A/N: Here is the next chapter..sorry for the delay. To make it up to you, it is an extra long one. :) I want to give a huge shout out to my beta- PisceanPal23, who right now is frantically trying to survive finals...I know you can do it girl!
To all my wonderful readers..thank you se very much for the reviews and faves and alerts...they bring a smile to me whenever I see them in my email!
As always, I do not own anything realted to Twilight..I am just playing in her world. ENJOY!
Common Ground
The wide open spaces of Pennsylvania brought me back to the present. I took a deep breath and let the scents assault me. There was the scent of dying grass, of small animals scurrying, a hint of rain, the coolness of the air, but no vampire. I was coming up on the Appalachian Mountains and the last leg of the US Border States. I could feel my emotions starting to slide. It was that I had traversed all these miles and still found no hint of Victoria, but it was also a few days before Christmas.
It had been over a month since I'd spoken to my family and I had no desire to call them. It had also been over three months since I'd left her. My desire to race back to her ebbed and flowed. There were days when I was strong enough to stay true to my promise to her that she never see me again. Other days, when the selfish side found the strength to protest, all I wanted to do is run back and beg her forgiveness. On those days I would lock myself down and force myself to remember why the selfish side was so very wrong.
I was having one of those days, and to top it off I needed to find another hotel room. There would be partly sunny skies tomorrow and my phones needed to charge. Holed up with my erratic emotions was not my idea of fun. It was just another day in the life of a monster. With a less than pleasant attitude, I snatched the keys from the hotel receptionist and stalked away towards my room.
With resignation I pulled out my worn map and crossed off the sections I had searched. I realized how close I was to my family and ached to see them. No, it was more like I was tired of being alone and just wanted to feel something, anything. Anything beyond the despair, pain, anger and intense grief that were my constant companions. But I knew that once the temporary happiness my homecoming would bring wore off, I would be searching for a way to leave again. It was better for me to leave them alone.
I grabbed my phone and began searching the area for any suspicious deaths or unexplained disappearances. A feeling of unease washed over me when I realized how much I wished to find something. I felt sick and my most recent feeding sloshed uncomfortably in my stomach adding to the feeling. I did not want to wish harm on anyone and to even think it made me angry.
I wanted to rage against it all. Who I was, the choices I had made, the loss of her, the loss of my family. There were the feelings of isolation, my failure in tracking and the necessity of it and the knowledge that Victoria would cause harm and I was powerless to stop it. My only thought had been to keep Victoria from ever coming in contact with my angel, but what about the countless, nameless other victims? Didn't they deserve saving just as much? Frustration at my inability to keep Victoria from harming anyone else poured out of me.
My head fell to the desk I was sitting at and my hands clutched at my hair. I wanted to yank it out; I hated feeling helpless. There had to be a better way, didn't there? I was tired of hoping I would be lucky enough to come across her scent. I wanted to feel like I had a clue about what I was doing. My systematic searching was getting me nowhere fast.
I pushed the chair away from the desk and paced the small room. It took me exactly eleven and a half steps to go from one end to the other. I knew I had to find another way to approach this, there needed to be another way. I collapsed on the bed and closed my eyes. I needed to go back to the beginning and review everything. I had to find that one clue or hint that could unravel this mystery. Keeping my eyes closed, I started to relax. I needed to be calm and in control. There was no time to fall apart and lose it, she was counting on me and I refused to let her down. I had done enough of that already.
So in my mind I went back to that night in the field, the night we played baseball and all hell broke loose. I started from when I first heard their thoughts, minutes before they were in the clearing. She was curious, but more furious at James for being excited. She did not understand what there was to be excited about.
When she made it into the clearing, her eyes swept all around, looking for any other potential threats. Then she turned her gaze onto the seven of us standing strong. In my mind's eye I longed to gaze upon her, to see her one more time. But I was not strolling down this memory to look at my angel. There were plenty of other good memories I could drag out whenever I wanted.
As they drew closer, my memories were more focused on James and his intense scrutiny of us all, sizing us up, looking for our strengths and categorizing our weaknesses. I switched to the memories that Emmett and Jasper let me see so many weeks back. Both of them were preoccupied with making sure they were aware of their mates and looking at the trio of vamps standing before us.
