Chapter 21: No Thoughts Please

Juice sat on the end of his bed, still wearing the towel he wrapped around his waist after his shower. After he and Happy buried the pieces of Denny, he rode home needing to clean up in his own space. Needing to reconnect to himself after turning off to complete the task. After getting every stitch of clothing he was wearing into the washer, he padded naked to the bathroom. Avoiding even a glance at himself in the mirror, he turned on the shower and blared music from the portable speaker in his bathroom to jam his brain from thinking about any of his evening. Sending any lingering thoughts about the night's five deaths down the drain along with the dirt, splatters of blood and flecks of flesh that the scalding water and lather carried down his body.

Without knowing how much time had passed while he sat there, Juice got up to get dressed, re-lit his joint and picked up his phone to contact the only person he wanted to be near. Sending off a text message, he exhaled and lay back in bed to wait for her response.

*Hey girl

*Hey boy!

*be there in 10

*k!

When Juice rolled into the parking spot next to her truck, Raniyah opened her room's door. Her shadow in the light of the doorway offered more solace than he wanted to acknowledge. Getting off of his bike, Juice made eye contact but his greeting was weak at most. "Hey."

"Finally." She teased. smiling softly. Noting his subdued mood she decided not to question it. "Thought I was gonna have to come lookin' for you, Jay. Don't forget I know where you live now."

Juice's chuckle released the last bit of tension in his chest and shifted his whole being. His back straightened, his drooping shoulders sat back in their proper place and the cloud masking his face lifted. Raniyah stood back for him to enter, catching the lingering smell of weed in his clothes mixed in with his soap and cologne as he passed. "Did you eat something?"

Tossing his bag down on the bed, he looked back at her. He winced realizing how late it was. "Did you? Were you waiting for me?"

"No, but I'm good. That BBQ is still sitting on me. Snack drawer is open for business though or the microwave. I could heat up the leftovers."

Juice shook his head in the negative, "Snack drawer's good." Taking off his cut, he hung it on the chair and stretched, rolling his neck as if it had been a heavy weight on his shoulders.

"You look tired."

I just dismembered and buried a body. "Beat. I'll get a second wind."

"Or…you could just go to bed."

Flopping down on the extra bed, he removed his boots and exhaled hard not wanting to make a choice just yet. Juice was relieved that she was letting him off the hook for being "good company". Digging around her drawer of goodies, he was happy to find a bag of pretzels. "So what are you watching?"

An hour later, Raniyah had nodded off but Juice remained upright in bed, his eyes glassy, not really watching the t.v. at all. A noise from the activity on the screen woke her and she looked over at him, not liking what she saw.

Sitting up on her elbow, she put a hand on his leg. "Jay," she started.

"I know." Juice rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, "I know." Standing up, he peeled out of the cargo pants he had on, not bothering with putting on his normal shorts for the night. Flipping the covers back, he sat down again.

Raniyah dug the remote out from under the comforter and turned the t.v. off. Tugging lightly on his hand, she expected him to lay down and roll over onto his side. But to her surprise, he re-positioned himself further down in the bed and laid his head on her stomach, his arm encircling her hips. She knew that she'd hate not having her upper body under the covers soon, but his warm weight on her and his deep sigh made her choose to say nothing. With one hand making small, calming circles on his shoulder blade, she felt more than heard his measured breathing. Switching to stroking his scalp, she let her eyes flutter closed, sleepiness taking over as Juice settled into peace and his breathing became heavier.

"I'm glad you're here."

It floated to her ears on a rumble so low she wasn't sure she was meant to hear it. If it hadn't been for the heat the words dusted across her stomach, she wouldn't have been sure he said it at all.

Neither spoke another word before giving in to sleep.

0.o.0.o.0

6:45 am. Juice and Raniyah had rearranged themselves sometime in the night and now she was curled into his chest on top of his arm that was draped across her pillow. Waking up to his trilling alarm, Juice scowled, muttering, "Shit."

Raniyah woke up and frowned confused, rolling away from him, and looking for her phone to turn it off.

"It's me." Feeling for his phone, Juice finally silenced it and rolled back over. He wrapped himself around her, tucking her in closer, pressing his lips to her forehead twice.

