Thank you to my wonderfully fantablous betas, MsAmbrosia and Browns. You guys are the best and I'm so glad you're along for this crazy ass ride with me.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

BPOV

"Wakey, wakey, Bella baby!" Alice's trill voice sang through the bright morning sunshine.

I rolled over and groaned, pulling a pillow over my head. I didn't know what time it was, but it didn't really matter. Anytime was too early for Alice's exuberance. It didn't help that I hadn't gotten enough sleep; my insomnia had kicked in and I spent the night wandering the apartment, trying to keep busy and not wallow in my thoughts. When I had fallen asleep, I had been plagued by my usual nightmares of the accident. But instead of seeing my mother and Phil's lifeless bodies next to me, the dream had changed and instead I saw Alice, Jake, my father and Edward in their places.

"Nope, you're not going to hide!" She pulled the pillow off my head and threw it somewhere in my room. "We have a lot to do today, so get up and get moving!"

"Nooooo, Alice. I'm tired. Leave me alone." I tried pulling my comforter up over my head, but she was sitting on it and I didn't have the energy to try to displace her. I groaned again and buried my face in my mattress.

"Well, if you hadn't stayed up all night prowling the apartment, you wouldn't be tired. But we have things to do today and you're getting up, tired or not!"

I looked up at her, trying to glare at her with the one eye I released from the bed. "How do you know I was up all night?"

"I got up around two to pee and heard you messing around in the kitchen. Nice cake, by the way. Where'd you learn to make those fancy roses?"

Giving up, I rolled over and blinked in the harsh morning light. The bitch opened my curtains before she woke me up.

"I took a class awhile back. Joe was working a lot and I got bored sitting at home at night, so I signed up."

Alice nodded. "Cool. All right, get in the shower. We've got a lot to do today and it's already after nine."

When I didn't make any effort to move, she started pushing me toward the edge of my bed. "Belllllaaaaaaa, cooooommmmmeeeee oooooooon."

God, I hated it when she whined.

I threw the covers back and wide, making sure they landed on her head. I crawled out of bed while she squealed and tried to get free. Ignoring her, I went into my bathroom, slamming the door.

I emerged twenty minutes later to find my room empty and my bed made. Opening my closet, I shook my head. I hope she hadn't short-sheeted it before she made it. It would be just like her to do something like that to get me back for throwing my blankets on her. I learned over the years that Emmett had taught his baby sister the art of pulling a prank.

I dressed and dried my hair, finishing off my preparations with a little lip gloss and eye liner. I had to use a little concealer to tone down the dark circles under my eyes and thankfully, by the time I was finished, I no longer looked half dead.

Flicking the light switch off, I made my way up the hallway toward the kitchen, hoping Alice had the decency to at least make some coffee.

And bless her, she had.

Alice was sitting at the counter, engrossed in the newspaper. I took a few sips of coffee and let the caffeine hit my system before I reached over and took the paper from her hands.

"So, I'm up and ready to go. What is so important that you dragged me out of bed after only getting four hours of sleep?"

Alice gave me a huge smile. "We are going to scout locations for my new store. We have an appointment with a realtor in exactly," she paused to look at her watch, "twenty minutes, so we have to get moving."

I protested as she took my coffee mug from my hands, but shut up once I saw she was only emptying it into a travel mug. She had us bundled up and out the door within five minutes. The cold had returned to Seattle in full force.

We chatted about inconsequential things as we drove toward the realtor's office. Not once did Alice mention my night before with Edward, which immediately caused me to become tense and on guard. When she had jumped on my head this morning, I thought for sure that she would start slamming me with questions right away. When she didn't, I'd wondered if she was just waiting until she had me as a captive audience in the car. Not for one second did I think she was going to let me off the hook and allow me to keep what happened to myself. It wasn't Alice's style to not be nosy about my life, especially my love life. And now that said love life might include her brother? There was no way she wouldn't pester me until I gave in and told all.

The realtor, Carmen, was waiting outside for us when we pulled up to the little house that held her office. Alice parked the car but left it running. With a quick, "Be right back," she jumped out and met Carmen halfway down the sidewalk. They spoke for a few minutes before Alice hopped back in the car.

