel. I'll go."
"You don't have to go, you're upset."
"It's ok Helen, please let me leave with the tiny bit of dignity I have left."
"You shouldn't go back to the flat, you're in no state to deal with Frances."
"I'll go to Yvonne's." It sounded as though Nikki was leaving, Olivia at that moment woke up, and Mel dashed up the stairs to sooth her. Olivia's cries reached the two women in the emotionally charged lounge. "Shouldn't you?"
"It's ok, Mel will…" Helen's words trailed off as she realised the implications of her words, and saw how Nikki visibly winced at the mention of Mel.
"Of course she's staying here with you." Nikki remembered Helen's attire when she opened the door and any vestige of dignity was gone. "You weren't having a bath. I'm going."
"Let me drive you."
"I don't think so somehow Helen, the walk will sober me up, then again this little chat has done that rather well too." Nikki walked out of the lounge placing her hand on the door handle she looked up the stairs, Mel was stood at the top Olivia in her arms.
"Nikki."
"Mel." With that Nikki was gone.
Nikki walked swiftly through the darkened streets, each step taking her further away from Helen. Life was bloody cruel, she hadn't expected Helen to fall at her feet, though that would have been nice. It was painful because she knew that Helen had feelings for her, but she was just too late. Mel had come in and been brave enough to tell Helen she wanted her. Nikki had hidden behind her sham of a relationship, too frightened to let it go, yet too frightened to acknowledge there wasn't much left to lose.
With Olivia settled once more Mel made her way downstairs. Helen was sat on the sofa, staring into space.
"And you thought she didn't think of you like that eh?" Mel sat down and held her arms out for Helen to fall into.
"I really didn't think she did."
"A shock and a bit of vodka usually brings out the truth, I take it things with her girlfriend aren't too good?"
"You heard?"
"I heard most of it. Helen I said when I arrived I didn't want to be a complication in your life and I meant it. If you want me to leave."
"No!" Helen whipped around, "I don't want you to go. I haven't felt like this since Cerys died, you've made me feel human again."
"I have? Are you sure it's me that's made you feel like this Helen, when I arrived you were well on the way. Maybe I'm just taking advantage of the new Helen, maybe it's because of Nikki you've felt able to start this relationship with me. Am I the alternative? The other option?"
"Why are you saying this?"
"I told you I heard pretty much everything. You said to Nikki you gave her an opportunity to tell you how she felt at your birthday, what was that all about then? She said no so you thought hey Mel's turned up why not rekindle our fling?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"That you want me! That you absolutely, unequivocally want me. Do you realise how long I have waited for you Helen? I love you."
"I know you do, and I love you."
"Not in the same way though."
"No, but that's only because it's taken me until now to admit to myself and others that I'm gay! Of course I don't have the same strength of feeling as you. It's too much at the same time Mel!"
"Just tell me Helen, should I stay? Simply yes or no." Helen closed her eyes and tried to make sense of everything that was going on. Two weeks ago if Nikki had said those things it would have been perfect, but now Mel was here she was confused. Mel was the person at University who made her question herself, the person she had told Cerys about.
"I want you to stay, I want you." Relief washed over Mel, and her blue eyes twinkled.
"I'm so pleased you said that." She drew Helen to her, "can we go back upstairs now?"
Nikki reached Yvonne's house, glancing at her watch as she did. It had taken her over an hour and a half, she was well and truly sober now! It looked like Karen's car in the drive. She knocked on the door, there were lights on upstairs so Yvonne was in. Nikki knocked again, standing on doorsteps was becoming a theme for the evening and she didn't like it very much. Eventually she heard the key turn in the lock and the chain slide across, the door opened revealing Yvonne in her dressing gown looking like she'd just got out of bed, Nikki didn't wait to be invited in, she marched past and went straight to the drinks cabinet in the lounge.
"Oh come on in Nik." Yvonne shut the door and walked through to the lounge.
