Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A great big thanks to my betas AddictedtoEdward and 9chen. These ladies rock and I can't thank them enough for all their help!
I just stared at Alice as she stood in the doorway of my room. Her body was trembling with excess energy, and I got the distinct impression that she would have come and jumped on me if Jake hadn't been holding a restraining hand on her shoulder.
"Welcome home!" Alice smiled brightly, and I could see her eyes glistening with the tears she was trying hard not to shed.
If Jake was the brother of my heart, Alice Cullen was the sister. She'd been the one who had bounded up to me on my first day at Forks High and immediately welcomed me into her circle of friends. We'd been inseparable from that moment on, right up until we both had left for college two years later. Her parents, Carlisle and Esme, treated me like another daughter, and I spent almost as much time with her family as I did with Jake on the reservation in La Push.
"Wha – I didn't expect – I'm so happy!" I was thrilled to see her and opened my arms so she could jump into them. She crossed my room in one huge leap and we were embracing in less than a heartbeat. I bit my lip as Alice's hug caused me to fall back against my pillows painfully. My back and hip protested, but I just closed my eyes and tried to block out the pain. We continued to hug tightly; I swallowed hard, and kept blinking so I wouldn't cry. It was bad enough that I broke down with Jake, and I refused to let my homecoming continue with constant tears.
I'd missed Alice terribly after the two of us had ended up on different coasts for college. I had stayed on the west coast, going to California State University in Sacramento to major in English. Alice had moved to New York to study Fashion Merchandising at the Fashion Institute of Technology. After graduation, I'd stayed in Sacramento for grad school, and then I got a job there teaching high school English. Alice split her time between New York and Paris after she'd gotten a job as a buyer for Saks Fifth Avenue.
We'd racked up huge long-distance phone bills, and it wasn't unusual for either of us to write or receive four or five emails a day. We did our best to see each other as often as possible, but it wasn't always easy with our obligations to work, school, and in Alice's case, a very active social life. It was hard going from seeing Alice and Jake practically every day to seeing them once, or twice, a year. It just wasn't practical to have more visits with everything going on in our lives. Thankfully, we had managed to stay as close as we'd been in high school, because without her, or Jake, I'm not sure I would have survived the last few months.
Alice and I separated, and I looked at her, grinning from ear to ear. "I can't believe you're here." My voice trembled as I tried to control my emotions.
"Of course I'm here," she replied with a teary grin. "Charlie called to tell me when you'd be home, so I booked the first flight out. Jake and I are on duty when Charlie's at work." Alice had a tight grip on my hand, almost like she was afraid that if she let go, I would disappear.
I looked over at Jake, who was picking up his jacket from my rocking chair. I cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean by 'on duty'?" I was fairly certain I wasn't going to like the answer.
Jake gave Alice a look that would have scared the crap out of most people, but since they'd been best friends for years, too, it didn't have close to the desired effect. She was cringing, though, so I knew she had said something she hadn't meant to.
"Someone had better explain," I began, feeling myself getting angry. "Now."
Alice shrugged, trying to dismiss my anger. "Charlie didn't want you left alone, but he really couldn't take any more time off from work. He considered hiring a nurse but thought you'd really throw a fit about that, so Jake and I are here to–" She broke off as I pulled my hand from hers and held it up.
"To what?" I spat, looking back and forth between Jacob and Alice. She was wringing her hands and refused to make eye contact with me. Jake rolled his eyes as he put his jacket on.
"It's just to make sure you don't overdo it, Bells. Now stop being a pain in the ass and catch up with Shorty." Jake crossed the room, where he stopped to give me a kiss on the top of my head and then kissed Alice's head as well. "I have to head back to La Push and make sure the guys haven't burned the garage down. Call me if you need anything; I'll call you both later." He looked at Alice meaningfully, and she nodded. He was out the door and down the stairs before I could open my mouth.
I glared at Alice. "I don't need a nurse."
She was biting her lip and her face was very serious when she said, "Okaaaaaay. Will you take a fashionista with juicy gossip instead?"
I chuckled and rolled my eyes because as much as I wanted everyone to stop treating me like a baby, I couldn't stay mad at her. I settled back on my pillows while she sat crossed-legged at the end of my bed. Alice looked radiant. She'd grown her hair out since the last time I had seen her; it was just below her ears now in a cute bob rather than the spiky pixie cut I was used to. Her translucent skin glowed and her brown eyes sparkled with emotion. I'd missed her, but hadn't realized just how much until she was sitting in front of me.
"You didn't have to come," I said quietly.
"You're my best friend, of course I did," she answered simply. With a small smile and a squeeze of my hand, she settled back and started filling me in on the latest gossip from New York and Paris, mentioning people I had only read about in magazines or seen on TV, but that she knew live and in person.
We talked for an hour, and I laughed until my sides ached at some of Alice's stories. I was wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes when Alice unfolded herself from where she was sitting on my bed. "Do you feel up for a walk? The park is pretty close," she asked as she stretched gracefully. I always envied her ballerina-like moves, mostly because I was such a klutz.