Clay had spoken to everyone the night before…I want everybody in at eight. No excuses. Fuckin' be here. We got a lot to go over and stories to get straight.

"I gotta go in early. Church."

Twisting to put his feet on the floor, he smiled when Raniyah scooted over behind him into the warm spot he left on his pillow and gave an unladylike grunt. Juice looked back at her, with her hair everywhere and knew if he didn't get up immediately the urge to stay in bed with her would grow too sizeable to ignore. Still, he couldn't resist moving her hair off of her face and planting a quick kiss on her cheek.

On the way to the bathroom, he heard her sleepy protest, "Booooo!"

While Raniyah took her turn in the bathroom, Juice walked down to the office to tell the day manager about her leaving early. The weasel-faced man, huffed and puffed trying to get around giving the refund, "I could have booked that room, man. Now I missed out 'cause it was locked up till next week."

Juice looked pointedly out the large window at the sparse number of cars lined up in front of the rooms, knowing he was lying but not up for an argument.

"Fine. Her check out is Tuesday and I want cash back for the rest."

"Cash?" he blinked his shifty eyes at Juice nervously. "Uh, I can reverse the charge no problem. It takes a few days but I-".

Juice squared up, folding his arms across his chest and tilting his head, clearly finished talking. "Cash."

Averting his eyes, the man chuckled nervously, "Juice, man. I-I don't keep a lot of cash in here an-".

Juice unfolded his arms and leaned one on the counter.

"Alright." He held up his hands, hoping he hadn't pushed the biker's boundaries too far. "Alright, gimmie a sec."

Going to the small office behind him, he produced a short, rubberband-bound stack of cash. Peeling off the bills to give Juice, he found his voice again when he handed them over. "You told Clay I took good care of your friend, right? I mean…that I did good for you guys?"

Juice stopped counting the money to look at him in disbelief and annoyance. Somebody always wants something. "I need her receipt. The corrected one." Juice didn't look at him again or answer his previous question. When he finished counting the money, he tucked it into his cut's inner pocket. Looking over the new bill he folded it and left without saying another word.

Back in the room, Juice enjoyed her surprise and gratitude for collecting her refund from the other side of the bathroom door. Then spent his last minutes before leaving watching Raniyah finish her hair. Behaving himself angelically while watching the way her full-length skirt swished and fluttered around her legs as she put away her things.

"I wanted to bring breakfast down for the guys is that okay?"

Tired of waiting for her to hold still, Juice bounced up off of the edge of the tiny desk he was leaning on to put his arms around her waist, stopping her movement. "They always want food."

Looping her arms loosely around his neck, she grinned, "Donuts?"

"Yep."

"Coffee?"

"Yep."

"Anything special order?"

"Nope," he answered with his head already descending. "Kiss me."

She giggled against his lips, happier in that moment than she could remember being for quite some time. "Okay."

0.o.0.o.0

After her dial-in morning meeting, a trip to D&D's Donuts had Raniyah loaded up with 4 dozen delicious treats and more coffee cups than she could carry alone. Pulling into the TM Automotive lot, she grinned seeing everyone outside the garage standing around talking and smoking. Hopping out she pulled a trick from Juice's handbook and hollered, "Food!"

Juice, Kip, Chibs and Tig came down to her truck while Jax, Bobby and Opie gave a quick wave from the bay door's frame with the rest of the guys. Once they took everything, Juice lingered to say goodbye.

Raniyah's eyes searched his face for any new tension, "Everything go okay? The plan still on to move my stuff later?"

Juice's excitement for having her at his house crept up despite his trying not to let it show. His grin eventually spread until it matched hers, "Yeah."

"Okay, see you later."

She was hesitating to get in her truck and he knew why. Their shows of affection toward each other so far and been low-key in front of the members of his club. They didn't talk about it, mostly because they didn't know what the hell they were doing, so Juice decided for them both.

The light kiss he planned for turned into more the second she closed her eyes and leaned into him. His present curse with Ronnie was that his whole brain shut off as soon as she got her mouth anywhere near him. Juice had gone long stretches without kissing much at all since it wasn't exactly a requirement for getting his dick sucked, now he was defenseless against the ones she gave. She made him crazy with just her lips, all soft and luscious. She used them to nip and suck, sliding them across his with that slick, tasty lip gloss - constantly changing their pressure and position. He couldn't remember ever being lost in a kiss until hers and her tongue was a weapon that she could use to get him to do anything. It was everything - silken and firm and gentle and forceful and aggressive and submissive all at once. She made him moan into her mouth like a bitch and he didn't care. He found himself craving her when she was away from him, and not getting enough of them when they were together. I always want more.

