All right, folks, sorry about the long wait on this one! Crazy week of school for me! But hopefully this chapter will make up for all of that :) It's a long one.

everythingurnot: I'm glad you like Paige in this. I, of course, like Paige always, but if I can convince someone else of how great she is as a character, I feel like it's well worth the writing :)

Soundslike: I'm so glad you are liking the story :) Your comments crack me up. I definitely want you on my flippy cup team! Though, I don't know if I can get behind this whole Illinois thing. I mean, I've never really understood what a "Fighting Illini" actually was ;) But seriously, I feel like you nailed it on the head with your comment at the end with what I am hopefully doing. I love these too, and I think they're just right for each other. And I love being able to show them figuring it all out, stumbling and all :)

okay, here goes!

Chapter Eight

The next few weeks passed in a blur as Paige settled into a routine of classes and swim practice, studying at the library and meeting Pru and their new friends for meals, hitting a few Saturday night parties and waking up on Sundays with a heavy hangover on Pru's floor. It seemed that, while everyone around her was finding their niche and creating their own happiness in their new lives, Paige couldn't shake this aching emptiness she felt inside. This routine, this life, it wasn't the heaven she would have wanted, but at least, it was working.

These days, she spent far more time in the pool than she ever did in high school. While the hectic chaos of swim practices usually left her feeling exhausted and frantic, being alone in the water in the quiet had begun to calm her like it once used to. It was just her alone with her thoughts.

The time at the Natatorium had also given Paige a reprieve from being around Emily as often as she would have otherwise been. Paige found that, as expected, distance had proven to be the best decision. Emily had this kind of magnetic draw about her that Paige felt if she got too close to her, she'd get caught in her gravity and never get out. And Paige still hadn't allowed herself to consider what that would mean, to wrap her head around the consequences of that action, to think about what it would be like to have your entire existence orbiting around Emily. She wondered if you would ever be able to maintain a distance, or if you would just become pulled in, like a meteor, disappearing in a streak of light within her atmosphere. Besides, Emily already had a moon in her world, and what room was there left for anything but minor satellites?

By now, Paige had started to see Emily around campus a few times a week. Emily would never notice, being completely entranced in her own world as she headed to class, bag over her shoulder, sun shining on her face, or deep in conversation with a few friends Paige had noticed she'd made, laughing and enjoying their company. Paige always felt a touch of sadness running through her when she saw Emily during her day, wishing somehow she could be a part of it, a part of her life, maybe even a part of her. Paige knew it just wasn't something she could allow herself to do, but she was glad nonetheless that Emily looked happy. There was something about Emily Fields smiling that made you feel like something was right in the world, even if everything else seemed so wrong.

Just as Paige's eyes started to flutter shut, she felt a sharp poke in her shoulder. She sat up straight and looked over to see Collin offering her a sympathetic smile.

"Professor was starting to notice," he told her as she refocused her eyes back on the Professor lecturing in the front of her Economics class. Paige caught the older man's heavy gaze on her and felt her cheeks flush as she readjusted herself in her chair and picked up her pen again.

"Thanks," Paige told Collin. It wasn't the first time she had felt herself starting to nod off in his class. Between all of the early mornings at the pool and her inability to get herself interested in the lectures, Paige had spent most of the first few weeks of Econ somewhere between a daze and a slumber. She was beginning to wonder how she was going to endure four years of Economics classes if she could hardly keep her head up in her first one.

Paige turned her head to Collin again. "So what'd I miss?"

Collin laughed softly. "Something about consumer equilibrium?" he told her. "You can borrow my notes."

"That's okay," Paige replied shaking her head. "I bought that thirty pound book for a reason I guess," she quipped back, and he laughed again.

Now that the pressure of Collin asking Paige out had passed, they had settled into a reasonably comfortable friendship. Paige had let herself relax around him, and slowly, she realized that she enjoyed his company. He was funny in this kind of dorky sort of way that she didn't expect, and they could talk about swimming forever while the conversations around them drifted off onto some other topic. Paige was grateful that he didn't seem to hold anything against her for turning him down, but she also was sure that she could never let her guard down too much. Knowing his feelings for her might only be growing, she made it a point never to hang out just the two of them, always dragging along Pru and Jacob and a few others to prevent any awkward interactions. She was never sure when he was going to come up with the idea to ask her out again, but she was at least grateful that all of her dozing off in class let him know that she was barely surviving with everything on her plate and that she couldn't add on a relationship with him too. Even if those weren't her only reasons, it wasn't a total lie.

