"Okay, so we're about to see an epic battle royale with a bunch of turtles... Alright, let's do this." Vegeta said, clicking play.
"You seem excited for this, Vegeta." Nappa said.
"Battle. Royale." Vegeta said simply.
(Cues Invader- Jim Johnston)
Wiz: Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo, Raphael. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were grown from ooze and raised by a warrior rat in the sewers of New York to be the world's most fearsome fighting team.
Vegeta did a back take and looked at the screen as if they told him something completely insane. "The fuck?" He asked.
"It's still not the craziest story you'll ever hear, Vegeta." Nappa said.
"Let me guess: you're defending them because you're part of the production on the new movie?" Vegeta asked.
"Yep!" Nappa confirmed, to which Vegeta sighed.
"Goddammit, Nappa."
Boomstick: Lots of superheroes have some weird origins, but this one is plain ridiculous.
"I agree." Vegeta said.
Baby turtles appear to be mutated by some kind of atomic sludge that transformed them into anthropomorphic reptiles and raised by a rat who also appears to have been mutated as well. Upon closer inspection, they notice their hands have two fingers and a thumb while they have two toes on their feet.
"Aww, their cu-" Nappa satarted.
"Do you SERIOUSLY have to call every creature you see cute? Those aren't cute. They're freaky-ass mutants." Vegeta said.
"I told you, Vegeta, I find the beauty in everything. I can find something good to say about everyone." Nappa said.
"Oh, really? Whaddya got for me?" Vegeta asked.
"Uh..." Nappa said, as if he couldn't think of something.
"Oh, fuck off, Nappa!" Vegeta snapped, continuing the episode.
Wiz: Their greatest advantage in battle is their family bond and teamwork. But on their own, which turtle is deadliest?
"Oh, they're family, huh? So, we're gonna watch brothers kill each other? That's fucked up." Vegeta said.
"Dark." Nappa agreed.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
The first turtle is wearing blue and wielding two straight katanas. He looks skilled and intimidating to look at, which makes him look like a deadly warrior and capable leader.
Leonardo
Background
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 180 lbs.
Master of ninjitsu, Bushido & Swordsmanship
Skilled at using the environment
Favorite Color: Blue
(Cue marching instrumental version of 1987 TMNT cartoon theme)
Wiz: Leonardo, the leader of the team is smart, strategic with a strong sense of honor.
Boomstick: Too bad he traded his sense of humor for that sense of honor. This guy always means serious business.
"Oh, come on. You don't need to take everything seriously. In my case, I almost never have to take things seriously." Vegeta said.
"That's why you were beaten up my a girl." Nappa said.
"Go to hell, Nappa!" Vegeta shouted.
Ninjaken Swords
2 ft. long
Designed for swift, deadly, offensive strikes
Also called Ninjato
Commonly referred to Katana
Invented by Hollywood (Nappa: Yay!)
Boomstick: His weapon of choice is the ninjaken swords: Shorter, sturdier and straighter than an ordinary katana and designed for swift, deadly strikes! Out of all the turtles' weapons, the ninjaken is the only weapon designed specifically to murder people! And what's better than one Ninjaken? Two, dammit!
"Swords..." Nappa said as if he were entranced.
"It reminds me of Raiden's sword in that Metal Gear game I played." Vegeta said.
Wiz: In many timelines, Leonardo's the one who ultimately destroys the Shredder, though always with plenty of help.
"Just like Kakarot or his kid always need MY help to beat the ultimate enemies, like Frieza and Cell." Vegeta said.
"That Shredder guy looks like he should be in movies." Nappa said.
Skill Set
Expert Strategist
Sword Master
Strong both physically and mentally
seriously devoted to training and family
Bushido code
Wiz: As leader, he's usually the one with the plan. He spends most of his time training his body and mind under Master Splinter's instructions and follows Bushido, a strict samurai code of honor and duty. At one point, he even fought and killed a sort of physical embodiment of the devil.
The Saiyans were stunned silent by this.
Boomstick: Giving Keanu Reeves a much needed break.
"I don't get it." Vegeta said.
"I think it might be a reference to the matrix, Vegeta." Nappa said.
Wiz: However, Leonardo finds it difficult to accept failure. Should things go horribly wrong, his concentration can easily slip away from him, leaving him sloppy and imprecise.