"We're gonna follow her to the locations because she has to meet with another client right after she's done with us." Alice pulled the car back out into the street and followed Carmen to the first shop. It was dingy and dreary and not at all what I pictured for the type of shop that my best friend should and would own. I gave Alice a questioning glance and she just gave a tinkling laugh at my expression.

"Bella, you have to look beyond what it is, to see what it could be!" Hopping out of the car, she met Carmen with a blinding smile. I slowly followed her.

I didn't have much to say as I trailed Carmen and Alice around the building. All I could see were the dirty floors, the cobwebs in the corners and what looked suspiciously like an old bloodstain on one of the walls.

She can't be serious about this place.

Except, I hadn't seen Alice this happy in a long time. Her eyes lit up as she spoke to Carmen about the electricity, the heating system and the surrounding neighborhood. I was glad that Alice could see the potential in this site, even if I couldn't.

Twenty minutes later, we had moved on to the next place, and it looked almost as bad as the first one. The upside was that the neighborhood was much nicer, with many clothing stores, specialty shops and cafés lining the road. Carmen and Alice continued to chat while I just stood back and added my two cents when Alice asked me a question.

The truth of the matter was that I just wasn't in the mood for this today. I knew I should've been excited for my best friend and the new journey she was embarking on, but I couldn't seem to drum up the energy to meet her at even half her level.

What happened with Edward the night before was weighing heavily on me. Instead of being able to sleep, the night had kept replaying over and over again in my mind. When I had finally fallen into bed around four a.m., I was no closer to understanding the effect he'd had on me.

While I had agreed with Alice that I would see where my attraction to Edward would take me, I hadn't expected it to go where it had. The horny part I understood, since it had been a good seven months since I had last had sex. It was the emotional breakdown I had with him that really threw me for a loop. Opening myself like that was just not something I did. Joe and I had been together for five years and I couldn't remember a time where he had ever seen me cry. Our relationship just hadn't been that way.

I had never been able to open myself easily to others, not even those people in my life that I loved and trusted the most. This part of me had only gotten worse since The Accident. The loss of seemingly everything I loved – my mother, the life I had made for myself, and the man I thought I loved – just overwhelmed and consumed me. Since then, I'd worked hard to bury the rage and pain I felt as a result of all these losses, so much so that not even Alice, Jake or my father could tell how deeply they affected and hurt me. I could tell they were worried, but I became an excellent actress in the time immediately following the accident. Now six months later, I had convinced myself I was fine and completely content with the changes that had taken place in my world.

Until Edward.

One innocent question from him last night had brought down a portion of the wall I had created around my pain, my worry and my shame. To make matters worse, everything came pouring out of me before I had a chance to stop it. When I realized what I was doing, it occurred to me that I didn't want to stop pouring my heart out to him.

What the hell was happening to me?

Once the moment had passed, and Edward was gone, I started thinking again. I had worked too hard and fought too long to be buried in emotions once again. I was fine. I had recovered from the accident and from the loss of my mother and stepfather. I had let go of the life I once had and loved. I was not going to allow Edward Cullen to walk into my life and tear down my carefully constructed walls.

Last night his captivating eyes and that sexy crooked smile had blinded me. When he asked me out for dinner on Thursday night, I hadn't hesitated. But now, seeing what having him in my life would mean, I couldn't do it.

I wouldn't do it.

"Bella, what do you think?" Alice came bounding up to me, all smiles, and brought me back to my surroundings.

"It's…interesting, Ali. The more important thing is what you think about it."

"Carmen still has one more place to show us, but I really see some potential with this one. It's in the right neighborhood, the shops around here are fun and funky, which is exactly what I'm looking for. I want to look at the next one to be sure, but I think this one might be it!"

I gave Alice a small smile. "Well, then let's get out of here." Hooking my arm through Alice's, I walked with her to the door.

We climbed back into the car and followed Carmen to the last store. One look around told me that Alice was definitely going to put in an offer for the second place. If I had thought the first place was bad, this one was worse.

