Disclaimer: I don't own it. Never have. Never will.

Thanks to Ms. Ambrosia and Browns for beta'ing the chapter. They're the best!

BPOV

The dream about my mother kept me up for hours. It had all felt so real that I couldn't help but wonder if it somehow really happened. With Edward at work and Alice still out with Jasper, I had no one to talk about it with and I seriously needed someone to tell me I wasn't crazy.

I called Esme.

"Bella, sweetheart? Are you okay?"

I looked at the clock and realized it was after one in the morning. No wonder she sounded so scared.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry I called you so late; I wasn't thinking. I just…Edward's at the hospital and Alice is out on a date – "

"A date? With who? Is he cute? What's his name?" She sounded so excited I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"I'll let her tell you all about it if it turns out to be a good one. But I know him, he's a nice guy and I think he might just be perfect for Alice."

I laughed again at Esme's squeal from the other end of the phone and could hear Carlisle speaking in the background.

"It's Bella, the kids are fine, and I'm going downstairs," I heard her say to him and then to me, "Hold on a second, darling."

There was some muffled speaking and then some shuffling. A few minutes later, Esme spoke again. "How are you? Is everything okay?"

I sighed. "Everything is fine…I think. I just…you're going to think I'm crazy."

"Never. Tell me."

So, I did. I told her about my session with Dr. Whitlock, and how I was trying to come to terms with everything we'd been talking about. Then I told her about my dream. She was silent for quite a while after I finished speaking and I was afraid I had put her to sleep.

"Esme?" I asked quietly.

I heard her sniffle before she answered me. "Oh, Bella. That was a beautiful visit."

"Visit?"

She sniffled again and spoke. "Oh, sweetheart, that wasn't a dream. That was your mother coming to say hello and tell you things she needed to say and you needed to hear."

Okay, maybe calling Esme wasn't the best idea I'd ever had. She was obviously as crazy as I was.

"Esme –"

"Did Edward or Alice ever tell you that they had another brother besides Emmett?"

Taken aback, I blurted out my first thought. "Uh…no…"

"I'm not surprised. They know about him, of course, but it was still so painful to talk about when they were young. Even now…" Her voice drifted off and I knew she was lost in her thoughts. After a minute, she spoke again. "Carlisle and I had a son about three years before Emmett was born. He was a healthy, happy baby and we loved him desperately. We named him Byron and for three short months he was the light of our lives. Then one day, I woke up and realized he hadn't cried during the night. When I went to his bassinette…he had passed away. SIDS."

"Oh, Esme. I'm so sorry. I had no idea." I was crying now, unable to even fathom the hurt and anguish she must have gone through.

She sighed. "It was…difficult, and to this day I haven't truly gotten over it. It's not something you can just move on and forget, even when you go on to have three more healthy children who live into adulthood. Losing Byron was…well, it's unexplainable. It's nothing that can be described and you never want anyone to have to understand it."

We were silent for a moment, both lost in our thoughts, until Esme started talking again. "Anyway, the reason I'm telling you about Byron was because he came to visit me one night as well, and so I know you're not crazy…although, you're probably thinking I'm pretty nuts right about now."

"I…I…" I didn't know what to say to her.

"It's fine, but I ask that you just listen to me before you call my children to have me committed, okay?" She chuckled and I laughed with her.

"Okay."

"A few months after Byron died, I was still inconsolable. Carlisle wasn't fairing much better and we were just…struggling to survive. We were going to a group on infant loss and it was helping a bit, but not much. I was getting to the point where I didn't think I could go on…with my life, with my marriage…everything seemed so bleak. I was hitting rock bottom, and I had no idea how to begin to recover from our loss. So, one night, I went to bed, hoping I'd sleep at least a little bit. And that's the night he came to see me."

Esme cleared her throat and her voice was a little huskier when she spoke again. "In my dream, I was standing in the nursery, in front of his crib, crying. And then I heard a little voice from behind me say, 'Mama, don't cry. I'm okay.' I turned around, and there's this little blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy standing in the doorway. He was the spitting image of Carlisle, and I knew it was Byron."

I was sobbing now, unable to imagine the pain and joy she must have felt from seeing her son in her dreams. I could tell Esme was crying too, but she kept speaking through her tears.

"So, I did the only thing I could. I held out my arms and he came running into them. And I had never felt more at peace. I held him for…I don't even know how long…but when I opened my eyes, my mother was standing in the doorway. She had died just after Carlisle and I got married and I was shocked to see her. Never in all the years since she'd been gone had I ever had a dream with her in it – and then there she was. She smiled at me and said, 'He wanted to come and see you and tell you he was okay. So I brought him.'"