More than two hands…that's what Raniyah thought every time he kissed her. They were everywhere on her. Hands sliding up her sides to just below her armpits. His thumbs swirled in slow circles on the sides of her breasts making her ache for him to do more. Gripping her hip to pull her close and cupping her head, fingertips slipping up past her hairline. His thumb traced over her ear sending shivers down her neck and across her shoulders. She didn't know it was possible for her eyes to roll back if they were already closed. She had no idea her eyelids and collarbone were erogenous zones but his fingers skating over them set her on fire. His fingertips now were trailing up the back of her shirt and dipping in the waistband of her skirt. He squeezed her butt gently, none of the rough gripping that men tend to do. Jay caressed, kneaded and lifted - making her want to climb up and wrap her legs around his waist. If this was what he can do to me fully clothed and standing upright...dear God.

The slow ending to their goodbye was met with a few throats being cleared loudly at the garage's entrance. Juice hung his head knowing the kind of harassment that was going to come from his brothers and Raniyah just wanted to get in her truck and leave before the heckling started.

True to form Tig rushed Juice as soon as he came into the garage. Seeing his approach, Opie smiled wide patting Jax to get his attention. Bobby shook his head at Chibs and Happy, all of them knowing Tig couldn't resist giving Juice shit at every opportunity.

"Finally shithead! Gemma wants you."

Juice nodded and turned to go see her but Tig stopped him, "Here. Take this, too." Tig started to hand him a small box but as soon as Juice put his hand out to take it, Tig grabbed it and sniffed his fingers, sucking one of them into his mouth.

"What the fuck?!"

The garage erupted in laughter while Juice struggled to pull his hand away but Tig held on tight for a second longer. Casting his eyes heavenward and smacking his lips as if tasting a fine wine, he let him go, "I just had to know."

Wiping his hand vigorously on his pants, Juice's face was a mask of disgust and horror, still able to feel Tig's tongue. It takes him another second to realize what his sex-obsessed brother thinks is on his fingertips.

"Aw! Come on, man!"

Jax was laughing hard, leaning into Opie's chuckling frame. Even Happy couldn't keep his amusement under wraps. Bobby shook his head, ducking back under the hood of the car he was working on, "You're a disgusting man, Trager."

"What?" Tig looked around at the rest of the guys, his face a picture of innocence, his blue eyes wide and soft. "I wanted to know! I had to!"

Still thoroughly grossed out, Juice went to the sink to scrub his hand with the industrial soap reserved for getting motor oil off of their skin.

"Yeah? Well, all you got was a mouthful of me."

The echoing, rowdy laughter rose up again as Tig froze at the implication. Heading to see Gemma, Juice grinned, having gotten the best of him for once.

0.o.0.o.0

That's not Jay…Raniyah thought.

The knocking on the door wasn't light or quick like when he tapped. A look out the peephole revealed Gemma. Raniyah recoiled away from the door. Damn it! Taking a deep breath, she opened it, trying for a smile despite Gemma's less-than-friendly expression, "Gemma. Hi."

Never one for niceties, Gemma greeted her with a demand, "We need to talk."

Without waiting for a response, she strode in looking around the room briefly before sitting in the chair at the tiny table near the window. Plopping her down, she took off her glasses and unashamedly reviewed the screen of Raniyah's open laptop.

"Is Jay okay?"

"He's fine," Gemma smirked, her eyes still on the screen.

Closing the laptop and moving it out of her reach, Raniyah sat on the bed closest to her. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Gemma didn't answer. Instead, she dug in her purse to pull out her cigarettes and lighter. Lighting up, she blew smoke right onto the no-smoking sign dangling from the desk lamp next to her. She let her gaze travel over Raniyah as if deciding where to strike first, enjoying making her uncomfortable in her own space. "You're still here."

Raniyah waited for more, but Gemma just gave her a pointed stare. "Oookay."