"Sucks to be him, then." Vegeta said.
"It can happen to all of us, Vegeta. I could get a little sloppy when I'm mad." Nappa defended.
"Yeah, but you suck at fighting, too." Vegeta said.
"You're a jerk." Nappa said.
Boomstick: Leo doesn't like to lose.
"Who does? I honestly want to know." Vegeta said.
Leonardo (1987 cartoon version) Quit clowning around, you guys! This is serious!
The second of the turtles is wearing purple and wielding a bo staff that looks skinnier than the rest. Bulma is interested while Nappa of course thinks he's a nerd because he's tinkering with many kinds of tech and gadgets.
Donatello
Background
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 175 lbs.
Master of Ninjitsu &Bojitsu
Brains & Technician
Favorite Color: Purple
(cue Cowabunga)
Wiz: Donatello is the brains of the bunch.
Boomstick: He does machines!
Wiz: Right, Boomstick, somehow, he learned to operate and manipulate both human and alien technology with no with no formal educations or budget.
"I'm impressed." Bulma said.
"Neeeeerd." Nappa taunted.
Wiz: He also speaks 100% fluent techno-babble.
Donatello: The resulting intermix multi-polar flux should create an Electromagnetic Pulse.
"NEEEEEEEEERD." Vegeta and Nappa said together.
Boomstick: What the hell did I just hear? All that gibberish probably means he trains less than the others, ruining his times with machines!
"Machines aren't a waste of time!" Bulma snapped.
"Only when you invent something useful for me." Vegeta said.
Bo Staff
6 ft. long Bo
Durable
Oak
Longest reach of all the team's weaponry
Rocksteady's worst nightmare
Wiz: Fortunately, his useful Bo Staff makes up for his constant lack of training. Durable oak and 6 feet long, the Bo gives Donatello far more attack range than his other brothers.
"Reminds me of the Power Pole Kakarot uses." Vegeta said in slight anger.
Boomstick: Range is nice, but it takes a lot of time and patience to kill someone with a stick.
"Really? Get me a stick, I'mma test this theory." Vegeta said.
Skill Set
Level-Headed
Bojitsu master
Master technician and Programmer
Rumored IQ of (Bulma was in disbelief)
Fluent in techno-babble
Wiz: He's no expert strategist, that's Leo's turf, but Donatello is considered the most level-headed of the turtles. Even with his time spent tinkering, he's still a very capable warrior, easily keeping up with his brothers and even killing the Shredder in an alternate dimension.
"Yeah, some nerds can still fight. Kakarot's little bastard can show that when he's pissed." Vegeta said.
Boomstick: An ass-kicking nerd? I don't believe it.
"Ha!" Nappa laughed.
Donatello (2003 Cartoon Version): Eh. I'm making this up as I go.
The third turtle appears to be the shortest and the youngest. He wears orange and wields nunchucks.
Michaelangelo
Background
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 170 lbs.
Master of Ninjitsu, Nunchakus, Oriki-Gusari & Pizza whirling
Party Dude
Favorite Color: Orange
Wiz: Michaelangelo is the youngest of the Turtles. He's lazy, undisciplined and easily distracted. He spends his free time playing video games, watching TV, reading comic books and eating pizza.
"I want this one to die." Vegeta said.
"Oh, come on, give him a chance, Vegeta." Nappa said.
Boomstick: That turtle is fucked up!
Wiz and Saiyans: What?
Boomstick: Come on, you cannot tell me that turtle is not on drugs.
"Say no to drugs, kids." Nappa said.
"Yeah, that shit messes with you. Just watch me play Surgeon Simulator." Vegeta agreed.
Wiz: I don't know, I always thought he was dropped as a kid.
"Wow, they're being really mean to that poor turtle." Bulma said.
Boomstick: Hey, look! He has all the signs! Strange eating habits, inability to pay attention, incoherent phrases...
"It reminds me of that time we had to wait for Gohan to come down after he at that apple." Bulma said.
Wiz: Moving on, his weapon of choice is...
Bong
Also known as Mikey's Super Dope Machine
Made by Donatello
Not very effective weapon
Boomstick: The bong!