That's when it all clicked for me, the elusive piece of information I had overlooked. I felt quite foolish for not seeing or thinking about it, for not even considering it when I was planning my tracking expedition. But there it was, hard to ignore. There was one person I had forgotten, one person who would know much more about Victoria than I could ever hope to know. Laurent was with James and Victoria for some time. How much time I was unsure of, but it was long enough for the three of them to develop a strategy when confronting other vampires.
Laurent took the place of leader due to his ability to be civil and congenial. We learned all too soon that it was James who was the true leader of that coven. Laurent was along for the ride, but he had no real ties to them. It was all too easy for him to up and leave, especially when things got a bit tense. He had left to find our cousins in Denali. He was intrigued by the life we led and went to see how it could fit him.
So, the next concern for me was how willing he would be to talk to me about Victoria. How much would he divulge to help me? If he was still in Denali after all this time, he may be willing to help out, although it might be prudent that I keep the reasons why I needed that information to myself. Maybe I should call up there, just to see if he is still there. No, that was a bad idea. I did not want to tip him off.
I went on like that for hours, question after question. I began planning the best way to approach him and the questions most likely to give me the information I desperately sought. I had a new purpose, a new focus in my hunt and for the first time, I felt an emotion besides the endless pain and sadness. I felt hope. I savored that for some time. Letting it course through my veins, seep into my bones, into my very essence. This could all end very soon.
In the end the best course of action would be to head out there and talk to him face to face. I was already planning on searching the Canadian Provinces, so I could kill two birds with one stone. Excited by the new turn of events, I went online to map out my search patterns. I did not have a map of Canada I could do this on, so I needed to down load a map on my phone. I then spent the next few hours plotting the exact routes I would travel. If my calculations were correct, it would take me a little over a month to get to Denali.
Once done I looked at the time and realized I had spent most of the day planning and strategizing. Sunset would be in a few hours and then I could begin my search anew. The hope I had felt swelled to unbearable heights. I was sure that once I spoke to Laurent, I would be so much closer to finding Victoria than I ever had been. The prospect of such an idea, it had my muscles coiled and ready for action. I could even dare to envision how the fight would go down, how I would put an end to her. Once I had her in front of me, there would be no escape, no mercy.
As the last of the light faded from the horizon I was out of the hotel and on my way to Toronto, the first city in my search. I also needed to gather more supplies, or more actually, more props. I was heading into a colder climate so I needed a jacket that would fit where I was. My cover in case I ran into any humans was that I was doing some winter camping, so I also needed a winter tent. I was not planning on spending many days in hotels; most of my searching would be in remote wilderness areas. Yet, I wanted to be able to continue searching nearby cities for any suspicious deaths. So I needed a portable way to recharge my phones' battery.
With my props in hand, I took off into the night. The air was cold and the skies were clear. As I got further from the city lights, I gazed at the massive amounts of stars laid out before me, their quiet and stark beauty was easy to appreciate. The stories that they told resonated deep inside me. To keep me company, I ran through some of my favorite stories: Cassiopeia, Hercules, Orion and even Gemini, which my sign fell under. The tales of love, war, the Gods and drama filled my time and made it easy to continue on my journey. The normal melancholy that would creep in the longer I searched with no fruitful results was absent.
I knew it was because I had hope. I had a plan that could, no, would reap rewards and benefits. Those would then in turn lead me towards Victoria and her demise. That would allow me to fulfill the promise I had made to myself, to protect my love, to ensure her safety for the rest of her life. To eliminate any possible dangers that would seek to cause her harm. I may not be able to be there to save her from herself and the inevitable trips, stumbles, falls and other calamities that befall the eternally clumsy. In place of that, I would keep the larger dangers from her, those of my kind that may seek her out. It was a worthy trade in my eyes.
The days melded together into one week and within a blink of an eye two weeks had passed and I was excited that I was half-way towards my goal. I could almost taste the success, the relief that I was doing something with a purpose. Of course it would be nice if I found her before I spoke to Laurent, but it did not matter. Once I spoke to him and gathered the needed information everything would fall into place. It would only be a matter of time and not too much of it I was certain, before Victoria was dead. Anticipation once more flowed through me; venom coated my mouth in excess in preparation of the fight. My entire body hummed with energy, my muscles longing to stretch and flex. I had never been more ready to spring into action. I even hunted more often to keep my body and mind strong and poised.
It was rare for me to be so wrapped in my own excitement and positive emotions. For so long my mind had dwelled in the dark and dangerous realm of pain and grief. Everything was brighter, sharper; more in focus and it distracted me. But it was a welcome distraction and one I relished in. Even the pending rain was unable to damper my spirits. So with optimism still charging through me, I began to set up my tent. The chance of a human stumbling by me while in the Canadian wilderness was slight, but I was meticulous in maintaining the façade.
