"Neh, neh, Onii-chan!"

"Hmm?" I questioned, looking up from my breakfast to notice my sister in front of me with a magazine.

"Aren't these the same as the plushie you keep around?"

Ignoring the rubbish regarding 'suitable fashion for guys to notice you' along with the surrounding filler content written by mentally deficient people, there was indeed an advertisement about the Entrails Animals earmarked at the bottom most corner of the right page. The details were brief given the limited page real estate for the ad, but nonetheless contained what appears to be a few low resolution black and white images along with what appears to be preliminary store contact information.

"So it is," I retorted, trying to sound uninterested for the time being.

"Ehh, what's so special about them?" Komachi questioned, flipping back and forth between the pages while munching away on her toast, "First you were all fixated on getting rid of 'that gutless carcass', but now I see it floating around your table, and sometimes your bed, too"

"Is my bed some sort of refuge for dead animals now? I don't think so," I rebuked as I took a chug at my coffee mug.

Although I wasn't going to admit it to Komachi at the moment, I did start to share conversations with the plushie on trivial topics outside of Kämpfer related issues. Also, 'floating around my bed'? She always stands around my shelf during idle hours. Unless Komachi was peeking my room without me noticing… either way, I was feeling a slight unease at the concept of an overly vigilant Komachi getting her head into this matter.

She now returned with a look of disapproval, "Onii-chan, are you forgetting things just like you forgetting your bike a few days ago? Komachi can tell what's happening with her own two eyes when she sees them!"

"So maybe I was throwing it around from time to time," I grunted, averting eye contact at the half truth.

"I don't understand," Komachi dropped the magazine, eyeing me in the face, "How would such a trend make its way to affect Onii-chan? Unless…"

"Unless what?"

"…Unless Onii-chan has gotten himself a girl to teach him a new hobby!" Komachi piqued, lighting up again with a smile, "Ha, that probably scored a lot of points in my book!"

I choked on my coffee a little at this. "What logic is that? The connection was so wide, the birdman rally record was set from it!"

She sighed, "Onii-chan, I highly doubt that you picked up interest on that plushie by yourself. It's almost as if you got magical powers from it or something, that you're keeping such a thing around!"

Of course, Komachi was right on the money with her guesswork. It looks like my time as just 'Onii-chan' was running short. Now the question was only a matter of willingly turning myself in or having Komachi breaking down my door in the middle of the night, given how persistent she was with her effort at this. Perhaps she was just a moderator all along? Hell, I haven't even met any of them, but here we are listing her off the prime suspect of it.

"If that's what you're going to believe," I sighed dismissively, this time not trying to dig the hole excessively. "Oi, isn't it time already?"

The expression on her face changed immediately to that of a concerned panic as she glanced at the wall clock. "Oh crap! I'm gonna be late for school!"

"…Wipe off your face while you're at-"

"Take care of those for me, ok?"

I was cut off by the barrage of her indoor clothes to the face as she sprinted off to get changed, her shirt conveniently containing the jam she just wiped off her face. I simply sighed in thought as I tossed the clothing articles to the laundry bin at the side. At least there was no more plushie related questions which were thinly skirting the category towards a police interrogation. But knowing Komachi, the arrest warrant has just been extended by 30 more days. Time to sharpen my politician talking skills in the meantime.

"I'll see you after school, Onii-chan!" Komachi waved in the doorway, already dressed in uniform, "I'll be headed with some friends today, so you'll be on your own today"

The front door clicked, as Komachi went out the door. My messenger came out of her hiding spot from the adjacent room a short moment later, seeing that the coast was clear. Unconsciously, I had also released the breath I was holding, seeing how Komachi was once again thwarted by the simple tactics, if not momentarily.

"So back to trash talking again?" she shook her head with arms crossed, "I'm starting to believe that I should be resigning from my post by now"

"She's only going to be more suspicious if I started to treat those plushies like some god forthcoming," I retorted. Although I will admit, the badmouthing part wasn't intended.

"I know," she waved off again as her expression lightened, "You had to say something to get your sister off your back"

"…There were still better words to be used in that situation-"

"Look, don't even worry about it," the plushie asserted, "That was a no-win situation back there, and it seemed like she would make your life miserable if you conceded. It's the thought that counts, right?"

I glanced at the page the magazine was left open at. Of course, it just had to be swimsuits. If the universe was trying to make us concerned for the future, it was certainly working. Now lays the question if the upcoming plot is a hentai with an obese salaryman waiting in the corner, or something more family friendly. Once again, a subtle sense of guilt over my 'gentleman' collection of manga was trickling in.

"…Dangerous"

"Those simpletons, don't they know that bike shorts are the supreme tier, and completely removes the risk of panty shot?" she exasperated, "Then again, it might be asking for too much, as they're still rubbing their breasts together to generate static electricity for their brain!"

