Hi dolls :) Sorry once again for the delay, but thanks for sticking around :) This one took forever, mainly because it's the longest chapter so far, but it felt weird splitting any of it up. I ended up really liking this one, so I hope you all find it worth the wait.
So here we go. On to chapter 13... How'd that happen already? Well, crazy enough, I think I'm only somewhere between 1/4th and 1/3rd of the way through this story. I hope that's okay with everyone? I know it's slow, but most people seem all right with that, and I think the payoff will be big. Think of it as a book. God, it'll probably be that long.
Also, how'd everyone like the premiere? I won't spoil anything if anybody hasn't gotten to see it yet, but I am curious to see how Emily's story plays out this season.
Lastly, just wanted to say that the next chapter will not be up for another week. I've got a busy few days ahead, but things ease up soon, so hopefully I'll have some faster updates for you then.
Tanuki Ra: Thank you so much! And if you are a nerd, I am definitely one since I'm the one writing this ;) But nerds are great, don't you think? :)
spikedwatermelon: the video! thank you so much for the link :) made my day...week perhaps? :)
Gmac62: Your heartfelt thanks is all I need :) :) I am happy entertaining you.
shkatspeare: Thank you so much! It means a lot to me when people leave a review. It makes this whole thing worth writing :) :)
Also, which one of you lovelies rec'd my fic? :) Super sweet.
And to the rest of you who have left me a review, you are all amazing! And why I keep writing :)
Now, for the story...
Chapter Thirteen
The warm October sun beat down overhead as the two girls made their way across campus Monday morning. Emily savored the feeling of the warmth knowing that soon this Indian summer would pass, and the chill of the approaching winter would be arriving soon. In fact, she was savoring everything she felt right then as she and Paige walked side by side, joking around and laughing as they tried to calm each other's nerves before their first midterm that morning.
Emily thought back to earlier that morning. She and Paige had both risen early and headed through the morning darkness to get in a few laps before a strenuous practice. The entire Natatorium had been so eerily quiet, and while it wasn't so unfamiliar, there was something about being in the space with Paige, listening to just the muffled sounds of their movements through the water, that had been different, invigorating.
For most of her life, Emily had been surrounded by people who didn't understand why she loved the feeling of the water rushing around her, why she loved the burn it left in her limbs, why she loved that you could never tell if you were in the lead so that it always felt like the one person you were racing was yourself. She had never before been close with another swimmer, and the bond she felt to Paige because of it was undeniable. It was as though there was an unspoken understanding between them that spread from childhood dreams to that indescribable feeling that being in the pool was somehow like being home. They never had to explain it to each other. They both just knew.
Eventually, after exhausting from laps, they had ended up spending the last half an hour at the diving pool instead, playing some sort of game of chicken to see who would go off higher and higher platforms, laughing at each other as Emily tried to dramatically recreate those graceful dives while Paige made the biggest cannonballs she possibly could.
At one point, Emily had found herself bravely climbing the high set of stairs to find herself 10 meters above the pool. Stepping across to the edge and finally looking down, she'd realized just how high she was and had thought that the idea of trying to prove herself to Paige might not turn out as planned.
"Not so high, huh?" Paige had teased from the ground.
Emily had smiled, shaking her head. "How the hell do they jump from up here?" Emily asked in shock as she leaned over the edge before deciding to plop down, sitting with her legs hanging over the side of the diving platform.
Paige had laughed from the ground as she had started making her way the stairs. When she'd reached the top, she'd crossed over and sat down next to Emily, her legs hanging over the same way. Their bodies were both still dripping with water from the pool, and as their shoulders brushed, Emily had felt her skin prickle with goosebumps.
"Kind of feels like the top of the world up here, huh?" Paige had said.
Emily had turned her head to Paige who was looking out over the stadium, across the bleachers and the endless lanes. Paige's hair, like Emily's, was pulled back in a swim cap still, allowing Emily to see the lines of her face, her cheekbones, the length of her neck.
"You should do it," Paige had told her as she turned her head to face Emily.
"Huh?" Emily had asked absently just as her eyes were settling on Paige's mouth.
"Just go for it," Paige'd added encouragingly as she motioned with her eyes towards the water.
"Oh." Emily forced her gaze away from Paige. "I don't know," Emily had replied, laughing nervously, her eyes going to her lap and then to the pool thirty feet below. For a moment, she wondered what it would feel like to free-fall like that, to feel the air whipping around you, not knowing when you'd hit the water. It would feel like flying, she had thought. "I'd probably just get hurt," she'd added, playfully rolling her eyes.
Paige had released an amused dry laugh. Emily tilted her head again to look over at her. Both of them were in their matching navy practice Speedos with the Lions emblem on the corner, both their heads covered in the same navy swim caps, their bodies different, but still exactly the same height. She thought for a moment that to someone else, they probably looked like two pees in a pod. Emily smiled at the thought, thinking that maybe that's exactly what they were. It had started to feel that way at least.
Next to her, Paige must have noticed her lips curl. "What?" she'd asked with a laugh.
Just as Emily had been considering what to say, if she actually wanted to reveal the thoughts she'd just had, a door to the Natatorium suddenly swung open and the Diving Team appeared.
"Shit!" Paige had muttered with a laugh as she stood up, reaching for Emily's arm to pull her up with her. "Come on."
Giggling, Emily stood quickly. They raced down the steps just before the team had made it over to that side of the stadium and had sprinted straight for the locker room, laughing together. They'd collapsed against their lockers, still laughing as their teammates filtered in for practice , wondering what was so funny.
Now hours later, after they'd endured a long practice, Paige and Emily, realizing their classes weren't too far apart, had decided to walk together straight from the Natatorium to their classes. When they finally reached Emily's building, they slowed to a stop turning to each other
"Do you want to have lunch later?" Paige asked sweetly.
Emily smiled at the offer. "I would, but you have a pretty full table as far as I remember," she replied teasingly. "And I haven't seen Jessica since her trip. Plus, I should probably let her know what happened," she added with a slight frown, referring to everything that happened with Maya just a few days before.
Paige nodded. "Another time."
"Absolutely," Emily agreed, smiling.
Before they finally parted ways, they wished each other luck on their tests and promised to see each other at home later. Making her way up the steps of the building, Emily took one more glance back, seeing Paige disappear into the crowd.
As she reached the top of the steps, Emily saw that Jessica had been waiting outside. Her thin frame was leaning against the side of the building. Emily couldn't help but notice that her skin was just slightly more tan, no doubt from the hot Southern sun. As Emily watched, she noticed that Jessica's eyes were narrowed, and she looked a touch confused.
"Hey!" Emily said excitedly as she reached her side. She reached out to hug Jessica instantly, happy to see her again. The few days had ended up feeling like a lifetime in a way.
"Hey," Jessica replied flatly as Emily released her from her grasp.
"How are you? How was Charleston?" Emily asked energetically as they made their way into the building. "I want to see pictures. Lots of pictures."
Jessica shrugged casually as they found the classroom. "Maybe later. Gotta get this stupid exam over with," she replied, rolling her eyes.
"Ugh, I know," Emily said, grimacing playfully as she followed Jessica into the row they always occupied where they found their seats. "But still, how's Wyatt?"
"Can we just talk after the test?" Jessica replied sharply, her voice laced with annoyance.
Emily's face fell. Something was up, and she hadn't a clue what was wrong. Maybe Jessica's weekend hadn't gone as planned? Maybe it had been as bad as Emily's. She hoped not, but who knew? Things happen, as she well knew by now. Relationships fall apart. People change. Yet, none of that explained why Jessica was acting this way towards her. Plus, considering Jessica's giddy text the day before, there wasn't even a hint that anything was wrong.
