Hi everyone! I'm sure some of you are new thanks to Lauren's recommendation, and I appreciate you giving this story a chance. I've spent a lot of time thinking it through, and I hope you all will like where it goes. And thanks again for all of the comments too. It is definitely motivating :)
Somebody: I totally agree. The world needs tons more Paily (especially on the show), but until then, this will have to do I suppose.
Tanuki Ra: Thanks for giving this a shot :) As far as the Mary Sue thing you mentioned, I actually had to look that up. Don't worry. There won't be any of that in here ;)
Soundslike: Not a Michigan girl, huh? Hah, now I'm really curious as to where you go (since I've got some kind of tie to about half of the big ten schools). And don't worry, nerds are great :) I'm pretty sure I am one myself.
All right, here goes...
Chapter Seven
By the time Emily and Jessica had seen each other again in class on Wednesday, they had already made plans to hang out Saturday night. One of Jessica's friends was playing an acoustic show at a small coffee shop, and Jessica had wanted Emily to meet a few of her high school buddies.
She had invited Emily to come over beforehand so they could walk together to meet everyone else, and Emily gladly agreed. Emily had begun to notice over the course of their conversations that Jessica was in the exact same position starting college as Emily was, someone who had spent so much time with their other half that now it felt like being all on your own. So being invited over to Jessica's felt good, because it meant maybe they could be there for each other while Maya and Wyatt were away.
It was about 8pm when Emily arrived at Jessica's dorm room. Jessica wasn't ready yet, and she had excused herself to go finish up in the bathroom while Emily took a moment to examine the other girl's room. Taking a look at a few of the photographs pinned to her wall, she realized Jessica was incredibly talented, and it made her feel excited about being her subject. She figured maybe she could frame one of the images and send it to Maya. Their two-year anniversary wasn't too far away, and she was still deciding what she could give her. Emily still wanted it to be special even if they couldn't spend it together.
"I'm so sorry!" Jessica announced as she returned to the dorm room. "Wyatt called, and I totally lost track of time."
Emily smiled. "Don't worry."
"We usually talk before bed, but since I knew I was going to be out tonight, we had to do it early," she explained as she slipped on a pair of shoes.
"You guys talk every night?" Emily asked curiously, shoving her hands in her pockets.
"I can't live a day without his voice," Jessica replied dramatically, with a smile. "Don't you and Maya?" she asked casually as she slid on her coat.
"I just thought we were the only ones," Emily replied with a forced smile. She felt badly for lying, but it felt awkward admitting the truth. She and Maya hadn't been even close to talking every night. With the time change, they had resorted to texting their goodnights and I love you's most nights because Emily had to turn in so early in order to wake up for practice. She already hated that, this early on, they weren't even speaking every day. She worried what it would be like when their course load got heavier, when midterms came around, when Emily's season started and she would be traveling to meets.
"Just never seems like we talk enough," Emily added.
"It's hard being away," Jessica told her with a frown. "I'm counting the days 'til I visit him."
"You're going to Charleston?" Emily asked, excited for Jessica because she knew just how much it would mean to her.
"In a few weeks," Jessica replied, nodding enthusiastically.
"That's so awesome!"
"We just kind of realized today that talking is great, but it's not the same as being right here with each other."
Emily nodded in agreement, but her face fell at the thought of how long it would be before she actually got to be with Maya again.
Jessica noticed right away. "You miss her, huh?"
"More than anything."
Jess linked her arm around Emily's and pulled her to the door. "Well, we two lonely hearts will have to do for each other tonight."
As they made their way to the coffee house off campus, Jessica told Emily about her and Wyatt's little tricks they had planned to try to make the distance not so terrible. They had decided to talk over the computer instead of the phone whenever they could so they could see each other's faces and thought up watching movies at the same time so it would feel like a date.
Emily knew she and Maya hadn't gone through the trouble thinking up all of these little things to get through the time apart, but Emily never realized how difficult it would actually be. She figured maybe they could steal a few of Jessica and Wyatt's ideas for their own. Emily even wondered what Maya would think of maybe trying to come visit before the holiday break so they could spend a weekend together. They had never spent a night together and now that Emily was away from home, it was perfect, knowing Maya could stay in her bed and that they would be able to wake up together. She pulled out her phone as they walk through the cold night air and sent Maya a message.
