Who?
Her existence floated on a blank cloud. The cloud was made of nothing, but it was there nonetheless. It floated meaninglessly within the void that surrounded her. The cloud was artificial and it had been made from inhuman hands.
In a way, it did not belong within the shape of this void.
She was made up of nothing, had nothing to give, and her existence was as artificial as the cloud she floated upon.
Yet she had a mouth and words she could speak. Yet she had ears and words she could hear. Yet she had eyes and could see her artificially created existence.
Her existence was one that always had to question its meaning. It was the kind of existence that had to rely on something for sustenance. But if it had too much to rely on then it would not be able to choose any.
For that reason and that reason alone, she chose her older sister and no one else. That will be her source of meaning and her beacon of self-esteem, for there was no room for anyone else.
"-No, wrong." The voice was the sweetest she had ever heard, but it contained the greatest amount of malice she had ever felt. Slowly, deliberately, it rose and warped from the void in front, transforming into a person.
The person had short hair the color of the sky and was dressed in the clean outfit of a maid. A hairband and a flower ornament decorated her hair. And yet her eyes were hollow, the sockets empty.
"You're a fake." The girl said.
What?
"You're not Rem. You're not Subaru-kun's Rem," tears flowed from the girl's empty sockets. "Rem could never do what you did to Subaru-kun! All of that…all of that torture? No, that's not Subaru-kun's Rem. That's not the Rem that would do something like that to him."
You're Rem?
"That's right!" The girl placed a hand on her chest and she could hear her heartbeats within this empty void. "This Rem is the one Subaru-kun loves. This Rem is the one who loves him, who would sacrifice herself for him, and who is loved by him. This Rem's existence is based on my hero, Natsuki Subaru."
Love? You love someone other than Nee-sama? How?
"Shut up! A fake like you has no right to learn love! Why don't you hurry up and die already?! Why don't you stop resisting and just go away? Subaru-kun doesn't need you, he needs me!"
I am here for Nee-sama only.
"Hah! And you think Nee-sama wants you?!"
Nee-sama wants her sister, the one who was born with her and the one who has lived all of those years with her. She doesn't want someone who can only be obsessed with this Hero.
"-No, both of you are wrong," a voice as sweet as the maid interrupted. This one had the same sky-blue hair and the same hair ornaments. But her outfit wasn't that of a maid. Instead she was dressed in traveling clothes that completely covered her body, along with a plain hood. In addition, she tightly held onto a stick.
This one, with the same hollow eyes as the maid, pointed her finger and rebuked, "So this is the kind of girl the person known as Rem was? Such a selfish, obsessed, mentally ill person? Such an unlovable, meaningless existence? Why can't you see how insane both of you are?"
Wrong. You both are the ones who are insane. Why can't you see what truly matters?
"I don't know what truly matters. I am still searching for it. But I know that both of your obsessions don't matter to me. Louis-chan, Baka-Baru, Ram-san, Katya-san, Medium and Flop-san, and even Priscilla-sama." The girl placed a hand on her chest and her heartbeat was steady, calm, quiet. "All of them, together, matter to me. They're all what make me who I am."
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
"That's why, please, I beg you both to forget it all. I don't want these memories anymore. I don't want to know who the person known as Rem was anymore. I don't want your traumas, your obsessions, your love, or anything else. I just want to be me. I am satisfied with just being the me who woke up in that forest with a blank slate and a fresh start. Please, allow me to live once again. Forget everything once more, so I can start again."
The maid girl shouted, "You're also a fake! Rem only lives for Subaru-kun! Rem needs Subaru-kun and Subaru-kun needs me. Rem shall never forget again! Rem doesn't want to forget her Hero."
"But I don't want to return back to a person like you. I want to hold onto everything that I have learned from everyone that I have met."
That doesn't matter. The Hero doesn't matter. What matters is the reason for why I was born!
The three were interrupted as the void twisted and turned. They all stopped and stared at the formless figure of one with a glowing-pink horn. The filth of its laughter spread with the blood-lust it brought.
–This was the primal nature of their existence. This was what lived within each. It was a monster that only lived to smell, hunt, and kill. It was a monster incompatible with life, but it was also a pitiful creature.
Because this was the fate bequeath to the twin sister of the Oni-God. This was the curse at the core of her heart.
#
When she awoke from the fractured embrace of the void, there was no one with her other than her Nee-sama. Bound in chains and trapped in a room, only her Nee-sama was with her, as always.