"Yeah. Sure," Emily replied, nodding as she slid her bag onto the ground and pulled out a pencil to take the test. Right now, she knew she had to focus, but she couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Jessica.
"What'd you think?" Emily asked Jessica after the exam had ended and they were filing with the rest of the students out of the building into the mid-day sun.
Jessica shrugged casually. "Eh, it was okay," she replied blandly.
Exasperated, Emily stopped, grabbing Jessica's arm and pulling her away from the crowd of people so they could talk. "All right. What's your deal, Jessica?" Emily asked nervously.
"My deal?" Jessica countered, her voice sounding harsh and defensive.
"Yes, your deal. Did something happen? You're acting so weird," Emily tried to explain.
"You want to know what my deal is?" Jessica asked, and by her tone Emily thought that maybe she really didn't.
"Yes," she replied anyway, taking a deep breath.
"Fine," Jessica bit back. "What is going on? I leave town and now you're sleeping with the enemy?" she demanded.
Emily shook her head, confused. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about your roommate," Jessica answered in detest.
Realization sank in for Emily as she finally understood what this was all about. She and Paige. Jessica had obviously seen them together that morning, and sure, they had never walked to class together, but somehow Jessica must have sensed that it was more than just a casual walk, that something more had changed between them. Emily knew Jessica had made some biting remarks about Paige in the past that Emily had tried to take in stride, but she never realized Jessica would react this way to them getting closer.
Emily shrugged awkwardly. "We're friends now."
"Just like that?" Jessica countered doubtfully, as if Emily was lying to her about something.
Emily frowned. "What are getting at?"
"I don't get it," Jessica replied, shaking her head.
"You don't have to get it," Emily replied defensively. No matter what Jessica thought, nothing was going to change her friendship with Paige.
"Wasn't she an asshole to you?" Jessica continued.
And Emily knew she was right. Paige had said a lot of horrible things that even still could make her uncomfortable to think about. Yet while she hated being reminded, to Emily, it was history now. They had turned over a new rock. They'd connected. Paige was a part of her now.
"Things change," Emily replied firmly.
"Like what?" Jessica questioned with bewilderment. "What happened while I was gone to make the world flip on its axis and make you friends with her?"
Emily nodded and thought back to Friday, how awful everything had felt when Maya had dropped her like an old winter coat that was too heavy for summertime, too much of a burden. She felt herself starting to tear up.
"You want to know what happened?" she replied, her voice starting to quiver slightly. "Maya broke up with me, okay? That's what happened."
Jessica's face fell instantly, her voice softening. "Emily," she said sympathetically, reaching for her friend's arm. "Why didn't you say something?"
Emily shook her head, trying to push back her tears. "'Cause you just launched into this whole thing about Paige," she said, wiping a tear from her cheek.
Jessica reached out and wrapped her arms around Emily. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe you didn't call me."
Emily shrugged. "I wasn't going to ruin your weekend."
Jessica finally released her grasp and let her hands drop to Emily's arms. "Honey, you're my friend. You wouldn't have ruined anything. Come on, let's go talk," Jessica told her sympathetically as she linked her arm with Emily's
Emily just nodded as she followed Jessica towards The Hub. As much as she hated that she would have to rehash the entire breakup with Maya, she knew it would at least give her a chance to explain about Paige, to let Jessica know why they were so close know, to show her who Paige really was. But she wasn't even sure she'd be able to put it all into words.
"Someone's annoyingly happy for midterms week," Pru commented with a smirk to Paige who stood in front of her in line to pay for lunch at The Hub.
Paige hadn't realized it, but she'd probably been smiling since she'd parted ways with Emily that morning. Being around Emily did that to her. It'd been hard to focus on her exam earlier thinking about the morning at the pool. It seemed no matter what they were doing, they had a good time together. Paige loved being around her, and it was still surprising and even mind-boggling to her that Emily seemed to feel the same way.
"What are you talking about?" Paige replied, trying to sound casual even though she felt herself blush.
"That stupid grin on your face," Pru said, smiling as she poked Paige in the shoulder. "Something you want to share?" she prodded curiously.
"No," Paige told her, trying hard not to sound like she was lying. "I just," she started, wracking her brain for an excuse. "I found out I have a relay spot for Saturday."
"Nice," Pru replied with a curious smile, like maybe she didn't quite believe that this was the only thing Paige was happy about. "I mean. I knew you'd kill it."
Paige simply nodded as she scooted forward in the line. The cashier rang her up quickly, and she grabbed her tray as she waited for Pru.
Side by side, they started towards the table outside that they always occupied.
"Wait," Pru said, turning to Paige. "Weren't you and your roommate competing? Was there a throw down I missed?" she asked with a glimmer of curiosity, her eyebrow raised.
Paige laughed. "No throw down. Don't worry. Our times were almost exactly the same, so we both got spots."
"Really," Pru said smirking. "She can keep up with you?" she teased.
Back in high school, no one else had really come close to Paige at swim meets, so she was pretty sure Pru found this terribly amusing that now someone might be able to beat her.
"Yes, she can," Paige replied, rolling her eyes as she tried to hide a smile.
"Wow," Pru replied, impressed. "So Paige McCullers has finally met her match."
Paige felt her cheeks flush again because she was knew Pru was more right than she even realized. Paige had met her match in Emily, in countless different ways that reached far beyond the swimming pool. She had finally met someone who reached inside of her and turned her inside out, someone who made her feel like she was standing on the edge of a cliff daring her to jump, who made her feel alive like never before. It didn't matter if they were just friends, it didn't matter what label you wanted to put on their relationship, Paige knew deep inside that Emily was quickly becoming the one thing that really mattered to her. And as much as she tried to be casual about the whole thing, it felt like some kind of life-altering revelation.
Halfway through their lunch hour, Emily and Jessica were still sitting across from each other in a booth at The Hub as Emily finished telling Jessica the whole story of what happened with Maya. She felt like none of it would make sense without context, so she painfully admitted to all the things that had been happening between them since school hard started, about Maya's change in behavior, about her distance, how they'd been falling apart from the very start. She told her everything through how Paige had been there for her when she needed someone and all the things she did that night to ease her pain. Jessica had simply nodded along, listening to every word and not making any other comments or judgments about Paige. Emily didn't really mention the rest of the weekend, how they'd been together at just about every beat, but she figured that wasn't what Jessica wanted to hear even if part of Emily wanted to tell her.
"So how are you really?" Jessica asked sweetly as Emily finished talking. Earlier, when they had arrived, Emily had assured Jessica over and over that she was all right even if it was a bit of an exaggeration. There were times it would still come up on her when she was alone, when she was trying to fall asleep, where it would start to hurt again.
"I'm okay," Emily replied with a nod. "I'm dealing."
Jessica shook her head. "I still can't believe it."
Emily shrugged sadly. "I still don't even really know why."
"People do things for all sorts of reasons," Jessica offered in reply. "Just because she didn't act upset, doesn't means she wasn't. It doesn't mean she didn't cry as soon as she got off the phone like you did. From what you've told me, it seems like maybe that's her MO?"
Emily nodded. "Maybe you're right," she agreed. Maya didn't always say how she really felt when it came to certain things. When Maya had met Emily's parents for the first time as her girlfriend, Emily'd had no idea that Maya was as out of her mind nervous as she'd been. Maybe she didn't have the whole story about why Maya ended things, but she still felt resentful that Maya had refused to even talk to her about her reasons. "I still hate it though," Emily continued. "Not knowing. Makes it feel like there's unfinished business."
"Well, maybe there is, but you should take time for yourself," Jessica told her. "And if you ever want to talk to her one day, the ball's in your hands."