The last few weeks, Paige had been busy readying her application for the Penn State Investment Association, which was a campus group that allowed you to handle a real investment portfolio. Her father had looked into it before she had started school, and her agreement to get involved was one of the reasons he had seemed to accept her taking a spot on Penn State's swim team as opposed to Ohio State, which had a better ranked program. He had believed it was the perfect experience for her "to prepare for her future," and Paige had consented. While at the time, she had hoped it would be something she enjoyed, she'd found herself dragging her feet on the application, begrudgingly accumulating her list of achievements, and trying to complete an essay on why she felt 'being a part of PSIA was an unparalleled opportunity to gain hands on experience, etc, etc...' It seemed that every time she tried to put her thoughts to words, she couldn't come up with a single reason why she would want to do PSIA. She was starting to realize, regretfully, that maybe it was because she didn't have any. There was a nagging sense that all these goals her father had been grooming her for, that she didn't share a single one of them.

Paige didn't have much time to dwell on the thought as the Professor dismissed class a few minutes early, and she found herself feeling grateful. Afterwards, she and Collin fell into stride together outside as they headed to The Hub for lunch with the crew.

"You have to tell me if my hair does something weird," Emily insisted to Jessica who was kneeling down a few feet away, her camera in hand, snapping photos of her.

They had both skipped their afternoon classes and had been shooting in a quieter part of campus for the better part of an hour so far. The first half an hour, Emily had been so nervous that Jessica had been forced to pose her, adjusting how she stood and how she held her head, but by now Emily had grown more comfortable, letting Jessica snap away as she pleased. She realized that Jessica had been right. It was a lot of fun, but she and Jessica had gotten so close recently, hanging out with her was always a good time.

"Oh, please, you look amazing!" Jessica exclaimed, rolling her eyes, as she tilted the camera and continued shooting.

Emily had spent an hour getting ready for this, trying to find the perfect outfit, fixing her hair the right way, applying her makeup just so. Since they had agreed on the shoot, Emily had been excited to be able to show the photos to Maya if they ended up looking good.

While Maya had never called her back the night they spoke at the coffee shop, she had called her on Sunday night, and they'd had some time to talk. Emily had noticed her demeanor was completely different the next night, and Maya had agreed with her about trying to talk over the computer. Yet, the next couple weeks, Emily felt like she was pulling teeth just to get Maya on the phone, and whereas some days she was her sweet self that Emily knew, other times she seemed completely distant, as if she couldn't be bothered. However, their plans to talk on the computer were for the following evening and Emily couldn't wait to have the chance to see Maya's face again. It seemed enough for her to hold onto, and she did so, tightly.

"Make sure you get a good one," Emily told Jessica as she adjusted her shirt. "I want to send one to Maya. It's our two year coming up," she added with a smile.

Jessica grinned as she snapped another photo before letting the camera hang around her neck and moving to another side of Emily who was set up against one of the beautiful old buildings on campus.

"Well, if that's the case, doll, maybe we should be doing this inside with a bit less clothes on you," Jessica suggested, smirking.

Emily's mouth fell agape in shock. She shook her head, feeling her face flush. "No. No way. You're crazy."

Jessica shrugged as she continued with a teasing grin. "Just saying. I think she'd appreciate that. Way more than you and a brick wall."

"I can't," Emily replied shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Jessica moved in, taking a closer shot of Emily. "Can't or won't?" she asked with a wink.

Emily felt herself fidget uncomfortably. She and Jessica had grown close, and Emily had told her all about Maya and their relationship. Yet, they hadn't really quite gotten around to sharing these kinds of details.

"It's just…" Emily started awkwardly. "Maya and I… we haven't."

"Oh!" Jessica replied as her eyes widened, realizing what Emily was trying to say. "Then she'd really appreciate it!" she added grinning.

Emily shook her head and rolled her eyes playfully as she leaned back against the wall again. Inside, she felt her heart racing at the idea, not of sending Maya photos like that, but of she and Maya doing that at all. It had been weeks since they had touched, and while sometimes, Emily would think about her, remember what it felt like to kiss Maya, thinking about more was almost too much, and she forced the thought away.

