June 25th, 1976
It was a beautiful summer day, and Hogwarts students who weren't desperately packing their trunks at the last minute were enjoying their free time outdoors. Remus had been lounging with his friends in the sun by the lake, soaking in the warmth and reminiscing about the year behind them. Alice broke into tears at the sudden realization that it was her last day at Hogwarts and her friends all huddled together to console her with tearful embraces and promises to always keep in touch.
"I can't believe you're going to study to be an Auror!" Amelia said dreamily. "You will have so many adventures! You'd better write to us every week!"
"Of course! I do have to admit I am excited about the Auror Academy." Alice smiled, wiping her tears.
"Of course, it doesn't hurt that Frank Longbottom will be there." Remus wiggled her eyebrows and she gave him a playful shove.
"Well true, that won't hurt," she conceded. "I sure will miss your gloomy face." She stuck out her tongue. "You all will need to keep me updated on the progress on the potion. I know we are so close to solving it. Has Regulus said anything about his research recently? I regret I've been out of the loop I've been so preoccupied…"
Remus waved a hand dismissively. "It's fine, don't worry about it. And yes, Regulus has all sorts of plans for experimenting with ingredients this summer. I think next year we might actually get it sorted."
Alice's eyes filled with tears again and she pulled him into a hug, "Oh, Remus! I'm so glad."
"Alice, you're acting like we won't be seeing each other every weekend this summer." Remus laughed. He stood, wiping the grass from his robes. "I'm going to head in and finish up my packing. See you all at dinner."
As he was walking across the grounds back toward the castle, a familiar figure started jogging toward him. "Hey, Lupin! Wait up a minute."
Remus slowed his pace and groaned. "What is it, Black?"
Sirius caught up to him, panting to catch his breath, and running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair. He had undoubtedly been coming back from the quidditch pitch where several of the players from the house teams were doing broom races and other sport-related activities. "I just hoped we could talk. I never really had a chance to apologize for -"
Remus cut him off with a wave of his hand. "You've apologized plenty of times. If you'll excuse me, I have some packing to do." He turned to continue his walk up to the castle, but Sirius moved into his path, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Wait, no. That's not… What I meant is, we haven't resolved it." Sirius stammered.
"What you meant is that I haven't forgiven you." Remus crossed his arms and huffed in irritation.
"Yeah," Sirius said breathlessly. "I don't want to leave things like this for the summer. Can we just-" he looked down at his feet, kicking a small stone from the path. "What can I do, Remus? I know I fucked up, okay? I'm an idiot, but I swear I never wanted to hurt you. All I've ever wanted was to be your friend."
"How can you be my friend when I can't trust you?" Remus asked, coldly.
Sirius looked up sheepishly when his expression changed as he saw someone approaching behind Remus. Regulus put an arm over Remus's shoulder and said, "Is this man bothering you, Darling?"
Remus's tense posture relaxed into the touch and he grinned, pulling Regulus closer and wrapping an arm around his waist. "Frankly, Dear, yes he is."
Sirius was gaping at them in shock. "What's… What's going on here?" He pointed between the two of them, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
"Well, Sirius, it appears to me that you are harassing my boyfriend. I'm going to have to insist that you leave him be and remove yourself from the path immediately."
"Your boyfriend?" Sirius repeated, flabbergasted.
"Yes, now scooch!" Regulus waved Sirius to the side. Sirius moved aside but continued to stare, dumbfounded.
Remus smiled down at Regulus and put a hand on his chin planting a kiss on his cheek, "My hero!" Regulus went scarlet and Remus chuckled, stepping out from Regulus's arms he took a few steps backward along the path he winked and blew a kiss "See you later, snookums. Honey-but? Sweetie-pie?"
Regulus shook his head, face still red and grinning ear to ear. "Yeah, yeah. See you later, stud-muffin." Remus turned and continued toward the castle and Regulus turned to Sirius, "Isn't he just adorable?" before heading in the other direction, leaving his brother in stunned silence.
July 11, 1976
Dear Remus,
My first week working for Mr. Destry has been wonderful! I have never taken care of an animal before, as we were never allowed pets. I'm aware that they are not considered pets, but I suppose it's similar. There are some very unpleasant tasks involved, as they are very large animals and produce very large excrement. And since they drink only single malt whiskey, cleaning out the stalls releases fumes that burn my eyes and throat. Being unable to use magic just because I'm an underage wizard is terribly inconvenient. I can open windows to air it out, but unless there is a stiff breeze, that is not enough to significantly remedy the problem. Sometimes I can find an adult wizard to perform a bubble head charm for me, which is much better. There are quite a few horses whose owners live elsewhere and board them here since they don't have appropriate accommodations to care for them in the city. They come to visit or exercise their animals and some of them are very friendly and chatty. Incidentally, my French is already improving quite a bit!
I have collected quite a few Abraxan hairs and will be able to begin some experiments shortly with the help of my Uncle Ignatius. He is very supportive of my research (don't worry, he has no idea what potion I am actually doing the research for) and has a very nice and fully equipped lab which he has offered to let me use whenever I like.
It is really lovely here in Indre. (I do hope that you will be able to come and visit. I have weekends off from work and Aunt Lucretia said it is okay to invite friends to visit! There is plenty of space for visitors so you could even stay for a weekend if you wanted to!) It is so sparsely populated that we can fly our broomsticks over the hills and lakes with little chance of being spotted by muggles. Last night my Aunt, Uncle and I had a lovely picnic supper by the lake and watched the moonrise.
Speaking of which, how did last night go? Please write as soon as you can to let me know that you are well!