Emily nodded in agreement, considering Jessica's words. So far, she had assumed that when they hung up on Friday, she and Maya would never speak again. It wasn't until now that she remembered how they still lived in the same town, down the street, that California didn't just swallow her whole as much as it might have felt that way. Emily couldn't think about the fact that she might actually have to see Maya again, so she turned back to Jessica who was eyeing her sadly.
"Hey. If you need anything," Jessica assured her sweetly. "I'm here. Day or night. Promise."
"Thanks, Jess," Emily replied appreciatively.
Just then, Emily noticed Jessica shift awkwardly in her seat.
"You know, I feel really terrible now," Jessica started timidly. "Because I had some really good news to share with you."
Emily eyed her curiously. They hadn't even talked about Jessica's trip yet, and she had been hoping to hear all about Charleston and Wyatt and meeting his entire family.
"Tell me. What news?" Emily asked eagerly.
"This news," Jessica said nervously as she lifted her left hand from underneath the table and spread it out for Emily.
Something caught Emily's eye, and her gaze immediately shifted to the sparkling diamond ring on Jessica's finger. Emily's eyes widened instantly.
"Holy shit!" she exclaimed loudly, drawing a few looks from people nearby. "Jessica! Is that real?" Emily asked incredulously as she lifted Jessica's hand to get a closer look at the diamond.
"Yeah," Jessica replied breathlessly, as if she still couldn't quite believe that the rock was sitting on her finger.
"Oh my god!" Emily replied excitedly. "He asked?"
Jessica nodded. "It's why he wanted me to come visit. His whole family already knew," she replied, starting to choke up as she talked about it.
Emily shook her head in shock. Of all the things, she was pretty sure this was the last one she had expected. "What did you do?"
"Well, first I hit him," Jessica said with a laugh.
"You hit him?" Emily replied in disbelief.
"You can't just spring something like that on a girl," Jessica replied, her eyes starting to well up with tears.
Emily laughed lightly. "I think that's kind of the whole point, Jess."
"Well, I freaked out, and after I hit him, I started bawling, kind of like this," she said, fanning her eyes as if it would dry them. "It was terrible."
Emily shook her head. "It sounds far from terrible. So what now?"
Jessica released a long breath. "He asked if I would consider transferring to school down there. You know, so we can plan everything together."
"Wow," she replied softly, thinking of how lucky the two of them were. She hadn't even been able to convince Maya to come for a visit and the two of them were talking about switching schools to be together.
"He said I don't have to, but he asked, and I'm thinking about it," Jessica explained.
Emily smiled. "That's amazing. Honestly, I'm so happy for you."
"Thanks," Jessica replied, reaching out and squeezing Emily's hand briefly. "You're like one of my best friends now, Emily. I couldn't wait to tell you."
Just then, Jessica noticed the time on her watch and frowned. "Shit. I hate to do this, but I've really got to get to my next class early. I have a few questions about last week's assignment," she said, reaching for her bag.
"Don't worry about it," Emily told her.
"You'll be okay?" Jessica asked as she started to scoot out of the booth and stood up next to the table.
"I'll be fine," Emily assured her with a laugh.
"Okay. Can we have dinner one of these nights?"
Emily nodded. "Of course."
"I'll call you. And keep your head up, okay?" Jessica told her as she reached out and patted Emily's shoulder before turning to leave.
Emily nodded. As Jessica disappeared from sight, Emily checked her phone and saw that she still had another half an hour before she had to be at her next class.
Outside of The Hub, Paige sat amongst her friends talking and laughing when she felt a buzz coming from her back pocket. Quickly, she reached for her phone and opened up the text. It was from Emily. She felt her stomach flutter instantly.
Is there any room left at that table?
Paige smiled to herself as she looked up and glanced around to see if she could find Emily in the crowd. She finally came upon her standing near the door that led inside, and their eyes caught. Emily smiled sweetly, and Paige felt it go all the way through her body. She turned back to her phone, typing slyly under the table.
For you? Always, she wrote.
Looking back up, she saw Emily check her phone and smile before starting to head in their direction. As she approached the table, Paige turned to everyone.
"Guys, you remember Emily? My roommate?" she said, motioning to Emily.
The group greeted Emily warmly, and she smiled and said hello. There weren't any chairs left, so Paige slid over in hers, making room for Emily to share with her. Paige felt her body tense as the skin of Emily's shoulder made contact with her own. Paige had hoped that after the first few times the two of them had touched, brushed hands, or had any other normal casual human contact, the charge she felt sparking inside of her body would go away, but so far she'd had no such lucky. Thankfully, Pru was seated on the other side of Emily because Paige was pretty sure she would have noticed how awkward Paige had suddenly become at Emily being so close to her. At least Emily seemed completely endearingly oblivious to what effect she seemed to have on Paige.
As the rest of the group started up their conversation, Paige turned to Emily, letting her eyes scan her face before Emily noticed and turned her head to face her.
"Everything okay?" Paige whispered, curious as to why Emily was all by herself all of a sudden.
Emily smiled sweetly. "Jessica just had to go see her professor."
Paige nodded, and their eyes lingered for a moment before they finally turned back to everyone else to join in on the conversation.
Later, as their time for lunch drew to a close, everyone pulled themselves from their seats and began to disperse. Paige watched as Jacob left Pru's side for a moment to go throw away both of their trash.
Emily must have noticed too that something was going on between Pru and Jacob because as soon as he disappeared, Emily turned to Pru.
"Looks like someone got their Saturday night wish," Emily told her with a smile.
Pru grinned from ear to ear, and Paige could tell by the glow on Pru's face that she was already won over. Then again, Paige didn't know how anyone couldn't be when it came to Emily.
When Jacob returned a moment later, Pru motioned to Paige that he was going to walk her to class, flashing her the nicest sort of 'please don't come with us' look.
Paige laughed and rolled her eyes playfully as Pru and Jacob took off, and she found herself falling into step with Emily. It was quiet between them at first. The backs of their hands kept brushing as they strode across campus, not even having discussed where each of their classes were, and Paige felt this ridiculous urge to grab Emily's hand. She berated herself. How could something so epically inappropriate feel like the right thing to do? She squashed the desire and awkwardly shoved a piece of hair behind her hair, just to avoid temptation for the moment.
"How's Jessica?" Paige finally asked.
"Good," Emily replied with a nod. "Great actually," she added, a touch cynically. "She had the exact opposite weekend as me."
Paige eyed her in confusion. "What does that mean?"
"It means I got dumped, and she got engaged," Emily replied amusedly.
Paige's eyes widened. "Shit."
"I know, right?" Emily replied. "So now there is a shiny rock on her left hand that is so big, it could practically blind you."
Paige watched Emily's expression, and between her face and her tone, she could tell that the whole situation was maybe a little like throwing salt on an open wound.
"Do I need to pick up some more ice cream?" Paige asked cautiously.
Emily laughed, pushing her shoulder against Paige's playfully. "No, I'm fine. I promise," she said before hesitating. "Mostly fine," she added with a sheepish smile.
Paige grinned. "Fine, huh?" she teased.
Emily blushed shyly. "I just never realized how pretty those things were," she admitted with this look on her face that Paige wouldn't be able to get out of her head for hours, this look that said that Emily had never before stopped to think of what it would be like to have something like that on her hand or how it would feel to have someone who loved you enough to give you one. It was a look that was timid and embarrassed and surprised at how vulnerable it all made her feel.
Emily shook her head. "I'd probably just lose it in the pool," she quipped dryly.
Paige just laughed and let Emily make light of it all, even though, deep inside, she wished she could say something, anything, to let Emily know that someone would love her that way. Because, as crazy as Paige knew it sounded, pieces of her own heart were starting to feel like maybe she already did.
