A/N: I know it has been a while, but this chapter was a crazy one to edit. So, I really hope it you enjoy it!
I want to give a shout out to 2 of my anonymous reviewers: Pat & Yvonne W. I wish I had the space to say what your reviews mean to me, to say that they are awesome is not enough. They are thoughtful, delightful and inspire me to continue. Thank you so much for reading my story and taking time to tell me what you think- it means a lot to me! THANKS!
Like always- I do not own Twilight or the characters, I just kidnap them and make them do what I want.
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The Existence of an Unlikely Hero
The rain had finally stopped falling but it did not matter, I was soaked through. That was not what bothered me, I was pissed that any trail I had a chance at finding was washed away by the steady rain that had fallen for the past three hours. I was just outside Billings and I just wanted to find some place to get dry and regroup. Up ahead the lights of the city glowed faintly on the horizon and I sped up in anticipation of getting out of the wet clothes I had been in for the past few hours.
The receptionist looked at me strangely when I asked for a room. I am sure they don't get many dripping wet male teenagers. Little did she know I wasn't merely a teen. Her thoughts were only focused on my outward appearance. Whoa! Look at the hottie. Wonder if he needs any company tonight. I hid my grimace at her insipid train of thought. Instead I smiled brightly and took the key card from her and made as human of a hasty exit as I could.
Once in the room I stripped out of the wet clothes, made arrangements for them to get washed and jumped into the shower. It felt good to wash off the last few days of grime. It had been raining off and on and I had gotten pretty muddy. Couple that with my last hunting trip where every animal ran through every possible mud puddle and I was tired of being caked in dirt and debris.
Finally I was in fresh clothes and feeling more comfortable, I could go about the normal routine when I stayed at a hotel. I plugged my phone in, set out my map and took out the plastic baggie with her note. I kept it so I did not see the words, but enjoyed seeing it none the less. All of these I placed on the generic looking desk. I turned on the TV for some background noise and sat down to do some research.
I searched the newspapers in Idaho, looking for recent murders or reports of animal attacks. With any possible trail wiped clean I had to resort to looking in the papers or on the local websites. Searching through camper and hiker forums online I found nothing. It was hard not to feel disappointed. Grabbing the map I began to cross off the areas I had searched and plotted the most likely course to continue with. Even though it wasn't necessary for me to cross off the grids as I completed them, it felt good, almost cathartic. There was a small feeling of accomplishment even though my mission was far from completed.
I glanced at the note and my fingers hovered over the plastic bag. No good would come from opening and holding what was inside, I knew that. I had experienced all too well what would happen. I tried to head off the memories before they replayed, but I had little mental fortitude to make them stop.
It was a few days after I'd left and I was still an emotional mess. I felt guilty over my hasty but necessary exit. As soon as I was in Alberta I texted Emmett how sorry I was. It was a pathetic gesture, but I couldn't leave it unsaid.
E: Em, I am sorry. I am more than that. Soo Sorry
Em: I know. Thanks. U coming back soon?
E: No. Its too hard
Em: Ok. Im not mad. I understand.
E: I don't deserve you as a brother
Em: I know!
E: Tell everyone I am ok. Will call soon.
Em: Ok. Miss you.
I had nothing to say to that, so I did not respond. I saw that I had an email from Carlisle but I could not stomach reading how he understood. I wanted someone to punish me, to berate me for the horrible things I had done. But that would never happen, not from Carlisle, not from any of them. Even Emmett whom I physically unleashed all my pent up anger and grief onto, only told me he knew how I was feeling. I did not deserve this life, my parents; I did not deserve love, her love.
It was in that haze of pain and misery that I continued on my way, slowly and methodically making my way down to Lewiston, Idaho. I tried to lose myself in the repetitive movements, one foot forward then the next. My senses were on alert, looking for any trace or scent that Victoria has been in the area. Over and over I went, but my mind would not rest; it kept brining me back to my miserable exit and the email that remained unread. My phone was a heavy reminder in my pocket, never letting me forget that my father had reached out to me and I was running away. Once again.
A few days later I had reached Lewiston and checked into a hotel. There had been no sign of Victoria or any vampire and I was feeling like a failure. Once in my room I showered, changed and the start of my routine was born. But once I had exhausted all of my searches, I only had Carlisle's unread email to deal with. Still feeling cowardly, I left to wonder the streets. It was an overcast day, so I could mingle with the rest of the town.