Alice went inside and looked around for only a few minutes before turning to Carmen. "Carmen, thank you so much for showing us all these shops. Is it alright if I give you a call tonight and let you know if we need to look any further or if I'm going to put in an offer on one of the places we saw today?"

Carmen nodded. "That's fine, Alice. I'll look forward to hearing from you tonight."

Alice and Carmen shook hands and we said our goodbyes. Getting in the car, Alice turned to me.

"I definitely think the second one. There are so many other stores around it that it's bound to get some of their traffic. And once I make a name for myself…" She was so excited she was bouncing in her seat. I was a little scared about her driving like this.

"Um, Ali, do you want me to drive?" I hated driving, especially since The Accident, but I'd do it if it meant we'd get home without being all over the road thanks to her exuberance.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Stop worrying, I'll get us where we're going in one piece."

She pulled out into traffic and I gripped the sides of my seat. I didn't have to look down to know my knuckles were turning white. I concentrated on my breathing and tried to fight off the panic attack I could feel beginning.

Alice was oblivious to my plight, chattering away in the driver's seat. She was babbling about the second building we saw and all the things she had planned. I closed my eyes and used a relaxation technique my physical therapist had taught me when I was at the clinic in Jacksonville.

Eventually, my white-knuckled grip loosened on the seat and I was able to move my hands into my lap. I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. That's when I noticed Alice had pulled over and was staring at me, worried.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine."

"You weren't just a minute ago." She reached for my hand.

"If you weren't bouncing around in your seat like a manic and trying to drive at the same time, I would've been fine," I snapped, pulling my hand from grip.

Alice flinched and then smoothed her features out so her face was blank. She took a deep breath before speaking to me. "I'm sorry I scared you, but I was in complete control the entire time. I would never put you in danger, Bella."

I sighed. I knew deep down inside that she'd never put me in danger, but I wish she'd take into account how I might feel when she bounced all over the place while driving. I was nervous enough as it was in a car and her lack of consideration was irritating.

"I know. I'm sorry I snapped at you." I put my head down, staring at my lap.

Alice was silent for a few moments before she spoke. "Bella, are you sure –"

Meeting Alice's concerned eyes, I stopped her. "I said I'm fine. I'm sorry I bit your head off. Can we just forget it and go?" My tone wasn't sharp, but it was firm. There would be no more discussion about this.

I am fine.

Alice opened her mouth once more but one look at my narrowed eyes had her shutting it. She sighed, putting the car back into drive and pulling out into the busy street.

We drove silently for a few minutes until I notice we were headed away from our apartment rather than toward it.

"I know I don't know Seattle that well, but isn't our apartment back that way?" I pointed over my shoulder at the street we just passed.

"We're not going right home." Alice gave me a cautious grin.

Raising my eyebrow, I just looked at her, waiting for a better answer.

"I'm taking you shopping!" Alice squealed, causing me to cringe.

I covered my face with my hands. "Oh, please, no."

"Bella, stop. We need to find you something hot to wear for your date with Edward." Alice's smile was huge and there was a twinkle in her bright brown eyes.

The words were out of my mouth before I even thought about stopping them.

"I'm not going out with Edward."

I could tell Alice wanted to whip her head around and look at me, but luckily for both of us, she kept her eyes on the road and hands firmly on the wheel.

"What do you mean you're not going out on with Edward? You just mean you're not going out on Thursday, right? You just changed the day of your date or something…right?"

When I remained silent, she continued. "Bella, I heard you agree to go out with him last night."

"Where do you get off listening to a private conversation?" I was furious that she eavesdropped, although I should've known better.

"Standing in the doorway of our apartment does not make a conversation private. And as it involves my best friend and my brother, I reserve the right to eavesdrop whenever I want." She had the nerve to wink at me.

I let my angry expression speak for itself.

For the second time that day, Alice pulled the car over without us reaching our intended destination. She was slow and deliberate in her movements as she placed the car in park, removed her seatbelt and turned to face me.

