Ooops sorry about error – uploaded the wrong bit! Should be fine now though!
CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN
Two weeks had passed since Nikki had met Mel and since Mel had left Helen. Both women had managed to successfully avoid each other to the exasperation of their mutual friends. Nikki had just about settled back in to her job, though she had yet to go back full time. She was taking her time, easing herself back in. Helen had asked for a week off, which Nikki had swiftly granted, then with some creative shuffling Nikki had ensured that they were not on any shifts at the same time. Selena and Yvonne had watched with a mixture of bemusement and annoyance.
"They'd be so good together though!"
"I know that darlin', but what can we do? Pass the brown sauce would you." Selena pushed the bottle across the table then replaced her chin in her hand.
"Is he not coming back then?" Yvonne grimaced over the top of her bacon sandwich,
"Only for a couple of days luckily to hand over to the new manager, then he's off. Out of our lives for good thank god. I hope he has fun in wherever it is he's going."
"Brecon I think. Very picturesque apparently."
"Arse back of no where in English!"
"When's Karen back from her training?"
"Few days before Jim, they've got to complete the hand over together."
"I'm so pleased Karen agreed to take the job, she'll be a great store manager, don't you think Von?" Yvonne nodded, there were a lot of things Karen was good at and she couldn't wait for her to return to help refresh her memory. "Von? Where did you just disappear off to? Somewhere nice?"
"Wouldn't you like to know love!"
"I would actually, come on Yvonne I'll share if you will."
"You've got nothing to share! You and Helen's brother, there's no secret there."
"So you have got a secret to share then?"
"I might have, I'm certainly not about to share it with you over a bacon sandwich in the staff canteen. Don't pout Selena! I'll fill you in, all in good time."
"I think break time's over ladies, Selena I need you to take over on the front end please." Selena glanced forlornly at her half finished cup of coffee, her own fault really for talking too much, but Nikki would usually cut her some slack. Not at the moment though, the new super efficient Nikki ran her shifts to the minutes.
"Right ok, see you later Von."
"Ok darlin'." Nikki slumped into the chair opposite Yvonne and using her fingers made a T shape which she waved in the direction of the two Julies. She began to bite the skin at the side of her nails. Yvonne continued to eat her sandwich in silence flicking though not reading through the Sun at the same time.
"Go on."
"What Nik?"
"You're dying to tell me what a bitch I'm being to my staff and that ordering Selena about like that is out of order."
"Would it help you if I did?"
"No."
"Then I won't. Would you look at the state of Jordan, bloody hell she gets worse."
"Yvonne!"
"What? Look Nik, if you want to talk to me then talk to me. I'm not going to sit and talk to you like your bloody mother. You know you're being a miserable cow, you know you're making your staff unhappy, you know that you're pining after Helen. You don't need me to tell you all those things Nik."
"I'm not pining."
"Whatever Nikki. Look when you decide what you want and if there's anything I can do come to me. Until then bloody cheer up and start treating your staff as if they mean something to you." Yvonne pushed her chair out and left the room. Nikki absentmindedly stirred her tea with a spoon. She didn't blame Yvonne for any of the things she had said, she was right, she needed to get a grip.
Yvonne slammed the training room door. Nikki was so infuriating! She was only prevented from throwing something by the phone ringing. The long tone indicated an internal call.
"Yes."
"Yvonne, it's Monica here. I have Helen on the phone, she says she needs to speak to you."
"Ok. Helen?"
"Hi Yvonne."
"What can I do for you?"
"I need some time off, I know I have just had a week but something has come up."
"Has it? Or do you just not want to see Nikki?"
"Things are difficult between us yes, but no that's not it. I need to go to Scotland." Something about the tone of Helen's voice made Yvonne wonder whether she meant for good.
"How long?"
"I don't know."
"Helen! Look anyone else I'd tell them to piss off, don't try and take advantage because we're friends. You must know how long you need, or is this a strange way of giving in your resignation?" The pause in Helen's response was enough for Yvonne, Helen was going to leave they wouldn't see her again in the store.
"Two weeks at the most."
"You've already sorted it haven't you?"
"My plane leaves at 2 tomorrow afternoon from Birmingham."
