CHAPTER THREE: GOING TO THE DEKU TREE
White: Okay, guys, let's go see what the Deku Tree wants, now that we have-
Mido: STOP! No PASS if no have SWORD and SHIELD! Too DANGEROUS because MONSTERS and STUFF!
White: Yeah, we're all armed. Wanna let us-
Mido: WHAT? HOW that HAPPEN? I tell guy not to OPEN secret ROOM with SWORDS but he OPEN it!
White: That's great. Now move it.
Mido: STOP! No PASS if no have INDUSTRIAL strength CONDOM!
Black: Mido, you're seriously asking for a sword up the ass.
Mido: Okay, FINE. moves out of the way
White: Thank god.
Yellow: Hey, guys, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?
White: No, what?
Yellow: D-
Deku Baba: Roar.
Yellow: WOAH!
Navi: It's a Deku Baba! Slash it with your sword and you'll get a stick!
Black: What?
Navi: …Just kill it.
Black: pokes Deku Baba with the point of the sword
Deku Baba: Yoiks! dies
Black: Oh cool, a Deku Stick… so, how is this different than a normal stick?
Navi: It burns!
Black: So… how is it different than a normal stick?
Navi: You can burn it.
Black: Right, but how is it-
Deku Baba: I'm baaaack!
Black: pokes Deku Baba with the point of the sword
Deku Baba: Yoiks! dies
Black: Okay, forget about it. Let's move on.
The four arrive at the Deku Tree's garden.
Deku Tree: Holy guacamole… I'm seeing triple…
Navi: What?
Deku Tree: There's like, three little kids, with swords, and they're like wearing different colored clothes… hooh hooh… I'm sooooo wasted…
Navi: You smoked pot again, didn't you.
Deku Tree: Well maybe I did and maybe I did.
Navi: Deku Tree, these are the three kids you wanted to see you.
Deku Tree: Oh ho ho, right! Yeah, I have a… duh… story to… uh… tell you, okay?
Yellow: All right, story time!
Deku Tree: Okay… so like, two men walk into a bar… actually, one of the men is a tree… so like… a man and a tree walk into a bar… and like, the man says "Yo, homie, gimme your Kokiri Emerald or I'll whoop yo ass." And the tree's all like, "Don't get all up in my face, girlfriend." And then like… yeah.
White: …Huh?
Yellow: That story sucked. Tell the one about those three little pigs and the wolfos!
Deku Tree: I don't know that one… uh… anyways, the moral of the story is that you need to go inside me and break a curse, so you can save the world, okay?
White: What does saving you have to do with saving the world?
Navi: Yeah, what if we just let you die?
Deku Tree: Well, there's a slingshot in me that you can have.
White: Why would we want a slingshot?
Deku Tree: So you can like… uh… kill spiders.
White: We can always buy a slingshot somewhere else.
Black: Or, like, an Uzi.
Deku Tree: Yeah, but this one's a Fairy Slingshot… which means like… it's made out of, uh, the blood and flesh of fairies…
Navi: You murderer!
Black: I don't care about slingshots anyways. Give us a better deal.
Deku Tree: I'll… uh… give you some weed if you save me… oh… and this shiny stone. takes out the Kokiri Emerald
Yellow: Woah, a shiny stone! Guys, come on, we have to go break the curse!
White: Okay, fine, whatever. Let's go.
Deku Tree: opens mouth
White: Wait, we have to go inside you?
Deku Tree: Yeah.
White: …When was the last time you brushed your teeth?
Deku Tree: I don't have teeth.
White: Sounds good.