"Bella, please explain to me what you meant when you said you weren't going out with Edward. I spoke to him this morning and he told me that you said you'd go out –"

"Not only did you listen in to our conversation but then you called to confirm what overheard? What the hell, Alice? How is this any of your business?" I yelled at her, livid.

How dare she?

"Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have listened in on your conversation. That was wrong of me and I really am sorry. But I was just so happy for you! You're finally moving on with your life and I just know that you and Edward are perfect for each other! I just want you to be happy Bella, and if that can happen with Edward, that's even better!"

I wanted to understand where she was coming from, and perhaps the Before Accident Bella would have. But I couldn't stand Alice's interference, especially now that I had decided that Edward was not someone I wanted in my life. She would make this difficult and I didn't need that on top of everything else. I was still reeling from my breakdown last night and how I reacted to Edward's kindness and caring. I had so many feelings swirling around inside of me and I had no idea where to put them. The last thing I needed was Alice adding to my confusion.

Swallowing hard, I looked into my best friend's eyes. "You need to back off, Alice. I make my own decisions and I run my own life. I do not need your input or opinion. I told Edward last night I would go out with him, and then I decided I would rather not. End of story."

Alice looked crestfallen. "Bella, I don't understand why –"

"You don't need to understand why! Just leave me alone!" I grabbed my purse from the floor and flung open the car door. Within seconds, I was moving away from the car and Alice. I could hear her calling for me as I strode away, but I didn't turn around. The further away from her I was, the better.

The only emotion I could get a clear grip on was my anger. There were others floating around in the background, but the anger was the easiest to feel, so I went with it. I was angry with Alice for not knowing when to back off and let me be. I was angry with Edward for stirring up emotions I had long buried and bringing them back to the surface. I was angry with myself for not having any control over my life. I just wanted to be left alone so I could just think for a moment without someone telling me what I should be doing or how I should be feeling.

I'm not sure how long I walked before I realized my anger had melted enough for me to focus on my surroundings. We had been downtown and I assumed Alice had been heading for the Pacific Palace to do our shopping. Realizing that I was starving and not far from the shopping center and Pike Place Chowder, I headed that way.

Calmer now, I began to feel bad about yelling at Alice and taking off on her. I knew deep down inside that Alice had only been trying to help. She had always had the best of intentions in everything she did, even if it didn't always come across that way. I knew she only wanted to see me happy, and to see her brother happy. If we were happy together, she'd be thrilled.

I couldn't let her have her way in this though; she had already been too involved by pushing me to hang out with Edward from day one. I had agreed and look where it had gotten me – thinking about things I'd rather not think about and feeling things I didn't want to feel.

I was fine before Edward had come into my life and I'll continue to be fine without him in it.

I ignored the pain in my chest I felt when that thought crossed my mind.

It was just after noon and the little restaurant was extremely busy. I stood in line for ten minutes before ordering a number two combo – a cup of chowder, a half of crab sandwich and a soda. I got lucky and a seat opened up so I could sit and eat.

Just as I was about to give up and give my poor stomach a rest from all I'd just stuffed in it, I heard my cell phone ring in my purse. Looking at the display, I didn't recognize the number that flashed across. Deciding to let it go to voicemail, I dropped the phone back in my purse and threw what was left of my lunch into the trash.

I debated walking around the mall for a little while, but I felt drained from the emotions of the day and just wanted to go home. Calling Alice to come and get me was out of the question and the bus held no appeal.

Lucking out again when I walked outside, there was a cab at the curb dropping someone off. I made my way over and hopped in, giving the cabbie the address for our apartment.

My phone beeped, letting me know that whoever had called before had left a voicemail. As the cab driver fought downtown traffic, I listened to the message.

"Bella, it's Edward. Alice gave me your phone number; I hope you don't mind. Um, I'm on a quick break and just wanted to call and say hello and let you know I was thinking about you. I hope that you're having a good day. I'm really looking forward to Thursday. Bye."

I covered my eyes with my hand, hoping to stop the flow of tears that threatened. Just the sound of his voice made me ache for the comfort of his arms and that stupid crooked grin I found so sexy.

