Chapter title: look behind, look here, look ahead.

This was not good. This was awful. Menat couldn't stand it. This awful feeling that began to bubble up when she saw Aprile coming so close to Charlie. Touching his shoulder, smiling at him, flirting. She was subtle and then not, almost as if he had no choice but to fall in love with her.

At first, Menat could handle that but now, that idea began to hurt. In hindsight, she probably shouldn't be so surprised that other women would be interested in Charlie. Belying his aloofness, there was a kindness and a warmth to him that made him dependable and enjoyable to be around. Menat, and the others really, found comfort in his presence.

Furthermore, and more shallowly, he was good-looking. He probably didn't think so of himself for obvious reasons, but Menat was never repelled by the stitches, the gem, or the patches of green skin. She liked to look at him, she blushed at the thought of seeing him shirtless.

She nearly burst into flames when he touched her. During the final days before the year's end, it became harder for Menat to pretend, she didn't have a heart and so she decided that she needed to talk with Charlie. Open her heart and prepare for the heartache.

She would do this on the final day before the year.

On that day, Menat stood in the hallway, nervously fiddling with the edge of her skirt. If she was to get her heart broken, she might as well look good for the occasion. Through the doorway to the kitchen, she spotted Rose talking with Charlie about heavens knew what, and the latter leaving the kitchen and heading downstairs.

Meanwhile Rose prepared dry snacks and cooled champagne. New Year's Eve would be a free-for-all. Everyone had different plans and so the overall approach was simply "Run around the city and have fun but come back when you need to. Don't vomit over the balcony since the streets will be filled with people".

Maggio would hang out with Aprile, Rose planned to watch the fireworks from the marina and Menat decided to latch onto Charlie. Where they would go for the evening was still up in the air. She had racked her brain in trying to choose the best location for the date of heartbreak. The balcony was too close, and all the spots in the city would probably be packed with people – except the bell tower.

"Don't look so down, Menat," Rose said from the doorway to the kitchen with an easy smile on her lips. "Charlie has big plans for you, it seems."

Menat stiffened upon hearing this. Big plans? A date? Oh. He wanted to make it special for her. Such a thought made it hard not to blush. In the meantime, Rose disappeared into the kitchen for a moment before returning with two bottles of cold champagne in a satchel.

"You should go down to greet him. Have this," There was a distinct gleam in her eyes as she said this. Menat swallowed and took the bag, heading downstairs with shaky legs. Upon seeing Charlie look at the night sky from the courtyard, warmth began to spread over her body.

Even more so when he turned to look at her.

Menat had to clear her throat lest she made an embarrassing sound, watching him silently scrutinize her dress. For safety's sake, he wore the hood and facemask but had applied the concealing makeup himself.

"I got champagne," she patted the satchel and descended from the final step. She trotted towards the door, waiting for Charlie to follow and then take charge.

Outside, the city was roaring with life and people as the fireworks bloomed above, out of rhythm with the various house parties going on around them. There were still a few hours from midnight and so they spend that time, sightseeing and feeding themselves before Charlie became stalwart in his goal, eventually taking her hand when they were surrounded by a crush of people, stopping for food on the way.

Before long, the clock tower loomed in the distance above them, like a silent watcher. For a moment, Menat thought Charlie would just pass it, but she had to sour a bit when he aimed right for that place. And now, he stood by the entrance to the church, looking at her when she hesitated. His hand reached for hers, warm and assuring but it didn't curb her anxiety.

"…I'm afraid of heights," Menat had to admit, wishing for the earth to part in two and swallow her. Behind the lens of his glasses, Charlie's brows raised a bit in surprise. For a moment, they stood there, looking at each other, unsure of where to go from there. His expression softened a bit.

"I'll go with you then."

That didn't help matters, Menat thought but didn't protest this, following him inside the open church doors. A sermon was happening but the pair skipped the chapel entirely and took a door to the side, which lead to the bell tower's staircase. Menat had to clutch onto Charlie as her fear grew with each step she took, closing her eyes when she felt the chill of the night from above.

