4. Trading Life Stories

As the day wound its inexorable way toward dusk, Stroud led his group away from the countryside around Kirkwall, and Bethany's old life fell ever farther away from her. The possibility that she would never again see her family weighed heavily upon her and, unnoticed by the men, Bethany's lips quivered as she walked, silent tears carving lines through the dust on her face. Walking beside the woman, lost in her own thoughts, Kalli almost didn't see Bethany wipe away the tears. Kalli did see, however and felt moved to respond, clasping Bethany's right hand in her left, squeezing it reassuringly for a long moment.

Bethany turned her face towards the elf as Kalli released her hand. Speaking softly so as to not draw the others' attention, Kalli enquired, "Are you all right?"

Shutting her eyes tight against more tears, Bethany nodded. "I will be. Thank you. I..." she trailed off and looked away from the elf, throat working as she struggled to master her emotions. "I'm sorry," she said after a moment, voice hitching.

"Don't be," Kalli replied. "What you've been through recently, it is a huge thing to deal with. If you ever want to talk about anything-"

"I don't wish to burden you with my problems," Bethany said, shaking her head.

Kalli laughed softly. "You are no burden. I mean it, though. When we arrive at our intended destination, we'll sit and talk. I told you we could trade life stories and I meant it. But if it's your wish, I'll leave you be."

"No. I appreciate it, Kalli." Bethany sighed, the excitement of the morning's skirmish having long since abated. "Mother will be beside herself with worry by now and Garrett is likely kicking himself for bringing me on the expedition."

"Garrett's your brother, I gather?"

Bethany nodded. "My older brother. I had a twin. Carver." Bethany sniffed. "The Blight," she finished, unable to go on.

Again, Kalli gripped the young woman's hand. "You have my sympathy. For whatever that's worth."

Bethany swallowed, choking back a sob. "Thank you," she whispered. After a moment, she continued, voice stronger. "He could be so infuriating at times but he was my brother and I miss him."

Sensing the younger woman was only a memory or two away from breaking entirely, Kalli hastened to find a different topic of discussion. She inclined her head toward the rest of the group. "What are your impressions of the others?"

As before, Stroud, Redmond and Josef walked a moderate distance ahead of the women, occasionally talking quietly amongst themselves. Likely about the women, Kalli guessed. If I know shems, they're likely comparing our womanly assets she thought with a grim smile.

She cast a glance at Bethany. Even with the fine patina of road dust clinging to her clothing and skin and eyes red with unshed tears, she was gorgeous. And vulnerable. Maker alone knew how long it had been since the men had been with a woman and Kalli swore an oath to herself to keep Bethany safe from any unwelcome attention.

If Bethany were to kindle a relationship with one of the others and slept with him of her own accord, then Kalli would not interfere but if any of them were disinclined to keep what was in their pants in their pants, there would be blood. Kalli's lips tilted upward in a wicked grin. Blood and a great deal of screaming.

"I haven't gotten to know the others very well," Bethany began. "I think they see me as a liability."

Kalli raised an eyebrow. "After this morning?"

Bethany shrugged. "I've never been apart from my family before. I feel as though I don't fit here."

The elf remained silent a moment, considering. "I think I know what you mean. I was born in the Denerim alienage, spent my life there. My cousins and I used to go out into the rest of the city together sometimes. But never alone. It isn't safe." Kalli forced herself to think of something else – every time she thought of what had befallen Shianni, rage and guilt all but overwhelmed her being. "Bethany, listen." The younger woman's head turned to her as she continued walking. "The others will come around. Wardens tend to be a fairly close-knit community – we look out for each other." She smiled, "And if they don't come around, I'm here. Us against the world."

Bethany laughed softly. "I'd like that."

The women fell into a companionable silence after that until Kalli asked, "So, which of them do you fancy?"

Eyes wide, Bethany answered, "Kalli!" Maker! Isabela would love her!

The elf replied with a laugh, "Oh come on. What do you think they're discussing? Philosophy? I've spent enough time in the wilderness with shemlen males to know how they think."

Feeling her face blush, Bethany asked, "And how do they think?"

Kalli pointed to Redmond's broad back, "Take friend Redmond, for example. He's thinking, The elf has nice big eyes but Bethany-" Kalli placed two fingers in her mouth and wolf-whistled. Curiously, the men looked over their shoulders. Kalli smiled and waved. The one named Josef raised a hand in reply though his gaze was directed at Bethany. The mage flushed almost scarlet. "You're awful!" she hissed.