Esme blew out a breath. "I picked him up and carried him over to her and she hugged me and told me she loved me. Then my son put his hands on my cheeks and said, 'Mama, I love you and I'll always be with you. It's going to be okay. My brothers and sister will come and you won't be so sad anymore.'"

I gasped. "Wait…what?"

Esme laughed. "Oh yes, I just about dropped him when he said that to me. I gaped at my mother and she just smiled at me and said, 'I'll take good care of him over here. You'll have plenty to do on your side.' Then they both kissed me goodbye, she took his hand and they walked down the hallway. I woke up just as I couldn't see them anymore."

We were quiet once more, both of us digesting what she had told me. Finally, Esme sighed. "Bella, I'm telling you all this because I need you to understand that maybe what we both experienced was a dream…but it felt so real that I don't know how it could be. How would my subconscious know – even if it did manage to conjure up a child that looked just like Carlisle – that I would later give birth to two boys and a girl? I didn't even get pregnant with Emmett for another two years after that dream. The only explanation I have is that my child and my mother, from wherever they were, saw that I needed them and came to offer me the only thing that would comfort me in that moment. Maybe your mother did the same for you tonight."

I nodded, even knowing she couldn't see me, but I couldn't speak through my sobs. I no longer felt crazy; I felt blessed. Having Esme share her story just proved to me that even though there was no reasonable explanation to what we had both experienced, something had happened, and it had given us both what we needed.

Closure. The ability to move on. Forgiveness. Love.

She and I spoke a while longer, discussing the similarities in our dreams. Even if for some reason they weren't real, they had felt real to us and that's what mattered. Others might think we were reading too much into them or searching for meaning that wasn't really there, but it didn't matter. They had served a purpose for us and that couldn't be wrong.

I slept in the next morning, thankful that I didn't have to teach until later that afternoon. The previous day had been draining in so many ways, but it was also freeing in others. It was wonderful to wake up without the heaviness in my heart I had carried with me for so many months.

When Edward got home from work that morning, I told him about my dream. I wasn't completely surprised that he took it in stride, along with the conversation I'd had with Esme. I was a tiny bit afraid he would think I was crazy, but he just shrugged.

"Baby, I've seen a lot unexplainable things since I became a doctor. I know nothing is impossible. I have no doubt your mom found a way to come through and talk to you, just like my brother found a way to talk to my mom. Sometimes things just don't make sense…they don't have to."

The next few days passed quickly. I had no more dreams about my mother, but the upside to that was I didn't have constant nightmares either. Between Monday night when my mother "visited" me and Thursday morning, I had only one nightmare. Thankfully, it hadn't been as bad as usual and I hoped that, somehow, it meant I was getting better – that my heart was finally coming to terms with my guilt and grief. There continued to be lightness inside of me, instead of dark heaviness I had carried with me for so very long.

Maybe hearing and speaking to my mother again had helped me. Maybe I would be fine now.

When Thursday rolled around, I was anxious to see Dr. Whitlock so I could tell him about my week and, in particular, my dream.

"How did you feel when you woke up?" he asked as we sat in his office. He had a small smile on his face and, as usual, it helped to ground me.

"Confused, a little disoriented. Both happy to have 'seen' her again," I said, using air quotes to describe the visit with my mom. "But also sad that it wasn't real."

He appraised me for a bit before nodding slowly. "Did it feel real?"

I blew out a breath. "Yeah, it did."

"Many people have many beliefs about life after death, but they all have one thing in common…it's comfort for the living. Why are discounting the fact that you saw her?"

"I'm not. But I just…I don't know how to refer to it. I believe she came to see me…I don't think I'm explaining myself right. It's not that I don't believe it happened…I'm just sad that it had to happen the way it did. That the only way I'll ever see her again is in my dreams. I'll never be able to hug her when I'm awake, never be able to introduce her to Edward…she'll never meet her grandchildren."

I don't know what made me think I'd get through this session without crying. I owed Dr. Whitlock a fortune in tissues. Grief was a fickle bitch, and she sometimes reared her evil head just when you thought you conquered her. I had counted my chickens much, much too soon.

As usual, Dr. Whitlock waited out my tears. When I composed myself a bit, he handed me another tissue and stared at me silently, waiting for me to continue.

"For the first time in months, I didn't feel so weighed down. Seeing her, talking with her in my dream made me feel like…well, it made me feel hopeful. Like it was all I had been waiting for and now I could move on with the rest of my life, no more guilt, no more grief. Dumb, huh?" I blew my nose and waited for Dr. Whitlock to laugh at my naivety.

He didn't laugh; instead, he just gave me an understanding smile. "Bella, after all that you have been through, it doesn't surprise me in the least that you felt that way. For the first time in months you woke up from a dream that wasn't a nightmare. Whatever it was, it allowed you to release some of the guilt you have been carrying around with you. Being able to let that go…" He made a sweeping gesture with his hands. "…It's a weight off of you that you've been carrying around for a long time. It's supposed to feel good to have it gone."

Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his legs. "It's normal to want those feelings to go away completely, but that's just not how it works. It takes time and it won't happen all at once. One dream will not fix every problem or bad feeling you have. The grief process is something that goes in fits and stages. You'll pass through one stage only to go back and re-visit it at a later date and time. There's no right way to grieve, Bella. You just have to let it take its course."

My shoulders slumped. I couldn't imagine going through this process indefinitely. It had drained so much from me already and I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

"I don't tell you this to discourage you, although from your body language, that's exactly how you're feeling." Dr. Whitlock paused and I nodded. "The truth of it is grieving is different for everyone. Over time, you could go weeks in the acceptance stage, only to be thrown back into anger or depression without warning. Or you may fly right through anger and move into depression. The point I'm trying to make though is that it's just something you have to get through; it doesn't end overnight."

I ran a hand over my wet cheeks and under my nose. "I guess I had just hoped…"

Dr. Whitlock gave me another understanding smile. "Of course you did, and there's nothing wrong with that. I just want to caution you that you'll have good days, and you'll have bad days. Grief doesn't have an expiration date, although I do promise that someday it'll lessen. Time might not heal all wounds, but it does help lessen their pain, even if it's just to a dull roar."

I left Dr. Whitlock's office feeling deflated. It wasn't that I didn't agree or understand what he had told me, I just wished it wasn't true. Part of me had believed that the dream would completely cure me of my guilt and grief and I could just move on.

Life isn't like that though.

At least it wasn't for me.

Edward was waiting for me when I got home from my appointment. He was sitting on the couch, laptop closed next to him, watching COPS – again.

"Hey! How was your session?" He stood and walked toward me, his smile fading as he saw the look on my face. He wrapped his arms around me and I sunk into his body, letting him take most of my weight.

"Good…just draining." Edward's hands rubbed up and down my back, trying to smooth out some of the tension I carried there.

"What can I do?" he whispered.

"Nothing." I shrugged. "Just…hold me for a little bit?"

He kissed the top of my head. "Whatever you need, baby."

We stood there rocking silently, his arms sliding up and down my back, calming me. I pulled back so I could look at his face. "Don't you ever get tired of dealing with my depressed self?"

Edward shook his head as he ran a finger down my cheek. "No. I wish I could do something to take away your pain, and to make things easier for you. But I never want to be anywhere but where you are."

I snuggled back into his embrace, staying there for a few more minutes, and then went to the bedroom to change. Edward followed me.

"Where's Ali?" I asked as I slipped off my skirt and pulled on a pair of jeans. Even though I only had office hours that day, I hated showing up at school looking too casual.

"Still at the store. She told me to tell you she was bringing home Mexican, so not to worry about cooking."

Alice and Jasper had an amazing first date, but as far as I knew hadn't seen or talked to each other since. It wasn't that Alice hadn't wanted to, but she was determined to take things slow. After being burned by the guy in New York, she didn't want to rush into something only to find out Jasper wasn't who she thought he was. Once bitten, twice shy – Alice was living proof of that.

"Did you want to do anything tonight?" I asked, running my brush through my hair.

I could see Edward appraising me through the mirror, and I could tell he was trying to decide how to answer me.

"Edward, I'm fine. Just tired. If you want to do something, we can. I feel like I keep you cooped up in here with me all the time."

After the sunshine of California, it was difficult to get used to the Washington winters again after all the years away. Between the weather and my depression, I hadn't exactly been a bundle of fun. My medication was helping with my moods and anxiety, but I still felt more comfortable curled up in Edward's arms in my apartment than out at a bar or restaurant.

"Alice in Wonderland is playing down at the Cineplex still; I thought maybe we could go see that?" His hands brushed over my shoulders and then he moved back so I could finish brushing my hair.

I nodded. "Okay, that sounds good. Do you think we should invite Ali?"

Edward agreed that would be fine, but when we asked her, Alice blushed.

"I'm actually meeting Jasper for drinks in about an hour. So thanks, but I'll skip tonight."

"Jasper? Who's Jasper?" Edward forked down another mouthful of Mexican rice while Alice and I exchanged glances. She hadn't told him about meeting Jasper yet, and I hadn't mentioned it because – well, it wasn't my story to tell.

"Jasper is a guy I met. We went out on Monday and we're going out again tonight." Alice daintily wiped her mouth and smiled at Edward.

"Two dates in a week. Moving kinda quick, huh, Baby Girl?"