The Natatorium was filled to the brim with a crowd of people cheering. It was Saturday afternoon, and the swim meet was already in full force with the Penn State swimmers battling it out. Between surviving midterms and all of the time in the pool, the week had flown by for Paige, and most of it had been spent with Emily. It was the first week so far that she'd ever really spent that much time at their dorm room, and Paige had to admit that it was good timing since Pru was now completely preoccupied with Jacob. Paige realized now how much better things were when she wasn't sneaking around Emily's schedule and hiding out at Pru's and the pool. Especially with Emily's company, the dorm room had finally started to feel a little bit like home.
Now, Paige was standing in front of her swim locker, dressed in her Speedo and a pair of sweats, feeling a bit of nerves start to creep up inside her. The first meet was upon them, and it felt like, for all the waiting and preparation, it had arrived so quickly that it surprised her. The pressure was on, and it felt heavy on her shoulders.
She finished pushing her duffel into her locker and closed it. Looking up, she saw Emily beside her, leaning against her own locker and eyeing Paige with an amused smile. She was dressed exactly the same as Paige with her long hair, still damp from their warm up laps, falling on her shoulders.
Paige laughed. "What?"
"Nervous?" Emily asked with a twinkle in her eye.
"Pssht. No," Paige replied, shaking her head.
Emily cocked her head. "You should be," she told her challengingly.
"Why's that?" Paige countered, trying to act cool, even though the truth was she was beyond nervous about the meet and the toying way that Emily was looking at her wasn't doing anything to calm her body down.
"Because I don't want to have to pick up your slack," Emily replied with a smirk.
Paige shook her head. The way the relay was laid out meant that Paige started off at butterfly while Emily finished with freestyle, with the two upperclassmen sandwiched between them.
Paige shook her head. "You should be more worried about losing the lead I give you," she countered with a grin as she and Emily started heading towards the locker room door.
"Don't worry. I know how to finish," Emily replied suggestively, and Paige just laughed, shaking her head.
Even though Paige knew she was only kidding around, she felt her own body tense at the kind of thoughts that joke brought forth. She tried not to think about the fact that, while she herself had never done a damn thing with someone else besides kissing, Emily, with a girlfriend for two years, must have had experience with her that Paige didn't want to even imagine. The idea made her undeniable uncomfortable even though she had no right to care who Emily did anything with.
Leading the way, Emily pushed the door open to the Natatorium and Paige followed, letting the roar of the crowd and the smell of the chlorine shift her focus away from Emily and back to the meet, back to her coming race, back to the things she could control.
Up on the bleachers, Jessica and Hanna sat together, looking for Emily to make her appearance. Before the meet, Emily had introduced her two friends and even though Emily knew they were so incredibly different, they seemed to hit it off right away. Then again, Emily was sure the enormous diamond on Jessica's finger would give Hanna enough to talk and gawk about for hours. Now, both were chatting away just as Hanna spotted Emily and Paige appearing from the locker room in their Speedos and sweats, side by side. She turned to Jessica pointing out Emily excitedly.
"There she is! I hope she's swimming soon," Hanna commented. "It's kind of like 1000 degrees in here," she added, fanning herself with a PSU Swim program.
"Ugh," Jessica said, disregarding Hanna's comment, her eyes focused on the two girls made their way across the room. "I still can't believe she's even talking to her."
"Who?" Hanna said, following Jessica's eyes.
"Her roommate," Jessica replied.
Hanna squinted her eyes to see across the pool. "Paige?"
"Yeah."
"Guess she didn't win any popularity contests with you either," Hanna quipped in response. "At least we're on the same page, pun intended."
They nodded together.
"Maybe she's just manipulating her because she wants something," Jessica suggested.
Hanna laughed. "Conspiracy theory, much?"
Jessica shook her head at her own absurdity. "Sorry."
"Don't worry," Hanna assured her with an amused smile. "No wonder you and Em are friends. Fit right in with all of us."
Jessica turned to her with a confused look. "Huh?"
Hanna shook her head with a laugh. "Nevermind."
"Emily's just way too nice," Jessica added, shaking her head.
Hanna shrugged. "If you know Emily, you know that she'd forgive the devil for creating hell."
Jessica nodded in agreement. "Well, as hard as I find it to believe, Emily claims she was really great when she told her about the breakup."
At the words, Hanna instantly turned her body to face Jessica. "What breakup?"
Jessica's face changed instantly as she realized she'd said more than she should have.
"You two haven't talked yet?" Jessica asked cautiously.
"I haven't seen her all week. What breakup?" Hanna questioned, eyes wide.
Jessica sighed, frowning. "Emily's. Her and Maya."
The entire Natatorium had grown quiet as the relay was about to begin. Emily watched from the side as Paige settled into the starting block, her body arched over, perfectly still, as if she were a sculpture. Before the race, Emily had wished Paige luck even though she knew she didn't need it. Yet, the entire morning, Emily had noticed that Paige was quieter than normal, and she sensed that it must have been nerves. While Emily felt the same pressure, it had seemed to be burdening Paige much more than herself. She'd tried to keep it light, but part of her wanted to find out why Paige felt this weight on her shoulders all of the time, if it was all about her dad or if there was more to it.
As the alarm blared the start of the race, Emily watched as Paige's strong body dove into the water in one smooth motion, disappearing into the pool. Emily moved closer seeing Paige emerge from under the water. Her form was perfect and fluid as she quickly took the lead. While everyone around Emily was cheering, all she could do was watch, focused on every stroke of Paige's arms, seeing her pull further and further ahead of her opponent.
She and Paige had been swimming together all week now, and part of their practices they would spend clocking each other to see if their times were improving. Whenever it was Paige's turn in the pool, Emily always found herself transfixed by Paige's movements that she almost couldn't keep track of her time, and today was no different. As Emily watched Paige reach the end of her race and touch the side of the pool a clear arm's length ahead of the competitor, Emily just smiled. Paige pulled herself from the pool as the team congratulated her. Despite all the people around, their eyes caught. Paige just nodded and flashed a small smile to Emily, who finally slid out of her sweats and stepped closer to the block, waiting her turn.
When the third swimmer finally dove into the pool, Emily stepped up onto the block, taking deep breaths as she readied herself. As the swimmer lapped back, the race was tight. Emily took position and waited for the signal.
As she dove in, she felt the water surround her and began to pull herself through the pool, hearing the muffled cheers from the crowd. During a race, everything became a blur, the sounds, the feelings, the motions. It all blended together. It was an inexplicable rush of adrenaline that surged through her, powering her body.
As she reached the edge of the pool, she flipped and pushed off the edge, propelling herself towards the end as her arms and legs began to burn. Around here, the indistinct sound of the roaring crowd grew as the edge of the pool came into sight. With one final stride, her hand made contact with the edge of the pool, and she finally let her body sink into the water, standing up and pulling off her goggles and cap. Looking up, she saw the crowd erupting in cheers as the announcement rang through the intercom that they had won the race.
Emily took a deep breath and smiled with relief as she pulled her tired body from the pool. Immediately, she was greeted with the congratulations of her teammates and her coach who wrapped her in hugs and patted her on the back. Despite all of the excitement, Emily couldn't help but look around for Paige. When she finally found her with her eyes, she was a few feet away, separated from the mess, dressed now in her navy blue sweats and jacket, with her wet locks free from her swim cap. Her eyes were on Emily as a knowing smile crossed her face. Emily felt a surge of warmth hit her despite how cold the air felt on her drying skin. Though she had a towel wrapped around her body, Emily was still soaking wet, but she didn't care. Once the congratulations died down around her, she took a few steps over to Paige and immediately wrapped her arms around her, hugging her. She felt Paige's arms return the hug, holding her tight
"We did it," Emily whispered into Paige's ear. Paige smelled like lavender and chlorine, and Emily couldn't help but think how that was somehow perfect.