"Early for you to be in bed Yvonne. Join me?" Nikki picked up a bottle of scotch and waved it. Yvonne saw straight past Nikki's bolshiness, her eyes were pleading and she'd been crying.
"Yeah, you better get three glasses though. Karen's upstairs."
"Why?"
"We had dinner, she wanted a drink, didn't want to drive, so she stayed." Yvonne didn't feel too bad, of course she had left out the passionate sex they'd just indulged in but Nikki didn't look like she could cope with that too. "I'll go and get her."
"May as well, save me explaining what an idiot I am twice I suppose." Nikki put ice in three glasses and began to pour in equal measures of scotch. Yvonne walked into her bedroom, Karen was sat in bed the covers barely living up to their name. She looked confused,
"What's going on?"
"Nikki's here, in a bit of a state, she needs our advice I think."
"You said I was here!" Yvonne laughed she leant over and kissed Karen on the lips.
"Yes, but as far as Nik's concerned you stayed because you had a drink and didn't want to drive, I didn't think it was the best time to tell her the other details, is that ok?"
"Well I was hoping for a second performance this evening but I guess I'll have to be patient!" Karen pulled Yvonne's face down to meet hers pushing their lips together.
"Is anyone there!" Nikki's voice drifted up from the lounge, "I am drowning in a pool of despair, and depression!" Karen rolled her eyes,
"You better go, I'll make myself look presentable." Yvonne nodded and went to join Nikki. Half an hour later saw the three women well on their way down a bottle of scotch, and Karen rather confused.
"Let me get this straight, you and Frances have been together for a year, you've just split up, though Frances doesn't know this, because you've been told that she slept with someone else. You've told Grayling about your relationship so you think France will dump you anyway. Now instead of dealing with one woman at a time you thought you'd tell Helen Stewart you love her." Nikki lifted her head up from its resting position on the back of Yvonne's extremely comfortable sofa,
"I don't think I said I loved her." Karen raised her hand to stop Nikki talking,
"You revealed your 'strong feelings' for Helen forgetting she is now with the delectable Mel." Yvonne's attention perked at Karen's comments,
"I wouldn't say she was delectable exactly."
"Guys!" Nikki looked from one to the other slightly confused at the sudden diversion, "Focus please! Yes to all the above Karen."
"Why didn't you tell us about Frances Nikki?" Yvonne was trying to be supportive but she was hurt at Nikki's apparent unwillingness to trust her, "did you not trust us, trust me?"
"I wish I had Yvonne believe me but I can't change things now."
"What if Frances forgives you and you forgive her? Do you want to stay together?"
"I don't think so Karen, I think it's run it's course."
"And Helen?"
"I know I shouldn't say it, but I think I love her." Yvonne almost chocked on her scotch, she spluttered into her glass.
"What! Nikki you hardly know her."
"I know her well enough, she feels the same!" Karen and Yvonne looked to each other concerned at Nikki's state, Karen went to sit next to her, gently taking the glass out of her hand.
"I think you need some sleep, Nik, come on. This will be easier to think about tomorrow." Nikki nodded and allowed herself to be led upstairs, her brain was aching and it didn't take long for her to succumb to sleep. Karen and Yvonne looked at her from the door before closing it behind them. In bed Karen lay her head on Yvonne's shoulder and Yvonne wrapped her arms around her, holding her close.
"She'll be ok wont she Von?"
"I don't know darling, I've never really seen her like this, this is a new one on me."
CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
Nikki edged warily into the flat, Yvonne had offered to come in with her but she'd said no. Glass crunched under her boots, unmistakable evidence of anger and proof that Frances had not been as in command of her feelings as Nikki had. Nikki knelt down and picked up a picture which lay in the sea of its own frame, she shook the shards of glass from it and put it on the table. She surveyed the rest of the lounge, anything breakable now existed only in parts, she heard the bedroom door open.