Edward set his fork down to give his sister his undivided attention. It was no secret that the Cullen boys were insanely overprotective of their little sister, and I had no doubt both Edward and Emmett would be making up for lost time now that Alice was living in Washington again. Hopefully, Rose and I would be able to rein them in. I hoped that Edward never found out about the douchebag that had broken Alice's heart in New York or I'd be bailing him out of jail sooner than I could say "assault with a deadly weapon."

"Moving quickly? This coming from the man who met and fell in love with my best friend only a few short months ago?"

I bit my lip, trying to hold back a laugh. Edward had the grace to blush.

"Not the same thing, Ali. Not the same thing at all." He took a sip of his Corona and avoided his sister's eyes.

"Whatever. I'm going to go get ready." Alice bounced off her seat, grabbing her dish and putting it in the dishwasher. She looked at me. "Do something with him, will you?"

I nodded and continued eating, watching Edward closely. Together three months or not, I could read him like a book.

"We can go to the late movie. I need to meet this guy." Looking at his watch, Edward stood and took his empty plate to the sink. "I'm going to call Emmett –"

"Edward Anthony, you will do no such thing," I snapped. There was no way I was going to let him go so far in playing the protective big brother.

His eyes widened as he took in my expression. "I was just…uh…you know…"

I nodded. "I know exactly what you have planned. You are not calling Emmett to come over so you can scare the crap out of Jasper and put him off of Alice. Your sister has the right to date who she wants without any interference from you and your brother."

"Jasper? What the hell kind of name is that anyway? Jesus."

I laughed. "Um, really, Edward? Should I bring you your pocket watch and cane before he gets here?"

He rolled his eyes. "What-the-fuck-ever. We don't know anything about this guy. He could be a serial killer or something."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. "I know him, Edward. They met through me. And he's not a serial killer."

"What do you mean they met through you? How do you know him?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Um, please tell me that is not jealousy I hear in your voice."

"Just tell me, please?" He crossed his arms over his chest and I smirked. He was jealous.

"Jasper works in my therapist's office."

"He's a shrink?"

Huffing, I rolled my eyes again. "Not yet; he's working toward becoming one. I've gotten to know him over the last few weeks and on Monday, I had a particularly rough session."

Edward's eyes softened and he moved toward me. As he wrapped his arms around my waist, I continued. "I had been running late to get there in the first place, and Alice dropped me off and offered to pick me up when I was done. After the session, Jasper was talking to me, making sure I was okay. Apparently we got carried away in our conversation because Alice came bursting in looking for me. One look and they were both goners."

"Love at first sight?" Edward gave a short 'hmph.'

"Really? You're really going to go there?"

He pulled me in closer to him. "It was different with us. I was infatuated with you for years."

I shook my head. "And neither of us did anything about it." I tilted my head up so I could look at him. "Let her do this her way, okay? Your sister knows what she's doing, so just let her be."

Edward sighed. "Yeah, yeah."

"Edward," I warned.

"Fine." He kissed the top of my head before hugging me tight. "Ready to go to the movie?"

The weeks passed as April slid into May and May into June.

I had good days and bad days, although for the first time, the good days outweighed the bad. I still had nightmares, but they were less frequent and less severe than before. My medication was working well, as my anxiety had dropped considerably. Instead of just living in a constant state of depression and darkness, I spent more of my time laughing and smiling. Dr. Whitlock dropped our sessions down to once a week, saying he was very happy with how far I had come since I first began seeing him.

Edward's love, commitment and support certainly hadn't hurt my recovery either. Knowing that I could cry on his shoulder whenever I needed to, or that he would give me space when I needed it was worth more than anything else in my life. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized just how essential he was to me. It wasn't that I was incomplete without him, or that I couldn't live without him – I just didn't ever want to. I was a better person, a happier person, when he was around.

Mid-June found us planning for Rose and Emmett's wedding in the Bahamas. They were getting married there the first weekend in August and plans were in full swing. Between trying to find cheap flights and accommodations, as well as help Alice down at the store between my summer classes, I was busy. I lived and breathed by my day planner, paying close attention to where I was supposed to be and when I was supposed to be there.

It was no wonder then that Edward's birthday snuck up on me.

I had wracked my brain about what to get him, going between the about to be released iPhone and a weekend away. The problem was everything I thought of was well out of my price range. My job had obviously offered me some financial stability, but I still had medical bills to pay, along with my portion of the rent and day-to-day necessities. Despite the fact that I was in love with someone who was more than willing to share his wealth with me, my pride wouldn't let me accept it. I wanted to prove to myself that I could support myself should the need ever arise; being a child of divorce had shown me that it wasn't smart to depend on someone else for your financial well-being. I knew Edward and I could go the distance, but I was also a realist. Being able to support myself was important to me.

So, I gave up the idea of getting my boyfriend an extravagant gift, and gave him the only thing I had to offer – myself.