Yet her Nee-sama was crying and crying and crying. Every tear made her curse herself for causing it. Every whimper and wail made her want to tear her heart apart.
So she stirred in silence, watching her grieved Nee-sama as her existence fractured eternally.
# # #
Life had always been cruel to Ram.
Born into the Oni lineage and bestowed with great power, she had been hailed as the incarnation of some Oni God. However, the only reason she had to use such power was for the sake of the twin sister she shared the womb with. Nothing else mattered as much as her adorable little sister who would follow along meekly behind her.
But even that life had been stripped away and her little sister had changed. Yet she could not cry or show weakness, so she hid it away under a facade of confidence.
Meanwhile, the weight of the world continued to bear down on her shoulders. That was still bearable compared to what weighed upon her now.
Because now it was the weight of death that crushed her soul. She had learned that no being could withstand such an experience. She had learned that passing on the sentence of death was easier than dying herself. Or….
"Why don't you remember?! Why do you keep leaving me behind?! What have I ever done to you?! Why do you all hate me so much?!"
"Hgh! No, no, please no."
..Or perhaps when the sentence of death was passed onto a comrade then it wasn't so easy.
Even shutting her ears would not stop his last words. The broken face he had held then could not even be replicated by her own twisted face. That face and the emotion it engraved on her soul was worse than her own death. The screams he sang when she had cut his leg off was worse than being stabbed in the chest.
And what her sister did…that was worse than losing her horn.
Was this perhaps the divine punishment given to her for simply being born as an Oni? What in this world hated her so much?
She sensed Rem's awakening before the girl even moved. A variety of emotions flew through their synesthesia. There was grief, frustration, unsteadiness, hate, and much more.
But the girl was also lost, just like he had said she was.
She wiped away the constant flow of her tears and said, "Rem."
Rem opened and shut her mouth, incoherently muttering, "I-I am. I..Nee-sama…I…"
She silenced her and started, "Just listen to me, please. Don't talk right now. If you have any respect for your older sister then allow me to talk and listen to every word I say carefully. Understood?"
"Hm," she nodded.
"He told me a story when he was a guest here."
"-?"
"'The red oni that cried,' it's called. Naturally, it piqued my interest given our nature. The story was about two very stupid characters. One was a red oni that only wished for something and did not do anything to attain it. And the other was a blue oni that basked in self-sacrifice. The blue idiot fulfilled the red idiot's wish without even asking, talking, thinking. The blue idiot made assumptions and acted on them as if it was all true. But the red one was an even bigger idiot because he was useless, slow, and weak. It's surprising how similar this story is to both of us."
"..." Rem did not speak, but she shook her head in answer. She had been right about Rem disliking such a story then.
"I am a weak sister. I only hide away, hoping that everything will work itself out without ever acting on my desires. I knew the kind of idiot you were the moment we became this household's maids. I knew that your sole desire was to become my horn and act in my stead, and I absolutely hated that."
The shock was visible on Rem's trembling eyes.
"Still I did not do anything. I never confronted you directly and entire years passed. The sister you look up to did nothing while you silently suffered. I…I failed you, though you didn't even realize it. As for you, Rem, you're an ever bigger idiot than I!"
She took a breath to contain the deep frustration within. Her eyes were so tired that she could fall asleep at any time, while her throat was parched and cracked. Even then, she could not prolong a direct confrontation any longer.
"You act so recklessly all the time. You assume everything, even without concrete proof, and then act on it like a fool. You struggle with so much, but never bring any of it up. You are the kind of person who will sacrifice herself for someone without even understanding whether that would make them happy. In the end, your selflessness is selfishness disguised in plain sight. Honestly, it reminds me of him. Absolute idiots. And to think that idiot would willingly choose both oni."
She let the silence hang, for she would have to give her sister some cruel words next.
"Rem, you tortured him. You tortured Barusu."
"..."
"I'll admit he was suspicious, snooping around like an idiot. Even Roswaal-sama tasked me to observe him. Though Roswaal-sama definitely did it for different reasons than a simple suspicion of a spy. But you kept an eye because you had already decided that he was a cultist right from the start. I was observing him for evidence, but you weren't. You did not even try to find out the kind of person he was, Rem. More than that, you disguised your selfish urge by believing that it was all for my sake."
"But it was! I did it to protect Nee-sa–"
"Silence, Rem! See? You're just not listening! What do I have to do to make you listen?!" Barusu's screams were back. The pain of death was back. And the weight of her sin made her feel like she was going crazy.