"Welcome home darling."
"Frances what the hell have you done?"
"Was she good?"
"What?" Nikki noticed that Frances was holding a glass of wine, this was not going to be pretty.
"Helen, I assume that's where you've been, ALL night."
"No actually I've been at Yvonne's."
"You could have called."
"You could have been faithful."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes you do, Colin Hedges, jesus I knew you were capable of it but to sleep with someone who works with me, well that's not something I thought you'd do. That's why I called Neil."
"You've ruined my career!"
"Do you expect me to care! Seriously! You've ruined me! You've turned me into someone who keeps secrets from friends, someone who lives a bloody half life walking on egg shells!"
"It meant nothing Nikki!"
"You know it sounds like a cliché and I never expected to actually say this but that makes it worse. You'd risk our relationship for a quick shag with a bloke that meant nothing. Nice Frances, very nice."
"I had a moment of weakness! You've been a calculated bitch, and ruined my career, something I've worked years for."
"Oh get over it! Have you been sacked?"
"No, I've been transferred."
"Well then."
"To Cambridge."
"Lucky you." Nikki wasn't trying to be sarcastic but it seemed everything that came out of her mouth was saturated with it. She went into the kitchen and was pleasantly surprised to find that the breakables in there were still intact. She poured two glasses of water and went back into the lounge. Frances had now sat down, luckily it seemed that the wine glass was merely a prop and she wasn't actually drinking out of it.
"Thank you." Frances accepted the glass and gulped the water down.
"I take it you didn't manage to take your anger out in the kitchen?"
"No, I confined myself to this area here, cut myself actually." Frances held up her right hand which was crisscrossed with plasters. "Sorry, I know some of these things were yours."
"No they were ours, but there's nothing here that can't be replaced."
"Except our relationship?"
"Except that yes."
"Unless."
"Unless what?"
"You came with me to Cambridge, we could start again. Somewhere new, as a proper couple." Nikki shook her head.
"No, no it's too late." Frances grabbed her by her shoulders,
"Why, I'm sorry, I'll change."
"No Frances. Enough it's enough. You won't change, you can't. I'm not willing to put myself through this again and you will do it again because it's what you do. There could be someone out there that you will change for but it's not me. Go to Cambridge, rebuild your career and I'll stay here."
"With her." Frances spat.
"No, not with Helen. She's with someone else actually."
"Then if you're not leaving me for her why can't we give it another go? We're good together Nik, you know we are." Nikki detached Frances' arms which had wrapped themselves around her neck.
"Frances it's over. It just is because it has to be for both our sakes." Nikki expected to Frances to plead again, but she didn't she nodded quietly and looked down at her hands which were clasped in her lap.
"Nikki I've really hurt you, and I'm sorry. I did, no, I do love you. Very much. I'm sorry that I couldn't be what you deserve." Nikki smiled and laughed shortly,
"Don't apologise for being you Fran!" She began to pick up the broken pieces of their life which were scattered around the lounge, "when are you going?" Frances joined Nikki in the process of tidying up.
"In the next couple of weeks."
"That's quick."
"I think they want to get rid of me, well Neil does anyway."
"I am sorry about that."
"Are you?"
"Yes. I mean I'm not sorry about telling Neil about us but I am sorry about your career."
"I'll bounce back, when are you going back to Harbourne?"
"I don't know."
"If it helps I don't think Jim will be there for much longer."
"Oh?"
"After what I found out and my report on his effectiveness as a store manager I think they may have a little transfer in mind for him."
"To?"
"A little corner shop in Inverness maybe!" Despite the emotional strain Nikki couldn't help but laugh. Frances smiled and nodded, "I may be being shipped off to Cambridge but I still have some clout darling. I've messed up this relationship but I'll make damn sure you don't have to work with that bastard anymore." Nikki looked at Frances, she was speaking earnestly and Nikki felt an urge to wrap her up in a hug, she didn't but a glance was exchanged between them which spoke volumes. It said goodbye, thank you, and sorry all in one go.