"You did it," she heard once the cool air surrounded her completely. She still clung to Charlie, hesitating before she opened her eyes. They stood right in the middle of the tower, meaning Menat couldn't gaze over its sides and not faint. She didn't have the same reaction when on the balcony of the Palace of Mysteries, probably because her home wasn't also the tallest building in the city.

Against one of the walls, Charlie sat down and pulled the mask away. Keeping her head down, Menat shuffled to his side and sat down next to him. Around the, the fireworks continued to explode, sending a cascade of colorful flashes in the sky. From where they sat, one could get a good view of the light show. Menat chuckled a bit anxiously and pulled out the bottles.

"Ah, I don't think exposure therapy will cure me," she said and discovered she forgot to bring glasses with her so they had to drink from the bottles.

"It's a start," Charlie shrugged, a mild smile resting on his face when he looked at her. Ignoring her own rush of emotions, Menat laughed at that.

"Oh no, don't tell me you're gonna start training my phobia away. Maggio is proof of why that doesn't work."

Charlie raised a brow at this, and she continued elaborating. "He's scared of dead animals. Aprile once tried to cure him by making him hold dead worms for an hour and while he no longer cares about those, it made him scared of everything bigger than that."

Retelling the tale of how he embarrassed Menat, screaming like a siren when he found a dead rat while exploring one of the wineries made her laugh at it now, even if back then, she was horribly ashamed, ready to banish him to the pits of Thanatos. And the story amused Charlie as well.

And then silence.

Well, as silent as fireworks going off in endless blooms could be. Silence as the clock ticked down to the end of the year. Menat shifted a bit where she sat, partly uncomfortable due to the cold surface, partly anxious as she struggled to confess. She looked at Charlie and he stared off into the distance. There was no doubt a lot of his mind as well. A lot that he had to reflect on and archive in preparation for the new year.

Menat felt something similar, now fiddling with the deck of tarot cards she had brought to pass time. In the end, the cold floor became too much, and she stood up, standing in the middle of the platform to watch the fireworks from a different angle. But also, to muster up the courage for her confession. She shuffled on her feet, stepping a little closer to one of the edges and regretting that immediately.

Behind her, she felt Charlie loom behind her, and turning around to look at him. Occasionally his eyes would occasionally vanish behind flashes of fireworks. But he looked as if he wished to say something…but never did speak up. Eventually, Menat held out her deck of cards, trying to ignore the surge of emotions that rushed through her gut.

She noted that she had accidentally picked her favorite deck for the occasion, the one with star signs representing the different arcana that glittered slightly in the light.

Charlie, for his part, was quiet as well, pulling a card from the deck, and looking at it with a mix of confusion and melancholic amusement. He flipped the card around and Menat was surprised at the outcome.

"The Fool – turned upright," she mused and watched his expression intently.

"So?" he inquired, still curious.

"Turned upright, The Fool represents new beginnings and adventure."

Charlie raised a brow at that, picking at the meaning and implications before the ghost of a smile appeared on his face. "How fitting for New Year's."

New beginnings could mean a lot of things. An adventure would imply a change. It meant that at some point, he'd leave – maybe – possibly. Menat didn't know. Her feelings seemed to be in such flux that thinking straight was next to impossible. The gloom of this reality began to mar her mood and expression as she packed the cards away, only moderately soothed by the two hands that landed on her shoulder.

"Charlie…" Menat began, sounding more wistful than brave. Perhaps because she was speaking directly from the heart as opposed to her brain. Perhaps because she couldn't brace herself from the coming results of her actions. "I hope things don't change. I like them as they are."

"Me too."

Her heart fluttered at the honesty of that admission and the look he gave her. "Heh, I thought so. That's why I hope you can forgive me for what I'm about to do."

Charlie narrowed his eyes a bit and Menat stepped closer, her mind turning blank for a moment as she kissed him. Lingering, wistful, terrified. Filled with frightened pining, tasting like champagne. When she stepped back, she felt as if she had done a horrible thing and the shame hit her like a kick to the gut. She had to cover her face with her hands, resisting a strong and sudden urge to cry.