"So… you and Maya, you two haven't?" Jessica asked cautiously. It was a couple of hours after they'd begun shooting when Jessica finally decided she had what she needed, and they decided to grab dinner together near Jessica's dorm in the West Halls. They had settled in to a booth in the corner, but it wasn't nearly as private as Emily would have liked for a conversation such as this.

"No," Emily replied nervously. Off Jessica's look, she added, "You look shocked."

While her other friends, Hanna especially, had always bugged Emily about how far she and Maya had gone together, she had always been cryptic in her responses, letting them think what they wanted to think, which she was sure was that they had already slept together. However, this was the first time she had ever really talked about it to anyone.

"Impressed, I guess," Jessica replied who sat across from her leaning in to hear Emily, who felt so nervous discussing it with so many people around.

"You and Wyatt. You guys have?" Emily asked.

Jessica shrugged. "Yeah. I mean we waited a while. Like a year. But yeah," Jessica told her.

Emily nodded, taking a long moment to consider what Jessica had said.

"I mean, it's not like we never thought about it. We almost did. Once. When her parents were out of town. I don't know…" Emily told her shyly. "Maybe I was just waiting for it to be right."

Jessica shook her head in confusion. "Waiting for what to be right?"

Emily felt her mind start to spin. All of a sudden, all the reasons she had come up with over the last two years, all of the times she had stopped them, all of the time she asked Maya to wait, she started to feel like it didn't make sense the way it once had in her head. She loved Maya. They'd been together for two years. It wasn't as if they didn't have all the trust you were supposed to have in order to share that with someone. So what had she been waiting for?

Emily didn't know what to say, so instead, she simply shrugged, and thankfully, Jessica let the topic go, even if, in her mind, Emily couldn't.

Later that evening, Paige meandered her way back from class towards Brumbaugh after a full afternoon of classes. As she pushed the door to her room open, she found it quiet and empty. She hadn't heard from Emily about swimming that night, and she had to admit that she was curious as to where she was. Paige noticed that Emily rarely seemed to have friends over, and she wondered if she was the reason, if Emily felt uncomfortable bringing anyone around Paige after what happened, or worse, if Emily had told them. Paige tried to tell herself she shouldn't care, but thinking Emily's friends thought she hated her was almost as bad as Emily thinking it.

Just as she collapsed onto the bed, Paige heard her phone ringing in her bag and reached for it, hoping it wasn't Pru calling about a mid-week party that she had to go to. Over the weeks, Pru and Jacob had continued this dance around each other that everybody around them refused to point out to either of them. As a result, Pru insisted she drag Paige along to every single outing Jacob invited her to. In all other circumstances, Paige would have refused a house party on a Wednesday, a kegger on a Monday, but it gave her an excuse to keep her distance from the dorm room, her distance from Emily, who, despite all of Paige's strongest attempts, seemed to be not nearly as distant from her mind.

Paige checked the caller ID and saw that it wasn't Pru calling, but in fact, her father. She felt her stomach twist. She'd had her few weeks of reprieve, but she knew that at some point, he would be calling to check in on her, see how swimming and school and the road to success was going. After all, he felt like they had spent years doing all of the paving.

"Hey, Dad," Paige said as she answered her phone.

"Paige. There you are. I was hoping you would answer. I have a few minutes before the Avery Fundraiser and just wanted to check in with you," he explained in his usual diplomatic tone. Sometimes, Paige felt like he spoke to her the same way he did to his constituents as opposed to how you would speak to your child, as if even this was a tactical move in his hunt for governorship.

"Yeah, I just got home from class," Paige replied. She and her father almost never spoke on the phone more than a few words. In high school, if she was out too late, he would call to recite a stern message about responsibility, and Paige would tell her friends that she had to go. Paige was sure it wouldn't be much different in college, and to her luck, it was already a few weeks before he had decided to pick up the phone.

"How are your classes going?" her father started, and for the next several minutes, he drilled her on her Microeconomics class, on how her swim times were improving, on how much time she was spending studying. Paige, unfortunately, was used to this already. It was their nightly dinner routine at home, that is, if he was home for dinner, and by now, she already knew how to tell him what he wanted to hear.