Duncan was already up feeding Olivia when Helen managed to drag herself downstairs.
"I didn't hear you come in, you big stop out!" Duncan grinned and wiped Olivia's mouth with her bib.
"It was late, we had fun." Helen raised her eyebrows as she flicked the kettle on.
"Fun, eh?"
"Yes Helen fun. I like her a lot, we really get on."
"I thought you would, she's lovely."
"So is Mel." Helen turned slowly around, to see Duncan grinning broadly, "I'm not stupid Hel, anyone could see what was going on. I don't mind, you know I'm pleased you're happy. A bit surprised maybe but whatever makes you happy is cool."
"Thank you Duncan, that means a lot."
"Do you know what, this will probably sound ridiculous to you but I thought Nikki might be someone you were interested in."
"That's not ridiculous, wrong time, you know." Duncan nodded and turned back to Olivia's breakfast.
"I've known for a while actually." Helen's breath caught in her throat as she poured hot water into two cups, "Cerys told me." The kettle clattered onto the worktop as Helen's grip on it slipped. "Are you ok Hel?" Helen breathed in deeply and tried to regain her rapidly disappearing composure.
"I'm ok. What did Cerys say?"
"She mentioned something about a fling you had at Uni, I assume that was Mel?" Helen nodded, "She said that I needed to be prepared for you to say that you were gay. You never confided in me."
"I only confided in Cerys just before she died, it's something that I've only really just accepted myself Duncan." Duncan shrugged as though to say okay and lifted Olivia out of her high chair.
'I'm going to get ready for this extremely dull meeting I have to go to, so I shall leave this young lady with you!" Helen gathered Olivia up and took her outside. It seemed as though the glorious summer was on its way out. The sun was still shining brightly, despite the early hour, but the air was much cooler, less oppressive than in the previous weeks. A whole day stretched out in front of Helen a whole day she could spend with Olivia and Mel, soaking up the final rays of sunshine. When Mel finally got up she found Helen in the back garden with a squealing Olivia. Helen had dragged out the paddling pool and Olivia was happily sitting in the water splashing with her tiny feet and hands. Mel smiled at the scene of contentedness and retreated back into the house, her eyes alighted on Helen's notepad. Her most recent work was in the notepad, and Mel couldn't help her curiosity. Helen's happiness at the return of her ability to write, and her excitement at the thought she was writing something worth reading made Mel all the keener to know what was inside. She should wait until Helen shared it with her really but the temptation was too much. She grabbed the notebook and glancing to check Helen was still occupied took the notebook and a glass of orange upstairs. Half an hour later and Helen, due to Olivia's splashing, found herself soaked. She shaded her eyes and looked up towards her bedroom, Mel surely couldn't still be in bed.
"Come on you." She grabbed Olivia, who screamed her annoyance at being removed from the water, "I know I know, but you're going to get all wrinkly, and I'm dripping wet!" She stepped into the house, "Mel, are you up yet?" Helen carried Olivia upstairs and pushed the door of her bedroom open, Mel's suitcase was on the bed and Mel was throwing her clothes haphazardly into it. "What are you doing."
"I think it's clear what I'm doing Helen." Helen quickly took Olivia into her room, she dried her off, put her in dry clothes, and put her in her cot in record time. She dashed back into her room and grabbed Mel by the wrist momentarily stopping her frenetic packing.
"Stop! Tell me what's wrong."
"That." Mel looked at Helen through mascara streaked eyes and pointed at a notepad which sat on the windowsill.
"Oh." Helen dropped her grip,
"It's about Nikki isn't it? Nikki and you, you and Nikki, the two of you."
"I started writing it before you came back."
"Helen! For gods sake listen to yourself. You are in love with her, you need to accept it and tell her! It's obvious to me now that I was your safety option, Nikki's the big unknown for you, your first real relationship with a woman."