Regulus Arcturus Black
July 12, 1976
Dear Regulus,
I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to you yesterday. I was a bit under the weather. Your letter was a welcome distraction. I can't tell you how much I appreciated it. I am feeling much better today. Alice and her family will be coming over for dinner, so I will need to help prepare for that.
I've never had a pet either, but I have raised animals for food. (I know what you are thinking, "so barbaric", but until you have had to kill a chicken to feed your family I honestly don't want to hear it, Reg. I am rolling my eyes at you as I write this, just so you know.) Although I don't have a lot of experience with larger animals, we did have a cow once which left surprisingly large excrement. And we have many chickens, and cleaning out the coop has been noxious enough to make my eyes water so I think I can empathize with you on that one.
I honestly don't understand the point of preventing an underage wizard from using a spell now and then, especially in order to breathe clean air while caring for giant magical horses! I mean, really, what possible harm could it do? It's not like you would be endangering the statute of secrecy. The broomstick riding, on the other hand, seems much riskier. I will just have to trust your Aunt and Uncle that it is safe.
I hope things go well with the experiments. Have you heard from Amelia and Andrew about their progress with magical plant ingredients? I've also asked Pandora to get copies of any new research in the magical medicine journals.
I'd love to come and visit, but it will take some convincing for my parents to allow it. I'm sure a good boyfriend would be able to come up with a persuasive argument to be allowed to visit his beau in France for a weekend. I'm already failing miserably! I don't know how you put up with me.
I'll try. I promise.
Yours always,
Remus
July 16, 1976
To Mr. Remus J. Lupin,
Hi. Hello. How are you? I hope you are well.
As for myself, I am quite miserable. I really did mean it when I said that I would be tortured all summer knowing that you are still angry with me. If this misery is the price I must pay, then I will gladly bear it. I deserve all of it and more. I'm ashamed that I broke your trust by telling Snivellus, of all people, what I knew. That was stupid, thoughtless, and idiotic.
About our last encounter this Spring… Look, I don't know what you and Reggie are up to, but I have learned my lesson about meddling. So I won't ask. But I will say, I was clearly right about you being a good friend to him. I've never seen him as happy as he is with you.
I am enclosing a small gift. It is something that I found at a muggle thrift shop and it made me think of you. The muggles call it a "zippo lighter", and it normally requires a liquid fuel, but I have made some magical improvements, of course.
(I know it looks like the eagle is going to kill the snake, but I see them as best mates. Like you and Reggie! Get it? Ravenclaw and Slytherin… well, I'm sure you get it.)
Sirius Black III
(enclosed, zippo lighter with eagle and snake embossed image)
July 31, 1976
Dear Remus,
I have good and bad news regarding my research on Abraxan hairs. The good news is that the use of Abraxan hair in the potion may conceivably form a barrier between the poisonous compounds of the aconite and the wizard. The bad news is, I have no idea how it will affect the Wolf-spirit without any experimental data. I can only hope that there is more information in the medical journals regarding actual trials with werewolves using a similar technique. My suggestion is that we also continue our research on other magical animal essence ingredients, such as the suggested Erumpant horn powder. Erumpant horn powder is much less dangerous than explosive Erumpant horn fluid. I am hoping that it will be as effective, nevertheless.
Working with the Abraxans has continued to be a humbling experience. I now have a heightened empathy for what you must have experienced growing up with farm animals. I still prefer raising animals that can carry you through the sky to animals that are meant to be slaughtered for food.
Speaking of which, I have been learning to ride them and, Remus, it is incredible! One of the Abraxans has taken a shine to me, and if you come out for a visit I will have to introduce you. Her name is Estelle, and she is a magnificent creature! Evan came for a visit last weekend and Estelle carried us all over the countryside exploring the mountains and valleys and lakes!
In other news, since my Aunt has a floo available for use, I have been visiting Alphard's library quite frequently. I have set aside a sizable stack of books that I know you will adore! I'm keeping them here for you to peruse when you visit!
The weekend of August 21st and 22nd will be my last here before I will be required to return to London to prepare for school. Do you think your parents will allow you to come then? Shall I have my Aunt write to them?
I hope to hear from you soon.
Regulus Arcturus Black
P.S. My aunt does speak to my parents, so this would be a good opportunity to put our plan in motion. If you are still comfortable with the idea, of course.
August 2, 1976
Dear Reggie,
Your Aunt Lucretia is very persuasive. My mum received her owl and her gift of French Wine and after drinking half of the bottle she's essentially given me blanket permission to spend every summer with Lucretia and Ignatius Prewett if they would take me. But I think we'll stick with your idea and I'll floo over after breakfast on the 21st.
As for 'putting our plan in motion', don't you worry your pretty little head my sweetheart, my one and only, light of my life, star to my moon, as long as there is breath in my lungs no one shall ever doubt our love!
See you soon, honeybunch!
Adoringly yours,
Moony
August 5, 1976
Remus Lupin you are insufferable.
I will see you on the 21st then.
R.A.B.
P.S. Please owl me after the full to let me know that you are well.
August 10, 1976
Dear Remus,
I know, I'm so predictable, thinking of you while the moon is full. I can't help it, I see it up there in the sky, everyone else ignoring it and continuing on with their lives like it's nothing, but all I can do is look at it and my chest aches. I know you still hate me. At least, I think you must. And I know I have said, but it bears repeating. I am filled with remorse for what happened this Spring.
I don't expect forgiveness. But it would help me to breathe again if you could just let me know that you are alright.
How did you do on your OWLs? You probably got Outstanding in every subject. I earned O in Transfiguration, History, and Charms of course, and Es on the rest of them. I think I want to be a Curse Breaker, so I am doubling down on Ancient Runes and Defense Against the Dark Arts this year. What about you?
