Odds and Ends
A Crash Bandicoot Fanfiction by Chicflick
Welcome back to another interesting chapter! Sorry if you might find a couple of screw-ups; Microsoft Word 2007 isn't working worth crap. So, uh, on with the story.
Cortex stood in the middle of his lab, with a dark look on his face. "That bandicoot will die, N. Gin."
"Yes, sir."
"My plans are completely fool-proof! All I need to do now is capture that blasted girl!"
"Yes, sir, the girl."
"And the new ship I will go to Earth in is simply indestructible!"
"Yes, Doctor."
"Are you just being a 'Yes-man'?"
"... Y-yes, Master Cortex."
"Hm. Good."
The two characters were zooming down the road. Jack, who was simply thinking of home, was dreaming of laying on the beaches of N. Sanity Island. He pictured himself as Crash Bandicoot, napping from eating several Wumpa Fruit.
His wonderful daydreams were cut short when Kate tapped on his left shoulder. "Hm?" he replied.
"Um, I thought I should tell you I have to use the lady's room," she told him.
"What? But you went at the motel only a couple of hours ago!"
"Well, excuse me for drinking three glasses of orange juice before I left!"
"Fine. We'll stop at the nearest gas station, okay?"
"Noted."
The nearest gas station was suprisingly near. Jack pulled to a stop in the parking lot. Kate hastily got off of the bike, making a mad dash to the bathroom in the gas station. Jack figured he had nothing better to do than check out the inside. He casually sauntered into the gas station, taking a good look at the scenery.
Although there wasn't much to really look at besides a slushie machine and the cashier, Jack noticed a poster with an alien on it. He looked at it, and it read, "Welcome to the most visited area by the Third Kind in the USA!"
'Heh, I don't doubt it was Nitrous Oxide stopping by for a few tests and racing tips, he thought. Alright, enough admiring my surroundings. I'm gonna make small talk with that cashier girl.'
Just as Jack started to walk over to the desk, he felt a vibrating in his pocket. He reached his hand into his pocket to find a small device with a button, a speaker, and a small screen. He suspected that this was a type of cell phone, walkie-talkie, or something like that. He groaned, and walked outside. He held the button, and said, "Hello?"
"Crash!"
"Coco?"
"Oh, thank God you made it there okay!"
"What do you want? I don't know how long I have to be alone."
"Well, I was just checking to see if you got the girl."
"'The girl', Kate, is fine, believe me."
"Any signs of that yellow screw-ball?"
"Hm... nope. He's in some sort of space station, I bet."
"Yeah. Does she know that you're a..."
"Bandicoot? No. Thanks to your helmet, and my most excellent resourcefulness, the girl knows me as Jack, a former biker who works for the American government."
She snickered. "Well, 'Jack', I should be going. Don't embarrass yourself too much okay?"
"Heh-heh-heh. At least I don't shove my face in front of a computer instead of getting out and relishing what's left of this Uka-forsaken planet that would be doomed if I didn't live on it!" he said in one breath.
"You don't deserve the things I do for you!"
"What? What's that? Krrrr... You're...Krrrrrrrr...Breaking up...Krrrr..."
"Crash!"
"Coc...Krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." He released his grip on the black button.
"Jack!" yelled a female's voice.
"What?" he replied, seeing that it was Kate.
"Are you ready to go?" she asked.
"Uh... Yeah. Let's go."
"N. Gin, prepare the ship. I'm ready to leave and end that miserable bandicoot's life," said none other than Cortex.
"Yes, sir. The airship is prepared for take-off." replied the short henchman, N. Gin.
"Very good, N. Gin. Now, prove useful and go get the robots."
"Yes, Doctor."
After N. Gin had left to go and retrieve the ten robots that Cortex had prepared, Cotrex decided to get inside of the ship.
"That blasted bandicoot won't stand a chance against her. By then, he will have grown attached, making him weak. I've got 'em both in my grasp."
Jack was thinking. 'You know, I'm going to need some sort of weoponry to fight that tard. Some sort of way to defend Kate and I. I mean, usually, I would be able to burst into my tornado-like form, but around here, I don't think that would be to grand of a plan. So, where the heck am I going to find a a gun store in the middle of the desert?'