"I thought you were only going to Scotland?"
"I am, I'm flying to Edinburgh then driving to Stirling."
"Helen."
"I know, I know I don't want you to fire me Yvonne and I know I'm pushing it but this is something I need to do."
"Unpaid leave ok?"
"Thank you."
"See you soon Helen."
"Yeah ok Yvonne, thanks, bye." Yvonne replaced the receiver, her hand rested on it long after the call with Helen had ended. She was sure she had detected a note of finality in Helen's voice, maybe she had decided enough was enough. No more games with Miss Wade, return to Scotland and start again. She couldn't blame her. The question was should she tell Nikki and give her a chance to tell Helen how she felt?
"Everything ok?" Duncan relieved Helen of the phone and dropped the requested suitcase on to the bed.
"Yes, Yvonne's given me two weeks off."
"Are you sure that you need to go to Stirling, surely a phone call to Claire would be enough. You could email your manuscript."
"I could but I would rather take it in person and talk to Claire myself. Seeing Mum and Dad will be nice too." Duncan made an exasperated noise somewhere between a tut and a sigh. "What!"
"You are running away, off you go! You could just talk to Nikki."
"Thank you Duncan for your words of wisdom, when I need your advice I'll ask for it. Now if you don't mind I've got quite a bit of packing to do before tomorrow." Helen turned towards her suitcase and began to put some clothes in, she didn't hear Duncan leave the room, she didn't bother to turn around. She was looking forward to being in Scotland again, clear air, beautiful scenery. Despite her melancholy mood she was also excited about her book. Claire had been her closest friend when she was an editor, she was now a partner in one of the largest publishing houses in the country and as luck would have it she was in Edinburgh for a couple of days checking up on how a new office was running. She was the only person Helen trusted to look at her new book, she was reasonably confident that it was quite good but she still had immensely strong pangs of doubt, crippling pangs if truth be told. Claire was one of the few people who could alleviate those doubts.
"Denny is off at 5, the change order has been done, and till number 3 crashed earlier so I've shut it down and counted it up, ok?"
"Sure Nik, no problem."
"Thanks Dom, see you tomorrow." Nikki ran her hand through her short hair and unclipped her name badge. A warm bath and a few chapters of her current book should be enough to lift her out of her dark mood.
"Nikki a word please." Yvonne beckoned her into the training room. Nikki sauntered in and pushed her hands deep into the pockets of her black trousers. Her eyes focused on the carpet beneath her feet. "Nikki please don't do that, you look like Dennis the bloody Menace, you just need a red and black stripy jumper!"
"Is that what I am?"
"A menace? Yes Nikki you are a bloody menace, a thorn in my side, and a miserable cow sometimes! I wouldn't change you though, come here you daft mare!" Yvonne stood and held her arms out wide for Nikki. Nikki smiled weakly and fell gratefully into Yvonne's soothing embrace. Yvonne rocked her gently and rubbed her hand up and down Nikki's back. "What am I going to do with you?" Nikki pulled away and sniffed loudly, desperately trying to hold the tears at bay.
"Dunno."
"Go home Nik, sort your head and come in tomorrow and tell me how you feel about Helen."
"Why?"
"Look! Don't question, just do it Nik ok?"
"Ok, thanks Yvonne, you know I…."
"Yeah yeah darlin', love you too!" Yvonne shook her head as Nikki left the room, Ritchie had never needed anything from Yvonne. He'd been his father's shadow from the moment he could walk. Lauren had always been little miss independent, shrugging off help if and when it was offered. 'I can do it.', 'Lauren do it!'. Yvonne could still hear her adamant little voice now. Nikki brought out her motherly nature, she might look arrogant, cocky even, but there was a vulnerability about Nikki that touched Yvonne. The phone rang, interrupting her musings.
"Yes, this is Yvonne."
"Yvonne it's Dominic, Karen Betts on the phone for you."
"Excellent." A lazy smile spread across Yvonne's face as she stretched out in the chair. "This is a pleasant surprise Miss Betts."
"What are you still doing at work Von! I was hoping for a nice intimate chat with you at home."
"Well it seems we are without a manager currently so guess who's holding the fort. How's the course?"