In a manner of minutes the tent was up and I was inside. I took out my phone, wanting to do some searching of recent news and police reports before the rain interfered with my cell signal. A scan of all the nearby cities revealed nothing to make me suspect a rouge vampire was on the loose. With that done, I figured now was a good time to hunt. The desire and urgent need for blood had yet to fully return, but I needed my strength to be at its peak. So I resumed my normal hunting habits regardless of my thirst.
A few hours later, sated and feeling good I headed back to my tent. I was so wrapped up in my own internal thoughts that I had let my guard down and forgot to be completely aware of my surroundings. I was a few miles from my tent when I ran across a scent I was unfamiliar with. It seemed to be a vampire, but I was not completely sure. I reached out with my other senses, but I could hear no thoughts. I followed the scent and was shocked to discover it was heading in the direction of my tent. The drizzling rain was becoming steadily heavier and I knew that it would wipe the trail clean.
I changed course and decided to come at my campsite from the back, in the hopes I may discover who this unknown person was. The rain would make sure my scent did not alert the other to my presence, so I continued forward, gliding over the debris of the forest floor. I was within a half mile when I heard the noise behind me. I whipped around and simultaneously slipped into my hunting crouch. A gasp flew from my lips when I tried to process what was before my eyes.
It was female and the shape was vaguely familiar. But it was the hair that had me mesmerized. It was long and wavy and an eerily similar shade to… Bella's? The thought stopped me cold. It couldn't be; there was no way. Quickly I scanned the remaining features. The height was close to the same, the shape of the face was achingly familiar. "Bella?"
The question slipped from my lips before I could even think it through. Half of me fervently wished it was her; the other part would die if she had been changed. My thoughts spiraled wildly out of control.
"No," she replied. "My name is Sophia and I would appreciate it if you would relax your stance."
The voice had the familiar chime of our kind, and I sensed no maliciousness in her tone either. My proximity to her also allowed me to hear her thoughts. They were nothing more than curious as to who I was and what I was doing out here. Realizing that there was no immediate danger, I relaxed my posture.
"Forgive me. I was surprised by you and my reaction was instinctive. I meant no harm." If she could be polite, I could as well.
She nodded and smiled at my statement. "Apology accepted. Would you be so kind as to tell me your name?"
"Forgive my lapse in manners, I am Edward Cullen." Her smile was kind and welcoming. I sensed no hostility in her thoughts, soI began to relax slightly.
"Is that your tent I found no more than half a mile from here?" She nodded in the direction of the tent. From her thoughts I gathered she went through it and found nothing to tie it to me. Although she only smelled me, she wondered if a human would be on their way back to it, get out of the rain.
"Yes, it is mine." She arched one perfectly sculpted eyebrow. It was then I noticed her vivid crimson eyes. She had recently fed and wondered if the tent was mine by default as the previous owner was no longer living. I did not want to clue her in to the fact that I could read her thoughts, but I longed to correct her assumption about my eating habits. I was proud of who I was.
"Your eyes?" she whispered. Her thoughts were whirling, trying to reconcile what she was seeing with stories she had heard. "They are not red. Why?"
"I do not drink the blood of humans, only the blood of animals, which is why my eyes are this color." Her sharp intake of air ended on a gasp. "It's true? I have heard about Stregoni benefici. Is that you?" The awe in her voice made me proud that Carlisle was my father. I was even more humbled that she thought I was the good vampire she referenced.
I shook my head slowly, "No that is my father, my creator. I only strive to live by the example he has set for me." A strange desire to continue talking to her overtook me. I acted on that impulse before I could think twice.
"Would you like to get out of the rain? The tent is more than large enough." I gestured towards the tent as if to say I would follow her. "I would be happy to tell you more about my father and this life style, if you're interested." Her thoughts were full of curious questions when she heard about Carlisle. She was intrigued.
"That would be delightful." With that she sped towards the tent and we were there in a matter of minutes. I went in first so she would be closer to the exit if she should feel threatened. I shrugged out of my wet jacket and placed it into the corner of the tent. She watched me with curious eyes. I continued to get more comfortable. I took off my shoes and replaced my wet socks with dry ones.
"You go through the motions of acting human. Is that part of your diet?" Her voice held no condemnation, merely curiosity.