Part of me wanted to call him back, let him hear the smile in my voice and tell him how much I couldn't wait until Thursday to see him.

But there was another, much stronger part that demanded that I stay away for my own self-preservation. I couldn't handle the way he drew me out of my shell, and actually made the cracks in my broken heart feel like they might be capable of healing. Having Edward as a part of my life might be wonderful in some ways, but in many others it would just lead me down a path I never wanted to travel.

I didn't think I would survive it if I had to actually face and deal with what had happened to my life over the last six months. Forgetting it had happened, or at least pretending to, was the only way I could keep breathing.

The cab pulled up to the front of my building and I handed the cabbie his money. I didn't see Alice's car parked on the street and I hoped she hadn't arrived home yet. I wasn't ready to face her. I had overreacted and I needed to apologize, but I still wasn't completely over my conflicting emotions and anger.

The apartment was silent when I entered and Alice's bedroom door was open as I walked up the hallway to my room. She wasn't home.

I shut my bedroom door with a sharp click, locking it behind me. I didn't think she would come barging in, but I really wanted to make it clear to her that I wanted to be left alone.

Completely alone.

I walked to the window, taking in the view of the Seattle skyline. A hint of sun was peeking through the clouds and it made me think of hope, and breakthroughs.

I snapped the curtains shut.

Walking over to my bed, I turned the duvet down and climbed inside. Maybe if I slept for a little while, I'd feel better after having disappeared into unconsciousness.

I had just lain down when I heard Duran Duran's "Hungry Like a Wolf" coming from my cell and I groaned.

Jake.

Alice had called him, of course. When she was upset it was either him or me that she called; most of the time it was both of us. Since she and I weren't actually speaking right now, it all fell on Jake. And now he was going to try to fix things.

To fix me.

I debated answering for a minute, but figured he'd just get pissed off and keep calling, so I sucked it up and hit a button on my phone to connect the call.

"Yes?" No formalities were needed.

"Well, hello to you too. I'm sort of surprised you answered." I could practically see his smirk coming through the line.

"You're the first person who's called me in hours…but, yes, I'm answering the phone."

"A little birdie told me Edward called and you didn't answer…"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Edward must've talked to Alice and Alice must've told Jake. The anger that had dissipated before was back with a vengeance.

This is getting beyond ridiculous!

"Not in the slightest. Being perfectly serious."

"Get to the point, Jake. I was trying to take a nap," I snapped, no longer caring what he wanted.

"Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing, that's all."

"Bullshit."

"Fine, I'm calling to see what the hell crawled up your ass that you felt the need to make our best friend cry. Plus, I wanted to make sure you got home okay. And while I've got you on the phone, I'd like to know what happened to get you to agree to go out with Dr. Dick and then change it back again? What the hell, Bells? Do I need to come back out there again and kick your ass?" Playful Jake was gone. He sounded pissed off.

"Screw you, Jake."

"Not in a million, babe. I'm not interested and besides, Leah would kick my ass. Talk to me; tell me what's going on. Why are you treating Alice like this?"

"Treating her like what? She listened in on a conversation that didn't involve her and is trying to set me up with her brother. I don't need her help! I don't need anyone's help!"

"Yeah, that's obvious to everyone." His sarcasm was clear even through the phone.

I couldn't take it anymore. "Fuck off, Jake."

I hit the end button on my cell and threw it on my bed where it hit with a dull thump.

It took me ten minutes before I was calm enough to call him back. Once the anger had vanished, I felt completely drained.

I seriously have to get a handle on myself. This overreaction stuff is so not cool.

"I'm sorry." I didn't bother with a hello. He and I were so beyond that and it would've just been a waste of time.

"Accepted. Now tell me what's going on."

"I just…I'm not ready for this. And Alice was pushing…"

"You're not ready for what, to go out with Edward? Why the hell not, other than the fact that his personality sucks? And while we're at it, why the hell did you think that Alice would not be pushy about this? She's pushy on a normal day. Did you really expect anything different when you decided to date her brother?"

I huffed. "I'm not dating her brother, I just agreed to go out with him one time. And she needs to learn not everything is her business."