"And have you been in touch with the Investment Association?" he inquired further.

"Yeah, I've been working on the application."

"It's a month in to school. You haven't gotten that turned in yet?" he asked disapprovingly, and Paige was glad she didn't have to see his face.

"I'm just making sure it's perfect," Paige told him, hoping it sounded like a reasonable excuse. "I still have another week before the deadline."

"Nobody likes people who wait until the last minute."

Paige exhaled a long breath feeling the weight of his disapproval even from six hours away. "I know."

"You're not letting yourself get distracted, are you?"

Paige found herself looking over to Emily's side of the room. So far, there had only been one distraction, she thought as she stood up from the bed and crossed to Emily's side. She lifted up another frame Emily had on her desk and took a look at a photo of her with her friends, one of them being the girl she had met on the first day of school, along with two others she didn't know.

"No, Dad," Paige told him. "No distractions." She lifted the photo to take a closer look at Emily and felt her body grow warm.

"All right, well, I just wanted to check in," her father said, his voice breaking her thoughts as she finally set the frame back down.

"Okay. I sent you the schedule for the swim meets," Paige replied hopefully.

"I'll have my assistant take a look," he told her.

Paige simply nodded. They said their awkward goodbyes and got off the phone. After, Paige let her body drop back down onto her bed for a moment before finally reaching for her laptop off her desk and getting to work on the PSIA Essay.

It was 445am when Paige's alarm starting buzzing. The sun hadn't yet come up over the horizon and the room was pitch black still. It was mid-September now, and, each day, as the sun rose later and later, the mornings were met with darker and darker skies. Paige reached a hand out and clicked off the sound before it woke Emily and pulled herself from bed. After dressing quietly, Paige scribbled a note for Emily that let her know she was going to the pool early the get some laps in and made her way into the dark to the Natatorium.

Lately, Paige had been starting to wish she had just agreed to swim with Emily. The early mornings and late nights alone in the water were starting to get lonely. She often wondered what it would be like to be in the pool in the quiet at this hour with Emily, what they would say to each other. But at least this routine was easy, simple. Being in the water by herself, she could focus.

It was especially important today. Today, the coaches would be doing the first timings since that first day of practice, and it was vital that Paige prove that her times had gone down. The downside of swimming alone had been she had had no one there to time her laps, to see if all these hours were helping her to improve. Even though today's early morning swim was no different, she had wanted to get to the pool before everyone else to do a few laps, warm up her muscles, prepare herself mentally for that morning's practice when she had to shine. She had let her father know that she had a chance at a relay spot, and he had been thrilled. At the time, she hadn't wanted to say anything, but it seemed like swimming was the only thing that was still working right now, and it gave her a chance to dodge all his questions about her Econ classes that she didn't feel like answering. He was counting on her doing well. Now, she had to come through on it.

Shouts filled the auditorium as Paige cut through the water. It was her first round of timings on the freestyle, but the morning had already been going well. Already through the butterfly and backstroke, Paige had finished well in her heats, beating all of her high school records already. The coach wouldn't reveal how they all had done in comparison, but Paige felt pretty confident she had secured a spot in the butterfly relay by the way Coach had congratulated her after her race. She hadn't seen Emily race yet that morning since she had been a few lanes down from her, but Paige was sure with how much each of them had been at the pool, she must have finished well too.

Paige made a turn under the water, and when she surfaced again, she heard her name being shouted by a few other girls. She swung her arms out, one by one, pulling her body through the water, feeling the burn in her muscles as she neared the end of the race. Touching the end of the pool, she lifted her head out of the water to a round of clapping as she realized she'd finished first in that round. She smiled, breathing a sigh of relief as she pulled herself out of the pool. Coach Becker, stopwatch in hand, was grinning as she patted Paige on the back. A few other teammates congratulated her on the heat as she wrapped a towel around her body. Looking up, she saw Emily pulling off her sweats as she prepared to get in the pool for her heat. She flashed Paige a smile, and it made Paige feel better than any stopwatch or Coach's congratulations probably ever could.

Moments later, Emily's heat started, and Paige watched from the side as Emily dove into the pool, her long lean body moving through the water effortlessly. While the girls around her cheered and clapped, Paige found herself simply watching Emily closely, observing how she glided through the water, how her arms and legs moved gracefully at every stroke as she pulled into the lead ahead of the other girls in the parallel lanes.