"I guess in a way, yes. Because of our diet we are able to interact among humans and live among them. So we have adopted human habits to blend in." I made a wide sweeping gesture to show her what I meant. "We have a permanent residence in For- in Ithaca. Even though we can live among them, we are unable to stay long. We try to leave before the humans realize we are not aging."
She drank in every word I spoke. "Tell me how you came to adopt this lifestyle, how your father came to live this way." She gave a soft smile, it was encouraging.
So I gave her an abbreviated version of Carlisle and his transformation and how he resisted who he was and how he tried to keep from drinking from humans until it became too much. I spoke of him pouncing on the deer in a moment of desperation and the philosophy of our vegetarian lifestyle being born. I told her how he found me dying and created me out of a desire for companionship. I talked about my rebellious period and how I crawled back to my family. She asked how many were in my family and if they all subscribed to the same lifestyle. I told her there were seven of us that all lived this way. Her eyes went wide at the mention of how many of us there were.
"You have all been able to resist human blood?" Her thoughts gave away the real question, how often did we slip.
"As time goes by it becomes easier to resist the pull, but we are very cautious. While we may live among humans, we rarely interact with them. Of course my father is an exception. He practices medicine where ever we live. He is mostly immune to the scent of blood." I could say no more as I felt that we were close to the topic of her, and I did not want to go there.
The amazement she felt at hearing about Carlisle's restraint, created an ache for my family. The pain and grief I was able to forget about for the last few weeks was threatening to crush me with its intensity. I missed them all and part of me wished that I could be with them. Yet, I knew how impossible that would be; it would be too painful for me and for them.
I felt Sophia's eyes watching me. She noticed the slight hunch in my shoulders and the haunted look in my eyes. He holds such deep and consuming pain. The pity and sympathy I heard in her thoughts nearly undid me. That a stranger could sense and pick up on the deep well of loss and hurt I carried with me was unsettling. Maybe I was unable to hide it as well as I thought.
"Forgive me if this seems too forward, but I sense that you carry a deep emotional burden. It is my gift, the ability to sense the emotions that lie buried deep inside, the ones that are often unacknowledged. So I find it odd that you are alone, far from your home and family, when you speak of them with such love and fondness. Why are you not with them? Or is your pain because of your family?"
I was struck by the accuracy and keenness of her observations. I closed my eyes in preparation of the pain I was sure was not far in coming. I could sense it was just at the edges of my awareness. A sudden overwhelming desire to unload my emotional burden washed over me. I opened my eyes to look at Sophia. I saw nothing that would convey she would judge me or my pain. I saw compassion and sympathy. Deep inside I felt she would understand, so I began speaking before I could chicken out.
"I fell in love with a human girl, Bella." Her named burned off my tongue. I tried to control the spasm of pain that rolled through me at the mention of her name. "She was mine once and I still love her. But I became too dangerous to her; my world was putting her in constant risk. At her birthday party she got a paper cut trying to open a gift. My brother had difficulty in controlling himself and attempted to kill her. In my haste to protect her I threw her away from him and she suffered several deep cuts. It was then that I realized that if she stayed with me, she would not have her chance to live a normal human life. I left her in the hopes that she would move on, forget me and live out a normal life." By now my voice was a faint whisper and the pain had its fingers on me, it was pulling at me, threatening to consume me. I could not look at Sophia; I feared what I would see.
Her thoughts betrayed nothing, instead she was thinking of a man. The images went by fast, almost as if she was flipping through a picture album. Many of the images had them together, they looked happy. The last and the one she lingered on the longest was the man being ripped apart. I was so engrossed in the images that image that I almost didn't hear her question.
"Why did you not change her if you love her so much? Then you would not have to worry about her being in danger anymore." I tried to place her tone. It wasn't accusatory, but more matter of fact. In her mind, it seemed such an obvious question.
My head snapped up and looked at her, I was horror struck at her assumption. "No! I could never do that to her. She deserves much more than me. She deserves a life where she can marry, have children, grow old. She deserves a normal human life. I could not damn her to an existence as a soulless monster. I love her too much for that." The force behind each word left me gasping.
"Did she not love you? Did she not want to become a vampire?" She was puzzled and I was becoming angry. Who was this person to pass judgment on me?
"She loved me as much as a human can love. She asked me several times to change her. She claimed she understood all that she would give up. But she doesn't really understand what it means to be like us. I could not, will not risk her soul." I glared at her, daring her to mock me.