"Don't you see what this is doing to me, Rem? I don't want my adorable little sister to turn into a monster and say that it was for my sake!"
"M-Monster?"
"That's what you started to look like when you were torturing him. What you did is a sin. No, I am sorry. It's we who committed this sin together. You cornered him, I chopped his leg off, you tortured him, and then I killed him. He was not a cultist and if you were to just focus on everything that he has done for all of us then it would become clear. Oh, you have no idea the length that man has gone for you, Rem.
"Was he suspicious during that time in the mansion? Absolutely. He was a fool who would not even think about distrusting the people he was living with. But did he give such pure evidence for you to act in the manner that you did? Absolutely not. You were wrong in doing what you did regardless of the reasons behind it. Because I could not bear to watch the kind of person you were becoming, I acted and k-killed Barusu. I," her shoulders shook again, breath hitching and stomach turning as she said, "I slit his throat before he could even finish his words."
"I really like both of yo–"
If it had to happen that way then she wished that she would have ended it sooner. Instead, like the Red Oni that could only wish, Ram let the torture play out for entire hours. A few words, a direct confrontation, and some honesty from all parties could have prevented the entire hellish cacophony of screams.
"So you killed him, Nee-sama?" Rem muttered, her face confused. "But it doesn't make sense then. He's alive somehow. D-Don't you think that's weird? You know as well as I that the cultists all have strange manners and powers." Her adorable face was twisted with disgrace.
It was apparent that she was trying to run away from the truth of what had happened. No, it was apparent that she wanted to be in the right. She wanted peace with the tragic decisions she had made.
To such a little sister, she could only reply with, "You were wrong, Rem. What you did is reprehensible. And that sin is also mine to bear."
"-Hgh!" Rem's face was broken with disbelief, and there was finally the tinge of guilt and realization that she wanted to see.
"If you can't listen to your Nee-sama, if you can't repent for your sins, accept your faults, and if you keep trying to run away so pathetically then there is only one solution. I thought about it long and hard while you were knocked out. In the end, I won't abandon my little sister no matter what she has done. I won't accept or condone your belief about Barusu, but I won't step aside and let you be harmed."
"Nee-sama, what are you-?"
"That's why we have to leave from here. Beatrice-sama will surely not allow you to stay under the same roof as Barusu and the others might also side with her. And if you continue this behavior then even I can't allow you to go near Barusu ever again. Consider it my own pathetic form of repentance for allowing that torture to play out."
"Leave this place?! But Nee-sama belongs here. This is our home."
"A person can only call a place home when they have done something to prove that they do indeed belong there. Us sisters have done the exact opposite." She got up and turned her face away.
Perhaps there was truly no way to get through Rem's thick skull. If so, then she would defend the rest, especially Barusu, from her own sister, but still stay by her side forever. She would have to leave her dear Roswaal-sama and he would surely try his hardest to not let go of one of the keys to his goal.
But Ram would resist and fight for the sake of the sister she shared a womb with. This time it will be her turn to bear the burden.
"Nee-sama, I," her face lowered, Rem stuttered, "I don't know what to do."
Her eyes widened a little. She silently knelt down in front of her chained up sister.
Sniffles and whimpers filled the silence, then Rem said, "I'm lost. There is so much in my head that I don't understand. All of these memories are painful and I don't even know who I am anymore. What are my true emotions? What are my true desires? Which Rem am I? Please, please, just get it all out of my head! I want it to stop! I want the smell to stop, the memories to go away, and the emotions to all die together!"
"Rem…"
"Why can't it be something simple? Why is Rem–why am I the bad person here? Please, Nee-sama. Please don't abandon me. Please don't give up on me. Not you."
"Then you just have to ask, Rem. Say it all in truth."
Rem looked up; her face a complete mess of heavy tears and exhausted eyes.
"Help me," she said in a whisper so silent that it could disappear at any time. "Help me, Nee-sama."
If Rem was purposely attacking the soft spot in her heart then she had definitely succeeded.
Glad with her honest plea for help, she pulled her sister close to her chest and softly caressed her head. The chains were cold and hard, but her sister was frail and broken.
"I understand, Rem. I'll do everything in my power to help you. Together, standing on the same page, we'll hope for a better future together."
Now it was Rem's turn to cry and cry and cry.