Just thinking of you. What do you think of a movie date sometime? I love you.
When they arrived to the coffee shop, Jessica introduced her to an eclectic mix of girls and guys who were excited to meet Emily. It was apparent that Jessica had talked her up to them, and it felt good to be around a group of people that seemed to welcome her instantly into their little clan.
They settled into a little booth, chatting away, as Emily got to know Jessica's group of friends from Pittsburgh. A few of them were artists like Jessica and a couple more were musicians like their friend who was backstage waiting to play. Emily thought to herself that Maya probably would have fit right in with them and wished she could have been there with her.
As their friend came on stage, they quieted down and listened as she began playing a few songs on her guitar, singing in a lyrical voice that blew them all away.
After the show finished, Emily was introduced to Jessica's friend Candace who had been on stage and Emily let her know how impressed she was with her voice. Just as they were settling in again, Emily felt her phone buzzing in her purse and pulled it out hopefully. It was Maya. Emily motioned to Jessica that she would be back in a second. Emily slipped outside into the cool night air where it was quiet and answered her phone excitedly.
"Hey!"
"Hey, beautiful," Maya's voice rang out. It'd been a couple of days since they had spoken last, and the sound of her voice was a comfort. "What are you doing?"
"Just hanging out at a show with some friends. You would have loved it," Emily insisted eagerly.
"Yeah? I miss you," Maya replied.
"You do?" Emily asked. The last few days had been hard, and she had often wondered if Maya felt as lonely without her as she did.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" Maya responded, a touch defensively.
"I'm just glad you called," Emily told her softly.
"I was curious about this whole movie thing you're talking about," she asked with a laugh.
Emily found herself shrugging. "I was just thinking it might be cool to like watch a movie at the same time and be on the phone."
Maya laughed again. "That sounds funny," she replied, as if Emily were telling her a joke.
"I just thought it'd almost be like a date or something," Emily explained shyly, starting to feel awkward for even suggesting it.
"Sure, if you want to try it," Maya said casually.
Emily took a deep breath before she launched into her next question. She had spent the entire walk over to the coffee shop thinking about what it would be like to have Maya staying with her and knew there couldn't be anything better. She hoped Maya thought the same and that they could figure something out together.
"I was also thinking maybe I could come visit or you could fly over here for a weekend," Emily said.
There was a long silence, and Emily started to think maybe they got disconnected except for the faint sound of Maya's breathing.
"When?" Maya finally responded flatly.
"I don't know. Whenever you're free," Emily replied shyly, wondering what Maya was thinking. She couldn't seem to tell at all over the phone lately.
"My schedule is kind of crazy," Maya replied.
"Well, maybe I can visit," Emily said in return.
"What about swimming?" Maya pointed out.
Emily relented, knowing that as the season neared, she wouldn't be able to take days off from swim practice. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Look, I have to go," Maya told her, and Emily sensed something was wrong but didn't want to push.
"Can we talk later?" Emily asked. "I'll be home in a couple of hours."
"Sure, I'll call you," Maya said in a rush.
"Okay," Emily agreed with a nod.
"Bye, Em."
"Bye," Emily whispered, but the phone was already dead.
She felt her heart sink in her chest as she stepped back into the coffee shop and returned to the booth where Jessica and her friends were still sitting.
"Was that Maya?" Jessica asked excitedly as Emily slid into the seat beside her.
Emily simply nodded, forcing a smile. She knew inside that something didn't feel right, and it made her nauseous. But instead of letting on, Emily forced herself to push away her thoughts until later and jumped back into the conversation, choosing to focus on all of the smiling faces surrounding her.
Throughout the rest of the night, Emily kept checking her phone. She stayed out with Jessica and her friends a little longer, moving from place to place along College Avenue until around midnight when she decided to head home. There was still no call from Maya, and Emily had started to accept that she wasn't going to get one. She wondered if there was something she had done wrong, but nothing seemed to make sense.
As she made her way back to her dorm room, she decided that if they could just be around each other again, if she could just see Maya, hug her, touch her, kiss her, all this tension would disappear instantly. She decided she would have to find a way for them to see each other.