There wasn't much to see, I mean I was in Idaho. I stopped at a park, there were flowers all around that reminded me of the meadow and it made me pause. I tried not to think of her too much, but she hung around the recesses of my brain. She never moved, never spoke, but her presence was constant. I knew pulling out the memories and emotions would overwhelm me. I did not want to be distracted. I promised myself once Victoria was taken care of, I would sit with the memories. I would get lost in them, cocooning myself from the harsh reality where she wasn't with me. That would sustain me until she was no longer part of this earth and then I would cease to be as well.
It was then I realized that somewhere, somehow I had pulled her note from my pocket, slowly fingering the edges. I had forgotten that I'd left it in my pocket. This was my only reminder that at one time she loved me, that we shared a love. That she deemed me worthy enough to receive her love. She was my angel. Before I could stop the impulse I ever so carefully opened the small scrap of paper. My eyes traced over every loop and scrawl she made. I closed my eyes to try and hear the tone of her voice as she said the words she had written. Pain gripped my frozen heart and began to squeeze tight. My breath came out in ragged gasps as I struggled to fight the pain. I could not lose my control in public; I had to get back to the hotel, fast.
I could feel the memories creeping closer and closer to the forefront of my mind. If they made it there, I knew that I would crumple where I stood. I fought so hard to keep the pain and misery at bay, I needed to, I had to find Victoria and I had to make this world as safe as I could- for her.
How I heard the sounds when I was so lost in the strangle hold of my thoughts, I am still unsure; but I did hear them and they pulled me out of my torture. It was a scream. I scanned the park area and found that it was vacant save for me. I took a deep breath in and found no other trace of humans nearby. Then I heard it again, it was coming from behind me and almost half a mile away. Keeping to the shadows that were forming I hurriedly made my way closer to where the screams ere coming from.
About three blocks away a panicked voice bombarded me; it was full of sheer anxiety and terror. Oh, God! Please, please someone help me. I don't want to die. I had heard thoughts like that before back in my rebellious days. The hunter and monster in me rejoiced and I ran faster, slinking into my crouch. From the thoughts I was getting, it appeared a young woman was being cornered in the alley behind the shops in front of me.
In seconds I was in the alley and taking in the scene before me. A young girl had her back to the brick wall of the Chinese Diner and her eyes were wide in terror. Tears were streaming down her face and her mouth was moving in a wordless plea. Her assailant was her age, tall but lanky. His eyes were full of anger and it was all directed at her. From his thoughts, which were a tad unfocuseda , I surmised that they had dated and then broke up. She had moved on and he tried to win her back, but she refused him. Instead she got a restraining order against him last month. He has been planning revenge ever since.
Neither had noticed me and I wanted to keep it that way as I continued to slink closer to them. I was less than hundred feet from them when I saw what he was planning. In my next step I saw as he reached into the pocket of his coat to grab the weapon that he had, a knife. My next steps brought me closer and I heard the click as he flicked it open. The woman had closed her eyes, resigned to her fate at the hands of someone she once trusted.
Before he could bring the knife into the light I was behind him and twisting the arm that held the knife behind his back while my other hand reached across his throat and pulled him backwards away from the woman. "Call 911," I ordered her as I continued to pull him away from her and closer to where the alley and the street met. His thoughts were full of anger and fear, but with his words he played tough.
"Get off me man. This doesn't concern you. Let me go and I won't kick your ass."
I wanted to laugh at his words, like he was in any position to bargain with me. He began to uselessly struggle in my grip, trying to find a way out of my hold. The more he struggled, the more crude and vulgar he became and I was tiring of it. Calling up my many years of medical study, I located the right nerves in his neck and shoulder and squeezed gently. Instantly he went limp and ceased his movements. I laid him on the ground and faced the woman as she finished with her 911 call.
"Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" I kept my distance I did not want to scare her any more than she already was. Plus, I wanted to stay close to the loser on the ground in case he woke up. I wasn't sure if I used enough pressure to keep him quiet until the police arrived.
Her eyes darted quickly from me to her ex on the ground. Her thoughts were still chaotic and she was trying to figure out exactly what had happened. Her hands fluttered to her throat where he had held her against the wall. Even from where I stood I could see faint bruises forming. By tomorrow morning they would be darker and painful. I worried that he may have done damage to her windpipe.
