Disclaimer: I do not own any of the vampire academy characters.

Rose's song is numb by Honey Ryder

Dimitri's song is War by Poets of the fall

WARNING: this is a very intense chapter with reference to suicide. If you are sensitive to this then I suggest that you don't read this chapter.

Chapter 7- Numb

I woke up from my peaceful sleep to an empty bed. Where is he? Probably getting breakfast.I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed. I went to my leave my room to search for Dimitri when I found a note on my door.

Roza, it is not possible for us to be together.

I am a guardian and you are a student.

I'm sorry to have led you on but I promise you will never see me again.

Move on.

You deserve to be happy.

Goodbye.

Love D

I can't believe he's done it again. I ran to the gym to use to punch bag. I screamed as I punched and kicked it letting my anger control me. When suddenly the bag fell to the floor. I'd hit it so hard that the chain had snapped. I went to see Alberta to report it.

"What can I do for you Rose?"

"I broke the punch bag in the gym?" She looked at me confused.

"What do you mean you broke it?"

"I was so frustrated and angry that I punched and kicked it so hard that the chain snapped and it fell to the floor."

"You snapped the chain?" I nodded. "Wow! You must be very strong."

"Either that or my anger got the better of me."

"You shouldn't be angry. He had to leave."

"No he didn't. He was supposed to stay with… wait! How do you know?"

"I could see it. Plain as day. You two were in love. I was so happy for you two but someone saw you in the grounds kissing. Kirova made me get him to leave quietly or she would expel you as well as fire Dimitri.

"Why would she do that?" I shouted.

"Because relationships between guardians and students aren't allowed. Even more so because you were both supposed to be Lissa's guardians."

"I just want him back."

"I know you do, but he chose to leave so that you could have a future. One of you had to leave and he felt that it was his duty to give you a chance at a life." I stood up and moved towards the door. I spun around and looked her in the eye.

"A life isn't worth living if you have nothing to live for." I turned on my heel and left. I walked to Lissa's room to talk to her and hopefully feel a bit better. I knocked on her door and waited for her to open it. As soon as I saw her face the tears flooded my cheeks.

"Oh my god! What's wrong?" She said as she pulled me into her room and sat me down on her bed.

"He's gone again."

"Oh Rose. But you knew that would happen."

"But he could have at least waited until I woke up instead of leaving me feeling used."

"Wait. You slept with him?" she said accusingly. I nodded. "What the hell were you thinking Rose? You were doing so well getting over him!"

"No I wasn't! I could never get over him! I love him! And now he's gone again!"

"You're so stupid Rose! How could you sleep with him?" she yelled.

"I love him! That's how! He's my soul mate! And it seems the only person that truly gets me!" I retorted. "I came here because I thought you would understand, but obviously not."

"Get out! I don't ever want to talk to you again!" she screamed. I stormed out of her room and ran back to my own. I trashed it. I shoved books off my shelves, pulled the clothes out of my wardrobe and draws and scattered them across the floor. Finally I picked up a photo frame containing a picture of me and Lissa from a Halloween party back in the real world. I threw it at the floor length mirror on my wall. The mirror smashed and the glass in the frame cracked. I pulled paper from my desk and wrote two letters.

Lissa, if you are reading this then I am probably dead. I couldn't take being apart from Dimitri, I love him so much. I can't live without him in my life. I hope you forgive me but I have to do this. I know it's selfish but it's the only thing I can do to stop it from hurting. You are my sister in everything but blood. I love you. I'm sorry.

I will always be with you,

Rose x

Tears ran down my face as I read what I had just written. My tears mingled with the words from my heart that had just been expressed on the piece of paper. Trying to pull myself together enough to write the next letter was nigh impossible.

Dimitri, I hope this letter reaches you. As you know by now that I am dead, I don't want you to feel guilty. It's not your fault. I wasn't strong enough to go through losing you twice. I don't regret anytime we spent together, I just wish we had more of it. You mean the world to me and without you I have nothing. I can't live if living is without you. As I said to Alberta, a life isn't worth living if you have nothing to live for. So goodbye my love.

I will love you forever and always

Your Roza x

I put each letter into an envelope addressed to each reader. I left them on my desk as I ambled into my bathroom and searched through the cabinet to find my razor. I dropped it on the floor and jumped on it releasing a blade. I sliced the tips of my fingers whilst trying to pick it up leaving trails of blood on my bathroom floor before being able to finally grasp hold of it. I walked back into my bedroom and lay down on my bed trying to make myself more comfortable. I lifted the blade to my wrist and dragged it across the skin. The excruciating pain that followed threatened to consume me. It felt as though my wrist was on fire. I did the same with my other wrist and placed the bloody blade on my bedside table. I leaned against my headboard and watched my tears mingle with my blood. As the darkness devoured me my body slid down the headboard and my head lay on the pillow seeming as though I was only sleeping. But the blood soaked bed said otherwise.

Dimitri's POV- War

How am I doing this again? How could I find the strength to leave her? We are meant to be together. Forever. I spun the car around and raced back to the academy hoping that I wasn't too late. What if she has given up on me? I can't stand to live without her anymore. She is the only thing worth living for. Without her I'll go back to being an empty shell. I sped up the drive and launched myself from the car, bursting through the front door. I ran towards the dhampir dorms. WAIT! I came to a stand still. If I come back it will ruin her future. If we were to guard Lissa the Queen would never let us be together. I pushed forward. I want my Roza. But her future! I kept running. We will have to figure that out later.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" A deafening scream was coming from near Roza's room. I pushed harder and tried to run faster. I rounded the corner to find Lissa covered in blood.

"Lissa? What's going on?" She turned violently and slapped me around the face. It would have perhaps hurt a moroi or human but not a dhampir.

"It's all your fault!" she screamed at me, tears crashing down her pale cheeks.

"What is?" I was so confused as pushed past Lissa and into Roza's room, but I wasn't prepared for what I saw. There was blood everywhere. I ran over to Rose's bloody flesh and noticed two deep incisions on her wrists. I picked up her lifeless form and ran to Dr. Olendzki's clinic. "She's slit her wrists!" I called to the doctor as I burst through the door.

"Put her on the bed quick!" I placed my Roza's limp body on the nearest bed. "Okay. Can you wait outside please?" I left the clinic and sat in the waiting room. It felt like hours before the doctor emerged from Rose's room. I raced over to her.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yes she will be fine. You got her to me just in time. She'd lost a lot of blood."

"Can I see her?" I hoped she'd say yes.

"She's unconscious. It took a lot out of her."

"I'd still like to see her." I think she saw the desperation in my eyes.

"Okay." I walked past her and moved into the private room to see Rose's lifeless, pale body lying in the bed. I sat in the chair next to her and took her hand in mine.

"Oh my dear Roza. What have you done?"

A/N: what will happen when Rose wakes up? Will she take him back? Or push him away? Tell me what you think will happen and what you think so far :]