"Oh the usual management speak, this and this for the good of the company, that and that for the good of the store. The stuff we do day in and day out, just broken up into small graduate sized pieces. Yvonne.."
"Yes."
"I miss you." Yvonne's heart skipped a beat, as Karen's voice dropped to a lower, huskier tone.
"I miss you too, my bed is too big and too cold without you." Karen groaned,
"Don't Yvonne, just hearing your voice is killing me."
"Oh yes."
"No! I mean it, stop it. Talk to me about your day, how's Nik?" Yvonne chuckled and then explained the new developments to Karen, Nikki's foul moods and Helen's request for time off. "So you really think that Helen won't come back?"
"I'm not sure, there was just something about the way she asked for the time off."
"Why not tell Nikki then?"
"She's so confused Karen, I've never seen her like this, that's why I told her to go away and think about how she feels about Helen."
"I don't know about Nikki but I'm confused Von."
"If she comes in tomorrow and tells me she loves Helen as we both know she does then I'll tell her about Helen leaving."
"I'm sure you've made this all more complicated than it needs to be darling." Yvonne inwardly smiled at Karen's use of the endearment, which she was sure had slipped out unnoticed.
"I look forward to you getting back sweetheart and then you can tell me how to handle these situations!." Karen laughed heartily at the other end.
"Ok! I hold my hands up I'm not there it's all down to you. You absolutely must keep me updated though."
"I will, Karen this has been the longest fortnight of my life."
"I know, me too. When I get back we are going to spend some quality time together."
"Sounds good to me."
"I've got to go, more dull dinners with dull people."
"I'm jealous of them, they get all your time and attention."
"When I'm back darling all my time and attention will be yours, ok?"
"Ok, bye Karen."
"Bye." As the line went dead Yvonne held the phone to her chest, she missed Karen terribly. In some way though missing Karen was good, it vindicated how she felt when they were together. It had been too good to be true at first. When Karen had packed her bags and left for the course Yvonne had been worried that whatever spell had been cast upon them would evaporate, but it hadn't. The strength of feeling if anything had become stronger. She missed waking up next to Karen, she missed her humming to the radio regardless of song genre, she just missed her. The day had been a long one, and the added responsibility had made it seem even longer. She picked up her keys and began to ready herself for home, she flicked through the numerous keys on the ring alighting eventually on the key for Karen's house. There was only one place she wanted to sleep.
CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT
It was a Nikki full of renewed vigour and desire who arrived at work the following day.
"You ok Nik?" Cassie looked with concern at her friend and boss as she signed in. Nikki looked up with a broad grin,
"Couldn't be better mate, you?"
"Mmm not bad, I guess. Nikki have you slept since yesterday?"
"No not really, but I feel great!" Nikki tossed the pen onto the desk and swinging her bag by her side sauntered up the aisle. Cassie was sure she was swaying as she did so. Nikki had sat up most of the night, a Frances free flat had ensured peace and quiet and a bottle of expensive wine had ensured lucid thoughts. She had turned the situation inside out, upside down, and back again. No matter which way she looked at it she ended up at the same conclusion. She wanted Helen. Her late night vigil delving into the depths of her own wants and needs had left her somewhat dazed, but what did that matter?
"Come in." Nikki could tell from the tone of Yvonne's voice that she was already tired of being 'the boss'.
"Morning Von."
"Well well, someone's certainly found the joys of spring."
"And someone is clearly bored of being in charge." Nikki countered.
"Touché Nik, touché. Karen is more than welcome to all this crap, I'm quite happy as a lowly assistant."
"You're more than that to her aren't you though!"
"Oi! Watch it Wade. Do I take it from your renewed light-hearted bantering mood that you have finally come to something like a conclusion?"
"Yep."
"Care to share?"
"I love her." Yvonne choked slightly on her rapidly cooling coffee.
"What?"
"I love her, isn't that what you expected me to say?"
"Yes, though I don't think I expected you to be quite so unequivocal about it, I thought you would be slightly unsure."
"Nope. I know exactly what I want."
"Why do you look so wild eyed?"