"If you're thinking of Komachi, you're sorely mistaken," I grunted, picking up the magazine to search out the page she mentioned earlier, "Most of the time, she absolutely can catch onto the critical details, and does the decapitating strike once your brain wanders out of your head, despite her airheaded disposition"

She made a face at this. "Do you have some sort of rivalry with her to know this stuff?"

"Absolutely not," I responded immediately, somewhat perplexed at this conclusion, "It's a siblings thing; either you get it or you won't, but she's still the best little sister in this home. There's no dispute over that"

Siblings are a strange phenomenon. You're either the best of friends or worst enemies, and no one even questions the dynamic as if it was some ingrained physical law. One moment, you two would be having a deathmatch over something arbitrary while driving to the store. The next moment, you would be trying to hide the dead body of an unfortunate individual you ran over while distracted during the argument, and swear your vows to never mention this incident again while having an emotional breakdown. All of this would be forgotten the next day, where you have a new argument over a new topic and run another person over. Repeat as many times as necessary, and you have the whole experience.

"…Siscon"

I shot a glare back. "Oi! We're siblings. We love each other, just not that way!"

Her expression lightened again, "Just kidding. I heard your sister say that a few times, so I decided to indulge on the party"

"…Let's just say it's slightly different when you say that"

"Let me guess, it's a siblings thing?"

"You got that part right," I stated, taking pause as I found the page I was looking for. "Anyways, what about this little thing here?"

The fox raised an arm on her chin thoughtfully as she inspected the ad. "It's definitely not the first time the Moderators tried this. Still a buffoon move if you ask me, as most people are less than thrilled even when receiving an Entrails Animal for free. But it never hurts to try, perhaps"

"One more thing to thwart Komachi from the next time we go shopping," I mumbled, mostly to myself.

"So you're concerned about your sister over this?"

"Indeed," I nodded in affirmation.

"Once again, she doesn't strike me as the type that would be into that stuff"

"She isn't, but remember that part about her airheadedness?" I reminded, "If she was actually convinced that it had some special ability or part of a new fashion trend, its only a matter of time she tries to nab one for herself, policemen or moderators be damned"

"That badly?" she stroked her chin in thought, "Well, the fact that it exists poses a non-zero chance after all. Perhaps we could pay the store a little visit and burn it into the ground with an electrical fire-"

"Please don't," I interrupted with a hand raised, "Once again, I'd rather not get thrown in jail"

"Hey, I was going to suggest buying or stealing them, but I don't think you'd like the idea of that either," she pointed out, "Especially buying them, as it gives me too many Kaede vibes…"

I raised an eyebrow at this tangential mention. "…Where did this Kaede(1) come from?"

"Oh boy," she groaned, "Long story or the short one?"

"…I think you're going to tell me the long story regardless of my answer"

"I love the fact that we can see through each other despite how brief we are together," she retorted playfully before she made a face. "Otherwise Kaede is something of a bad oni in the Kämpfer community. You can sum it up as a pretty, innocent looking girl who's actually a batshit lesbian that just escaped the animal research facility. She's particularly infamous in turning a boy named Natsuru(2) into a girl via Kämpfer powers, and only loves the girl form of him. Oh, and she keeps a lesbian harem via brainwash, because reasons"

My eye twitched slightly at this. It seems that my life just needed to add the crazed out yuri arc in which absolutely no one asked for. First the unwanted superpowers in participating in a war with hormone overloaded girls, and now sexually crazed management in running the show spinning the plotline closer to the hentai direction. Reality is stranger than fiction, indeed.

"Is Kaede a moderator, then?"

"Quite likely, if not something more powerful," she nodded thoughtfully, "It was rumored that she has the first messenger ever made, and basically bought out the whole first batch of Entrails Animals for her own filthy deeds. Such as the whole Natsuru incident"

I raised an eyebrow at the mention again. "What makes this Natsuru individual so special?"

"The real answer is nothing, as a person; However, he was rumored to be the first male Kämpfer being inducted into the whole scheme," the plushie shrugged, "Perhaps it started off as a bad joke to provoke the reaction of a guy having his groin stolen, or just seeing of they could bend the rules and allow guys into the girls only club. Either way, it ended poorly on behalf of Kaede carrying it out, but the act of selecting boys to fill in the ranks is becoming more commonplace despite this initial setback"

Good riddance. To think the candidate roster was doubled in the blink of an eye, just because someone at the recruiting department broke the rules. It was proven once again that the rules and violations of management were not exclusive to humans. Sounds like someone needs to let the animals out the zoo again…

The messenger now turned to face me, away from the magazine. "One more thing"

"Yeah?"

"If this Kaede individual ever shows up, can you promise me that you won't fall for her"

"…What?!"

