A/N: Surprise! Another chapter! This one is a bit shorter- but its crucial.. this is something Edward needs to experience and I felt it needed it's own chapter.

Please review, I see that last chapter got close to 150 hits but only a few reviews. I live for your reviews..they brighten my day!

As always- I own nothing related to Twilight. I do ownthe books and they are well worn.

Please review!

On the Edge

The next few days went by more slowly than any other day in my entire vampire existence. I felt constantly on edge, straddling the line between intense rage and madness. The anger was a permanent boil deep in the pit of my stomach, churning and gurgling. The madness was a black hole in my mind, trying to lure me with the seductive promise of numbness. Each day they pulled and pushed at me and the slightest thing would set me off.

It could be a simple look from someone in my family or simply being in their presence. There was one morning as I sat on the couch with my map, double checking the routes I had laid out, making sure I did not leave any glaring holes. I watched as Carlisle came down the stairs to talk to Esme, who was finishing the arrangements for the move. As she made her way to leave to make another call, Carlisle quickly reached down and pulled his wife in for a hug. Rage, hot and thick colored my vision; I swam in an ocean of hot, surging anger. I did not know if I felt they were flaunting their love or if it was the knowledge that I had lost mine that upset me; either way it did not matter. I fought the urge to scream at them, make them hurt like I was on the inside. Feeling my control slipping, I ran from the house in such a blur I prayed they did not see how my face was twisted in anger.

But at night, that was when the madness called. Night was the bane of my existence. To watch as my family spent the evening hours with their mates, I was no longer angry, but incredibly sad. My mind would begin to wander, back to a time when I could be with Bella even though hundreds of miles separated us. The lure of being with her, even if it wasn't real was better than facing a night alone. My body would start to remember how freeing it felt to feel nothing, to float free of pain.

But I would beat it back and continue to balance precariously on the edge, knowing sooner or later that I would have to fall. I feared both sides knowing that neither would be pretty. I worked hard at maintaining a mask of calmness and normalcy. It was vitally important that I give my family the appearance of moving on. I was sure I did not fool Alice, but after our run-in a few days ago, we had hardly spoken. She guarded her thoughts carefully and I was content to let her do so.

To fill my time I completed some of my last minute errands. I went to get cash, knowing that at times cold hard money worked better than a credit card. I bought myself a new phone that allowed me to surf the internet. It was an idea inspired by Emmet. He suggested that I look for crimes in local papers that fit the mold of a vampire kill. Since most major news papers had a website, it would be an easy way to do that. I packed and re-packed my bag, trying to keep as much of my mind as occupied as possible.

I don't remember what set off the rage this time; I stopped paying attention after a while. But as soon as I felt the rage cloud my mind I once again ran from the room. I heard Emmett ask, Where you going? "Hunting," was my simple reply.

Let me come with you. I still have no idea why consented, but I did and soon we were streaking through the forest. I was feeding quite often to help build my strength up and to take the gauntness out of my face and body. I still had no real physical desire to hunt. I never really felt the hunger pains like I once did. I wondered how long it would take for me to feel the need to hunt if I did not have my pending mission. My instinct was that I would never feel the need again. It was low on my priority list. Just making it through the day was my number one job.

We ran in silence, which is saying a lot for Emmett, but maybe he sensed I was in no mood for chit chat. We found a small herd of caribou and took it down easily. I was finished with the second one I had brought down and watched as Emmett cornered the last one. He took his time, not moving in for the kill straightway. Instead he feinted and dodged, no doubt scaring the poor animal. His face was showing the excitement of the hunt. He threw his head back and laughed before he went for the kill.

I felt the familiar tug of anger and I tried to squash it. This was no reason to get upset. This is just how Emmett was; I tried to remind myself over and over. I kept the chant up in my head as I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose in consternation. Just as I felt the anger gaining more ground, I heard Emmett finally finish off his meal. I bit back a smart remark. Instead I just gave him 'the look'. He just smiled.

Why so uptight? You got to chill, dude.

