Chapter Fourteen: Big D Goes Gold
Breaking news! Dudley Dursley, cousin (and dear friend) to the illustrious Harry Potter, has become a rapper! 'Big D', after several attempts to become a football star (and one memorable attempt to skydive off of Big Ben), made a gold album in the first weeks of his career. His top songs are a remix of "I Am the Walrus" and the self-written "Stole My Sole", based on an experience of a young fangirl trying to steal his sneakers. Following numerous attempts by us, your crack reporters, to secure an interview with Dudley, he finally agreed to speak with us. "Oh, me an' Harry, we're tight" was his response to our question as to his relationship with his famous cousin. "Yeah, he was famous first, and he always got the girls, but that's never affected how close we are. Now that I get the girls, he'll be beggin' me for an autograph."