A/N: Once again...I do not own Twilight or anything to do with Twilight... Enjoy!
Sitting on the couch I watched as Bella got the movie ready and fast-forwarded through the credits. She sat down next to me, but that would not do. I gently wrapped my arms around her and pulled her down to me. I wrapped her in the afghan that hung on the back of the couch to keep her from getting too cold. Even though she never complained about my icy skin, it bothered me that I was cold.
There have been so many times over the last six months where I wished I was warm like her, to feel as soft and pliable as she does. I hated the inhumanness of my icy hard skin. Concentrating on the present, I buried my face into her hair. The unique scent of strawberry and freesia assaulted my senses. The fire in my throat flared and venom pooled in my mouth. This is what I was fighting to keep, the burn in my body that reminded me that Bella was still human.
Feeling Bella relax in my embrace, I turned my attention towards the movie. "You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I commented as the opening act came on the screen. Knowing that Bella liked Romeo, she would feel need to respond.
"What's wrong with Romeo?" she questioned defensively.
"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline- don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And, then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not brilliant." To say the least, Romeo just seemed to dig himself an ever expanding hole, no wonder he died. "Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"
Personally I was trying to keep my happiness for as long as possible, for it was tied directly into this amazing woman in my arms. Treasuring each moment as they happened, something I felt Romeo never did.
Bella sighed as I attacked Romeo, "Do you want me to watch this alone?"
"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." I began to trail my fingers lightly on her arms, watching as I left goose bumps in my wake. "Will you cry?" I asked, knowing that deep down, Bella was a bit of a romantic.
"Probably, if I am paying attention."
"I won't distract you then." Or at least not too much, I couldn't stop myself from kissing her hair and trailing my fingers over her arms. Soon enough, though, Bella was engrossed in the movie and I began to recite Romeo's lines to her, putting all the passion and desire I had for her in each and every word.
As Juliet awoke and found her dead Romeo, I noticed the silent tears sliding down her face; gently I dried them with her hair. "I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I whispered.
"She's very pretty." I tried not to scoff at Bella's obvious concern that I found the actress playing Juliet remotely beautiful. Compared to Bella, she was rather plain. Bella was the essence of beauty and love and she was mine. How lucky could I get?
"I don't envy him the girl- just the ease of the suicide." I made certain Bella understood; it was her I found beautiful. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"
"What?" Bella looked confused and horrified.
"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…after he realized what he'd become…" I realized I was sounding too serious, I tried to lighten up the moment as I continued, "And he's clearly still in excellent health."
Bella suddenly turned to face me completely, searching my eyes for understanding, "What are you talking about? What do you mean; this is something you had to think about once?" She continued to stare, demanding that I explain myself. She wasn't going to let this go if I tried to brush this away.
It pained me to think about that time, when I nearly lost Bella; it was pure agony to think about life without her. I tried to banish the thoughts as I carefully crafted my answer, I did not want to cause undue panic on Bella's part.
"Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…" I took a deep breath, willing away the images of her body lying, bleeding and broken; James hovered over her as he bit her hand. I was worried that I would fail to reach her in time, that I would find her dead. Even remembering that day was enough to feel the panic rise in my mind.
Softening my tone I continued, "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human." That should satisfy her curiosity.
Watching Bella, I figured she was also lost in the memories of that day, when she'd foolishly ran off trying to save me and my family from James, when she thought he had her mom. Her finger lightly traced the cold scar on her hand, a grim reminder of that day. I suppressed a shudder as I thought of Bella facing off with James. In the end all that mattered was that James was dead and Bella was alive.
My morose thoughts were interrupted by an incredulous Bella, "Contingency plans?"
"Well, I wasn't going to live without you," I stated this simply, but rolled my eyes as though my feelings were quite obvious. Bella is my whole life. To keep existing when she no longer did, it was incomprehensible to me. Without thinking I continued to explain. "But I wasn't sure how to do it- I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."