"I'm ok..who..what..?" She struggled to form coherent thoughts and questions. In the distance I could hear the police were on their way and I did not want to be there when that happened. Suddenly, there was a noise from the street. I looked at my feet to see her attacker was still out cold, I glanced to either side of the street when I saw another man running towards me. My instincts were screaming at me to defend and attack, but his thoughts, which were frantically screaming, stalled me.
Katie! Where did she go? I am so sorry baby that we fought. Katie! He skidded to a halt in the alley way and peered down towards the woman who I now knew was Katie. She saw him in the same moment and ran to him with her arms outstretched and fresh tears falling down her cheeks. He raced past me and in a few steps pulled her into his arms.
"What happened? Why did you run from me like that? Are you ok?" His eyes searched her entire body while his arms held her close.
"I am so sorry, Craig. I was mad and just wanted time to myself. And then….then..." Her wailing sobs prevented her from continuing with the story. Sensing that I should get out of here fast, I spoke for her.
"I happened to hear her screams as I was walking by. I saw this man," I gestured to the person at my feet, "had her by her throat and a knife. I pulled him off her and held him while she called the police. They should be here soon." I slowly backed the rest of the way out of the alley. "I should get going. He should be coming around soon. I pinched some nerve endings to quiet him. Watch him until the police arrive." I was halfway through my turn when Craig finally spoke, "Thank you, for all your help. Can I ask why you bothered?"
The words were out before I could think, "Because at one time I had my own Katie and I would have wanted someone to help her if I was not there. Keep her safe." It took every ounce of concentration I had to walk out of there at human speed, but I managed it. Once I was encased in the shadows I ran back to the park.
I sank down on one of the park benches and just froze. It wasn't like me to interfere and then to let the scum live. The monster in me had wanted to punish him, to show him what it meant to truly be a monster. But I ignored him. I swatted him away like he was nothing more than an annoying insect. I replayed all that happened and it became clear why I did not kill him, it was because of the girl. I could not subject her to witnessing such an atrocity. The fear I saw in her eyes mirrored a fear I saw many months ago. Just like tonight, I could not let her see me as a monster. Even though that is what I was, she did not need to see it.
With my thoughts back to her I reached for the note I had been looking at earlier. Panic gripped me as I could not find it in my pockets. I frantically searched every pocket I had over and over and I could not find it. No, no no. I can't lose that. That is all I have of her. The words chanted themselves over and over in my head as I looked. I went back to the place I was earlier in the park and looked in the grass and shrubs. I found it laying half in the grass and a small puddle of water.
I lurched towards the small scrap of paper and I could see the water as it slowly soaked into the paper. I snatched it up and opened it up to see the words 'love you' become blurry. Unbridled fear seeped into my bones; I had to stop the water from ruining any more of the note. With inhuman speed I made my way back to the hotel and into my room. I pulled the hair dryer from the wall in the bathroom and started to dry the note. I breathed a small sigh of relief when no more words blurred out and the note was completely dry.
Sitting on the bed, I stared at the words that were almost completely obscured. My fingers traced the ink that spider-webbed out. It was irrational and somewhere inside I knew that, but I felt I had erased some of her love. It was only the word, but some part of me believed I had erased a part of her from my life. Deep slashing pain crashed through my body and I fell onto the bed as it washed over me. I bit back the sobs that threatened to break free. Instead I was shaking my head, trying to dislodge the thoughts that were clinging with a ferocious tenacity. There was no way I could erase her from my life. She was too engrained, too much a part of me. Even though we were separated, she was with me.
The need to make this right, to stop the dark thoughts consumed me and I did the first thing that came to my mind. I stumbled to the desk and reached for the pen sitting there. Carefully I traced the words back onto the paper, making sure that I followed the original indentations that she had made. When I finished, I felt as if a small weight had lifted from me. The note still held the proof of the water damage but the words were there. That was the important thing to me, the words.
I am proud of you.
I heard the words as clear as day and I closed my eyes, I would know that voice anywhere. I waited to see if she would speak again.
You did the right thing tonight.
The pride I heard there was unmistakable. I had heard it several times from her, but I did not know if I deserved it. Fearful of speaking out loud, I kept my eyes closed and spoke in my mind. I did it because of you. Even in my mind, my words were tentative and soft.
No, you did it because it was the right thing to do.
I hung my head. She always thought better of me. She claimed to see the man inside the vampire and that is what she had faith and trust in, the man who loved her and wanted to see her safe. I did not know what to say to that, so I asked a question of her, fearing the answer. How long will you stay with me? I held my breath as I waited for her to speak.
