It's true….. It's all true. How could I have been so blind?

Father knew. Mother knew. Demetrius knew. Anya knew….

The only one left in the dark was me, just the way Father wanted to keep it. I thought he might have loved me, even a little, tiny bit. I know I'm his second-born son and could never match up to Demetrius in his eyes…. But I was sure on some primal level that he must care for me. I am his son, after all….. His own flesh and blood.

But I was wrong; I see that now. For once I see clearly….. And I wish so hard that I could return to that world, that existence where I believed that Father loved me, cherished me. But I should have known that was a fantasy; the man never even hugged me. Not once. I was a means to an end in his eyes- nothing more….. Nothing more.

I should have known better. I should have seen it from the start. I wanted so much for Father to love me …..

But Donovan always saw himself above "such meaningless frivolities".

Raul and I had figured out an escape plan together. I doubted Damian would actually do anything to really stop me from going, but Raul and Mr. Henderson didn't want to take any chances, despite my vouching for Damian's character. It didn't help that we still weren't speaking to each other. But yet the days dragged on painfully so.

It was Sunday; I'd be leaving on Tuesday. Now things were really in motion. I'd phoned Mr. Henderson so to have the car come pick me up at an undisclosed location. Raul had Finn bring some ordinary male clothes for me to wear outside the manor. It wasn't just the Desmonds the two elderly men were worried about. I technically wouldn't be all clear to leave until I was safe on that train platform two days from now. We had to be extra careful until then, doing everything we could to avoid detection. The SSS targeted young men less than young women, so I'd dress like one until I got securely back to Eden Academy, where I'd stay until the hour before I left.

Not that Finn or anyone else knew this. As far as he was concerned, Raul told me he needed the clothes for a previously unidentified nephew. Finn had just arrived with the box orders and attire by the time I finished my phone call to Mr. Henderson. It was all arranged. I'd hung up when Raul poked his head in through the door to glance at me.

"Everything alright, miss?" "Yes, it's all set. He'll have the car pick me up tomorrow at town square," I gave him a reassuring smile. He nodded, opening the door a little more as he stepped inside. Our soft eyes lingered on one another momentarily; Raul letting his bottom lip drop.

"You sure you don't want to tell Master Desmond? Even if you don't come back to work here, he'll still expect you to return to Berlint." My head drooped in a depressed fashion. "Yes. He's already so angry with me…. I don't want to upset him more." "I don't think he'd be upset, miss," Raul instantly retorted, and I grinned- again, with sadness. "You're right. I know he'd be worried…. He'd be so incredibly concerned. I want to give him a least a few more days of reprieve before that all starts…" The gardener's eyes lowered gently onto me. A natural pause extended in our conversation briefly.

"He'd have to come with you…. if you were married," Raul finally said, making me look to him in a great deal of shock. My eyes widened scandalized. "W-What?! We can't…! I can't….! I can't ask him to marry me! I can't even ask him to come to Westalis with me!" "I don't see any reason why you can't. You're an heiress, after all." "I may be an heiress, but I'm also a defector. I'll be a criminal in the eyes of the National Unity Party within the month. If Master Desmond came with me, he'd never be able to come back to Ostania….. A-And besides! He's already engaged! I can't ask him to break off his engagement and defy his father for my sake… N-No; no, it's simply impossible. Master Desmond must remain here…. with his family," my eyes drifted off to the side at this last part. I knew what a horrible person Mr. Desmond was, but Damian still seemed to have hope that their relationship might be salvaged, or have some meaning to it….. Even though I knew that wasn't the case, I couldn't bring myself to shatter Damian's fantasies like that. After all, I had a father who loved me so much…. I didn't know what it was like to be in his position- thankfully.