My thoughts turned somber as I imagined myself going there, asking them to take my life, because there would be no living if there was no Bella. What point would there be to this life without her? She was the reason why I felt happy and more alive than I have ever believed was possible. This adorable creature found some way to love me, a monster for all intents and purposes.
"What is a Volturi?" Bella demanded.
Without looking at her, still locked in my deep thoughts about life and death, I explained, "The Volturi are a family. A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose" Coming back to focus on Bella, I continued, "Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America-do you remember the story?"
I watched as Bella thought back to Carlisle's story and his time with the Volturi. Although she outwardly gave no indications of concern or fear, I still wondered if and when she would become afraid of me and my family. I wished once again that I could hear the thoughts in her head, to see how she remembered and interpreted Carlisle's story.
"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die- or whatever it is we do." I was surprised how calm I felt, talking about my eventual demise. I did not know what lay beyond this world, but I knew I was dammed. Whether that is hell, purgatory or whatever, I did not know. Without my soul, I was forbidden from heaven.
It was mainly because of this that I was adamant that Bella stay human. I could not take away her soul. It would be selfish and wrong on so many levels. I would hate myself for all eternity, as I believed Bella would if I changed her and took her soul. She may think she wants this life, but she has no clue what that choice means and to have her hate me, it would be unbearable.
Abruptly, Bella gripped my face, "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" True horror and fear were written clearly on her face. For a brief second I basked in the knowledge that she cared if I lived or died. She had to know that without her, there was no living, there would be nothing. Still, I felt ashamed that I had worried her needlessly.
"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."
"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" My little tiger kitten was back, the anger evident in her voice and eyes. She continued in a rush, "How dare you even think like that?" The look on her face was one of disbelief and pain. I wondered if she was thinking of life without me.
I was struck with a sudden need to truly show her how much I love her, need her, "What would you do, if the situation were reversed?"
"That's not the same thing," she huffed. I smiled at the idea that I was worthy enough to die for, when I knew I wasn't. She regarded me far too highly; I could never live up to what she expects me to be.
"What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go off myself?" Bella looked at me with true misery and concern, like the idea of me dead actually distressed her. But the thought of Bella intentionally hurting herself was too much for me to bear. She had too much life, for it to needlessly end.
"I guess I see your point…a little, but what would I do without you?" I layered the all the adoration and love I felt into that question. What would I do if there was no more Bella? I could not even begin to fathom such a time.
Bella frowned as she contemplated my question, "Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."
I sighed because she believed I could do that, "You make that sound so easy."
"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."
I wanted to argue with her that she had it all backwards, but we wouldn't have the time. "Moot point." I lifted Bella away from me and sat up myself. Charlie was coming home soon and I wanted to be respectful and propitious.
I didn't fool Bella, she knew what was up, "Charlie?" I smiled and she turned towards the sound of Charlie parking the police cruiser as she grabbed my hand. If she could handle this in front of Charlie, so could I.
Charlie entered the house with pizza and the smell was awful. I was glad I wouldn't have to force it down as Charlie was used to me not eating with them. His thoughts, always a bit hazy to me, were a bit more focused tonight. Wow, my baby is eighteen! Where did the time go? I am so glad she decided to come live here. I echoed Charlie's thought's, I too was glad Bella came to live here; it's hard now to think of a time before she did.
"Hey, kids. I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"
"Sure. Thanks Dad." Bella went into the kitchen to eat.
When they were done, I knew I needed to act fast to get Bella to the party before she found a way out of it. She would not go easily, not my Bella. "Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I directed the question towards Charlie. He was my best hope of getting Bella to my house. So it was not surprising when I saw her shoot a furtive pleading look at Charlie. However, Charlie's thoughts were turning towards a baseball game starting on the TV.
"That's fine- the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight. So I won't be any kind of company…Here" He scooped up the camera he got Bella and tossed it towards her. Bella, being disappointed that Charlie did not bail her out and her general lack of coordination, missed the camera altogether. I scooped it up before it hit the floor and shattered.
"Nice save," Charlie commented. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullen's tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets- she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."