"You did it," Paige whispered back, hugging her tightly.
And Emily didn't know why, but she just didn't want her to let go.
"It'd be great if you just stayed calm, Hanna," Emily said, with a sense of pleading in her voice.
Standing with her was Hanna who had a look of panic across her face. The meet had finished and after the relay event, both Emily and Paige had competed in a couple of single races where they both finished strong. Now, the Natatorium was quiet with most of the crowd having gotten on their way, but Hanna had lingered, waiting for everything to die down so she could talk to Emily. Emily still hadn't had a chance to get out of her wet Speedo, and instead, had just finished trying to explain to Hanna how she and Maya were over.
"Calm? I feel like I found out that the earth's not round. My entire worldview's been warped," Hanna replied in shock. "Where did this come from?"
Emily shrugged. "It's been coming for a while. Ever since school started. Things just haven't been the same," she answered sadly, feeling all of those emotions drifting back again.
"When did this happen?" Hanna questioned.
"Last weekend," Emily admitted.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Hanna asked in disbelief.
Emily felt her eyes start to tear up again. "Cause I was trying to avoid this happening again," she replied, blinking them back and wiping a stray one with her finger.
"Emily," Hanna said sympathetically, her hand finding Emily's arm. "I wish you'd called. I would have been there."
Emily nodded. "I know." And Emily knew Hanna was right. She would have been there for her, but fate had sent Emily someone else's shoulder.
"What happened?" Hanna wondered, shaking her head. "Jessica said that Maya ended it."
Emily nodded. "She did. And I wish I knew what happened, Hanna."
"Are you okay?" Hanna asked sweetly.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I promise," Emily told her. Hanna didn't seem to believe her, but she didn't say anything else. "Look. I should probably go shower."
"Okay. Do you want to go out with Lenny and I tonight? There's a party. Might get your mind off of it," Hanna offered.
Emily simply nodded, her eyes flicking over to the figure standing far behind Hanna near the locker room door. It was Paige, her body leaning against the wall, clearly waiting for her. They caught eyes, and Paige simply smiled.
"That's okay," Emily declined. "I think I'm cool with the partying for a little while actually," she explained, thinking of how much trouble she'd nearly gotten herself into the last Saturday night.
"Okay, well, don't be such a stranger. If you want to talk, call me," Hanna assured her.
Emily nodded.
"And congrats again," Hanna added. "You were amazing."
Emily smiled, and the two girls exchanged a hug before they parted ways, Hanna heading towards the exit door and Emily to Paige's side where the two girls fell into step heading towards the locker room to shower.
A couple hours later, showered and changed into their street clothes, Emily and Paige slid into the same booth at Baby's Burgers that they had sat at the last weekend and ordered the same pair of cheeseburgers, fries and milkshakes as before. While it was true that they were celebrating their victory at the swim meet, somehow Emily felt like they were celebrating so much more.
Over just a couple of months, everything in Emily's life had changed. She had a new world, new relationships, maybe even new hopes. Her life had broken apart, and while she mourned everything she lost, it felt now as if it was coming back together again like puzzle pieces. And Emily thought that maybe, just maybe, it'd end up being something beautiful again.
Because sitting across from Paige in this diner on a Saturday evening, as the sun set over the horizon splashing gold through the window and onto them both, life felt strangely exhilarating again, like her future was somehow laid out before her, and all she had to do was live it into existence.
Across from her, Paige made a joke, and Emily laughed as she took a sip from her strawberry milkshake. The entire time, she felt her heart racing in her chest, and she realized she felt alive for the first time in so long.
The next few weeks seemed to pass like lightning as the swimming season got well under way. Before Emily knew it, October was already drawing to an end. After their first home meet, the team had traveled to compete in a few meets in other states, as the relay team continued to win their races. During the trips, Paige and Emily always found themselves next to each other in the back of the coach the swim team took, sharing headphones so they could listen to the same songs and falling asleep on each other's shoulders on the long rides home. Emily felt like those first few weeks they'd known each other had never happened considering how close they were now. For the first time in her life, Emily felt like she truly had a 'best friend,' someone she could count on, someone she trusted, someone who understood her. And now that Jessica was busy working for the paper, Pru was dating Jacob, and Hanna was absorbed in her sorority, Emily and Paige found themselves grabbing dinner together most nights, doing their laundry at the same time so they wouldn't have to endure it alone, and swimming together almost every day.
Tonight was one of those nights. Both girls had swam laps until their bodies were numb, sometimes taking turns timing each other, sometimes racing one another and arguing playfully over who had won. Emily loved having someone to keep her company at the pool. For all the time she had been with Maya, it was something they had never done together, and Emily realized now how weird that seemed that something that was such a big part of her life, Maya had never experienced with her. Luckily, over time Emily had felt herself healing after the break, and while every now and again, Maya would creep into her thoughts, reminding her of how much it had hurt, reminding her every once in a while that she did still miss being in love, Emily felt like she was stronger now.
After a couple of hours of laps, the girls had found their way into the same lane and were floating in the water, side by side, with their heads facing opposite directions, staring up at the ceiling above them. Emily's fingers were like prunes, and she let her forefinger and thumb rub together, feeling the ribs it made in her skin.
"Wouldn't it be great if this place had like a retractable roof," Emily observed. "You know, so we could at least get a tan while we were in here?"
"You mean, so I could get burnt to a crisp in the shape of a one piece swimming suit?" Paige deadpanned sarcastically.
Emily laughed instantly, her body sinking in the process, as she stood to her feet. Something that never seemed to go away was how often they laughed together.
"Plus," Paige continued. "It's like 40 degrees outside. In Pennsylvania," she added sarcastically. "The sun's rays don't even reach here."
Emily frowned playfully. "You're raining on my parade."
"Your parade needs a better organizing committee," Paige quipped back with a teasing smirk. "Right now, it's just people marching in circles, flailing handmade signs."
Emily shook her head, but she was smiling nonetheless. "Such a smartass," Emily commented as she swiftly pushed on Paige's shoulder. Paige shrieked as she went under, grabbing Emily's arm to tug her with. Under the water, they wrestled each other with their arms. At some point, Paige's swim cap came off and her hair began swirling in an auburn wave around her face. Emily always loved the color of it, and often, she found herself jealous when all she had was boring brown hair like everyone else in the world. Finally, the two girls resurfaced, laughing and gasping as they caught their breath.
"You're coming tonight, right?" Paige asked between gulps of air.
Emily nodded. "Trust me, Hanna won't let me out of it," she joked, rolling her eyes.
Around the same time, each of their friends had started to complain about their absence, so they had both agreed to head to this giant off-campus Halloween pajama party that night, Emily with Hanna and Paige with Pru. Emily hadn't been looking forward to it much, considering she figured it was just an excuse for all the guys and girls on campus to wear as little as possible in hopes of hooking up. She didn't really feel like she fit in, like it was her scene, but knowing Paige was going made it seem better. In fact, she hoped that once Hanna and Lenny had too much to drink, she might find Paige so they could just hang out and watch all the drunks stumbling around. She figured, if anything, it'd be entertaining, especially with Paige's running commentary. Between the two of them, Emily always knew they could make the best of anything.
The walk back was quiet. Even though it wasn't too late in the evening, the sun was setting earlier and earlier, and it was already dark out. The cold autumn chill was in the air, and the leaves on the trees all over campus had changed color, casting an orange glow over everything in sight. It was beautiful, Paige thought. She had always loved this season, feeling like there was something healing about knowing that change was happening around you.