Across campus, a hectic game of flip cup was in session. It was already well past midnight, but the party was just getting into swing as drunken shouts filled the living room of a beat up fraternity house. The room was filled with a clatter of reused couches set up on tiled floor with scattered beer cups and a keg in the corner.
Gathered around a table in the center of the room was a crowd of coeds, mostly guys but a decent mix of girls too. Amongst them, Paige waited at the end of the flip cup line as her team tore through each round, player by player. Like everyone else, she was banging on the table, cheering for her teammates as they vied to take the lead.
As the game reached her, her team was just slightly behind as the other team had already downed the final beer and was at work trying to flip the cup upright. Paige swallowed the beer in a quick swig and placed the cup gently on the side of the table, carefully tapping it with her finger. On the first try, Paige had it standing up right, and her team erupted into cheers as they won the match with a few of them chanting Paige's name. Paige simply smiled and rolled her eyes playfully.
Across the table was Collin, shaking his head but smiling at Paige's victory and his own loss. When they caught eyes, his smile broadened, and Paige swallowed hard. All night, she'd been trying to avoid him. They had class together twice a week already, which she couldn't avoid, and afterwards, they usually had lunch with Pru, Jacob, and the other guys. He obviously didn't think it was enough as she had seen him already catch eyes with her a few times that night with a look that said he wanted to speak to her, but she'd managed to make herself conveniently unavailable most of the party. Feeling now like he was going to use the excuse of congratulating her as a chance to talk, she turned and moved towards the back of the house.
Reaching the back screen door, Paige made her way outside where a few people had found a way to turn a grill into a fire pit and were crowded around it, talking and drinking beer. Paige leaned back against the side of the house, the light from the grill flickering on her face. She had been trying keep it cool on the drinks so she could keep an eye on Pru, who seemed hell-bent on getting herself into trouble, and tonight, she was a tad buzzed but nothing more.
Her mind had filtered back to Emily a few times over the course of the night, and outside, staring up at the night sky, she started to wonder what she might have been doing right then. If she was out at a party, if she was hanging out with friends, if she was at home, their home, which just sounded weird to begin with. Paige pulled out her cell phone and looked at the most recent message that Emily had sent her. It came a couple days before, just a simple curt message to let her know when she was going to do an extra swim. Paige hadn't replied. There was something about saying 'Thanks' that just didn't seem right. However now, she found herself wanting to say something, but she had no idea where to even start. Before she knew it, she was clicking the reply button on her cell.
Just then, she heard a deep voice calling her name and looked up. Collin was approaching her with a broad smile, and she felt her stomach twist in the worst way as she slid her cell phone into her back pocket and tried to hide the dread on her face.
"Hey, Collin," Paige said, forcing herself to be nice. She had an entire semester of class ahead of her with him, and while maybe she could sever ties and find a new place in the classroom to sit, she knew Pru would never forgive her for screwing up her lunches with Jacob.
He settled in next to her, leaning against the wall. "Having a good time?"
Paige nodded. "Yeah. You?"
"Definitely. Jacob was stoked that you and Pru showed up."
Paige laughed lightly. "I'm glad he's stoked."
"I'm glad you both showed up too," Collin replied more seriously. Paige felt like she should have said something in response, but before she could, Collin continued. "Paige, I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime, if you'd let me take you to dinner, something other than dining hall food."
Paige smirked, thinking back to her conversation with Pru earlier in the week. "Did Pru put you up to this?" she asked curiously.
"What?" Collin said with a confused expression.
Paige shook her head as she realized Pru had nothing to do with this. "Nevermind."
"So, what do you think?" Collin asked hopefully.
Paige winced, hoping she could find the right way to say what she knew she had to say.
"Look, Collin. I think you're great…" she started.
"You do?" he said, smiling.
Paige sighed. "Collin, things are so crazy right now. Classes are already weighing me down and with the first meet coming in October, Coach has me swimming extra hours trying to get my times down. It's just—"
"A bad time?" he finished for her, still maintaining a kindness in his voice. "Don't worry," he assured her. "I completely understand."
"Yeah?"