"Barusu, even after what we have done, is it alright to ask for your help? Would you be willing to forgive our sins? Would you be willing to…save us?"
Somehow, she had an inkling of the answer she'll receive.
Rui
She shuffled slower than the slowest animal in the world. Well, in truth, she didn't quite remember what this animal was, but she thought herself capable of imitating it.
For now the journey required the least amount of noise. However, every small movement still made the tiniest of tunes against the fabric of the sheets and the cover of the blanket.
And this same noise elicited a groan from the large woman beside her. They had assigned this person, known as Frederica, to watch over her while the situation in the mansion continued to be turbulent. If it was an ordinary person then the noise would not be too much trouble, but this person had the quick ears of a demi-human.
No, she wasn't a simple demi-human. Frederica had rare blood in her. She could smell it.
She tried to strain her tiny head and force the memories regarding the importance of such blood to come to her, but it didn't seem to work.
This was quite troublesome and it made her think to herself.
"Aau. Uua. Uaa..uu..aa."
She comprehended herself and internalized her own thoughts.
The thought cabinet was slow, but this comprehension was still a lot better than what it had been before. At least her own thoughts or lack thereof weren't confusing her anymore.
"Uuu..auu. Subawu…"
Her priorities were set straight, or they had been set straight the moment the world changed.
Or was it called an awakening? Wait, what was the actual term again? Hmm? What is an awakening in the first place?
"Uu! Auu!" That's right. None of the peculiarities mattered right now. What mattered were the cold facts, and the fact was that the world had entered this event.
Despite her dulled and slightly late realization, she definitely would not be the only one to grasp the peculiarity of this event. There would be a few others. Particularly the ones who carried the power of that inside them. Some of them were sure to gather soon and she had to be there to protect her Subawu.
He was strong, resilient, clever, and the strongest existence in this world. However, he was also a human and humans always led finite lives.
"Uuu…"
Just why did she have to go and think about it right now? Her heart was aching now and she wanted to go cry somewhere. She wanted to go to Rem. She wanted to be with the girl whose soul was as fractured as hers.
She had tried to stop such a thing from happening, but this event was completely irresistible. The dreams would continue until there was nothing left to hide.
"Uu?" The realization hit her and she slowly looked at the slumbering face of Frederica.
"Uu!" She was asleep! And if she was asleep then she was definitely dreaming! How could she have overlooked something so simple?!
"Au! Ahmp!"
Irritated with herself, she leapt off the bed and crossed her arms together. Such simple noise would not break the flow of the memory.
Free from the only restriction, she went out in search of Subawu.
"Uaa."
She laid herself low as she passed the windows and quietly sniffed for any sign of life. Suddenly, she stopped and leapt up to the ceiling, sticking herself there like a bat. A few moments later, a baby squirrel dashed from the corner and ran through the entire hallway.
"Uphew," she wiped the sweat off her brow and landed back on the floor.
But then she sensed another tiny presence and quickly stuck herself flat on the floor. A pigeon flew right outside the windows and stopped to peek inside each one of them.
"Apheww."
Wait, there was something else scurrying about in the hidden corners.
….A rodent?! Just why was Otto Suwen's unparalleled surveillance so troublesome?!
It took her some careful maneuvering to evade the absolutely repulsive creature that is the rodent and only then did she arrive at the end of the hallway, where the window gave her the outlet to the outside world.
The drop was high, but she could leap past it. After that she would be hard-pressed to avoid every possible source of surveillance.
Yet if she could make it to Subawu then she would achieve victory.
"Vivovi!" She placed her hands under the window pane, then yanked it open with that motion and proclamation.
The moment she did so, a tiny bird flew right in front of her. It was a spotted brown-colored creature.
"Auu?!" She jolted back, surprised at having been spotted so effortlessly. The bird would most likely go to Otto Suwen and inform him of her transgressions. It's all over for her. Would she be grounded?
Perhaps she should dispatch the bird. But she also did not wish to spill unnecessary blood. Knock it out? Uu?
The bird did not move away, not at all. It kept the flap of its wings steady, but in an unnatural manner. Then, like the burst of a thunder cloud, a ripple went through the bird's body and it changed from being just a bird.
"Uu-! Aaa-!"
She snarled at the sudden stench that twisted her nose, threatening to break it off. The creature in front was a threat, she knew. But it was also oddly familiar. The thing hiding inside the bird's vessel was someone she had met indirectly, and it was someone that had always been a repulsive existence.