And right now, Paige knew the setting seemed to reflect everything happening inside of her. For the past month, she had spent almost every second of her time with Emily, and every day, it seemed like they grew closer. It was obvious that Paige had found a place in Emily's life, in her heart and even though it was just as friends, Paige was grateful for it. They connected in ways she hadn't with anyone before, and while it ached, knowing she couldn't be with her the way she really wanted, couldn't touch her the way she wanted, love her the way she wanted, she told herself that at least she had this. At least she had a piece of her. Because there was no denying that life was different with Emily in it. And as for Paige? She felt herself changing, finding herself, finding reasons to make herself better, because of Emily.
It was a good feeling, and maybe it could be enough, she thought. Yet sadly, there were so many moments when it wasn't. At night, they would often curl up on one of their beds and watch dvds, and Paige always hated when the moment came when they parted to their own beds because what she really wanted was to hold Emily all night. Every once in a while, after having a perfect night with Emily, she'd find herself alone in her bed, crying silently, tears streaming down her cheeks as she hoped desperately that Emily wouldn't notice. It was a painful despairing balancing act, trying to keep her emotions at bay, and while Emily made her happier than she thought possible, some days, it hurt so much being near her. It was a nagging in her gut, a dull ache in her chest, a lump in her throat, but to have Emily close to her, Paige knew more than anything that it was worth it.
When they returned to the dorm, Paige settled in to do some homework before she had to go meet Pru while Emily curled up on her bed reading Paige's copy of You Can't Go Home Again. Emily was drawing close to the end, and throughout the last few weeks, she'd asked Paige every once in a while about something she'd underlined or scribbled in the margins, and it would turned into an hour long conversation about a word or an idea or the way Wolfe had chosen to string a line together. Paige was convinced that if Emily hadn't asked, she would probably be finished by now, but it felt good that Emily seemed to be enjoying the book and that she was curious what Paige had found in it herself.
Now, a couple hours after they'd returned, a text popped up on Paige's phone from Pru letting her know that she was home and that she could come by anytime. They'd planned to hang out for a bit at Pru's dorm before walking over to the party so they could have a chance to catch up. Pulling herself up from the bed, she drew Emily's eyes.
"That was Pru. She wants me to come over, so I figured I should starting getting, well, less dressed," Paige quipped, motioning to the jeans she was wearing, knowing full well she'd be stripping down for the party.
Emily laughed and nodded before dropping her head back to her book.
Crossing the room, Paige set down her textbook and Macbook next to the small pumpkin that sat on her desk, matching one the same size on Emily's. They had picked them up on Emily's insistence from a little farm off campus a week before with hopes of carving them, but between school and swimming, time had continued to elude them the last few days.
Instead, Emily had ended up drawing adorably goofy faces on the two pumpkins with a magic marker. At the time, Paige had playfully teased her about it, but when Emily was at class one day, Paige had taken a couple pictures of the pumpkins just so that when it was time to finally throw them out, she'd still have the memory of them. To Emily, the pumpkins had been no big deal, but it was all these little things that she did that made Paige smile. It was as though Emily had this ability to see the world in all of its simplicity and love its small wonders. It made it so hard not to adore her.
Glancing back over at Emily, lying on her stomach, feet in the air, engrossed in her book, Paige found herself smiling because she did. She did adore her.
Feeling an ache starting in her back, Emily turned herself over and leaned back up against the wall so she could continue reading. Hanna was expecting her in another hour and a half, so she still hadn't made any motions to get dressed for the party yet. It was both good and bad because while a part of her was happy for a chance to relax at home, part of her was growing tired by the minute and was considering bailing on the whole night. It wasn't that she didn't love Halloween, but she would have rather spent it curled up with a stack of scary movies along with Paige than going to some ridiculous party where the dress code was nothing short of as little as possible.
Just as she was about to set her book down and reach for her cell to text Hanna to see if she could get out of the night, her eyes caught a glimpse of Paige standing in front of the mirror fixing her makeup for the party. Instantly, her eyes widened, and she felt the air go out of her lungs. Emily had been so engaged in her book that she hadn't noticed that Paige was already dressed for the party. Knowing it was a "pajama" party, Emily knew all the girls would be showing skin, but she hadn't even taken a moment to realize that applied to Paige as well. And right then, her eyes glancing over the edge of her book, Emily couldn't help but notice how much skin Paige was showing.
A pair of the tiniest fitted grey cotton shorts revealed the length of Paige's lean muscled legs and clung tightly to the curve of her ass. Her white tank fell only halfway down her narrow waist, revealing her flat, toned stomach. From the side, Emily could see the muscles in Paige's strong arms. As Emily's eyes continued traveling across Paige's body, Emily felt her own body started to hum with something she could only describe as lust.
Just then, Paige turned to face Emily allowing her eyes to catch a glimpse of Paige's breasts, pushed up into the most perfect amount of cleavage by a lace bra that was visible through the thin low-cut tank. Emily swallowed hard, shifting her body awkwardly as she felt the buzzing inside of her spread lower than she wanted to admit, all the way until it settled between her legs.
"Hey, Em? Do you have some lipstick I can use? I think I left mine at the locker room."
"What?" Emily finally replied, breathlessly, not having realized at first that Paige had asked her a question.
"Lipstick?" Paige repeated with a smirk, and Emily realized she probably thought Emily had just been distracted by the book. The truth was, she was incredibly distracted, but not for the reasons Paige thought.
"Oh, yeah. The, um, second drawer," Emily replied, recovering quickly.
"Thanks," Paige replied as Emily watched her reach into the drawer and grabbed a lipstick from Emily's cosmetic bag.
As Paige began applying the color to her lips in the mirror, Emily told herself to stop, but she couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from Paige's curves even though she knew what she was doing was wrong. Even though she was doing exactly what she knew she shouldn't have been doing. For the last month, Emily had gone out of her way not to do anything to might make things awkward between them. She took longer showers at the gym so that Paige was usually dressed by the time she got to the lockers. She always disappeared to the bathroom to brush her teeth when Paige was changing in the morning. She even made a point to preoccupy herself when Paige came back from the dorm showers.
All of it must have helped because Paige now seemed comfortable around her, trusting, and yet now, here she was, letting her eyes run over Paige's body like some kind of lecher when she wasn't paying attention. Emily felt like she couldn't control herself. She tried to chock it up to the fact that she hadn't kissed or touched a girl in months, and now there was one standing in front of her, half naked. And there was simply no denying how good Paige's body looked.
It didn't matter though. She shouldn't be noticing, shouldn't be looking, shouldn't be admiring. It was so wrong of her. They were friends. She couldn't look at her friends that way. Finally, Emily forced her gaze back to her book and refused to look up again. But at the same time, Emily couldn't get the image of Paige's body out of her mind. Right then, Emily realized how hot her own body had gotten and slid out of her sweatshirt, trying to think of anything other than, "God, is she beautiful."
Later that night, Emily made her way across campus, wrapped up in an old coat and sweats over her outfit, on her way to Hanna and Lenny's dorm. The cold air felt good on her skin after everything that happened earlier with Paige, everything meaning Emily acting like a complete and total perv, she thought. After Emily had finally turned her eyes away, Paige had quickly finished getting ready and headed out to meet Pru. As soon as she had left, Emily had throw her hands over her face and told herself to get it together. Pulling herself up, she had gotten ready, and by the time her hair and makeup had been finished, it'd been time to head to Hanna's.
Now, standing at her door, she knocked twice before the door swung open, revealing Lenny dressed in a red lace teddy, and greeting her with a hug and a big smile. Emily forced a smile in return, though inside, all she could think was how this whole party was just ridiculous.
"No Jessica?" Lenny asked, looking past Emily to see if anyone else was with her.