Raul stayed quiet for a minute, letting his eyes soften onto me. His shoulders relaxed slightly. "Wouldn't it be easier for you traveling abroad if you had a husband?" "Well certainly, but I'm not going to Westalis to find a husband. I….. I have no need for a husband." "Miss….." His eyebrow raised a little, but I flashed him a comforting smile, lowering my eyes. "You must believe me, Raul. I am perfectly contented with my decision." "Are you telling me you plan to never marry? Even once you're settled in your new home?" My head shook as I did my best to maintain my reassuring expression. "I shall be devoted and bestow all my love to you and Mr. Henderson once you've been smuggled across the border. You gentlemen shall receive all my vestal attention," and Father too of course.

The groundskeeper didn't seem particularly elated to hear this declaration, sighing to himself and relaxing his posture more. "If you say so, miss… But I can't help but feel you're making up your mind too soon." "Rest assured, I am quite determined. I know I shall be happy in Westalis with you all…" "But wouldn't you be happier still if he was there?" Raul questioned and my jaw dropped a bit. He didn't have to say who this "he" was; we both already knew, and it caused my heart to ache again. But before I could answer there was a knock at the back door. I went to open it, finding Finn standing outside with a large crate in his arms.

He immediately flashed me a pleasant grin. "Hiya, birdy. Don't you look radiant this mornin'?" "Good morning," my head bowed politely as Raul came up behind me. He looked at Finn from over my shoulder. "Morning, Finn. You bring the material?" "Yep! Got 'em all packed up in 'ere. Don't know if my old shirt and trousers will fit your nephew, mind you." "They'll do. Come set the box down over here," the elder man directed the younger. Finn brought the crate indoors, setting it down on the floor. While he did this Raul stepped close to me to put his hand on my shoulder and lean in.

"You absolutely sure your mind's made up, miss?" "Sure about what?" Finn straightened up his back, asking before I had a chance to answer. Raul shot him a stern glare, still keeping his hand on my shoulder. "Never you mind. Just go get the rest of the crates, boy." "No, Raul; it's ok. I…. I'm quite positive. I must do what's best for….. you-know-who. He means too much to me to do anything less." His eyes then moved back onto me, giving me a firm look as if he was studying my face. "How are you sure this is what's best for him?"

Again, I was about to answer before Finn beckoned me over. "Oi! I could use a hand here! Don't just stand there looking beautiful, little bird!" With a roll of the eyes, I went to follow him outside to the delivery truck. Raul watched me, contemplatively and unsure the whole time. As I exited, standing by the door and waiting for Finn to bring back another box, my eyes gazed upward. I don't know what possessed me in that instant to look up, but I did…. And immediately regretted it.

When I looked up towards the sky and back of the estate, I instantly spotted someone standing there at the window. Upon closer inspection I was horrified to see Damian standing there. He was there, and watching me…..

Our eyes instantaneously fastened. Time came to a stand-still. I couldn't feel the air or other bodily sensations around me; I couldn't remember to breathe…. We stood there, endlessly, effortlessly absorbing each other. It was the first time we'd locked eyes, even so much as gotten a glimpse since the ball, and I'd already forgotten how breath-taking he was. I never beheld a more beautiful creature- a perfect specimen. His deep, dark eyes were glorious, shining down onto me. Short strands of his silky hair fell down over the sides of his cheeks as he continued to stare. He was like no other; a gift to humanity…. A gift to me. I could stare at him forever and never grow bored. He was so incredibly, immeasurably precious….. And I so longed to tell him that one last time.

"Miss? Miss?" Our tender, short-lived slice of heaven was cut short by Raul trying to grab my attention. I blinked wildly to him as he glanced my way, then up to what I was looking at. He put the pieces together almost immediately, turning back towards my face with a solemn expression. Our eyes met and my mouth was still hanging open, silently gasping for some much-needed air. Raul's head then lowered a bit in a firm, fixed fashion. The glint in his eyes grew resolute just then.

"This is getting out of hand." "Huh?" I wasn't quite sure what he was referring to this time. But he shook his head before spinning around to head back inside. "Nothing. Just help Finn with the rest of the crates, and mind you lock the door when you're finished. Hide the clothes in your room before the madame sees them." "Uh, ok? But what are you…..?" He continued to go in across the room, not stopping to look back at me one more time before leaving.

"I'm going to have a word with Master Desmond."