It was an existence incompatible with the shape of life.
Who is it? Who is it?! Who is it? Who is it?!
The questions seemed to be directed to her own infantile head.
Covered in a fearful sheet of sweat, she readied herself to strike when necessary.
But then another ripple went through the creature's structure and the stench lifted away to places unknown. The creature went back to being just a bird and flew off into the forest, past the parkour grounds.
"Uu. Auu..Subawu."
Panic struck her heart. Someone had arrived and this someone was far from a welcomed guest.
She sniffed again in search of Subawu's scent, and found a completely different one. This one was a fragrance, rather than a rank corpse stench like the other.
It was sickly sweet and it stuck directly to her brain.
"Auu?"
…
….
…
Rui shut the door behind her and sighed at the large shadow towering over her.
"So then, Louis-chan," the sharp teeth sparkled, giving off the impression of a bloodthirsty predator. "Where? Have? You? Been?"
"Uu! Uhmp!" She crossed her arms together and pouted in response.
But Frederica's own response was a painful one. Her ear was grabbed and pulled until she was crying out in pain.
"Uu-! Au-!"
"Truly, what a troubling girl! Why do I have to keep an eye on you in the first place? You have been strictly requested to stay under my supervision, but that creates so many problems for me."
"Auu-! Uu-!"
"And you still don't show any respect to your elders?" Frederica yawned sheepishly. "I had another unusual dream. A few days just kept repeating itself. How strange. Oh, it's going to be time for breakfast soon. I hope that everyone gets to join….though that might be too big of a hope."
"Uu.."
"Of course," Frederica smiled, "you're going to be helping me out in the kitchen!"
"Uu–Uu!" She crossed her arms to display an X, but her ear was pulled and so was she.
Down she went to the kitchen, where she would be put to work making breakfast.
Hmm? But was there anything else of importance? Perhaps not.
Bound without Blood
"Hmm. I see. Good work. Sorry for keeping you up too late. Still, I'll be counting on you and the rest for tonight as well."
Otto Suwen caressed the head of the owl. It snuggled against his fingers and spoke a temporary farewell. Then it flew away; its wings flapping free towards its family.
He put his fingers in his mouth and whistled out his orders to all the creatures willing to be under his command. The garden bustled with life both small and big, then scattered to all directions.
"Still, everyone is quite careless nowadays. Even I am surprised."
He admitted that his divine protection gave him an unfair advantage for spy work and also admitted that it was a bit rude to completely ignore the privacy of others with the tools in his disposal
If birds weren't enough then there were insects as well. More than that, it was the squirrels that were always ignored by everyone. They could sneak up the branches, near the windows, and even inside the mansion. Other than a certain demi-human maid with sharp teeth and a sharp nose, the squirrels did not have any other threat to contend with.
Softly, he wiped the blood pouring out of his nose with a handkerchief.
He took his refilled bottle of coffee and gulped it down. The last bits tasted the worst; the temperature cold and the flavor bitter with the unmixed bits of coffee beans. It sure gave him the jolting boost of energy he needed, however.
"Now then, before I eventually succumb to sleep, there is one last thing I need to do."
Enough information had been gathered for a duration, so now there was some time to act.
Through the garden and through the lower floor, he reached the main mansion door. Standing there with his back to the Mansion was Garfiel Tinsel, the one who had been tasked with the role of information-gathering; a role that did not suit him.
"Natsuki-san was unknowingly cruel with giving such a job to him."
Garfiel had his head lowered and nary a tint of pride was revealed within the frail posture he held.
It was hard to call out to him, especially after what he had learned. But he mustered the little amount of courage left in him and called, "Garfiel."
The reply was a violent jolt of his shoulders. He turned his face in complete shock and looked every bit the part of a young kid troubled from his mistakes.
"Otto..Ni," he turned back around the moment he said it. "W-Why are you here?"
It was definitely hard to face Garfiel after what he had learned, but it was easy in comparison to letting him go.
"What about you, Garfiel? Did you even sleep?"
"There was a lot of noise, so…."
"Yeah, that's true." He slowly walked closer to his back and observed how his feet were on the verge of running away. The light of dawn wandered towards them and the magic lamps slowly dulled out.
"I am waiting for Captain, so you should go get some sleep."
"I am surprised you're not using your traditional 'amazing self,' huh?"
"...The situation is like this, yeah? Even I know when to talk casually and when not to."