He saw a small area of cluttered buildings about a mile from where he was driving. He slowed the speed of his bike, and took a look at the town. He noticed a salon, a police station, and- just as fate would have it, he saw a firearms shop.
He grinned maliciously at the irony. 'Well, it looks like this litlle adventure is going to be chucked full of ironic situations, I suppose,' he thought.
Jack parked next to the shop. "Okay, it looks like we're stopping here, Kate. We're going in."
"The... gunstore? Why would we need to go in there?" she asked.
"Take a wild guess."
Kate just rolled her eyes. Jack pressed the small button on the back of his helmet, causing the visor to duo walked inside of the small shop, to find that it was kind of musty, run-down store that sold hunting supplies.
"Great. It's not like I'm hunting deer," he muttered.
Suddenly, a man that seemed to be in his late 50's walked in. He appeared to be Latino, with long, dark brown hair. His face seemed worn in wrinkles, and he had a mustache that was tinted grey with age. He had a few battle scars scattered all over his face. He had a thick sword wedged into a pocket attached to his belt, and he wore a black tank-top and khaki pants. Another thing Jack noticed that he had a necklace with animal teeth.
Kate leaned towards her new friend. "I could swear I've seen this guy in a movie or something."
"May I help you?" said the man in an annoyed tone.
"Yeah, I was looking forward to buying a couple of guns or something here," Jack replied. Kate's eyebrows raised so high, they imitated the St. Louis Arch. 'Well, what else would we be doing in a gunstore?', she thought.
The man's mood instantly changed. "Ha! So, you're a gunsman, yes? Well, in that case I have many choices for you!" Jack shook his head, trying to pass off that he was actually interested in what the guy had to say.
"C'mere, you two." the man said. Jack and Kate did as told, and went to where he was standing by a compound bow. "This here, is my finest bow. It can shoot very far, and the arrows hit with the pressure of 85 pounds. She's very nice, eh?"
"Yeah, but it doesn't really interest me. Got anything else, mate?" Jack asked.
"Yes! Call me Machete. Now, perhaps you'd be interested in this." Machete walked over to a shotgun hanging on two nails. "Now, this is my best shotgun. Double-barrel, both being an inch in diameter. It fires silver bullets-"
"Hey, uh, Machete, I'm not really into in a shotgun." Jack interupted.
Machete sighed. "Look, amigo, what exactly are you into?"
"Well, I really think something like a pistol would be nice."
"How about some hunting knives? The are extremely efficient in killing and skinning-"
"Sorry, but I'm in need of some other guns. C'mon, Kate, Let's go to some other gun store."
Machete was in need of some cash, so he became desperate. "Fine. I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice."
Jack instantly became interested.
"I have a place in the back. Follow me."
Jack looked at Kate, and she did the same. They reluctantly followed him, and eventually they were in a white room.
"Alright, buddy. This is where I keep extra guns. The items here range from pistols to bazookas and rocket launchers." Machete said.
"Sounds more like the black market to me." Kate muttered.
"That's because it is, little girl!" Machete exclaimed. She grimaced.
"So, I guess I could use a pistol, now." Jack said.
"Ah, yes. There is the revolver with a nice 15 millimeter diameter. I also have a twin to make it a pair. We also have stub-nosed revolvers. And, we have clips in silver and black. Any of these to your liking, buddy?"
"Yeah... I think I'll take the a clip, an S&W 908 if you'd please, and four things of ammo. By the way, call me Jack." As he thought about it, maybe that name wasn't such a good choice. Who knew how long he would be trapped in this fiasco?
"Jack; what a fine name. Now, I would sell you the pistol and the ammo for around $600 total. But today, since you've been my first customer in months, I will sell everything you buy seventy-five percent off. Sound good?"
"Sounds like you've got a deal, Machete!"
"So, would you like anything else?" Machete asked.
"Yeah... Do you have any machine guns?"
"Yes I do! I have an Uzi with two packs of ammo holding 300 bullets each. The gun also come with a free set of 200 bullets. Would you like it?"