Sirius Black III
August 15, 1976
Dear Remus,
Mate, Sirius is driving me crazy moping about. Please write to him and let him know that you are alright.
Are you alright?
By the way, I may have gotten a look at the list of new prefects this year. You'll never guess who's been selected as a Slytherin prefect! Or maybe you don't have to guess because he's already told you. This year is going to be so much fun!
Please write back, to me at least if not to Sirius. So he can stop whining and enjoy what we have left of the summer.
James F. Potter
P.S. I was talking about Regulus. Being made a Prefect. In case that wasn't clear.
Dear James,
I'm fine. You can tell Sirius to stop worrying. Also, please thank him for the gift. I did want to write him back, I just haven't figured out what I want to say yet. I think I need more time.
Regulus hadn't mentioned being made a Prefect, but I'll be sure to torture him about it relentlessly when I see him this weekend. Thank you for the inside information!
I hope you'll be able to enjoy the rest of your summer. It was nice to hear from you, James.
Your friend,
R. J. Lupin
August 21, 1976
Remus's head swam as green flames tickled his face and images flew past his eyes in a swirl of colors with bits of sound and scents popping in just to vanish as he passed by. He had never traveled so far by floo before and he coughed, choking on soot as he landed with a thud in the Prewett's fireplace. Warm hands and a kind voice greeted him.
"Well, you must be Mr. Lupin! Here, let me help you, dear."
Lucretia was beautiful, with the signature dark wavy hair and high cheekbones common in the Black family, and dark blue eyes and clear skin just barely lined with signs of aging. She helped him step carefully from the fireplace and waved her wand to remove the soot and ash from his clothes. "The trip can be a bit disorienting."
"Thank you," Remus said as the room slowly stopped spinning and his stomach calmed. Regulus stood next to Lucretia, a shy smile breaking through his formal composure.
"Aunt Lucretia, meet Remus Lupin." Turning to Remus he said, "My uncle is away at the moment, but you'll meet him at dinner tonight."
"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Prewett. Er, I mean, merci de m'avoir invité chez vous." Remus winced at his own terrible French, but Lucretia was delighted by it.
"Vous êtes les bienvenus!" she said. "Regulus, dear, why don't you show Mr. Lupin around and I'll give you two some time to catch up before tea."
As she walked from the room, Regulus relaxed and took hold of Remus by the arm, practically bouncing in excitement. "I'm so glad you're finally here. Come on, I have so much to show you!"
Remus laughed and said "Good to see you too, Reggie!" as Regulus tugged on him, pulling him down a short hallway to his guest room.
"So, is there anything you want to tell me about? Like something that might have come in a letter from Hogwarts, by chance?" Remus asked airily and sat on the edge of the bed while Regulus started pulling books off of a shelf.
Regulus turned and looked at him in surprise, nearly dropping the stack of books he was now holding. "How did you know?" he asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
Remus smirked, "I have connections, you know. So are these the books from your uncle's library?"
Regulus dropped the stack of books on the bed next to Remus before sitting cross-legged at the head of the bed. "Yes, they are. Who was it? Your 'connections'?"
Remus shrugged as he rummaged through the pile, "It was James Potter, of course." Regulus groaned and wrinkled his nose like he smelled something particularly noxious. "What's that face for, Reggie? Are you telling me you don't like James Potter? Everyone likes James Potter."
Regulus huffed a laugh, "Not in Slytherin they don't."
"He's always been nice to me. I guess I've heard him say some rude things about Severus Snape, but I figured it was because he's friends with Lily Evans. Everyone knows James fancies her." Remus chose a book and crawled up to sit next to Regulus at the head of the bed, settling in to read.
Regulus tapped his fingers impatiently on the book on his lap. "I don't think you fully understand the extent of the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin houses. It's not just Severus and Potter. Why do you think I was the only Slytherin at his birthday party? They all hate him."
Remus grimaced. "Well, anyway, congrats on being made Prefect. Now you get to go to very exciting meetings and spend evenings doing rounds and frequently help lost first years find their classrooms. Aren't you excited!" Remus patted Regulus's leg in mock excitement. Regulus's breath hitched, and then he let out a short laugh.
"Just thrilled. At least you'll be there. For the meetings anyway." He said, with mild enthusiasm.
"Exactly. More quality time with your handsome beau." Remus winked and Regulus snorted, cheeks turning pink. "And I do have connections, you know. I'm pretty sure that the new head boy is Caradoc Dearborn, from Gryffindor. We all saw that coming. Anyway, he's probably the person who showed James the new Prefect list. I might be able to have him fix the schedules so we're on the rota for the same nights. Then we can still work on the potion together the rest of the week."
"Yeah, that would be brilliant!"
They talked for a while about the books they had picked out and settled into comfortable silence to read until Aunt Lucretia called them for tea.
"So, how do we want to do this with your aunt and uncle?" Remus asked in a hushed voice as they stood and started moving books back to the shelf. "Just come right out and tell them we're dating, like with Sirius? Or just give them subtle clues?"
"Oh, hmm. I think subtle clues make the most sense. If I'm too brash about it, I don't think it would be very believable and it might be harder to gain her sympathy." Regulus said, thoughtfully.
"Right, so we'll just make eye contact that lasts a little too long. Pepper in a few suggestive smiles, and winks. Maybe we sit a little extra close, so our legs touch." Remus stepped in close, speaking in a low voice right in Regulus's ear. "Maybe I'll whisper something in your ear that makes you blush, and then adoringly tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear." He demonstrated the motion as he said it and Regulus involuntarily shivered. Remus chuckled, pleased with the effect his words had on Regulus.