In that moment the scale tipped and all I felt was rage. His cavalier attitude had pushed me over the edge and I was falling hard and fast. I scrambled, trying to find reason, clinging to anything but I found nothing to hold on to.

"Rematch?" The words were out of my mouth before I had time to process them. All I felt was a need to hurt, to lose control and I had such a willing and eager victim. It was too simple, easy to get him where I needed him to be. I ran fast and hard to the small clearing we had found a few days earlier. It was the perfect arena for my rage. In my mind I replayed all the times he and Rosalie could have cared less that I was there when they started their couple games. How easy it was for them to forget the never-ending pain and torment I was living, even anger at Rose's less than cordial treatment of Bella. It all came to a head with that simple smile and those benign words.

I made it into the clearing in no time and I waited for him on the other side. My body was shaking with fury and I shifted into my hunting crouch. The monster within was alive and kicking and he wanted to play. Emmet could never pass up a chance for a good fight or to wrestle. Our last time here he was upset that I was still able to get him, even in my weakened state.

I heard him as he entered the clearing; the grin on his face was wide and gleaming. He loved a challenge. He laughed as he saw that I was very ready for the fun to begin. I chuckled softly; he had no clue what I wanted. I beckoned him with a single finger and he charged towards me.

As big as he was, he was surprisingly light and graceful on his feet. In a flash he was on my side of the clearing and stretched out his hands, wanting to grab me. I let him get his hands on me; I wanted to let him play for a while. He grabbed my shoulders and tried to lift me up to throw me. I held onto his arms and twisted quickly and he was flying through the air.

He landed with a soft thud and threw his head back and let out a loud laugh. "Good one, Ed my man." With no qualms about engaging me again, he charged forward. He took hold of my arm and swung me hard. I flew through the trees and over his head and landed only a few feet from where he stood. There was no laugh no smile from me; I just went back to my hunt. We shifted around and around, both searching for the perfect opening to strike.

We feinted and sparred, testing each other out, trying to get the other to make a mistake. After some time had passed and letting Emmett have his fun, the monster grew restless, and demanded his satisfaction. I was more than happy to oblige.

I let the heat of my anger envelope me, guide me. I felt the monster in me dance with joy; he was finally going to get his chance to play. Emmett was not aware of the subtle shift in my mind; his thoughts were full of exuberance. He felt that I was able to turn off my mind and just play. He hasn't seen me play yet.

I watched as Emmett charged at me and I held my ground, at the last minute I swung away from his outstretched hands, knelt to the ground and took his legs from out under him. In the same fluid motion I grabbed his outstretched hand used his falling momentum to fling him high into the tree line. I heard several trees buckle and snap in response.

I met Emmett as he fell to the ground. Before he could stand upright, I tossed him back into the center of the clearing. I once again I sped to where he would land and grab a hold of him. Seeing what I was going to do, Emmett turned a vice like grip on my forearms and held on as I tried to toss him towards the rocky cliff. We both smashed into it with a thunderous crash. Smaller rocks showered down onto us.

I gave him no reprieve from the fight. I sprung out to put the clearing at my back and faced Emmett square on. He pushed off and ran full tilt into me. His massive strength pushed us both quite a ways back, then I reached for his waist and flipped us over, on instinct, Emmett keep the flipping going. The only difference was I applied pressure each time Emmett's back hit the ground. There were indents on the earth from where I tried to push into him hard.

Snarls and growls ripped from my chest. I was pissed and hurt and I wanted to destroy. Emmett's thoughts were blank; he was beginning to see that this was no normal fight between brothers. His mind was scrambling around, trying to figure out what to do next. I gave him no time to think and this time I sprang at him.

It continued like that for some time. I kept throwing Emmett around the clearing, giving him no way to escape. The snarls and rumbling continued to emanate from deep in my chest. But they were no longer snarls of fury and rage, but the sounds of pure and raw grief. Finally all the pain and hurt and loss I thought I had bottled up and pushed to the deepest recesses of my mind came exploding out of me.