IT went by so quick, Vegeta had to rewind it for them to read the analysis, but when they all saw it, they burst out laughing. "Good thing we don't make those, or any drugs here at Capsule Corp." Bulma said.
Nunchucks
Also called Nunchakus
Overcomplicated
Looks cool? Maybe? (Vegeta likes them)
A farming tool
Good for strangling
Obviously, Mikey strangles enemies off-screen
Wiz: No, the nunchaku isn't really a weapon at all, it's a farming tool used for threshing grain. These "weapons" are unnecessarily overcomplicated clubs with the effectiveness of a tattered flyswatter.
"Hey, a weapon is a weapon, if you know how to use it, you can fuck people up with it." Vegeta said.
"Yeah. I've had to use nunchucks in one of the movies I added myself in. They're pretty good." He said.
Wiz: Yet SOMEHOW, Michaelangelo has been able to blunder his way through fights to victories he really doesn't deserve!
"Jesus Christ, Wiz, take a fucking chill pill. If he wins the fight then let him have it." Vegeta said.
"Right?" Bulma asked.
"A win is a win, right, Vegeta?" Nappa asked.
"Yeah, sure." Vegeta confirmed.
Boomstick: He even beat Raph once!
Wiz: Sure, I get it, swinging chucks around gives him momentum to hit with, blah, blah, blah, but in the end, a baseball bat will give you the same effect and more with much less effort. Seriously, who came up with these things? They're prepoterous!
Boomstick: You're prepostemous! I don't know...
"Yeah, how about we have Nappa beat the shit out of you with nunchucks and we'll see how much shit you can talk then." Vegeta said.
"I got them right here!" Nappa said, pulling the out of an inside pocket from his jacket.
"Perfect, now if only we could find them." Vegeta said.
Wiz: And for some reason, in all his infinite wisdom, the great master Splinter chose to give the most COMPLICATED weapon to the RETARED of the group. WHY?
Boomstick: Mikey's not gonna win this one, is he?
Wiz: He better not.
Michaelangelo (2007 movie version): "Ho ho, someone's cranky!"
"I think he's talking to you, Wizard." Vegeta said.
The fourth and last turtle is wearing red and wielding twin sais. He looks really tall, muscular and vicious looking.
Raphael
Background
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 190 lbs.
Master of Ninjitsu & Sais
Hot tempered brawn
Favorite color: Red
(cue I Beam Fight from TMNT)
Boomstick: Raph is cool, but crude! Hell, forget crude, this guy's a borderline psycho!
"I like this guy." Vegeta said.
"Oh, no..." Nappa and Bulma said together.
Wiz: Sure to throw the first punch, Raph is currently the most vicious of the team. He's constantly butting heads with the others and challenging Leo's leadership.
"Just like how I should always call the shots, NOT that idiot Kakarot." Vegeta said.
Sais
Dagger-like Truncheon
Used against swords
Primarily defensive
Traps and controls an opponent's weapons
For stabbing, not slicing
Boomstick: He uses twin sais, which is like a combination of a pitchfork, dagger and Wolverine's claws.
"Oh, I'm having such a hard time finding a replacement for Hugh Jackman when he's done as Wolverine." Nappa sighed.
"Yeah, he's the ONLY person for the role." Vegeta agreed.
Wiz: Like the nunchucks, they also humbly began as a farming tool but were re-evaluated to counter the oppressive samurai.
"I like these samurai people." Vegeta said.
"Oh, jeez." Bulma said, facepalming.
Boomstick: They're best used as close-range offensive weapons. The triple prongs are designed to block, trap and control an enemies weapons, while using the pommel to beat enemies into submission. Raph's sais can even snap swords.
"That's pretty cool. Good thing that didn't happen in Metal Gear." Vegeta said.
Skill Set
Vicious and brutal
Sai master
Arguably the toughest of the team
Hot-headed with common fits of rage
Enjoys fighting
Wiz: Raphael is not exactly the smartest fighter, usually rushing into a brawl without a plan and just overpowering a foe.
"Best plan ever." Vegeta said.
"And how many times has that worked, Vegeta?" Nappa asked.
"Dammit." Vegeta said.
Wiz: Because of this, Rapheal spends most of his time honing his skills in combat. It's very likely he's the physically strongest turtle.
Boomstick: Also, this guy is in need of serious anger management.