I think you have some unfinished business to take care of. It's time.
Once again, she was right and I would do anything that she told me to do, without question. Will you stay with me? I need you. I was not above begging her to stay; I did not care how crazy it seemed, I would do it. It was too hard to be alone.
I am always with you.
With that said, I could almost feel her leave me and another hole was carved into my riddled spirit. The pain and misery edged ever so closer to me and for a brief second I thought of giving in to it. It would be easy to find the blackness and numbness once again and let it surround me. But she was right, I had to take care of some business and it was time. I reached for the phone and opened my email.
Edward-
I hope that you are doing well and will respond quickly to let us know you are all right. I understand why you left. We only want you to know that we love you and hope that you will come home. Together we can help you; you do not need to do this by yourself. Please remember that you are never alone in this world and that no matter what happens, we will stand by you. Please write back soon.
Carlisle
I re-read the words a dozen times. Seeing what was not said and what was written between the lines. I had hurt them all with my departure and still they loved me. Guilt and loathing consumed me and I did nothing to stop it. How many times would I hurt them before they gave up on me? I knew each day, each week I was gone, would only deepen and intensify their pain. I wanted to tell them to forget me, to move on with their lives. But the coward I was refused to write the words. I was terrified of being on my own. I truly was a monster if I refused to free my family from the pain I have caused.
My reply was short,
Carlisle
I am very sorry for how I left things. I am doing ok. I have not found Victoria yet, so my search continues. Will try and write later.
Edward
It was woefully inadequate and once again I felt like a failure. I clutched Bella's note to my chest and I curled up on the bed. I waited for the blackness, I begged for it to take me over. Instead I watched the sun as it began to rise over the horizon. Another day without her had dawned.
Trying to pull my thoughts back into the present was hard. It was too easy to get lost in the misery, in all the memories that were tied up into her. My gaze flicked to the plastic bag once again, sighing, I picked it up and shoved it into my pocket. Who was I kidding? I could go nowhere without it. I needed that tangible reminder of her. Since that first night in Lewiston I would venture out into the city whenever I spent a night in a hotel. I tried to kid myself that it was to search for Victoria, to look for some clue that she was near. But that wasn't the case. I went out in the hopes that something I did would bring the sweet sound of her voice back to me.
I had not heard it since then and I was feeling shaky. This must be what drug addicts felt like when going through withdrawal. Part of me found that analogy humorous; I went from one drug, her blood, to another, the sound of her voice. A larger part of me saw it as nothing more than pathetic. But I was beyond thinking I had a choice in the matter. When did I ever have a choice when it came to her?
My musings had occupied my time and I found myself in downtown Billings. It was a Friday night and so it was filled with people. Some were scurrying home after work, others heading out to blow off steam. I wondered aimlessly, not looking for anything in particular. The local outfitter store was still open so I went in to see if I could pick the minds of recent hikers. I found two in the kayak area and I drifted closer. They were discussing with the salesperson the merits between two different kayaks. A cursory glance in their minds found nothing too concerning and I slipped away before I was noticed.
With no real purpose or plan I continued to wonder. Feelings of failure and regret were slowly creeping closer and I tried to keep them at bay. I knew that looking for Victoria would be like finding a needle in a haystack, but that wasn't enough to dispel the feelings of failure. The regret was new; I tried not to examine it too closely. I feared if I did that I would not like what I found.
A jostle from behind broke me from my reverie and looked around to see that I had stopped in front of the local VFW hall. The noise from the place was deafening, both verbal and non-verbal, but feelings I felt were pulling me in. A small group of people behind me carried me with them and I went along. Once inside I scanned the room trying to figure out what drew me in.
There was a bar at the far end with its usual assortment of people crowding around. The closest wall to me held several tables that had been pushed together and from where I stood there were several items placed on them. Looking closer I could see no rhyme or reason to them. There was an autographed football and jersey, several gift baskets, gift certificates to local businesses among numerous other collections.
I stepped away from the door when I heard it open and found a lone table in the corner. I continued my perusal of the room as I sat down. There was a buffet that was set up and was full of nameless foods, but the line indicated that the humans found it enjoyable. The mood was tense and hopeful with a tinge of happiness. I tried to read the thoughts but they were disjointed. Couple that with the immense crowd of people and it was rather painful to try and sort it all out.
Feeling that I had ventured into here for no real reason I started to move from the table when an older couple took to the stage that I had failed to notice in the throng of people. They were followed shortly by a small child. The crowd hushed suddenly and I stilled. The air was thick with anticipation and for a strange reason, I was as well.