"Sounds good to me. Getting out of the house for a while would be nice." I moved gingerly to the edge of my bed and slowly stood up. Alice was watching me carefully, and I knew she was waiting to make sure I wouldn't fall flat on my face.
"Alice, I'm fine. I just ... move slower than usual these days." I shifted my weight from my left hip to my right and back again, testing to make sure it wouldn't give out on me when I took a step. It seemed okay, and I hoped it would stay that way while we walked to the park. I could really use some cooperation, for once, from my still-healing body, after all the roller coaster of emotions I'd experienced that day. It was hard enough going from sadness, to happiness, to annoyance and back to happiness. I really didn't need any more physical pain on top of all the emotional stuff.
Alice walked close in front of me as she led me down the stairs. I shook my head, knowing I would only hurt her if I fell, but deciding it wasn't worth an argument, either. I was starting to get annoyed with how closely she, Jake, and my dad were watching over me, but I also knew it was coming from a really good place. I knew they loved me and just wanted to make sure I wouldn't hurt myself while I continued to recover. Honestly, though, it was really starting to get on my nerves.
Alice skipped to the hall closet where she grabbed our coats. She saw my crutches leaning on the wall next to the front door. She looked over her shoulder at me and asked, "Do you need your crutches?"
"No," I snapped, buttoning my coat. When I saw the hurt look cross her face, I took a deep breath. Chill out. She just wants to make sure you'll be okay walking to the park.
I gave her a small smile, hoping to make amends. "I'll be okay, it really isn't that far."
She just nodded and watched me closely as I walked toward the front door. I started to feel irritated again, but I pushed it away and thought of other things as we walked at a sedate pace toward the Forks Community Park.
We were silent as we walked, but thankfully it wasn't uncomfortable. Alice and I had been friends for far too long to let some sharp words to come between us.
As we wandered down the sidewalk, I wondered what someone would notice about the two of us if they were watching us. I was wearing my simple black pea coat and Alice was dressed in a purple trench coat. The contrast between the two was amazing, and I thought it was a good analogy for how different Alice and I were. I was plain, simple, and basic; Alice was bright, colorful and stylish. Even after all these years, we were still as different as peanut butter and jelly. But just like the sandwich, when you put us together, it worked.
As we walked, I took the time to look around the neighborhood, realizing that, like Charlie's house, very few things had changed here. Mr. Wilson still had the best landscaping on the block and Mr. and Mrs. Crowley's dog was sleeping soundly on their front porch, just the way it had when we were in high school. It was comforting in its way, and I could feel myself calming down as I breathed in the fresh air. It was a typical cloudy day, but it wasn't raining for once. The temperature was in the mid-50s, and I could feel a slight sheen of sweat on my face, even though we were walking slowly.
The park came into view after a few minutes; Alice and I made our way over to the ancient swing set on the north side of the park. It had been a favorite place for us to go and to talk when we had been teenagers since there were no parents around to listen in on our deep conversations. Being here brought back happy memories, but again, I was swamped with a wave of sadness, remembering just how much my life had changed since those carefree days.
We settled into two swings next to each other, and even though my hip started burning the minute I sat down, I refused to move. I'd had to give up a lot since the accident and I wasn't about to let one more thing be taken away from me. It was tradition for Alice and I to come here, to sit on the swings and talk; the pain in my hip meant nothing compared to the need to have something in my life remain the same.
"I completely forgot to tell you!" Alice had pulled back in the swing and pushed her boot-covered toes into the dirt to push off, but stopped abruptly when she remembered whatever it was she wanted to tell me.
"What?" I smiled, so glad to have my best friend close and acting the way she always had. It felt good to know that some things had not changed; Charlie's house, my old neighborhood, my friendships with Alice and Jake - it was nice to feel comfortable and safe for the first time in a long while.
"My mom and I ran into Mrs. Weber in the grocery store this morning. Angela and Ben moved to Dallas a few months ago. Mrs. Weber said that with Ben's new job, they were able to buy this huge house; she must have talked about the layout of it for a full fifteen minutes." Alice smiled and rolled her eyes. I grinned, imagining that Alice had been bored stiff within the first five minutes of that conversation. Esme was the one who loved interior design, while Alice only focused on fashion design. "She also started bragging that she thought Angela and Ben would be starting a family soon. You should have seen my mother's face when she mentioned Angela and Ben having a baby." Alice started chuckling. "I could tell she was completely put out by the fact that Mrs. Weber might get a grandchild before she does."
I laughed, having been told, in great detail, about the many, many conversations that Esme Cullen had had with her children about settling down and giving her and Carlisle grandkids. "I take it neither you nor your brothers have any intention of helping her fulfill her greatest wish?" I winked, knowing damn well that Alice had no intention of settling down, ever. She loved men and, as she once put it to me, 'was having way too much fun trying them on to pick one out permanently.'
Alice's two older brothers, Emmett and Edward, felt pretty much the same way from what Alice had told me. Both of them had been away at college by the time I'd moved to Forks, so I didn't know them very well. Emmett was four years older than Alice, and from what I could remember, a huge hulk of a man; I think one of his arms was about the size of both my legs. He could be intimidating at first glance, if you didn't look close to see the twinkle in his eyes. After college, he had stayed in Seattle and joined the police department.