"Agreed, Ali can be a bit…overbearing when it comes to the people that she loves and we've been lucky that for the last few years that she's only had the opportunity to do it with us from a distance. So, these are just growing pains while you learn to live with her. She'll get the point and back off…eventually. You and Ali are going to be fine. I want to talk to you about Edward."

"There's nothing to talk about." I was sitting on my bed, pulling at a non-existent thread. Jake would've been all up in my face had we been talking in person.

"Bull. You agreed to go out with him."

"A moment of weakness."

"Hmmm…."

"What?"

"Nothing…nothing at all. So why did you change your mind?"

"I just decided it wasn't a good idea."

Jake was quiet for a moment. I was about to check the display on my phone to make sure I hadn't dropped the call when he finally spoke. "That's probably for the best. I mean, if you're scared of him and all, it's not really a good way to begin a relationship. Probably makes it damn near impossible, really."

"I'm not scared of him."

Liar.

"Then why not go out with him?"

I had no answer because I was scared of Edward. I was scared of the things I wanted to tell him, the memories I wanted him to take and replace with newer, happier ones. I was scared of how safe and content I felt in his arms and how vulnerable I felt around him. He made me put my guard down and I couldn't afford that. I wouldn't be able to handle it when he wasn't there to catch me when I fell. And he wouldn't be there. Who would stick around to handle the mess that is Broken Bella?

"You're scared of him." Jake's tone was matter of fact, not accusing, just stating the plain facts.

"I'm…" I sighed. Lying to Jake wasn't easy and how could I explain this to him without telling him the whole sordid story? There were some things Jacob did not need to know and my fragile state and mini-breakdown from last night was one of them.

"I'm just not ready to date." That was true…sort of.

"Bella, you need to live a little. Stop being a scared little kitten and go out with him."

"I thought you hated him."

"I don't hate him, I don't even know him. He definitely needs to work on his bedside manner, but obviously he already has or you wouldn't have agreed to a date in the first place. Look, babe, I'm going to lay it out for you. Make up with Alice. Apologize for being a raving bitch and let her take you shopping to make it up to her. Go out with Edward this week and see what happens. Just…be."

"I'll…think about it." I had no intention of changing my mind about Edward, but at least I could let Jake think I would. It would give me some peace for a few days. And of course, I would apologize to Alice. Getting her to give me a break would be a completely different story.

"Alright, but I expect you to stop thinking about it soon and actually do it."

"Yeah, yeah."

Jake laughed. "Miss you, babe. I'll call you in a couple of days to make sure you pulled your head out of your ass, okay?"

"Whatever, Jake."

"Bye, Bells."

"Later."

I hung up the phone and flopped back on the bed. Was Jake right? Could I just…be? Just pretend for a little while that I was normal and whole? Could I keep my guard up enough that Edward's presence in my life wouldn't cause me more heartache and pain? I had worked so hard at burying everything and I seriously didn't think I could bear it if being with him caused it all to come bubbling to the surface.

He did offer me comfort, contentment and God knows, he made me want to drop my panties with just one look. Would it be so wrong of me to enjoy it, even for a little while?

As I was lying there, conflicting thoughts and emotions running through my mind, I heard Alice come home. I knew I could hide out in my room and face her later, but that would just prolong the inevitable.

Time to face the music.

I opened my bedroom door slowly, not wanting to scare Alice if she didn't think I had returned yet.

"Ali?" I called quietly, remorse evident in my voice.

She didn't answer, but I hadn't expected it to be that easy.

I moved out to the living room and saw Alice sitting on the couch, curled up with a pillow on her lap. She glanced up at me and I could see that she had been crying. If I hadn't already been feeling horrible before, I certainly was now.

"I'm so sorry. I never should have yelled at you and treated you the way I did. I'm so sorry I overreacted." I could feel my own eyes tear up and the next thing I knew we were crying together, locked in a hug.

"I'm sorry too, I should just stay out of it…" Alice blubbered into my shoulder.

We calmed down and sat on the couch, facing each other. I took a deep breath before starting.

