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Chapter Nine
Paige awoke to the sound of her alarm clock beeping with a painful headache and a feeling like she had hardly slept at all. Pulling herself up, she glanced over and saw Emily curled up in her bed, her eyes closed, still fast asleep. All of a sudden as Paige's eyes scanned Emily's face, the memory of the middle of the night came back to her of when Emily had returned home, and Paige felt her stomach flutter all over again. Turning away and trying to forget the image, Paige pulled on her sweats quietly and grabbed her keys so that she could brush her teeth in the bathroom and run down to the dining hall in search of hydration and something to ease her pounding head.
When she returned to the dorm room a few minutes later, she noticed that Emily still hadn't moved from bed. She contemplated what to do. If they didn't leave in the next five minutes, they'd be late for practice, and she could hardly leave without her. Paige eventually crossed the room to Emily's bed and leaned over, clumsily reaching out her hand to touch Emily's shoulder.
"Emily?" Paige said softly, trying to wake her gently.
"Hm, Maya?" Emily murmured as she began to stir.
"It's Paige," Paige told her awkwardly as Emily finally opened her eyes. Their gazes met, and Emily looked suddenly embarrassed and uneasy, as if she couldn't quite remember where she was. Emily's dark hair had fallen in her face while she slept, and Paige felt this sudden urge to brush it out of her eyes.
Instead, Paige let her hand drop from Emily's shoulder and back to her side. "Um, sorry, it's just. It's time for practice," she told Emily, shrugging.
Paige could tell by the look on Emily's face that she had a serious hangover, though she had started to assume Emily would when she had seen her stumble home. Yet, this morning, there was still something different about Emily's demeanor that Paige noticed was off, something that made her feel like somewhere inside, Emily was hurting. She hated seeing it, but despite it all, she didn't say a word.
Emily pulled herself upright, groggily rubbing her eyes. "Right. Thanks."
Paige noticed that Emily's makeup was still partly on from the night before and that right now, Emily was only smudging it with her hands. Paige couldn't help but find it endearing, as she went back to her side of the room to pack her swim bag.
When Emily finally got out of bed and dressed, Paige crossed back over to her and held out a water and a bottle of Advil.
"Thought you might need this," Paige told her. When Emily flashed her a confused expression, Paige continued. "I heard you come in pretty late last night," she said, fidgeting, afraid Emily would realize that Paige had been awake when she was changing, that she had seen her. Then again, after how Paige had acted towards her, it was probably the last thing to cross Emily's mind.
"Did I wake you? I'm so sorry," Emily replied, frowning apologetically.
"No, it's…" Paige stumbled for her words. "I'm a light sleeper."
"Thank you," Emily said, motioning to the items in her hand, and Paige could tell that she meant it.
"It's no big," Paige replied with a shrug.
A few moments later, after Emily had swallowed a couple pills and washed her face, and the two had gathered their things, they made the walk to practice, mostly in silence. Unlike most mornings, there was a sense that it wasn't quite as uncomfortable as normal, like some understanding had passed between them in their room. Paige accepted it gratefully, yet, every time she glanced over at Emily next to her, her heart sank, knowing something must have been wrong.
It was still on Paige's mind hours later as she stepped out of class that afternoon with Pru. Throughout practice that morning, Emily had been dragging, and while Paige felt the exhaustion from too much alcohol as well, whenever she kept glancing over at Emily, she had seen the pain on her face that told her something more was behind her sluggishness.
"Can we talk about you and Collin last night?" Pru piped in excitedly just as they got outside into the shining sunlight. She had a broad smile on her face.
Paige lifted a hand to shade he eyes, cursing herself for having forgotten her sunglasses that morning. "What's there to talk about?" she asked casually, feeling guilty for having felt like Pru was just this intrusion on her thoughts she hoped would disappear.
"You guys were all over each other," Pru replied with a smirk.
Paige rolled her eyes out of sight of Pru. She knew she hadn't had nearly enough to drink to not remember the night before, and while looking back, she regretted spending that much time with Collin, she felt like Pru was being overly dramatic about the situation.
"We were dancing," Paige clarified in a stern voice.
"He is so into you," Pru squealed. "I can't believe he hasn't asked you out yet."
Paige sighed, as she realized she hadn't even mentioned what happened at the other party to Pru, mostly because it didn't mean anything to her. Unfortunately, it clearly meant something to Pru.
"He did," Paige replied softly.