The woman was handed a microphone and looked out at the sea of faces. Her thoughts were relatively calm as she took a deep breath before speaking.
"Hello everyone! My name is Judy and this is my husband Mike and I think you all know Ellie here." She gestured to the small child I had noticed earlier. Looking at her I saw that she was rather thin and that her scalp had a faint halo of hair. She waved to the crowd and smiled gently before she clung to the woman's hand. Judy continued, "We can't thank you enough for coming tonight on behalf of Ellie." I watched as several people gave her encouraging smiles and she returned them with genuine affection.
"But for those who may not know our story and why we are all here, please allow me a few moments to explain. About six months ago Ellie lost her parents in a horrible house fire. Her mother, who was my sister, and her husband were caring and loving people. Not a day goes by that we don't miss them. After that awful day, Ellie came to live with us and we couldn't be happier. But, as most of you know, Ellie has been battling leukemia for the last year or so." Her voice broke on the last few words, tears formed in her eyes and there wasn't a sound in that entire room.
A few deep breaths later and she continued the tale, and I was riveted to where I sat. "What you may not know is that our adoption of Ellie is not final, therefore she has had to rely on state insurance which doesn't cover the cost of Ellie's chemo and medication. Her doctor's tell us that while her chances at beating this disease are good, she still needs a bone marrow transplant to give her that chance. Even after the adoption is final, we worry she may be denied health insurance. So, we need help to raise the funds for the transplant and other medical needs."
I stared in awe at this brave woman. The courage and strength it took for her to step in to raise her niece, especially one with medical needs with no consideration to how they would manage, astounded me. I hardly heard as she talked about the cost of the transplant and the several more rounds of chemo she would need to endure prior to the operation. I stared intently at the little girl who was feeling more comfortable with the crowd looking at her. What hair she had left was the color of honey wheat and her skin was pale and delicate. But it was her eyes that captured me; they were a light brown, almost the color of desert sand. Although I knew they were not the same, it was close enough.
I timed my departure well. The crowd was clapping at the end of Judy's speech and some were heading to the silent auction table I had noticed upon my arrival. Once outside the cooler air cleared my mind. I knew that the color was not even close, but for a fleeting moment, it was like she was staring at me and the sensation was too much to take. I felt claustrophobic and panicky. I needed to leave and quickly.
I rushed back to the hotel and once I reached my room, the gasps I had been holding in came out in a rush. I scrambled to find calm and balance but I was unable to grab hold of anything. My mind tumbled in a chaos of thoughts and feelings that were too overwhelming for me to process. So I lay there on the bed, gasping for air, waiting for something.
Finally a few hours later reason took hold and reminded me that my angel was far away and was not looking at me from the eyes of a sick child. I held onto that thought as I righted myself on the bed. It was time to head out on the search again and I needed to prepare. Methodically I packed my bag, rechecked my map and put my phone in my pocket. I was as ready as I'd ever be.
Since the room was paid for, I left through the back exit and made my way through downtown. I had the eastern most edge of Montana to search before I moved onto the Dakotas. I focused on my strategic search pattern as I began to leave the city limits. I had only made it a few blocks out of town when a sense of purpose consumed me. Knowing that the late hour would prevent me from directly taking care of what I wanted, I reached out to someone who would help without question. I sent a quick email and I was off.
It was many hours later as I was searching an unknown scent that did not strike me as human when I received a response to my earlier email. There was a web link attached. I clicked the link and a smile burst forth as I read a headline from a Billings newspaper:
Anonymous donor from Washington gives $1 million to local girl with leukemia.
There was no need for me to read anymore. I went back to the note at the end of the email;
We all wanted to help, so we increased the donation- Carlisle
My family never ceased to amaze me with the depth of their love and kindness. I only reached out to Carlisle to make a donation because the local bank was closed. Now, with their generosity, a little girl might get a fighting chance at life; it was more than I could hope for. I continued walking, feeling lighter than I had been in several weeks.
No monster would ever do what you did, you are just amazing.
I closed my eyes at her words, but kept moving, I was on a mission.
A/N: So, what do you think of Edward now? I got 6 reviews for last chapter- a record, plus several more story alerts. Could I ask for 7 reviews? I answer all signed ones and I give a little hint for whats coming up next!
Sooo Review.. you know you want to...come on..make my day!