The elf laughed again. "Did you catch that look just then? The 'I don't know that girl but I want to know her' look."

"Kalli!" Yes, Isabela would definitely love her.

Æ

The wardens stopped for the evening at a little hamlet – little more than farmland enveloping a collection of small houses, a tavern, Chantry and trading post. The road-weary travellers made for the tavern; the sunset painting the horizon an array of red and orange.
A few farmers returning home from a day in the fields nodded to the strangers. The group halted outside the tavern's iron-banded wooden door as above them, the sign bearing the establishment's name – Weary Travellers' Rest – creaked slightly in the light breeze.

Stroud rubbed at tired, gritty eyes for a moment before he addressed his fellows. "I shall see if there are any rooms available here. The rest of you can make yourselves comfortable inside."

"Thank blessed Andraste," Josef muttered as he pushed open the door, holding it for his fellows. "Feels like my feet are going to snap off at the ankles."

Bethany nodded her thanks to the man as she entered the tavern. Initially the interior space reminded her of Dane's Refuge in Lothering and The Hanged Man in equal measure. A second, longer look at the bear and deer trophies mounted on the wooden walls and the large black bear's pelt in the centre of the main room revealed it was not much like either.

The atmosphere inside the Weary Travellers' Rest was less offensive to the nose as well. The air inside the Hanged Man always seemed to carry a faint reek of stale vomit and piss. The young mage found herself missing the place, though. Perhaps it was less the place and more her companions. I miss Varric's tales. I miss Isabela's sense of humour and the way she loves to bait Aveline.

Circus padded past Bethany, sniffing his way around this new environment until he reached the bear-rug, upon which he fell into a deep sleep. Kalli lingered in the doorway a moment after the rest entered, green-eyed gaze traversing the room, assessing the overall threat level. The tavern was sparsely populated with only a few tables occupied and none of those in attendance – farmhands and labourers judging by their clothing took much notice of the newcomers beyond a brief glance as they entered.

Kalli noted one man's eyes widen appreciatively as Bethany stepped past the bar. I don't think she realises how many heads turn in her presence. Kalli felt the same man's eyes upon her as she walked into the tavern proper. The man's gaze swept down then up before settling on Kalli's modest bust. Then again maybe it's just a case of any port in a storm. Bloody shems.

As Stroud spoke to the large-bellied bartender about the rooms, the other wardens settled themselves around a large rounded table at the rear of the establishment. Kalli unsheathed the blades on her back and fell gratefully into a seat, weapons resting against the side of her chair, within easy reach. Bethany slid into the wooden chair beside her, staff propped against the table. Josef and Redmond claimed chairs opposite the women, leaving a seat for Stroud. As the senior warden arrived at the table, bearing a tray laden with pints of ale, Bethany asked of Kalli, "Why do you carry so many blades?"

Kalli ran a hand through her mane of dark hair, wincing as her fingers tangled in a knot. I'm going to need a haircut soon. To Bethany she said, "A few reasons – partly because I like to be prepared for any eventuality, partly because I'm a pack-rat."

Redmond took up a pint and grinned, "Pack-rat? How many of those blades are stolen?"

The elf favoured the human with a tight smile. "All of them," she answered. "We elvhen, we just love taking things that don't belong to us. Especially bright, shiny objects!"

The shem's eyes narrowed for a moment before he laughed. Redmond swigged his ale. "You're not bad, elf."

Stroud settled himself into the empty chair with a sigh. Addressing the group at large, he began. "I have secured two rooms for the evening." He nodded to Bethany and Kalli. "The ladies will have the luxury of their own room."

Kalli nodded her thanks to the elder warden. Stroud cracked a smile, "Of course, luxury is a relative term – I understand the lodgings are quite primitive."

"It doesn't matter," Bethany put in, taking a mouthful of her ale. "I'm just glad of a bed." Bethany swallowed the drink with a grimace, placed the pint back on the table.

Redmond grinned at the girl's discomfiture. "Don't drink it like that – all ladylike," he gently admonished. "Drink it like this." The warrior grabbed his stein, raised it to his mouth and, head tilted back, drank off the pint in moments, rivulets of amber fluid running down his stubbled chin. Redmond banged the now-empty mug down on the table and wiped his face.