"Ali, I know you care about me and want what's best for me. But I really would appreciate it if you just let me figure out what that is on my own."

Alice sighed. "Bella, I know that you're scared of Edward." I shook my head, but she continued. "Yes, you are. You forget, I've seen the two of you together at least three times now and I've seen how you look at each other. That's gotta be a scary feeling – an overwhelming one. I know you can see what things could turn into and you're afraid of that, but you also looked so happy last night!"

"Happy? Alice, you need your eyes checked." She was shaking her head as I spoke.

"No, Bella, I know what I saw. I have never seen that look on either your or Edward's face. The way you were turned toward each other on the couch. The way you walked him to the door. It was like, watching two bodies with massive gravitational pull toward each other. It was…awesome."

"Awesome or not…Ali, I just don't think we're good for each other." I had to make her see where I was coming from.

"How can you say that after one date? Oh, don't shake your head at me; it was a date you were on last night with my brother! You can try to deny it, but I saw it with my own two eyes –"

"You mean you planned it with your own sneaky ways!"

Alice shrugged and gave a small smirk, looking remarkably like Emmett in that moment. "That's besides the point, even if it did work. At any rate, I think you're running scared and making up excuses not to see my brother again, but I'm not going to let you!"

I stood up. "See? This is what I mean! It's not your decision to make, Alice! This is my life and I reserve the right to decide what I do with it!"

Alice stood and met me toe to toe. "And as your best friend, I reserve the right to kick your ass when you're acting like a jackass and making the wrong decision!"

"How do you know it's wrong? I'm trying to build a new life here Ali, and get back on my feet. Edward just broke up with his girlfriend of nine months. None of that bodes well for starting a new relationship."

"How do you know it's not exactly what you need? What if being with Edward, being happy with Edward, will help you get back on your feet and build this new life? And don't even go there about Tanya. I think you need to hear the full story from him and really understand that you wouldn't be a rebound relationship for him. But you can't do that if you won't see him again. Please Bella, just give it a chance. Give him a chance. I know how happy the two of you can be together."

"Psychic now, are you Ali?" Her pleas were getting to me and I could feel myself caving.

Alice smiled. "Maybe I am; I'd like to think so. Bella, I'm just asking you to give Edward a chance, to give yourself a chance to be happy."

"Why is this so important to you?"

"Because he's my brother and you're my best friend and you're two of the best people I know. You both deserve so much love and happiness and I think you can give that to each other. Plus, if you get married we'd be sisters officially and how great would that be?" Alice's eyes twinkled.

"Can we get through the next date before you have us married, please?"

Alice started jumping and clapping her hands. "You're gonna go out with him?"

"How can I argue with you about this? You'll just keep pestering me until I agree!"

"I'll do whatever it takes until you pull your head out of your butt and see what's right in front of you. I'm not going to let you wallow in your misery, Bella. I know it's probably easy to do with all you've been through, but I'm not going to let you. You deserve to be happy. I think you and Edward can have it together."

"You didn't tell him about my freak out on you today, did you?"

"No, of course not. He called me when he couldn't get a hold of you; I think he was hoping you'd be with me. I just told him that I had to run some errands and you had some stuff of your own to handle, so that's all he knows. Are you going to call him back?"

I shrugged. "Maybe later," I said, knowing I was lying.

Today had been too much for me to handle already. I couldn't deal with Edward right now; maybe tomorrow when I calmed down and relaxed. Right now, I was completely drained and just wanted to sleep. I may have agreed to keep my date with him, but I was afraid if I talked to him, I'd change my mind…again. Plus, I tended to have diarrhea of the mouth when I talked to him and I didn't need to spill my guts to him about what happened today. Tomorrow would be soon enough.

I had three days to prepare myself for Thursday and I knew just where to start.

"Ali, do you think you and I could go shopping and help me find something to wear for Thursday?"

Her resounding squeal was answer enough. I had just been completely forgiven.

I was taking my first step toward a new, normal life. I would go out with Edward. I would control my thoughts and feelings. I would enjoy the time I spent with him and keep my walls up at the same time. I could do this.

I would do this.