Collin nodded. "I'm a swimmer too, and trust me, it's hard when you've got to be awake at 5am every day to be adding something else into your schedule."
"Thanks for understanding," Paige told him gratefully. She had no idea it would be this easy, that he would take it this well, that he would, in fact, understand.
"It's nothing," Collin told her shrugging. "Besides, I can wait," he added with a small smile.
Paige nodded, but inside, she felt herself sinking knowing she would have to face this whole awkward situation again someday. Collin excused himself a few moments later, leaving Paige alone again with her thoughts. As soon as he left, she found herself reaching for her phone from her pocket again and looking at Emily's message, staring at it for an eternity as the two forces inside her pulled her back and forth on what to do.
Finally, she closed Emily's text and returned her phone to her pocket, pushed off the side of the wall with her foot, and went to find Pru.
Paige awoke to an ache in her back, sprawled out with a blanket and pillow on Pru's dorm room floor. Even though she hadn't drunk much the night before, her body was aching from spending the night on the ground. Collin and Jacob and a few others had walked them back well after 3 in the morning, and Paige had fallen asleep on Pru's bed while she was in the bathroom before being promptly kicked to the floor when she returned. Paige didn't even consider trying to share the bed, not because Paige didn't feel comfortable, but because she knew she'd probably wake up with a bruised cheek in the morning considering the way Pru slept. Paige always assumed her friend must have been dreaming about going to war because if Paige ever did sleep next to her, she woke up with battle wounds.
By the time she gave up on trying to get a decent rest, it was well past noon, and Pru's roommate had scoffed around long enough for Paige to get the hint that she needed to leave.
Even though it was well into the 70's outside, Paige dug through Pru's drawer and slipped an oversized sweatshirt over last night's tank top. She learned the weekend before that there was something about making your way across campus wearing last night's clothes that felt shameful even if the only place she'd been sleeping was Pru's floor.
When she made it back to Brumbaugh, she dragged her sore body up the stairs towards the dorm room. Unlocking the door and stepping inside, Paige saw Emily sitting on her bed, her head bent over a heavy book and a pad of paper. She looked up as she heard the door open.
"Hey," Emily said softly, a smile on her face that seemed kinder than Paige thought she ever deserved.
"Hey, I, uh, stayed at Pru's," Paige told her as she pulled off the sweatshirt and tossed it on her desk before settling onto her bed across from Emily.
"That's cool," Emily replied. "You guys go out last night?" she asked shyly as she twirled a pencil in her fingers.
Paige nodded. "Yeah, just some party at one of the frat houses. What about you?"
"I went to see a friend play at a coffee shop, then we just made our rounds on College Avenue."
"Nice," Paige responded, thinking that sounded like something she'd rather do if it hadn't been for Pru dragging her to the frat as soon as Jacob called.
Emily's gaze returned to her books as Paige laid down flat on her bed, her arms spread out over her head. As she lay there, her eyes kept moving over to Emily. She looked deep in thought, scribbling every few seconds, and scrunching her nose. Paige noticed her frustration and sat up.
"What are you working on?" Paige inquired as she looked over, trying to see what book Emily had on her lap.
"I don't even know," Emily told her exasperated, dropping her pencil. Paige flashed her a confused expression, and Emily continued, "Calculus. This whole derivative of a derivative of a derivative. It feels more like Inception than math. At least that's how much it's messing with my brain," Emily told her shaking her head and laughing at herself.
Paige couldn't help but smile at Emily's ranting. "Do you want some help?" Paige asked cautiously. She felt like she was already breaking some rule she'd made with herself on how many words she could say to Emily in one conversation, but she knew Calculus like the back of her hand and it seemed wrong to let Emily suffer. Even if the expression on her face as she chewed on her lip made Paige flush.
"Seriously?" Emily asked graciously.
Paige nodded. "Yeah. I took Calc last year."
Paige moved over to Emily's bed and took a seat beside her. As she leaned over the book, she took a second to familiarize herself with what Emily was working on before she began slowly explaining the concepts to Emily, helping her do a few practice problems, and quizzing her on some things.