Kalli looked on with a smile as, urged on by the others, Bethany gamely raised the mug in both hands and attempted to emulate Redmond's example. Head thrown back, Bethany's throat worked as she drank down the bitter-tasting ale. Feeling somewhat light-headed, she lowered the mug as Redmond and Josef applauded. "Another round!" Redmond called to the barkeep.

Æ

"I shouldn't be alive," Kalli spoke quietly. The former Warden Commander had spent much of the evening deciding how best to explain things to Bethany, once the wardens had retired to their respective rooms for the night. In the end, she decided to start at the end – the events surrounding the Landsmeet and her actions. Stroud had been right when he referred to the lodgings as primitive – the room was a stark contrast to the tavern's well-furnished main room with only a set of bunk beds against one wall along with a rough wooden table and two chairs.

On the bright side, there was a dull metal wash basin and strips of old cloth on the table, allowing the women a brief, cold sponge bath before settling in for the night. Kalli turned away from Bethany as she washed, staring steadfastly at the unvarnished wall.

"Why do you say such a thing?" Bethany now replied, leaning across the table.

"Have you never wondered why only a grey warden can kill an archdemon? After all, if anybody could do it, the world would have no need of us."

Kalli leaned back in her seat, giving Bethany time to consider her answer. The elf idly stroked Circus' fur as the mabari slumbered beside her. Carefully observing the other woman, Kalli saw Bethany's eyes widen as realisation stuck. "It's the taint, isn't it?" she quietly asked.

The elven woman nodded. "Most people believe that, between Blights, the darkspawn just disappear." She waved a hand through the air, fingers twitching as though casting a spell. Bethany nodded in understanding as Kalli continued. "Truth is, the surviving spawn, most of them, return to the deep roads. Without an archdemon to lead them, they continue tunnelling into the earth, seeking to free yet another old god. When they find one," Kalli rested her forearms on the table, looking into Bethany's brown eyes for emphasis, "Their taint corrupts the god and we have another archdemon." Kalli leaned back once more, hand returning to the dog.

Bethany chewed her lower lip for a moment. "What would happen if somebody who wasn't a warden killed the archdemon?"

"When an archdemon dies, it's soul or whatever it is jumps to the nearest darkspawn and that becomes an archdemon. Kill that and the soul jumps again."

"Maker's breath," Bethany murmured, "The archdemon sounds invulnerable."

"It is." Kalli nodded. "Unless a grey warden – somebody who also carries the taint kills it. Then the soul tries to possess the warden." Kalli paused a moment. "Care to guess what happens when the archdemon tries to possess somebody who already has a soul?"

"I...I suppose they would both die. Maker, that's terrible." Bethany shook her head, confusion writ large across her face. "Then how did you survive? The stories are true, aren't they? You did kill it yourself?"

Kalli nodded. "Picked up a greatsword longer than I am tall and ran its head through." Kalli sighed and looked away, studying the night sky through the room's single window. A few stars were visible as was the waxing moon. "How did I survive?" she spoke quietly, and Bethany leaned forward, the better to hear. "I was young and stupid." Kalli said flatly.

Head tilted to one side, Bethany answered, "You're not much older than I am."

The elf turned to face her, lips curved in a wry smile. She raised a hand in surrender. "Fine. I was younger and stupider." She sighed again and to Bethany, that single exhalation of breath sounded as though the elf shouldered a great burden. "I was young, stupid, selfish." She sniffed. "And in love."

The mage blinked in surprise. "I wasn't expecting that," she admitted.

Kalli smirked, leathers creaking as she shifted in her seat. "Yes, the story-tellers seem obsessed with presenting me as a fair maiden, pure of heart and a kind, noble soul." She raised a hand, forestalling any protest from Bethany. "Want to know how I became a warden? I don't mean the Joining part – you already know of that. I mean how I was recruited?"

Bethany nodded. Kalli began, speaking slowly at first, feeling the pain as she recounted the events in the alienage – the day of her arranged marriage to an elf from another city, Duncan's presence and how the shemlen nobles had strode in as though they owned the place. "Nobles believe they own everything. And everybody," Kalli added bitterly. "The arl of Denerim's son, Vaughan and his fellows abducted me and my bridal party including my cousin Shianni. I don't think I have to explain to you what they intended to do with us."