"Good idea, Charlie." I handed the camera to Bella who surprised me by turning the camera on me and snapping a quick picture. 'It works," she smirked.
"That's good," replied Charlie, already becoming engrossed in the game. "Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." There was a slight frown as he said this. I knew how much he adored Alice. She was a big help as Bella was recuperating from the extensive injuries she received in Arizona at the hands of James.
I wished Charlie could extend some of that good will my way. He still held a bit of a grudge against me since the incident in Arizona, not that part of me didn't agree with him. It's that I knew Bella perceived the slight difference in how Charlie treated me versus Alice.
"It's been three days, Dad. I'll tell her."
"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." With that, the last of Charlie's concentration was on the game and we were dismissed. I smiled because now there was no way Bella would be able to escape the party. Grabbing her hand we walked her to her truck. I opened the passenger door for her and I was surprised she did not argue with me. Would it be too much for me to hope that she would enjoy this party?
I hated driving this truck. What Bella saw in this decrepit relic was beyond me. I pushed it as fast as it could go and all I got out of it was a loud groan.
"Take it easy," warned Bella. She was too protective of this rust bucket.
I knew it was useless, but maybe if I just kept at it, she would cave, "You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…" But Bella would never let me finish.
"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."
A sigh died in my throat but I smiled brightly, "Not a dime."
"Good."
Her strange notions on why I could not spend any money on her were ridiculous. She felt it threw us out of proportion, when from the start we always were. I was the monster, she was the angel. She was everything good and light, I was darkness and soulless.
"Can you do me a favor?" Maybe I could guilt her into having a good time.
"That depends on what it is?" She wasn't going to agree to anything without knowing what I wanted, like always.
Sighing I turned towards her, so she could see the importance of this day and this party. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited." I stared at Bella, willing her to understand that we all wanted to celebrate life, her life.
"Fine, I'll behave." Even that statement was given grudgingly.
With her current mood, if I didn't let her know that everyone would be there, she would never relax. "I probably should warn you…"
When she interrupted me I knew I read her right, "Please do."
"When I say they're all excited…I do mean all of them." Let's see how long it takes her to understand my emphasis.
"Everyone?" She gasped. That didn't take her long. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa." I knew that Rosalie made her nervous and if it was up to me, Rosalie wouldn't be there tonight. But, wherever Emmett was, Rosalie was there as well.
"Emmett wanted to be there." Emmett already thought of Bella as his little sister and took every opportunity to treat her as one. I could never repay Emmett for all the kindness and understanding he showed toward Bella and our relationship.
"But…Rosalie?" The anxiety was rising in her eyes. Hating to see her in any undue stress, I attempted to soothe her.
"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior." If not, she will have to deal with me and no one will get in my way.
Bella was silent and I wondered where her thoughts had taken her. Even after all this time I was still frustrated by the silence of her mind, but Bella liked it that way. I watched the emotions flit across her face; anxiety, stress, guilt. The others I could understand why she felt them, but guilt? What did she have to be guilty about? She has been nothing but warm, trusting, kind and loving. If anyone should feel guilty it was me, for being in her life. But I was far too selfish to leave, I wanted her too much.
Wanting to keep her from feeling guilty, but having no clue how to do so, I spoke the first thought that came to my mind, "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?" That definitely was the wrong question to ask, I knew instantly what her response would be.
"You know what I want," she whispered softly.
The frown erupted automatically on my face. How many times were we going to have this argument? I know that Bella was obstinate in her desire to be changed, but I am much more in my desire to keep her human. I loved this creature next to me more than anything or anyone in the world and I would make sure that she stayed human.
But if I was honest with myself, the idea of having Bella less breakable, more durable had benefits. But those benefits were for me alone, they do not serve any purpose for Bella. She should live in light and happiness, not in my eternal darkness.
"Not tonight, Bella. Please." I tried to dazzle her in the hopes of getting her off this subject once and for all. It was a wasted effort.
"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."