As she watched, Paige thought back to what Emily had said about her, about her swimming, about how she made it look easy. Right then, watching Emily swim, she realized that it was one thing to make it look easy and quite another to make it look beautiful. And it was impossible to deny. The way Emily moved in the water was like poetry.

Hours later, Paige had gotten out of her afternoon class early, and instead of going on to her next one, she decided to skip for the day. Her body was beat from getting to the pool at 5am and from Coach timing them that morning. She knew Emily was still in class for a few more hours, so she figured she would come back early and take a nap. She had spent so much time away from the dorm, crashing on Pru's floor, staying late at the library, that she was starting to feel like she never slept.

As Paige neared the dorm room door, she heard music emanating from behind it. She checked her watch. It was only 2pm, and as far as she knew, Emily never really skipped class, but today, it was obvious that she must have. Paige thought about turning around and forgoing the nap, simply heading straight to the library to get to work, but she knew she needed her laptop to work on her Economics paper that was due the next day.

She unlocked the door and pushed it open, the sounds of Adele filling her ears. Paige stepped inside and froze instantly. Across the room was Emily, seemingly busy cleaning up her side of the room as her body swayed, dancing to Rumor Has It. But it wasn't just this simple act that planted Paige in place, her feet fixed to the ground like she'd stepped into quicksand, but also how Emily was dressed. Paige realized that Emily must not have been expecting her to be home early either, because all she was wearing was a pair of the tiniest track shorts and a thin revealing tank top that dipped low in the front and back over her sports bra.

Paige felt her mouth go dry. She couldn't stop her eyes. They traveled along Emily's body, from her lean legs to the curves of her hips to the broadness of her shoulders. Just when her gaze lifted to Emily's face, Paige heard someone cough and realized that Emily wasn't the only one in the room. Lying across her bed was a blonde girl, reading a magazine, who had happened to notice Paige's presence first. At the cough, Emily turned around and finally noticed Paige standing there. Their eyes met.

"Oh. Hey," Emily reached for the stereo volume quickly, lowering the sound. "Sorry about the music. I can turn it off if you want to study," she said apologetically.

Paige shook her head as she made her way over to her desk, forcing her eyes away from Emily. "No, it's, uh, it's okay. I just came to grab my Mac. I was heading to the library." Paige told her as she shoved her laptop into her bag frantically, trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Emily turned back to her friend briefly. "Hanna, this is Paige."

"Hi," the other girl said. Paige looked up and recognized the girl as one from Emily's photos. She muttered a quick hello in response before zipping her bag up and moving towards the door again.

"Paige, wait," Emily called out, crossing over to where Paige was standing, her hand already on the knob. Emily put her hand on Paige's forearm to stop her from leaving. Their eyes caught, and Paige felt the touch of Emily's hand send electricity through her. "You can study here. I can go if you want," Emily told her sweetly, offering her a smile that Paige didn't feel worthy of for how she was acting.

Emily was only inches away from her now, and the feel of Emily's hand on her arm, knowing her body was so close was too much. Paige turned away and closed her eyes tightly, trying to contain the fuzziness in her head. She felt like her heart was pounding, like she could hardly breathe. Paige felt like she was going out of her mind with what she could only describe as longing. It was both painful and exhilarating all at once.

She lifted her gaze to Emily and saw her dark eyes staring at her with sadness and concern. Paige scanned Emily's face, noting the way her bronze skin was shining and how her pink lips looked softer than Paige could probably ever imagine. She wondered what it would be like to touch her, to feel her, to pull her close until their bodies touched.

"Don't worry about it," Paige finally muttered, pulling open the door, and flying out of there in a heartbeat.

In the empty stairwell, Paige finally stopped, leaning against the wall, catching her breath. Before she even realized what was happening, she had covered her face with her hands and felt tears.