It took some doing, but I convinced Emmett to let us have the apartment to ourselves the night of Edward's birthday. Emmett had me on the verge of agreeing to name my first-born child after him before Rose told him to knock it off; he had to work that night and wouldn't be home anyway.

I set up candles around Edward's bedroom and made sure the raspberry-colored baby doll I'd recently purchased was hanging up behind his bathroom door, available for easy access to change into when the time came. I made his favorite dinner – Esme's roast beef with potatoes and carrots. Thankful that it was a clear and warm Seattle night for once, I set up dinner on the rooftop terrace next to the small fire pit the boys had there. I had made myself comfortable in one of his Adirondack chairs with a glass of wine and waited for him to come home.

He didn't keep me waiting long.

"Bella?" I heard him call throughout the condo, looking for me.

"Out here!" I took another sip of my wine and felt a burn in my belly that was from more than just the alcohol. Just the sound of his voice set me on fire.

"Hey," he said as he stepped through the sliding glass doors. "What's all this?"

I put my wine down and made to stand up, but he was right there to help me. My physical recovery had been complete for a while, but from time to time, my hip still gave me issues.

"Happy Birthday." I smiled and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him.

"Hmmm, thank you," he murmured as we parted. "Wow, I didn't expect all this." He held me as he looked around at the fire and the table set for our dinner.

"Oh, just wait." I winked at him as I moved into the apartment to pull our dinner out of the oven. Edward growled quietly behind me.

He was able to control himself throughout dinner, complementing me on the food as we ate out under the stars. The fire burned brightly next to us as we spoke quietly about our days and our plans for the upcoming weeks. It was going to be a busy summer for us, but it was full of good things we wanted to do. Still on that list was finding somewhere to live.

Edward and I had hoped to find a new place quickly after we had made the decision to move in together, but we couldn't seem to agree on what we wanted or where we wanted to settle. We thought by being open to anywhere in the city and suburbs of Seattle, it would give us enough options to find something we'd like, but nothing appealed to me.

Edward would show me pictures of apartments and condos, but I was indifferent to them. I just couldn't picture Edward and I living in any of the places we looked at, no matter how close they were to the university or how wonderful the neighborhood was supposed to be. I was anxious to move in together, but at the same time, I was also enjoying how things were too. We were happy, and things were going so well. I didn't want to rush into anything knowing we could take our time to find the perfect place. Edward didn't seem to be in any hurry either, so we continued to look, and didn't panic about not finding anything.

After dinner, Edward helped me carry the dishes inside but didn't fight me on letting me clean up on my own. He banked the fire outside while I put away our leftovers and loaded the dishwasher. We finished up about the same time and he was stalking toward me when I held up my hand to stop him.

"Give me five minutes, and then meet me in your room?" I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as I saw the fire in his eyes.

I hoped the birthday boy was going to be thrilled with his birthday present.

Rushing into his room, I shut the door and moved quickly into the bathroom. I had my clothes off and the lingerie on within seconds, and I ran back to the bedroom to light the candles. With about thirty-seconds to spare, I threw myself on the bed and fluffed out my hair, hoping I looked seductive and good enough for a birthday surprise.

Edward knocked softly before opening the door. His eyes widened when they saw me, and a smirk played across his lips.

"Happy Birthday," I said quietly as he stalked toward me.

"Happy Birthday indeed." He began unbuttoning his shirt as I reached over to take care of his belt. Within seconds he was completely naked in front of me.

I leaned over and took him in my mouth. His hand came to grasp the back of my head, making me moan, which made Edward shudder. I continued working him, feeling him grow longer and harder as I used my tongue and teeth to bring him to the edge.

Suddenly, he pushed at my shoulders and I quickly found myself on my back, naked underneath him.

"I need to be inside of you…I can't wait anymore…" Edward growled and I felt myself go hot and liquid inside. I loved him when he was like this, just barely hanging on to his control.

He slid inside of me and I threw my head back at the sensation. I loved joining with him like this, feeling as close to him as I possibly could. His hands griped the headboard above us as his hips moved in a rhythm that was driving me to distraction. His hand reached down in between us and started stroking me, bringing me closer to the brink of my orgasm. All it took was my glancing up at him and seeing the concentration on his face, the love in his eyes to bring me to a shuddering, lovely completion.

Edward came right behind me, and we groaned as he moved to my side.

I spoke when I finally caught my breath. "Happy Birthday."

Edward threw back his head and laughed. "Happy Birthday, indeed."

At the beginning of July, UDub offered me a full-time spot on the faculty for the Fall. The offer came as a surprise, as it usually took much longer for an adjunct to earn a tenure track position. Apparently Kathleen had been happy with my teaching, and the students had given me awesome evaluations. When one of the older English professors decided to retire, Kathleen said it had been a no-brainer on who to offer their position to.