"She politely declined," Emily explained as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
Emily had hoped that Jessica would have joined her since they hadn't seen as much of each other outside of class recently, but she had vehemently passed, not on moral grounds, but feeling like being in a frat house in her underwear when your fiancé wasn't with you wasn't exactly good for a relationship. She insisted Emily go and have a good time without her, teasing her and telling her to enjoy the 'eye candy.' Emily had laughed at the time, but now the irony of that statement was just too real.
Lenny frowned. "That's too bad. Hanna said she's great."
Emily nodded as she crossed the room to see Hanna examining herself in the mirror. Emily realized she shouldn't have been judging Lenny so harshly because there was Hanna, dressed just in a blue lace bra and a matching pair of lace boy-cut underwear.
"Geez, Hanna. You didn't want to leave anything to the imagination?" Emily asked, shaking her head.
"Please," Hanna replied, with a sassy smirk. "This right here is better than anything they can dream up."
Emily just laughed, rolling her eyes.
Hanna reached a hand out and examined the ratty old jacket Emily had on.
"I hope you have on something better on underneath that," Hanna told her with her brows raised critically.
"Don't worry, Hanna," Emily replied, shaking her head. "I just didn't want to lose anything I cared about," she added, knowing once they arrived, she'd have to discard her outer clothes in one of the rooms and hope she could find it at the end of the night. "Are you almost ready?"
Emily watched as Hanna turned back to the mirror and adjusted her hair one more time. She pursed her lips before spinning back around.
"Let's do this," Hanna replied, grinning.
Emily simply laughed as they filed out of the dorm, ready to make the trek to the party.
As soon as Paige had arrived at the house, she'd started glancing around the crowd, looking for Emily. She found herself grateful that Collin was away at a swim meet, and Jacob was out of town, so it ended up that it was just she and Pru tonight, along with a few girls Pru knew from her dorm. The night was supposed to give Paige a chance to see Pru again since Paige had been so busy with swimming, but she'd still at least wanted to talk to Emily, even if it was only briefly. And also, after Emily had made a joke about all the girls that they would see wearing teddies, Paige was a touch curious as to what Emily might have actually decided to wear. Part of her thought Emily might be daring enough to show up in her usual pajamas, sweatpants and a t-shirt, and Paige laughed at the thought.
Alongside Pru, Paige made her way through the crowded house to the bar where they grabbed a couple vodka cranberries and started towards the dance floor where the party was in full force, covered with a crowd of half-naked bodies dancing to the heavy beat. Paige started to swing to the sounds, trying to enjoy herself. It had been good having some time with Pru again, but now, the noise was so loud, all you could do was dance.
After an hour had passed, Paige was already through her second drink, feeling the buzz hitting her brain. Even though it was cold outside, all of the bodies inside the house had heated up the space, and for the first time, Paige was glad she wasn't wearing much more than she was. As she danced, her eyes continued to scan the room until finally they settled onto one corner, away from the dance floor.
There she is, Paige thought.
As her eyes focused on the sight of Emily, Paige felt a rush of electricity come over her. Emily looked incredible in this completely unintentional way. While all of the other girls had dressed in their skimpiest teddies or the tiniest shorts and lace bras, Emily was standing in the corner wearing an white men's button down shirt that was unbuttoned low in the front, revealing just a hint of cleavage and the black lace bra she wore underneath, and a pair of scrunched white socks a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. The shirt barely covered her ass revealing the length of her bronze legs. Emily's hair was in a deliberately tousled mess that Paige knew must be what she looked like after sex, and Paige couldn't help but think that she looked like some kind of goddess. Seeing her did something to Paige that she couldn't even begin to describe, but it shot straight through her body like fire. Paige couldn't take her eyes off of her.
As she watched, Paige squinted her eyes, noticing slowly that the guy Emily was talking to was leaning in closer, and saw the look of discomfort on Emily's face. Finally, when the boy reached his hand up to touch Emily's waist, Paige turned to Pru and whispered that she was going to grab another drink and would be back. Pru nodded her head, and Paige was gone before Pru could even see where she went.
Emily felt her body squirm instinctively as the guy's hand moved to her waist. They'd been chatting casually for a minute, and he seemed nice at first. Then suddenly, everything felt so uncomfortable. He had assumed she was interested, and she couldn't seem to find the right way to tell him otherwise. Now, with his hand on her, Emily was pinned between him and the wall. She felt nauseous and panicky.
"Is there a problem here?" a voice said from behind the boy's large frame.
As the boy turned, Emily saw Paige standing behind him. Emily looked up at her hopefully, her eyes brightening.
"No problem at all," the boy sneered, completely unaffected by Paige's presence. His hand didn't even budge from Emily's waist.
"You sure?" Paige challenged. "Cause I think maybe you've got your hand somewhere it shouldn't be," she told him sternly.
The boy scoffed. "What are you? The party police. Get outta here," he told her, turning back around to Emily.
"Not while your nasty hands are on my girlfriend," Paige asserted. Emily's eyes widened at her words, just as Paige's hand found her own, pulling her away from the space between the boy and the wall and over to her side. Emily's breath caught in her throat as she found herself instinctively clutching Paige's hand in response. She wanted to ask Paige what she was thinking, but she was completely speechless. Besides, she knew Paige had come to save her and, upon seeing this guy, come to the same conclusion as Emily had, that he wasn't going to back down without a fight.
The boy laughed derisively. "Please. She's not your fuckin' girlfriend. But if you guys want to play that, there's a bedroom upstairs you can join me in," he told them, moving his hands towards Emily again.
Paige moved in front of Emily to block him from getting any closer to her. "She is my girlfriend. So you need to back the fuck off," Paige told him firmly, shoving him square in the chest with her free hand until he stumbled backwards.
Emily's mouth dropped open in blatant shock at the same time that a rush of energy flooded her.
"Come on," Paige said to her, and Emily nodded numbly as Paige pulled her away from the scene. "Are you okay?" Paige asked once they were a few steps away.
"Yeah," Emily replied softly. "Should we leave?" she asked nervously, looking over her should her shoulder to see the boy's eyes set on the two of them, seething with anger.
"He's drunk. He'll forget about it," Paige insisted, shaking her head.
"He still has his eye on us, Paige," Emily replied, as she glanced back once more.
Emily felt Paige thread their fingers together and tug Emily closer to her protectively until she was right up against Paige. Emily felt her entire body grow warm at the simple, innocent act. It felt good being this close to Paige that it was almost unreal, like this mix between being completely safe and totally on edge all at once. It was almost indescribable. And then there was the notion of their hands, threaded together so naturally. Emily couldn't deny that there was something about Paige's hand in hers that just seemed to fit. Emily felt a flutter in her stomach that she couldn't shake.
As they reached the dance area, Paige stopped and Emily came around to face her as they began to sway to the music. Paige released Emily's hand, and Emily suddenly missed the feeling.
After a few moments, Paige caught Emily's eyes. "Is he still watching?" Paige whispered to Emily.
Emily looked over Paige's shoulder and saw that the guy had turned back to his friends and wasn't paying the slightest attention to them anymore. She swallowed hard.
"Yeah," she breathed, feeling the air rush out of her lungs as she told the lie.
As soon as the word came out of her mouth, Emily realized she didn't know why she'd said it. For the life of her, she couldn't understand why she would lie, but before she could process her reasons, Paige reached her hand up to touch the side of Emily's waist, and Emily felt Paige pull her in until they were so close that their bare thighs grazed. Emily felt the same energy rush through her that she did earlier when she saw Paige barely clothed, but now it was only magnified a thousand times since Paige was right up against her, so close that Emily could feel the heat of her body and smell the scent of her skin.