Emily closed the door behind Paige, and turned back to Hanna with a frown. She felt terrible. She knew that normally she would still be at class, but she had decided to come home early to clean and spend some time with Hanna since she was free. But from the look on Paige's face, Emily knew Paige had been counting on her being out when she got there. In fact, lately, Paige had been absent so often, Emily was starting to feel guilty, knowing she must be the reason. Even after a few weeks, it was obvious that Paige still wanted nothing to do with her. She felt stupid thinking that, for a moment, she had actually hoped Paige would have stayed, hung out with them for a little bit, let Hanna realize what Emily had been coming to see in their brief moments together, that when she let her guard down, Paige actually seemed really great to be around it. There was something about Paige that continued to tug at Emily, something about her she couldn't shake off, and for some reason, Emily had come to feel like she had something to prove when it came to Paige.

"Nice to meet you too," Hanna said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at Paige's hasty departure.

"Hanna," Emily said disapprovingly, flashing her a frown.

"I thought you said everything was fine," Hanna countered, setting down the magazine and sitting up.

Emily walked back over from the door and leaned back against Paige's desk, facing Hanna. "It is fine."

"Yeah, that seemed real fine, Em. Why don't you ask for a new roommate?" Hanna pressured.

"I think you're overreacting," Emily tried to convince her. Maybe she was still trying to convince herself, telling herself things weren't so bad, when maybe they were. Maybe Paige wanted her to ask for a new roommate.

"She acts like you're some alien from outer space. She's the one overreacting."

Emily shrugged. "It's not going to change the fact that I'll be swimming with her for four years. If I do something like that, it'll just make things worse. Especially when I have to explain to Coach."

Hanna sighed, finally seeing Emily's point. "Okay, so you're right."

"Plus, it's getting better," Emily said optimistically.

Hanna flashed her a questioning look. "I hate to know what it was like in the beginning then."

"She's not that bad. Trust me."

Hanna frowned playfully. "You're asking for a lot."

"Well, I never ask for anything, so you should appease me," Emily replied as she sat back down next to Hanna.

"If I must!" Hanna agreed dramatically. "Anyways, you were about to tell me about some risqué photo session in your near future," she added with a wink.

Emily felt her face flush. "I never said I was doing it."

"I think Maya would lose it," Hanna replied, nudging Emily with her elbow to tease her, which only made Emily blush more. "And when do I get to meet this photographer you're hiding? Maybe she can do some headshots for me," she said, puckering her lips and flashing a pose for Emily before they broke into laughter together.

That night, her room cleaned and her makeup freshly done, Emily sat down to her computer, awaiting her and Maya's scheduled "date." Hanna had taken off about an hour earlier, begging her to join her at a party later. Emily had promised to try but had hoped that by the time she finished talking to Maya, it would be too late to go out.

As for Maya, the last few weeks had been hard coordinating their schedules, and they'd only have a few conversations that lasted more than a few minutes. Since their talk that night outside the coffee shop, Emily didn't mention anything else about visiting each other to Maya, quietly hoping she could figure out how to make it happen it on her own.

However, Emily had been looking forward to this all week, hoping that being able to see each other's faces, even if it was through a computer screen, would bring them closer. Over their past conversations, things had occasionally become awkward and even uncomfortable at times as if they weren't connecting the same way, understanding each other's jokes, or seeing eye to eye. It had been weighing heavily on Emily's heart recently, and while she had considered talking to Jessica about it, she decided that she'd rather just process it on her own and hope it was a passing phase that couples faced when they were dealing with this kind of distance from one another. She had set her sights on the time when they would fall into this steady rhythm that it seemed Jessica and Wyatt had already achieved.

The window clicked open on her screen to chat with Maya, and Emily smiled instantly when she saw Maya's face. Her eyes were bright and her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. Emily thought to herself that she looked as beautiful as ever.

"Hey!" Emily said with a broad smile before she realized what was going on.

There was a loud beat of music filling the room Maya was in. Emily could see a few people passing back and forth behind her, and she realized that Maya wasn't alone. She felt her stomach twisting.

"Hey! I'm so sorry. This all just kind of happened," Maya explained, referring to the party around her. Her voice sounded apologetic, but her amused grin as she glanced at her friends didn't.

"Um, it's okay. Do you want to do this later?" Emily asked hopefully, thinking maybe once the party cleared out, she could finally have some time with Maya.

"I can't. I promised Nick I'd be at his rager later." Nick was obviously someone important enough not to require an explanation, like Emily was supposed to say, of course, Nick. She hated feeling like Maya's life was filled with a million new people she didn't know, or worse, whom she was starting to fear maybe didn't even know about her.