"Mel."
"It's ok Helen really it is. I wish I could have been to you what you are to me, but it's not meant to be." Helen's eyes began to well up and she sat down on the edge of the bed as Mel put her last things in her case.
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't it's ok." Mel bent down and kissed Helen on the forehead, "I'm going to go and stay in a hotel for a couple of days before I fly out. I'm going to need some time though, I'll contact you ok." Helen nodded, "Helen please sort things out with Nikki."
"I think it's too late."
"Whether it is or not you need to tell her how you feel, she took the plunge with you. She deserves that at least."
CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
Mel sat in the bar at the Hadlington hotel a cosmopolitan between her hands. She ran her fingers down the glass capturing the condensation with the tips. She couldn't remember how many times she had looked from the clock to the door but she knew she was on her second cocktail. A polite cough from behind woke her from her reverie, she turned to find that her invited guest had arrived.
Yvonne curled her feet up underneath her and wrapped two hands around the mug of tea just passed to her by Karen. Though their relationship was in a fledgling state there was a state of contentment about it that Yvonne knew she could get used to. They had been friends since Karen had moved to the Harbourne store from Oxford 5 years previously. Back then neither of them would have imagined themselves in the situation they were but there was no denying that it felt right.
"Found some jaffa cakes!" Karen grinned and flung herself down on sofa next to Yvonne, "I knew they were in there somewhere!"
"Bloody hell if I'd have known that you were a jaffa freak I would have thought twice about getting involved with you!" Yvonne lifted her arm so that Karen could lean against her. Karen was just about to defend herself when the phone rang. Yvonne inwardly groaned and moved her arm so that Karen could get up. She noticed a brief shadow pass across Karen's face as she got up to answer the phone.
"Hello?" Yvonne sipped her tea, "Piss off!" Yvonne nearly spilt the scolding liquid over her as she jumped at Karen's raised voice.
"What the hell was that for? Double glazing?" Yvonne's chuckle caught in her throat quickly as she saw that Karen was upset. One hand covered her eyes while the other still clutched the cordless phone. Yvonne swiftly moved across the room, she took the phone out of Karen's hands putting it briefly to her ear, hearing nothing but a dial tone she set it down and led Karen back to the sofa. She rubbed her back gently,
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"
"It's nothing." Yvonne raised her eyebrows,
"This is me, do you honestly expect me to believe that?" Karen smiled weakly,
"No, I guess not. I've been getting calls."
"What kind of calls?"
"You know silent calls."
"Maybe it's a call centre." Karen shook her head vigorously.
"No there's someone there I know there is. I have checked, caller withheld number every time."
"How long?" Karen shrugged, "Karen?"
"I don't know, a while, I've just been ignoring it, and I've been preoccupied with nicer things." Yvonne smiled,
"You should have said. We'll sort it out."
"We will?"
"Yes we will." They settled back on the sofa. Karen lay her head on Yvonne's shoulder feeling much better that a weight had been lifted. Yvonne could feel her blood boil, who the hell would target Karen? There was no way she was going to sit back and let someone terrify Karen, no way.
Mel cast an approving eye over Nikki's form as she leant against the bar waiting for her drink. There was no denying that she was an attractive woman. Nikki shrugged off her jacket and put it on the back of her chair opposite Mel. She sipped her drink and looked at Mel warily.
"I won't bite."
"I'm sure you won't, I'm just wondering why you wanted to see me and to be honest why I agreed to come."
"Helen." Nikki raised her eyebrows questioningly, "She's why I asked you here and she's why you agreed to come." Nikki continued to sip her drink. She sat back in her seat and stretched her legs out under the table crossing them at the ankles.
"Go on.'
"She loves you." Nikki shook her head,
"Nope. Look I don't know what's gone on between the two of you but Helen doesn't see me like that and to be honest I'm not sure how comfortable I am talking to you about this."
