Chapter Nine
"Oh, not again," the Doctor said, throwing up his hands in frustration the moment Rory was felled by a poison arrow.
"Rory!" Amy sobbed as she fell to her knees beside him. "Oh God, how could this happen?"
"You wanna know how it happened?" the Doctor said angrily. "It happened because that wanker Moffat can't stop killing bleedin' Rory!"
"Moffat? Who's Moffat?" Amy said, looking up at him.
The Doctor didn't answer. Instead, he walked over to a nearby newsagent, purchased the weekend edition of the London Times and grumbled to himself about Moffett while he rolled it up. Amy then watched in silent shock as the Doctor got back in the TARDIS and left her behind.
"Um…okay…" Amy said when the TARDIS disappeared.
A few seconds later, the TARDIS reappeared in the same spot. The door opened and Steven Moffat ran out the door followed by the Doctor who was thwacking him on the head with the rolled up newspaper.
"Bad writer!" the Doctor said as he hit him with the newspaper. "Bad, bad writer, killing Rory. Bad boy!"
"What the hell are ya doing?" Moffat said, trying to cover his head while the Doctor assaulted him with the newspaper.
"I'm teaching you not to kill Rory!" the Doctor said, grabbing his shirt collar.
The Doctor pulled Moffat over to Rory and jerked his head down.
"See that? You see that? Bad writer! No kill!" the Doctor said, pointing to dead Rory.
Amy gasped when the Doctor made Moffat get on his knees. He then shoved the stunned writer's head directly into Rory's chest while he continued to hit him on the head with the rolled up newspaper.
"Doctor, what are you doing?" Amy said.
"I'm putting his nose in it so he learns not to do it again," the Doctor said while he hit Moffat with the newspaper. "Bad writer! No kill! No kill! Do I have to do the same thing my predecessor did when Davies allowed that god awful Absorbaloff to be on the show? Do I have to put you in the kennel?"
"No, not the kennel!" Moffat screamed.
"Then stop killing Rory!" The Doctor said, jerking him to his feet. "Bad writer! No kill! You hear me! No kill!"
"Okay, okay, no kill!" Moffat said, holding up his hands in surrender.
"Good! Good writer! No kill!" the Doctor said, patting him on the head.
Moffat breathed a sigh of relief but it was short-lived because the Doctor suddenly grabbed him by the lapel while Amy watched in confusion.
"Now that we have that sorted out, here's another bad thing you did," the Doctor said, pulling Moffat along.
He led him over to the new Daleks he had created in series five. Moffat gasped when the Doctor resumed his thwacking over the head.
"Bad writer! Bad writer creating these daft Daleks," the Doctor said while he hit him on the head.
Amy walked over and stood a few feet away while the Doctor shoved Moffat's nose into the front of the yellow Dalek.
"See that? You see that? Bad writer! No making daft multicolored Daleks!"
"Doctor, what are you doing to that man?" Amy said.
"I told you, Pond, I'm putting his nose in it so he knows not to do it again," the Doctor said in exasperation. "Now…are you going to go to your computer and bring Rory back to life and bring the old Daleks back?"
"Yes," Moffat said, trembling. "Just let me go, please. I'll fix everything."
"See that you do," the Doctor said, letting go of him. "Now…go find a computer. Go!"
The Doctor sighed when Moffat ran off to find the nearest computer.
"See, Amy, sometimes you have to be firm with these writers," he said to her. "They need love but you have to be strict with them as well, otherwise they'll just do whatever they want. Now…where's the crossword?"
The Doctor unrolled the newspaper and opened it, whistling cheerfully while he looked for the crossword puzzle. Amy shook her head.
"Just when I thought I'd seen everything with the Doctor, he goes and does something completely mental," she muttered to herself as she turned and followed him.