Regulus swallowed, taking in a breath to compose himself. "You read too many muggle romance novels," he admonished. "But yes, um, I think that would work. I'm sure they'll notice. Or at least Aunt Lucretia will. And then after you leave tomorrow and she's had her evening wine, I will confess to her that I have a secret love, but it can never be. My parents would never allow it. I am already betrothed to a woman I can never love."
"And then she will realize how unfair it all is! She'll tell your parents that they must call off the engagement. No one should be kept from their true love!" Remus finished with a dramatic flair. "Well, it's showtime!" He took Regulus's hand in his and they walked side by side, whispering and giggling, to the dining room for tea.
The next day, Regulus brought Remus to the stables to introduce him to Estelle. She warmed up to him very quickly as he helped Regulus brush her coat and carefully groom her huge feathered wings. They fed her a special diet of mugwort and dill and filled her trough with whiskey.
Finally, Regulus announced that Estelle was ready to take them for a ride. At the stable, there was a movable set of stairs that they could easily climb up and place a bridle and saddle onto the horse. He helped Remus get into position before climbing up to sit in front of him.
"Okay, you can grip tight with your legs, you won't hurt her. And hold onto me," Regulus instructed. He wondered if Remus could hear his heart beat pounding in his chest as he wrapped his arms around Regulus's waist. He could feel Remus's warm breath on his neck. He internally scolded himself to get a grip and focus on the large beast that was pawing the ground impatiently beneath them.
"Hue! Allez, Estelle!" he called, and the Abraxan started at a gallop into the field that surrounded the barn. Remus whooped in excitement and laughter bubbled up from Regulus's stomach from the sensation as they lifted into the sky. They soared over mountains and lakes, while the cool wind whipped their hair around their faces. Regulus had taken this flight before on his own, and once with Evan. But today, sharing it with Remus, it all felt brand new and just as breathtaking as his first time on a broomstick.
When Estelle began to tire and the boy's legs began to ache they landed on a scenic mountaintop to watch the sunset.
Regulus unfurled a lightweight rope ladder to dismount the giant horse. He explained to Remus how to get a foothold and guided him down. Regulus was still buzzing with the adrenaline from the flight as he watched Remus settle himself in the grass overlooking the lake and mountains.
"Wow, Reg, you were right. It's incredible." Remus said as he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a funny little silver contraption which emitted a flame when he snapped it open. He used the flame to light his cigarette, cupping a hand around it to prevent the mountain breeze from extinguishing the flame. Regulus tried unsuccessfully to tear his eyes away from Remus's lips as they wrapped around the paper cylinder. His cheeks hollowed as he sucked in the smoke, and he sighed in contentment as he slowly released it from his lungs.
The sky was already turning shades of orange and pink, reflecting in the water of the lake a mile below them.
Remus settled himself in the grass. Regulus followed suit, sitting next to him and he gestured to the fire-starting gadget as he asked, "What's that?"
"Ah. It's a Zippo lighter. Muggles use them for lighting cigarettes. Sirius sent it to me." Remus said, flicking it open again to release the small flame, and then closing it again. He handed it to Regulus. "He said the eagle and the snake reminded him of us. Me and you, the Ravenclaw and Slytherin." He smiled fondly as Regulus took the lighter.
"They look like they're trying to kill each other!" Regulus said, indignant, as he ran a finger over the bumps in the metal that made the picture. Remus laughed and nodded in agreement.
"Are you talking to him then? Sirius?" Regulus asked.
Remus shook his head, blowing out smoke. "Nah."
"Are you going to forgive him?"
"Yeah, I will. Just not yet," Remus said, a faraway look in his eyes.
Regulus scoffed. "Of course, you will. Heaven forbid Sirius should be held accountable for his actions."
Remus looked at him in surprise, "He feels terrible about it, Reggie. He made a stupid mistake letting it slip about the Willow, but he didn't make Severus follow me through the tunnel. There's plenty of blame to go around. Maybe if I had just told him when he asked me about it, he would have known the risks and it would have never happened."
Regulus couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was Remus really taking part of the blame for what Sirius did?
"Does he feel terrible about spying on you in the first place? Does he feel terrible about harassing you at Potter's party? You absolutely should not have just told him, it was never any of his business in the first place, Remus!"
Remus put up his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay, I see your point."
Regulus huffed, "You probably wouldn't be so quick to forgive if you weren't attracted to him."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus said, sharply.
The icy rage that gripped his chest whenever he thought of his brother was clawing at Regulus's throat as he bit out "He's pretty and charming, and you like it when he pays so much attention to you because you secretly want to fuck him."
"Mmhm. Well, you've really got me figured out." Remus barely concealed the hurt in his voice. He flicked his cigarette butt off the edge of the cliff.
Regulus deflated, running a hand through his tangle of curls. "Fuck. I'm sorry, Moony. It's not just you. He has that effect on everyone. This is why he would have been the perfect heir, you know? He could have married into a family of higher status than the Selwynns, even as a Gryffindor. If he would have just played his part."
"He shouldn't have to pretend to be something he isn't. And neither should you, Reg."
"Did you know they didn't even bury Uncle Alphard? No burial, no cremation, they just vanished the body. They deleted him from the family tree. Like he never even existed. And why? Because he wanted to help Sirius. The bastard got himself disowned and disinherited. So Alphard, who had managed to remain in good standing with the family until he died, left everything he had to Sirius. Just so that he didn't have to fall flat on his face. Not that he would have anyway. The Potters would have helped him. Or he would have married into some well-off family. He would have been fine. Alphard was erased from existence for nothing." Regulus swiped at his face as tears fell unbidden, and he drew his legs into his chest, trying to make himself smaller.