"Me and Helen aren't together. I fly to Cork tomorrow morning and by the end of the month I'll be back in Australia. There is nothing stopping you and Helen being together, nothing except the fact you are both bloody stubborn and crap at saying what you mean." Nikki was taken aback. It was quite refreshing being told some home truths by a relative stranger but Nikki felt like she was being told off, and she hated being told off.
"I'm not stubborn, well not as stubborn as Helen anyway. Look why all of this now, I thought you and Helen were getting on well."
"We were, we do, it's just we're not meant to be a couple that's all."
"Since when?"
"Since earlier today, I'm not going to tell you exactly what happened Helen can do that but what I will say is the fact that you and Helen are meant to be together suddenly became very apparent."
"I asked her, I told her how I felt. You were there!"
"She was confused, seeing me brought back memories. I'm her past not her future."
"You seemed like a close couple to me."
"We go back a long way, I'm the first woman she slept with Nikki." Nikki visibly winced, "I can't change that, and believe me I don't want to she's very special to me." Mel paused to finish her drink never once dropping her intense gaze. "You're not with your girlfriend anymore are you?" Nikki shook her head,
"No, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to leap into another relationship."
"I'd agree with you usually but if you don't do something this chance you and Helen have will disappear. She's had a rough year Nikki."
"I know, she told me about Cerys."
"Everything?"
"That she was killed by a drunk driver, she was her best friend, Helen was devastated."
"Helen was in love with Cerys Nikki."
"But she was…"
"Her brother's wife, yes. It's why she fell apart when she died. She felt guilty for her feelings and didn't know what to do without her. She's only just coming to terms with it all and you're the reason why. You might shake your head but it's true. Cerys was everything to her but since she met you she can see a future."
"Where do you fit in?" Mel's eyes misted briefly and she swallowed hard.
"I'm her friend, nothing more. I love her and I'll always be grateful that I had the chance to allow Helen to be the person she really is. She just doesn't love me in the same way, not in the way she loved Cerys and not in the way she loves you." Nikki felt a sudden rush of sorrow for the woman sitting in front of her. She'd never been in the position of loving someone and not being loved back. Her relationship with Frances might be over and might have been difficult but she knew that Frances in her own way had loved her. Mel was a strong woman she had to admit that, she seemed to be evidence though that perhaps it wasn't better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before, she was devastated. Nikki finished her own drink and pulled her jacket off the chair.
"I've got a lot to think about." She leant down and kissed Mel on the cheek, "I appreciate what you've done. You'll make somebody very happy one day." Mel nodded and watched Nikki gracefully leave the bar. She knew that given an opportunity Nikki would make Helen very happy, she was trying as hard as she could to be happy for them but god was it hard.
Nikki walked for a long time, she didn't know for how long or how far but eventually she found herself back at her car. Most of her mind was ecstatic. Hearing that Helen loved her was what she'd wanted to hear for a while. If she was honest from the moment Helen had walked into Supersavers part of her had wanted her. She was attractive, but more than that she looked at Nikki and understood her without having to try. Frances had never really understood her, she'd cared about her but she'd didn't quite get her. The hours Nikki had spent with Helen at the pub by the canal, and in Stratford had been glorious and simple. No politics, no work, just the two of them talking and connecting on a level Nikki had never before experienced. She checked her phone for a message from Yvonne, she was at Karen's, so Nikki began to make her way there. They were spending a lot of time together, not that strange but Nikki hadn't realised that they were that close. She felt guilty, she'd neglected her friends terribly over recent months. She couldn't blame Yvonne for spending time with Karen, Nikki hadn't been a shining example of a good friend. She felt the need to be around her friends, if things between her and Helen did work out she'd be damned sure to leave time for others.
Yvonne opened the door, hugging her tightly as she stepped inside,
"How did it go darlin'?"
"Ok I guess, very strange. Where's Karen?"