"Oh," Emily said, nodding.

"How are you?" Maya half shouted over the music.

Emily tried to hold it together. After all, Maya could see her face. The only thing that could make this worse would be to do something, like roll her eyes or frown or tear up, to piss Maya off. Maya had seemed more irritable these days, as if Emily's requests to talk were more like annoying demands she couldn't conform to.

Emily forced a smile. "I'm good. First meet is coming up soon. I think I've got a relay spot," Emily told her. After practice that morning, Coach had pulled her aside to let her know how impressed she was, and it had felt so good. She had been so excited to tell Maya about it, but she hardly seemed able to convey that under the circumstances.

"Cool. That's what you wanted, right?" Maya asked sweetly.

Emily felt her heart sink. It didn't matter how sincere Maya sounded. There was something about the way she said those words that made it seem like somehow, in that last few weeks, what she wanted and what Maya wanted had somehow become completely disparate things.

"Yeah. It is."

Emily could tell Maya was a little bit drunk. Her eyes kept darting around her, distracted by the swarms of people that kept passing into view. She'd shout out responses to them every few moments.

Emily noticed that there was something about her that was different, the way she was wearing her hair now, maybe a different eye shadow. It was like all the things she had memorized about Maya were either fading or changing, and Emily wasn't completely sure which truth was more painful.

As she looked closer, she noticed that Maya was wearing a new necklace, one that decidedly wasn't the one Emily had given her for Christmas last winter, one that Maya always used to have around her neck no matter what she was wearing.

When Maya's friends spoke to her, Emily noticed she was smiling in this way that went all to her eyes. Slowly, what Emily was realizing was that Maya looked happy. And Emily felt a pit in her stomach, knowing all this happiness wasn't because of her.

Another girl drunkenly lurched into view of the camera, snaking an arm around Maya's waist.

"Come on, lovebird. The party needs you," the girl insisted, pulling Maya away from the computer screen.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay, Em?" Maya shouted, blowing her a kiss.

Normally, Emily would have found the gesture sweet and endearing, but it all seemed empty compared to everything else happening around Maya. Emily tried to smile, but she couldn't. It didn't matter though. Maya wasn't looking any longer anyway.

The other girl that was pulling Maya away reached out and closed the computer screen before Emily could say anything in response.

After finishing up the essay and the Economics paper, Paige had texted Pru to see what she was doing. The last thing Paige wanted was to head home after how she'd acted around Emily earlier, so she had stayed at the library, even through dinner, hoping she wouldn't have to see her again that night.

All day, Pru had already been scheming a way to see Jacob and when Paige texted her saying she needed a drink, Pru slyly called up Jacob on the ruse of seeing if he knew any parties going on. It turned out that he and a few of his friends were heading to one in an apartment building off campus, and Pru let him know that they would see him there.

Now, standing in the middle of the apartment of someone she didn't know, Paige was trying to drown out the image of Emily from earlier, the feel of Emily's hand on her arm, with another rum and coke. Every time her mind had drifted back to it while she was at the library, it made her feel dizzy all over again. It had now gotten to the point that Paige was finally admitting to herself this effect Emily had on her wasn't going to just disappear. To her dismay, day by day, it only seemed to intensify.

As she stood around with Pru and a few others, Collin walked over and asked her to dance with him. She nodded in agreement, handing her drink to Pru and letting him take her hand as he led her towards what had become the dance floor. They were a foot apart at first as Paige let the music run through her, her hips swaying to the sound, but eventually, Collin lifted a hand and rested it on Paige's waist, moving closer to her until their bodies were almost touching. Normally, Paige would have felt weird about it, she would have found an excuse to get out of it, she would have pulled away in search of Pru or another drink. But tonight, thanks to the alcohol, she didn't feel much of anything at all. She'd never been more grateful to be so numb.

On the other end of campus, Emily wrapped her arms around her body, trying to stay warm in the chilly night air as she made her way to the west end of campus. After talking with Maya, Emily had decided to slip into her best dress and walk over on her own to the party Hanna had begged her to come to, not wanting to sit in her room the rest of the night thinking about things with Maya, fighting off tears. After what happened, her heart had been aching until she was practically nauseous, and she had to get out before it broke her apart.