Both of their bodies seemed to slow instinctively even though the beat of the music hadn't changed. She kept her eyes looking behind Paige, knowing that there was something going on inside of her that she just couldn't deal with as she tried not to focus on the feel of Paige's hand on her waist or the sight of Paige's bare shoulder so close to her mouth or how dizzy she felt being this close to her. Her eyes kept scanning the background, unable to even consider looking Paige in the eye for fear she would see the mix of anxiety and desire in her own eyes.
Yet, at the same time, she wondered what Paige was thinking right now. She wondered what was going through her head when she said those words, when she said Emily was her girlfriend, when she took her hand like she had. Bravely, Emily finally looked up, and her eyes met Paige's in a long solid gaze. Emily felt every part of her body on fire. Neither broke the stare. What was happening?
Emily opened her mouth to say something, anything, when all of a sudden a familiar squealing voice appeared right behind her. She felt a strong tug on her arm and before she knew what hit her, Hanna and Lenny had her spun around, both of them drunk, going on and on about some guy Hanna had just met.
"Oh my god, Emily!" Hanna shrieked excitedly.
"Hanna's in love," Lenny piped in.
"I'm in lust!" Hanna added. "Which is even better. And you have to see him."
"Okay," Emily agreed, nodding numbly. She still felt light-headed and unsteady.
She turned back to Paige, and just then, she noticed that Paige had an expression on her face that was like a deer in the headlights, and Emily felt a sinking guilt overcome her.
What the hell? she asked herself. What was she doing? What had she even been thinking being attracted to Paige like this? She was her friend, her straight friend, who she had no business leering at when this entire thing she had just done was nothing more a kind, protective move from a friend.
"Oh. Hey, Paige," Hanna said as she noticed the other girl standing next to Emily. "You want to come?"
Emily couldn't help but wonder if Hanna and Lenny had seen them dancing together, if Paige was starting to panic because she realized people who saw them might have gotten the wrong idea and end up starting a rumor the size of Texas. It made her sick inside knowing that what had felt so right for Emily could completely ruin Paige. She felt both guilty and grateful now for what Paige had done.
Looking at Paige, Emily saw her finally shake the look on her face and respond. "I'd better find Pru," she mumbled, and Emily sensed that something wasn't right.
Emily felt her heart sinking. None of this awkwardness would be happening if she hadn't said that the creep was still watching them. Did she just screw this over some foolish, impetuous lie?
"Okay. Come on, Em," Hanna said, tugging Emily abruptly as she started to follow them through the crowd. When she looked back over her shoulder, Paige had already disappeared.
Paige roughly pushed the door open to the bathroom and closed it tightly behind her. She was gasping for breaths, and her heart was racing in her chest. Tears were already forming by the time she had reached the bathroom, and now they were falling down her cheeks. She pushed her hair out of her face as she moved to the sink, starting the faucet and splashing water on her face.
What was she thinking letting herself get that close to Emily? It was like playing with fire. The entire time she'd been holding her, feeling her body against hers, she hadn't been able to breathe. It had taken everything inside of her not to lean in and kiss her, right in the middle of the dance floor, right in front of a hundred freaking people. She'd totally lost her mind. She should have known better. Seeing Emily with some cretin trying to touch her had set off something inside her. She would have said anything to get him away, and obviously, she'd done just that. The words slipped from her lips before she could even stop herself. It was too easy, too natural. And then, holding Emily's hand, being on the dance floor together, acting like a couple, it almost felt real. But it wasn't real. None of it, and Paige needed to get that in her head.
Just then, a rasping on the door drew her attention.
"Paige?" a voice said softly, and Paige instantly recognized it as Pru. She must have seen her dart for the bathroom.
Paige turned away from the sink, still breathing heavily and pulled the door open. Pru stepped inside quickly, shutting it behind her.
"Are you okay?" she asked, pulling Paige over by her arms so she could look her in the eye. By now, Pru had stopped crying, but she knew her eyes were still red, and she was trying to avoid Pru getting a good look at her.
"I'm fine," Paige mumbled back. But she wasn't, she wasn't at all. Inside, she was in pieces.
Pru frowned. "You know you shouldn't be getting high when you're drunk," she chided sweetly, shaking her head.
Paige was grateful that Pru didn't suspect what was really going on. She must not have seen her with Emily. Thank god, she thought.
Pru reached for a washcloth and wet it before pressing it to Paige's neck. Paige closed her eyes and let the cold water chill her skin. When she opened them back up a moment later, Pru was eyeing her with a look of such worry that Paige felt guilty for not telling her what had really happened. But she couldn't talk about it, especially not then, not like that. It ached too much.
Paige released a heavy sigh. "Can we go home?" she asked sadly. Pru simply nodded in return.
Hours later, Emily was pulling back the sheets of Hanna's bed. She was the only sober one, and so she had decided to walk them home, unsure if Hanna and Lenny would make it back on their own. Emily had pulled on a pair of Hanna's pajama bottoms when they'd arrived and sat down on Hanna's bed while the other two girls got ready. She'd decided it wasn't exactly safe to walk home by herself in the middle of the night, so she figured she would try to sleep in Hanna's bed facing the opposite direction, and hope that in her drunken state, Hanna wouldn't give her a black eye with her foot during the night.
Waiting now, Emily's thoughts drifted. The entire rest of the night, Emily hadn't been able to get Paige off of her mind. She'd looked for her, hoping she could steal away from Hanna and Lenny and talk to her even though she didn't have a clue what she might say. She felt like she'd let something terrible happen. She wanted to apologize for lying, but she wasn't even sure how she could do that without revealing everything else, that Emily had been thinking about Paige, her best friend, in all of the wrong sort of ways.
Hanna finally plopped down on the bed beside her, still glowing from her encounter with some boy whose name Emily had been too distracted to remember.
"Soooooo," Hanna slurred drunkenly, with a curious gleam in her eye. Emily felt her body tense thinking she was going to get questioned about dancing with Paige. Maybe Hanna had seen them together. What was she going to say? Explain, she reminded herself. The only reason Paige was dancing with her was to save her from some jerk. That's all that it was.
"Did you see any girls you liked tonight?" Hanna asked with a grin.
Emily released a breath, shaking her head. "No girl there was interested in me, Hanna," she replied cynically.
"You don't know that," Hanna replied. "And come on, spill," she insisted. "I need to know what your type is."
"My type?" Emily asked, shifting awkwardly. "Why do you need to know that?"
"So we can find you a new girrrrl, Ems. So tell me."
Emily shook her head. "I don't know." It was the absolute last thing she wanted to be talking about.
"You have to know. Come on, am I your type?" Hanna goaded teasingly.
"Hanna," Emily replied, rolling her eyes.
"Ouch!" Hanna retorted, laughing.
"You're wasted," Emily said with a small laugh. "You're not even going to remember tomorrow."
"Fine!" Hanna relented as she leaned her head down on the pillow on the opposite side of the bed and pulled the covers over herself. "But you better tell me tomorrow."
Emily breathed a sigh of relief, but as she lay down, she had to consider Hanna's words. Maybe Hanna was right. Maybe she should meet someone. Maybe that was what she needed, a girl to be around, to touch and kiss, so she would stop ogling Paige like some kind of disgusting lecher. The idea of being in a relationship again though seemed so strange, starting over with some perfect stranger. Is that really what it took?
Maybe she could just let this thing about Paige go. It was ridiculous, and it wasn't like Paige was walking around in her underwear all of the time. Tomorrow, it would be different. Tomorrow, she'd forget this whole thing. It would feel like none of it ever happened, and she'd just laugh that she ever even had this brief momentary lapse of prudence. Yet, as much as she tried to tell herself that it was just some half-witted fleeting feeling that she let get out of hand, nothing could deny that her entire body had felt on fire.
Even now, hours later, as she laid her head on the pillow and pulled the sheet over her body, it still did.