Remus put a hand on his arm. "He wasn't erased. And he didn't leave it all to Sirius. He left his library to you. That means something. He lives on through you, Reg. Through your memories of him."
Regulus put a hand over Remus's and gave him a watery smile. "Yeah. I'm not going to hide as he did. You're right, Remus, I can't pretend to be what they want me to be my whole life just to have it all swept away the minute I do something that actually feels right. But when I get kicked out, I don't have another Uncle Alphard to leave me an inheritance."
"You won't be alone, Regulus. Do you think Lucretia and Ignatius will disown you? They adore you. And there's your cousin, Andromeda. You could reach out to her. And you know that if you want him to be, Sirius will be there for you." Remus put an arm around his shoulder, leaning into him. "And you've got me, too, sugar lips!" He pressed his own lips to Regulus's forehead, sending tingles down his smile and drawing a jittery laugh from him. "Plus," Remus continued, "You're bloody brilliant, and you would certainly be just fine on your own even if you didn't have so many people who love and support you." Regulus allowed himself to be pulled into Remus's arms, pressing his face into his shoulder and breathing in his scent, the smell of old sweaters and teenage boy sweat and cigarette smoke mingling in the fresh mountain air.
He felt the weight he'd been holding for the last five years–of the need to be the perfect black heir–a weight he knew he couldn't bear, begin to melt away. A new future lay before him, unknown and frightening, but filled with love and acceptance. Regulus felt a renewed sense of purpose. He was determined to save the life of this boy who had wrapped him in his arms. Remus deserved a life of love and acceptance, too. And if that meant he needed a working Wolfsbane potion, then that was what Regulus would make happen, whatever it took.
September 1, 1976
The Boneses spent a good part of their summer traveling through Europe and they had endless stories of their adventures to share when the friends reunited on the Hogwarts Express. They were laughing at a particularly hilarious story about an Imp running off with people's sandwiches at a cafe in Madrid when they were interrupted.
There was a tap on the car door before it slid open and a bespectacled, messy-haired head popped in. "Er, sorry to interrupt. Lupin, we've got to help gather the new 5th years for Prefect orientation."
Remus stood, stretching. "Right. Cheers, Potter."
They stepped out into the corridor. They were in luck, as the two knew Slytherin prefects were already walking toward them. Remus's breath caught at the sight of Regulus. It had only been a couple of weeks since their visit in France, but seeing him here on the Hogwarts Express emphasized how much his summer of work had changed him. He had grown taller, and his willowy frame was filled out from a summer of good food and exercise. Even his usual pallor was replaced by a healthy bronze glow.
The girl walking next to him was tall and thin, with straight brown hair chopped in a severe cut just above her shoulders. She wore the same haughty expression that Remus had come to associate with students from her house.
They stopped when they met up with James and Remus, as the narrow corridor was only wide enough for two people side by side. "Potter, Lupin." Regulus nodded in greeting, and a ghost of a smile graced his lips for a moment when their eyes met. "This is Sandra Stone, she's the other new prefect from Slytherin."
Sandra held out her hand palm facing down. James glanced nervously at Remus before awkwardly taking her hand and pressing it to his lips. "Er, nice to meet you," he said. She looked as though this was a perfectly normal interaction.
Remus repressed a laugh, then reached for Regulus's hand, bringing it to his lips. "Pleased to see you again, Black," he said with a haughty air. Regulus's face reddened and he bit his lip to stop himself from laughing out loud. Remus didn't release his hand, instead turning it and peppering quick kisses to his palm and wrist, until Regulus giggled and squirmed, pulling his hand away. Sandra gasped in horror at their behavior.
"So, Potter, I believe each new prefect should be escorted by an experienced sixth-year," Remus said, pulling Regulus toward him and hooking an arm around his elbow. "It would be my honor to escort you to the Prefect carriage, Mr. Black."
"So chivalrous of you, Mr. Lupin!" Regulus said as they headed for the packed Prefect carriage at the end of the train.
"So, how did it go with your aunt?" Remus whispered as they walked.
"Exactly as planned. I'll need to write to her every once in a while to reinforce the unfairness of my situation in hopes that she'll bring it up with my parents. In the meantime, we'll need to keep up the act around Hogwarts. Even in this Prefect meeting. Philipa Macmillan, one of the Hufflepuff prefects, is a bit of a gossip and she has relatives that work in the ministry and often interact with my father and uncle." He whispered all of this in a hurry, his breath hot in Remus's ear, sending a tingle down his spine.
"No problem. Just follow my lead." Remus said, opening the door to the carriage and waving Regulus in.
The first couple of months of the term passed without much excitement. In public, Remus and Regulus continued to exhibit subtle displays of affection. They sat close to each other at meals and held hands walking down the hall, whispering to each other coyly. When they saw each other across a room they sent furtive glances and secret smiles. It became such a habit, that they didn't completely stop even when they were alone reading together in the Ravenclaw common room or with their friends working on the Wolfsbane potion research in the library. It felt nice, really, natural, to hold Regulus's hand and kiss his palm and call him "love" or "sweetheart" and to be honest, Remus often forgot that it was just supposed to be an act.
As subtle as they may have been, it wasn't long before they were the objects of squeals of delight from giggling groups of girls and of contemptuous glares and slurs from some of the less tolerant, usually male, students at the school. It didn't bother them one bit, as this was exactly the kind of attention that they were hoping to get. To make it clear that people knew that Regulus was in love with another boy and get people talking about what a horrible idea his planned marriage to Sloan Sellwyn was.