"What? What did you say?" Pru replied, eyes lighting up as she grabbed Paige's arm and stopped them in place.
Paige shook her head. "I said I was too busy."
"You're kidding, right?" Pru asked in complete shock.
"No, Pru. And I really don't need you railing on me about it," Paige told her harshly as she began walking again.
At first, Pru didn't respond, simply falling in to step beside Paige. Finally, she pulled Paige aside and they turned to face each other.
"Is everything okay?" Pru asked, her voice full of concern that made Paige feel guilty for snapping. "Did you and your roommate finally have a blowout or something?"
No." Paige shook her head. "Look, my dad called."
"What'd he say?" Pru asked cautiously. She was the only one who had any real idea how Paige felt towards her father, how their relationship really was, whereas everyone else on the outside looking in saw a perfect dad and his perfect daughter.
"It doesn't matter. I just… I've got a lot on my mind. So can we just drop the Collin thing?" Paige replied pleadingly.
"I'm sorry," Pru said, frowning apologetically. "It's dropped."
Paige nodded her thanks as they fell into step in silence. She could tell that Pru was concerned that something was wrong now, and the truth was that there was something wrong, something wrong with her. Because as silence settled in again, Paige found her thoughts drifting back again to Emily. For as long as Paige could remember, she felt like she'd been fighting some internal war, one she'd been able to keep at bay for years, but slowly, painfully, Paige was starting to accept that when it came to thinking about Emily, it was a battle she just wasn't going to win with herself.
A few days passed, and Emily still hadn't heard back from Maya. After their last talk, Emily had made the conscious choice not to call her herself, hoping that eventually Maya would pick up the phone when she had time so that they could talk through what was happening and reconcile, but it didn't seem to be happening the way Emily had hoped.
It was exactly what made it so painful when Jessica grabbed her arm on her arrival to class, gloating about how beautiful the photos turned out, how Emily had looked gorgeous, how "even with all her clothes on," Maya was going to faint.
"That's great," Emily replied, forcing a smile. "I mean, this will help with your application too, right?" she added, trying to force the subject to change.
"Yeah, definitely," Jessica told her excitedly. "I'm still doing a few edits, but I can drop a few prints by your place before I leave town."
"Oh my god, I can't believe it's already time for you to go," Emily said, as she realized it had come time for Jessica's trip to Charleston.
"I know," Jessica replied, shaking her head in disbelief. "Isn't it crazy that it's October already?"
"Time actually is flying by pretty fast, huh?" Emily admitted, realizing that she had already been at PSU for weeks now, that swim season was fast approaching, that she could almost start counting down until she was home for break with Maya.
Her face must have revealed where her thoughts had gone because Jessica reached out and touched Emily's forearm sympathetically.
"Have you talked to Maya yet about visiting?" she asked sweetly.
Emily shrugged. "Not really. I think I'm going to though," she replied, biting her tongue. She told herself it wasn't a complete lie. Sure, she had mentioned it to Maya weeks ago, but they hadn't really fully discussed the idea.
Jessica nodded in response as the Professor began the lecture and the room fell silent except for his booming voice, allowing Emily's thoughts to drift.
Even though Maya had been opposed to flying out there, over the weeks, Emily had begun to think that maybe it was less of a time issue and more of a money issue. Maya's family had never been super well off, and Emily knew that Maya could be embarrassed by it at times, especially when they lived in Rosewood. She would try to downplay it, come up with reasonable excuses why she couldn't join Emily's friends for a concert in the city or why she preferred her bike over getting a car. Emily thought maybe that was all this was, Maya's pride getting in the way. So, over the last few weeks, Emily had inadvertently started putting some money aside from the stipend her parents would send her. She had been debating whether she should bring it up to Maya again, and if so, when.
It had been weighing on her heavily, but she held on to the fact that Maya might call her soon, that she could bring it up as a sort of anniversary gift, though she was starting to fear that Maya calling her was a futile hope.
Later that day, Emily had curled up on her bed relaxing and letting her mind wander. Over the weeks, despite meeting Jessica and getting to know her friends, Emily had realized that she had started to miss Aria and Spencer. After everything they had been through together over the years, nothing could shake that connection. A few days before, Aria had emailed all of the girls to let them know she and Ezra had moved in to their new place. Since Emily hadn't had a chance to talk to her in weeks, she'd decided to give her a call to see how they were settling in.
Aria had answered right away when Emily called and the excitement in her voice showed that she missed Emily just as much.