But I was taking Emmett along for the ride and he wasn't faring well. Somewhere I began to process the sights around me, but they came in snippets of images and feelings; Emmett's shirt ripped open, the look in his eyes, and the feel of the rocks giving way as I slammed him against them. I was uncontrollable and I could not stop, there was too much emotion that I had stuffed away.

Yet, somehow, somewhere through the haze of my emotions, a single lone stream of thought found its way to my consciousness, Edward, it will be ok. Calm down. I am here for you, it's ok. He kept at that litany of thoughts, always gentle and calm. Even as I repeatedly slammed him into the rock face, he never broke eye contact or stopped the soft gentle words.

Awareness of what I had done, and was doing made me stop suddenly. My hands no longer held him up, I just let go. I froze and my expression was wild and full of fear. I tried to process everything but all I saw was the mess that I had made of the clearing. Trees were downed, huge gauges dotted the ground, obvious cracks and indents in the rock face. But most frightening of all was the shocked and worried expression on my brother's face. He was rubbing his arm, and I wondered if I had bit him. I could not remember doing so. Our venom is the only thing that can penetrate our skin and it stings.

His thoughts continued to speak hushed and soothing words. Calm down, Edward. It will be ok. We can help. He reached out in an attempt to place a reassuring hand on my shoulder, but instead I took one step back from him. He froze and continued to look at me.

His stare began to make me uncomfortable. I did not see any condemnation or anger, just understanding that I was in pain. I longed for his anger, to have him lash out at me on the outside like I had done to myself on the inside. I wanted to show how wounded I truly felt. But the sympathy I saw in Emmett's eyes told me I would not get that from him.

So I did what I do best, I ran. I knew without a doubt that I could no longer stay with my family. I had lost all of my control in keeping up a normal façade. I no longer had the desire or mental fortitude to do so. I would begin the hunt for Victoria now. I needed to focus on one thing and on one thing only-Victoria. It was too much work to keep everyone's thoughts out, to keep track of my own emotions, to act as if life could move on. I pushed myself to run as fast as I could, I wanted to be gone before Emmett got back.

When I arrived at the house, I found it empty. A note on the coffee table stated that the others had gone hunting. It was written in Alice's handwriting. She must have seen what happened and knew it would be best to get everyone out of the house. After all I had put her through she was still looking out for me. I would owe that pixie for eternity for her help.

I raced to my room, hastily changed out of my shredded clothes and gathered my travel bag. I double checked that I had everything I needed including the map and the new phone. Once back downstairs I took a second to listen for Emmett, but he was nowhere in the house and I did not hear him coming through the forest. He must be giving me some space, time to be alone. Just another debt I would owe to one of my siblings.

As I turned to leave, I paused. Could I just leave without saying some kind of goodbye? Had I turned that heartless and cold? But I knew that what I should say, to each of them, could not be done in a simple note. So, I did the next best thing.

Carlisle,

This was not how I planned to leave and I know that this note is far from sufficient.

I want you to know that I truly appreciate all that you have done for me.

I wish that it was enough. Maybe after I accomplish what I want, I can feel peace.

But I fear that I may never find peace and if that happens,

I am unsure if I can ever come back.

I am sorry for that. But maybe it is for the best.

I will keep in touch. Again, I am very sorry.

Edward

I folded the paper in half and wrote Carlisle's name on the outside. I placed it on the coffee table where I was sure he would see it. I knew that Alice saw what I wrote and I hope she would understand; it was for her as well. With one last look I walked out the door. I only made it a few steps when I rushed back inside and up to my room.

I found the box I was looking for and opened it up to see the book I wanted near the top. I flipped it open and found the small scrap of paper I had shoved in there. Without opening it I took it and placed it in the pocket of my pants. It was a small token of why I was doing this, a reminder that at one time I had her love.

A/N: WOW.. Edward has lost it. But now the hunt is on! Please give me some love, just click that little button.. come on..you know you want to! I answer all signed reviews and give little hints as to what happens in the next chapter. I hope the next chapter will be up this weekend!