One by one the team had come by to visit Booth. He could see the disappointment in their faces when he had no memories. They told him of the day before when hypnosis had brought everything back. Dr Sweets had played a video of it all for him. He pressed that they schedule a second attempt but whispers from his mother and his conscience told him not to agree. They had videoed a party that had been had at his remembering. He couldn't disappoint these wonderful people again.
Earlier the doctors had discussed some experimental drugs and he thought that would be a better attempt. The drugs could help repair the connections to the brain and didn't seem like the temporary fix of hypnosis.
The group began discussing his discharge the next day. They went over the schedule and made arrangements for his physical and occupational therapy. The doctors wanted him to stay off his feet for the next couple weeks to allow additional healing to his bones. They would adjust the splints on his arms and shoulders to allow movement as long as he didn't over do it.
They all talked about their Christmas plans and Angela said she talked to Rebecca about allowing Parker to come. Hodgins would go shopping for gifts for the boy. The celebration would take place in the Hodgins's home.
Booth couldn't help but smile about all their excitement over the whole occasion. They told him stories of their different cases that revolved around Christmas. They explained their first Christmas together under quarantine in the lab. They reminisced about Christmas dinner at Brennan's and Booth couldn't help but blush a bit as Cam described the events from when Santa blew up and Brennan had to remove his clothing as evidence.
The whole group agreed that they would make this the best Christmas ever. Booth thought back over the Christmases he could remember, that shouldn't be a difficult thing for him to accomplish. He had had a few Christmases as a small child that he barely remembered that were ok. Some with Pops weren't bad, but he always felt something was missing.
The group decided to excuse themselves to prepare for Booth's homecoming and complete their holiday plans. The group filed out leaving Max behind.
"You don't have plans, Sir?" Booth asked.
"What are you doing calling me sir? I'm just plain old Max. No, no nothing that can't wait. I just thought you would like the company. I always hated places like these." Max answered.
"Thanks, it is a bit nerve racking being here alone. I keep trying to remember but it just doesn't come." Booth said with a sigh.
"So why are you giving up on the hypnosis?" Max asked.
"Did you see all their faces when they found out it didn't stick? I can't keep doing that to people. I would rather everything stay forgotten then to make them look that sad and disappointed again. Could you do that to them?" Booth explained.
"No I guess not. I'd walk to the ends of the Earth before I would hurt the ones I love anymore. I did too much damage in my time. I can relate." Max agreed.
The men sat in silence for a few minutes contemplating the people in their lives. One wishing they could forget and the other wishing they could remember.
"I read all of the stuff you wrote for me. Is there anything else?" Booth finally asked.
"Well… sure… if you don't think it would bore you too much. Christmas is a hard time. When Tempe was just 15 her mother's and my past caught up with us and we had to leave her and Russ behind. I didn't want to, but her mother insisted it was the only way to protect them. That's why Tempe is the way she is. It made her tough, but at the same time she won't allow herself to be that close to people. She keeps a safe distance so she doesn't get hurt. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her." Max said the regret deep in his voice.
"What do you think would have happened if you stayed?" Booth asked.
"Well they eventually found us, they killed her mother. You are the one who got the guy who did it. I assume that we would probably all be dead if we didn't leave them. On my own it was easy to hide, the larger the numbers the easier you get noticed."
"I can understand that, being a sniper was easier than being in a unit." Booth agreed. "If that were the case then you did the right thing. I can't remember my son, but I can tell you that I would do anything for him to be safe, no matter the cost."
Max looked at Booth with new admiration. He always knew the younger man was honorable, but that little tidbit of information shed new light. Booth arrested him because it was the right thing to do no matter if it cost him Tempe's respect. He had seen the pain on the man's face when Tempe set herself up to look like his boss's killer. He testified against her because it was right legally even though it went against his wishes. He wished his daughter would get over whatever it was that was keeping her away so she could see the truest earnestness of Booth's character. She knows him, but now there was pure unadulterated truth coming from the man's mouth. He couldn't hide anything if he wanted to. This would be just what she needed to get over her hesitations.
"Why doesn't Temperance come?" Booth asked.
"She is hurting. She is having a hard time dealing with your injuries." Max answered.
"It's weird, but I can't help but feel like I miss her. I can't even remember her." Booth explained.
"It isn't weird, you two are very close. She will come around eventually. Besides, that has to be a good sign if you feel something right?" Max returned.
"I guess you're right." Booth conceded.
"I really should get going; I want to find something special for Tempe. I plan on helping out with you when you get home so I want to make sure I get some things done. I will talk to Tempe and try and get her over here. I might stop by when I am done."
"Sure, I have some things to discuss with the doctors anyway. I want them to write out some stuff for me. Maybe find a way to be a little more self reliant."
Brennan walked into Booth's apartment. She began tidying things up while she waited for the rest to arrive. She stripped the bed and added it to his dirty laundry. She would make sure to get it done tonight and make sure all was ready when he returned home. She cleaned out the refrigerator and made note of items he would need from the grocery store. She inventoried the bathroom for anything she might need to add to the list. She already had the list of medical supplies that the doctors deemed necessary. When they were done here she would run all the errands in one fail swoop. As long as she was busy no one could bother her about visiting.