"Absolutely. I could use that gun. The price?"
"$399.99 total."
"I'll take it! You have grenades, right?"
"Yes; I have smoke bombs, sleeping gas, regular explosives, what do you need?"
"Hmm... I'll take two smoke bombs, and five explosives."
"Okay, Jack. That will do just fine." Machete looked at the girl standing a few feet away from Jack, admiring a pink shotgun. "Would the girl like a shotgun?"
Kate whirred around at the mention of, "the girl." "What? But I don't even know how to use a freaking gun!" she said.
"Kate, relax," Jack said as he turned around to face her. "I got this under control."
"Oh really?" she muttered.
"She'll take the gun," Jack said to Machete. Kate stood there, looking at them with a bemused look on her face. "So, I think I'm about done here."
Machete realized that this guy was into buying almost anything, so he decided to get his good gun out. "Wait a minute. I have a special gun in the back."
Jack raised his eyebrows in little enthusiasm, although it couldn't be seen.
After about a couple minutes, he got bored and decided to follow to where Machete went. Just as he hit the door, Machete was there, glaring at Jack, who just happened to be shorter.
"Uh, sorry about that, mate," he consoled. Machete only grunted in response, and moved past Jack.
"Now, this gun is the most powerful gun in my entire shop. It is better in aim, shooting, and much, much more." Macheted persuaded. The gun was large, and was colored a brilliant chrome. It had a bright green orb attached to it, and pink lights were scattered along the barrel. He'd never seen this kind of gun before.
"So, uh, what do you call that gun?" Jack asked.
"I call her Carmelia. She has done much good to me, so if you are willing to buy her, take good care of 'er."
"Well, where'd you get this, 'Carmelia?' " Jack asked.
Machete paused, and leaned towards the two. "Do either of you to believe in... Aliens?"
Kate started to snicker, but was yielded when Jack replied, "Yeah. Seen one myself."
'Ugh. I live with bafoons', she thought.
"Well, I was abducted by aliens 20 years ago. I was minding my own business, testing some grenades outside, when all of a sudden, I see the sky getting screwed up. There was what appeared to be a heatwave head straight toward to where I was tossing the grenades. I stared at the thing bewildered. Soon enough, I was engulfed in a green light, and it all went black.
"So as I was starting to wake up, I saw these strange figures leaning over me. They had transparent skin that showed what looked to be a brain, and some other things that I could make out. I saw their golden eyes stare at me in wonder, as if I were some animal. I started to panic, and leaped from the testing table. In my defense, I looked aroung the room for some sort of weapon. Right next to the triangular door, was Carmelia. I grabbed onto her and aimed at the aliens. I shouted, ' I'll shoot! ', and they got a fearful look on their faces. I looked around for a way out, and a saw a weird button with alien language on it. I slammed my hand onto it, and bust out the door. To my suprise, I was outside, running down a slope to the ground. When the slope started to retract, I lept onto the ground, and watched in awe as the aliens zoomed to space.
"I told authorities, but I was threated to be arrested for my story being a practical joke. He told me he's heard enough stories of aliens and stuff, and told me to get out. I was humiliated, but I'll never forget the day." Machete finsihed.
"Wow. What a story. So, it would be nice if I could buy the guns now and leave," Jack said.
"Alright. But beware of the freaky stuff out there. You never know what will spring out at you while you're at your weakest," Machete told them as the headed towards the cash register.
"Oh, trust me. I think I've handled enough things in my lifetime to be afraid of aliens. Why do you think I'm buying the guns?" Jack retorted.
Machete glared at Jack, but soon became level again. "So, the total price for everything you've bought today estimates to around $5000. Pay up, amigo."
"Yes, siree." Jack responded, sort of taken aback by Machete's sudden hostility. He reached into his wallet and took out a platinum card, and handed it to the man. He sure hope there was plenty on the card. "Here ya go."
Machete ran the card in to the machine, and smiled once again. "Thank you for your service, Jack! See you around."
Jack paced over to the door, Kate absently observing a deer head mounted on the wall. The bandicoot in disguise offered a shrug. "Not likely, pal."