I couldn't even begin to fathom at the idea of that from the deepest pits of hell. The answer to that question was plainly obvious, but the tug on my arm made me at attention to my messenger again. For all intents and purposes, she looked pleading, almost as if she was about to cry. Please don't tell me you were actually convinced about this…

"…I promise"

"Certain?"

I grunted in slight annoyance at the persistence. "If it would make you ease off, I have been in that position and got the bad end of the stick. Never again"

The whole Kaori incident still left a sour spot in my mind, and I still had some bad reminders of it popping up mentally occasionally. But what was once a nighttime of lost sleep has mostly faded into a chronic sore of indifference during shower time. My messenger seemed to have caught onto the mood swing and shifted her expression.

"Hey, I wasn't forcing you to reveal unfortunate events," she quickly backtracked, "I was just trying to make a reminder of not falling for the superficial"

"But you wanted me to reassure you," I dismissed, "So it's fine, I guess"

Frankly, I couldn't even be mad at my messenger. She has clearly seen the bad side of the world and was out there to alert unsuspecting people of the honeytrap up ahead in life. Pretty girls will always be the bane of men since the start of time. Too many times have people fallen head over heels for superficial beauty only to be used up and discarded like some piece of trash. Financial favors, personal secrets, government secrets. None are safe from the desperation of man wanting a slice of companionship or affirmation from your fellow pretty girl.

"You don't seem too confident in that," my messenger retorted, before realizing that she was repeating the earlier scene again. "Look, I'll stop myself here. But if you ever want to talk about anything bothering you, I'll always be open for it. You got that?"

"There won't be much to talk about even if I confessed, but thanks"

She simply sighed, like a parent who was dealing with an excessively troublesome youth. "At your own pace, I'm not going to rush you through these things. Hey, don't you think we're supposed to go somewhere?"

Briefly confused for a moment, I checked the clock on my phone before my heart sank a little. Now I was in the exact position I reprimanded Komachi about.

"Crap, the time!"

"Hey, I thought we were setting the trap the next time sensei tried to step out of line!"

"Did you not forget that little agreement we just had?" I quipped in return as I threw on my shirt and shoes, "I thought we agreed on not using violence to avoid legal trouble"

"At least consider my blackmail idea if things get out of hand!" the fox stated with some exasperation, "You know I have a raging dislike for that old hag, and how I hate seeing you get tossed around without any chance of making the tables even!"

For as much as she wanted to help me out, too much of her solutions appear to revolve around violence or intimidation. It remains to be seen if this was only limited to sensei, or if it was simply an extension of her ideology in 'Violence is always the solution, it only depends on how much it is administered'. Luckily, she herself does not have any special ability aside from being an animated plushie, or heaven forbid how much damage control needs to be done in the span of a bad weekend given our recent disagreement with sweet bread flavors.

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind if things get violent again," I called out, more in second thought as I threw my shirt on, "But we're going to have to run the gauntlet of getting to school on time"

"Since you are so averted on physical violence, I have a way to get you to school in time"

"Eh? How?"

She gestured towards her wrist. "With your girl form, you can probably run a significant amount faster than your bike. Or at least bike faster than normal, if you don't like drawing attention"

"Do people even pay attention to things like that?"

"You certainly seem to have a strong emphasis on situational awareness, so it's a non-zero chance others do it too," she pointed out as she tucked into her usual spot in my bag, "Besides, questions are going to be raised when you start to keep pace with the cars, or if you forget your bike again for that matter"

It was hard to argue against that logic, especially given the heightened alert Komachi has been exhibiting towards my messenger. A familiar flash of light later, and I was transformed. I double checked the clothing quickly - shoes, skirt, and ribbon bow tie. The last one was one of curiosity, considering that I never wore my neck tie as part of my uniform. Perhaps the moderators really like ties, or just the fetish for proper uniforms.

Bag slung over my shoulder, I left the front door and retrieved my bike. I took a glance at my messenger after I wheeled myself onto the street.

"You ready?"

"Always with you around," the fox returned with a thumbs up gesture, "Send it, chief!"

I simply smirked at the statement as I zipped the pocket up, peeling down the road.

(1): Sakura Kaede, from the original Kämpfer series.

(2): Natsuru Senou, also from the original Kämpfer series.

Closing remarks: Ohh boy, over a year of delays! This was around 80% done at around the same time last year, but various life factors threw a wrench into this story, mostly due to the lack of proofreading. This chapter was also chopped in half, as some portions felt out of place to be bundled together. That portion is also mostly done, and should be ready soon.

Expect the pace to pick up in the future chapters, along with more fighting scenes. Kämpfer means 'fighter', after all!

Also moved this to the crossover section, as it felt out of place to leave it in Oregairu given the extra universe elements.

Once again, please leave your reviews/angry comments! All are appreciated here