Edward was a year younger than Emmett and was more of an enigma. He was tall, but not nearly as burly as Emmett, with bronze-colored hair and green eyes instead of Emmett and Alice's deep chocolate ones. If I was honest, though, he had been the one to intimidate me each time I had met him. It was almost as if he could look right through me and see every secret I'd ever had; that he could know my deepest thoughts with just one glance. Needless to say, I did my best to stay clear of him whenever our paths had the chance to cross, which, thankfully, hadn't ever been that often.
"Apparently, Emmett's dating someone named Rosalie," Alice told me, rolling her eyes, clearly unimpressed with her brother's love life. She started rocking slowly on the swing, blowing her hair around her face with the motion. "She's some sort of lawyer, and Emmett met her when he was at court one day. Mom thinks this one might last – clearly hoping for grandkids again, I guess – but I have my doubts considering this is Emmett we're talking about. When has he ever been in a relationship that lasted more than a month?" I felt it best not to mention that Alice hadn't had many relationships that lasted for more than a month herself.
Edward had followed in Carlisle's footsteps and had become a doctor. He was living with Emmett in an condo not far from Harborview Medical Center, where he was finishing up his residency.
Alice and I sat in silence for a little while, gently moving back and forth on our swings. I could hear the Crowley's dog barking in the distance and I lifted my face toward the sky, taking a deep breath. It felt nice to be outside with the wind blowing through my hair, sharing the day with my best friend. I could ignore the aches in my body and the pain in my heart. It was easy to feel calm, to feel normal when things were like this.
I glanced over at Alice when she stopped swinging and started making designs in the sand with her foot. "Mom keeps bugging me to open a boutique of my own out here; I'm thinking I might," she stated vaguely. Alice was the only Cullen not living on the west coast.
"Really?" I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice. "Alice, really?"
She shrugged and tried to play it off as not a big deal, but from the look on her face, I could tell she was considering it. "I love New York but the traveling all the time is starting to get old. And I love being a buyer but I think I'd love being my own boss more. And there's something to be said for being on the same side of the country as my family and best friends."
"I would love it if I could see you more; I've missed you so much." I couldn't help the smile that lit up my face. While I had no long-term plans in place, I knew for sure that I wasn't going to leave the west coast. Having my best friend closer would be amazing; it was the first thing I had felt excited about in a long time.
I saw Alice's feet stop moving in the sand and the look on her face was solemn. I wondered if she was really conflicted about moving back to this side of the country or if there was something else going on in that pixie mind of hers. Her pause was brief, and then I had my answer.
Alice bit her lip. "Bella," she started quietly, "Charlie said...well, he said you haven't talked much about what happened." She paused, unsure of how to proceed.
"Can't talk about what you don't remember," I said lightly, but I could feel my body tense. I didn't think I was ready for this conversation. I'd only talked about it once, when the cops in Jacksonville came to interrogate me after I had regained consciousness in the hospital. I had avoided talking about it with Charlie, with Jake, and with the counselors at the hospital, by telling everyone I couldn't remember what happened.
I felt panic and a deep, hurting sadness rising inside of me as the memories started to drift back to the surface. I stood up as quickly as I could from the swing, limping away from Alice and the memories. At that moment, I hated her for forcing me to remember what I just wanted to forget. The annoyance and anger I had felt earlier came crawling back to the surface and I tried hard to beat it back. Underneath the anger was a feeling of utter agony, deep and crushing. I had been so happy when she mentioned moving back to Washington, and now all I felt was the need to be as far away from her as possible. I didn't want to think about what she was forcing me to remember. I didn't want to feel the hurt, the pain, the fear, and the emptiness that those memories brought up inside of me.
I heard her small footsteps behind me before she said, "Bella, I know it must have been..."
"No," I snapped, whipping around to face her. I cried out softly in pain when my hip protested the quick movement, but it didn't deter my anger or words. "You have absolutely no idea what I've been through! How hard it was to be on a happy family vacation only to wake up in a hospital, broken and battered! To find out that the person you loved most in the world is dead. To go through months of trying to put yourself back together. You have no idea! So don't pretend you do!" The words came out of me fast, sharp, and Alice was unprepared for them. She flinched as if I had slapped her. In ten years of friendship, I had never spoken to her like that. I don't know if I had ever spoken to anyone like that before in my life.
Alice looked at me, her eyes filled with worry, hurt, and confusion. I dropped my head into my hands. "I'm sorry, Alice," I whispered. My eyes filled with tears and I took a deep breath, trying to control my emotions. I got angry so easily these days, but as usual, it burned out as quickly as it had come on. Now I just felt exhausted and drained.
Lashing out at Alice was the last thing I wanted to do, and I knew she must be thinking, This isn't the Bella I know. How could I possibly explain to her that I was no longer the Bella she used to know, and I would never be that happy, fun Bella ever again? I could fake it for a little while; I did today when I was with Jake. But I couldn't pretend that everything was okay all the time. I wasn't the same person who had been whole and healthy only a few short months ago. When my family had been whole. I had been whole.
But now I was broken. Broken Bella.
And all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Bella back together again.