Sirius stopped trying to apologize to Remus. Instead, he was overly friendly, constantly offering favors. He would flash his gorgeous smile and offer to take notes for Remus when he looked tired or ill around the full moon. He would let him copy his homework if he missed class. He would save his seat while he went to the restroom. And he frequently invited him to share a smoke break between classes, always the first to offer a cigarette to Remus. Sirius was pleased to see Remus using the lighter he had given him that first time, and he still smiled every time they used it. It did funny things to Remus's stomach, but he couldn't say no to Sirius. He accepted every gift of kindness like he was being offered water in a desert.
Sirius usually avoided talking about Regulus or his family with Remus. The first time the subject came up was on a gloomy afternoon in late October when Sirius invited Remus to a Halloween party which was going to double as his 17th birthday party in the Gryffindor common room.
"It's this Saturday, so you know, we can really go crazy since it's not a school night. It's sort of a costume party. We're dressing as muggles. So put on your best muggle trousers and jumper and come and get pissed with us, yeah?" Sirius said during one of their cigarette breaks by the greenhouses. If it weren't for the Hogwarts uniform robe, Remus thought he already could have been a model from a Muggle magazine. He leaned back casually on the greenhouse wall with one foot up. He rubbed his arm, flicking ash anxiously as he added, "You could bring Regulus. I mean, if anyone could convince him to come, it'd be you, right?" He let the question hang in the air, looking up at Remus through his dark eyelashes.
"Oh, yeah…er… I'll ask him. If he wants to go." Remus stammered.
"Great! That's great. I'd love to see him. And you. Yeah. Brilliant." Sirius responded quickly before falling silent.
It was starting to rain and Remus found himself huddled under the awning of the greenhouse next to Sirius as he tried to finish up his cigarette. "Bugger. Forgot my umbrella."
"Oh, no problem, I can teach you a charm for that!" Sirius showed him how to use his wand to create an umbrella-like barrier from the rain. They practiced it a few times.
"How has it taken me more than five years at Wizarding School to learn about that?" Remus said, laughing as he performed a perfect umbrella charm.
He leaned back against the wall under the awning, watching the rain as Sirius lit him another cigarette. "Cheers." he accepted, catching a nervous look in Sirius's eyes. He watched him, waiting for whatever he was getting up the courage to ask.
"How is he?" The question was almost a whisper.
Remus took a deep breath. "I don't know what to tell you, Sirius. He has a lot of pressure on him. He feels trapped. He doesn't want to be the Heir to the House of Black. He doesn't think he can be the heir they want him to be. It was supposed to be you. And he's not you. He can't be you." He took a drag on his cigarette watching Sirius's face as he took it all in. "He blames you for leaving."
Sirius huffed, frustrated. "I had to leave, Remus! I couldn't be what they wanted either. I had to get out."
Remus shook his head, "No. You could leave. You had a place to land. That's the difference."
Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "He could have come with me. The Potters would have taken him in, too. I begged him to come with me!"
"You think they would have let you both go?" Remus shook his head. "You were able to leave because he was still there."
"And now he wants out." Sirius dropped his head back against the wall. "Fuck."
Remus shivered and wrapped his arms around himself as the wind started blowing droplets under the awning. Sirius held out the umbrella charm to block the wind, moving so close to Remus that he could see his breath. "Shit, Remus. He's using you."
"No, he isn't," Remus responded abruptly.
"He is. I mean, he could be… He could be using you to prove that he can't be what they want him to be. So that they'll let him go."
"He's not using me, Sirius." Remus snapped, tossing his cigarette into a puddle. Watching the satisfying sizzle as it was extinguished. "I'm there for him because I want to be. He needs someone to be there for him." Sirius cringed, and Remus tore his eyes from his face feeling both satisfied and guilty for the accusation in his tone. "He needs me," he said, quieter now. Softer.
Sirius nodded, watching Remus with so much intensity he felt pinned down by it. "I'm sure he does." He whispered. "But do you love him?"
"Of course," Remus responded, automatically.
Sirius didn't miss a beat. "Oh, I know you care about him. So do I. But you two haven't been subtle about your blooming romance or whatever. And I think I know Regulus well enough to tell that he's smitten. Still, it's not like him to be so brash about something so personal. And you… I can't get a read on you. Is it real for you, Remus? Do you get butterflies in your stomach when he looks at you? Are you giddy when he holds your hand? Do you pine for him when he's not around?" His gray eyes were boring into Remus's soul. "Are you in love with my brother, Remus?"
Remus took a shaky breath, pushing himself away from the wall. "What the fuck happened to not meddling, Sirius? I thought you were going to mind your own business from now on."
Sirius hissed in a breath at the accusation. "Well, you two are kind of making it everyone's business. If he's not using you, then either it's real or you're in on the act." He dropped his cigarette butt, grinding it into the dirt with his boot. "I'm trying not to meddle, I really am Remus. But I can't help but worry about the people I care about. You and Regulus, you're both so important to me."
Remus shook his head and groaned. "You don't have anything to worry about, alright? I do love him, and he's not using me. As for the butterflies and the pining or whatever…" He looked into the distance and shrugged. "It's like I said, Sirius. He isn't you." He let that hang in the air between them for a few seconds before turning and walking into the rain, forgetting to put up the umbrella charm until the water was already seeping into his robes.
Sirius called out to him as he left, "I'll see you Saturday, then?" Remus paused, looking back at Sirius, standing at the edge of the awning with a hopeful look on his face. Remus nodded. "Yeah, see you Saturday."