The entire time they were sitting beside each other, Paige could feel Emily's long dark hair brushing against the skin of her arm. She couldn't help but notice that Emily smelled like the faintest hint of vanilla. She felt her heart racing and desperately hoped Emily wouldn't notice.
"You make this look easy too," Emily finally said, tilting her head to Paige after she had finished showing her how to do another complicated problem.
Paige's brows furrowed. "What else do I make look easy?" she asked curiously, her eyes running over Emily's face.
"Swimming," Emily replied softly.
"Oh." Paige felt her body begin to buzz.
"I just, I've noticed," Emily started to explain, fidgeting and turning her gaze. "At practice."
Paige simply nodded. She found herself completely speechless. Emily smiled at her again, and Paige returned it as Emily shyly turned back to her book, and they began the tutoring session again. Paige tried to maintain her calm, but inside, her heart was hammering away. The idea of Emily even noticing something like her swimming abilities made her feel breathless. She forced herself to turn her focus back to the task at hand, back to the open Calculus book, and not Emily's shy smile or the smell of her hair that turned her inside out. She couldn't let herself think about it. She couldn't.
About twenty minutes later, Emily was getting the hang of what Paige was showing her and looked over to her, smiling gratefully, and once again, Paige felt it go straight to her gut.
"Thanks," Emily whispered as their eyes met. They stayed on each other for a long moment as Paige studied Emily up close, her eyes running over the perfect lines of her face. Paige was sure she'd never seen anyone quite as beautiful as Emily before.
Feeling completely on edge, Paige shrugged off Emily's thank you and stood up awkwardly, moving back to her side of the room. Feeling all of a sudden claustrophobic, Paige fidgeted and reached for her swim bag.
"I think I'm actually going to head to the pool."
"Oh, okay," Emily replied with a touch of sadness in her voice. It was clear to Emily that Paige wanted to get away, and Paige thought that while it was true, it wasn't for the reasons Emily must have been thinking.
Paige gathered her things quickly and darted out the door, leaving Emily alone with just the company of her calculus book and her thoughts.
Later on, Emily finally finished working on the Calculus problems and gathered up her books. She knew she would have been tackling them until her mind had grown sore if Paige hadn't helped her, but she didn't really understand why Paige had chosen to spend the time teaching her.
Part of Emily had wondered if maybe Paige had started to come around, if they were going to get past this whole thing. She had been so sweet to help her, had explained things carefully, hadn't made her feel dumb when that's exactly how Emily had been feeling. And yet, a moment later, Paige had darted off without much of a word. It was weird to feel so comfortable around someone one second and so awkward the next. And it felt terrible knowing Paige could hardly stand to be around her when Emily found herself, at times, truly enjoying Paige's company. It seemed so wrong that it could feel so good to be around someone that didn't want to be around you.
Emily's phone beeped from her desk and she reached across the bed for it. For the first few days after she had given her number to Paige, Emily had kept wondering if she was going to use her number. A few times, she had grabbed her phone when it buzzed, and she realized that instead of thinking it was Maya, she had wondered if it was Paige. It was a weird feeling, but Maya had been calling so little, maybe it didn't mean anything in particular. Maybe it was just a testament to what was happening between her and Maya, which was more than Emily really wanted to consider yet.
When she clicked open the message, instead, Emily saw that it was from Hanna. After last weekend at Hanna's place, after Hanna had confronted her about Paige, Emily hadn't really wanted to talk to her. She had ignored a couple of Hanna's texts throughout the week, and she was sure Hanna was at least a little hurt by it.
You can't ignore me forever, it read.
Emily laughed out loud. It was true, and Hanna knew that Emily would agree with her.
All week, Emily knew that Hanna had been busy with her sorority events, a different party, a different dress, every night. She had seen large groups of rush girls trekking across campus almost every evening, and it seemed like this weird rite of passage that Emily was glad she hadn't agreed to. Yet, she knew it made Hanna ecstatic and knew also that Hanna was supposed to find out that morning if she was chosen for a sorority and which one.
Emily sent her a message back telling her, Come over, but you better have a peace offering in hand.
Hanna arrived thirty minutes later, knocking on Emily's door. Emily let her in and Hanna hugged her instantly.