Wiz: He is naturally hot-headed and sometimes loses control of his rage. He is much more vicious than the other turtles and, at one point in the comics, even became the Shredder himself.
"Ha! What an idiot! Becoming the enemy you either did or tried to destroy!" Vegeta laughed.
"I don't know, Vegeta. Sometimes if you let your anger win, you can even betray yourself." Bulma said.
"Wow, that's deep. I gotta use that in a movie!" Nappa said.
Raphael (90's movie): Damn!
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: Wait a minute, Wiz, I gotta rent the latest Ninja Turtles game first.
Wiz: We have it. We just did all the research.
Boomstick: Gamefly!
"Well, I'm thinkin' it's gonna come down to Leo and Raph, what do you think, Nappa?" Vegeta asked. No response. "Nappa?" He asked, looking over at his former partner, who was now fearfully cuddling with a plush turtle he got from nowhere. Vegeta sighed, knowing he'd regret what he's about to ask. "What are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm worried about this episode, Vegeta! I don't want to see brothers kill each other. Especially not cute turtle mutants!" Nappa said, as if trying not to cry.
"Yeah, this is probably gonna get pretty dark." Vegeta agreed, before starting the fight.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
(cue 1987 tmnt sewer background music)
The two Saiyans see a city at night. The moon is shining brightly with skyscrapers towering in the night sky. The camera zooms towards a manhole that leads into the sewers. Inside the sewers, they see Leo, Raph, Don and Mikey facing each other. They draw their weapons. This fight will end tonight.
FIGHT!
Leo makes his first move and attacks Mikey while Raph and Don face off. Mikey flips back and both him and Leo are now trading blows. Since Mikey is the shortest and lightest of the turtles, that means he's also the fastest and he is easily dodging all of Leo's attacks with graceful agility while he hits back. Raph tries to hit Don, but Don's superior range of his Bo Staff makes it hard for Raph to even get close, forcing him on the defensive. The camera focuses on Leo as he is now flipping backwards to get some good distance until Mikey catches him off-guard and lands a couple of hits. Leo counters with a stab and flips over Mikey, cuts his arm off.
"Nooo!" Nappa screamed as his favorite turtle was cut down as Vegeta's eyes snapped open wide.
As Michaelangelo exclaims in pain, Leo ends his life with a decapitation Mikey's headless body collapsing to the ground.
"JESUS!" Vegeta shouted in shock at the brutal way Leo ended his brother's life.
Raph and Don are still at it, but Raph couldn't land a hit on Donatello. As Leo watched, Don lands several heavy hits on Raphael and turns his staff into a spinning discus that he then uses to smack Raph at a rapid rate. Raph tries to attack from above, but Don caught him and threw him across the sewer next to Leo, now it's his turn. Leo and Don are now trading blows until Leo misses and gets his sword stuck in a crate which Donatello takes the higher ground on a stack of crates and begins hitting Leo in the head. The camera focuses on Raph, who is still out cold, but the Saiyans know he's not done yet. Then his eyes open (cue Stars Align from TMNT) In a fit of rage, he charges at full speed as he shatters and scatters the crates he slammed into, Leo is knocked away and Don hits the ground hard, knocking him out. The Saiyans were now COMPLETELY unprepared as Raph begins stabbing his own brother at a rapid pace, increasing in speed and power, sending blood everywhere as Nappa struggled to keep food down.
"Oh, my god. Vegeta, I'm gonna be sick." Nappa struggled to say.
"Okay, Raph, you got him! Raph, No! Raph, stop! Why are you still stabbing him?! You got him! Raph, stop! Raph! You're being a dick!" Vegeta shouted in horror.
As Raph finally stops stabbing Don (Bulma counted 24 times before running to the bathroom to throw up), Raph and Leo are now glaring daggers at each other as the final fight begins. Both charge and appear evenly matched. Raph gets a lucky hit and knocks Leo into the water. Leo slowly resurfaces as Raph jumps in. They again trade blows until Raph catches Leo's swords in his sais. The tension in the music rises as both brothers are locked in a struggle, trying to overpower each other. Eventually, Raph breaks Leo's swords and before the Saiyans could react, both turtles stab each other at the same time... But Raph only stabbed Leo in a spot that wasn't fatal, while Leo, with the remains of one of his swords... stabs Raph in the throat.