"My mom was pretty cool about it," Aria explained, referring to her now living with Ezra.
"And your dad?" Emily asked cautiously.
"He almost had a coronary," Aria revealed, causing Emily to wince. "Also, he sort of threatened to get Ezra fired," she added casually.
"Whoa," Emily replied. She understood where Aria was coming from. While on the outside, their parents were polar opposites, over the last couple of years, as Aria had gotten older, her dad had gotten a lot sterner about how she lived her life. Emily had dealt with the same thing, and while her own parents had finally started to ease up towards the end of senior year of high school, they were still far stricter than the other girls had to put up with.
"He calmed down though," Aria assured her. "Thank god."
"Wow. Sounds like you've had some drama on your hands."
"It's been a crazy few weeks, but it was so worth it."
"How's the new place?" Emily asked. She had been anxiously waiting to find out how their new life together was. It felt like such a huge step compared to where she and Maya were, and she had to admit she was a little jealous that while Aria and Ezra were moving in to the same apartment, she and Maya had moved to opposite coasts.
"It's amazing. I mean, it's nothing special. It's just an apartment, but coming home to him every day. Especially after all that time we spent sneaking around. It's perfect." Aria admitted, and Emily could hear the wistful romantic in her coming out. Despite her own circumstances, it made Emily smile.
"That's awesome, Aria. I'm really happy for you," Emily told her sincerely.
"Thanks, Em. So how are you, big time swimmer?" Aria asked excitedly, and Emily could imagine the big grin on her face.
"I literally think my hair has started to permanently smell like chlorine," she joked, "but it's been going really well. The season hasn't even started, and I've gotten my times down already."
"Well, I never had any doubts. And how's Maya?"
Just her name made Emily's face fall. "Oh. She's great," Emily replied, forcing a smile even though she was on the phone.
"Okay, what's wrong?" Aria replied, her voice filled with concern.
"What do you mean?" Emily asked as she tried to play it off.
"You said she's great, but why do I think that you're not," Aria commented. Emily both appreciated and hated how uncanny her perception could be at times. "What's going on, Em?"
Emily shook her head as the emotion began to flood her body again. "That's the thing. I don't even know, Aria."
"Did something happen?"
"No. Nothing happened. That's what I don't understand. Things are just weird with us."
"Weird, how?" Aria asked cautiously.
Emily sighed as she thought of the last few weeks. "I can barely ever get her on the phone. It's like she's there one day and distant the next. I don't know what I'm doing wrong," she told her sadly, her voice trailing off.
"You're not doing anything wrong, sweetie. It's tough starting college. Maybe she really is just busy," Aria replied, but her encouragement couldn't change weeks of unanswered calls.
"Yeah, too busy getting drunk and high with her new friends," Emily grumbled, before suddenly, she felt regret setting in, as if she knew she had said far more than she should have. "I didn't mean that," she said remorsefully. "I just don't know what to do."
"Have you said these things to her?" Aria asked thoughtfully.
Emily shrugged. "When would I?" she lamented. "I mean, I was thinking that maybe if she came to visit, we could at least talk."
"It's not a bad idea," Aria replied. "Maybe you guys need some face to face time."
"It's not stupid?" Emily asked. After Maya's response the first time she had brought it up to her, she had felt a little dumb for even mentioning it to her to begin with.
"To see each other? You're going to different colleges, not reform school, Em."
"I'll talk to her about it," Emily agreed. "Just don't say anything to the other girls, please," she pleaded, knowing that the barrage of phone calls from Spencer alone, along with Hanna's concern, would be too much right now when she already felt herself cracking.
"I won't. You know that," Aria assured her.
Emily nodded, thankful that she had decided to call Aria. While Emily trusted all of her friends, it was different speaking to her. With everything she had been through with Ezra, Aria understood having discretion about a relationship. Likewise, they both had been in their relationships for about the same amount of time, and they seemed to have an unspoken understanding about what it meant to each of them in a way that circumstances just hadn't allowed Spencer or Hanna to comprehend.
"Thanks, Aria."
"I'm always here to talk, okay?" Aria offered.
"I know."
After they said goodbye, promising to talk again soon, Emily opened up her last text messages and started writing one out to Maya, hoping that if she gave her the chance, she would call.
Can you let me know when you can talk? she typed, simple and short.