She regarded me for a while. I wondered if she was sampling the emotions I was feeling. She would get a handful; anger, loss, pain, sadness, confusion, resignation. I am sure there were many more, but I was too drained to take stock of them all. She took a deep breath, not because she needed to, but to steady her nerves.
"Maybe it is time you heard my story. Perhaps it may help you." I was immediately skeptical. I could not see how her story would be pertinent. She smiled softly again, she could read how I felt. "Humor me please. It is only fair that I tell you my story after you told me so much about you and your family." Curiosity got the best of me and I nodded my assent.
"I was turned in the early 1700's, in Paris. The where's and why's of it are not important to the part of my story I wish you to hear. I stayed with my creator for about 10 years. I was with him that long because I was terrified of being alone. Even after I had mastered my strength and what I was, I hated the idea of being alone. But after 10 years, I could not stand to be with him, we weren't mates and he allowed me to leave." He eyes grew dazed and I could see in her head how frightened she had been to leave the only other vampire she had known.
"I had always wanted to travel, I had dreamed about it as a human, so that is what I set out to do. I went all over Europe, Asia and even the New World eventually. I loved it. The new experiences, sights, sounds, I craved it all. I learned all that I could about local cultures, languages, music, art, it fascinated me. It was on one of my numerous trips to Italy that I found him." She grew quiet, almost sad and once again I saw the man she had pictured before.
"He was working in his father's vineyard. He was sweet and perfect. A mop of dark unruly curls graced his head and he had the most dazzling set of blue eyes; they captivated me. I watched as he played his lute outside in the moonlight. For days and then weeks I would come to his home in the hopes of seeing him. I never talked to him, I just wanted to be near him." I could sense the ache and longing she had for this man. Her mind replayed the nights she lurked in the tree line just outside his home. It made me miss my love all that much more.
"I'm not sure when or even why, but one day I went to talk to him. I just had to; there was some unseen force that drew me to him. I walked out of my hiding place and up to him. He was playing his lute again. He never looked at me, but his face lifted into this amazing smile. 'It's about time you came out.' I was shocked that he knew I had been out there and I was very confused. I said nothing. When he looked at me, I was breathless. His eyes and that smile made me weak in the knees. I was scared and unnerved and hopelessly in love with him."
I was lost in my memories just as she seemed to be. I was reliving the first time I saw Bella right along with her. The eerie similarities shook me. I had thought that what I have- correction- had with Bella, was rare. To hear that another of my kind was able to fall in love with a human left me wanting to know more. I watched her eyes as she tried to gather the scattered thoughts running through her mind.
"I still said nothing and he continued to talk as if we had been old friends. 'I felt your eyes on me every night. It's why I came out every night, just to see if you would be there. My name is Luca and it's nice to meet you.' The more he spoke, the more I was enthralled with him. I talked with him for a bit and when his scent became too much I left. We did that for a while, talking at night until it became too much for me. When we were apart, I longed for him, I felt unsettled and incomplete. I knew from meeting other vampires who had mated that he was mine. I had fallen for a human."
As she described her feelings for Luca, they mirrored the way I felt about her and I knew without a doubt that she was my mate. I had never fully claimed that title in referring to her, but now that I had, a new wave of pain and longing ripped through me. I could finally name the feeling that was hanging around the edges. I thought it was grief, maybe even anger, but I was so wrong. It was one of incompleteness.
Unaware of my new revelation, Sophia continued with her story.
"Night after night and week after week we met. Each time I was able to stay longer and get closer to him. I feared that he would notice my eyes and become scared of me. I knew I should stay away from him, but I could not bring myself to do so." There was an edge to her voice that I could not place and her thoughts were only of Luca. She ached for him with every fiber of her being.
"Did his blood smell any different to you? Was it more potent to you than any other human you had encountered?" The question tore out of me without much conscious thought. The idea that maybe Luca had smelled just as appealing to her as my angel was to me had been burning in my mind for some time.
Sophia's gaze turned towards me and her eyes were thoughtful. "No, I do not remember that he smelled any different, but I never gave it much thought. Most humans smelled the same to me. Why do you ask? Did Bella smell different to you?"