October 30, 1976
"How did I let you talk me into this?" Regulus grumbled as they climbed through the portrait hole to be greeted by a wall of noise in the crowded Gryffindor common room. Music from an old turntable was magically amplified to a ridiculous volume and a group of girls was dancing and singing at the top of their lungs. It was a muggle band, The Rolling Stones.
"I look inside myself
And see my heart is black
I see my red door
I must have it painted black
Maybe then, I'll fade away
And not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up
When your whole world is black"
Regulus leaned close to holler in Remus's ear, "I'm going to find the alcohol. You want a drink?"
Remus nodded and smiled, giving his hand a quick squeeze before Regulus went in search of libations.
Remus scanned the crowd for Sirius. He spotted him across the common room. He had an arm around Mary Macdonald's shoulder and they were chatting with a boy he recognized only as a 7th-year Hufflepuff. Sirius was wearing ripped jeans and a black leather jacket with a Led Zeppelin t-shirt underneath. He was also wearing thick black eyeshadow, as well as his signature black nail polish. He looked like a fucking rock star. Remus's breath hitched when Sirius looked in his direction and their eyes met. Sirius shot him a grin and waved. Remus felt his face heat, he returned the wave and then instantly looked away, trying to find someone he knew to talk to.
He managed to join in on a conversation about chess with Peter Pettigrew and a couple of fourth years when Regulus returned, handing him a large glass of amber liquid. Remus took a sip and coughed as it burned down his throat. "Is this Firewhiskey? What the fuck, Reg?"
Regulus shrugged and took a large gulp from his own cup. "So, what are we talking about?"
It didn't take long for the Firewhiskey to warm him from the inside out. Soon Remus and Regulus were having a wonderful time, and everyone at this party was endlessly fascinating!
When Remus started feeling a little dizzy, he plopped onto one of the common room couches, watching as Regulus got into a very animated quidditch discussion with Marlene McKinnon, his cup sloshing Firewhiskey as he used his hands to make his point. Remus leaned forward and grabbed Regulus by the waist, pulling him onto his lap on the couch. "You're spilling your drink, love, you should sit down." He drawled, working his fingers through Reg's curls to scratch at his scalp. There were a couple of seventh-year Gryffindor students in the seat next to him that appeared to be trying to taste each other's tonsils. Regulus nudged them absently with his feet and they looked at him, mildly irritated, before scooching over enough to give him and Remus a bit more space.
"Mmm, that feels nice." Regulus downed the rest of the drink in his cup, tossing it aside before snuggling in, resting his head on Remus's shoulder enjoying the scalp massage. "You know…" He said, looking absently at the couple next to them, who had returned to their activity avidly as though they had never been interrupted. "Most of the couples at this party are snogging. Maybe we should be snogging."
This sounded like a very sensible suggestion to Remus. "Yeah, you're probably right. I mean, it would be weird if we didn't, right?"
"Exactly!" Regulus turned himself in Remus's lap, leaning over him so their foreheads were almost touching. He hovered there for a moment, as if not sure what to do. Remus put a hand on his neck, closing the distance between them. Their lips pressed together. Regulus's mouth was warm, sweet, and sticky from the Firewhiskey. Remus flicked out a tongue, licking along Regulus's bottom lip. He responded with a moan before hungrily deepening the kiss. His hands seemed to be everywhere, sliding up Remus's chest, in his hair, and gently holding his face as he was thoroughly snogged. Regulus's hips rocked into Remus's lap and he moaned as the heat of desire overwhelmed him. He clawed at Regulus's back, desperately pulling him closer. More. I want more. Regulus's lips trailed across his jaw, settling at the pulse point on his neck.
Remus was lost in the sensations, his head spun, and he opened his eyes. As the room came into focus, his gaze fell upon Sirius. He was in an armchair on the other side of the coffee table, and he was in a very similar position. But it was Mary writhing in his lap and savoring the smooth skin at his throat. Their eyes met for the second time that night, just as Regulus was putting gratifying pressure on his–by now very hard–cock through his muggle jeans.
Remus gasped and nudged Regulus, "Um, Reggie, maybe we should stop. You're pissed. I'm pissed. We're both incredibly pissed."
Regulus gave him a searching look before he replied, stubbornly, "No, I don't want to stop, I'm having fun." And he pressed their mouths together again. Remus considered giving in to it. It did feel very nice. But then he thought better of it and pulled away again.
"Reggie, maybe we should go somewhere more private?" He leaned close to his ear to whisper, "I'm having fun too, love, but I'm about to blow my load in the middle of the Gryffindor common room if we don't slow down."
Regulus looked to be giving this some thought. "Okay, let's go." He moved to stand, but Remus grabbed his hips, holding him in place.
"I'm, er, gonna need a minute."
"Ugh, fine." Regulus snuggled into his chest and Remus started massaging his scalp again. Soon, Regulus was fast asleep. Remus deflated with relief.
As the party started to die down, his relief turned to panic as he started to worry about how to get his drunk boyfriend back to his dorm by curfew.
"Aww, he's so cute when he's asleep!" Mary Macdonald had dropped into the seat next to where Remus sat with Regulus snoring on his chest. "Lils, come look at Baby Black passed out on his boyfriend, it's adorable!" Remus groaned, throwing his head back into the couch cushion as the girls cooed over them.
"Sure, he's adorable, but he's pissed. How am I going to get him to bed?" He realized his words and the girls were already giggling as he corrected himself, "HIS bed, how am I going to get him to HIS bed? Ugh." He covered his face with his hand.
"Don't worry, Remus. Sirius will help you. I'll go get him." Mary said, before leaping off of the couch.
"No, wait!" Remus called, but it was too late, she had already bounded off to, wherever her boyfriend was, presumably.