"No sleep, but that doesn't matter." Nikki raised herself off the desk and began walked from one end of the room to the other, wringing her hands as she went. "I was up all night thinking, about her, about me, about the two of us. Is it too soon after Frances, do I want to be hurt again, am I willing to take a chance." Nikki continued to mumble incoherently. Yvonne felt somewhat like a spectator of a tennis match. Her neck and head followed Nikki of their accord, her eyes assumed a look of puzzlement. Nikki had clearly not slept in the slightest, as her ramblings confirmed.
"Nikki please sit down, Nikki!" Yvonne was forced to raise her voice in order to grab Nikki's attention. "Ok you need to listen very carefully, not interrupt.."
"But.."
"Do not interrupt, and please don't shout when I get to the end of what I'm going to tell you, ok?" Nikki nodded mutely and settled into a chair, her wide, sleep deprived eyes flitted from Yvonne to the door and back again. Yvonne relayed to Nikki exactly what Helen had said and her thoughts about how permanent Helen's absence might be. To her credit Nikki managed to remain quiet for the entire length of Yvonne's explanation, she continued to twist her hands together but she did not interrupt. Yvonne concluded and fell silent waiting for Nikki's response.
"So she's leaving."
"Well for a fortnight yes."
"You think for good though?"
"This is simply my opinion Nik, but she sounded quite final about it."
"When is her flight?"
"2, I think." Nikki glanced at the clock on the wall, and then at her own watch.
"11.30."
"Nikki?"
"I'm going."
"Where, why?"
"Where? The airport obviously, why? Because I love Helen and if there is a chance that's she's leaving for good I want to stop her."
"If she really is only going for a couple of weeks?"
"Then I'll look like a prat, but she'll know how I feel." Yvonne couldn't really fault Nikki's sleep deprived logic. "Are you going to pull rank and tell me I can't leave?"
"What do you think?"
"Thanks Yvonne." Nikki left the store as quickly as her longer than average legs could take her. Her phone was already open and dialling Helen's mobile before she had left the store.
"You have reached the O2 voicemail messaging service for.."
"Bollocks!" Nikki flicked through her numbers again and tried Helen's home number, no joy there either. She was opening her car door by the time she found Duncan's mobile number. The car was revving and ready to go by the time the phone was answered.
"Nikki?"
"Duncan? Finally! Where's Helen?"
"She's at the airport, don't tell me you want her to work? She cleared it with Yvonne, I know she probably should have gone through you but, well, things aren't easy and.."
"Yes yes I know Duncan. When does her flight leave?"
"2pm."
"With?"
"Bmi, I think, but why?"
"Thank you! I'll explain later, bye!" Nikki slammed her car into reverse and sped out of the car park.
Helen had told Duncan to leave as soon as he had dropped her off, Olivia was getting restless and airports were depressing places to spend lengthy amounts of time. She was quite happy sitting in a coffee shop, with a book and a large cup of latte. She had a while to wait there was no point going through to departures just yet.
Nikki's haphazard parking was sure to get her a ticket or even clamped but she really couldn't care less. She grabbed her jacket and bag and launched herself towards the terminal building. Her boots skidded as they hit the sharply polished tiled floor but she managed to maintain her balance. A member of airport staff was innocently pushing trolleys through the building when Nikki accosted him.
"Edinburgh, Bmi, where?" Nikki's chest heaved as her lungs tried to provide her body with oxygen, that exertion and adrenalin had sapped.
"What love?"
"Flights to Edinburgh, where are they going from?"
"Oh right, erm, over there I think." He pointed vaguely across the terminal building and Nikki noted the direction of his finger set off at an increased speed. After a few more moments of wild eyed demands and requests she finally slid up to the Bmi desk. A perfectly made up, young woman who bore a remarkable resemblance to Barbie, turned towards Nikki.
"Good afternoon madam, and how can I help you?"
"The Edinburgh flight, the one leaving in.." Nikki squinted at her watch, the numbers seemed to be swirling around, "45 minutes."
"Yes?" Barbie continued to smile.
"Are all passengers on?"
"I'm afraid that information is unavailable madam."
"Why?"
"I'm not at liberty to share that information."
"Of course you're not." Nikki glanced behind her at the information board. "Is there a problem with the flight, it's not on time?"