This time I was prepared for her to say her name and I held my breath in anticipation of the pain. My eyes involuntarily closed, I did not want Sophia to see the level of pain I felt just hearing her name brought me. Not sure if I could speak, I just nodded my head. My eyes squeezed closed even harder as memories I had bottled up and pushed aside spilled forward. The tantalizing aroma of her skin in Biology; the unique combination of freesia, lavender and strawberry shampoo; the flood of heat at her blush and how it made her smell even better. Out of the blue I felt Sophia's hand on my clenched one.
"Shh, I didn't mean to cause pain." It was then I had realized my entire body was shaking in tearless sobs. It had been too long since I cried over her and I felt guilty and ashamed.
Without opening my eyes I answered her, "I know. It's just thinking of her is hard. I try not to, but sometimes the memories overwhelm me. To answer your previous questions, yes, she did smell different. Her scent was the most alluring I had ever encountered. I nearly killed her the second I smelled her. But I resisted and instead I fell in love with her. It took weeks before I felt in control enough to touch her and even longer before I could kiss her." I took a deep steadying breath and opened my eyes, "Please continue your story." I could no longer bear her scrutiny and I needed to take the focus off me. It made me feel vulnerable.
Sophia watched the emotions as they flitted across my face, it would take some time before I could rebury them and present a façade of calmness. Once she sensed that I was as under control as I could be, she continued with her tale.
"Like you, I worked up my ability to be close to Luca. When we finally held hands I was sure he would run in revulsion. But my Luca surprised me once again. He took my hand and placed it in both of his. As time wore on I knew I would have to tell Luca what I was. I feared his reaction and I could sense his growing puzzlement over what I was. I noticed how he would look at my face, my skin, even my eyes and yet I felt no fear from him.
One night as we lay by the river, I told him what I was. Calmly he listened to what I had to say and asked questions when I was done. For over an hour he was silent in his thoughts. His emotions did not give him away, they stayed calm. Finally he stated he needed time to think. We devised a way for him to let me know if he was ready to talk. He would leave a single white rose near the tree where we always meet. If after a week, I went to the tree and a rose was there, it meant he needed more time. I was to come back in another week to see if there was another rose. If there wasn't it meant he did not want to see me anymore.
Oh, the apprehension I felt after a week had gone by and I was on my way to our tree. I knew the way by heart, so I closed my eyes and stopped breathing; I did not want to know his response any sooner than I needed to. That first week I stood near our tree for hours, trying to find the courage to look. When I did, there was a rose. I wept with relief and joy. I had my Luca for another week. For two more weeks I repeated the same steps, each time it took me less time to open my eyes and each time there was a rose."
There was no mistaking the relief and happiness that Sophia had felt. Even after all this time, her face lit up when she mentioned that Luca had left her a rose. That simple gesture brought a smile to her face. It gave me hope that down the road, my angel could look back at the time we shared and smile.
"By the fourth week, I was flying towards our tree, I was eager and excited to see if I had a rose waiting. If it took him years to finally talk to me, I would gladly wait, just to know that there was hope. A hope for us, it was all I needed. I approached the tree and without much waiting I opened my eyes, and there was no rose. I did not know what to think or what to say. I just stared at our tree and the absence of a rose. I crumpled to the ground and wailed. My beloved Luca was gone. I was so consumed with my grief that I did not feel the hands on my face, stroking my cheeks.
"Shh my darling, I am here." My eyes flew open and there he was, in all his beauty. I could not speak or move; I could only stare at my Luca kneeling in front of me. He then presented me not with a white rose, but an entire arm full of red roses. I was so overcome with emotion that I continued to cry. He then told me how he was held up by family matters and was unable to be there waiting for me. He expressed how sorry he was that he had caused me sadness.
Once I could finally speak we talked for hours, just until sunrise. Normally I would leave before then, to prevent him from seeing my skin, but this day, he asked me to stay. We watched the sun as it crept over the horizon and Luca watched as the sparkles danced all around us. It was then that he asked me if I could change him. I was surprised by the question, but I knew without hesitation I would try to grant his request.
Over the next few weeks we planned and I practiced. When I was feeding I would try and pull away. It was extremely hard, but I was able to find a way. When the time came, I went to his home one last time and we ran away. I carried him as we ran to some caves that lined the ocean. I had lived in them before on my previous travels and knew that we would be protected. I hunted just before I was to change him, to give me added reassurance that I would stop in time. Luca's trust in me never wavered. He had faith in me that I could not find in myself."
