The last battle was raging, when suddenly Draco Malfoy tripped over something alive.
"What the—" he started, noticing the rather frightened porcine resident of Hogwarts. As this happened, the girl who had cast the enchantment died, and her spell was the sort of spell that would be nullified if such an event occurred. Tara Gillespie stared up at him in surprise.
"Oh hai Mark," she said excitedly. While she was a pig, she'd only been able to use the internet to communicate, and the whole 'worst story ever written' thing led her to the worst movie ever made…The Room. Watching it had sent thousands of inside jokes into her brain—inside jokes that she could never share, due to her pigginess—and they were all about to burst out at once.
"Who the fuck are you?" Malfoy asked, staring at her in shock.
"I—I'm fed up with this world?" Suddenly realizing that something in her brain had gone horribly wrong, Tara shouted, "YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!"
"I'm getting the fuck out of here," Draco hissed, getting up and starting to run towards what was soon to be an awkward manhug between him and his dark lord.
"YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL OF THIS!" she cried, sobbing. "Leave your stupid comments in your pocket." A nurse approached her, thinking she was injured.
"What's wrong?" she asked, helping Tara to her feet. Blinking back tears, Tara tried to communicate.
"It matters a great deal," she managed. "What kind of drugs do you take? I definitely have breast cancer."
Of course, if I were the nurse, I would have understood immediately. Unfortunately, I was not the nurse. She was sent to a wizard insane asylum, where she remains to this day, mumbling things like, "How is your sex life?" at totally inappropriate times in the dialogue.