It felt terrible knowing that she felt awkward saying anything more than that to her own girlfriend. She sighed, putting the phone away and reaching for her textbooks, hoping that drowning herself in her studies would at least distract her for the rest of the night.
Later that week, Paige made her way over to The Hub where all of the student groups had their offices. The day before, Paige had finally put the finishing touches on her PSIA application and decided to drop it off before the due date at her father's discretion. She spent a few minutes chatting with the President of the group while she was there, and though he didn't review her application on the spot, through their conversation, Paige could tell he seemed impressed with her achievements. She felt confident she would be accepted to the group, but she still wasn't sure whether that was something she really wanted.
However, right now, it was something else she could add to her list of things to help keep her mind away from the distraction back at home. Over the last few days since Emily had come home drunk, Paige saw her spirits fluctuate, as if something was still eating at her. A couple of times, Paige had considered asking, but she knew that Emily had friends she could talk to, and Paige wasn't one of them. Still, it didn't change the fact that Emily's pain had gotten inside of her.
After leaving The Hub, Paige grabbed a sandwich to take home and headed back to Brumbaugh. She and Emily had come into a sort of routine about their swimming schedules so much so that Emily's texts had started to taper off. Paige knew she always went to the pool on Wednesday afternoon, and Paige usually took the time to get some studying done at the dorm before meeting up with Pru for dinner.
Just as Paige arrived home, set her bag down on her desk, and pulled out her Econ book to catch up on her reading, she heard a light tapping on the door. She stood up and moved to the door, wondering at first if perhaps Emily had misplaced her keys. It was pretty atypical for them to have people stopping by, and Pru wasn't one to make the trek across campus unless Paige was expecting her.
Paige pulled open the door and on the other side was a shorter girl with dark cropped hair and bright blue eyes that she recognized as one of Emily's friends that she had seen her hanging out with around campus a few times.
"Is Emily here?" the girl asked, peeking around Paige.
Paige shook her head. "No, she's at the pool still I think."
"I'm Jessica. I just came to drop these by," the girl explained as she held up a thin manila envelope. "Can you give them to her?"
"Yeah. Sure," Paige replied, curiously taking the envelope from her hand.
"Thanks," Jessica said as she spun on her feet and retreated.
Paige closed the door softly behind her and carried the envelope back over the Emily's desk where she set it on top of Emily's closed laptop.
Moving back to her own desk, Paige flipped open her Econ book to the chapter they'd been studying that week and tried to focus on the material. As she sat there, her eyes kept looking up towards the envelope, wondering what possibly could be in it before her curiosity got the best of her, and she stood back up and moved to Emily's desk. Looking at it again, she saw that it hadn't been sealed, and carefully, her heart pounding, she began to open it, reaching her hand in and pulling out the contents.
Her heart caught in her throat as she saw the first page staring back at her. It was a photograph of Emily, leaning up against a building on campus Paige thought she might have recognized. Her head was tilted down, with her dark hair framed beautifully around her face, and she was laughing. Slowly, Paige went through the stack of photographs, carefully examining each one, noticing the way Emily's lips curled when she smiled or how her eyes seemed to sparkle. Paige couldn't deny how captivated she was with Emily, and right now, she couldn't seem to take her eyes off of her.
When she finally reached the last image, Paige noticed there was a post-it affixed to the back. She turned it over and read the short message scribbled on the yellow paper.
This one should be for Maya. You look stunning!
Paige shook her head at herself. Maya. As if she needed another reminder of this mystery girl, this person Emily was clearly smitten with, someone who was lucky enough to receive even one of these photos of Emily, someone who was able to claim Emily as her own. Something, despite everything she was realizing about herself, about how she felt for Emily, about her own heart, Paige knew that she could never have.
Paige took one last look at the photographs, trying to memorize each frame, before sliding them back into the envelope the way she found them and setting it down on Emily's desk. Sadly, she realized, it was probably the only time she would ever get to see them, or worse, see Emily smiling like that up close.
The next night, Emily and Jessica met up for one last supper together before her weekend trip to Charleston to see Wyatt. It wasn't until now, sitting across from her in a booth at Findlay, that Emily realized that she was truly going to miss her. While Emily had exchanged numbers with a few of Jessica's high school friends that she had gotten to know, it was nothing like getting to call up Jessica to grab a random meal or hang out at her dorm at any hour, especially with how busy Hanna had become with Kappa Delta. It was only a few days, but Emily knew it would feel like much longer.