Her voice grew quiet as she recounted the preparations they made for Luca's change. I was appalled and in awe of her all at once. She did what I could never bring myself to do and I wanted to hate her for it. But I could not find the energy in me to do that, so I became angry instead. Her disregard for Luca's soul and life repulsed me. I found her selfish and self-serving. She put her needs in front of her love for Luca and for that she damned them both.
If she felt my emotions she did not let on in her thoughts, instead she finished her tragic tale.
"He made it through the transformation and we went on and lived our lives. It was beautiful and perfect and Luca never once resented what I did. We traveled and explored, we loved each other passionately, and we lived with no regrets. Close to a hundred and fifty years we had together and I cherish every single one of them. It was about twenty-five years ago that I lost him. We were traveling in Poland and ended up in the middle of a turf war. Someone was trying to prove a point and Luca was caught in the crosshairs. I watched as they ripped him up and burned him." Her voice was a mere whisper; I had to strain to hear her. The agony written across her face was staggering. I understood all too well the torment of losing the one you loved completely.
The emotions coursing through us both were too much for Sophia and she left the tent to stand outside. I heard as she took great gulps of air. Her thoughts were a twisted and tangled jumble of loss, pain and love. After all this time she still loved and missed Luca immensely. I went to stand by her and placed a gentle hand on her arm.
"I am sorry for your loss. I understand how difficult it is for you." I was sincere in my sympathies, but I was also insanely curious. How did she survive after all this time? She'd had much more time with Luca than I had with my angel and time had not lessened the pain for her. But I knew that our pain was one in the same. Was it because we'd both lost our mates? Is that what made the pain something tangible? Maybe it was because I felt such a kindred connection with her, but whatever it was, the question flew from my lips before I had a chance to stop it.
"How did you survive losing Luca?" The look of shock on her face instantly made me feel shame. But the curiosity I had earlier begged that I ask. I needed to know if there was some way to deal with all the grief I was feeling. I could barely think her name; to speak it would cause the waves of pain and longing to sweep me away. But I watched as she told me their story and she said his name with love and a tinge of sadness. Would it take me decades before I could find some semblance of acceptance?
"I barely survived. For the first few years I wandered aimlessly, hardly feeding, completely unaware of my surroundings. But I… we had made a promise to each other that if one of us should die, the other would continue on. Luca believed that eventually we will all die, that it was a necessary part of the cycle of life. I did not share his view, but I made the promise nonetheless. I would never go back on a promise I made to him. So I endured. As time went on, I found it was easier to make it day by day. I still have my moments when smells, sights and sounds will remind me of him. But like I said before, I do not regret anything that has to do with him."
She stared at me pointedly, as if she was trying to prove a point, but I did not know what it was. All I saw was a wretched tale of selfishness, loss and death. She damned Luca to an unpleasant afterlife all because she could not contain her wants and needs. Her love for him was their downfall.
By now the rain had ended and I needed to be on my way. She watched me silently as I packed up the tent and erased all trace that I was there. I was anxious to be on my way. It was a little over two weeks until I would reach Denali and I wanted to get back on track.
Sophia's thoughts were focused on me. She wondered what I had taken from her story. I did not have the heart to tell her that it only cemented my belief that I did the right thing. As much as it pained me, I knew I'd made the right choice. My angel deserved a long, normal life and I would not take that away from her. I would not let my selfishness over rule my desire to only do what was right by her.
I was trying to find a tactful way to thank Sophia for sharing her story. It was a comfort to me that it wasn't completely abnormal for a vampire and a human to fall in love. While it may not be an optimal situation, love could exist between us. I was almost done packing when I caught the tail end of an errant thought from Sophia. It was worth it, I would change nothing. That set off a whole different set of thoughts swishing through my mind. The most pressing was, after it all, was changing him worth it. The burning curiosity I felt from before flamed again. Now may be my only chance to ask the question of someone who would understand why I was asking.
"Before I leave, I do have one more question, if you don't mind?" Fear was laced throughout my words and I was unsure why. She was quiet for a moment, almost sizing up my emotional state before she gave a small nod.
"Knowing what you know now, do you ever think it would have been better if you had not changed him and allowed him to live normally and not risk his soul?"
There was a desperate tone in my voice, one that begged for understanding and maybe even compassion from her. There had to be some part of her that must realize that Luca deserved to be in heaven and not doomed to damnation.
For the space of a few heartbeats, she looked at me and the calmness and absolute certainty I saw in her eyes made me shiver.