"I'm not at…"
"Liberty to say? What a surprise. Would you be at liberty to say if I were a passenger on that flight?"
"Are you?"
"What?"
"A passenger on the flight madam?"
"Of course I'm bloody not, do you think I'd be playing 100 bloody questions with you if I were?"
"Probably not madam, would you like a place on the flight?"
"Yes, yes I would."
"I think the flight is full and you're very late, it is recommended that you arrive an hour and a half before departure."
"Yes I've heard that, I apologise, any space then?"
"Just checking now madam, do you have appropriate identification?"
"Which would be?"
"A passport…" Nikki groaned, "Or a driving licence?"
"Yes! Sorry yes I do have a driving licence." Probably not for much longer she thought as her driving to the airport and subsequent parking had left much to be desired. The woman continued to um and ah, annoyingly clicking her tongue against the front of her teeth. Nikki was very tempted to tell her stop but she didn't want to do anything to jeopardise the slim chance she currently had of getting on the flight.
"Ok, well that's 158, how would you like to pay?"
"To Edinburgh? Seriously? Are you sure that little gizmo isn't playing up? You haven't popped in Lisbon by accident have you?"
"No madam, you are very late you see. In fact if we do not complete this transaction within the next 15 minutes you will be unable to join the flight at all."
"Fine." Nikki reluctantly handed over her mastercard.
"Ok then, all seems in order, could you pop your pin number in for me. Lovely, any luggage?"
"Are you trying to be funny?"
"No madam. Here is your receipt, and boarding card. Have a safe journey with Bmi." Nikki shook her head as she dashed towards the boarding gates, how some people even got up in the morning without falling over was beyond her.
Nikki had forgotten how large the departure lounge in Birmingham was. She had flown from Heathrow with Frances to Mexico. Shops, seating areas, Helen could be anywhere really. She looked at one of the TV screens, scanning for the flight number and boarding gate. By the looks of it they had already started boarding the flight, gate 14. Helen was probably there ready to get on the flight.
Helen shuffled forward with everyone else as they were ushered like cattle towards the boarding gate. She told herself every time she came to an airport, don't go to the gate too early you'll end up in a huge annoying queue. Where was she now? In a huge annoying queue. Unbeknown to Helen Nikki had now joined the huge queue and was jumping up and down attempting to spot the shorter woman.
"Do you mind?" An elderly lady behind Nikki poked her sharply in the back, "must you jump around like a kangaroo?"
"Yes I must, and ow, I do mind being poked." Nikki carried on hopping she thought she could see Helen near the front of the line but she wasn't sure.
"What are you trying to do?"
"Find someone."
"Wouldn't asking for a tannoy announcement be a good idea rather then leaping about like that?" Nikki landed heavily after a particularly high jump. She had to admit that was an excellent idea, though a bit too late, might have saved herself some money too.
"It would have yes. Sorry." Nikki turned and smiled apologetically at the woman behind.
"No time to change then?" Nikki looked down at her Supersavers uniform and hastily detached her name badge.
"Erm no! I left in a bit of a rush, there's someone who I really need to see."
"Obviously." Nikki kept her eyes focused on the check in desk, it was Helen, she could see her properly now!
"Helen!"
"Must you yell?"
"Yes! Helen!" A few people looked around but not Helen who was past the ticket desk and making her way down the tunnel towards the plane. Nikki cursed under her breath, she was actually going to have to get on the plane, what a nightmare.
Helen was settled in her aisle seat, with the in flight magazine already open on her lap before she realised that there was something wrong. Surely not. There was someone with a voice just like Nikki. Helen looked up, Nikki had just got on the plane and was remonstrating with the steward, pointing towards her and waving her ticket around. Helen shrunk into her seat, what was going on!
"Madam, you need to take your seat, your numbered seat from your ticket."
"Ok, ok!" Nikki sullenly began to follow the steward to her seat passing Helen as she did.
"Helen!"
"What the hell are you doing here? Are you mad, you're in your bloody uniform!"
"I know, I need…"
"Madam please you are causing an obstruction."
"Alright!" Nikki finally took her seat which turned out to be at least 10 rows behind Helen, but only 1 behind the elderly lady from the ticket queue.