Emily had found the party easily, with the loud booming beat of music emanating from the house. Once inside, Emily meandered through the crowd of people, none of whom she recognized, in search of Hanna. When Emily finally found her, she was in the kitchen next to a table covered in liquor bottles, some empty, some nearly so.

"Emily! You came!" Hanna squealed, her eyes lighting up as she hugged Emily. Hanna's eyes were a touch glazed over, and Emily could tell she'd been knocking back drinks for a while now.

When Hanna released her, Emily forced a smile and reached for a bottle of vodka from the table, pouring herself a couple shots worth into a red plastic cup.

"How's Maya?" Hanna asked winking. Hanna had made more than a few suggestive jokes about what Emily and Maya would be doing using the video chat on the computer. Apparently, while Hanna surely wouldn't remember how to get home later, right now, she remembered Emily's plans for the night.

Emily shrugged off the question, not even wanting to evoke any more jokes that earlier had made her blush, but now, would only make her feel sick.

"Are there any more mixers?" Emily asked as her eyes scanned across the table and saw a few empty bottles of soda and juice scattered about.

"You wouldn't believe it," Hanna griped. "They ran out like an hour ago."

Emily nodded, considering Hanna's words, before lifting the glass and downing the vodka in one long swig. She felt it burn going down her throat, but she didn't care. Right now, she would take anything not to think about what happened early, not to think about Maya acting like a stranger, not to think about some other girl's arm around her waist.

"Someone came to party!" Lenny shouted as she sashayed into the kitchen, seeing Emily finish the shot and set the cup back down onto the table. Lenny was possibly even more intoxicated than Hanna and was carrying as many jello shots in her hands as she could hold. She handed three each to Hanna and Emily.

"I love these!" Hanna shouted over the heavy noise, as the three girls swallowed the shots.

"Come on. Let's dance!" Lenny announced, and the girls began making their way out of the kitchen, just as a tall guy was making his way in carrying a six-pack.

"Found some beer in the back. Anyone want one?" he asked, holding it up for everyone.

"She does!" Lenny told him before grabbing a bottle and shoving it into Emily's hand. "You have some catching up to do," she said, winking, before pulling Hanna and Emily out towards the living room.

Emily took a swig from her beer and followed the two girls out, thankful that they were both inebriated. She knew that at this point, neither of them would be able to tell something was wrong. And at least, for tonight, she wanted to pretend that was the case.

Some time after 2am, Paige heard the dorm room door unlock. Even though she had gotten home an hour ago and slipped into bed quickly, with all the alcohol she'd had, by now, she had only settled into a shallow sleep.

She opened her eyes, and the room was completely black. Faintly, she saw Emily's shadow moving through the room. She was wearing a dress that Paige couldn't make out the color of, could only see it moving in the dark as Emily walked. Paige saw her take a misstep and steady herself on the desk as Paige realized she must have been drunk. It was a weird feeling, seeing Emily in this state, and it surprised Paige. Emily seemed so put together all of the time, and it wasn't that Paige didn't think she drank, but there was something about Emily's movements tonight that made it seem like things weren't right. Paige couldn't help but wonder if something had happened. Part of her wanted to get out of bed and help her, but she knew it wasn't her place.

As Emily made her way to her desk, Paige could barely make her out in the dark, but she watched as Emily leaned over to take off her heels and set her purse down, reaching for her pajamas from her dresser drawer. Paige knew Emily must have thought she was asleep, or possibly hadn't even noticed she was home, because before long, Emily had reached behind her back and unzipped her dress. Paige held her breath, telling herself to close her eyes, but she couldn't. Emily let the straps off her shoulders one by one, and let her dress drop to the floor. Paige's eyes gazed at the sight, feeling her body buzzing lower down than she would ever have admitted to.

In the dark, it was just the outline of Emily's body, just the lines of her legs and the curve of her hips and the slenderness of her back. Paige couldn't see anything more than that, but even that... just that… she was so beautiful it hurt. As she watched, Emily slid on her sweat pants and a t-shirt and within a moment, the shadow of her body was hidden once again.

Feeling dizzy, Paige closed her eyes, willing the world to stop spinning and telling herself that it must just be the alcohol that had made everything inside of her feel completely off kilter.

But she could only wish she was a better liar.