"Holy shit!" They said at the same time.
Raph: DAMN!
"How did he scream like that with a hole in his throat?" Vegeta asked.
They watch in shock and slight horror as Raph slowly falls into the water with a loud splash, turning the water red. Leo slumps over with the sai still in his side. His expression isn't one of victory... but an expression... of horrible regret.
K.O!
The Saiyans were stunned in silence. They both had shed much blood in their time, but they were still in disbelief of the horror and bloodshed they just witnessed.
"And all of you in the comments said I would love this fight. Shame on you." Vegeta said to the 4th wall (he's broken it before).
"It was horrible, Vegeta... 4 brothers slaughtered each other!" Nappa said in horror, clutching his turtle plushie tightly.
"Yeah, that was pretty dark and messed up." Vegeta agreed. "But hey, it's not like this is canon." Vegeta tried to reassure his friend, but it didn't seem to do much. "Screw it, I tried. Wiz, tell us why this happened." Vegeta told the screen.
(cue Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Rock/Metal cover)
Boomstick: Whah hoo hoo! Somebody call an ambulance! Or a vet, I don't know!
"WHYYYY?!" Nappa cried at Boomstick's dark joke.
"WAY too soon, Boomstick." Vegeta said.
Wiz: There is a reason why Leonardo is the leader of the team. Not for strength or speed, but for strategy. Leonardo understands the strengths and weaknesses of the other turtles. His biggest threat was Raph's sword-snapping sais. So he attacked the weakest of the group first.
"Meh. Makes sense." Vegeta said.
Boomstick: This means Leo let Donny beat the hell out of Raph, who couldn't compete with Don's range. By the time Raph got his revenge, Leo was in way better shape for the final duel.
Wiz: And I can already hear all the fanboys raging *imitating an arrogant, misunderstanding, whining fanboy* "But Raph won in the movie, he should win here, nyah, nyah!" NO!
"Yeah, stupid fanboys! Know what you're talking about before you start bitching!" Vegeta snapped.
"And you ALL know who you are." Nappa added.
Wiz: Four reasons. One: The result of the fight was specifically plot constructive, which is rarely accurate.
"Preaching to the choir on that one." Vegeta said.
Wiz: Two, Leonardo absolutely DECIMATED Raph in the fistfight beforehand. Three: Leonardo didn't want to fight at all. If he did, he would've killed Raphael right here.
Boomstick: Tilt the blade, slide left, bam! No more Raph.
"Sounds about right." Nappa agreed.
Wiz: And four: that whole movie made no sense to begin with. Why should this?
"Haven't seen it." Vegeta said.
"Meh. 6 out of 10. The new Michael Bay ones are WAY better." Nappa said.
"Because you helped with them?" Vegeta asked.
"Yep!" Nappa confirmed happily, to which Vegeta facepalmed.
Boomstick: But, hey, Leo could still die from that stab, right?
Wiz: Doubtful for several reasons. Turtles proportionately have smaller organs and much more muscle mass than humans, meaning there's little chance Raphael hit anything important. Leo's actually been stabbed plenty of times in the series and walked away. And all four turtles have been trained in Chi Kung and can control their breathing and heart rate to survive extreme conditions.
"I'mma have to look into that." Vegeta said.
Boomstick: Looks like Leo got to the point of this battle!
Wiz: The winner is Leonardo.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle, Leo may taste victory now, but the fight is just beginning.
The Saiyans look slightly confused that Leo is fighting again and his opponent is some kind of large anthropomorphic toad/frog.
"What the fuck is that?!" Vegeta asked.
"Only one way to find out." Nappa said.
"Well, no way that will be worse than this one. Let's do it." Vegeta said, clicking the next episode.
Disclaimer
Hey guys chapter 6 of Two Saiyans watch Death Battle is up and I just want to make somethings clear 1. I don't own Death Battle, DBZ, or DBZ abridged and I'm not making profits 2. Sai Kunai Blade gave me permission to adopt this story so I'm not copying off him and 3. I'm not trying to make any profit nor am I claiming anything in this story as my own I'm trying to put my own spin on this story and Spider-Man and the Guardians of the Galaxy story so please to those who's harassing me about it and you know who you are stop I'm just trying to entertain people so please leave me alone.