I was currently teaching two courses for Summer Session A-Term. My commitment for the summer would be over by mid-July, allowing me to take a break for a few weeks before prep would start for the Fall. Edward and I planned to spend a week in Forks with our parents before taking a week's vacation in the Bahamas for Emmett and Rosalie's wedding.

Alice and Jasper's relationship was moving along at a steady pace, and while Alice was still being cautious, it was clear she was in love with him even if she wasn't saying it out loud. It was wonderful to see her so happy and I just adored Jasper. He was a wonderful friend to me and so good to Alice. Edward was happy that his sister was happy, and he liked Jasper on a personal level as well. Even Emmett gave his seal of approval, which, according to Alice, had never happened before.

Esme and Carlisle came to Seattle one weekend to meet him, and it was clear that within the first hour that Esme was already hearing wedding bells for the two of them. She wasn't pushy about it, but you could tell she was thoroughly impressed with Jasper and thought he was perfect for her daughter.

With Alice dating Jasper, she no longer felt like a third wheel, and Edward and I no longer felt guilty for being a loving couple in front of her. The four of us spent a lot of time together and I was happy to see Edward and Jasper developing a strong friendship. It went a long way in showing Alice that we didn't think she had a thing to worry about when it came to Jasper.

The summer passed quickly. Our visit to Forks was fun, with Edward and I splitting our time between the Cullen's, my dad's, and Jake and Leah's. Leah looked like she was going to pop the baby out at any moment, even though she had at least two more months to go before she was due. You couldn't wipe the smile off of Jake's face any time he looked at her, or how he'd softly hum when he gently caress her stomach anytime the baby kicked. He couldn't keep his hands off of her. It was easy to see just how happy and proud he was of his growing family.

Edward was quiet on the drive home. When we were about ten minutes from his parent's house, I finally asked him if he was okay.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. It was nice to hang out with Jake and Leah tonight."

There was something in his tone that I couldn't pick up on, but it was there. "Yeah, it was. I miss them. I know we're only a few hours away, but sometimes if feels like I go as long between visits as I did when I was in California."

Edward said nothing, and just nodded. I sighed. "Edward, what's wrong?"

He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, and then closed it. "Nothing, baby, I promise. I'm just tired."

I considered arguing with him, knowing there was more than that, but decided against it. If he wanted to talk to me, he would. Mr. Stubborn wouldn't budge until he was ready.

However, when the silence kept up through our return to Carlisle and Esme's house, and through our getting ready for bed, I got tired of waiting for him.

"Are you going to tell me why you're being so quiet?" I sat on the edge of the bed in my t-shirt and shorts, watching him as he folded his pants over the back of the desk chair.

He avoided my eyes, saying nothing, which moved me from slightly concerned to irritated.

"Alright, you know what? Fine." I stood up, pulled down the covers and climbed into bed. I wasn't going to beg him to talk to me. It didn't occur to me until later that this was how he must've felt when I got all quiet and clammed up.

Edward moved around the bedroom, but it didn't look like he was doing anything but avoiding coming to bed. Finally, just when I was about to tell him goodnight and turn off the light, he turned around and looked at me.

"Do you want that?"

I didn't answer him at first, looking around the room to see what he was talking about. Not seeing anything in particular, I asked, "Want what?"

He huffed and shuffled his feet. "What Leah and Jacob have."

Again, I wasn't quite getting what he was asking. "What do you mean?"

Edward moved toward the bed and sat down next to me. "The house, the marriage, the baby?" He wouldn't look me in the eyes.

"Edward…" I said softly, trying to get him to look at me. "Hey…"

He glanced up and I could see the worry and doubt written all over his face.

"I thought I told you that I did. That I dreamed of that kind of future with you." I brought my hand up to cup his cheek. Since when did he turn into the girl in this relationship?

Something in my face must have reassured him because he smiled. "You did. Sorry. Had a freak moment of insecurity." He shrugged. "Ignore me, okay?"

I leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you, and I want to be with you forever."

He said nothing, just wrapped me in his arms and held me.

Our trip to the Bahamas was amazing, and Rosalie and Emmett's wedding went off without a hitch. Edward was Emmett's best man, while Rose's childhood best friend, Veronica, was her matron of honor. Veronica's son, Henry, was their ring bearer.

Under the sunset skies, with white sand under our feet, Emmett and Rose promised to love, honor and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. The ceremony was beautiful and led me once again wondering when – not if – Edward and I would be ready to stand where they were.

Their kiss at the end of the ceremony brought a blush to my cheeks and a shake of Carlisle's head. Poor Henry practically got smacked as Edward hurried to cover the toddler's eyes from the very inappropriate display. We couldn't help but laugh at it though, because it was so Rose and Emmett.