"Thank you so much for the photos," Emily told Jessica appreciatively. "I can't even believe how good you made me look," she added, shaking her head in amazement.
Emily had noticed the photos on her desk in the envelope when she had gotten home late the night before after swimming. Paige had already been in bed, and she had looked over them with the help of her desk lamp so she wouldn't disturb her. Admittedly, she had known Jessica was talented, but she had no idea she would love the photographs so much.
"Trust me, you make it easy," Jessica insisted. "But I'm glad you got them. I thought the messenger might trash them before you got home," she added rolling her eyes.
Emily's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "The messenger?"
"I had the pleasure of meeting your roommate," Jessica replied sarcastically.
"Paige? She wouldn't do that," Emily contended, shaking her head.
For some reason, Emily had begun to feel defensive of Paige now. Sure, she and Paige still weren't really talking, but she had, at moments, seen a different side of her, seen someone who was sensitive and kind.
Now, Emily felt guilty for even mentioning the whole thing that happened between them on the first day to Jessica. Because now, whereas Jessica saw Paige as someone to loathe, Emily just didn't have the heart to. In fact, it seemed that every day, there was something else about Paige that drew Emily in, that made her curious, that made her care about her; and while admittedly, Paige had done a few small random acts of kindness, it didn't seem like nearly enough to explain to Emily why she actually felt that way towards her, and Emily still hadn't been able to figure out a reason behind it.
Instead of focusing on it, Emily changed the subject away from Paige and back to Jessica's visit with Wyatt and all the things they had planned for the weekend. A couple of hours later, Emily and Jessica finally parted way, hugging each other tightly, and Emily wishing Jessica a safe trip to the South.
As Friday night arrived, Emily considered mournfully the fact that she still hadn't heard from Maya, that even her text message had gone unanswered, and she decided that if she wanted to sort this out, it seemed that she was going to have to call Maya herself.
Thinking back to the last couple of months since school had begun, it felt like right from the start, things had begun to unravel between them. The number of times they were talking had begun to taper off almost immediately until now it had gotten to the point that it was barely happening at all. Most days, Emily's calls would go to voicemail and the times she would answer, Maya seemed annoyed that Emily was trying to reach her, would say she was busy, would get off the phone quickly.
Regretfully, for a while, Emily had only tried calling more, which she realized quickly was only making everything even worse, but she didn't know what to do. She had begun to feel desperate, like a rug was slowly being ripped out from under her, and she was doing anything she could to hold onto whatever threads of material she could grasp in her hands. She had given Maya a few days without calling in hopes that it would change something, but she only felt Maya slipping away more, and nothing she could do seemed to be changing it.
Picking up the phone, Emily paced across the room before finally taking a deep breath and dialing Maya's number. It rang three times before Maya finally picked up.
"Hello?" Maya said, as if she hadn't checked the caller id and had not a clue who was calling her.
"Hey. It's me." Emily replied, taking a seat on the bed in hopes of calming her nerves, nerves she knew it wasn't right to have when calling someone you'd been in a relationship with for this long.
"Oh. Hey, Emily," Maya said casually. "What's up?"
Emily frowned, sensing in Maya's voice that she was speaking to her like she was just any another person.
"Nothing," Emily said, shrugging involuntarily. "I just. I wanted to talk to you about some stuff. Do you have time?"
"Yeah. I have time," Maya agreed, and Emily suddenly felt nervous again. She swallowed hard.
"How are you?" Emily asked anxiously.
"Good. You?"
"I wasn't sure I'd catch you. You always seem busy on Friday nights," Emily answered, trying futilely to make light of it.
"It's only 4 here," Maya countered.
"Right."
"How's swimming?" Maya asked, softer now, gentler. "You said you have a relay spot."
"Yeah," Emily replied, feeling a touch of relief setting in. "Coach hasn't announced it yet for sure, but it's looking really good. My roommate and I, Coach is kind of pushing us both to the max."
"That's great for you," Maya told her sweetly. "I knew you'd do well."
"Thanks," Emily said softly, noticing that the energy in Maya's voice was different than it used to be when Emily would tell her about her accomplishments. It made her chest ache, but she tried to push the feeling away. "How are your music classes?"
"I've been writing a lot more, which is rad," Maya explained. "Me and a few of the guys I've been playing with are thinking of seeing if we can get a few coffee shop gigs or something."
"That's awesome, Maya," Emily replied sincerely. "I'm really proud of you."
Emily shifted when she didn't hear Maya respond right away.