She heard a knock at the door and rushed to answer. There were the rest of her friends with more Christmas decorations then she thought could possibly fit into Booth's apartment. They all filed in and she was about to close the door when she heard her father's voice yelling for her to hold on. He was dragging the biggest Christmas tree she had ever seen.
"He supplied our family a tree. I figured the least I could do was get his." He mumbled as he pulled it through the door.
Everyone was busy with their tasks. They moved the furniture for the ease of the wheelchair Booth would be using for a few weeks. And every inch of his place was decorated. The Christmas tree was placed in the corner near a window. Max and Brennan decorated it with care. Wendell and Hodgins hung garland and bows around the walls close to the ceiling. Angela circled the windows with lights and Sweets added a tablecloth and decorations to the dining table. A wreath was added to the door and a nativity set placed beneath the tree. The friends then added numerous wrapped packages. Stockings were hung stuffed with small items.
The group looked at their handy work and smiled. They knew Booth would love it. Angela agreed she would be inside to get photos and video when he came in the door. Max volunteered him and Brennan to pick him up from the hospital. Sweets would pick up food for everyone and they would all meet here to welcome the man home.
Brennan dismissed herself to do the shopping and laundry while the rest made sure everything was perfect and finalized plans for the following day.
Brennan placed the order for the medical supplies and set up the time for delivery early the next morning. She bought all the other items from her list and a few items as presents for everyone. She brought Booth's laundry home and set it to wash.
She imagined what it would be like bringing him home. She thought about their kiss and then the look in his eyes after the seizure. He loves her, she loves him, why was this such a problem for her? Of course his memory loss was a problem; he didn't know he loved her anymore. She was so confused. She was so rarely in that state she didn't know what to do. At this point she just settled that she would just take everything as it came. What more could she do? She decided in that moment she would start from square one, like she and Booth first met. She would do her best to forget the past and look into the future.
She realized her fears of intimacy on a long term level were a manifestation of her abandonment issues. She didn't allow anyone close to her for fear they would not stay. In a sense she has lost Booth. The man she knew and loved was no more. He was lost in the cave. She grieves for this loss but at the same time she is better for having known him.
She would continue being his friend and expect nothing more. One day maybe they could once again be partners. He was the most important person in her life, he still could be. As long as any part of him was there she needed to concede and take what she could have. Everyone else sees it, she needs to as well.
With the thoughts of a fresh new start in her mind she returned to Booth's apartment to stock his supplies, make his bed and return his now clean laundry. She was growing tired and decided she would just sleep on his couch and wait for the medical equipment to be delivered in the morning. She curled up on his couch and drifted to sleep with his scent surrounding her.
Max decided to stop by and see Booth before visiting hours ended. He knocked on the door and entered. Booth smiled seeing his visitor. For some reason he favored Max above the others. He seemed to be the only visitor without preconceived notions of who he should be and how he should act. He felt comfortable around him.
"I was just thinking about you." Booth told the man.
"Really?" Max asked genuinely surprised.
"Yeah. Well I have been doing some thinking. I have a favor to ask you."
"Sure go ahead. I'll always do what I can for you."
"Well… I have been looking at this board and all the notes everyone has been writing down. I don't want to seem ungrateful for everyone's efforts but I just don't want them." Booth explained.
"Is there something wrong?" Max asked.
"It's just… These are everyone's memories of my past. People perceive everything differently. It's like at a crime scene. If you question 10 eye witnesses about what happened they all will have the basic details the same, but other details will be different based on their own thoughts and experiences. If I start to retain current memories, I don't want to base my life off what others think it was. I would rather have a clean slate to build on. If I get to live my life off the past I want it to be off what I remember it to be. If you're trying to work a cold case you're going to want to examine the evidence yourself, not entirely based off the reports of people who worked it before. Does that make sense?"
"It makes perfect sense and the fact that you are using your FBI training is even more promising."
The two men smiled.
"So I need you to get rid of all this stuff, and maybe argue my point to the others. I might not remember any of this tomorrow, but I have thought about it ever since everyone left. I appreciate all their efforts, but quite frankly it's my life. I don't want to be an actor in whatever script they have in their minds. I want to be me, even if I am not 100% sure who that is."
"I will get rid of it all and I will sit all of them down and tell them your wishes. I would think that maybe name tags would suffice for everyone to let you know who we all are. Maybe instead of memories a brief biography of everyone, just enough to explain who they are." Max offered.
"That sounds great." A frown took over the younger man's face.
"What is it, Son?" Max asked.
"I saw the tape, I told your daughter I loved her, but I don't remember any of it. I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to hurt anyone."
"Tempe understands, quite frankly I think she is glad you have forgotten that. She is afraid of relationships. As much as I would love to see you both find happiness together, under these circumstances I think all should start new, like you want for every other aspect of your life. You may not become the man you were before. Your basic character will be there, but life's experiences shape who we have become. Everyone will just have to accept that. I will sit with Tempe and all the others if they have issues with your decision. Can you write?"
"A little."
"How about if I write down your wishes and you and I both sign and we will have a nurse witness it, so everyone understands this is what you want. If you ever change your mind, we will all do what you want. You said it yourself, this is your life and we are just along for the ride."
The two men agreed and wrote up the document, the nurses were only happy to oblige. Max could imagine the fight he was going to be up against. Booth's friends all had his best interests in mind, but they needed to obey his wishes. If anything this showed that the Booth they all know and love is there. Their Booth would never allow others to make his decisions for him.