We drank too much, laughed too loudly and danced long into the night after the ceremony. As Edward swayed with me along the dance floor as the last song of the night played, he looked deep into my eyes as he asked, "Someday?"

I held him as tight as I could as I nuzzled into his chest. "Someday."

His sigh of contentment was all I needed to hear.

Our busy summer turned into an equally busy fall. Edward finished his residency and got the attending position at Harborview like he had hoped. Thankfully, Tanya had moved on after giving birth; rumor had it she slunk away to Alaska when Alistair caught her with the results of the DNA test Edward had sent her after her son's birth. The results proved what Edward had always known and what Tanya had eventually told him – he was not the father of her child. Unfortunately, Matthews hadn't ever been informed that it was even a possibility. He had confronted Tanya and then Edward. Edward was quick to put him in his place and give his side of the story. Last Edward had heard, Matthews had broken up with her and was threatening to sue for custody. He had approached Edward for help, but Edward made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Tanya – including taking her child from her. Matthews wasn't happy and was even less so when he found out Tanya had left Washington. Edward wasn't sure what was going to happen with them, but honestly, he didn't care much either. As soon as the results came in, we shut the door on that part of our relationship forever. We agreed to never mention her again.

With the Tanya drama finally completely behind us, I began the fall semester at UDub and Edward settled into more regular hours. Things were going so incredibly well that I knew it was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped.

It came in the form of the one-year anniversary of the accident.

I was completely unprepared for it when I finally realized the date. I shouldn't have been, considering how irrevocably it changed my life, but I had been so wrapped up in everything going on around me, I just hadn't been paying attention to what the actual date was. My bad days were fewer and farther between, and my nightmares had dwindled to almost nothing. I had gone weeks without having one for most of the summer, so when they started picking up again toward the end of August, I should have paid more attention and been more prepared.

I wasn't.

It hit me in the middle of class. A student had a question about a due date on the syllabus and I flipped through my calendar to double check it. I answered her question and flipped back to that week's page and looked down.

Looking back up at the class, I asked in a shaky voice, "What's today's date?"

I got a few weird looks before someone answered, "It's September first, Professor Swan."

My body started trembling. "Than…thank you."

A year ago. One year.

Where had the time gone?

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to make it through the rest of class. I had never been so thankful that it was one of my easy days and it was the only class I had. I was supposed to sit office hours that afternoon, but I told C.C. and the department secretary something had come up and I needed to leave.

I got behind the wheel of my car, shaking like a leaf, and not sure what to do first. I turned on the car and pulled out of my parking space, but didn't get very far before the memories overtook me. I quickly pulled over and called Edward.

"Hey, baby! I didn't expect to hear from you until later. What's up?"

"H..hey. I, um…I…need you."

"Bella, what's wrong?" His voice went from happy-go-lucky to concerned in a heartbeat.

"It's…September first…" My teeth were chattering and I couldn't get the image of the wreck out of my mind. The broken glass, the twisted metal, Phil's blood covered body lying next to me…

"I don't…Bella, I don't understand…What's going on?" There was shuffling in the background and I could hear Edward whispering to someone.

"The accident…was…today," I whispered, unable to get anything else out between my shaking.

"Oh fuck. Where are you?" He was breathless, and I could tell he was moving quickly.

"The…school parking…lot. Don't…think…I can…drive."

"No! No. Stay where you are. I'm coming to get you. Just hang on, baby. I'm on my way."

In the time it took Edward to arrive, I calmed some. Popping my medication helped greatly, although I was practically asleep by the time Edward found me. Even in my out of it state, I could see his pallor and the worry in his eyes.

"Oh, baby. Why didn't you stay home today?" His hand ran over my hair down to cup my cheek. "Or tell me? I would've…"

"I wasn't paying attention." My eyes slipped shut as he continued to stroke my cheek. "Can you believe it? I flipping forgot the worst day of my life." I huffed, but it came off as a small choked sob.

"Come on." Edward helped me from the car. "Let's go home."

I was asleep by the time he pulled out of the parking lot.

When I woke up a few hours later, I was in bed and I could hear Edward talking to Alice out in the other room. He had left my door open; I could only assume it was so he could hear me if I called out for him.

Rolling over, I grabbed my phone. Three missed calls. Jake, my dad, and Dr. Whitlock. The men in my life checking up on me, I was sure.

Not wanting to listen to their voicemails just yet, I got up gingerly and made my way to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror to find my face pale, dark circles under my eyes, and no color in my lips. It was a shock to say the least; it had been months since I had looked so horrible.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice through the bathroom door.