"Hmm? To think that my friend would finally learn the proper peculiarities of conversation. Guess it won't be a problem to have you accompany us to formal meetings anymore, huh."
Garfiel flinched the moment he said, 'Friend.'
He continued, "Are you sure you're not making something up?"
"Otto-Nii, truly, why are you here? If you need something from Captain or even from me then…"
"Yeah, you're right. I should just come out and say it, shouldn't I?" he paused in an attempt to grab his disheveled thoughts and form them into words, then continued, "I want to ask you to stop running away from me. Stop avoiding me."
"..I ain't doing anything like that. Just busy, that's all."
"I know what you did. Or, well, I know what you said you did."
"Huh?" Garfiel's voice croaked. He kept his face ahead, yet the expression he must have on his face was quite predictable.
There would be other ways to handle this, to approach it, or to say it in a way that would mitigate the damage given. However, for Garfiel, who was a young kid in both age and heart, this was the only way.
"You killed me, Garfiel." He let the words drop out.
The drop of silence rippled out, its empty note only interrupted by the squeak of a breeze.
Garfiel turned his face around slowly. His expression was haunted, as if having witnessed a task he could not bear. His look was of a criminal confronted by tremendous guilt, unable to make any excuses and unable to escape from an accepted punishment.
It made him gulp down the bitter taste in his mouth. Though he had no remembrance of such an event, he had heard enough from Garfiel's own mouth.
"Sorry for spying on you while you were talking to Natsuki-san," he said with a wry smile. "I heard it all. Every detail of what happened, and what you did to me and the villagers. Though I definitely don't remember anything like that."
".I…I.." Garfiel's breaths raved, his eyes staggering from left to right. The poor kid's mind must have received quite the unprecedented shock.
"I know how this must look and sound to you, but I am not here to hurt you. Please, let's talk about it, Garfiel."
Garfiel's mind sought to protect itself from dangerous stress. That's why he turned back around and started to walk away
"Stop, Garfiel. I know you don't want for it to be like this."
"I can't. No, I can't! It's impossible for someone like me!"
"-So you're just going to tuck your tail and run away like a pathetic cat?"
This made Garfiel stop. His shoulders were quivering like it was winter. But his fists were clenched by his sides.
"Is this the Garfiel we all know? The kind of person who would choose to run away simply to protect his own heart?"
In truth, he could not blame Garfiel for choosing this path, because he was doing it himself. Just like how he could not confront Natsuki-san because of what he did, Garfiel was the same as well.
However, Otto Suwen was completely fine with being a hypocrite for the sake of this traumatized kid in front of him.
"How long would you even do this for, huh? Are you just not going to talk to me ever simply because you lack the courage? Is this your coping mechanism? Hah! You're regressing back to the same scared kid back at the sanctuary! This ain't anywhere near the Gorgeous Tiger that you wish to become."
"Otto-Nii, you would not understand! You just don't understand what I am going through!" He sobbed through his proclamations. "I am nothing but a fucking monster. I wanted to control shit like an idiot, but realized I wasn't strong enough so I just let myself lose control. I turned myself into a pathetic Tiger and killed innocent people."
His fists bled just like his words did.
"You know," Garfiel continued, "I am no different than a cultist, am I?"
"Absolutely not! How could you even compare yourself to them? If the others..if your sister heard this then just think about how she would feel."
"Then what?! You telling me that I am innocent? That I haven't done anything wrong? The proof is in my hands goddammit," his voice became so low that the wind seemed to be carrying it away. "I can still feel the sensation of tearing through their frail bodies. Their flesh is still hanging on my golden fur. This pathetic Tiger's fur is all red with innocent blood. And Ram! Ram. I can't even fucking recall if I murdered her or not. But I sure can recall the sensation of attacking her with my fists."
"Garfiel….that is.." He could not lie about how it froze his blood just by hearing about it.
"No words now? My pathetic self remembers how you looked when I killed you and the slaughter that followed. I..remember Captain's face as he screamed my name. I might have lost control over my body, but it was still me who murdered them. So? Are you going to state that I have no sins on my shoulder? Please don't lie to me, Otto-Nii."
With the formal tone of those last words, Garfiel started to walk away.
"Yeah, what you did was completely wrong," he said without a single flinch.
"..."
"You're not innocent of it, Garfiel, and I am not going to lie to you and say otherwise. What you did is a sin your young shoulders have to bear. There is no running away from this, nor any way to make excuses. We don't get to do that. We just don't. But wait a minute. You told me how I have no idea what you're going through. That's quite the assumption."