I couldn't help the menacing growl that erupted; it was one of pain and frustration. If there was one of my siblings who would go behind my back on this, it would be Alice. She loved to replay her vision of Bella, cold and hard as stone often. It was her way of trying to wear me down. She wanted that one to come true just as bad as Bella did. The only redeeming thought I clung to was that Alice was not confident in her ability to do it herself. I may need to pound that thought into her hard and often.
"This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella." I said each word slowly and clearly, trying to get through to her that I was never going to budge. I would not take away her soul; I could not have that on my conscious.
"That's not fair!" My little tiger kitten was back, but I found no humor in it now. My teeth clenched in exasperation. I knew I was far too upset to say anything, so I drove silently the last few feet to my house and parked the truck.
I watched as Bella took in the sight before her. Brightly colored Japanese lanterns were hung from the porch roof; bowls of pink roses lined the steps leading to the front door. It had the unmistakable stamp of Alice, it wasn't Bella at all and she moaned at the sight.
Wanting to be gentle, I paused to take a few calming breaths. I let her scent fill me up, feeling the burn in the back of my mouth. The wonderful aroma of freesia and lavender wafted from Bella, it was undeniably mouth-watering. I swallowed the excess venom her scent always inspired and spoke gently.
"This is a party. Try to be a good sport."
"Sure," muttered my stubborn Bella.
Opening the door on her side of the truck, I automatically reached for Bella's hand. A sense of relief and completeness filled me. This is what I needed, the feeling of being with her. There was nothing else like it in this world.
"I have a question," she uttered, quickly playing with her camera. I looked at her with obvious wary and concern. "If I develop this film will you show up in the picture?"
So surprised by her question, I couldn't help but laugh at her. As much as Bella has seen and been told about my world, she still held onto the myths and legends. It was one of the many reasons why I loved her; she kept me on my toes with her questions and thoughts. I could hear Emmett question what was happening outside.
What's so funny, bro? Bella fall down again? I wanted to growl at him, but Bella's question still rang in my mind and it was too humorous to stop laughing. We walked up the stairs and I opened the door to my waiting family.
A loud cheer of "Happy Birthday, Bella" erupted once she stepped across the threshold. I could taste her blush in the air and felt the warmth as it radiated from her to me. I loved that reaction; I would never tire of seeing her face flush with heat. It was just another reason why I wanted to keep her human, I loved making her blush.
Glancing at the living room I spotted more bowls filled with roses, dozens of pink candles scattered around the room, a table with a pink cake, glass plates and a pile of presents. Alice better not think we were going to eat cake, if so, she could go first. I could smell the sugary confection and it was not appealing in the least.
Bella's shoulders slumped with the onslaught of attention; I quickly wrapped my arms around her to plant a soft kiss on her head. Inhaling deeply, I luxuriated in the scent. Esme stepped forward to give her a hug and kiss her gently on the cheek. Oh, Edward, she looks so surprised. I hope Alice didn't over- do it. I hid a smile at Esme's fretting; she worried about Bella like she was one of her own.
Carlisle stepped forward to give her a hug. "Sorry about this, Bella. We couldn't rein Alice in," he whispered, but everyone could hear, which was his intention. She'll be ok Edward, relax and try to enjoy yourself. It will help her relax as well.
I didn't notice I was starting to tense up, but Carlisle was as right as ever; I needed to loosen up if Bella was ever going to have fun. Turning my attention towards the other members of my family who had yet to greet Bella, I noticed Rosalie. Pleased to see that she remained expressionless, but I could still hear her grumblings.
Look at them, fawning over her like she's some big deal. I can't wait to leave and go back to Africa, now that was fun. My dress does look stunning, even better than when I tried it on in the store. At that moment she caught her reflection and began to admire herself, like usual.
Emmett gave Bella a huge toothy grin as she turned her attention to him. "You haven't changed at all. I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."
