Chapter 3

AN: Thanks so much for the reviews; I promise to answer ASAP. I managed to get this one done before the show tonight even with my back out! Whoo hoo! Extra special thanks to JenRar for her fantastic edit in record time...

Report # 014-384-22-64A.

Report type: Follow-up to closed case

Location: 4343 Freemont Street, Billings, Montana

Data: Apprehension and subsequent arrest of serial arsonist

Day/Date of Occurrence: May 12, 20…

Derek paused in the typing of his report and looked up to see his best friend dart past his office to hers, carrying a massive, overflowing bag. Along with the bag, she had a briefcase slung around her neck. She also had the reddest cheeks and the guiltiest look he had ever seen her wear before...and after six years, he'd seen some whoppers!

This, of course, required investigation.

He stood quickly and trotted over behind her, as quietly as he could so he didn't startle her, before announcing, "What's wrong, Baby Girl?"

"Ah!" she screamed, dropping the lopsided and overstuffed bag she was carrying. In a comedy of errors, she reached for it as the bag bounced on her knee, and then unceremoniously landed on the floor. A bunch of the contents spilled in disarray all over the hallway outside their offices.

"Oh my God! Help me pick this up," she whispered, dropping to her knees and gathering items in massive armloads, "before someone else sees."

He had been too busy watching her reaction to really notice what fell out. She was really kind of comical, and still beet red with embarrassment.

He chuckled, stooping down to pick up something. "Baby, what's the big…oh! Damn, girl! What in the hell?"

She looked up at him. "Gather first, questions second."

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was like a XXX store threw up in the BAU hallway. Shaking his head, he picked up several dildos, a few cans of some sort of edible foreplay cream, and a box containing a pair of Pleasure Principle velvet lined cuffs.

"Hmm..." he said, taking a second to read that box. Those looked interesting...

"Derek, please, not now," she pleaded, obviously mortified. "Hurry…Before Strauss comes and sees this!"

Being the good friend that he really was, he gathered a bunch of stuff, opened the door to P's lair, and swept things inside the door like a bulldozer for erotic goods. Once the last item was scooped up from the floor, he lifted the sack to his arm and went into her office.

Penelope quickly entered behind him, shut her door, and locked it. She leaned against the door, panting, her eyes shut, and groaned in misery.

He started to chuckle again, which earned him a one eyed glare.

"Derek, this is nothing to laugh about!"

"Yes, it is," he answered honestly, reaching for a big, lime green vibrator, which was out of the box. It was absolutely something to laugh about. If she couldn't see that, she wasn't his Baby Girl. She had to see the humor in this...

"No, it is not," she said flatly, with not a trace of her usual impish Garcia grin. Obviously, she was in trouble.

He pointed the vibe at her and arched a brow. "Will you tell me what the hell is going on?"

She slumped even more against the door and groaned. Normally, this would make Derek smile, being surrounded by sex toys, if he were in a different situation. He didn't dare smile right now.

"Oh, Hot Stuff! You can't tell anyone about this! I could just die," she said woefully. "I could kill Cara for doing this to—turn that thing off!"

Derek had flipped the switch, causing the machine to vibrate and sway, like a palm tree in the wind. The low humming buzz filled the mortuary-like silence in the office. He flicked another button, and a little appendage on the top, like a bunny rabbit, started hopping, which made Derek burst out laughing again.

She yanked it away from him and shut it off, her face so scarlet, he worried about her blood pressure.

"Get out," she said dully. Her voice had a desolate tone he had never heard before.

"Oh, come on, sugar," he cajoled, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "I'll listen."

"You said that last time," she remarked, giving him a wary eye. "I don't trust you."

"Please, sugar. I couldn't help it. That thing was like a beacon, drawing my attention," he replied with a cheeky grin. "I had to do it."

"Fine," she said, tight lipped. "You can buy it from me, take it home, and play with it all you want."

He gave her an incredulous look. "Why on earth would I want that thing? I…Wait." He paused to arch a brow. "Buy it from you?"

She gave him a grim nod.

"You've become a peddler of sex toys?" he asked, arching a brow in disbelief. He picked up a hot pink latex coated set of ben wa balls. They looked kind of painful to him...

"Yes."