"Why are you still here? Didn't you have some job to get to?"

Raniyah blinked. She should have been ready for this exchange but she assumed that the Queen of SAMCRO would have been updated about every second of her stay in the land she acted like she ruled over. Getting up, Raniyah opened the window and got a cup for her ashes before answering, "I got the chance to stick around for a little while, so I took it."

The suspicious expression on Gemma's face did not change. Irritated, Raniyah sat back down and tried not to give in to her temper, "Look. I'm just hanging out with Jay. What's the big deal?"

Gemma rolled her eyes, waving Raniyah's words away like a bothersome fly, "I've already heard your friendship line. It's bullshit."

"It's not bull-," she started.

"Spare me. After that little show you two put on this morning?" Gemma blew another stream of smoke into the air. "Tell me something…you always dry fuck your 'friends' in parking lots, honey?"

Despite the previous exposure to Gemma's vulgarity, the phrasing of her question still caught Raniyah off guard. The twisted look of pleasure Gemma had on her face from dropping that bomb made Raniyah wish she had never opened the door. Of course, she saw us. She could feel the joy of her morning with Juice being drained away.

Gemma narrowed her eyes, "What are you starting up with him for? You in a little bad boy phase?"

A bad boy phase? "No!" Raniyah snapped before she could stop herself. "And that was…new."

"New? For who?" Gemma chuckled, low and dirty, "Honey, Juice has had his hands on plenty of asses. Wasn't shit about that new."

Raniyah pressed her lips together, hating that heat of embarrassment she felt coming to her face."I meant the kiss was new. But that's between me and him-,"

"And the club." She interjected, crossing her legs, her face as smug as ever.

"I didn't come here for the club…just Jay."

Gemma pressed her lips together and lifted one shoulder in indifference. "The club is his life, sweetheart. It's a package deal."

"I know you think you're protecting him 'cause you don't know me or whatever, but you don't need to."

"And I'm supposed to take your word for that? Protecting is what family does and this club is a family. His family. Don't like it? Nobody's keeping you here."

The statement was meant to put her in her place but Raniyah's brain was screaming, I was his family first! Sick of swallowing back her anger, she took a stab of her own, "Protection? So you're doing background checks on all the trash the guys drag into their rooms now? With so many how do you find the time?"

So the kitten has claws after all. Gemma raised an eyebrow and slowed her speech just enough to let every word smack Raniyah in the face. "Local pussy isn't the problem. Yours is."

Raniyah couldn't stop the disgust from showing on her face but chose her next words carefully. "I know you don't want to hear it but I am NOT messing with your club or using Jay or whatever else you think I'm doing. I came because I wanted to see him. I stayed for a while because…I missed him. He was my best friend...that doesn't just go away."

"It can if you grow the hell up." Gemma stood up with a one-sided smirk crafted for intimidation and put her purse on her arm. "You're not kids anymore so quit this lovey-dovey bullshit and go back where you belong." Gemma leaned down into her face for emphasis, "And if you're playing with him or with SAMCRO, we'll make damn sure you wish you never stepped foot in Charming."

And the same way Gemma sauntered in, she sauntered out - without so much as a glance over her shoulder at Raniyah's angry face.

0.o.0.o.0

Finished with the tows they had scheduled and back at the garage, Juice sat outside on a table to text Raniyah. As soon as he read the words 'Gemma was here', he got on his bike and headed for her room. When she opened the door it was all over her face and his chest tightened. The first time Gemma did her thing, the two of them had put it aside, and kind of laughed it off but this time it felt different. Wrong. Unfair.

With his helmet in his hand, Juice hadn't even stopped to take his riding gloves off. "Hey, girl."

"Hey, boy."

He stepped inside and immediately cupped her face in both hands, hating what he saw in her eyes. "Tell me what happened?"

Her brief explanation was worse than he thought it would be. Juice tried to explain that the club was really slow to let women be around. That Gemma wasn't trying to attack so much as screen the ones that get let in as regulars. He had seen Gemma go after the throats of new girls all the time but never had a woman of his own that she put through the wringer.

"I don't need an explanation or an apology, Jay. She just made me feel like this is, like wrong or something." He put his hand on the back of her neck and squeezed gently. "Do you think it's wrong? That I'm still here? That we're-?" Unable to finish she just shrugged her shoulders, pissed at Gemma and herself for listening to her.