"Thanks a lot, Emmett," Bella murmured. If it was even possible, Bella's blush grew deeper, causing Emmett to roar out in delight. I stared at her in complete adoration. I did not deserve this luscious woman standing beside me. Holding her tighter to my side, her warmth warming me slightly, we watched Emmett.
He was still laughing as he winked at Alice and told Bella, "I have to step out for a second, don't do anything funny while I'm gone." I could still hear him laughing as he began to work on Bella's truck.
"I'll try," replied Bella. At that same time Alice danced up to Bella with Jasper staying a few feet behind. I could hear Alice's excited thoughts. Let the fun begin!
"Time to open presents," stated Alice as she brought Bella closer to the table with the silver pile of gifts. Bella was trying hard not to frown, but she was not very convincing.
"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-"protested Bella.
"But I didn't listen," interrupted Alice with no hint of remorse. She handed Bella one of the shiny wrapped presents, "Open it." How can anyone not like to get presents? They are so fun!
I watched Bella as she read who the present was from and then slowly un-wrapped it. Puzzlement was written all across her face as she took in the box covered with numbers and then more confusion as she opened it, only to find it empty.
Ever gracious, she never questioned as she stated, "Um…thanks." Jasper laughed and even Rosalie smiled a bit at her confusion. Jasper clued her in, "It's a stereo for your truck. Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it." Bella flicked her eyes quickly at Alice, knowing that Alice would have seen her do just that.
"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie." She was actually smiling; maybe she could accept gifts without too much fuss. "Thanks Emmett!" she called out so he could hear.
Emmett responded by letting out a booming laugh, which made me laugh. He was almost done and was excited to get back inside. Alice handed Bella the next gift. I held my breath in anticipation.
"Open mine and Edward's next." Alice held in her hand a small, thin package. She turned to glare at me as she stated, "You promised."
I opened my mouth to respond but Emmett choose that time to bound back inside and declare, "Just in time!" Staring deeply into her warm brown eyes so she could see the depth of my sincerity I said, "I didn't spend a dime." I pulled a lone strand of her chestnut hair from her face, trailing my hands along her cheek. My hand warmed slightly from that simple touch.
She shuddered slightly as she turned towards Alice. I wondered if it was from the temperature of my skin or from my touch. I hoped it was the latter. "Give it to me," she ordered Alice.
Several things happened in such slow motion clarity, that they will forever be burned into my mind. I watched as Bella slid her finger under the edge of the paper and pull it out in an attempt to tear the paper. Simultaneously I heard her mutter, "Shoot" and smelled the tiny drop of blood that had pooled on her finger.
MINE! I need to have her! Get out of my way!
"No!" I screamed as Jasper's thoughts blasted their way to my brain. I acted without thinking and I leapt at Bella, throwing her clear across the room into the table with the cake and presents. I heard the crash as she landed on the table.
Jasper's thoughts were reduced to ferocious snarling and the instinctual need for the sweet smelling blood that filled the air. Jasper crashed into me in his attempt to drain Bella dry, the resounding crack of stone meeting stone filled the room. I held tightly onto Jasper as he tried to barrel through me, his growling inches from my ears, filled my heart with dread.
Emmett reached Jasper and placed him in a ferocious bear hug, but that did not stop Jasper as he struggled to get to the only thing filling his mind, Bella and her blood. Get out of my way! I want her! She is mine! His thrashing grew in earnest, his snarls and snapping getting louder by the second.
I turned slowly for the room seemed to grow heavy with the scent of Bella's blood, surely more than a simple paper cut could produce. The sight that greeted me would have made my heart stop beating if it could. Bella, covered in pink frosting, and her blood dripping slowly down her arm. Suddenly my throat was a flame with the scent of her blood and venom pooled in my mouth.
The monster I had held at bay the last few months roared to the surface at the sight of her blood. I felt the pull and the need for the sweet blood. Before I could creep forward, I stopped the flow of air into my lungs. It was our first day of biology all over again.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review! Thanks to everyone who added my story to their alerts- it means alot. A big shout out to my wonderful betas: PisceanPal23 and CullenandSwan1993.