"You're not going to carry on causing a scene are you dear?"
"I might do." Nikki crossed her arms and stared down the aisle towards Helen. Helen turned around, seeing Nikki's intense glare, quickly turned back towards the front of the plane. She could feel Nikki's dark eyes boring into the back of her head. Why was Nikki here, in her uniform? The standard safety talk, and chat from the captain seemed to take longer than ever. Nikki knew Helen was deliberately not turning around and she couldn't get up to talk to her until they were well and truly airborne. Finally the plane was taxiing towards the runway, moments later the plane was in the air, Nikki's eyes were glued on the seatbelt light waiting until the moment she could take off her seatbelt and go and speak to Helen. The light blinked off and Nikki was out of her seat like a greyhound. She knelt at the side of Helen's seat.
"What the hell are you doing here Nikki?"
"I had to see you, Yvonne said you were going and I just knew I had to see you."
"Why for Christ sake?" Helen hissed looking around to see how many people were listening to their conversation, half the plane it would seem.
"You know why." Nikki glanced over at the man sitting next to Helen, he was looking more and more uncomfortable and was staring intently out of the window. "Excuse me, would you made swapping seats with me, just for half an hour." Nikki hastily added as the steward stared at her. "We'll all return to our proper seats before the flight lands, promise." The man nodded seemingly grateful to be out of whatever was going on between Nikki and Helen. Helen shuffled over to the window seat and Nikki settled next to her.
"You're in your uniform, I bet you haven't got any luggage and you've jumped on a flight to Scotland, are you completely mad?"
"Probably, but when Yvonne said you were leaving.."
"For a fortnight!"
"She said that it sounded like you weren't going to come back." Helen laughed shortly as she realised what had happened.
"The thought crossed my mind Nikki but no, I'll be coming back. You thought you'd make some kind of big romantic gesture then?"
"Nothing about this situation is romantic Helen." Nikki looked down and fingered her uniform, "It is a gesture of kinds though. I love you."
"God you pick your moments don't you?"
"There never has been a good moment where we're concerned has there? I thought I should just tell you. Now Mel has left there's nothing stopping us, is there?" Helen picked up on the questioning tone in Nikki's voice.
"No."
"Then why so cynical Helen?"
"I don't want us not to work."
"Why won't we?"
"Other situations that haven't.
"Helen you can't live in the past. You can't measure every new possible relationship against other people, other people you have cared about."
"I know, but it's hard."
"Yes it is but you'll never know until you try and you won't be alone will you. You'll have me." Nikki tentatively took Helen's hand, hoping she wouldn't pull away. She didn't but Nikki could sense the tension, it was coming off Helen in waves. "Look I'm not asking anything of you Helen."
"But you are! The fact you chased after me onto a plane suggests you're expecting something to happen."
"You already know how I feel, and yes I would love to see how far this thing between us can go, but I want to be your friend more than anything Helen. The last couple of weeks have been awful, I've been so miserable. I want you back as a friend first." Nikki's words seemed to calm Helen and her face broke into a broad grin.
"I've missed you too."
"So?"
"So let's see what happens." Nikki hadn't realised she'd been holding her breath until she heard Helen's words. A huge weight lifted from her shoulders and her chest. "Do I take it that's the answer you wanted?" Helen smirked and raised her eyebrow.
"Definitely." Nikki spent the rest of the flight with her head resting on Helen's shoulder sleeping as Helen read a magazine. 15 minutes before they were due to land the cabin crew came round to check seats and Helen gently shook Nikki awake.
"Nikki, sweetheart are you awake?"
"Mmm, no. But I might be if you call me that again in your gorgeous accent."
"Come on shift, my arm's going dead. Everyone in this part of the country talks like me so if that's the only reason you're interested…"
"And the romance is shattered!" Nikki found herself on the end of a particularly vicious stare by the same steward who had ushered her to her seat, "I'm going! See you in a minute." Nikki leant over and kissed Helen gently on the forehead and then stumbled to her seat.
"Back are you dear?"
"So it would seem."
"Find what you were looking for?" Helen turned around and beamed at Nikki who smiled contentedly back.
"I think I did yes."