"So, um, what did you want to talk about?" Maya finally asked, and Emily could sense the discomfort in her voice. She wondered how this could have possibly gotten so awkward, talking to someone you've known for two years, who you've kissed and touched and loved.
"I have to have a reason to call you?" Emily tried to joke.
"No, you just said that you did," Maya replied, and Emily could hear the traces of annoyance she'd gotten so used to hearing begin to resurface in her voice.
"Okay," Emily started, swallowing hard. "Well, it's our anniversary coming up."
"I know," Maya replied casually.
Emily felt herself fidget uncomfortably. "I thought maybe we could see each other."
"How are we going to do that?" Maya asked doubtfully.
"I just thought maybe you could come visit next weekend," Emily suggested nervously.
"I told you I can't come, Emily," Maya replied, her annoyance now clearly obvious in her voice.
"I know what you said, but I just thought…"
"You thought what?" Maya demanded.
"I saved up some money, and I thought if I took care of your ticket," Emily answered softly.
"I don't need your pity money, Emily."
"I wasn't," Emily started, stumbling over her words. "I just wanted you to be able to visit."
"You think that's what this is about? Money?" Maya challenged, her voice filled with irritation.
"I don't know. You won't talk to me," Emily admitted, feeling herself starting to fumble, falling apart, trying to hold on to something she couldn't even define anymore. "What's going on, Maya?"
Maya sighed heavily. "I think maybe we didn't think this through enough. Maybe this was a bad idea. Trying to do this."
"Do what?" Emily wondered nervously.
"I just don't think this is working."
"What do you mean?" Emily asked hesitantly, feeling her stomach clenching inside of her in a panic.
"I mean us, Emily," Maya replied firmly. "It's not working anymore."
"How can you say this isn't working?" Emily whimpered. "I have been trying so hard to make this work."
"It's not working for me anymore."
Emily felt a lump form in her throat, felt her chest aching, felt her whole body going numb.
"Is this about that girl?" Emily accused angrily. That image of the girl wrapping her arm around Maya's waist had been with her since that night, creeping into her thoughts. She hadn't been able to dismiss it, always feeling nausea setting in as she pictured it again and again.
"What girl?" Maya asked defensively.
"That girl who was all over you."
"Coral?" Maya asked incredulously.
Emily scoffed. "Really? Coral? What kind of name is that anyway?"
"Coral is not into me like that, Emily," Maya insisted.
"How do you know?" Emily countered. "Is she into girls?"
"Yeah, but what does that matter?" Maya countered.
"It matters, okay?" Emily asserted, feeling her body tensing up.
"We're friends, Emily," Maya snapped. "I'm not interrogating you about your friends."
"You don't even know who my friends are!" Emily shouted angrily. It was the first time their entire relationship that she could remember reaching that tone with Maya, the first time she'd ever felt so angry, so frantic. Feeling remorseful, Emily took a deep breath and tried to gather herself. "Look, I'm sorry. Can't we just talk about this?" she begged.
"There's nothing to talk about, Emily," Maya dismissed.
"I don't understand," Emily replied, her voice starting to quiver with emotion as tears began to well up in her eyes. "Nothing's changed. I haven't changed."
"Maybe I have," Maya replied calmly.
"Maya. Look, I can stop calling so much," Emily pleaded desperately. "I can give you some space. I've just had a really hard time with this whole thing, but I can do this."
There was a beat of silence on the line as Emily waited for her to answer.
"I'm sorry. I can't," Maya said softly, without a touch of emotion in her voice.
Emily felt all the air go out of her lungs, until she couldn't breathe. Tears began streaming down her cheeks. She tried to hide it, but she was sure Maya could hear her through the phone line.
"I should go," Maya added finally. Emily could hear in her voice how uncomfortable she felt, how much she wanted to end this call, how much she wanted to get away, and it made Emily feel completely empty inside. Emily realized that this person who once consumed her life, this person she had spent two years loving, that she didn't even know who this person was anymore.
"Wait. Maya, please, just talk to me," Emily begged through broken sobs, hoping Maya would at least let her speak, at least let her explain, remind her how much she loved her, how much they loved each other.
For a long moment, Emily could only hear her breathing, until finally, Maya whispered, "Bye, Emily."
Emily heard the line click off.
She dropped the phone next to her and curled up in the corner of the bed, wrapping her arms around her legs as her body wrenched with sobbing she couldn't control. As the tears spilled from her eyes and down her face, she felt as though every piece of her was shattering.