"Be out in a sec," I called softly. He must have heard me because he didn't respond, nor did he come in to check on me.

I kept my promise and left the bathroom a few minutes later. Edward looked relieved when he saw me and was quick to pull me into his arms.

"How are you feeling?" His jaw swiped over my hair and I felt him press a kiss to my head.

"I'm…okay…" I answered quietly. It wasn't a lie. I was certainly better than I was when I had called him, and my body and mind had calmed enough so I could think rationally about the day and what it meant.

"Are you sure?" Edward pulled back so he could look in my eyes. "You know you don't have to…"

"I know. I'm better – really. Thank you for coming to get me. I hope I didn't screw up your day too much." I leaned my cheek into his chest and took a breath in, letting the essence of Edward surround me.

"Nothing that couldn't be handled." He swayed me a little and I smiled at the calming motion. He knew how to comfort me, even when I couldn't voice exactly what I needed. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke. "Do you want to talk about it…about anything?"

We moved over to the bed and Edward lay down. I cuddled into him, throwing my leg over his and putting my head on his chest. His arms wrapped around me, drawing me in as close as he could get me.

"I can't believe I forgot…" I mumbled. It bothered me beyond belief that I somehow just let the day get away from me.

"You've been really busy lately. Maybe it just…slipped your mind, or…" He trailed off, so I moved my head so I could look at his face.

"Or what?"

He sighed. "Maybe your way of dealing with it was to try and forget about it. Just pretend it wasn't coming up."

I closed my eyes. That explanation sounded much more likely. "Yeah, maybe."

We both got quiet before I spoke again. "I feel like a shitty daughter most of all. My mother died today and I couldn't even be bothered to remember that fact." I felt the tears prick my eyes and I swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in my throat.

"Sweetheart, that's just not true. I really think you were just trying to protect yourself. You've worked so hard over the last year to get better; I think you just shut it down so you wouldn't have to go back there." Edward kissed my forehead and I snuggled back into his side.

"Doesn't change the outcome though. I really…I really should've been more prepared. Having a breakdown in the parking lot? Making you come and get me? None of that would've happened if I had just paid closer attention, if I just realized..." I sniffled. "And I really feel like I should've honored her in some way today."

"When's her birthday?" I lifted my head again to look at him. "I mean it, when is her birthday? Maybe instead of doing something today, we could do something that day instead, when there's happier memories attached," Edward suggested.

I thought it over and honestly, it felt better to me. Honoring somehow on the day she died just felt…wrong. I should celebrate her life, not her death.

"I like that idea," I said quietly. "Her birthday is in October. October 28th."

"We'll do something then. It'll be a better day for it, I think."

I put my head back down and sighed. "I think so, too."

The rest of the night was spent in quiet reflection. He suggested calling Dr. Whitlock – I had finally caved and told Edward who I was seeing – but since I had an appointment with him the next day and was doing better, I didn't think it was necessary. Alice, Edward and I had a quiet dinner before I called my dad and Jake back. Jake did a good job of making me laugh, and telling me it looked like Baby Black could arrive any day. I made him promise he'd call me the minute Leah went to the hospital so I could do my best to get there before the baby was born. Alice already had Kristen and Christina on stand-by to be at the store the moment the call came in.

The conversation with my dad was much more somber. He was having a hard time with the day as well, remembering the terrifying phone call that had come in and his journey across the country to reach me. He had to deal with so much – the worry that I wouldn't make it, notifying Jake, Alice and Joe that I was in the hospital, identifying mom and Phil, planning their funerals. It was no small surprise that he sounded like he had been crying. Carlisle was there with him though, so it made me feel better that he wasn't alone. I realized my father was supposed to be a hard-ass cop, but there are some things that can bring even the strongest people to their knees.

I survived the day and woke up the next feeling slightly better. It had been a long year, with many horrible, but equally wonderful, things that had happened. My head and heart were finally able to recognize that sometimes out of bad comes good. The good times are sometimes followed by the bad, and the bad times don't last forever.

I would never forget how the year shaped my life. I would never stop missing my mother or carrying the tiniest bit of guilt around for her death. I would always be grateful that out of such a horrible moment came the greatest love of my life. I couldn't explain why things happened the way they did, but I understood that would probably be something I'd never be able to do.

Acceptance. Forgiveness. Peace. Love.

After all I had gone through, I had found them all in the end.

I had come full circle.

A/N:

Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited and alerted this story. I appreciate it more than I can say. Really.

I would love to hear your thoughts, so if you feel like leaving me a review, I would love to hear from you.

BTW, in case it comes up. I started writing this back in 2009, setting the story in the end of that year and then into 2010. That's why Alice in Wonderland is still playing at the movies in the chapter.

This is the last regular chapter. Epilogue to follow...