Lily settled in beside him. Remus wondered absently where the 7th-year couple had gone. Probably to their dorms. He thought longingly of his own soft bed in the Ravenclaw tower.
"He does look so sweet like this," Lily said, smiling.
"Well, he is sweet," Remus said, a bit defensively.
"You two are good together, you know that. I'm so happy for you." She squeezed his knee. Remus tried to smile back, but bile rose in his throat. He was a horrible, horrible person. And he was pretty sure he was about to vomit on Lily Evans.
Remus, thank Merlin, did not vomit on Lily Evans. It turned out that his quick healing ability also translated to a rather quick recovery from drunkenness. Which he supposed would be quite annoying if drunkenness were his goal. As it was, he was stone-cold sober when Sirius appeared in front of him. He still had the eyeliner on and his steely gray eyes were filled with concern as he knelt in front of the couch.
"Want me to carry him?" he asked, smoothing Regulus's hair back from his face. Regulus stirred and tried to bury his face further into Remus's shoulder.
"Nah, I got him," Remus said and nudged Regulus to try to wake him. "Reggie, wake up, we need to get you back to your dorm."
"Don't want to go to my dorm," Regulus murmured sleepily. "Want to stay with you." He wrapped his arms tightly around Remus's neck.
Remus sighed and looked back at Sirius, resigned. "Okay, I might need a little help."
Together, they peeled Regulus from Remus's torso and helped him to stand up. Sirius half-carried him through the portrait hole ahead of Remus.
Regulus, though still clearly inebriated, had returned to full consciousness and was pushing away from Sirius and complaining about his treatment when Remus came into the corridor behind them.
"Leave me alone, Sirius. I can walk by myself. Where's Moony?" he said, pouting, brightening as soon as he saw Remus walking up to them. "There you are! Moony, tell Sirius we don't need him." Regulus had his arms wrapped around Remus again, head tucked under his chin. Remus had to steady himself, holding tight to Regulus to prevent them both from falling over as the younger boy swayed unpredictably.
"Moony and I are going to find somewhere private," Regulus said stubbornly to his brother, who was still standing next to them, bemused.
"Actually, Reg, we really should get you back to your dorm so you can get some sleep," Remus said, gently stroking Regulus's hair. When Regulus protested, Remus added, "But I'll see you tomorrow, I promise."
"Well, okay. If you promise." Regulus sighed, disappointed. Remus kissed his forehead, and they started walking side by side. Sirius walked with them but stayed quiet as Regulus pretended he wasn't there, whispering into Remus's ear. Eventually, he started trying to nod off again, even as they were walking, and Remus almost fell over from Regulus's weight dragging on him. Sirius swooped in, wrapping a supportive arm around his brother's waist, taking some of the weight. Regulus didn't protest this time, and they awkwardly continued their trek to the dungeons.
Unfortunately, by the time they reached the dungeons, Regulus was asleep again. Remus slumped against the wall opposite the entrance to the Slytherin common room.
"I could do an innervate charm, wake him up just long enough to get the password out of him," Sirius suggested.
"I dunno, have you ever used that on someone who's been drinking before?" Remus pulled Regulus into his arms protectively.
"I won't hurt him, Remus." Sirius sniffed. "Well, I guess we could just wait. It's still twenty minutes to curfew, there will probably be more students coming back from parties soon."
So they seated themselves on the floor and waited. "Has he ever been this drunk before?" Remus asked.
"Not that I know of, but I've barely seen him since he was 10 years old." Sirius sounded regretful, watching his brother sleep with a faraway look in his eyes. He sighed, leaning his head back against the wall. "Re, do you think we should talk about… You know, what you said the other day…"
Remus let out a sharp breath like he had been punched in the gut. "Sirius," he whispered sharply, "Your brother and my boyfriend who was snogging me senseless half an hour ago, is passed out on my chest right now. Do you really think this is the appropriate time for that conversation?"
Sirius opened his mouth to respond but stopped abruptly as they heard footsteps coming down the hall.
"Oh, thank god," Remus mumbled. "Dorcas!" he called to the tall Slytherin, who was dressed in a shiny black cat outfit with painted-on whiskers and had used some sort of glamour charm to give her eyes cat-like vertical pupils.
"Hey there, boys. What happened to Reggie? If someone hurt him-" she didn't finish her sentence, giving Sirius a penetrating glare.
"He's fine, just had a bit too much Firewhiskey. What have you been up to, kitty-cat?" Sirius teased. Dorcas grinned and made a hissing sound and clawed at the air in front of Sirius's face.
"Alright, Lupin, hand him over." Dorcas put out her arms to accept Regulus's weight, and turned, saying "Ragnuk the First" to the door and it swung open.
Once they were safely inside, Remus turned back to Sirius and sighed. "Okay, we can talk." He started walking and waved to Sirius to indicate he should walk with him. Sirius fell into step next to him. "What do you want me to say, Sirius?"
"I dunno. How long have you felt that way?" He asked, cautiously.
"God, I don't know. Always, I guess."
Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "You never said anything... I thought you hated me!"
Remus scoffed, "I told you I didn't hate you. What would have been the point in telling you I fancied you when you are obviously straight? Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm dating your brother!"
Sirius swallowed. He seemed to be at a loss for words.
Remus sighed. "Look, Sirius, I'm knackered. I'm gonna head to my dorm. You should get back to your party."
"Right," Sirius said. But he continued to stare at Remus, unmoving.
"Right. Um, it was a fun party. Thank you for inviting us. Happy birthday, Sirius." Remus said before turning to walk to the Ravenclaw tower. When he reached the end of the corridor, he glanced back to see Sirius was finally walking in the other direction.