She couldn't believe it could be that simple, that it could happen that easily, that you could blink and when you opened your eyes, what you thought you had could be gone.
Because just like that, they were over.
Hours later, Emily heard a key in the door. She hadn't even realized how much time had passed and checked her phone to see that it was about the hour Paige usually returned. Emily had meant to collect herself before Paige came home, maybe call up Hanna and see if she could stay there, but she remembered it was Friday, the night of their sorority dances, and she wasn't even sure if she was ready to talk about it to Hanna. She would want a play by play, a where did things go wrong description, would want Emily to talk it out and she knew she would simply end up crying for even longer.
Desperately, Emily tried to wipe her tears from her eyes and find a way to hide the pain her face as she heard the door creak open.
"Hey," Paige said as she stepped into the dorm room, seeing Emily seated on her bed, her legs curled up under her. The room was dimly lit, with only the soft glow of Emily's lamp illuminating the room as night had long since set in outside.
"Hey." Emily's voice cracked a little, and Paige couldn't help but notice.
Paige crossed the room, unloading her keys and setting her bag down on her desk. When she looked up at Emily again, she saw that her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained with tears.
"Are you okay?" Paige asked cautiously, feeling her body tighten just seeing Emily so distraught.
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm…fine," Emily murmured, even though to Paige, it was clearly not the case.
Paige frowned. "By the size of that pile of tissues, I think maybe you're not fine," she pointed out softly.
She felt like all week she had been avoiding the fact that something was bothering Emily, and she hadn't said a thing. But now, it was right there in front of her, and she couldn't ignore it.
Slowly, Emily began to cry once again, tears falling insistently from her eyes.
"Maya," Emily choked out between sobs. "We broke up."
Paige watched Emily try to wipe away the tears pouring from her eyes, and her chest began to ache for her. Instinctively, Paige moved across the room and sat down on Emily's bed beside her, turning her gaze to look at Emily who was trying so hard to hold herself together.
"I'm really sorry," Paige told her sympathetically. "That doesn't make it any better, but I am."
Emily nodded but continued to cry, and Paige felt like her own heart was cracking at the sight of her sadness. She lifted her hand up and settled it on the small of Emily's back to comfort her.
Emily took a deep breath, gathering herself, before shaking her head in confusion. "I just don't get. I don't know what I did."
Paige's brow rose. "She broke it off?" she asked in disbelief, realizing right then that it was the last thing she had expected to have happened.
"Yeah," Emily replied, nodding.
Paige shook her head as she handed Emily another tissue. "Well, she's an idiot," she said vehemently, drawing Emily's surprised gaze. "I mean, seriously. She is."
Paige could hardly control what she was saying, but she didn't really want to. She admitted she knew nothing about Maya, didn't know anything about her besides her name and what she looked like, but Paige could hardly believe that the other girl had broken up with Emily, that she would deliberately put her through this kind of pain. Even more, she couldn't fathom a reason why someone who already had Emily's heart would want to let something like that go.
"Then why am I the one here crying?" Emily finally asked sadly, her voice quivering again.
Next to her, Paige watched Emily struggling to compose herself, pushing her hair behind her ear and trying to wipe the tears from her eyes before they streaked down her cheeks.
"Look, I have an idea," Paige said as she stood to her feet, drawing Emily's eyes to her. "I am going to run out and grab a funny movie and a ton of ice cream, and when I get back, we are going to laugh, and you're not going to think about her, ok?"
Emily's face softened as she looked at Paige. "You don't have to do that," she said softly.
"Don't argue," Paige replied, shaking her head. "This is the one excuse you get to down as much ice cream as possible. So what's your poison?"
Emily's lips curled into a small smile, and Paige felt relieved to finally see it. "Phish food."
Paige smiled, laughing a little. "You would," she said as she felt the warmth of Emily's gaze on her. "All right, give me half an hour," she told Emily before grabbing her keys and darting out the door.
As she made her way down the stairs, Paige pulled out her cell and texted Pru, canceling their plans for the night so she could spend it with Emily. Pushing open the first floor door and heading out into the night, Paige acknowledged to herself that every move she had made the last several weeks had been to avoid a night like this, to avoid spending this much time around Emily, to maintain a distance. But she told herself, tonight, this wasn't about her, it was about Emily. And Paige knew she couldn't just sit back and watch as Emily's heart was breaking.