"No!" He said it softly but with conviction. "Do you?"

Juice looked pained waiting for her to say something. The thought had never crossed his mind and his arms were beginning to tingle just thinking that Raniyah could possibly be feeling that way. Unable to sit while his anxiety was ramping up, he stood and stripped off his gloves, slapping them down on the table hard enough to get her attention but she didn't look up.

What Juice could never say was that he was scared of needing her, of giving her more position in his life. Admitting that he was not right for her, but wanted her anyway. That he knew it was selfish and he didn't care. He wasn't giving her up, he just didn't know how he could keep her in his life but not in Charming and away from the grip of the club. She was moving a day's drive away but there was a lifetime of difference between them. She was…is his best friend but he loved her. Everything about them was blurry but how long had it been since anything in his life was crystal clear? Fuck!

"Ronnie?"

She looked up at him and her heart stutter-stepped. How was she supposed to explain that she didn't allow herself to think about how they were going to maintain their friendship down the line? She just knew they would. In her mind, she was never going to lose him again, so whatever that entailed was what would happen. But one of them needed to do the dirty work right now. The hard thing. Say it out loud. Take a real look at how they just got back the friendship they had lost. Pause and assess the risk…and the reward.

"Maybe Gemma's right."

"Gem?" Juice's voice went up in pitch. His hands rested low on his hips, frustrated that she had managed to worm her way into Raniyah's head.

"Maybe we do need to cut this shit out. I'm not staying, you're not leaving-".

"We already know all that!" Juice turned to fully face her. His eyes softly pleaded for her not to be moved by a non-existent problem. When she wouldn't meet his eyes, his nostrils flared in frustration. "Why do we have to think so fucking much?!"

Her silence had his heart beating so fast it ached. Taking two steadying breaths, he tried to keep his voice quiet, "C'mere."

It felt like forever before she stood up and came closer to him. Not sure if he could touch her, he simply rested his hands on the crook of her neck. After a moment, her hands coming to settle on his forearms gave him the go-ahead to allow his forehead to touch hers. For a minute they just connected, their breathing synchronizing, edging out any question about whether or not they would be okay.

"We don't have to think." His words came out like a promise and she wanted to take it and run.

Pulling back, she studied his calm expression, needing to hear his assurance again. "Is there really nothing to think about?"

Juice looked down into Raniyah's face. Her brows were slightly furrowed, and she was biting her bottom lip, waiting for him to say something. Eyes that were always so clear, prepared and certain were swirling with emotion. For all the times he had come to her for comfort, seeking that feeling that she had always provided him, that everything was going to be alright - this was the first time she looked to him for that kind of security. All he wanted was to be that for her, to say the thing that would bring a smile back to her face. She was trusting him, just him and he felt invincible with her looking at him like that.

Juice shook his head slowly in the negative. "Nothing."

His fingers found their way into the hair at the back of her head massaging lightly before he pulled her up to him. The single, soft kiss he gave her lingered. He hovered, warming her lips before hugging her tight. Tucking his face into her neck, he squeezed, rubbing the same wide circles on her back that she had soothed him with so many times before. Her arms tightening around him gave him hope that they could keep going.

His phone buzzed, vibrating both their chests. Juice dug into his cut pocket without letting her go. "Yeah." Juice sighed, "Yeah, I'm comin' right now…Thanks, Chibs."

As soon as he closed the phone, Raniyah pulled him down for a hard kiss. "I'll have my stuff ready whenever you get back."

Juice blinked, unprepared for the sudden release of pressure in his chest. His smile slowly spread. The joy of knowing that she wasn't going to bail out took over his face - raising his cheeks and eyebrows high, shining in his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yep," she grinned, nodding once.

There she was…his Ronnie.

.

.

A/N: Good grief! I've got nothing but gratitude for you guys! You come back every chapter and snatch it up...*hand to heart* Maaaaan, that's love. And to the new readers that just busted in here and have been binge-reading for days...HUGE HUGS! I'm so happy you like it here! And to all my day ones, the fact that you are still here is just giving me life, thank you so much. I'll see you all on the next chapter! *kjx*