Not knowing how else to respond, Bethany reached across the table and clasped the elf's hand. "I...don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

Kalli looked down at the hand a moment. "They didn't get a chance to...have me. The warden, Duncan gave Soris a sword. Duncan couldn't get involved in things directly but Soris took that blade," Kalli rose from her seat and picked up the longsword by the bed, "This blade and he cut his way into the arl's castle and freed me." Kalli replaced the sword and returned to her chair. "But the shems had already taken Shianni away and killed another of my bridal party – someone I'd known my entire life. My betrothed accompanied Soris to the estate and he too was cut down, right in front of me."

Something about Kalli's matter of fact delivery, the way her eyes seemed to stare helplessly into the past as though seeing the events unfold all over again, moved Bethany to tears and she wiped her eyes. The elf continued. "Soris and I, we...well I guess you could say we went berserk. I was so angry at what they'd done, consumed with rage. Do you know how that feels?"

"No," was all Bethany could say.

"We stalked the halls of the estate, killed every damn shem we could find – guards, cooks it didn't matter. I lost all track of time but eventually we found Shianni. And that bastard Vaughan." Kalli inhaled a shuddering breath, looked away again. Dark clouds had obscured the moon. "But he had already...taken Shianni. If I hadn't been so blinded with rage, so obsessed with making them pay, I could have saved her. I should have saved her." When she looked back at Bethany, Kalli's eyes brimmed with tears. Once more Bethany took her hand, an empty gesture but all she could offer.

Kalli wiped her eyes and made a visible effort to master herself. "I'm sorry," she said dully.

"You have nothing to apologise for."

"Don't I?" Kalli shot back. "Shianni...what was done to her, that was my fault. I slaughtered my way through that place and by the dread wolf, I enjoyed it." Perhaps reacting to the stress in his mistress' voice, Circus rose to his feet and rested his head in her lap, whining gently. "I saved her, yes but if I'd been thinking clearly, I could have reached her earlier."

Aware that nothing she could say or do would ease the elf's feelings of guilt and remorse, Bethany made no reply. Voice unsteady, she asked, "What happened after?"

"We got Shianni home. Wasn't long before the city guards arrived to arrest Soris and I. I wouldn't let him take any blame, though. If anybody had to face punishment, it was going to be me." Kalli's lips twisted in a humourless smile. "You should have seen the look on the idiot guard's face when I told him I alone was responsible for the bloodbath in the estate." Kalli paused as though savouring the memory. After a moment, she continued. "They were all set to arrest me and have me executed when Duncan intervened and invoked the Right of Conscription."

"What's that?" Bethany enquired.

"Wardens usually select potential recruits based on their skill in battle – knights, warriors and such. Occasionally, if they find a promising candidate, say somebody who's just killed an estate full of people and is about to be arrested, tried and executed, they conscript that person." Kalli paused for effect. "And the Right of Conscription is absolute. The person on whom it is invoked has no say. Neither does anybody else. I went willingly though." Kalli shrugged. "It was either this or hanging."

Silence, broken only by the faint sounds of their breathing settled over the women. Bethany did not know what to think. No wonder the elves viewed humans with suspicion. What if she were in Shianni's position? My brothers would have gone to any lengths to get me back. Shifting in her seat, Bethany asked, "Before, you said you were in love?"

Kalli nodded, smiling a little. "You forgot young, stupid and selfish. But yes. I met somebody, after Ostagar. A human, if you can believe that. We had stopped at a small village, Lothering."

Excitedly, Bethany answered, "We lived in Lothering!"

This unexpected revelation lifted Kalli's spirits and she began to wonder what else she and Bethany might have in common. "Perhaps you knew her, then? Her name was Leliana." She paused, studying Bethany's expression. The woman's eye's widened, perhaps in recognition of the name, perhaps not. "Does that shock you?" she asked. "That I loved another woman?"

Bethany shook her head. "Maybe a year or two ago it might have but..." she laughed to herself. In response to Kalli's raised eyebrows, she explained, "A friend of mine in Kirkwall told me she's been with men, women, elves. A dwarf in drag once. But she doesn't recommend it."

Kalli laughed. "A dwarf in drag!" she echoed. "Oh stars! One of these days, we'll return to Kirkwall. I must meet your friends."