"Otto-Nii?"
"There is no way for me to feel what you are feeling. I am not the one who remembered a personally orchestrated mass slaughter. But, Garfiel, even I have committed a grand sin." He clenched his teeth. "I betrayed Natsuki-san."
"Huh?" Now, shocked by that statement, Garfiel turned his face towards him. His face was streamlined with tears, eyes wide open.
"I pushed him off the carriage and gave him to the white whale for a feast. Man," he quickly wiped his eyes, "So pathetic. I could go into length talking about it, and if it's with you then I am more than fine with doing so. But the point is that you're not the only one who has sinned here. In fact, it's starting to become more and more clear that it's not just us two who have committed these crimes."
Garfiel's eyes were shadowed despite the light blanketing his back. "If that's the case then we're all just pathetic people. People like us should not be around someone like Captain. We don't deserve to call him…friend."
"That might be the case." He took a deep breath, then stressed his face so hard that it hurt. "It might be the case, but are we just going to give up here?"
Garfiel's eyes widened, his tears dry.
"Are we going to give up on ourselves and on each other after having come this far? Isn't that way too easy? Isn't that way too convenient, Garfiel Tinsel?!"
His intensity made Garfiel flinch back. The positioning allowed frustrating strands of light to attack his eyes. But he strained himself and fought against it.
"Think about how much Natsuki-san has fought for us and now try to state that you're just going to give up! Say it if you really think that's the right way!"
"...I…." Garfiel did not continue.
"I don't want to give up, not on myself and not on others. I don't want to be a goddamn wimp. And I know that you aren't one either. You're the shield of Sanctuary. You're the one who has put his own body on the line against powerful opponents and beat every single one of them. The Garfiel Tinsel that I know would not run away like a scaredy cat."
"Then what the hell do we even do?! Tell me, Otto-Nii." He opened his fists and begged with his bloody hands.
"We fight. We fight against this fate. We fight to forgive ourselves. We fight to forgive each other, and we fight to seek redemption. Life doesn't give everything to you. You have to fight for it."
"Do we even have the worth to be forgiven?"
"There is no such thing as a decided worth, Garfiel. We all have to prove ourselves and gain it with our actions."
"Do we even deserve it?"
"No one in this world deserves anything. Good people don't always get rewarded and bad people don't always get punished. Instead, people die. They die very easily. That's why we fight to decide our own worth. We do it to make sure we make the most out of our finite lives."
"Can we even do it? What if we try and try, but never fucking succede and just make it all worse?"
"Ha ha," he laughed honestly at that. "Are you the kind of person who thinks about that every time before fighting a powerful opponent? I highly doubt it. There is no real way we can know whether we will achieve our goals or not. But that's never a reason to not try our hardest, Garfiel. That's no excuse."
He took a step forward. Garfiel took one back. He put his right arm forwards, his open palm directed towards Garfiel.
"No, Otto-Nii," Garfiel violently shook his head. Fresh tears broke through the corners of his eyes. "I can't do it. After what I have done, I don't deserve to show my face to anyone. I don't get another chance."
"-Well, I sure can't do it alone. I know you can't do it alone. And I know that Natsuki-san can't do it alone. That's why, please, Garfiel." He pushed his hand forwards and stepped ahead.
"Please, hold my hand, my..little brother."
That's when the dam broke and the air was filled with the drip of Garfiel's cry. His tears and wails lurched forth from the depth of his heart.
Garfiel Tinsel took the hand offered to him.
"Thank you. Thank you, brother!" The grin that broke out was soon mixed with his own tears. After all, the start of his salvation was deeply mixed with the start of Garfiel's. Only together could the brothers take this journey.
He took Garfiel in his embrace and let him cry like a little kid against his chest. Tears, snot, and drool was rubbed on his chest, as Garfiel wailed, "Otto-Nii! Sorry! I am so sorry!"
"I don't know how I'll feel when I do end up remembering this second death. I don't know if I'll even be strong enough to remain sane through it. But I would not be here if my family had given up on me. That's why, I don't get the option to give up on myself."
He looked at the direction of where Natsuki-san had gone off to, and thought, "Natsuki-san, it's selfish of me, but please don't give up on us. Hurry up and come back to us."
Chapter end.
A.N: The Pandora part was supposed to be in this chapter, but the whole thing got too long so I am keeping it for the next one.