You could do him a lot of good…Guile's voice spoke in the back of her mind, and she wanted this to be true more than anything. Even if Charlie rejected her. Menat took a deep breath, feeling another rush of anxiety wash over her body. Her hands grew clammy, and her thoughts swirled. This was it. She had done it, now she needed to explain herself. Speak now or forever hold her peace. Of course, Menat was unable to look at Charlie, parting her lips for the words of her innermost feelings.

"I'm so sorry. I just...I just really love you. I'm so scared that this will make you leave because you can't stand it, but I can't pretend I don't love you because I do."

It was hard to determine what Charlie was thinking, probably because Menat had her face buried in her hands.

"…Do you know what this means?" he asked directly yet gently.

"Yes."

His jaw tightened just a bit, as it tended to do when something bothered him. A mournful edge lay under his words as he asked. "And you don't mind me being dead?"

"You're not dead," she split her fingers just a bit to look at him, noting how his eyes widened and then glinted with warmth like the faint smirk ghosting over his face.

"…There may not be a lot of time left," he finally said after a long pause, staring directly into her eyes. His expression gentled down a bit and she'd like to smile at him, but that subtle reminder stung.

It became too much.

It occurred to Menat far too late that she had begun crying; not noticing the tears that welled up in her eyes and coursed down her face to rest at the bottom of her palms. Embarrassed and scared, she moved her gaze down, trying to contain the open jar that was her heart.

But her emotions had been too raw, and she had been unable to find the lid that would hold them. Charlie's hands landed over hers, slowly pulling them from her face. The bars of her fingers didn't obscure the sight of him, but her tears sure did.

Yet Menat smiled through them, her tone warm despite the grain affecting her voice. Was she happy? Probably, a little. Her emotions ran all over the place in ways, she couldn't control. "I know. But it's been a good time so far. I want to make the rest of it good too. The best time ever even if you don't like me anymore."

Charlie stared at her for a moment, then furrowed his brow, affronted at that suggestion. As if to prove her wrong, his hands moved from hers and one landed on her back to pull her close and the other palmed her cheek, warm and gentle in the frozen night of winter. Menat stood pressed against his body, her body filled with warmth when she felt his lips descend upon hers. Whatever worries Menat had before were immediately evaporated and replaced with surging emotion.

"You have no idea how long, I've wanted to do that," he murmured, his breath as warm as his body. Proof that he was very much alive. Bubbling with bliss, Menat trailed her fingers upwards over his cheeks and kissed him again.

Upon hearing those words coming from Charlie, it made days of worry and uncertainty seem so silly in hindsight. He probably felt something similar albeit for legitimate reasons. But Menat didn't care what he was; as long as it was Charlie, that was all she'd ask for.

During the last minute before midnight, the fireworks were getting more intense, painting the dark canvas that was the sky with endless color and a heavy scent of sulfur filled the air. People on the street began counting down, shouting every number at the top of their lungs. Menat, still fearful of heights, stood in the middle of the church's clock tower with her arm wrapped around Charlie's as the year came to a fast-approaching end.

"I like to do readings on myself during New Year's to get a good idea of what fate has in store for me but I'm not gonna do it now. With this right here, I don't want to think about what's left or what will be. I want to live it in. Just go with the flow and live in the now," she mused out loud and turned her head to watch his reactions, humming in satisfaction at the acquiescence in his eyes.

"…That, I can appreciate," Charlie said, taking a breath to continue that but was rudely interrupted by the bells' sonorous ringing, signifying the end of the year. Loud enough to make the pair pack up and leave the tower in a hurry, merry and frolicking all the way to the Palace of Mysteries.

For the moment, the looming question of Charlie's mortality eschewed them entirely. For the moment, Menat would like to live as if there was no tomorrow.

There was still time left.

Why yes, this is fucking corny and cheesy and sappy, and I love it and hopefully so do you.