Bethany smiled. "I knew Sister Leliana, but not well. We sometimes saw her at the Chantry. I didn't spend a lot of time around there. Templars," she clarified.

"Yes," Kalli answered. "We met Leliana and she joined our group when we departed Lothering." She sighed. "That village deserved a better fate." Bethany nodded in silent agreement. "I can't point to when it happened," Kalli continued. "But she and I...grew close. She was a bard and loved to tell stories. I loved listening to them. Actually, I just loved the sound of her voice. Her voice, her smile. Her...holy Andraste, I sound like a giddy teenage girl with her first crush!"

Bethany shook her head and smiled. "I'm glad the two of you were able to find some happiness."

"So," Kalli continued in lowered tones. "I was in love and didn't want to die. Selfish."

"But all you wanted was for you and Leliana to be together. To be happy. Surely that can't be so bad?"

Kalli's voice firmed. "A grey warden puts service to others above everything else, even love. Wynne had been right – she told me something like that would happen. I think she knew...about the taint and archdemon. She told me to let Leliana go." Kalli choked back a sob, her emotions in turmoil. "I couldn't do it. Then, after the Landsmeet, Morrigan came to me and told me of a ritual that would save me. I was weak and accepted."

Shaking her head so hard tendrils of hair took flight, Bethany protested, "You aren't weak."

Kalli laughed harshly. "Look at me! I'm sitting here about to fall apart in front of you."

"Why are you so hard on yourself? Surely after everything you've accomplished, you deserve-"

"No," Kalli cut her off, voice hard. She voiced part of the Warden Oath. "In war, victory. In peace, vigilance."

Bethany let this go; perhaps her companion was right. "You mentioned a ritual? What did it entail?"

"I don't know what manner of magic Morrigan used. It involved sex, though." Kalli's mouth twisted in a lopsided grin. "Not with me, with Loghain. Morrigan was quite attractive, physically. Some days though...I could have cheerfully strangled her and turned her into dog chow." At this, Circus whined and Kalli scratched between his ears. "You're right, she would have tasted bitter." Kalli elaborated for Bethany. "You know that, at the Landsmeet, I fought Teyryn Loghain?"

Bethany said nothing. It was this aspect of the warden's tale she was most curious about. According to her brothers, Loghain's betrayal at Ostagar culminated in the slaughter of the army. Surely, the teyryn should have faced judgement? Kalli noted the woman's silence. "Your brothers fought at Ostagar?" she ventured a guess.

"Yes," Bethany replied neutrally.

"And you want to know why the man who betrayed the king and left the army to die yet lives?"

"I realise executing him would not bring them back but I can't help but feel..." Bethany opened and closed her hands. "He shouldn't have been allowed to get away with it."

"Despite everything he did, Loghain was still the same man who threw out the Orlesians and men respected him. He knew how to lead men in battle and in all honesty, how many shems would have followed me, a half-literate elf from the alienage? At the time, I honestly believed we needed him to win. So I spared him and he became a grey warden. Alistair screamed at me. I screamed back and Alistair left." Kalli shook her head. "I haven't seen him since, don't know what became of him."

"It's probably not the same man but before I left Kirkwall, somebody named Alistair was drinking in the Hanged Man," Bethany explained. "He claimed he was the legitimate heir to the throne. We all assumed he was just very drunk. But now it makes sense."

Tiredly, Kalli rubbed her face with her hands. "Wonderful. Yet another decision with which to flagellate myself."

Reaching across the table, Bethany took her friend's hand in both of hers. "Listen," she began, voice firm. "You can't keep punishing yourself like this."

Listlessly, Kalli replied, "If I don't, who will?"

Still holding Kalli's hand, Bethany asked, "Are you willing to hear some advice from somebody completely out of her depth?" When Kalli nodded, Bethany took a breath before forging on. "You have to stop letting your past mistakes rule your life. You can't change the past but you can learn from it."

"I'm trying," Kalli replied. "You are right, of course. I'll think about what you said." Gently, Kalli removed her hand from Bethany's warm grasp. Abruptly she rose, pushed the chair against the table and faced the bunks. "You want the top or the bottom?" she enquired.

"Bottom," Bethany replied. She watched as Kalli nimbly ascended the rough wooden ladder affixed to the bunks and climbed into the hard bed. "Good night, Kalli."

Author's Note: So this chapter ran longer than I expected but apparently, Kalli had a lot to say.