"Don't do that again. It felt like I got dumped," Hanna teased, garnering a laugh from Emily before releasing her and making her way around the room for the first time.
"So where's the roommate from the black lagoon?" Hanna asked, turning to face Emily again.
"Hanna," Emily chided with a frown.
"Sorry! Just the whole swimming thing. Seemed kind of fitting," Hanna shrugged with a self-satisfied smile.
"She's at the pool," Emily explained, plopping down on her bed, her thoughts returning to Paige darting out the room.
"I thought you guys didn't have practice on Sundays," Hanna said with curiosity as she leaned in to Paige's wall and examined a photo of Emily's roommate.
"We don't," Emily said with a shrug.
Hanna rolled her eyes. "Geez, don't you guys swim enough as it is?"
"Coach has asked the two of us to grow fins and gills and permanently move in to the pool," Emily quipped.
Hanna laughed. "Why just you two?"
"She thinks we're the strongest freshman."
"Well, we both know you are, Emily Fields," Hanna started. "But your roommate?" she asked doubtfully.
"Paige," Emily filled in for her as she realized that Hanna still hadn't even met Paige yet.
"She's good too?"
"She's incredible," Emily replied, revealing the level of respect she had for Paige as an athlete, if not as something more as well. Off Hanna's questioning look, Emily added casually, "I just mean, she's talented."
Hanna nodded, moving to the bed and taking a seat near Emily. "Speaking of her, Em, I'm really sorry about last weekend."
Emily shook her head. "Don't worry about it."
"I'm serious though," Hanna insisted. "I was totally out of line."
"That is true," Emily replied with a smirk.
"I think we all just get a little protective of you. Ready to pull our swords out, you know?"
Emily rolled her eyes playfully. "I can hold my own you know. I don't need three knights in shining armor."
Hanna smiled sympathetically. "We just hate seeing you hurt. But if you want to deal with it your way, I get that. I just wish you didn't have anything you had to deal with."
"It's fine. I promise," Emily asserted, even though truthfully, she wasn't sure how things stood between her and Paige. "Now, where is my peace offering?" Emily asked, hoping to deflect the conversation and curious what Hanna might have actually come up with. Knowing her friend, it could have been anything.
Hanna smirked deviously as she reached into her purse and pulled out a fresh bottle of champagne.
Emily burst into shocked laughter. "Where did you get this?"
"Snuck it from home," Hanna smirked.
"You know this is not what I meant," Emily teased, shaking her head and taking the bottle from Hanna's hands to examine the label.
Hanna reached for a pair of cups from her purse, shrugging a shoulder. "I figured we'd either be celebrating or commiserating, and either way, we could use some alcohol."
"Wait," Emily said, her eyes narrowing. "I thought they gave out letters already."
With a nervous smile, Hanna reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope, hanging it to Emily. "I haven't opened it yet."
"Oh my god," Emily exclaimed in shock. "But you got this hours ago!"
"I know," Hanna said, reaching for Emily's forearm. "I wanted you to be here. Just felt right, ya know? It's like a new chapter or something. And I'm just glad you're here with me to start it."
Emily nodded, smiling at her friend. "Me too."
Carefully, Emily opened up the envelope and unfolded it, taking a quick glance at what it ready inside.
"Well?" Hanna asked nervously.
Emily smiled sweetly. She wasn't surprised in the least. "Congratulations, Miss Kappa Delta!"
Hanna squealed and reached her arms around Emily, hugging her tightly. Hanna finally let go, reached for the bottle of champagne and fidgeting with it until it finally burst open, some of the liquid spilling onto the ground as the two girls broken into giggles. Hanna haphazardly poured two glasses for them and handed one to Emily.
As she took the glass, Emily started to think about what Hanna had said. Emily had spent the last week worrying, wondering, trying to predict what was going to happen this year when it came to everything from her classes to her situation with Paige to her relationship with Maya, and she decided right then and there that no matter what she tried to do, she didn't have all the control. She had a feeling this whole year was going to be a roller coaster of a ride and that she was just going to have to start letting go and seeing where it took her.
Emily lifted her glass into the air along with Hanna.
"To the next chapter," Emily announced as they clicked their glasses together and shared a smile. "Let the ride begin."