He looked over at her again at that, the sound in her voice just so forlorn. He shook his head, making the balls rotate around each other in the palm of his hand with his thumb. "Why in the hell would you want to do that?"

"I don't want to!" she snapped, yanking the balls out of his hand. Sighing and scowling, she took her seat. "This is my niece Cara's business. She was making extra money for college and for a trip to Honduras to help her dad."

"Parker's kid?"

"Yes," she said with a nod.

She looked surprised that he remembered the name. She didn't talk about her family very much. Then again, he didn't talk a lot about Desiree and Sarah and Fran, but he knew she knew them, too. They were like that with each other—knew little intimacies.

He almost blushed himself, thinking about the word intimate right now. He was coming up with all sorts of uses for this stuff!

Getting back on track, he asked, "Why are you selling it now?"

"Parker had a mishap in Central America. He needed money, cash." She looked up at him with raised brows. "Ten thousand dollars."

"I'd loan you that, Princess," he said. That wasn't that much money—certainly not worth her dignity.

"I know you would, angel fish," she answered, "but Cara already had most of the money. She just needed someone to keep this business going while she was gone."

He still couldn't help looking at her in complete surprise. "Baby, why would you agree to this? You don't look like the sex toy type."

She gave him an odd look for a second, one that looked kind of defensive and hurt, but then she shrugged. "I'm not, I guess. I didn't know what kind of business this was until security looked through it."

He gave a hoot of laughter. "Ol' Martin must've loved that! Poor old fart probably had a coronary."

"It was Rick and a new trainee."

Derek grumbled a little under his breath. He didn't like Rick; the man was a cocky SOB, who thought he was God's gift to women. Used to drive him crazy, back when—

"Anyway, I'm stuck now," she said, frowning heavily. "I have to do two shows a week, Derek, selling five hundred dollars worth of profit each, and I don't even know what half of this stuff is for!"

"Well, sweetheart, I can show you," he said with a leer.

"NO!" she practically yelled, looking even more mortified. "Will you be serious for a second?"

He didn't mean to be a jerk about it; he really did think this was terribly funny, and thought it would help if she did, too.

"Come on, baby," he cajoled. "Imagine if Reid walked in with this bag, or even Prentiss. You'd crack up, too."

Her frown deepened. "But it's not Reid or Prentiss; it's me! I need help. I...can't..I.."

Watching her face crumple, as two tears rolled down her cheeks, he realized then how serious this was. He loved Penelope; he wouldn't want to hurt her for the world. She was a very dear friend—the best he had ever had.

"Come here," he murmured, pulling her into his arms. He held her tightly, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

Immediately, her scent, warm and sweet like apples and peaches and Penelope, rose to envelope him. He loved her perfume; it was intoxicating. He smiled for a second, thinking she would need to share her perfume recipe with his next girlfriend.

He kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry, baby. Everything is going to be all right."

She scoffed. "Yeah, right. Are you going to do the shows?"

"No," he said, cringing at the thought. That didn't sound like fun. "But I will buy out the shows you have to do."

"What?"

"Who knows?" he replied with a grin and a wiggle of his eyebrows. "Maybe I can find use for thousands of dollars in sex toys?"

"Absolutely not," she emphatically said. "I can't let you do that."

"Baby," he protested.

"No!" she snapped, immediately looking contrite. "Sugar bear, you can't plop down money to fix this. I will do it. It's my problem, I have to fix it."

He watched her stand and walk to the duffel bag. She kicked it in disdain. "I just need to figure out what this shit is for."

"Well, I am going to help you with that," he answered.

"God, no," she said quickly.

"I insist," he said. "It is the least I can do. We'll figure it out."

He watched her blush beet red again.

Laughing, he touched her nose. "Not that way, honey…unless you want to?" he teased, unable to resist.

She nodded. "All right, you win. I bet you know what all this stuff is for already anyway."

"Oh, yeah," he answered, but worried a little bit. With his sexual past, he'd used a few things, but nothing like half of this stuff. "Should be a piece of cake."

He held her tight again, and she sighed against him. "You are going to do great, Baby Girl. Not many women are naturally sexy goddesses like you are."

She smiled up at him, and then rose on her toes and kissed his cheek. "You got that right, honey pants. Now vamoose. I have work to do."