"She's upstairs, hungry? We've just had a chicken salad there's some left I think." Yvonne went through to the kitchen and began rustling up something for Nikki. Karen appeared, towelling still damp hair obviously just having come from a hot shower.
"Hey Nik." Karen kissed Nikki on the cheek, 'you ok?" Nikki nodded, watching Karen as she moved into the kitchen, her hand brushed Yvonne's back as she walked past her and they smiled at each other. Nikki furrowed her brow and looked from one to the other, no, surely not.
"Nik what's up? You look confused." Yvonne paused from slicing the chicken and looked at Nikki.
"You and you." Nikki pointed at both of them, "when were you going to fill me in on this little scenario?" Karen glanced at Yvonne, and shrugged, clearly leaving it to Yvonne to explain.
"What are you talking about Nik?"
"Oh please, I may be emotionally off centre at the moment but I'm not bloody stupid. You could bottle the sexual tension in here it's that thick, and you." She pointed towards Karen, "couldn't look more just shagged if you tried. So unless you've got some random bloke hidden upstairs that just leaves Von." Karen chewed her bottom lip nervously,
"Are you mad?"
"No, but considering you both got pissed off that I didn't tell you about Frances I'd say you were both on decidedly shaky moral ground." Nikki crossed her arms and tried to look as mad as possible, whilst a grin began to materialise across her face. "It is rather unexpected."
"You're telling me!" Yvonne smiled, "it's not been going on long Nik, and we're only just working it out ourselves." Yvonne passed Nikki a plate full of salad and chicken, before moving to stand next to Karen, her arm falling comfortably around her waist. Karen smiled and kissed Yvonne on the cheek,
"It's going quite well so far though!"
"Mmm." Nikki mumbled between mouthfuls, "so I can see! Well it's nice someone's life is going well. Sorry bitter that wasn't it, really I'm very pleased for you both. It's good to see two of my friends happy even if it's two that I never imagined would be together." Yvonne and Karen smiled at each other and joined Nikki at the table, Karen poured them all a glass of white wine.
"Well? Come on Nik what happened?"
"Mel was very pleasant, she said that Helen loves me and basically accused us both of being stubborn cows!" Yvonne shook her head,
"Cheeky mare! I mean she's right you are a stubborn cow but not sure it's her place."
"That's what I thought but actually it was helpful." Karen nodded and she briefly gripped Nikki's hand,
"So what now? I mean I think you and Helen would be great together, but you both clearly come complete with a healthy set of baggage."
"Who doesn't darlin'?" Yvonne stood and kissed Karen on the head, she began to pace around the kitchen, "Nik you've got to decide what you want and go for it, Helen won't hang around forever."
"Neither will I!"
"Not the time to be stubborn Nik, Helen's had a tough time of it by the sound of it, don't let her slip through your fingers."
Helen dabbed the corners of her eyes with a tissue, how had she managed to mess everything up! She'd only just come to terms with being gay and in the space of two days she'd lost two beautiful women who she loved. She should have been at Supersavers but she didn't want to risk bumping into Nikki, Selena had said she wasn't due in until the beginning of the new week but Nikki was the sort of conscientious manager who would pop in to see everyone. Helen had hated calling in sick but she couldn't cope with seeing Nikki.
"Alright sis?" Duncan flopped down beside her on the sofa,
"Yeah, magic."
"Sorry bit of a stupid question that one. What are you going to do, see Nikki?"
"Duncan! She came round here told me how she felt and I said no thanks got someone else! Do you think she's going to want to see me?"
"You don't know until you try."
"I do know and there's no way I'm going to get rejected again."
"Again? What do you mean Hel?" Helen looked at Duncan, should she tell him, what would that achieve?
"Nothing, nothing I'm just being silly." Helen reassumed her faraway look. Duncan looked at her concerned. There was something else going on, something that Helen had yet to share but it was clearly eating her up.