"If I had not changed him, I would have spent his life loving him from the shadows. But there was no way I would have been able to stand by and watch him die, not when it was within my power to stop it. Our choice gave us several lifetimes together and I will never, ever regret that."
I didn't know what to say, the hope I had clung to came crashing down and I was left with only despair and confusion. Her answer angered and bewildered me. My eyes searched the forest around us, as if the truth could be written on the leaves or be floating on the breeze. Several times I tried to speak, to tell her I did not understand. But my words failed me and I simply stared at her.
Slowly and with much sadness she shook her head, "I see that maybe my story did not help as I thought it would. We look at things from different perspectives. I don't believe we will be able to see eye-to-eye. So, I will thank you for your kindness and patience in listening to me. I can only hope you will find what you are so desperately searching for." With that said, she was gone on a whisper of wind.
Her parting comments confused and startled me, they made no sense. I wasn't looking for anything besides Victoria and I knew Sophia did not know that. No, I wasn't looking for anything- I was running from it. Running from love, security, and the only true peace I had ever known. Mentally giving myself a shake, I gathered my determination. Now was not the time for ruminations, now was the time for action.
I pushed Sophia and her story away; I taking her parting words and giving them no second thought. I glanced at my map and resumed my search for Victoria while I steadily made my way closer to Denali, which would bring me closer to the information I sought. I needed to refocus on my mission and my purpose in this existence.
That worked for a little over a day. For over twenty-four hours I was able to concentrate on the sights and smells, looking for any trace of Victoria. I was able to refine the questions I would ask Laurent when I spoke to him. I knew I needed to elicit as much information as possible without making it obvious what I was doing. It was reasonable that Laurent may be aware of my ability. Our cousins would not understand the inherent danger in disclosing such knowledge. The only consolation I could find was in the hope that he was not skilled in blocking his thoughts the way the rest of my family was. I was sure a few key words would cause any mental barriers he erected to crumble effortlessly.
In a moment of absolute weakness, I found myself obsessing over Sophia and her story. Once I started I was unable to stop. It occupied the other part of my brain that was not focused on my travel and search for Victoria. Sophia was convinced that I would be able to learn something, to discover some uncovered truth that would make everything between my angel and I make sense. But there was none, there was only cold harsh reality. Sophia had acted out of selfishness, not love. She worried about loving him from the shadows. Instead she damned him to live in them. When was all said and done, did the ends really justify the means? Sure, she was able to be with her mate for over one hundred and fifty years, but at what cost?
But that wasn't the worst thought I had. No, my mind could not let go of her response about changing Luca. But there was no way I would have been able to stand by and watch him die, not when it was within my power to stop it. At first I recognized that statement as part of her selfishness, the God complex our kind often feels. I had felt it many times over. In my time away from my family many years ago, I deemed I was worthy enough to determine who lived and died. If I only killed those who were predators in their own right, I was helping out the greater good. But eventually I came to realize how wrong I was.
After a while, I saw something else in those words, something so simple and honest that it pained me. There was an understanding of herself and knowing her limitations. Even deeper than that was the recognition that she would be unable to stand by and allow her mate to die. But that was the natural progression of life. It's the way we should have gone if fate had not interceded and made us immortal. I was determined to allow Bella to follow the normal progression of her life; birth, school, love, marriage, children and even death.
I tried to shake the realizations I had about Sophia and her motives behind changing Luca, but they nagged at me. There was an underlying feeling that I was missing a crucial piece of information, that I was unable to see the truth before my eyes. So I did my best to dismiss those doubts and fears, but they remained with me.
So, it was with a heavily conflicted and distracted mind that I continued on my journey. I was less than two days away from Denali and the anticipation of being able to get real, useful knowledge of Victoria drove me to move fast. I was in a heavily wooded area and decided to hunt before I arrived at my cousin's doorstep. I paused and sampled the scents around me. The air was thick with moose and I found my prey easily. Once I was sated, I made way back to my belongings. Just then, the wind picked up and a singular scent swirled all around me. I concentrated solely on that smell, trying to locate its exact location. I followed the air currents seeking and searching the source of what I wanted. My face was one of fierce concentration and determination and when I found the source, one of pure joy. I had found it; I had found a trace of Victoria.
A/N: I hoped you enjoyed Sophia's story, it's one of my favorite parts so far. Now that Edward finally has a lead on Victoria, what will he do next? If your curious, well... leave me a review..I ALWAYS give hints for the next chapter. PLease review...they make me soooo happy!